Decoys (2020) s01e06 Episode Script
Lloyd
1
Yeah. Keep rubbing it.
Should we be
doing this right now?
Yes! Everyone does it
before the competition.
Oh, God. I don't remember
it smelling so bad.
Don't get it on your fingers.
It won't come off.
Oh
This is hard work.
Well, it's duck carving.
Ladies and gentlemen,
thank you for a fantastic day
at the Northern
Alberta Carving Cup.
The judges have their
work cut out for them,
but they have been diligently
reviewing all submissions,
and now it's that
special, special time.
Without further ado,
your finalists.
The falcated duck
by Amandeep Singh.
Oh my God.
The mallard female by
Mary Jane Olinyuk.
The gadwall drake
by Frank Brunswick.
- The wood duck
- Yes!
by the artist
known as Zeke.
And finally, the loon
by Donald Sinclair.
That's my that's my duck.
I'm a finalist!
Whatever.
Hi there, Amandeep.
Hi, Barb.
What an amazing event.
And thank you so much for
all your volunteer work.
You know, you truly are
the soul behind this event.
Thank you, Amandeep.
Yes.
I, um I need to, uh
Actually, I need to inform you
that you
You won't be competing
in the finals.
What?
It has come to our attention
that you used paper feathers
to decorate your bird.
Is that bad?
We've been notified that
it's against the rules.
Frank
Sorry. Don't make the rules.
You helped write them.
Congratulations, Zeke.
Not now, duck girl.
- Here I go.
- Here you go.
Margaret
it's stuck.
What?!
It's stuck?
It was the varnish -
it didn't dry!
Now, it's get let me try.
Attention all finalists,
the float test and presentation
will begin in five minutes.
Oh, God
Okay.
Okay, buy us some time.
I'll fix this.
Buy us some time?
Buy us
Buy us some time
♪
Barb, can I get your help?
Sorry, can't talk.
Hey, man, can you help me?
Oh, bro, I I've got, like,
a couple Quaaludes left.
You wanna go smoke
a bong or something?
No, no. My duck's not ready.
I need you to delay them.
Oh! I can't do that right now.
I gotta focus.
I think I can
get it closer to the base.
Yeah, yeah.
I know you can.
Slow and steady, Marge.
Get it all.
Gotta float deep.
Duh, Rhett. It's a loon.
What's that?
Competitors
to the stage.
Last call.
Competitors to the stage.
Ladies and gentlemen,
please take your seats.
What's wrong?
Paper feathers are illegal.
Frank said so.
No, it's not.
That bully!
You come with me.
Rhett, finish the loon!
I got this!
Let's go. I'm ready.
We're falling behind!
Come on, Dennis.
Good afternoon, Lloydminster!
Where is it?
What is he doing here?
You were banned
for using paper feathers.
So what?
It's illegal.
No, it's not.
It's allowed.
I'm sorry, who are you again?
I'm his girlfriend,
and I've read your silly rule
book cover to cover three times.
Oh, bullshit.
Including the footnotes.
Are you
ready to get started?!
Fine.
Yes!
Christ, what's this
world coming to?
I said, are you really
ready to get started?!
What is going on?
Where is it?
You don't have
your duck, do you?
Technically, it's a loon.
Shut it.
Let's bring out those finalists!
This is it. Let's go. Line up.
I'm sorry.
Not so fast, Brunswick.
Not without the loon.
Yes,
that's right, folks!
Let's keep that applause going!
Let them hear it!
They're back there,
ready to go!
Oh, and here they come!
Say hello!
Some magnificent
ducks this year,
but these five,
these are the finest
Exquisite craftsmanship
on display.
Really, a masterclass
of execution.
Please, lower your ducks.
Welcome, competitors.
Here we go!
You don't make it to this stage
without a beautiful duck, folks,
that's for sure.
But now, it's time to see
if they can float!
It's all form and
function here baby.
You can't fake it one bit! Oh!
Let's start with
Frank Brunswick!
Ooh!
That is a perfect-looking
gadwall drake
from the godfather of
Alberta carving himself.
Let's see it swim, Frank.
Whoo! Oh, my!
That never gets old,
people, I tell ya.
Thank you very much, Frank.
Next up
New to the sport,
he describes carving as
a Canadian badge of honour
Amandeep Singh!
Oh!
Yeah!
Whoa!
Thank you, Amandeep.
Next up,
we have Mary Jane Olinyuk
who wanted me to add
that she's presenting
Mary Sue this year.
Don't do it for them.
Do it for me.
Yeah! Whoo! You did it!
Whoo!
Oh!
And now, he's carved alongside
the best in the biz
and in style Zeke!
What the hell is this?!
All right, Lloydminster!
Do it, Zeke!
Come on! Give me some love!
Yes!
Today,
we are going to see something
absolutely breath-taking!
Isn't that right, MC Dennis?
Yeah! Yeah, we are!
♪
♪
Thank you very much, Zeke!
Wow! Whoo!
Oh! What a rush!
Reminds me of those rave days.
Dark, dark times.
But for our
our final brave soul,
he's a newcomer from Edmonton,
it's a loon from Donald
Sinclair.
His father made it look
effortless for years.
But we all know that the loon is
the most difficult species
to float true.
A tremendous challenge.
Yes!
Wow!
I can't believe this!
The Loonatic has returned!
Donald Sinclair!
And now comes hardest
part of my job, folks.
Do you want to hear how these
ducks have been judged?
I'm sorry, are you all
wearing earmuffs?
Do you want to
hear the judges scores?!
And now
the 2020 Best
in Show competition
fifth place
Mary Jane Olinyuk.
Whoo!
Congratulations. Wow.
In fourth place
hate to love him Zeke!
I'm still dancing.
And then there were three.
In third place
Wow. Um
Frank Brunswick.
Excuse me?!
You get out of my face!
Congratulations, Frank.
Roy? Marv! Roy?
Damn it! This is the best
work I've ever done!
This is the best gadwall drake
you'll ever see in your life!
Marv, damn it!
You don't have a clue
about gadwall drakes!
Everyone knows that's
your weakest species!
And Roy, Judas priest!
Roy, look at the thickness
of your damn glasses!
You wouldn't know
a gadwall's jizz
if it hit you in the face!
God! You
You're not worth the God!
I'm outta here!
What a good competitor.
Wow. What a spirit.
Don't go, Frank.
Stay, please.
Finally. Okay.
And now, we have two!
In second place
Donald Sinclair!
And with a unique bird
we've never seen before,
Amandeep is our winner!
Oh my God! I did it!
Whoo!
Barb
Well done, kid.
Your dad would be proud.
Simran, babe, we did it!
Next stop nationals!
Thank you, ladies and gentlemen,
and congratulations on
another amazing competition!
- Feels kind of cool.
- What's that?
To be dating The Loonatic.
I'm just a second place winner.
Winner? You just met her.
♪
Truth be told
I kind of knew it.
No, you didn't.
Kind of.
Not at all.
Oh, Simran
Oh, no.
Later. Not on camera.
"Later."
She said "later."
I've seen the Rockies rise
high above the trees ♪
I've seen the northern lights,
brought me to my knees ♪
Where you are ♪
So, this is Karen.
Karen works for
the Shopping Channel.
So, if you need a pashmina
Time leads you home ♪
I've been
wearing these coveralls
every time I've been inspired
to pull a duck from the wood.
It's not, like, superstition.
They're just enchanted.
Time wanders on ♪
Time leads you home ♪
I've seen the sun
scorch the land in flame ♪
Harvest fields burnt
beneath her blaze ♪
Heard the wild geese cry
as they cross the plain ♪
Heard the wind call my name ♪
I've seen a hundred towns ♪
Cities shining bright ♪
Slept among the summer stars ♪
Danced through
winter's nights ♪
Where you are,
where you roam ♪
Time wanders on ♪
Time leads you home ♪
♪
Yeah. Keep rubbing it.
Should we be
doing this right now?
Yes! Everyone does it
before the competition.
Oh, God. I don't remember
it smelling so bad.
Don't get it on your fingers.
It won't come off.
Oh
This is hard work.
Well, it's duck carving.
Ladies and gentlemen,
thank you for a fantastic day
at the Northern
Alberta Carving Cup.
The judges have their
work cut out for them,
but they have been diligently
reviewing all submissions,
and now it's that
special, special time.
Without further ado,
your finalists.
The falcated duck
by Amandeep Singh.
Oh my God.
The mallard female by
Mary Jane Olinyuk.
The gadwall drake
by Frank Brunswick.
- The wood duck
- Yes!
by the artist
known as Zeke.
And finally, the loon
by Donald Sinclair.
That's my that's my duck.
I'm a finalist!
Whatever.
Hi there, Amandeep.
Hi, Barb.
What an amazing event.
And thank you so much for
all your volunteer work.
You know, you truly are
the soul behind this event.
Thank you, Amandeep.
Yes.
I, um I need to, uh
Actually, I need to inform you
that you
You won't be competing
in the finals.
What?
It has come to our attention
that you used paper feathers
to decorate your bird.
Is that bad?
We've been notified that
it's against the rules.
Frank
Sorry. Don't make the rules.
You helped write them.
Congratulations, Zeke.
Not now, duck girl.
- Here I go.
- Here you go.
Margaret
it's stuck.
What?!
It's stuck?
It was the varnish -
it didn't dry!
Now, it's get let me try.
Attention all finalists,
the float test and presentation
will begin in five minutes.
Oh, God
Okay.
Okay, buy us some time.
I'll fix this.
Buy us some time?
Buy us
Buy us some time
♪
Barb, can I get your help?
Sorry, can't talk.
Hey, man, can you help me?
Oh, bro, I I've got, like,
a couple Quaaludes left.
You wanna go smoke
a bong or something?
No, no. My duck's not ready.
I need you to delay them.
Oh! I can't do that right now.
I gotta focus.
I think I can
get it closer to the base.
Yeah, yeah.
I know you can.
Slow and steady, Marge.
Get it all.
Gotta float deep.
Duh, Rhett. It's a loon.
What's that?
Competitors
to the stage.
Last call.
Competitors to the stage.
Ladies and gentlemen,
please take your seats.
What's wrong?
Paper feathers are illegal.
Frank said so.
No, it's not.
That bully!
You come with me.
Rhett, finish the loon!
I got this!
Let's go. I'm ready.
We're falling behind!
Come on, Dennis.
Good afternoon, Lloydminster!
Where is it?
What is he doing here?
You were banned
for using paper feathers.
So what?
It's illegal.
No, it's not.
It's allowed.
I'm sorry, who are you again?
I'm his girlfriend,
and I've read your silly rule
book cover to cover three times.
Oh, bullshit.
Including the footnotes.
Are you
ready to get started?!
Fine.
Yes!
Christ, what's this
world coming to?
I said, are you really
ready to get started?!
What is going on?
Where is it?
You don't have
your duck, do you?
Technically, it's a loon.
Shut it.
Let's bring out those finalists!
This is it. Let's go. Line up.
I'm sorry.
Not so fast, Brunswick.
Not without the loon.
Yes,
that's right, folks!
Let's keep that applause going!
Let them hear it!
They're back there,
ready to go!
Oh, and here they come!
Say hello!
Some magnificent
ducks this year,
but these five,
these are the finest
Exquisite craftsmanship
on display.
Really, a masterclass
of execution.
Please, lower your ducks.
Welcome, competitors.
Here we go!
You don't make it to this stage
without a beautiful duck, folks,
that's for sure.
But now, it's time to see
if they can float!
It's all form and
function here baby.
You can't fake it one bit! Oh!
Let's start with
Frank Brunswick!
Ooh!
That is a perfect-looking
gadwall drake
from the godfather of
Alberta carving himself.
Let's see it swim, Frank.
Whoo! Oh, my!
That never gets old,
people, I tell ya.
Thank you very much, Frank.
Next up
New to the sport,
he describes carving as
a Canadian badge of honour
Amandeep Singh!
Oh!
Yeah!
Whoa!
Thank you, Amandeep.
Next up,
we have Mary Jane Olinyuk
who wanted me to add
that she's presenting
Mary Sue this year.
Don't do it for them.
Do it for me.
Yeah! Whoo! You did it!
Whoo!
Oh!
And now, he's carved alongside
the best in the biz
and in style Zeke!
What the hell is this?!
All right, Lloydminster!
Do it, Zeke!
Come on! Give me some love!
Yes!
Today,
we are going to see something
absolutely breath-taking!
Isn't that right, MC Dennis?
Yeah! Yeah, we are!
♪
♪
Thank you very much, Zeke!
Wow! Whoo!
Oh! What a rush!
Reminds me of those rave days.
Dark, dark times.
But for our
our final brave soul,
he's a newcomer from Edmonton,
it's a loon from Donald
Sinclair.
His father made it look
effortless for years.
But we all know that the loon is
the most difficult species
to float true.
A tremendous challenge.
Yes!
Wow!
I can't believe this!
The Loonatic has returned!
Donald Sinclair!
And now comes hardest
part of my job, folks.
Do you want to hear how these
ducks have been judged?
I'm sorry, are you all
wearing earmuffs?
Do you want to
hear the judges scores?!
And now
the 2020 Best
in Show competition
fifth place
Mary Jane Olinyuk.
Whoo!
Congratulations. Wow.
In fourth place
hate to love him Zeke!
I'm still dancing.
And then there were three.
In third place
Wow. Um
Frank Brunswick.
Excuse me?!
You get out of my face!
Congratulations, Frank.
Roy? Marv! Roy?
Damn it! This is the best
work I've ever done!
This is the best gadwall drake
you'll ever see in your life!
Marv, damn it!
You don't have a clue
about gadwall drakes!
Everyone knows that's
your weakest species!
And Roy, Judas priest!
Roy, look at the thickness
of your damn glasses!
You wouldn't know
a gadwall's jizz
if it hit you in the face!
God! You
You're not worth the God!
I'm outta here!
What a good competitor.
Wow. What a spirit.
Don't go, Frank.
Stay, please.
Finally. Okay.
And now, we have two!
In second place
Donald Sinclair!
And with a unique bird
we've never seen before,
Amandeep is our winner!
Oh my God! I did it!
Whoo!
Barb
Well done, kid.
Your dad would be proud.
Simran, babe, we did it!
Next stop nationals!
Thank you, ladies and gentlemen,
and congratulations on
another amazing competition!
- Feels kind of cool.
- What's that?
To be dating The Loonatic.
I'm just a second place winner.
Winner? You just met her.
♪
Truth be told
I kind of knew it.
No, you didn't.
Kind of.
Not at all.
Oh, Simran
Oh, no.
Later. Not on camera.
"Later."
She said "later."
I've seen the Rockies rise
high above the trees ♪
I've seen the northern lights,
brought me to my knees ♪
Where you are ♪
So, this is Karen.
Karen works for
the Shopping Channel.
So, if you need a pashmina
Time leads you home ♪
I've been
wearing these coveralls
every time I've been inspired
to pull a duck from the wood.
It's not, like, superstition.
They're just enchanted.
Time wanders on ♪
Time leads you home ♪
I've seen the sun
scorch the land in flame ♪
Harvest fields burnt
beneath her blaze ♪
Heard the wild geese cry
as they cross the plain ♪
Heard the wind call my name ♪
I've seen a hundred towns ♪
Cities shining bright ♪
Slept among the summer stars ♪
Danced through
winter's nights ♪
Where you are,
where you roam ♪
Time wanders on ♪
Time leads you home ♪
♪