Dinosaur (2024) s01e06 Episode Script
Episode 6
1
- Neens
- Nina.
- I'd hate for there to be
a chasm between us.
- Will you be my maid of honor?
- Yeah!
- Nina's got a boyfriend.
- Do you want to be
my plus-one?
- Yeah.
NINA: There's this lady called
Dr. Catherine Dunne,
and she's looking
for people to go
to the Isle of Wight
and work with her,
and I applied.
[Upbeat music]
- We are meeting
a few more people,
but we'll be in touch.
- Thank you.
- [Inhaling sharply]
RANESH:
[chuckles] Here We Gyros
is a great indulgence of mine.
NINA: You know what they say.
What happeneth in Rothesay
stayeth in Rothesay.
- It's just family dinner.
No Ranesh.
Should be chill.
Burying stuff's my speciality.
Let's avoid
all things Rothesay.
We get through this together,
and then tomorrow,
we Bill Murray it.
- Nina.
- You asked me
to give you the details
of the wedding,
and I did,
and you didn't reply.
- No, no, Nina, Nina, wait
- No, please don't touch me.
Please.
I think you need to tell him.
EVIE:
Now I get my one big moment
where it's all about me
for the first time in my life,
and you won't let me have it.
- I'm sorry I'm such a burden.
So then she invites
this slip of a man
into my life
without any warning,
andand she makes me mask
in front of his
tiny spectacled dad.
Andand then
sheshe ruined my date
and made me go
to her dress fitting,
where a parrot watched me
getting changed.
And she knows
how much I hate birds.
And thenand then she cheated
on her fiancé in Rothesay
with some man who doesn't
believe in the moon.
Andand after she's done
all of that,
sheshe says to me that I'm
That
That I'mthat I'm a burden.
Die! Die!
[Video game gun firing]
- They're zombies.
They're dead already.
- You know, I never
I never had to add anything
or take anything away for Evie.
She justshe just
liked me for who I was,
and then this man arrived,
and she got engaged,
and she started changing
and making me
do things
that I didn't want to do.
And tomorrow at her wedding,
I'm gonna have to do
more stuff I don't like,
like smile at strangers
andand wave and lie.
And I don't even have
a plus one.
VIDEO GAME VOICE:
Round two.
- I'm not going.
- Do you know the 2008 rom-com
Made of Honor
with Patrick Dempsey?
He does the right thing
because he's "made of honor,"
you see.
M-A-D-E of honor.
You see, itit
- It's a funny joke.
- [Chuckles]
[video game voice
speaking indistinctly]
Evie getting married
is a good thing.
Means you'll be able
to concentrate
on becoming a Dunne footnote.
- Haven't heard back
about that.
- Oh, well, my reference
interview with them went well.
So yeah, hold your nerve.
VIDEO GAME VOICE:
Level complete.
- If the asteroid hadn't
hit the Earth,
would the dinosaurs
still be alive?
VIDEO GAME VOICE:
Go.
NINA:
No.
- And if this chap
hadn't come along,
it would have been
someone else.
The time of you and Evie
living closely must end,
like all geological
time periods.
If it never did,
you'd never know
where you could have gone.
You have to go to the wedding.
- [Sighs]
Fine.
I'm
- I'm gonna fix my face,
and I'm gonna go
to the wedding.
But I draw the line
at doing Loch Lomond.
I'm not linking arms
with strangers.
- Mm.
[Video game gun firing]
VIDEO GAME VOICE:
Mission accomplished.
NINA:
Made of Honor?
- Gemma enjoys
noughties rom-coms.
And I must admit,
I did somewhat enjoy it.
- Patrick Dempsey, eh?
- Well, it's those baby blues.
[Chuckles]
NINA:
Declan, you hound.
[Video game voice
speaking indistinctly]
- [slurping]
[upbeat rock music]
[Doorbell ringing]
- Come on!
How you doing now, Shagrid?
- I'm fine, thank you.
BO: You sure?
- Mm-hmm.
- 'Cause your sister's marrying
a fat-free yogurt
in a Ted Baker suit.
- I'm gonna fix my face and be
a silent and compliant MOH
until I am allowed to go home.
- Beautiful.
Well, I'm excited.
There's an open bar.
- Please don't flirt
with Amber tonight.
- She texted me a selfie
outside my primary school.
- That's so creepy.
- [Laughs]
- Maybe she won't turn up.
- Oh, thank God you're here.
Phase two started
25 minutes ago.
The father of the groom's
already here.
Hi, Bo.
I have your corsage.
I took my nail scissors
and cut the flowers
from the botanical gardens.
Gorgeous, aren't they?
- Yeah, I'm pretty sure
you're not meant to do that.
But you know what?
Not my problem.
- Everyone's
in the kitchen, Nina.
There you go, Bo.
- [Whispering] Help me.
- [Whispering] Fuck off.
- There.
[Sniffs]
Mmm.
- Crafty wee chin fuckers!
- Hello, Mum.
- Where's the shoe polish?
- Hello, Dad.
DIANE:
It's in the cupboard of stuff.
NINA:
Hello, Sachin.
- And unto you.
- Mm.
ADE: It's not here.
- Have you looked?
[Phone chiming]
If I come over there
and I see the shoe polish,
I'm going to be
- Here it is.
- Ah!
- [Laughs]
Don't worry, pal.
You're safe this time.
Did I tell you
I'm a songwriter, Sachin?
SACHIN:
Oh, dear Christ.
VOICEMAIL VOICE:
You have one new message.
Press oneto listen
to the message, press two.
To delete the message
New message.
SHANE:
Hi, Shane. It's Nina.
Oops, only joking. [laughs]
Anyway, as it's your day off,
I took the liberty
of checking your emails.
I suspected news about
the dig would come in
[Indistinct chatter]
[upbeat music]
[Knocking]
NINA: Evie?
I know you said that
I wasn't to talk to you,
but
I got offered
a postdoc position.
EVIE:
Wow.
I'm gonna be sick.
- No, it's good news.
- No.
I need to tell Ranesh
what happened on the hen do.
You were right.
- No.
No, no, no, no,
no, no, no, no, no.
- What do you mean,
"No, no, no, no, no, no, no?"
- It is 93 minutes
before your wedding,
and people will be
arriving soon.
- You told me to tell him.
- Not in phase two
of your wedding morning, Evie.
- [Breathing heavily]
I love him.
Like, really love him.
And I can't marry this man
with all this integrity
without being honest with him.
- You know
this will ruin the wedding.
- Oh, it doesn't matter
about the wedding.
It's about the marriage.
I should have listened to you.
- OK, do you want me
to fetch him?
- Yeah.
- Right.
- I can't do it by myself.
- No, I'll
- I'll stay with you.
I'll
- I'll stand beside you,
but you just have to tell me
when my presence becomes
overbearing or weird,
because I don't know.
- OK.
NINA: OK.
EVIE: OK.
- OK. OK, OK.
So just to check,
92 minutes
before you get married,
you want to tell
your fiancé that
you drunkenly kissed
a man in Rothesay
who doesn't believe in gravity.
- [Whimpering] Mm-hmm.
- OK.
You look beautiful.
- Thank you.
[Music playing in distance]
NINA:
[quietly] Fuck.
I don't know what
you think you heard, but
EVIE:
Did you say something?
- Just practicing my speech!
- Nina, Amber wants me,
like, a lot.
She's right up my arse.
You need to help me.
- No. Have you seen Ranesh?
- Who?
Oh, no.
- [Groans]
[Ade singing indistinctly]
BOTH: Baby,
I just can't get enough ♪
NINA:
Sachin.
Have you seen Ranesh?
- Taste of love, oh, whoa ♪
- Ranesh?
- Ah, don't look at me!
Ah!
AMBER: There you are.
Where is Bo?
Also, we're way behind
on your hair and makeup.
- No.
- I did a hair and beauty
short course.
Why does no one trust me?
- Have you seen Ranesh?
- Yeah, I did see him go
out the front door
two minutes ago.
- I'm just gonna pop outside
for a spot of air
with my good friend Ranesh,
so you hold down the fort.
So you need me to be MOH?
Interim MOH.
- Interim MOH.
Well done.
- Nina, I can do this.
- You can.
- So what's going on?
- None of your business.
Interim MOH.
- Yes!
MOH.
- I said I'd be your plus one
to the wedding, so here I am.
I'm your plus one
to the wedding.
This was a bad idea, wasn't it?
You think the flowers
are cheesy.
They're too much,
I can see that now.
The thing is, I
The otherwhen I
[Stammering]
At the party, what it was
What it is, is
NINA:
I'm gonna stop you right there.
The groom
We've lost him.
- God. He's dead?
- No, no, no!
Um, Ranesh found out
about Evie kissing
your weird friend Euan
in Rothesay, and he's run off.
- Oh, fucking Euan.
I mean, a wedding
without a groom is like a
Well, it's not ideal, is it?
- We need to find him.
- I've got the van
around the corner.
Uh, sorry about
the, um, the mess.
I, uh
- I don't usually
have visitors.
Or anyone.
Really, I'm quite lonely.
So where's he gonna be?
- I don't know.
- Right.
Uh, where does he live?
- [Groans]
- [groans, chuckles]
OK.
- He's just this little
intrusive thought
who's always at my flat.
I've never asked him
anything about himself.
- Where would he go at a time
of emotional crisis?
- Our flat, but I refused
to give him the spare key.
- Has he ever mentioned
anywhere
that's special to him?
- Our flat?
- The flat, yeah.
- Oh, I
I don't know
anything about him.
Wait. Wait.
He and Evie are always telling
this boring story.
It's the same boring story.
It's about their first date.
They went to
Feminist poetry slam
at the bandstand!
- [American accent] And I
thought our first date was bad.
- This is serious.
- [Normal voice] Yeah, sorry.
Bandstand.
- Bandstand.
[Engine starts]
- Amber, what's going on?
Where's Nina?
- I told you,
she has a tapeworm.
Anyway, let me finish running
through my speech with you.
[Dramatic music]
NINA:
Ranesh!
LEE: Ranesh!
NINA: Ranesh!
LEE:
Ranesh!
Ranesh!
NINA: Ranesh!
LEE:
Ranesh!
Ranesh!
♪
- Ranesh!
- My name's Gavin.
- I don't think he's here.
[Phone ringing]
Excuse me.
Hello?
- You still getting air
with Ranesh?
- Here's the scoop, Amber.
Evie kissed Euan
when we were in Rothesay,
and Ranesh has found out
about it, and he's run away.
And I don't know
where to look for him,
because I don't know
anything about him,
because when he talks,
I zone him out.
And Evie can't know
anything about this.
Do you understand?
- OK.
NINA:
OK.
I'll call you
if I get any updates.
- Give me the phone.
- You never told me.
- Give me the phone!
- Why didn't you tell me?
- Shut up, Amber!
- I thought we were
best friends.
- So you're Ranesh.
You've got a concave arse,
and you're panicking.
Where do you go?
- Fuck!
Where do you go
when you're stressed out?
- Somewhere where I can eat
a lot of grease.
- That's not Ranesh.
Hehe's a
He's a "do some
transcendental meditation,
have a 15K" type of guy.
- I don't know.
Everyone's got
some weird, gross side
not everyone knows about.
- Mm. Not Ranesh.
- Even Ranesh.
- He was designed in a lab
to have a low BMI
and a high irritation point.
- I promise you,
the guy's got layers.
- He doesn't.
- People be surprisin'.
[Sighs]
- Do you know the food van
Here We Gyros?
- Of course I do.
BOTH: Let's go.
[Bell ringing]
- Of course he's not here.
Oh, I've ruined everything.
I should have just let it go.
This is all my fault.
- Well, you didn't kiss Euan.
[Chuckles]
Look, um, things were a bit
weird the last time I saw you.
And I just
- I
NINA:
Oh, my God.
Hey, Neshy.
- I'm gonna
- I know that you and I
have had somewhat
of a checkered past
andand you're very upset
that Evie kissed someone.
- It's not about
her kissing someone.
It's that she didn't tell me.
Anyway, what are you
doing here, Nina?
We both know
you've never liked me.
- Was it very obvious?
- Yes.
I've tried everything
to connect to you spiritually.
Pasta from Firenze.
Tea.
I brewed you my finest
Lapsang souchong.
The other day
when I read you my vows,
I opened up my soul like a tap.
- I know, but it's
- But nothing worked.
It was never about me.
Evie's engagement hit your life
like an asteroid,
and you just couldn't bear
to let her go.
- Maybe you're right.
I called you a soy boy wet wipe
and a host of other things.
It was only
because it felt like
everything you were doing
was pretend.
Itit felt like
you were constantly pretending,
and that's really confusing.
Have you ever actually
been to Firenze?
[Gasps]
- But it is on my to-do list.
- That betrayal aside
I was wrong.
I was wrong about you.
This is you,
and it's all right.
It's all right.
You're allowed to eat a kebab.
I mean, it's bad for your
gut biome, but you like it,
and it tastes delicious.
And Evie loves kebabs.
- Uh, no.
No, no, she doesn't.
She finds them
too heavy and greasy.
- That's a lie!
She loves kebabs.
I've watched her throw back
'babs with the best of them.
I can't believe
I'm gonna say this.
You and her are perfect
for each other.
You're meant to be.
Will you please
come talk to Evie?
[Upbeat music]
- I think he's got
quite a nice arse.
- Mm, it's only concave
in pictures.
Hurry up, sauce pervert.
- Hello, Nina, Lee, Ranesh.
Everyone's waiting
in the garden.
The celebrant says
they have a tight turnaround.
NINA:
Amber, they need to talk first.
- OK, why don't you go
and remove the mayonnaise
from the groom's hair?
Mm. OK.
So Evie does know, but
- Amber, I told you
not to tell her.
- Nina, I've been MOH
eight times before.
This is not my first jilting.
I know what I'm doing.
I mean, Evie did
sort of try to run away.
She was very stressed.
But I managed to catch her.
We had
a very productive dialogue
and calmly resolved
the situation.
- Amber, where's Evie?
[Pounding]
- You locked me in the shed,
Amber!
- I know.
Are you, like, angry
that I locked you in a shed?
- No.
I'm fucking furious.
- [Laughing]
I'm gonna go change my tampon.
- She's
Dedicated.
- He literally
ran away from me.
- That is true,
but he came back.
- He did?
- Mm-hmm.
He didn't have to,
but he came back,
and he wants to speak to you.
- Oh, he's never
gonna forgive me.
- Of course he will.
- How do you know that?
- Because
You're easy to forgive, Evie.
- About that stuff
that I said the other day
- It's fine. It was
It was your turn to be blunt
and interesting.
EVIE:
No, I was nasty,
and I really regret it.
I'm really sorry.
- I know.
Right.
You're gonna go in there.
You're gonna be 100% honest
with each other.
No shenanigans.
No nonsense.
Just be Evie.
Preferably in the next
nine minutes.
- OK.
- OK.
You've got this.
- Yeah.
NINA: Yeah.
EVIE: Mm-hmm.
- You're good.
- Aye, you can't see it at all.
RANESH: Great.
LEE:
There and there.
RANESH:
Thank you.
- Hi.
- Hi.
NINA:
Come on, Lee.
- Can you stay?
[Chairs squeaking]
- I could stand here
and say that
I respect every decision
a woman makes.
But I'm not going to do that.
- OK.
- Because I'm hurt
that you kissed someone
and didn't tell me.
You've made a mockery of all
that we've built together
over the last 12 weeks.
- But that kiss, it was just
- No, it's not about the kiss.
It's about being open
and honest with one another
in perpetuity.
That's what
you're supposed to do
when you want
to be with someone.
So we just need
- I'm obsessed
with Real Housewives!
Sometimes I wish
I was a housewife.
- I'm 30,
and I am genuinely
terrified of my dad.
- [Whispering] He is scary.
- I have never seen
a Sofia Coppola film.
- I've never seen
a Sofia Coppola film!
- Shut up.
- [Laughs]
- I've actually shat myself
on multiple Greek islands.
- [Laughs]
I have no idea
what a gut biome is.
- I have no friends.
Apart from a woman
that can't be within 50 feet
of the kid from Love, Actually.
- That's Amber, not me.
- Right.
- I have auditioned
for Britain's Got Talent
four times.
And I'm really scared
that I'm boring.
- I know on the outside
I'm this sweet, sassy,
confident redhead
who's a perfect mix
of Carrie and Charlotte
all at once.
But inside,
there's a part of me that is
really horrible and ugly
and destructive.
And it scares me.
- Me too. [chuckles]
Wow.
- Wow.
- Wow.
- [Laughs] Yeah.
- God, that was better
than an ultramarathon.
- We should just
tell each other
exactly what we're thinking
and feeling
every second of every day.
- That's not practical.
- No more lies, ever.
- Ever.
We'll share everything.
- Hmm.
- Will you marry me?
- Yeah.
Go on, then.
[Clapping]
- You may now kiss the bride.
[Rachel Sermanni's
"Lay My Heart"]
[cheers and applause]
RACHEL: This is where
I lay my heart ♪
Is where I lay my heart ♪
Is where I lay
my heart ♪
[Cheers and applause]
ALL: By yon bonnie banks
and by yon bonnie braes ♪
Where the sun shines bright
on Loch Lomond ♪
Where me and my true love ♪
Will never meet again ♪
- You look happy.
- I did it, Lurch.
- Did what?
- I broke up with Hilda.
- [Gasps] No!
[Both laughing]
- Yeah.
Something about that ceremony
just really touched a nerve.
- Oh, Bawbag.
You know,
there's no going back now.
♪
- [groans]
I've ruined my life. Ah!
- No, you haven't.
No.
Don't phone her.
She's like the world's
most boring witch.
Her only spell is
making you feel sad.
- She's Dr. Dunne it!
- We are so proud of you,
darling.
- How did you find out?
- Evie's been telling everyone.
My daughter, a doctor?
- Mum, I got my post-doctorate,
like, four years ago.
- I know.
I just like saying it.
- [Laughs]
- To the Isle of Wight!
- Isle of, Isle of,
Isle of fucking Wight.
Isle of, Isle of,
Isle of fucking Wight!
ALL:
Isle of, Isle of,
Isle of fucking Wight!
[Laughter]
- You two are like
gonky Normal People.
- Mm, Abnormal People.
Don't phone her.
- Roger that.
- Now I'm gonna go
and Roger that.
- Gets right in there.
- You're not gonna ask me
to dance, are you?
- Absolutely not.
- OK, good.
[Soft music]
So
I'm, uh
- I'm guessing
you got the postdoc, then.
♪
- How'd you know?
- "Isle of, Isle of,
Isle of fucking Wight."
- [laughs]
- It's great news.
You gonna take it?
- I think so.
I mean, I know so, yeah.
- Yeah.
♪
- You were gonna say something
when you, um, turned up
at my door with flowers.
- I did pull away from you.
I don't usually get
to this bit, you know.
[Singer singing indistinctly]
I just feel like you get me.
And not everyone does.
And then you asked me out,
and I was buzzing,
and then you say,
"I'm going
to the Isle of Wight."
And I thought,
all right, well
Well, that's that done, then.
- I confused you.
I've been confusing.
Usually I'm
the straightforward one.
- [Laughs]
- Didn't occur to me that I
I could have both.
LEE:
But we can.
Do you want both things?
- It's like, I can see the dig,
and I want so badly
to be part of a discovery
that's bigger than me
and bigger than my life
will ever be.
But
I also
- I want you.
I really want
to give this a try.
But I'm not good with people.
And I'm not good
at relationships.
- Well, that sounds like
an unproven hypothesis.
♪
- It would be silly to start
something romantic.
- Yeah.
And we don't even know what
this is yet, so it's, um
- Reckless.
- Illogical.
- Illogical.
Sometimes life isn't logical.
- Knutsford.
- [Laughs] What?
- Knutsford.
It's 225 miles from Glasgow,
and it's 225 miles
from the Isle of Wight.
Slap bang in the middle.
And yeah,
I searched that online.
And you wouldn't believe
how long it took me
to figure that out.
Anyway,
if we want to make this work,
then
Why don't we meet there
in a year's time?
- My postdoc is only
six months.
- OK, six months. Knutsford.
- Well, by then, I'll probably
just be back in Glasgow,
so we could just
- Nina.
I'm being romantic.
[Laughs]
- Knutsford.
- Knutsford.
[Singer singing indistinctly]
- I'm gonna go.
- I should probably go too.
Imagine if I just hung about
after you left.
I won't.
- You can if you want.
My family like you.
- Nina.
- Hmm?
- I'll miss you.
NINA:
I'll miss you too.
- Good luck.
[Soft music]
- Night, night, Bawbag.
♪
- Bye, Nina.
- Bye, Nina.
♪
- [laughing]
EVIE:
Nina!
Did you see Bo and Amber?
- [Laughing] Yeah.
Well, he's got a type.
- Out of the frying pan.
- Mm.
I keep thinking,
what if they don't have
wheat puffs
on the Isle of Wight?
- No, I checked.
Nearly every major supermarket
in the UK sells them.
- But you'll pack some.
- Yes.
EVIE: Just to be safe.
- Yeah.
Were you trying to sneak off
without saying bye?
You know you'll be away
by the time
I get back from my honeymoon.
- Yeah.
I wanted to, but you looked
like you were having fun.
Plus, I've got a job to accept,
and I'm exhausted.
- I should get back
to my husband.
[Laughs]
OK.
- OK.
EVIE:
Bye, Nina.
- [Sniffles]
[Young Fathers'
"Tell Somebody"]
SINGER:
You reach, but your feet ♪
Never left the ground ♪
♪
Tell somebody ♪
Please, please ♪
Please ♪
Tell somebody ♪
Please, please ♪
Please ♪
Please, please ♪
Please ♪
Please, tell somebody ♪
Everybody's anybody,
many bodies know ♪
Tell somebody ♪
Many bodies feel the drop
and everybody go ♪
Everybody's anybody ♪
Many bodies know ♪
Many bodies feel the drop ♪
And everybody go ♪
- Neens
- Nina.
- I'd hate for there to be
a chasm between us.
- Will you be my maid of honor?
- Yeah!
- Nina's got a boyfriend.
- Do you want to be
my plus-one?
- Yeah.
NINA: There's this lady called
Dr. Catherine Dunne,
and she's looking
for people to go
to the Isle of Wight
and work with her,
and I applied.
[Upbeat music]
- We are meeting
a few more people,
but we'll be in touch.
- Thank you.
- [Inhaling sharply]
RANESH:
[chuckles] Here We Gyros
is a great indulgence of mine.
NINA: You know what they say.
What happeneth in Rothesay
stayeth in Rothesay.
- It's just family dinner.
No Ranesh.
Should be chill.
Burying stuff's my speciality.
Let's avoid
all things Rothesay.
We get through this together,
and then tomorrow,
we Bill Murray it.
- Nina.
- You asked me
to give you the details
of the wedding,
and I did,
and you didn't reply.
- No, no, Nina, Nina, wait
- No, please don't touch me.
Please.
I think you need to tell him.
EVIE:
Now I get my one big moment
where it's all about me
for the first time in my life,
and you won't let me have it.
- I'm sorry I'm such a burden.
So then she invites
this slip of a man
into my life
without any warning,
andand she makes me mask
in front of his
tiny spectacled dad.
Andand then
sheshe ruined my date
and made me go
to her dress fitting,
where a parrot watched me
getting changed.
And she knows
how much I hate birds.
And thenand then she cheated
on her fiancé in Rothesay
with some man who doesn't
believe in the moon.
Andand after she's done
all of that,
sheshe says to me that I'm
That
That I'mthat I'm a burden.
Die! Die!
[Video game gun firing]
- They're zombies.
They're dead already.
- You know, I never
I never had to add anything
or take anything away for Evie.
She justshe just
liked me for who I was,
and then this man arrived,
and she got engaged,
and she started changing
and making me
do things
that I didn't want to do.
And tomorrow at her wedding,
I'm gonna have to do
more stuff I don't like,
like smile at strangers
andand wave and lie.
And I don't even have
a plus one.
VIDEO GAME VOICE:
Round two.
- I'm not going.
- Do you know the 2008 rom-com
Made of Honor
with Patrick Dempsey?
He does the right thing
because he's "made of honor,"
you see.
M-A-D-E of honor.
You see, itit
- It's a funny joke.
- [Chuckles]
[video game voice
speaking indistinctly]
Evie getting married
is a good thing.
Means you'll be able
to concentrate
on becoming a Dunne footnote.
- Haven't heard back
about that.
- Oh, well, my reference
interview with them went well.
So yeah, hold your nerve.
VIDEO GAME VOICE:
Level complete.
- If the asteroid hadn't
hit the Earth,
would the dinosaurs
still be alive?
VIDEO GAME VOICE:
Go.
NINA:
No.
- And if this chap
hadn't come along,
it would have been
someone else.
The time of you and Evie
living closely must end,
like all geological
time periods.
If it never did,
you'd never know
where you could have gone.
You have to go to the wedding.
- [Sighs]
Fine.
I'm
- I'm gonna fix my face,
and I'm gonna go
to the wedding.
But I draw the line
at doing Loch Lomond.
I'm not linking arms
with strangers.
- Mm.
[Video game gun firing]
VIDEO GAME VOICE:
Mission accomplished.
NINA:
Made of Honor?
- Gemma enjoys
noughties rom-coms.
And I must admit,
I did somewhat enjoy it.
- Patrick Dempsey, eh?
- Well, it's those baby blues.
[Chuckles]
NINA:
Declan, you hound.
[Video game voice
speaking indistinctly]
- [slurping]
[upbeat rock music]
[Doorbell ringing]
- Come on!
How you doing now, Shagrid?
- I'm fine, thank you.
BO: You sure?
- Mm-hmm.
- 'Cause your sister's marrying
a fat-free yogurt
in a Ted Baker suit.
- I'm gonna fix my face and be
a silent and compliant MOH
until I am allowed to go home.
- Beautiful.
Well, I'm excited.
There's an open bar.
- Please don't flirt
with Amber tonight.
- She texted me a selfie
outside my primary school.
- That's so creepy.
- [Laughs]
- Maybe she won't turn up.
- Oh, thank God you're here.
Phase two started
25 minutes ago.
The father of the groom's
already here.
Hi, Bo.
I have your corsage.
I took my nail scissors
and cut the flowers
from the botanical gardens.
Gorgeous, aren't they?
- Yeah, I'm pretty sure
you're not meant to do that.
But you know what?
Not my problem.
- Everyone's
in the kitchen, Nina.
There you go, Bo.
- [Whispering] Help me.
- [Whispering] Fuck off.
- There.
[Sniffs]
Mmm.
- Crafty wee chin fuckers!
- Hello, Mum.
- Where's the shoe polish?
- Hello, Dad.
DIANE:
It's in the cupboard of stuff.
NINA:
Hello, Sachin.
- And unto you.
- Mm.
ADE: It's not here.
- Have you looked?
[Phone chiming]
If I come over there
and I see the shoe polish,
I'm going to be
- Here it is.
- Ah!
- [Laughs]
Don't worry, pal.
You're safe this time.
Did I tell you
I'm a songwriter, Sachin?
SACHIN:
Oh, dear Christ.
VOICEMAIL VOICE:
You have one new message.
Press oneto listen
to the message, press two.
To delete the message
New message.
SHANE:
Hi, Shane. It's Nina.
Oops, only joking. [laughs]
Anyway, as it's your day off,
I took the liberty
of checking your emails.
I suspected news about
the dig would come in
[Indistinct chatter]
[upbeat music]
[Knocking]
NINA: Evie?
I know you said that
I wasn't to talk to you,
but
I got offered
a postdoc position.
EVIE:
Wow.
I'm gonna be sick.
- No, it's good news.
- No.
I need to tell Ranesh
what happened on the hen do.
You were right.
- No.
No, no, no, no,
no, no, no, no, no.
- What do you mean,
"No, no, no, no, no, no, no?"
- It is 93 minutes
before your wedding,
and people will be
arriving soon.
- You told me to tell him.
- Not in phase two
of your wedding morning, Evie.
- [Breathing heavily]
I love him.
Like, really love him.
And I can't marry this man
with all this integrity
without being honest with him.
- You know
this will ruin the wedding.
- Oh, it doesn't matter
about the wedding.
It's about the marriage.
I should have listened to you.
- OK, do you want me
to fetch him?
- Yeah.
- Right.
- I can't do it by myself.
- No, I'll
- I'll stay with you.
I'll
- I'll stand beside you,
but you just have to tell me
when my presence becomes
overbearing or weird,
because I don't know.
- OK.
NINA: OK.
EVIE: OK.
- OK. OK, OK.
So just to check,
92 minutes
before you get married,
you want to tell
your fiancé that
you drunkenly kissed
a man in Rothesay
who doesn't believe in gravity.
- [Whimpering] Mm-hmm.
- OK.
You look beautiful.
- Thank you.
[Music playing in distance]
NINA:
[quietly] Fuck.
I don't know what
you think you heard, but
EVIE:
Did you say something?
- Just practicing my speech!
- Nina, Amber wants me,
like, a lot.
She's right up my arse.
You need to help me.
- No. Have you seen Ranesh?
- Who?
Oh, no.
- [Groans]
[Ade singing indistinctly]
BOTH: Baby,
I just can't get enough ♪
NINA:
Sachin.
Have you seen Ranesh?
- Taste of love, oh, whoa ♪
- Ranesh?
- Ah, don't look at me!
Ah!
AMBER: There you are.
Where is Bo?
Also, we're way behind
on your hair and makeup.
- No.
- I did a hair and beauty
short course.
Why does no one trust me?
- Have you seen Ranesh?
- Yeah, I did see him go
out the front door
two minutes ago.
- I'm just gonna pop outside
for a spot of air
with my good friend Ranesh,
so you hold down the fort.
So you need me to be MOH?
Interim MOH.
- Interim MOH.
Well done.
- Nina, I can do this.
- You can.
- So what's going on?
- None of your business.
Interim MOH.
- Yes!
MOH.
- I said I'd be your plus one
to the wedding, so here I am.
I'm your plus one
to the wedding.
This was a bad idea, wasn't it?
You think the flowers
are cheesy.
They're too much,
I can see that now.
The thing is, I
The otherwhen I
[Stammering]
At the party, what it was
What it is, is
NINA:
I'm gonna stop you right there.
The groom
We've lost him.
- God. He's dead?
- No, no, no!
Um, Ranesh found out
about Evie kissing
your weird friend Euan
in Rothesay, and he's run off.
- Oh, fucking Euan.
I mean, a wedding
without a groom is like a
Well, it's not ideal, is it?
- We need to find him.
- I've got the van
around the corner.
Uh, sorry about
the, um, the mess.
I, uh
- I don't usually
have visitors.
Or anyone.
Really, I'm quite lonely.
So where's he gonna be?
- I don't know.
- Right.
Uh, where does he live?
- [Groans]
- [groans, chuckles]
OK.
- He's just this little
intrusive thought
who's always at my flat.
I've never asked him
anything about himself.
- Where would he go at a time
of emotional crisis?
- Our flat, but I refused
to give him the spare key.
- Has he ever mentioned
anywhere
that's special to him?
- Our flat?
- The flat, yeah.
- Oh, I
I don't know
anything about him.
Wait. Wait.
He and Evie are always telling
this boring story.
It's the same boring story.
It's about their first date.
They went to
Feminist poetry slam
at the bandstand!
- [American accent] And I
thought our first date was bad.
- This is serious.
- [Normal voice] Yeah, sorry.
Bandstand.
- Bandstand.
[Engine starts]
- Amber, what's going on?
Where's Nina?
- I told you,
she has a tapeworm.
Anyway, let me finish running
through my speech with you.
[Dramatic music]
NINA:
Ranesh!
LEE: Ranesh!
NINA: Ranesh!
LEE:
Ranesh!
Ranesh!
NINA: Ranesh!
LEE:
Ranesh!
Ranesh!
♪
- Ranesh!
- My name's Gavin.
- I don't think he's here.
[Phone ringing]
Excuse me.
Hello?
- You still getting air
with Ranesh?
- Here's the scoop, Amber.
Evie kissed Euan
when we were in Rothesay,
and Ranesh has found out
about it, and he's run away.
And I don't know
where to look for him,
because I don't know
anything about him,
because when he talks,
I zone him out.
And Evie can't know
anything about this.
Do you understand?
- OK.
NINA:
OK.
I'll call you
if I get any updates.
- Give me the phone.
- You never told me.
- Give me the phone!
- Why didn't you tell me?
- Shut up, Amber!
- I thought we were
best friends.
- So you're Ranesh.
You've got a concave arse,
and you're panicking.
Where do you go?
- Fuck!
Where do you go
when you're stressed out?
- Somewhere where I can eat
a lot of grease.
- That's not Ranesh.
Hehe's a
He's a "do some
transcendental meditation,
have a 15K" type of guy.
- I don't know.
Everyone's got
some weird, gross side
not everyone knows about.
- Mm. Not Ranesh.
- Even Ranesh.
- He was designed in a lab
to have a low BMI
and a high irritation point.
- I promise you,
the guy's got layers.
- He doesn't.
- People be surprisin'.
[Sighs]
- Do you know the food van
Here We Gyros?
- Of course I do.
BOTH: Let's go.
[Bell ringing]
- Of course he's not here.
Oh, I've ruined everything.
I should have just let it go.
This is all my fault.
- Well, you didn't kiss Euan.
[Chuckles]
Look, um, things were a bit
weird the last time I saw you.
And I just
- I
NINA:
Oh, my God.
Hey, Neshy.
- I'm gonna
- I know that you and I
have had somewhat
of a checkered past
andand you're very upset
that Evie kissed someone.
- It's not about
her kissing someone.
It's that she didn't tell me.
Anyway, what are you
doing here, Nina?
We both know
you've never liked me.
- Was it very obvious?
- Yes.
I've tried everything
to connect to you spiritually.
Pasta from Firenze.
Tea.
I brewed you my finest
Lapsang souchong.
The other day
when I read you my vows,
I opened up my soul like a tap.
- I know, but it's
- But nothing worked.
It was never about me.
Evie's engagement hit your life
like an asteroid,
and you just couldn't bear
to let her go.
- Maybe you're right.
I called you a soy boy wet wipe
and a host of other things.
It was only
because it felt like
everything you were doing
was pretend.
Itit felt like
you were constantly pretending,
and that's really confusing.
Have you ever actually
been to Firenze?
[Gasps]
- But it is on my to-do list.
- That betrayal aside
I was wrong.
I was wrong about you.
This is you,
and it's all right.
It's all right.
You're allowed to eat a kebab.
I mean, it's bad for your
gut biome, but you like it,
and it tastes delicious.
And Evie loves kebabs.
- Uh, no.
No, no, she doesn't.
She finds them
too heavy and greasy.
- That's a lie!
She loves kebabs.
I've watched her throw back
'babs with the best of them.
I can't believe
I'm gonna say this.
You and her are perfect
for each other.
You're meant to be.
Will you please
come talk to Evie?
[Upbeat music]
- I think he's got
quite a nice arse.
- Mm, it's only concave
in pictures.
Hurry up, sauce pervert.
- Hello, Nina, Lee, Ranesh.
Everyone's waiting
in the garden.
The celebrant says
they have a tight turnaround.
NINA:
Amber, they need to talk first.
- OK, why don't you go
and remove the mayonnaise
from the groom's hair?
Mm. OK.
So Evie does know, but
- Amber, I told you
not to tell her.
- Nina, I've been MOH
eight times before.
This is not my first jilting.
I know what I'm doing.
I mean, Evie did
sort of try to run away.
She was very stressed.
But I managed to catch her.
We had
a very productive dialogue
and calmly resolved
the situation.
- Amber, where's Evie?
[Pounding]
- You locked me in the shed,
Amber!
- I know.
Are you, like, angry
that I locked you in a shed?
- No.
I'm fucking furious.
- [Laughing]
I'm gonna go change my tampon.
- She's
Dedicated.
- He literally
ran away from me.
- That is true,
but he came back.
- He did?
- Mm-hmm.
He didn't have to,
but he came back,
and he wants to speak to you.
- Oh, he's never
gonna forgive me.
- Of course he will.
- How do you know that?
- Because
You're easy to forgive, Evie.
- About that stuff
that I said the other day
- It's fine. It was
It was your turn to be blunt
and interesting.
EVIE:
No, I was nasty,
and I really regret it.
I'm really sorry.
- I know.
Right.
You're gonna go in there.
You're gonna be 100% honest
with each other.
No shenanigans.
No nonsense.
Just be Evie.
Preferably in the next
nine minutes.
- OK.
- OK.
You've got this.
- Yeah.
NINA: Yeah.
EVIE: Mm-hmm.
- You're good.
- Aye, you can't see it at all.
RANESH: Great.
LEE:
There and there.
RANESH:
Thank you.
- Hi.
- Hi.
NINA:
Come on, Lee.
- Can you stay?
[Chairs squeaking]
- I could stand here
and say that
I respect every decision
a woman makes.
But I'm not going to do that.
- OK.
- Because I'm hurt
that you kissed someone
and didn't tell me.
You've made a mockery of all
that we've built together
over the last 12 weeks.
- But that kiss, it was just
- No, it's not about the kiss.
It's about being open
and honest with one another
in perpetuity.
That's what
you're supposed to do
when you want
to be with someone.
So we just need
- I'm obsessed
with Real Housewives!
Sometimes I wish
I was a housewife.
- I'm 30,
and I am genuinely
terrified of my dad.
- [Whispering] He is scary.
- I have never seen
a Sofia Coppola film.
- I've never seen
a Sofia Coppola film!
- Shut up.
- [Laughs]
- I've actually shat myself
on multiple Greek islands.
- [Laughs]
I have no idea
what a gut biome is.
- I have no friends.
Apart from a woman
that can't be within 50 feet
of the kid from Love, Actually.
- That's Amber, not me.
- Right.
- I have auditioned
for Britain's Got Talent
four times.
And I'm really scared
that I'm boring.
- I know on the outside
I'm this sweet, sassy,
confident redhead
who's a perfect mix
of Carrie and Charlotte
all at once.
But inside,
there's a part of me that is
really horrible and ugly
and destructive.
And it scares me.
- Me too. [chuckles]
Wow.
- Wow.
- Wow.
- [Laughs] Yeah.
- God, that was better
than an ultramarathon.
- We should just
tell each other
exactly what we're thinking
and feeling
every second of every day.
- That's not practical.
- No more lies, ever.
- Ever.
We'll share everything.
- Hmm.
- Will you marry me?
- Yeah.
Go on, then.
[Clapping]
- You may now kiss the bride.
[Rachel Sermanni's
"Lay My Heart"]
[cheers and applause]
RACHEL: This is where
I lay my heart ♪
Is where I lay my heart ♪
Is where I lay
my heart ♪
[Cheers and applause]
ALL: By yon bonnie banks
and by yon bonnie braes ♪
Where the sun shines bright
on Loch Lomond ♪
Where me and my true love ♪
Will never meet again ♪
- You look happy.
- I did it, Lurch.
- Did what?
- I broke up with Hilda.
- [Gasps] No!
[Both laughing]
- Yeah.
Something about that ceremony
just really touched a nerve.
- Oh, Bawbag.
You know,
there's no going back now.
♪
- [groans]
I've ruined my life. Ah!
- No, you haven't.
No.
Don't phone her.
She's like the world's
most boring witch.
Her only spell is
making you feel sad.
- She's Dr. Dunne it!
- We are so proud of you,
darling.
- How did you find out?
- Evie's been telling everyone.
My daughter, a doctor?
- Mum, I got my post-doctorate,
like, four years ago.
- I know.
I just like saying it.
- [Laughs]
- To the Isle of Wight!
- Isle of, Isle of,
Isle of fucking Wight.
Isle of, Isle of,
Isle of fucking Wight!
ALL:
Isle of, Isle of,
Isle of fucking Wight!
[Laughter]
- You two are like
gonky Normal People.
- Mm, Abnormal People.
Don't phone her.
- Roger that.
- Now I'm gonna go
and Roger that.
- Gets right in there.
- You're not gonna ask me
to dance, are you?
- Absolutely not.
- OK, good.
[Soft music]
So
I'm, uh
- I'm guessing
you got the postdoc, then.
♪
- How'd you know?
- "Isle of, Isle of,
Isle of fucking Wight."
- [laughs]
- It's great news.
You gonna take it?
- I think so.
I mean, I know so, yeah.
- Yeah.
♪
- You were gonna say something
when you, um, turned up
at my door with flowers.
- I did pull away from you.
I don't usually get
to this bit, you know.
[Singer singing indistinctly]
I just feel like you get me.
And not everyone does.
And then you asked me out,
and I was buzzing,
and then you say,
"I'm going
to the Isle of Wight."
And I thought,
all right, well
Well, that's that done, then.
- I confused you.
I've been confusing.
Usually I'm
the straightforward one.
- [Laughs]
- Didn't occur to me that I
I could have both.
LEE:
But we can.
Do you want both things?
- It's like, I can see the dig,
and I want so badly
to be part of a discovery
that's bigger than me
and bigger than my life
will ever be.
But
I also
- I want you.
I really want
to give this a try.
But I'm not good with people.
And I'm not good
at relationships.
- Well, that sounds like
an unproven hypothesis.
♪
- It would be silly to start
something romantic.
- Yeah.
And we don't even know what
this is yet, so it's, um
- Reckless.
- Illogical.
- Illogical.
Sometimes life isn't logical.
- Knutsford.
- [Laughs] What?
- Knutsford.
It's 225 miles from Glasgow,
and it's 225 miles
from the Isle of Wight.
Slap bang in the middle.
And yeah,
I searched that online.
And you wouldn't believe
how long it took me
to figure that out.
Anyway,
if we want to make this work,
then
Why don't we meet there
in a year's time?
- My postdoc is only
six months.
- OK, six months. Knutsford.
- Well, by then, I'll probably
just be back in Glasgow,
so we could just
- Nina.
I'm being romantic.
[Laughs]
- Knutsford.
- Knutsford.
[Singer singing indistinctly]
- I'm gonna go.
- I should probably go too.
Imagine if I just hung about
after you left.
I won't.
- You can if you want.
My family like you.
- Nina.
- Hmm?
- I'll miss you.
NINA:
I'll miss you too.
- Good luck.
[Soft music]
- Night, night, Bawbag.
♪
- Bye, Nina.
- Bye, Nina.
♪
- [laughing]
EVIE:
Nina!
Did you see Bo and Amber?
- [Laughing] Yeah.
Well, he's got a type.
- Out of the frying pan.
- Mm.
I keep thinking,
what if they don't have
wheat puffs
on the Isle of Wight?
- No, I checked.
Nearly every major supermarket
in the UK sells them.
- But you'll pack some.
- Yes.
EVIE: Just to be safe.
- Yeah.
Were you trying to sneak off
without saying bye?
You know you'll be away
by the time
I get back from my honeymoon.
- Yeah.
I wanted to, but you looked
like you were having fun.
Plus, I've got a job to accept,
and I'm exhausted.
- I should get back
to my husband.
[Laughs]
OK.
- OK.
EVIE:
Bye, Nina.
- [Sniffles]
[Young Fathers'
"Tell Somebody"]
SINGER:
You reach, but your feet ♪
Never left the ground ♪
♪
Tell somebody ♪
Please, please ♪
Please ♪
Tell somebody ♪
Please, please ♪
Please ♪
Please, please ♪
Please ♪
Please, tell somebody ♪
Everybody's anybody,
many bodies know ♪
Tell somebody ♪
Many bodies feel the drop
and everybody go ♪
Everybody's anybody ♪
Many bodies know ♪
Many bodies feel the drop ♪
And everybody go ♪