Dan for Mayor (2010) s01e06 Episode Script

It's too early for anything.
Whoa, whoa, what are you doing? You got two.
For me.
It's early, man.
Do we have to do this? Think of it as a rite of passage.
Gut check time buddy.
Have you got what it takes? All right, let's get it done.
I don't know if they're honking because they like me or if they're just honking.
Honking is honking.
No, no, no, there's, like, a rainbow of honks.
Well, no, not a rainbow, like a kaleidoscope of honks.
I think you mean a symphony of honks.
Honks are sounds.
No, either way.
We want, you know, friendly honks.
The long ones, we don't want them.
They're aggressive.
That one was friendly.
Are you kidding? He was being sarcastic.
Patronizing.
I'm not hearing a difference.
Claire kissed me the other night.
What happened the other night? Nothing.
Claire kissed me.
What? She kissed you? Oh, that one sounded surprised.
Morning.
I have something to say and you're not going to like it.
What? Now let me finish.
We-- We, um We need to go to my system.
Hm? I mean, look at this.
And I've got my system here and we have to plug and unplug all the time.
If we just go with my system and switch heads, we'd free up an outlet.
Oh, well-- Because this is fine unless I need my curling iron, then I have to plug and unplug things.
Life is too short.
You don't know.
Your hair is already curly.
But I like my toothbrush.
Fine, forget we ever talked about it.
Mine's sonic, yours just rotates.
You kissed Claire? No, she kissed me.
Voluntarily? Yeah, voluntarily.
Okay, all right.
Did you trick her? No! Okay, keep it facing traffic.
I don't know.
Maybe some of the old fire's still there.
Was she drunk? No, she-- Well, yeah, she was a little drunk.
That might explain things better than your fire theory.
Nah.
I never really moved on from the Claire thing, you know? Maybe she didn't either.
Now here's this chance to start over or close the book on it.
I don't know.
It dredges up all this stuff.
- You're not even paying attention.
- I have a really good excuse.
What are you guys doing? Mattress Barn! Sorry, my fiance went crazy talking about toothbrushes.
That's normal before a wedding.
Really? Yeah.
Now, we're double-booked.
Well, tell the web guy to wait.
Polling's more important.
Yeah, polling's important.
I guess we have to go to the polling meeting.
Alan, would you like to meet with the website guy? No, no.
We'll do the polls.
Actually, you should go to the website meeting, because that Internet stuff all goes over my head.
Yes! I mean, fine.
I can see you want to do the polls meeting, so yes.
Yes! Mattress Barn! So I think we got off on the wrong foot.
Dan Phillips, running for mayor.
You're working my corner.
Sorry? I'm a spokesman for a local business.
Is it a mattress business? Mattress Barn! Well, look, we were here first-- I've been here since '93.
Mattress Barn! Don't take my honks.
Your honks? Maybe there's room for both of us.
Hey, that's not the way it works, cowboy.
We're not moving, so-- Hey, don't grab that balloon.
Don't pop that balloon.
Don't try to pop that balloon.
If you even can, with the gloves.
There you go.
Mattress Barn! Alan for mayor.
Experience clean diction.
Not bad, huh? Bylaws.
Duffy.
Where's the website? Well, after we did the animation there was no money left, so It's still pretty neat.
Right.
Anyway, the polling firm brought us our latest data.
Give it to me straight.
It's not good.
Anita and Dan are catching up.
But we can't take this for granted.
You got to get out there and campaign more.
But I've been busy with city business.
You can't keep switching back and forth between two things.
I have a commitment to the city.
Is that really what you want to do, or what's easiest at the moment? You've got to pick one.
But be sure, because once you pick one it's too late to go back.
Or is it? Maybe you should rethink the commitment.
Claire.
We're not talking about me anymore, are we? Yes, we are.
It's okay.
I know what this is about.
You do? It's that obvious? Yes.
My website.
Too much lasers.
I like the lasers.
It's not meant for you.
It's for young people.
I read about them in Macleans.
I think we should watch it again.
No, that's okay, we don't have to-- Let's watch it again.
This corner's not as good.
There's hardly any cars.
The other corner had easy access to the washroom, and you were sheltered from the wind.
It just had a more positive vibe.
Yeah but it also had a giant talking mattress.
I guess.
This one's got a garbage can.
You can throw your garbage away, you don't have to go very far.
Come on, it'll pick up.
Here's someone now.
Hey! Dan Phillips, running for mayor! Hey, do you know where Mattress Barn is? Fern.
Hey, you said you'd be waving at cars.
I didn't see you up there.
Ah, I got forced off the good corner by a mattress guy.
What do you mean a mattress guy? Like a guy in a mattress costume.
I mean, part of that was foam, but still You made a good move.
Never pick a fight with a mascot.
They got nothing to lose.
Hey, you guys.
Hey, Claire-a-rino.
Claire-a-rino? Claire-a-rooni? Better.
- You want a menu? - No.
I'm just here to talk to Dan.
Why not? He's been here two minutes.
Time for a break.
I hope I'm not getting you in trouble at work.
No, I mean, I was campaigning and a guy in a mattress suit made me leave and I had to go to a corner, and there was just a garbage can Okay.
Anyway, about the other night, I just-- You know what? Don't say anything.
Cold feet about the wedding.
People do crazy things.
Right.
That's what it was: cold feet.
I hope you didn't think I was trying to start us up again.
I was trying to shut things down in case you were trying to start them up.
Sure, whatever.
I mean, cold feet.
Yeah, and I thought I'd be the one saying, "I was going to say it was cold feet," so So we're okay? Of course.
Oh Your teeth are very smooth.
My toothbrush rotates.
So I talked to Claire.
Oh, how did that go? You know, all this time I've been sort of waiting for her to open a door.
And she opened it a crack, and I shut it.
And I feel good.
I feel real good.
That's great.
And we can celebrate by waving at cars.
Okay, that took me down a couple notches.
But I still feel good.
Here, here.
Just give me a sec.
I'll be right back.
What? Vote Dan.
Oh, hi.
Hello.
Is Brianna here? No.
Oh.
Do you want to buy a dishwasher? No.
I just wanted to ask her something.
I'll come back.
Oh, oh, don't be silly.
She'll be here soon.
Oh, okay.
What did you want to ask her? Nothing.
So is this a good dishwasher? Yes.
I don't really need a dishwasher.
What are you doing? Surprise! I'm putting in another outlet so you don't have to plug and unplug the toothbrushes.
Oh, I don't care about that anymore.
Oh.
I figured out what's been bothering me.
We can't take things for granted.
So you don't need another outlet? No.
If we take things for granted, fall victim to one passing impulse and you could wreck the whole relationship.
If this is about that trip to Japan, they're called hostesses and I didn't want to offend my client.
What? Nothing.
I agree with what you're saying.
Good.
What's the garburator do? You don't have to clean out the food scraps.
Oh, I use paper plates a lot.
Dan? Briann-- Oh! Oh.
What are you doing here? He says he wants to ask you something.
Yeah, Dan, what's up? Well, it's not-- Dan, let's go.
We're going to lose the corner.
Oh, we've got a pretty good corner to wave at cars.
Congratulations.
What do you want to ask her Dan? Can we hurry this up? Yes, what's this all about? Okay, well, it's not a big deal.
I just-- I was just wondering if you would like to, I don't know, go to a movie or something.
Oh.
They went out the other night.
I don't know.
Anyway, you know, could be fun.
Funner than this.
Okay, sure.
Great.
Right.
Pretty smooth.
No.
I didn't want to wake you.
I was in the kitchen.
I know, but if you'd been sleeping there I'll come with you.
What? Why? You hate golf.
This is the kind of thing I was talking about.
We have to do things together.
Yeah.
Later we can do something I like but you hate.
Oh.
I'll get changed.
Be right back.
Okay.
So, what was that? You're over Claire 5 minutes and now you're asking out Anita's niece? And thanks for making that as painless as possible.
You got to be kidding me.
Vote Alan! Vote Alan! Oh, yeah, no, he came by, yeah.
But I was here first so he said no problem, he'd go somewhere else.
Big gloves? Yeah.
Oh, hey, cool website, by the way.
Is it over-the-top? No.
Are you kidding? If anything it could use more explosions.
I mean, how do you get a site like that, with all the lasers and such? Wouldn't you like to know.
This club? Yeah.
Oops.
Same club again? Yup.
Oh, that one felt good.
This is fun.
There's no one in front of us.
Yup.
Oh, lots of people behind us.
They seem annoyed.
Yup.
They should relax.
Ah.
Same club? Yeah.
Yes.
If Alan's out waving at cars then we have to wave at cars.
But he's got the good spot.
So we go back to the one with the garbage can.
Oh, I hate that corner.
There's no shade.
It's windy.
I'm not crazy about those bushes across the street.
You complain a lot.
Hey! Sorry, guys.
This corner's mine now.
Oh, come on.
I love this corner.
It's got a garbage can.
Mattress Barn! This isn't fair.
We've been here since-- Mattress Barn! --since this morning.
It's not fair.
You can't see because of the suit, but I'm shrugging.
No, I could kind of tell.
So why's Duffy get the good corner and we don't? Alan Duffy carries a lot of weight in this town.
Yeah, big deal, he's deputy mayor.
No, I mean he buys a lot of mattresses.
Yeah? He's got a guest bed in the basement.
He's got a hide-a-bed in the den, and upstairs? King size.
Well, maybe I'm interested in a mattress, HM? You scratch my back, I scratch yours.
Wish you hadn't said that.
Now my back's itchy.
I'm sorry.
You sure I didn't ruin it? Are you kidding? No honey, no.
It seemed long.
Six hours to do 7 holes.
Yeah.
You know, next time we do something together, let's do something you like.
Yeah.
So no more golfing or anything I like to do alone.
We'll do something you enjoy that I already can't stand.
All right.
Oh.
Oh.
This is working.
Okay.
Good meeting.
We're not going to buy a mattress just so you can have the good corner.
I'm not going to buy one.
Just make him think I might.
Stringing along a mascot? That's a dangerous game, boys.
Well, I don't like a bully.
When you get pushed, you-- Buy a mattress? A dangerous game.
On the other hand, this is amazing.
It's too comfortable.
I can't feel my legs.
I'm going to try the other one again.
This is nice, but personally I have a water bed.
You can still get those? I know a guy.
Oh, hey.
Is Dan around? Yeah, hey.
Hang on.
Hey, Brianna, how's it going? - New mattress? - No, yes, I mean no.
New to me.
Plus it's new.
Hey, Dan? Oh, right.
Can you just give us a? Oh, sure.
What are you doing? Look, I've thought about it.
And I know we're sort of on opposing campaigns, but that doesn't mean we can't see each other socially.
I was thinking why aren't you helping me? But, yeah, now that you mention it, you shouldn't be seeing Brianna.
Well, you know what they say: lock up when you're done.
Oh, is he going to be okay? No! Thanks, buddy.
So I figured out what we could do on the togetherness front.
Okay.
We could get up an hour earlier.
I don't get it.
Yeah, but what would we do? Nothing.
We'd just be.
Like old couples who don't have to talk Like we're old and we can't sleep.
There's something beautiful about it.
So would this be like a once-a-week thing or? Every day.
Good.
Ha! Just exploring the territory.
Uncharted waters.
Oh, I forgot to ask, how's your head? What? Oh, yeah.
I haven't banged it on any other appliances.
I dropped a toaster on my foot though.
Hey, Dan.
Oh, hey.
You don't recognize me.
Unbelievable.
Corner.
Mattress Barn.
Oh, mattress guy.
Yeah.
Brianna this is Mattress Guy.
I just play Mattress Guy.
Well, I didn't buy it from him, but-- Oh, the shop put you in a mattress, huh? What size? Uh Must be king.
It's huge.
They couldn't even get it through the door.
Cool.
I'm sorry about before.
You know, you put your face out there, you get a lot of crazy people.
Of course.
You're a public figure.
King size, huh? Drop by the Barn first thing tomorrow, we'll talk about that corner.
Okay.
See you.
Thanks.
No problem.
I like hanging out with you, Dan.
Weird things happen.
What weird things? This is nice.
Just sitting.
Being and sitting.
Thanks.
Can we watch Canada AM? That's right.
We just need this together time.
Besides, I'm PVRing it.
Oh, good.
Yeah.
It's nice.
Yep.
Nice.
Okay, it's a little boring.
But it's nice.
Yeah.
Good morning.
I was told Mattress Guy wanted to see me? Alan, come in.
Here's how this is going to go down.
You're not going to show up on the corner tomorrow.
What? I don't understand.
Is it something I've done? I'm giving it to Dan.
What? But I've been a good customer You're not buying a mattress again for a while.
These guys are the future.
They just bought a mattress that's a piece of crap.
They're going to be back in 2 years.
What? This isn't fair.
Here.
You take a moment to collect yourself.
Then please leave Mattress Barn.
Fern was right: mascots can be harsh.
Yeah.
Feels nice to have a victory once in a while.
Do you really think my mattress is a piece of crap? I mean, I thought maybe last night I felt a lump.
Hey, you're that Dan guy, right? Yeah, that's me.
I like that.
Ordinary guy runs for mayor.
Keep it up.
Thanks.
Okay.
Momentum's on our side.
They're really honking now.
Yeah.
Something sounds kind of off Nah, don't overthink it.
Mike? Hey.
I was just-- Good idea.
We should go golfing.
Yeah.
I'll put on my golf stuff.
Great.
I'll justwait.
We'll get in a quick 7 holes.
You bet.