Doc Martin (2004) s01e06 Episode Script

- Adrian.
Adrian Pitts.
- Oh; yes.
The great Martin Ellingham; who abused myself and others at St Mary's; but taught us about medicine.
Panic attacks.
I sometimes have small panic attacks.
- What brings them on? - Blood.
The smell; sometimes just the sight of it.
Your secret's safe with me.
- Excuse me.
Do you mind? - (Martin) Right breast.
- What? - You had that looked at? - You shouldn't be sunbathing.
- Get lost; you tosser.
- That could be a melanoma.
- Martin.
That was unfortunate.
Maybe you should introduce yourself before you try Don't worry; I'll go and explain.
I don't need to be apologised for.
What do you think you're doing? You can't park on private property.
It's a doctor's surgery.
It's OK; chief.
It's me.
- Adrian Pitts.
- What do you want? Showing Tanya the north coast.
Thought we'd stop in Portwenn for some lunch.
Is it me or is there nothing to eat here? Hilarious place.
Nothing to stop for and you can't park.
We were just saying; it shouldn't be called Portwenn.
It should be called Port Why.
Since we're passing; though; any chance of a quick word? All right.
I love it.
Have you got some buxom maid who brings you scones at four o'clock? What do you want; Adrian? Apart from directions to a half-decent restaurant? My experience with totty is they say they don't want to eat; but unless you keep their sugar up; they don't put out.
I was wondering if I could ask you a small favour.
I was hoping you could put in a word with Chris Parsons for me.
- Faulkner's moving on.
- And you're ready to step up? Yeah.
The problem is there's a little bit of resistance from Chris Parsons.
I know you two are mates.
Maybe you could call him? - I've spoken to Chris.
He called me.
- Oh? He thinks you're an arse.
I think you're an arse too.
Enjoy your weekend.
Arse.
Let's get out of this place.
Come on; 5G.
The quicker we get changed; the longer we can have outside.
Miss.
I have a note.
- OK; Peter.
Go and sit in the library.
- Miss.
Hang on.
Let's see the note.
I don't know why we do PE.
It's not education.
It's running about.
- Well; Peter; why do we do anything? - I hate school and I'm not learning anything.
Sometimes you just have to get the heart beating; my friend.
It's not a reason.
Saying you have to do something doesn't explain why.
- Enough; Peter.
- Still not a reason.
Drops three times a day; should clear up.
If not; come back and see me.
Try and stay out of the water.
I can't.
Big blue surf competition coming up.
- Whatever.
- I don't need a blood test; then? You have an ear infection; Neville.
You'd have to do a blood test; wouldn't you? - There's no nurse here; is there? - No; there's no nurse.
I should have had this done years ago.
- You always think it might be cancer.
- It's a common mole; it's nothing to worry about.
- Is this thing going to hurt? - Not unless I try really hard.
Will it bleed? I'm another one who's not keen on the old red stuff.
I'm not big on blood.
Mind; I don't have a thing about it like you do.
- That's right; isn't it; Doc? - Hold still; please.
I can feel that.
I can feel that! Really? Can we not play a team game? - I hate team games.
- And that's exactly why you should play them.
You're doing it again.
Do you think that's logical? Do you think I'm going to argue with you? Look; team game basically means everyone else teams up against me.
- I don't fit in.
- Yes; you do.
I'm gonna make sure of it.
Cos you're my special project; young man.
Is that cos you've given up with Doc Martin? - I'll be giving up with you in a minute.
- Good.
Then can I go to the library? (children) Go on; Charlie.
Go on; Charlie.
Go on.
Go on; Charlie.
Go on; Henry.
Zak; you fell in the sea.
You're it.
(children shout) Peter! Peter! Peter! (shouting continues) Peter! Peter.
Peter.
Are you OK? Peter.
Peter; are you OK? Peter? Peter.
Now can I go to the library? Elaine; any chance of making me a cup of tea? Make it yourself.
I'm not the tea girl.
As you can see; I have patients waiting.
Well; best go faster then.
White; no sugar.
Mrs Hayton.
(phone rings) Portwenn surgery.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Hold on.
Doc.
Emergency! Bert Large has hurt himself down the pub.
Doc's here.
Hello; Doc.
- What's happened? - He slipped with the drill.
Yeah; it's quite deep.
There's a lot of blood.
- (man) Thought we were going to lose him.
- Got me good.
My life flashed before my eyes.
Right.
First things first.
Let's clean him up.
Al; could you find some water to wash off the - What? The blood? - Are you all right; Doc? Yeah.
I just; erm; need the The blood? Here we are.
Excuse me.
Doc; are you all right? (sniggers) Very funny.
Yeah.
Very clever.
Not stopping for a pint; then.
Did you see his face? Move it! I tell you; I didn't know whether he was going to try and patch me up or faint into my arms.
- (man) You should be so lucky; Bert.
- Well; Bert always did like 'em tall and blonde.
Please; Miss.
Don't tell Mum.
I have to; I'm afraid.
Please; Miss.
She'll freak out.
- I'm really sorry.
- Told you.
Peter; if you take part in things; then eventually you'll be part of things.
So let them tease you and just see the funny side.
Then people will think; "Oh; he's all right.
He's one of us.
" Easier said than done; eh? Bad mood.
He's fine; but you should check him in case he has a cracked rib; just to be on the safe side.
He's fine; but best to be safe; but a woman sunbathing with a melanoma is best to ignore.
- Strange advice.
- That's not fair.
That is not what I said.
- Where does it hurt? - It's all right.
When you're the doctor; you can judge that.
Where does it hurt? - It doesn't.
- Right.
I'll just leave you to it.
Where did you fall? Landed on my front.
Just bruising.
Definitely nothing broken.
Told you.
I happen to know; with a cracked rib; you get Shush.
Breathe in.
And out.
- I have done some reading.
- Done a medical degree? - No.
- Well; shut up; then.
Sorry; can I have a word? - What do you think you're doing? He's nine.
- All right.
Take him to the hospital.
Obviously; nine-year-olds and nursery teachers know better than I do.
Take him to the hospital.
Listen; that has absolutely nothing to do with you.
I think that was my fault.
Mum said not to show people that you're clever.
Because if they're not clever; they don't like it.
But Doc is clever.
And I thought he'd like it.
- Sorry.
Bad day.
- Martin.
If you are going to come to lunch; come at lunchtime.
It is ruined.
Our lunch engagement didn't fit in with the village's plans to ridicule me.
- Who've you upset now? - I haven't upset anybody.
I was just trying to do my job; but somebody has been spreading malicious; unfounded Fenn.
Roger bloody chip-on-the-shoulder Fenn.
Excuse me.
Martin.
Martin! If it's any consolation; saying the right thing at the right time to the right person - no one finds that easy.
Do you love him? No.
Who? Mind your own business.
Doc Martin; sir.
When I took you into my confidence; I didn't expect to find the entire village entertaining itself at my expense.
- What? - "The doc has a thing about blood.
" It hardly inspires confidence.
That was between you and me.
What do you mean? You you didn't tell anyone? Frankly; I resent the accusation.
It's Dr Ellingham.
I prefer being called Dr Ellingham.
Are you OK; Peter? (door opens) Oh.
Feeling better; are you? - Roger suitably chastised? - Er No.
- Why not? - Seems it wasn't him after all.
Oh; I see.
Marty; exactly what is this malicious gossip? - Haven't you heard? - No.
That's hard to believe.
I'm surprised it's not been broadcast on radio.
Well; strange as it seems; you are not the sole topic of conversation in Portwenn.
- Look; what is it? - It's nothing.
This "nothing" is completely unfounded; is it? I put the meat in some sandwiches.
I couldn't wait any longer.
Right.
- I - Please; Marty; don't apologise.
It would give either one or both of us heart failure.
Yeah.
Are you sure you're feeling OK? - Mrs Cronk? - I'm his teacher.
You can tell Peter's parents it's just a bit of bruising.
What we call - Intercostal sprain.
- Yes.
You've taught him well.
- If only.
- Well; Peter; you must take it easy; OK? Rest of the week off school; maybe.
He should be fine.
If you're worried; bring him back and we'll see him again.
- OK.
- Bye-bye.
Ice cream? Come on; then.
(music) (man) Radio Portwenn.
106.
1 FM.
It's that time of the month; if you'll pardon the connotation; that we turn our thoughts to what's ever on your mind.
Got something to say? Give me a call.
Portwenn 6178.
Go ahead; caller.
You're live with Caroline.
Hello; Caroline; this is Lily.
It's about Doc Martin.
Do you think it's true what they're saying that the poor man's scared of blood? No; Lily.
This isn't a forum for gossip.
(Lily) I heard Bert Large would have bled to death - because the doc wouldn't go near him.
- Oh; come on.
Well; that's what they're saying.
Bert had an accident and the doc went to pieces.
I don't want to see a doctor who's scared of blood.
I reckon we should have a proper doctor.
(Caroline) I couldn't possibly comment.
What's that? They're saying Doc Martin's funny about blood.
What? Funny how? Lucy Holmes says that he can't bear the sight of it.
- Or it's the smell.
I'm not sure.
- But he used to be a surgeon.
(Lily) That's what worries me.
I don't want to be going to Truro.
(Caroline) No; that's a very good point.
Thank you.
Let's take another call.
You're through to Caroline.
I'm Morwenna and I specialise in homeopathic medicine.
I bet you don't come across much of the red stuff.
(Morwenna) I just want to suggest that Doc Martin might benefit from Thuja Occidentalis.
- (Caroline) Thuja? - Thuja Occidentalis.
- What does that do; Morwenna? - It's good for haemophobia - the fear of blood.
(Caroline) So there's a technical term? Haemophobia.
(Morwenna) Yes.
Haemophobia.
It's not uncommon; actually.
Quite a few people get it.
- (Caroline) Not too many doctors; I hope.
- He couldn't be in a worse profession.
(Caroline) Unless he was a butcher.
Oh; Bert; you've caused a storm there; mate.
That were investigative journalism.
I was uncovering the truth for the greater good.
- Dad; what are you talking about? - Well; the way I see it is this.
If a plumber like me or Al were afraid of water; then that is something that the great Cornish public has a right to know about.
Besides; old Doc Martin will be over it by now.
He'll just go with the flow.
He'll see the funny side.
We've got a caller on another line.
Next caller.
You're live This is Dr Martin Ellingham.
I just wanted to get a few things crystal clear for you and your puerile listeners.
I admit to having certain difficulties; but they have not and they never will impair my function as a doctor.
And for the record; a certain village plumber's accident was in fact a prank with some ketchup; which; by the way; kept me from attending to patients in my surgery.
And as for so-called homeopathic remedies Well; I suggest if there's one for chronic infantilism; your caller; and indeed the entire village; should embark on a course immediately! Thank you! (Caroline) Right.
That was Dr Ellingham calling in with - What's happened? - Didn't Mrs Curnow get in touch? - No; what's happened? - Miss; it's OK.
Mum; you got customers.
- What's he done now? - Peter had an accident during PE.
- No; Miss.
- We took him to the hospital and he's fine.
Mum; sit down.
Miss; can you get some water; please.
She panics sometimes.
Please; water.
- What have you done? - Nothing.
Hello; my name's Martin Ellingham.
- Doctor; I'm bleeding.
- Oh; he's gonna puke.
Doc needs a doctor.
Tosser! - Are you sure he's all right? - He's fine.
He's amazing.
He diagnosed himself.
Intercostal sprain.
I'm all right; Mum.
Thank God.
Thank you.
I took Peter to the hospital.
He's fine.
Home eating steak.
Thank you.
Heard the thing on the radio.
My private concerns seem to provide this village - with an endless source of amusement.
- Martin; I don't think Haven't you people anything better to do than gossip? "You people"? Forgive me; but I think a doctor being afraid of blood is worthy of discussion.
Maybe not on the radio.
Maybe that was a bit harsh.
I have a minor blood issue.
I do not need your sympathy; thank you.
I was a member of the panel which interviewed you.
I don't recall your "minor blood issue" being mentioned.
Now; that amounts to negligence at best.
I didn't mean that.
For the record; I wrote in advance to the head of the PCT explaining in full.
- I said I didn't mean it.
- What did you mean? I don't know.
I don't know why every conversation we have is so combative.
Do you? Martin? When I speak it just makes things worse.
Oh; that is not an answer.
That is just so childish.
- I think you've just proved my point.
- Yeah.
And Peter would say that too.
Both of you deliberately stand outside the crowd and then you wonder why you feel isolated.
And you know what? Apart from anything else; that is so selfish.
(phone rings) Hello.
Hello.
(heavy breathing) Get lost.
Mrs Cronk.
(engaged tone) (phone rings) (Louisa) Martin.
Martin.
I need you; Martin.
Martin; please.
Louisa.
Ugh! Oh! Get off.
(Louisa on answerphone) Martin.
Martin.
If you get this message; meet me at the Cronks'.
Something's wrong.
I'm going over now.
Mrs Cronk.
Mrs Cronk.
It's all right.
Mrs Cronk.
Mrs Cronk.
Mrs Just Just Just breathe out.
Breathe out for me.
Where's Peter? Is he upstairs? He's upstairs? I'm gonna go and take a look at him; OK? And then I'll be right back.
I'm gonna make you more comfortable.
Have this.
It's gonna be all right.
It's gonna be all right.
OK? Peter.
It's Miss Glasson; Peter.
Peter; can you hear me? Peter; it's Miss Glasson.
Can you tell me what's wrong? Can you tell me what's wrong; Peter? Peter.
Peter.
Erm; ambulance.
Hello.
What's happened? - Peter.
- What? She's having a panic attack.
She's had them before.
- (Mrs Cronk) Peter.
- Peter's ill upstairs.
I've called an ambulance.
Find a paper bag and have her breathe in and out of it.
Breathe in and out.
It'll help.
- Which room? - On the left.
Hello; Peter.
It's Dr Ellingham.
How are you feeling? (groans) Right.
Mrs Cronk.
Does Peter have neck pain? I should have called you sooner.
I'm going to look after him; but his neck.
Is he having pain there? There's a towel underneath it.
He said it was stiff.
- On the left-hand side? - What does that mean? - Where's that ambulance? - Probably in Truro.
That's not good enough.
Call Mark Mylow.
Tell him we need him down here right away.
Dr Ellingham.
I need you to scramble the air ambulance.
- It's Louisa.
I'm in the Cronks'.
- Nine-year-old with suspected ruptured spleen.
It's probably been leaking since lunchtime.
Alert the duty surgical team.
Speed is of the essence.
- Yeah.
Louisa; where can a helicopter land? - At the harbour.
They've landed there before.
At the harbour; apparently.
They've landed there before.
Yeah.
Quickly; please.
Peter.
We're going to take you to hospital.
Good.
- Where is he? - Upstairs.
Peter; listen.
At school; when I was cross OK; need a hand? I've got the bag.
- Anything I can do; Doc? - Get Mrs Cronk and follow us to the harbour.
Come on; my lover.
I've got my car just over here.
Erm Louisa; why don't you get in first and I'll hand him to you? OK.
Yep.
Where's the bloody helicopter? Mark; why don't you see if you can raise them on the radio? Yeah.
Charlie; it's Mark here.
Mrs Cronk; I don't imagine you want to fly with us; so why don't you follow in the car with Mr Thornton and meet us at the hospital? Yeah.
Look; Doc.
I don't think she should come with me with all that strange breathing.
- Just do it.
- See you at the hospital; OK? Mum will see you soon; eh? Promise promise you'll stay with him.
Yeah; of course.
You've got your Miss Glasson with you; Petey.
You've got your favourite Miss G.
Come on.
Come on.
His pulse is racing.
- I asked for a helicopter.
- Are you the GP? - Where is it? - Stuck at Delabole.
There's a mechanical fault.
- No engineer on hand.
- What? - So what we got? Abdominal trauma? - Yes.
Full.
All right.
I'll take him.
- Careful.
- I know what I'm doing.
- We'll take him from here.
- No; I'm coming with you.
So am I.
I was wrong.
Intercostal sprain.
We'll see.
Let's get you to hospital; you might be right.
No.
You tell the truth.
Most adults - You tell the truth.
- OK.
Peter; I think when you fell in the gym; you may have hurt one of your important organs.
You've some shoulder-tip pain on your left-hand side; so I suspect that it's the spleen.
- You can live without your spleen.
Can't you? - Yes; you can.
But you may be bleeding inside; so that's why we're getting you to the hospital.
- Am I going to be OK? - If I have anything to do with it; yes.
And Peter.
I'm sorry if I was rude earlier.
- I was having a bad day.
- You've got to let them tease you.
What's that? You got to let them tease you.
After a while; they say; "Oh; yes; he's one of us.
" How come you got a thing about blood? It's a minor anxiety disorder resulting from overexposure to a high-pressure environment.
Surgery? I was operating on a woman one day.
Simple procedure.
I went to see her in the ward beforehand and her family were there.
Her husband and her sister and her son.
They were clinging to her.
Wouldn't let go.
And the next time I saw her was prepped; laid out in front of me on the operating table.
And I couldn't do it.
I haven't been able to operate since; actually.
Which is a shame; cos it's the only thing I was ever any good at.
Oh; Martin.
(Peter) You've got to let them tease you.
You've got to let them tease you.
- How long till we get there? - 45 minutes.
I think he's bleeding internally.
- Might be a cracked rib.
- No; he hasn't got a cracked rib.
- Do something; Martin.
- Let the A & E team deal with it.
- No; Martin.
- Look; love.
I always say the little 'uns drop like flies and bounce back like balloons.
He'll be right as rain in a couple of days.
Be cutting the legs off spiders.
- His blood pressure's gone right off.
- He's bleeding out.
Get a line in him.
- Of what? - What have you got? Plasma? - Haemocoel.
- That'll have to do.
How many? - Two; I think.
- That should get us there.
Can you get a move on? We've gotta get some fluid in him.
Now.
- Oh; no.
I can't find a vein.
- You can't find one cos there's nothing in them.
All right; Louisa.
I need you to squeeze this bottle hard and when you get to the bottom; twist it all out.
- It's finished.
- Blood pressure? - Not recordable.
- Oh; God.
- Have you got a blade? - Yep.
I've got no anaesthetic; though.
He isn't feeling anything where he is; is he? I need some gloves.
Some disinfectant.
- Do you carry a Spencer Wells forceps? - Yeah.
(Martin) OK.
Prep his upper left quadrant; please.
OK.
Scalpel.
Erm I may vomit.
OK.
Yeah.
It's his spleen.
Spencer Wells.
If I can just clamp the splenic artery; that might buy us a little - God; it's broken.
You got another? - No.
Martin! I'll just have to hold it by hand till we get there.
OK.
All right.
BP? Coming back a bit.
All right.
That's as much as we can do.
Radio ahead.
Tell them what we know.
And ask them to have a functioning Spencer Wells forceps standing by! We'll take it from here.
- OK? - Yeah.
Oh; sorry.
Right; let's go and wait.
I'm going to the loo.
Shall I get some coffee? No; thanks.
I don't like hospital coffee.
OK.
- You're sitting on my coat.
- Oh.
- Mr and Mrs Cronk.
- I'm Mrs Cronk.
What's wrong? - How's the boy? - The surgeon's on his way.
- Would you like to follow me? - Yes.
Mrs Cronk.
- I heard the big chief was here.
- How is he? No; tell his mother.
Her name's Joy.
Yes.
Don't worry.
We do know the drill.
You know him? Former pupil.
Oh; my God.
Martin.
Nurse.
Some water for Mrs Cronk; please.
And some oxygen.
Don't you miss that? The gratitude.
Gets me every time.
So; what? Peter's all right? - Minus a spleen; but he'll live.
- Oh; thank God.
I don't need to tell you you saved him on the way in.
Remarkable; given your handicap.
I suppose one never really loses the basics.
- Any complications? - A tiny bit of pancreatic leak; that's all.
- Secondary spleen? - There was.
And yes; I was careful to leave it.
By the way; we did find somewhere to eat down your way.
Pub.
Perfectly decent food.
Had a pint with some of the locals.
Like to gossip; don't they? Hope I didn't drop you in it.
- (nurse) Mr Pitts.
- Excuse me.
- Er What was that about? - It was him.
- What was? - Spread the word about my blood thing.
You two get back.
Are you sure? Tell him I'll come and see him after school.
Thank you.
Thank you both.
Actually; can you give me one minute? Wait.
I said; "No; madam; I think you misheard me.
I said cranial shunt.
" - I just want to say thanks for looking after Peter.
- It's nothing.
- Well; maybe to you.
- Listen; do you get into Truro much? If I did; you would be the last person I'd wanna see.
- Pardon? - If you ever bad-mouth Martin Ellingham; who; by the way; is ten times the man you will ever be I was just surprised people didn't know If you ever do that again; I promise you that I will be the last person that you will wanna see.
In Portwenn; in Truro; or anywhere.
Do we understand each other? Sure.
- Everything all right? - Fine.
How are you feeling? OK.
You did a very special thing today.
What did Peter mean when he said; "Let them tease you"? It's the advice I gave him which pretty much resulted in him rupturing his spleen.
Maybe the truth is that people like Peter; they're never gonna quite fit in.
They're never gonna quite be ordinary.
And maybe that's not such a bad thing.
And maybe that's why we love the Peters of this world.
And maybe that's why we; or I What? - Nothing.
- No; say it.
I'm assuming you have a regular dental hygiene routine? Pardon? Are you being serious? Well; no; it's just Well; obviously not in the last few hours; but thank you very much; yes; I have.
Of course.
That would suggest rhinitis or gastroesophageal reflux.
Are you saying I've got bad breath? I just think it would be wise to rule out any infections of the aerodigestive tract.
What? Obviously; a dietary explanation would be the happiest outcome.
Louisa.