Dinner Time Live with David Chang (2024) s01e06 Episode Script

1
[intro music playing]
-All right, guys, we're live.
-[Bert laughing]
Welcome to Dinner Time Live
with me, Dave Chang.
We got
the voice of the Internet, Chris Ying,
and I'm joined
with two of my most favorite people.
-The Podfather, Bill Simmons.
-Hi, Chang.
[Dave] Bert Kreischer. Thank you, guys.
[cheers and applause]
It goes understated
how much of the Podfather he is.
Started his podcast in 2007
before any of us were doing it.
It is an honor to sit next to you.
It was me and Marc Maron
and Abe Lincoln's grandson.
The three of us.
I loved watching you do an intro.
When Chang was doing
his podcast for The Ringer
Couldn't do it.
He had Chuck Knobloch,
the guy who couldn't throw to first base,
he got so psyched out by the intros,
he got the yips.
That's not the only thing.
He'd record them over and over.
I'm gonna get it at some point
during this too.
-Don't worry.
-[Bert] Drink. They go away.
-How did you get over the hump?
-I did it a lot.
[Bill] We had to write 'em down.
You were Luca Brasi in The Godfather.
"Hello, Godfather."
[Chris] Bill brought out the baby photos.
Oh, my God.
[Chris] Dave didn't want
the baby photos around.
I made you guys some antipasto,
but you don't want to even touch it.
No.
I was waiting until the cameras were on.
-Yeah.
-Is that prosciutto?
[Dave] You guys don't understand all
the food that's about to come your way.
[Bert] What are these?
Let me explain what's happening today.
-So, Bert, you are looking great.
-Thank you.
-You are on a keto, carnivore diet?
-Yeah, super healthy.
No carbs.
I've been carnivore,
but this is like Amsterdam in the '90s.
There are no rules, no condoms.
I'm going after it.
-What's that even mean?
-[all laughing]
-What?
-What does that even mean?
Talking conspiracy theories.
Is Amsterdam like that?
No, you have to wear condoms now.
In the '90s, you're like,
"What, am I gonna get her pregnant?"
"I don't care."
"So I have a kid that speaks Dutch
and ice-skates to school."
-Chris, what are we gonna do?
-I don't know.
[Bert] We want comments.
-You're supposed to talk about the menu.
-Let me tell you.
I wanted to make sure
this was like a splurge in carbs for you,
and Bill Simmons tells me
every time I meet him
that he's half-Italian.
So I wanted to make sure
That's his signature. He's half-Italian.
He told me Italians and Koreans
are kissing cousins.
-It's sort of true.
-Really?
-We have a lot of similarities.
-Yeah.
-There's some temper stuff.
-What are they?
Sonny Corleone
could've been Korean easily.
[Chris] I want you to name
some racial similarities.
Yeah, let's do the racial similarities.
The women both wear sexy shoes.
-Oh, Lord.
-Are we not doing this?
-[Chris] No.
-You do it.
I wanna hear Chang.
I gotta finish telling you guys
what we're cooking tonight.
-Koreans are very stylish.
-I am not.
Well, not you.
Can't do that to all Koreans.
But they are predominantly.
And the Italians are very stylish.
They're both intense.
That's our kinship. And creative.
We've finished
the racial stereotyping part of the show.
This is, I would say, the hardest menu
of the ones we've done.
-[Dave] Been cooking a lot.
-[Bill] Nice.
So, I'm going to do some Italian food
and Italian-American food.
It's surely going to piss off
my good friends
that make this kind of cuisine.
But I'm doing it out of love.
I've made a lot of fun
of Italian food over years.
It's only because they won.
-I think the world acknowledges
-It's, like, envy.
I think so. Yeah. I'm just jealous.
-I'm just jealous of Italian food.
-[Bert] It's so good.
Italian food is like a big chick
with big tits.
Like, you're never gonna go wrong.
You're always gonna be like,
"That was great."
But you don't want to, like
-It is exactly like that.
-Hey, Bill, let's have a drink.
It's good having you here.
David, are you drinking? Take a big swig.
I'll have a drink.
Bill said , "I'm not gonna
waste my time on breadsticks."
"That's like having sex with a fluffer
when there's a porn"
You said that.
You said that! You were like,
"I'm not doing breadsticks."
-[Bill] You said, "The fluffer"
-[all laughing]
So
We're not gonna make it through this.
[Bill] I'm glad I'm here
for the last show.
[spluttering]
[Bert] I just spit wine out my nose.
-I just spit wine out my nose.
-[Bill] Oh, no.
I spit wine out my nose.
-The napkins are for that.
-This is why you know we're live.
[Chris] We're so dead.
I just wiped my makeup off.
That just made me hungrier.
-Oh, man. So, back to the food.
-[Bert] Yes.
This is a fava bean and sugar snap salad
with Pecorino Romano.
This is a dish that I made a version of
from Marco Canora when I was at Craft,
and he learned it
from a restaurant called Cibréo.
So, this is really a bastardized,
terrible interpretation of it.
-And I'm gonna make you a beef carpaccio.
-[Bert] Love it.
I think this goes well with truffles,
but we blew our load last week
in terms of budget.
So we're giving you With all the caviar.
-[Bert] Seth and Ike.
-I know.
[Bill] He's like, "Seth's here,
Gonna do all the good stuff."
But you guys get truffle potato chips.
[Chris exclaims]
[Dave] That's what this is.
This is garlic, this is onions
and truffle potato chips.
Fascinating. I usually have
only had carpaccio with a spicy mustard.
That's more of, like,
a steak tartare, right?
[Bert] You're right.
I've had that at steakhouses.
I've never really had fava beans,
I don't think.
Fava and sugar snaps, yeah.
It's "fava."
-What's our fork situation?
-To the left.
-Don't watch the show?
-Yeah, Bill.
-[Bert] It's right here. Bill.
-[Dave laughs]
Right here.
Feel like Iliza Shlesinger on this show.
I've literally watched every show.
Bert, I'm so impressed.
You've really been watching.
I watch this show nonstop.
You know my algorithm's just food.
And if it's ethnic food,
My Wiggly Friend, the broth show,
anything in Korea, I'm in.
And this show has everything.
Netflix has some
great Korean food programming.
-[Bert] The best.
-It's really good.
Anything Rhapsody is good.
-What's your algorithm for Netflix?
-[sighs] I don't know.
[Bill] Mine is lot of serial killers.
-Well, that makes sense.
-Yeah.
I like serial killer programs.
Dave, you have the fluffer of antipasto.
You've got a salad here.
You've got a little carpaccio
that we saw you pound out with that tool.
-You've got more surprises.
-After that course,
I'm going to make you guys a raviolo.
All right, which is singular, raviolo.
A ravioli.
And I learned it
from a chef called Claude Bosi.
His name's Claude Bosi,
at a restaurant called Hibiscus,
and I spent some time there,
like, a decade-plus.
And it's awesome, 'cause you have
this egg yolk and it just is
-There's something about egg yolk
-[Bert grunts]
that's sexy and delicious.
Gonna have that.
And you guys are gonna help me
make your own.
And I'm fully anticipating
a total disaster.
Like when they let the kids cook.
-Exactly.
-At a birthday party.
Exactly. This is almost going to be
our first and last culinary challenge
on Dinner Time Live.
[Bert] Is this toasted garlic?
-It is.
-This is really good.
-Thanks.
-This is excellent.
Carpaccio, you know how you make it?
You just get a filet, freeze it,
and then thinly slice it.
You can get them at Ralph's.
I've done that.
[Dave] And then, after this course
And also, I am not an expert
at making raviolo.
So, I just wanted to see how
[Bert] I've seen you make pasta.
It's sexy.
Not as sexy as his gnocchi.
The pipe bag gnocchi
is one of the hottest things
I've ever seen on Netflix.
Why are you calling it raviolo?
Because that's what it's called, Bill.
By who?
[Chris laughs]
-By Italians.
-Is this, like, your street cred thing?
This is where your half-Italian stops.
[Bill] We call it ravioli.
Yeah, but are you real Italian?
What do you call mozzarella?
Mozzarella.
-Okay.
-Yeah.
-What do you mean?
-That's hot. I like that.
We do that, and my parents are German.
I'm only on my mom's side.
My dad's side is, like, just mutts.
You can't do that
with any other ethnicity like German.
You can't go like, "I'll have ein Bier!"
-Like, that's how our people say it.
-Right.
One thing with being Italian
The food on Easter,
it's, like, four or five courses.
The goal is to make everybody
basically feel sick
until you're just sitting on the couch,
pretending to watch TV.
I think, Bill, that's going to happen
to you tonight as well.
[Bill] I'm worried.
We got more secrets after the raviolo.
If we get to the last course after this,
after the disaster that's about to happen.
I've been working a lot. I spent
How many hours did I spend
making this damn thing? Nine?
It's a eight or nine-hour process
for the secret that we'll reveal.
-There's also a secret cut of pork.
-[Dave] Yeah, I forgot.
-We've got a lot.
-[Chris] It's even a secret to Dave.
We've got a lot to cook.
This is a sofrito.
I'm not finishing everything.
[Bert] No. Here's the deal.
Just take little samples of it.
I've watched people blow their loads
on this show, and they go real hard.
Seth Rogen went way too hard.
I could see it.
He was just stuffing his face.
Yeah, well, yeah.
-His lifestyle is like
-Well, I'm going to tell you right now,
Seth ate way more than you guys already.
He ate a lot. You guys are doing fine.
But I would say Ike and Seth
ate the most by far
in our previous episodes.
I was distracted by Ike's necklace
out of his shirt.
It was an interesting choice.
[all laughing]
Because that's a choice.
When they mic you, you put it out.
-Right.
-I'm like, "That's odd. You're Christian."
Chang, have you argued with anyone
about food more than me?
You have some really bad food takes.
[Bill] He hates my food takes.
It's interesting to argue
with a chef about food.
What are your food takes?
Well, I think Chang overrates
certain cooking things.
Like?
I can make a really good mac and cheese,
I feel like mine versus Chang's,
I'm gonna be 90% as good.
This guy also thinks that he makes
the best meat sauce in the world.
[Bill] Well, I probably do.
[Bert] Walk me through it.
-Close, but
-Walk me through.
Chang's like, "I levitate up here.
It's me and Bianco and them."
[Dave] Not true.
"All the peons can't make food
anywhere close to me."
I'm like, "I'd take the Pepsi Challenge."
Okay, then that leads
into a great question.
Someone, say, like a musician,
where it's a natural talent.
You go, "That was what
they were meant to do."
Is being a chef something
anyone could achieve
-with just enough focus?
-No.
'Cause here's where Chang
was really special.
We were in Augusta for the Masters,
and we were staying at this family's house
that they rented for us.
And Chang got hungry at twelve o'clock,
and we found where the food was.
-You know, they lock the
-Yeah.
So we somehow got into that.
And then Chang was like,
"I'm gonna make buffalo chicken nachos."
I somehow made a pizza
from shelf-stable ingredients.
Yeah. He made, like, a MacGyver pizza.
-It was pretty good.
-It was amazing.
When you go to another state
and everything closes at ten o'clock?
[both] Yeah.
[Bill] They wouldn't deliver Domino's,
so he was like, "I'll do this"
We were like, "You're gonna make
a pizza out of all that?"
He did. It was impressive.
I used to watch him cook
for his Your daughter?
-Son. Wife. Yeah.
-[Bert] His son.
One time, he was making breakfast,
they were playing Elsa
singing in the background,
and I thought it was his wife.
-It was a TV show.
-[all laugh]
I pull my wife,
I go, "Listen to his wife's voice."
-"It is magical."
-So beautiful.
And I played it and she goes,
"That's Frozen, dummy."
I was like, "Oh."
[Chris] Or you just outed Dave
for having an affair
with Idina Menzel on TV.
-You may have just outed him.
-The world knows.
If you could have an affair
with one celebrity
that your wife would go, "I get it,"
who would it be?
[all laughing]
Or update us on what you're doing
with the cooking right now.
Or how about this beautiful secreto pork?
[Bert] What's that?
This is a piece of pork that I seasoned
with some Momofuku Savory Salt
and some fennel,
and I'm gonna sear it off,
and I'm gonna try very hard to make sure
we never answer that question.
[Chris] If you guys
feel like answering that question,
-I'm happy to hear it.
-[Bert] I'm in.
[Bill] Nobody should answer that.
-If I had sex with Dolly Parton
-LeeAnn would let you?
She'd be like,
"I get it.
She gave books to all the young kids."
Can I tell you the one name
that did pop into my head?
-[Bill] God, no.
-[Bert] Please.
It was brought up from last episode.
[Bill] Do you have a prenup?
Barbra Streisand.
-[all laughing]
-[Bert] Oh, wow.
I'm being honest.
The first name that popped up.
-[Chris] You guys have a thing.
-Yeah.
Koreans and Italians, I guess.
[Bert] Barbra Streisand's a gangster.
You guys are not feeling
my Barbra Streisand.
I think Barbra Streisand
is awesome and sexy.
What was the boxing movie she did?
-Main Event?
-Main Event.
That is the sexiest Barbra Streisand.
I think the biggest female star
of the '70s.
There's a thing
called the Streisand effect.
-Heard that?
-Yeah.
Can you explain it then?
I don't know what it is.
-Isn't it like
-[all laughing]
You think something happened
but it didn't actually,
-but you assume it did.
-No.
It's when you're a celebrity
and think you can stop
something from happening
'cause of it.
You're like, "That's it."
"No one will talk about
my dot-dot-dot online,
I'm bringing the lawyers in."
And then the Internet goes,
"Okay," and then they light you up.
-That's the Streisand effect?
-I don't think so.
[Bert] Can you google it?
I think the Streisand effect
is when everybody watches you guys
make raviolo for the first time.
Come on.
-[Bert] We're coming over?
-Yeah.
[Chris] Here we go.
Don't stop googling.
"The Streisand effect
is an unintended consequence
of attempts to hide,
remove or censor information."
I think, Bert, you're right
about the Streisand effect.
[Bert] Bingo! Call me the ringer.
-Look at this showdown.
-[Bill] What was I thinking of?
[Bert] You're thinking
What's the thing
where you think something happened
but it was something else?
-Gaslighting.
-[Chris] Gaslighting.
[Dave] All right, now All right
We forgot to wash our hands.
I'm not Wash your hands.
-Bert, you're good.
-It's my ravioli, right?
-[Chris] Wash your hands.
-Been with my hands all day.
It's my ravioli.
[all laughing]
-[Chris] He's an anti-handwasher.
-Here's the idea.
And don't shoot the messenger,
because this was not my idea.
This was Chris Ying
and a bunch of the producers here.
[Bill] Okay.
I'm not gonna show you how.
I'm gonna tell you
and you're gonna try to assemble.
You're gonna take some of this
ricotta mascarpone pea filling,
and this is frozen peas.
Feels like you're trying to embarrass us.
-I am. 1,000%.
-Okay.
You're gonna put
a small poo coil in the center
and crack an egg yolk in the center,
and then we're gonna make
-Crack an egg yolk?
-Yes.
You can put the egg whites in here.
Yeah, you go first.
-How do we open this?
-No.
You're already starting on the wrong end.
-My God.
-It's
-I told you It's open.
-Yeah.
-[Chris] Pipe a poo coil.
-Squeeze it in.
[Dave] Poo coil.
-I did say poo coil.
-Isn't it open?
Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, that's
But it's like you're piping it.
You did this because it would
look cool visually?
[Bert] I have a dirty joke
I wish I could tell
about a limp dick.
-But I won't.
-[Dave] You should try.
-Yeah.
-Bill, what are you doing?
Bill, I think that that's your top.
I think that's your top of your raviolo.
So I think what you want to do
is you want to pipe it like this, right?
Get the outside.
-[Bill] I'm doing it the way I want.
-Then I'll do it the way David wanted.
Is this Nailed It?
-Nailed It! Live?
-Okay.
[Chris] This is something.
[Bill] What else do we have to put in?
Crack an egg yolk into it.
-I'm only gonna explain.
-Oh, shit.
I'm not gonna show you how to do it.
Have you ever gotten an egg yolk out?
-And then, boom.
-Okay.
[Chris] Bert's got moves.
The thing is this.
When we were coming up for a name
for the show,
the name we wanted to use
was Something's Burning.
But this guy took it.
Yeah.
Do you have a fork to, like,
push the sides down?
[Dave] You guys
-[Bill] Do you have to use the whites?
-[Dave] You don't.
Just use the other side
'cause it's a little more blunt,
and then you can
Oh, my God.
Are you really trying?
I can't tell if you're trying or not.
[all laughing]
I can cook.
Ever been in science class
and looked to your partner
to see if their answers were right?
They're using the eraser?
You're like,
"You're not filling this out right."
This is what we expected.
Can we get a close-up
of what the Podfather made?
Is that bad?
[Chris] No. It looks great, Bill.
-[Dave] Bill!
-[Bill] What?
How did you do yours?
[Bert laughs] I showed you how to do it.
[Dave] One of the worst things
I've ever seen.
Look, his are sexy.
It was my first one.
-Yeah?
-I need a mulligan.
[Dave] What are you trying to do?
You telling me
this doesn't look delicious?
No
Were you trying,
or are you trying to be funny?
-Or both?
-I was trying.
I didn't realize the yolk
was gonna go like that.
-[Chris] I'm gonna declare
-[Bill] Bert as the winner?
Bert the winner
of this raviolo challenge.
-You had to find the nest for the egg.
-So what did I do wrong?
I didn't use enough of that.
You're doing, like, a big one.
That's a raviolo.
-[Bill] You were throwing me off.
-[Dave] This is your people's.
-But you're half-Italian.
-[Bill] This is what we have.
This was the other half.
[Bert] This would say a lot about
the Italian culture in America.
[Dave] The fact that
I'm showing people this is a problem.
I still feel like I could save this.
-You cannot save this.
-[Bill] This is good.
[Bert] No. Yeah.
Just spoon all that yolk back in.
-Yeah. I'm gonna
-Need another egg?
-Yeah. No.
-No, but finger some of that in.
-Finger what?
-Finger your yolk.
Shove it in with your finger.
Then put this on top.
[Dave] Bill, that looks like modern art.
-[Bert] There you go.
-I'm gonna make a quesadilla.
-[Bert] Good.
-[all laughing]
[Bill] How's that?
Okay. Then do you flip it and cut it?
[Chris] As long as the health inspector's
gonna let you guys stay back there.
I can't believe that
Bert Kreischer just showed you up.
He knows so much compared to you.
-Do you cut it now?
-Yes.
All right, we're gonna cook that, Bill.
[Bill] Look. Mine turned out really good.
[Bert] Mine looks like a tit.
Look, you can almost see it.
Are you seeing this?
Mine looks hot. I almost cursed.
[Dave] What do you think
your family's gonna say?
[Bert] That doesn't look bad.
[Bill] Everyone made fun,
but I had a process.
Doesn't look so bad.
That looks terrible.
Mine looks terrible too,
don't worry about it.
I don't know if mine's gonna hold.
[Bill] Mine looks almost like a dessert.
[Bert] I wish I'd done mine like yours.
Mine looks like
I think mine's just a ball.
[Chris] Let's let Dave cook now.
-Can we have a hand for the two
-[applauds]
[Bill] Thanks.
[Chris] Two bears, one raviolo over here.
[Bill] I'm not gonna wash my hands.
-[Bert] I'm gonna.
-Well, that was
That was exactly how I thought
it was going to play out.
-[Chris laughs]
-Exactly.
-[Chris] Nice work, fellas.
-[Bert] By the way, that was
Making the pasta's the hardest thing.
You making pasta
-I know.
-Now I can't stop looking at this,
thinking of a boob.
[Bert] Looks like a breast implant.
[Chris] Very supple.
Was that the opposite of me trying
to teach you how to do podcast intros?
[Dave] This was
Is that the equivalent?
Was that my podcast equivalent?
-[Bill] Yeah.
-[Dave] Good Lord.
[Bill] Look at it,
the beautiful ravioli I made.
[Dave] We're gonna put this right here.
-Come on.
-It's not that bad-looking.
-Looks like a macaron.
-It's delicious.
It does look like a macaron.
There was a beauty in bad podcast, though.
Back in the day,
you'd hear people fall apart
on their podcasts.
One of the best I ever listened to,
Brody Stevens had a podcast
where the 45 minutes was him
trying to get the intro right
-and it was
-Just getting mad.
Just getting more mad
at them screwing it up.
It was genius. Genius.
-I remember
-[Chris] How's the secret pork?
The secreto? It's doing good.
I think secreto is very similar
to the chashu, like
Do you ever get Chinese barbecue pork?
-That cut? It's so good.
-[Bert] Yeah.
I think it's similar
[Chris] It all comes from the shoulder,
-it's super fatty.
-Just doesn't sound as cool as secreto.
Secreto is really hard to get a hold of.
I've tried to get a hold of secreto,
and it's not something
you can easily acquire.
[Chris] This is absolutely true.
The butchers keep it for themselves.
What did you season that with?
People are wondering.
-[Dave] Season?
-[Bert] Momofuku salt.
Yeah. Savory Salt, and
What else did I do?
Fennel, sugar
-[Bert] Fennel's slept on. It's so good.
-What else?
-I can't remember.
-[Chris] The pork.
[Bert] Fennel is so freaking good.
[Bill] I don't like how you kept
my ravioli over here
like it's being punished outside a class.
[all laughing]
[Chris] It's like the last kid
that doesn't get to come back
in the classroom.
We're gonna cook this
and if this doesn't burst
[Bert] It may.
This is almost like 2001: Space Odyssey,
the model that they sent.
I don't even understand what
It's almost like an Uncrustable.
[Chris] You may have invented
a new pasta shape.
[Bill] Those are delicious.
[Bert] That's my favorite thing.
More things should be uncrustable style.
Chang's going through it now.
One of the best things about having kids
is going through
all the food stages with them.
They have the macaroni and cheese,
cheap chicken fingers stage
and then it gets better.
I listened to Jon Favreau one time
talk about gaining weight,
and he said, "It's because I had kids,"
and I don't think anyone got it.
'Cause you finish the mac and cheese,
the hot dogs,
-the grilled cheese.
-[Bill] Pizza crust.
-[Bert] The pizza crust.
-They all told me this
and I didn't understand.
There's so many things that
people who have kids
[Bill] You humiliated me
by making two raviolis.
There's so many things
that people tell you
that you don't understand
until much later about having kids,
one of which is this whole eating thing.
I didn't know that I would be consuming
all this food that my kids never ate.
I think every parent feels it.
Tell 'em the best thing
I told you about kids.
The ACL?
I said having your first kid
is like tearing your ACL.
Then if you have the second kid,
it's like then tearing your Achilles.
Basically you're Klay Thompson
and you're just trying to survive
-from that point on.
-That's not nice.
-He had both injuries.
-You've been so mean to Klay.
That's not mean.
I'm just saying he had both injuries.
Then you're trying to rehab
your career with those two
[Chris] Let's bring Klay Thompson out
from the back.
[Bert] I thought you'd say
it's like blowing out your ACL
because you spend your life in sweatpants.
Oh, yeah, that's true.
I was like, "That does make sense."
-You don't get off the couch
-You compromise.
I did microwave broccoli.
-We're gonna get to that.
-[Bill] Microwave broccoli?
-[Bert] What?
-[Bill] Is it Northern Italy?
Um Yeah, it's from
Catherine de' Medici right?
[Chris] I believe the Medicis
introduced the microwave to
-[Dave] And broccoli.
-Yes.
[Bert] Went to Italy,
know who the Medicis are.
Did not know
Julius Caesar was a real person.
[Chris] Until when?
[Bert] At his grave.
[Dave] How did you not know
Julius Caesar was a real
Little Caesars, and like
-[all laughing]
-I knew that it was a thing.
The Caesar haircut, Caesar salad.
-He's all over the place, so
-Didn't you learn this
-in the eight years you were at college?
-I did not.
-As a matter of fact
-It was nine years.
I leaned over to my daughter
at his grave and I go,
"Yo, Julius Caesar, is he a real person?"
And this tart looks at me and goes,
"That's a great question
for the group, Dad."
-And so I raised my hand
-That's so dismissive.
and I was like
And I watched her hit my wife
like, "It's happening."
And Yeah, no. Also didn't know
Michelangelo's name wasn't Michael Angelo.
-[Bill] That it was one word.
-It's one word.
I thought they were like,
"Yo, Miss Angelo!"
That it was Micheal Angelo, VP at Netflix.
Can I give you a hot take
about Michelangelo?
I think the Sistine Chapel's overrated.
[all laughing]
You spend all this time.
And when you get there,
and I was like,
"It looks better on a computer screen."
-[Bill] It's better in movies.
-Yeah.
[Bert] Can I tell you
another hot take on him?
Do you know why he made
the David's cock so small?
-[Dave snickers]
-Can I say "cock"?
-Yeah.
-[Chris] You did it twice, it's okay.
Penis?
-Genital?
-I guess you can't edit that out.
-You know why?
-What about "crank"?
His crank is so small
because he didn't want people
looking at the statue going,
"Look at the size of that hog."
For real, 'cause then no one would look
at the veins in the forearms.
And so he was like
really insightful to go
[Dave] You gotta help us, man.
What's happening?
[Chris] Do you cook all three
of your various raviolos?
Or just ones that you made?
[Bert] Bill, you're slowing down.
Get loose
[Bill] You put mine in.
-No, I didn't.
-[Bill] I'm super loose.
Bert's exploded.
-[Bert] Really?
-[Chris] Oh, Bert.
Yours turned the water green.
[Bert] Ah
-[Bill laughs] Yeah! So I win.
-No.
[Bill] I won.
You didn't even, like,
write your name on the SATs.
[Bill] Where's mine?
-You gotta make mine now.
-[Dave] No way.
-Put it in the water.
-That's instantaneously gonna explode.
[Chris] What are the raviolos
swimming around in?
I would have put a little cream,
but we don't have any.
So I put mascarpone in there, and
[Bert] Mascarpone's cheese, right?
-[Dave] It's a soft cheese.
-[Chris] An Italian cream cheese, yes.
[Bert and Bill] Mascarpone.
[Bill] What's the greatest grave
you've ever visited?
[Bert] That's a great question.
John Belushi in Martha's Vineyard.
You went to John Belushi's grave?
That's the most excited I've been
to be at a grave.
-What was the question?
-Greatest grave you've ever visited.
-Oh
-I don't know.
[Bert] Mine's Lenin.
-Like the Russian dictator?
-What was it like?
Yeah. Not John. Yeah.
-[Dave laughs] "Not John."
-Yeah.
It's a typical grave,
just says, "Here rests"
No, It's a mausoleum. They have his body.
You know, Stalin tried to get
-Stalin wanted his body next to Lenin's
-Yeah.
and when the next guy came in,
he was like, "Get Stalin out of there."
They pulled him out and brought up
all the bad stuff he'd done.
And so it's Lenin's.
In Moscow, at the Kremlin.
I don't know if you've heard,
I robbed a train when I was in Russia.
[Bert laughs, snorts]
[Dave] Can you give a brief synopsis
of the Russian story?
In two sentences, is it possible?
It should be overwhelming
their algorithm now.
There's a movie on Netflix about it
called The Machine.
But I got involved
with the Russian Mafia when I was 22
and I robbed a train.
-And on our trip to
-This is year four of college?
I was 22, it was my second junior year.
[all laughing]
So I think this is the best way
to present Parmesan.
Out of all the Parmesans,
not the dust, the You know, the
But this, on a zester,
is the best way to present Parmesan.
So this isn't my ravioli?
-[Dave] That's not.
-Mine's still there.
-I'm definitely not making
-There's an egg yolk inside.
-Yeah.
-I'm so turned on by egg yolks.
[Chris] There it goes.
It's getting a little
[exclaims] Shut up, dude.
Dude, who does egg yolks better,
Asians or Italians?
Asians.
-Without a doubt.
-Yeah.
[Bert] It's almost like
they invented soft boiled eggs.
[Dave] Egg yolks is an Asian thing.
I think we own that territory.
Egg yolks in soups, egg yolks on rice.
This is Look at that.
I remember the first time
I tried udon noodles.
In Japan.
[Dave] I'm not supposed to eat,
but I will.
-[Bert] Please.
-This is delicious.
-[Bert] I was so turned on by the yolk.
-Good. Very good.
When I became friends with Chang,
he couldn't believe that
I wasn't going to Koreatown for food.
-I just
-You got food on your shirt. Yeah.
My shirt's gone
You knew this was gonna happen.
We're gonna have to put the mic
on your chest, your bare chest.
[Bill] Chang was saying,
the best food scene in America right now
is ten minutes from your house.
We started going
It's better than it was ten years ago now.
I'm so proud of Bill Simmons because
[Bill] Thanks, Chang.
he starts to go
to pretty local Korean restaurants
without any Korean people.
And we all talk about it.
All the Korean people talk
about how this white guy from
Just me and my son. Couple times.
You've really expanded your Korean food.
[Bill] The stew
What's the best stew place?
There's so many.
What's the one we went to on 6th Street?
[Dave] Sun Nong Dan, I think.
[Bill] I mean, that's the famous one.
You know, speaking of Koreans
I was so shocked to know the story
that you and Roy Choi and Tom
-all sort of, like, were in it
-Yeah.
when you guys were all starting out.
Roy Choi.
[Bert] Roy Choi lived next door to me,
and Tom, who's my best friend
We were all poor.
Roy worked at Rock Sugar.
And one Thanksgiving, Roy said to me,
"I'm thinking about quitting my job
and starting a Korean fusion taco truck.
What do you think?"
And I said, "Roy, that is the dumbest idea
I've ever heard in my life."
And he revolutionized taco
He revolutionized a lot of the culinary
Everything as we know it today.
[Dave] I don't think Roy gets
-Roy's one of the very best out there
-[Bert] Yeah.
but he figured out
how to use social media
and restaurants.
He was the first person
-to tie together
-[Bert] He'd post on Twitter
and say to me, yeah, I'm Papa Kogi
or whatever on Twitter.
And he'd say, "Yo, we'll be here."
And you'd show up,
and there would be 300 people there.
It was absolutely insane.
But, yeah, Roy's a gangster, man.
[Chris] Speaking of social media, Dave,
the Internet was wondering
what's going on with our secreto here.
What's that?
-[Chris] We happy with our secreto?
-I haven't cut into it yet.
Are you trying to make me feel bad?
[Chris] No, I'm just trying to service
the Internet here.
So, can you explain what that is?
[Bert] It's a secret pork
[Dave] It's literally called the secreto.
[Bill] Okay.
Can I buy this in a grocery store
or somewhere special?
-[Bert] No.
-[Bill] Okay.
[Dave] You're just not special enough.
But where is the super special
Honestly, I even don't know
how the hell we got it.
You gotta go online.
-[Bill] Really?
-I was so surprised
Like a Russian bride. You get 'em online.
Chris Ying, where did we get this from?
You gotta go to the farmer's market
in Santa Monica.
Peads & Barnetts.
And then you got to ask for the secreto.
It's literally secret menu stuff.
Oh, shit.
By the way, the thing
-[Bill] That looks delicious.
-[Chris] That looks pretty good.
That looks pretty good.
[Bert] I love that he fingered it
to see if it was done enough.
So hot.
[Dave] It's
It's nice.
[Bill] Chang, did you see Saltburn?
[Dave] What is that?
Everyone keeps on talking about it.
I don't know what the hell it is.
-Some dude shook his dick at the end.
-What?
I was gonna ask
if you thought he'd fluffed himself.
-I didn't see it.
-Wait, what?
-Forget it.
-I'm a hog-watcher too.
Like, I'll look at a dick in a
If we go into a locker room,
and a big dick shows up
-You'll sneak a peek?
-I'm gonna go, "Bill,
you gotta see this thing."
I can tell you, intimately, about
Who's the guitarist for Jane's Addiction?
-Dave Navarro's dick.
-[Bill] David Navarro.
I saw David Navarro naked a lot.
So, what are we gonna eat the
You can do pork medium-rare.
-Yes.
-I learned that on a talk show
-True.
-in Sacramento.
[yells] What's our time?
[all laughing]
Most of the USDA recommendations
for meat are, like, 20 degrees over.
[Bill] 'Cause they overcompensate, right?
They don't
They don't want to be blamed,
so they would rather have it be
White people do it and they don't
Freaking white people.
Dude, meet my wife's family.
They're the whitest you can get.
Everything's got to be burned
and butterflied.
And you're like, "Come on."
Like, I like my meat
I like my meat
just on the borderline of, "Get me sick."
[all laughing]
-What was the show
-We wrote that for the menu.
What was the show
where you tasted the sauce
I was talking about this backstage.
The chicken was in it, marinating.
It was Ugly Delicious.
We were down at
Um
Oh, my God. Where were we in Atlanta?
-[Bert] It was the fried chicken episode!
-Yeah.
-[Bill] You're calling things out
-[Dave] Ayesha's?
[all laughing]
She made the sickest fried chicken.
I actually wasn't gonna serve this
to you guys, but
This is the collar. Another cut of pork
that I think is awesome.
-[Bert] Sorry, Asha Gomez.
-[Dave] Asha.
[Bert] Ooh
[Dave whimpers] So hot.
So, I made this yesterday.
It was so delicious, I was like,
"I'll serve it to you guys too."
Collars Also from the shoulder, closer
Both of these are near,
adjacent to the shoulder.
Can I tell you what I'd buy from you
as a consumer?
Your knife recommendation
and your meat recommendation.
If you could pair up with a butcher
in the country
where you go in, check on those animals,
then you send me the knife
to cut them up with,
that's what I want as a consumer.
The sauces and salts?
That's the key to the Chang empire.
-No.
-The sauces and salts
You're not into my sauces and salts?
I am. Asians do sauces better
than anybody.
Really, honestly. What is it
What's the hidden flavor?
[speaking gibberish]
Gochujang? What?
What did he say?
-Umagi!
-[Chris] Umami.
Umami.
-What'd you say?
-I don't know!
I forgot this was live.
I thought we could edit it.
He whispered, like
He said it was the hidden flavor, Miyagi.
[Bert] Yeah.
What are we doing?
-I don't know.
-Get in this.
I'm gonna
-[Bert] Yes. Drizzle.
-[Bill] Is this one of the sauces?
-[Dave] No. I wish it was.
-[Bill] That's balsamic.
[Dave] I wish my family
created balsamic vinegar.
I'm so jealous of the Modena region.
[Bert] Why do you say that?
[Dave] Everyone drives
a Ferrari or Lamborghini,
and the balsamic grape is arguably
one of the worst grapes of all time.
And they turned
It's an amazing business,
because when you don't sell wine,
you turn it into vinegar,
and every year
you don't sell this vinegar,
-it gets
-[Bill] My God.
-[Chris] More expensive
-More expensive.
What are you tasting?
I don't know what it is.
-I'm tasting
-It's the fennel.
Can't sleep on fennel.
-[Chris] The boys need vegetables.
-It's like a sweet,
awesome, good-texture pork.
[Bert] Fennel's got
a hint of licorice, almost.
It is. Anise-flavored.
Wow.
I didn't even taste this. God damn it.
I have no idea if I put enough salt.
-[Bert] You're going to broccoli.
-You did.
[Bert] That's like being at a strip club
and getting to know her.
I'm gonna eat the steak.
[all laughing]
"Hey, what's your name?
I think I can change her."
-"I think I can change her."
-You gotta try this.
This is crazy
Did you know about Chang's
gambling problem?
Gambling is on my algorithm right now.
It's on Chang's algorithm every day.
I wanted him to do a spin-off show
where he plays craps while he cooks.
Because when you see Chang play craps,
it all makes sense.
[Bert] Are you a big gambler?
Well, I don't do sports betting.
[Bill] He's a conditionally big gambler.
You know, when my dad When I turned 18,
my brothers were always telling me,
"Hey, when you turn 18,
Dad becomes sort of cool."
And what I didn't understand
is when I turned 18, I don't know how,
because I was underage,
he took me to go to a casino
in Atlantic City
and taught me how to gamble.
So, that was the first father
Father-son true bonding experience we had,
was over gambling.
-You grew up in Virginia, right?
-Yeah.
And ever since, I think
it's one of the things that
I may not have the stereotypical things
that a lot of Asians are.
Good at math, good in school,
but I am I do like to gamble.
I do like to gamble.
[Bill] You go to a bachelor party
and there's one guy who's like,
"Oh, my God,
-did you hear about Bob last night?"
-Yeah.
That's Chang gambling,
where it's like, "Oh, my God,
we played craps with Chang."
"Have you ever played craps with Chang?"
It's one of those.
What's the most you've ever lost?
And be real.
[Dave] Uh
[Bert] Like, six figures?
[Dave] No. No, no.
[Bert] Because, like, I'm watching
-I'm watching Internet videos.
-I never lose.
I get free money
every time I go to the casino.
-They hand it out.
-[Bill] "I never lose."
-The Chang method.
-The name of his new gambling book.
I Never Lose, I'm David Chang.
Whatever the second piece of meat was
The secreto is good.
It's got great flavor.
-But this
-[Dave] The collar.
This is through the roof.
I like this one more.
-So
-[Chris] Talk through your methodology
[Dave] I wasn't supposed to
-I wasn't supposed to cook that
-It's so good.
So, I'll explain.
[objects clattering]
This is Temp wise, this is hot.
So I know people will be like [screams]
[Bert] Yeah.
What I should tell them is
they're overcooking their pork,
or they're eating pork that I would not
There's certain kinds of pork,
I want it well done.
This is from a great farm,
and it's delicious.
This is also from the same farm.
-Correct, Chris?
-[Chris] Yes.
And all I did
was coat it in the savory salt,
and I cooked it at 350 for
It's good on that too.
For about three hours.
[Bert] God.
And then I roasted it high
at about 425 for about 15 minutes.
-And that was it. It's pretty simple.
-What do you, like
Well, there's garlic and thyme
underneath it as well.
Yeah. What do you like more,
taking your day with a meal,
really working on something
and going and checking on it?
Or putting something good together
quick in front of a bunch of friends?
It's taken me time
to appreciate cooking for friends.
-For real?
-Yeah. I mean
This thing is sort of how,
if you came over to my house
-That was the genesis of the show.
-[Bill] Yeah.
The setup is I cook,
and this is how it is.
And I never really cooked like this
until I got married and I had kids,
because this just never happened,
I never cooked at home, so
Inevitably, when you're with friends
and they all want you to cook,
I hated that experience.
But now, I guess 'cause I'm older,
I like it. I want to
We never like when you cook, though.
No, I mean, we don't want you to be
No, I don't mean it that way. No, I mean
We want you to hang out.
We don't want you to feel like
you've got to cook.
It's like the Seinfeld episode where she
wants to get a massage from the masseuse.
She doesn't want to.
It's very similar to a lot of
I hate stereotyping Asian families,
but it's the only way
It's the only way I know
how to communicate
in a clear way, even though
it may not be clear to you guys
or an audience.
I'm not trying
to make the most perfect food.
I want to make something delicious,
and I think the intention is, like,
how I want to express my love for you.
When do you think Asian chefs
showed up on the scene?
[hesitantly] The first one
You tell me. First one's
got to be Steve Aoki's dad.
Steve Aoki's dad changed everything.
-He did Benihana's.
-[Bert] Yeah.
I would say that Nobu Matsuhisa
is on the Mount Rushmore.
[Bert] Nobu?
Nobu is god tier.
[Bert] I've never been.
-You've never been to Matsuhisa or Nobu?
-No.
-Dude, really?
-I live on the road.
-So I'm not like
-They're in every city.
-Yeah.
-Are they in Omaha?
Are they in Grand Rapids, March 7th?
Are they in Grand Rapids?
Are they in Knoxville, March 18th?
-These are my questions.
-No.
[Chris] It seems like wherever Bert is,
Nobu is not.
-I was just wondering
-No, let me take that back.
Are they at the Chicago United Center,
-March 10th?
-[all laughing]
I'm sure there is a Nobu in Chicago.
[Bert] I bet there is one in Chicago.
Bill, you don't like when Dave has
to cook and doesn't get to hang out.
Wanna give him a cooking break,
maybe you do some of the cooking yourself?
[Dave] Bill had one job.
He's been talking about how
he makes the best meat sauce in the world,
and I tasted it, and it's good.
[Bert exclaims] Oh!
I love a good surprise!
He was supposed to bring a meat sauce.
My mom, she made meatballs and sauce.
You talk about this.
Tell us what we're looking at here.
So, these are my Aunt Minnie's meatballs.
Aunt Minnie has been dead for a while.
My whole family, that side,
big meatballs, braciole, sausages,
that was a thing we really cared about.
My mom triple-cut this.
But these are the famous meatballs that,
when I unwrap it in about two hours
-[Dave] I've never heard of them.
-That's why I did it. Look at this.
Oh, I guess we could use this
-[Dave] Those do look good.
-[Bert] Those look fricking awesome.
[Dave] God damn it.
[Chris] Do you want to reserve
some of that sauce for your secret, Dave?
You don't worry about this.
So, I'm gonna go in
and taste one right now.
-[all exclaiming]
-Hey!
-That's how you know we're live.
-It's live.
[Bert] That's a broken glass somewhere.
[Bill] I feel that was intentional.
No, it's okay if there's glass
in these meatballs.
No, we're good.
Wow. I did it.
-Was that the first spill?
-[Chris] Mazel tov.
Mandy, I did it.
[Chris] He got so excited about
the meatballs.
[Chris] Bill is being cool about the fact
that his pants are completely covered
I'm covered under a counter.
[Chris] He is being very cool about this.
Just so everyone on TV knows,
he's being very cool.
-If you chew on glass, that's on me.
-There's no glass.
-Where is the glass?
-I've swallowed glass before.
-It doesn't do anything.
-[all laughing]
Well, I have.
I was at a restaurant in Miami
and there was glass in my thing.
I was chewing and I go, "There's glass."
The waiter goes, "Well, that sucks."
[all laughing]
I said, "What's gonna happen next?"
Thinking he'd cover my meal,
and he goes,
"I think you're gonna shit blood."
[all laughing]
In a restaurant, if this happened,
we'd comp your food.
-I'm comping your food, Bill.
-Yeah.
-[Dave] It's on the house.
-No.
[Dave] We'd pay for your dry cleaning.
I feel terrible.
Chang, I have plenty of jeans.
We'll comp you.
A real Italian woman made these?
Yeah, my mom.
These are fucking Golly darn awesome.
-So the key is
-They're very good.
she puts a shitload of bread in them,
and then the sauce
gets soaked into the bread.
-You hang them in there for a while.
-[Dave] Well
[Chris] Bill, estimate how many meatballs
you've eaten in your life,
this recipe of meatball.
I would say 1,500.
-[Chris] Fifteen hundred?
-Yeah.
-Easy.
-That's 50-plus years of my life.
Malcolm Gladwell would say
that's 10,000 work hours.
That's 30 meatballs a year?
-No, that's 30 meatballs a month
-[Bill] Times 50? Yeah.
-Fifteen hundred.
-Probably 30 meatballs a month.
Would you say that, growing up?
No, a year.
-That's a lot of meatballs.
-Thirty meatballs a month?
That's a meatball a day!
[hysterically] He's just going
to the fridge, and he's gonna be
[Chris] If little Bill
gets ready for school
"Hi, my name's Bill Simmons,
and I want these YouTube followers."
"I happen to eat a meatball every day."
I just told you guys,
I'm not good at math.
"This is Day 1,497
of eating a meatball every single day."
[Bert laughs]
No one eats a meatball a day!
[Dave] There's somebody
that eats a meatball a day,
and you're making them feel bad.
[squealing] They're dead.
They can't eat a meatball
What kinda weirdo eats a meatball a day?
He's just sitting there
[all laughing]
"I need my meatball!"
[Chris] Before we move into your secret,
did you give a full assessment?
Did you give flowers to this meatball?
Is it the best meatball?
Listen
[all laughing]
I actually do eat a meatball
every day, all right?
There are plenty of us
that eat a meatball every day.
Sometimes, I eat
a lion's head meatball, okay?
-Swedish meatball.
-[Chris] Meatball's a meatball.
-I'm a meatball lover.
-Albondigas.
-[Bill] It's bread in the middle.
-There's a lot of bread.
It's delicious. I'm going to say this,
Bill Simmons' mom, she's lovely,
and she is a terrific cook.
-[Bert] Wait, how old are you?
-[Bill] Old.
You're not my age, right?
What are you, 53?
-I'm 54.
-[sarcastically] Ooh.
-How old are you?
-Fifty-one.
I just found out I was 51.
-I thought I was 52 for a year.
-What?
And then I just did the math.
I was like, I'm 51.
[Dave] Huh.
I don't understand.
You're making fun of me and meatballs?
[all laughing]
Take the year we're in now
and subtract the year you were born.
It's makes sense
when you talk about stand-up.
Everything's like, "It happened
yesterday," "two days ago,"
"Next week, I'm" Everything's that.
And so I just casually started
saying I was 52 on stage,
and so I thought I was 52.
One day, I was talking to my sister.
I say I'm 52, and she goes, "You're 51."
And I went, "No, I'm 52."
She did the math. I go, "Shit, I'm 51."
So I gained a year.
It's like when daylight savings
goes backwards
Did you guys know in Korea
I don't know if all of Asia,
but you start at zero,
so everyone in Korea was a year older.
But I think they just
moved that backwards.
-[Bert] Shut up.
-Yeah.
Ever heard of Turkmenbashi?
When you turn one,
you're actually turning two.
Fuck! Now I spilled Or golly darn it!
"Golly darn it"?
-Dagnabbit!
-[Chris] Dagnabbit.
Hey, my mom brought something.
Can you bring out my vodka?
I would love to do shots.
My mom makes this vodka, Por Osos,
which is going to be released
in Texas in March.
Bert, your surprise will be
the grand finale surprise.
But I think
Your vodka surprise.
[Bert] We're doing more surprises?
I think Mr. Chang has something
he especially wants to share.
This, I was trying to explain earlier,
is something that took me
a lot of time to make,
and I made one test
and it took eight, nine hours.
[Chris] Eight straight consecutive hours.
All from scratch.
I never made one
I made one a while back,
but it didn't taste good.
This one tasted great.
[Bert] Pull out a baby.
[Bill] What is it?
[Dave] Just wait.
And it dawned on me making Italian,
Italian-American food,
and all my chef buddies always
give me a hard time.
I thought this would be
my love letter to them
and to a cuisine that I'm just jealous of.
And I was trying to think
of something celebratory,
'cause this is our sixth episode.
We've made it, guys.
[Bert snickers]
[Chris whoops]
-Could
-[all applauding]
I don't know if anyone's
gonna watch it again,
but I wanna do something celebratory.
And I wanted to make my life
more difficult than it needed to be.
So, I made a timpano.
Remember from Big Night, they have this
You ever see the movie Big Night?
-No?
-What is it?
It's a classic Stanley Tucci
and Tony Shaloub movie.
-[Bill] One of the best food movies.
-A drum of pasta
filled with more pasta
and meatballs and everything.
But I didn't wanna do timpano
because I don't love all the ingredients,
and I wanted to put
all the Italian-American Parm in there.
So I filled it all with Parm.
So I'm calling it the Timparmo.
And we have
Instead of making everything
from scratch, we got
Can you list all the chefs?
[Chris] Yeah, we can go Let's
We'll show the video of how it's made.
But why don't we get to the unveiling
of the Timparmo
-[Bert yells] Shut up!
-My God.
That's a mic drop moment.
Shut up!
You just Epic Meal Timed this.
That is a freaking neck.
Shut up! You're flipping it upside down?
Get the
[Chris laughing]
[Bert] This is Presentation 101.
[Bill] How heavy was that?
[Chris] We've no idea
if this is gonna come out.
I have no idea if it's coming out.
In fact, I made two today.
-[Chris] Yeah.
-I fucked up one already.
I said
[Chris] Dang it.
[Dave] Correcting "fuck"
with another "fuck"
[Bert] Look at this.
-[Bill] Oh, my God.
-[Bert yells] Shut the fuck up!
That is hot.
That is so frickin' sexy.
Oh, my God.
So it's like kind of a lasagna
crossed with what?
-It's a Timparmo.
-Yeah.
It's got eggplant Parm
from Jon and Vinny's.
[Chris] We have the video
of everything that's inside.
If we can pull that up, you guys can see.
Dave called in favors from everybody.
This is meatballs from Marc Vetri.
That's Carbone spicy rigatoni
in vodka sauce.
Evan Funke made this pasta,
this huge sheet of pasta for us.
There's that rigatoni going in there.
It's pasta separated by pasta.
That is eggplant Parm
from Jon and Vinny's.
That's Nancy Silverton's mozzarella.
Those are chicken cutlets
from our friends at Pizzeria Bianco.
[Bert] Dude, this
The Italian-American Avengers.
[Chris] Meatballs
It's the Italian-American Avengers.
Some sausage from Peads & Barnetts.
[Bert gasps] Look at that.
[Chris] And that's Dan Tana's
veal Parm at the bottom.
Oh, my God.
-[Dave] You guys
-[Chris] A little prosciutt.
surprised?
[Bert sputters]
[Bill] I honestly don't know what to say.
[Bert] One of the sexiest things
I've seen.
[Bill] Fun to look at.
Like looking at a painting.
I see, like, chicken Parm.
[Dave] We got all my favorite
We didn't get all the New York chefs.
In fact, we just stayed
west of the Mississippi
for the most part.
And I wish, right?
There's sausage in there?
-There is sausage.
-[Bill] Yeah.
[Bert] When I did my pre-interview call,
I said, I love every type of Parm.
-I didn't think they'd
-I said the same thing.
-I said
-[Chris] We heard you.
And this is Like, you
Oh, fuck.
[Bill] How hard was this to make
on a scale of one to ten?
[Dave] It's really time consuming.
[laughs] That's all I can say.
[Bert] Do you have a video
of this being made?
[Chris] So, he's made
This is, to be honest,
this is the fourth, fifth one he's made.
They've all come out well.
In fact, if one of you guys
wanna open up the other one.
[Bert] Bill, flip it over.
[Bill] No way I'm doing that.
[Chris] That's a Bert task
if I've ever seen one.
What I wanted to hear.
[Chris clapping] Gonna flip a Timparmo!
A little of
-Bill's mom sauce on there.
-Buddy,
this is what separates you from us.
This is so freaking amazing.
This is one of the coolest things
I've ever seen.
One of the coolest things
I mean, I just think it's hilarious
that I'm doing something
that I don't think
has ever been made on live TV.
I think this is going
for a two-point conversion
-in the Super Bowl in overtime.
-[all laughing]
Right?
It could have been a disaster.
This could have been a really bad
[Bill] I think it needs a better name.
[Dave] Timparmo? Come on.
-No
-I trademarked that.
-Timparmo?
-[Dave] You stick to sports.
No, but it's
What you did with
the Dream Team element of all the chefs.
-The Italian-American Avengers.
-[Bill] Italian-American Avengers.
The IAA.
[Bert] It's the turducken of Italian food.
-[Bill] I don't know
-[Bert] You never had turducken?
-I have, but
-But it's like
Something with the Avengers.
-[Dave] All right.
-Here we go.
[Chris] In Italian,
Avengers is vendicatrici.
-[Dave laughs]
-Vendicatrici.
So, in terms of the technique,
you gotta hold it from here.
-Buddy, I watched you
-Then you do like a power squat.
-Like a Russian squat.
-[Bill] My God.
Oh, my God.
Okay.
[Chris] Oh, my God.
-[all laughing]
-Ladies and gentlemen,
before I get burned
like the dude from Game of Thrones,
check out Razzle Dazzle,
streaming right now on Netflix.
[exclaims]
-Come on, baby! Come on!
-[applauds]
-All day, everyday. This is what I do.
-[all cheering]
[groans softly]
And then we go like this.
So how heavy was it?
-Pretty heavy.
-Pretty heavy.
[Bill] 15 pounds?
[Bert] Don't look at me in the eyes.
[all cheering]
That is the coolest thing I've ever seen.
I've seen a lot of culinary things.
Coolest thing I've ever seen.
[Dave] Cut into this.
Come on, baby.
You have all the experience
from your TV show. You know what to do.
[Bill] I can't even describe
what this tastes like.
[Dave] Good, right?
[Bill] It's like every Italian dish I like
into one combined dish.
[Bert] It's what you did with this
-[Dave] Made by a Korean-American.
-[all laughing]
[Bert] This is appropriation
at its finest.
It's the Shoot.
You gotta really get in there.
My heart's racing.
[Dave] I know. I'm so excited for you.
[Chris exclaims]
-My goodness!
-[Bert] Look at that.
[Chris] The steam.
-There's an egg in there.
-That is so hot.
[all laughing]
Wow. I'm sitting down.
I'm eating. I'm drinking.
This one came out better than that one.
What do you think?
-I'll be the judge of that.
-I think
Tastes unbelievable.
This is a shout-out
to all the chefs that sent over food,
and I just, you know
I think it's a cool dish.
I'm glad that
you guys could experience this
and thank you to everybody
that's been watching and
I think it's delicious.
I just keep on staring at it,
being like, "That's so cool."
Look at it from that side.
We do have another order of business,
before you get into your dessert here,
we do have
one more little order of business.
One of our friends here
may have launched a new product.
For bears and by bears.
Oh, my God.
But it doesn't just look good.
It tastes good, right?
It's Buddy.
No, what's cool is that every bite
is completely different.
I made it with Bianco tomatoes.
We made a sauce that I was hoping
that you would actually make
but you made it with the meatballs.
The meatball sauce actually came through.
I apologize for giving you a hard time.
[Bert] Is this a pizza crust?
It's actually pasta from Evan Funke.
'Cause you go on the end
and it's like lasagna.
[Dave] He makes pasta
way better than I do.
This is from
We got the eggplant Parm
from Jon and Vinny.
We've got Bianco throughout this thing.
We got Carbone's spicy rigatoni
-and Dan Tana's veal Parm.
-[Bert] This is phenomenal.
I'm going to Dan Tana's
tomorrow for dinner.
[Bill] Dan Tana's veal Parm.
[Bert] Shouldn't have said that.
[Bill] Still an OG
[all laughing]
Live TV, folks.
[Chris] They knew where you are now
and know where you are tomorrow.
[squealing] I can't.
That's such a nightmare.
[Dave] When we get to dessert,
this is what I really, truly think,
I wasn't going to make dessert
that's Italian based.
This is from Roy Shvartzapel.
And he makes
This is the only thing he makes,
and he's sort of like
It's almost like
the culinary martial arts.
Learned it from all the great masters.
This is one of the most
delicious things you can get
and it's a panettone.
[Bert] Do you put butter on it
or anything?
-[Dave] You don't have to.
-[Bert hesitantly] No. I feel
And let's do the shot too.
Let's do a shot. I wanna
I haven't had carbs in seven months.
That's why I wanted
to make sure you have this.
[Chris] You're gonna go into shock.
You know when the Donner kids,
they had to feed them slowly
'cause their stomachs would explode?
I just learned that on a podcast.
-The Donner kids?
-The Donner kids.
The kids that ate humans.
They had to feed them slowly.
You just go finger
right to the center, right?
Is that a Netflix show?
Well, congrats on the vodka, Por Osos.
Congrats on six episodes
of Let's Kill David Chang.
Should've been the title.
You're phenomenal at this show.
It is such a joy to watch.
It is an honor to sit here.
You bring cool people together,
honored to be part of it.
-Thank you very much.
-Cheers. Thank you, guys.
-Very nice.
-Por Osos vodka available
in Texas, California and Florida.
-How was that?
-What?
I know.
You could almost put anything in my mouth.
[all laughing]
[outro music playing]