Danger 5 (2011) s01e06 Episode Script
Final Victory
Match point - llsa and Jackson.
As previously agreed, the winners are awarded the right to subject the losers to one dare of their choice, to be redeemed at any time.
Don't screw this up.
I apologise.
Hey, llsa, did you listen to that record I gave you? Sort of? - You don't like music? - Hey, llsa Here's your Remigio Matina album.
It really opened my mind to easy listening.
- Everybody sit down! - Greetings, Colonel.
I said sit down! Now, you know I don't like to use the sit-down gun, but this morning we just don't have time for mucking about.
Major Allied cities have come under attack from Nazi monst Close your mouth.
Nazi monsters.
No conventional weapons can stop them.
And Allied command was almost ready to surrender until they received a telegram from this man.
He calls himself Gibraltar, and claims to be from the lost city of Atlantis.
This might sound crazy, but the Atlanteans have developed a weapon that can stop the Nazi monsters.
All they need is some of our refined uranium to power it.
Your mission is to take the uranium to Atlantis, use this weapon to destroy the Nazi monsters, and for the love of God, damn well kill Hitler.
There's something I don't like about this whole caper.
This is an opportunity to learn from an alternative civilisation, Claire.
Mankind has been searching for Atlantis for hundreds of years.
I see your meaning, Claire.
What if there is no Atlantis? And this Gibraltar character is full of Crab! - Precisely.
- No, look at that crab! Bet you could fry that up and live off leftovers for a year.
I think I just found your dare, guys.
Don't be a child, Jackson, we're on a mission.
- It is the sport of kings.
- You want us to go into the water? What's the matter, Tucker? Chicken? Nice one, Kilroy! I'll get your crab, if it means we can go on without any more juvenile interruptions.
- Aw, man! - Except from Kilroy.
Radical! My God, a shark! We have to help her! Give it here! llsa, can't you shoot it with something? Hurry! Where else was I supposed to put the munchies? Dr Snack's Jumbo Crunch.
I'm afraid they're delicious, my friends.
Atlantis! Claire Greetings, ambassadors.
Welcome to Atlantis.
Now, let us indulge in a refreshing beverage.
- It's all my fault.
- Pardon? Er We ran into some difficulty on the way here, Captain.
We lost two of our team.
He's not taking it very well.
- It's all my damn fault.
- How tragic indeed.
But these are the perils of the sea.
You do have the uranium? Superb.
We can begin the final alterations to the weapon! - No! - What is the meaning of this? - Take it easy.
- Nobody's getting it! I killed her! I killed her And now the world's not worth living in without her.
Without this case, the whole world is going to burn and I'm going to let it! Hush now, land-walker.
Let this potion ease the pain in your heart.
- Apologies, Captain - The pain of loss is a cruel serpent.
It will take my technicians several hours to ready the device.
In the meantime, I think you should get some rest.
A quick siesta would sharpen my senses.
- Way ahead of ya, buddy.
- You're the best, Kilroy.
- Tucker - I have to save you.
Tucker! Claire! - You're alive! - Why didn't you save me, Tucker? - I - You were afraid.
- And now it's too late! - No! No! Hey You know, you're much more attractive than Claire.
I guess this is goodbye.
Hey, Pierre Pierre! Wake up, Pierre.
Can I take batteries from your remote for my video game? You're the best, Kilroy! How was your rest? Do you feel any better, Tucker? - She's here.
- Oh, no.
She's here.
She's alive! - Who's here? - Claire! - I spoke with her.
- You are having visions.
This can happen when not accustomed to high pressures under the ocean.
Did anyone else have any visions? I had some, but it's probably from smoking all this Thai stick.
She wasn't a damn vision! She was real! I'm going to find her.
- It's for his own good.
- You have the deep-sea madness.
- You'll have to sleep it off.
- I'm not crazy! Come, the preparations are complete.
This fighting machine was developed by our scientists over the last century as the ultimate self-defence weapon.
Now that it is complete, we should be able to defeat the Nazi monsters.
This is indeed an impressive device, Gibraltar.
llsa, is this not a wonderment? llsa? Hey! Hello, do you think I could get some more of this lobster bisque? Where are they keeping her? Your German is very good.
Tucker - Hurry up, we don't have much time.
- Wait! Jackson? My friend! What is the meaning of this? My Fuehrer, it is now truly the ultimate fighting machine.
Jackson! Claire! You are alive! Where are we? You knew where you were when you lured me here.
- What are you talking about? - What's going on, Adolf? What did you do to Claire? Brainwash her? - Is she working for you now? - Nobody's done anything to me.
You cloned us! They are my children.
So that vision I had You heartless dog of a man.
You're tearing the world apart with your damn monsters.
What more do you want? - Not so fast, Hitlerino.
- I knew you would save us, Kilroy! De nada, compadre.
Noooooo! We need to get the last two clones! How do you feel, my friend? Hook me up with a Mac and some fries and I'll be like new.
- That's the spirit.
- I'm gonna fuckin' die, man! No, it will be all right, my friend.
Nine parts vodka, four parts grape flavoured fruit drink, freeze overnight, serve in plastic the perfect Beyond Chunderdome.
Shoot her, Tucker.
No, shoot her, Tucker! Shut up! All of you.
- This is a quite a conundrum.
- Can't we just tie them up? We don't have time for prisoners.
- What's my middle name? - Felix! What's my mortal fear? Water! Well, it seems Gibraltar has copied their memories perfectly.
- Then it's impossible.
- Not entirely, my friends.
Whilst you can copy the information in someone's brain, you cannot copy their emotions.
This is how we'll find the imposters.
I see.
That was beautiful.
I wrote that for you, Claire.
Thanks for the lessons, Pierre.
Russians don't have emotions.
So the test is no good on her, my friend.
The cloned llsa will say whatever she thinks I wanna hear to stay alive.
But the real llsa I don't know what she wants and I don't think she'll ever really know.
So Why shouldn't I kill you? Too easy.
So, what was your answer? Cinque Cinque! Cinque! Cinque! Cinque! Cinque! Oh, no We killed Hitler's clone! What happened? Can we fix it? I fear it is too late, my friends.
Tucker! Wake up, Tucker! Tucker! Not now! Tucker Tucker? Right then, are we back in business? Ladies and gentlemen I know you're all here just for the drinks, so I'll be brief.
Only joking.
Except for Marco Pranzo, he is just here for the drinks.
We're all here today to honour the five finest soldiers I've had the under my command.
I salute you.
And now I have the honour of handing over the formalities to the President of the World, Signor Massimiliano Importante.
Cinque, cinque, cinque, cinque.
Ciao.
Buona sera.
Looks like we need to get some copies cut! There's only one.
And now we dance.
Are you sick of striking out? Moreno pre-lit matches are lit at the factory for your convenience.
Moreno pre-lit matches keeping you alight.
- What do you want? - I want to speak to the manager.
The manager does not want to see you.
As previously agreed, the winners are awarded the right to subject the losers to one dare of their choice, to be redeemed at any time.
Don't screw this up.
I apologise.
Hey, llsa, did you listen to that record I gave you? Sort of? - You don't like music? - Hey, llsa Here's your Remigio Matina album.
It really opened my mind to easy listening.
- Everybody sit down! - Greetings, Colonel.
I said sit down! Now, you know I don't like to use the sit-down gun, but this morning we just don't have time for mucking about.
Major Allied cities have come under attack from Nazi monst Close your mouth.
Nazi monsters.
No conventional weapons can stop them.
And Allied command was almost ready to surrender until they received a telegram from this man.
He calls himself Gibraltar, and claims to be from the lost city of Atlantis.
This might sound crazy, but the Atlanteans have developed a weapon that can stop the Nazi monsters.
All they need is some of our refined uranium to power it.
Your mission is to take the uranium to Atlantis, use this weapon to destroy the Nazi monsters, and for the love of God, damn well kill Hitler.
There's something I don't like about this whole caper.
This is an opportunity to learn from an alternative civilisation, Claire.
Mankind has been searching for Atlantis for hundreds of years.
I see your meaning, Claire.
What if there is no Atlantis? And this Gibraltar character is full of Crab! - Precisely.
- No, look at that crab! Bet you could fry that up and live off leftovers for a year.
I think I just found your dare, guys.
Don't be a child, Jackson, we're on a mission.
- It is the sport of kings.
- You want us to go into the water? What's the matter, Tucker? Chicken? Nice one, Kilroy! I'll get your crab, if it means we can go on without any more juvenile interruptions.
- Aw, man! - Except from Kilroy.
Radical! My God, a shark! We have to help her! Give it here! llsa, can't you shoot it with something? Hurry! Where else was I supposed to put the munchies? Dr Snack's Jumbo Crunch.
I'm afraid they're delicious, my friends.
Atlantis! Claire Greetings, ambassadors.
Welcome to Atlantis.
Now, let us indulge in a refreshing beverage.
- It's all my fault.
- Pardon? Er We ran into some difficulty on the way here, Captain.
We lost two of our team.
He's not taking it very well.
- It's all my damn fault.
- How tragic indeed.
But these are the perils of the sea.
You do have the uranium? Superb.
We can begin the final alterations to the weapon! - No! - What is the meaning of this? - Take it easy.
- Nobody's getting it! I killed her! I killed her And now the world's not worth living in without her.
Without this case, the whole world is going to burn and I'm going to let it! Hush now, land-walker.
Let this potion ease the pain in your heart.
- Apologies, Captain - The pain of loss is a cruel serpent.
It will take my technicians several hours to ready the device.
In the meantime, I think you should get some rest.
A quick siesta would sharpen my senses.
- Way ahead of ya, buddy.
- You're the best, Kilroy.
- Tucker - I have to save you.
Tucker! Claire! - You're alive! - Why didn't you save me, Tucker? - I - You were afraid.
- And now it's too late! - No! No! Hey You know, you're much more attractive than Claire.
I guess this is goodbye.
Hey, Pierre Pierre! Wake up, Pierre.
Can I take batteries from your remote for my video game? You're the best, Kilroy! How was your rest? Do you feel any better, Tucker? - She's here.
- Oh, no.
She's here.
She's alive! - Who's here? - Claire! - I spoke with her.
- You are having visions.
This can happen when not accustomed to high pressures under the ocean.
Did anyone else have any visions? I had some, but it's probably from smoking all this Thai stick.
She wasn't a damn vision! She was real! I'm going to find her.
- It's for his own good.
- You have the deep-sea madness.
- You'll have to sleep it off.
- I'm not crazy! Come, the preparations are complete.
This fighting machine was developed by our scientists over the last century as the ultimate self-defence weapon.
Now that it is complete, we should be able to defeat the Nazi monsters.
This is indeed an impressive device, Gibraltar.
llsa, is this not a wonderment? llsa? Hey! Hello, do you think I could get some more of this lobster bisque? Where are they keeping her? Your German is very good.
Tucker - Hurry up, we don't have much time.
- Wait! Jackson? My friend! What is the meaning of this? My Fuehrer, it is now truly the ultimate fighting machine.
Jackson! Claire! You are alive! Where are we? You knew where you were when you lured me here.
- What are you talking about? - What's going on, Adolf? What did you do to Claire? Brainwash her? - Is she working for you now? - Nobody's done anything to me.
You cloned us! They are my children.
So that vision I had You heartless dog of a man.
You're tearing the world apart with your damn monsters.
What more do you want? - Not so fast, Hitlerino.
- I knew you would save us, Kilroy! De nada, compadre.
Noooooo! We need to get the last two clones! How do you feel, my friend? Hook me up with a Mac and some fries and I'll be like new.
- That's the spirit.
- I'm gonna fuckin' die, man! No, it will be all right, my friend.
Nine parts vodka, four parts grape flavoured fruit drink, freeze overnight, serve in plastic the perfect Beyond Chunderdome.
Shoot her, Tucker.
No, shoot her, Tucker! Shut up! All of you.
- This is a quite a conundrum.
- Can't we just tie them up? We don't have time for prisoners.
- What's my middle name? - Felix! What's my mortal fear? Water! Well, it seems Gibraltar has copied their memories perfectly.
- Then it's impossible.
- Not entirely, my friends.
Whilst you can copy the information in someone's brain, you cannot copy their emotions.
This is how we'll find the imposters.
I see.
That was beautiful.
I wrote that for you, Claire.
Thanks for the lessons, Pierre.
Russians don't have emotions.
So the test is no good on her, my friend.
The cloned llsa will say whatever she thinks I wanna hear to stay alive.
But the real llsa I don't know what she wants and I don't think she'll ever really know.
So Why shouldn't I kill you? Too easy.
So, what was your answer? Cinque Cinque! Cinque! Cinque! Cinque! Cinque! Oh, no We killed Hitler's clone! What happened? Can we fix it? I fear it is too late, my friends.
Tucker! Wake up, Tucker! Tucker! Not now! Tucker Tucker? Right then, are we back in business? Ladies and gentlemen I know you're all here just for the drinks, so I'll be brief.
Only joking.
Except for Marco Pranzo, he is just here for the drinks.
We're all here today to honour the five finest soldiers I've had the under my command.
I salute you.
And now I have the honour of handing over the formalities to the President of the World, Signor Massimiliano Importante.
Cinque, cinque, cinque, cinque.
Ciao.
Buona sera.
Looks like we need to get some copies cut! There's only one.
And now we dance.
Are you sick of striking out? Moreno pre-lit matches are lit at the factory for your convenience.
Moreno pre-lit matches keeping you alight.
- What do you want? - I want to speak to the manager.
The manager does not want to see you.