Doll and Em (2013) s01e06 Episode Script

1 Tsk.
It was right here, I know it was.
Can we go? My fingers are frozen.
I just wanted to get you a lovely book from my favorite bookshop.
Excuse me, when did the bookshop close? Oh, a terrible blow to the community.
It really brought us together, though.
We did a round-the-clock vigil.
God, I wish I'd been here.
We all do.
Mum, could we go back to the hotel and watch TV? Yeah, let's go back, get warm.
Oh, I see, you're You're not from here.
Bye.
Come on, Em.
Let's go.
Dorothy? What is this pink card doing on all my tables? Can you not use our establishment to promote yourself? You're making me sound like a prostitute.
Clearly not a very good one.
- Dorothy.
- It's Dolly.
Why don't you just embrace your birth name? Because I don't like it very much.
But it three syllables.
Three syllables, and you only use two.
Why all the hiding? What are you hiding from? Well, I was trying to get people to come to my show, but you're saying I can't.
Well, sorry for asking you to do your job, Dorothy.
This is gonna be so weird, Em.
Can we please just take the kids somewhere that hasn't changed since I was little? She doesn't work here anymore anyway.
I'm sure she doesn't.
- Oliver.
- Emily.
Oh, wow.
Hello! So lovely to see you.
Yeah, look at you.
You don't change.
You neither, my goodness.
- Oh.
- You know Ben, right? Hi, how you doing? April and Eddie, say hi to Oliver.
- Hi.
- Hi.
So, you're back.
For Christmas, yeah.
Yeah, it does seem like yesterday since your dad brought you here for mousse au chocolat.
And now, look, you're here with your little ones.
They're dying for mousse au chocolat.
That's why we're here.
I don't like chocolate.
And to see us, I hope.
Dorothy! Shit, why'd you let me come here? - I'll get her.
- No, no, don't worry.
I think it's better not.
We just came for the mousse, and my son doesn't even really like chocolate, so I think it's better if we just should we just Oh, look, here she is.
Et voilà.
Doll and Em.
Gosh, what a surprise.
Is it really? I didn't think you worked here anymore.
Well, that must be a huge relief to find out that absolutely nothing's changed.
Don't be silly, Dorothy.
She's been promoted from kitchens to front of house.
- How are you, Doll? - Yeah, really, really good, thanks.
We just came for the chocolate mousse.
And to show them where my dad used to bring me when I was little.
Yeah, my dad used to bring me here, too.
Yeah, they used to bring each other, didn't they, sometimes? I didn't get that film, obviously.
Edgar thought that Jessica Biel would be better at playing the englishwoman than me.
I'm sorry.
It's good to see you, Doll.
Yeah, you, too.
Hi.
Do you want Dorothy to get you a table? Oh, God, no.
You know what? It's I think we should just go.
The kids are so tired.
Would it be all right if we took it to go, maybe? Oh, a doggie bag? Tsk, tsk, tsk.
Okay.
A "foamy latte", perhaps? No, we're fine.
- I should go.
- Of course.
- Bye.
- See you, Doll.
Bye.
Bye.
Bye.
Thank you very much, sir.
Wasn't she in "shutter island"? So, am I being sarcastic when I'm saying this? No, I don't think so.
Yeah, but then why am I angry, then, at the top bit, without these Because you're also There's an interesting parallel between you and Miranda because you've both been on the island, you've both been alone.
You were friends as children, and so you're having a very similar moment.
I think you should have You should have roast chicken, roast potatoes.
Emily? - You can have chips.
Do they have chips? Oh, my God, Emily.
Oh, tell him to get lost.
- Hey, hi.
- No, I should say hi.
- Please, Em, don't.
- How's it going? - Good, how are you? - Come on, guys.
- Who's that, dad? - Fine, wow.
So, what are you doing back? I thought you lived in the "United Satanic America.
" Yeah, we're just back for Christmas.
- You seeing your mother? - Our mother, yes.
Can you tell her that I have no money? Okay.
And, uh, actually, can you ask Woody Allen to come to my recital? I don't really know Woody Allen.
Are you doing another gig? What do you mean, am I doing another gig? Of course, I'm doing another gig.
I've got gig, gig, gig, gig, gig.
Should I be in Hollywood? If I was, would it be okay to do "another gig"? - I didn't say that.
- Can I do another gig? - You should listen to me.
- I'm sorry if I offended you, will.
Well, you did, so in that case, why would you not tell everybody? Why don't you tell Woody Allen? I'm not going to tell Woody Allen.
I can't tell Woody Allen, will.
- You can't? - No.
Is it well, you could, but you're not going to because you're a selfish bitch.
- Thank you.
- You know that? Just like your mother.
- Thank you very much.
- Just like your mother, you hear that? - Yeah.
- You know what? Dolly was right.
- Thank you, bye.
- When did you see Dolly? Do you have an assistant right now? No.
I could be your assistant.
I would be a brilliant assistant.
How much do you pay your assistants? What, is it £50 a day? Maybe it's more? It's more ? Is it more? Will, I've got to go inside.
My children are inside.
Okay, I'm asking you for 50 quid.
Are you trying to humiliate me? - No, I'm not trying to - Can I have £50? Oh, I'm so hungry Stand up.
Will, stand up.
I'll give you £50 if you stand up.
Emily? You've ripped my jumper.
No, I didn't.
Emily, Emily.
You can't You've just You've ruined my jumper.
And then you're just gonna walk away unscathed.
How do you always manage to do that? You know what? Dad didn't want you to go and live in America.
Will, what do you want me to do? I want you to let me rip your sleeve.
If you let me rip your sleeve, then I will go.
You got a good review.
But, girl, I want you more and more Doll! Doll! Doll! Why didn't you pick up the phone? What? Why didn't you pick up the phone? Is someone in there with you? No, I'm on my own.
Yeah, but I can hear music.
Can't I listen to music on my own? Mm.
- 'Night, Tom.
- Doll, Doll, Doll, Doll, I'm dancing.
You love my dancing, yeah? Used to love it.
Whoo.
- I'm going to bed.
- I'll be right up, yeah? - 'Night, Tom.
I'm seeing somebody else anyway! She's 26! - Hey, how are you doing? - Hey, good to see you.
Hey.
I'm very sorry.
Wrong line.
Second series guest, we renegotiated Jenny.
- Em! - Hey! Oh, hello.
- Hello.
- Good to see you.
- Emily! - Oh, my goodness.
What a treat.
- Oh, how are you? - I'm good.
Why did you say it like that? I was just to make you feel at home.
I'm sorry, am I being a freak? I don't get it.
Oh, no, it's just you up-inflected.
- No, I didn't, did I? - Yeah, you did.
- How do you say it? - How are you? So, you're doing that film.
You're doing that film with John Cusack.
- Mm-hmm.
- Yeah.
How's that? What's that like? God, it's It's like the female "Godfather.
" Are you serious? It sounds terrible.
- I thought you liked the script.
- I did.
Oh, God, she's been there too long.
I think we'd better kidnap her, Jen, bring her back before she takes herself even more seriously.
Sorry, was I did you guys have a meeting? Did I interrupt something? No, no, no.
No, I'm not being and I know it's a cliché, and obviously your husband is excluded from this, but they haven't got much irony, have they? Really.
I remember I was at a party in L.
A.
once and someone asked me if I was an actor, and when I said, "yes, but not a very good one" It was as if I'd actually said, "I eat babies.
" I mean, maybe they just agreed with you.
Jen.
I should go.
This is for you.
It's tiny.
Oh, you're so sweet.
You shouldn't have.
We haven't had a chance to talk properly - No, I've got to go.
- Really? - But next time, yeah.
- Okay.
- Happy new year.
- Happy new year.
Take care.
- Bye.
- Happy new year.
Take care.
My present won't fit in a box.
Joking.
I'm joking.
Bye.
Was that a bit creepy? - Oh, you.
- I'm sorry, Jen.
- Hello? Hi.
- Hi.
- Do you have a - Yes, sure.
There you go.
Passport and boarding pass.
Thank you.
Please thanks very much.
In thl take this, please.
Passport and boarding pass.
Please wait over here.
We'll be ready to depart shortly.
- Should I go over - Yes, sit down.
Hi.
Hurry to me, please.
Passport and boarding cards at the ready.
We will be leaving shortly for Borduria.
We have no time to lose.
Mind your head, please.
Get on the boat, right to the front.
where the bee sucks, there suck I in a cowslip's bell I lie there I couch when owls do cry on the bat's back I do fly.
For I have lost my daughter.
A daughter? When did you lose your daughter? In this last tempest.
Oh, wonder.
How many goodly creatures are there here.
How beauteous mankind is.
Oh, brave new world that has such people in it.
'Tis new to thee.
Oh, I should be pinched to death! Go, Sirrah, to my cell.
As you look to have my pardon, trim it handsomely.
I will, sir, and seek good grace.
Oh, what a thrice fool am I to take this drunkard for a God and worship this dull fool.
Oh, go to.
Away.
Be free, and fare you well.
- Dolly, well done.
- Hey.
And you.
It was good tonight.
- Well done.
- Congratulations.
Nice to meet you, bye.
- Doll, hey, well done.
- You, too.
It was so good.
- You know Noel, right? - Hi.
- Hi.
- What? I wouldn't, um wouldn't take you for a theater goer.
Yeah, he's not.
He missed it.
- Oh, right.
- Yeah, it was really weird, actually.
I got a bit late and they said that I'd missed the ferry.
Is that normal for theater? Well, I don't know.
It's my first play and it's "The Tempest.
" I am supposed to be an Eastern European ferryman from the 70s, so I am a bit confused, too.
- Eastern European? That's amazing.
- Doll? I really wish I'd seen it now.
I can do an eastern European accent.
Yeah, but not like that.
That was really realistic.
- And I was really good - That was so great, Doll.
You were brilliant.
The whole thing was.
I can't tell you.
It was just I had no idea Oh, that's really sweet.
Thank you.
- I got you a present.
It's nothing.
It's silly.
Em, you can't just fix everything all the time.
In fact, sometimes you make it a lot worse.
Look, I'm sorry I made you my assistant, okay? I wasn't trying to fix you.
I just thought I might cheer you up or something.
Turned out to be a complete disaster, not just because you're the worst assistant ever But because I lost my best friend.
I'm gonna go.
Em? You don't have to put yours on now or anything.
Oh, no, it's too big.
No, it's perfect.
We look a lot older now.
Quite a lot older.
Hey.
Are you getting naked? Wow, they are such cool T-shirts.
Did you get permission from those kids to use their image naked? Well, no, it's us when we were little.
Oh, wow.
We should probably update that image, though.
It's a bit old, a bit '70s.
Maybe we should, uh, you know.
I mean, I'm not a photographer, but I've got quite a good bath.
What I'm saying is we could have a bath together.
Not in a sexual way.
A bit more, you know, fun.
Bubble beards.
Bit of splashing about.
Oh.
We could do it here.
I've got bubble bath on me.
I could just pour it over you.
Wow, you guys are really into it.
Guys? So, you know, come back to me in about five, yeah? I really did love the play, Doll.
It was amazing.
- Really? - Yes.
It was just what going to the theater should be like.
It was a real adventure, you know? I wish I could do something like that.
- You could.
- No, I'm just Doll? What? Nothing, it's silly.
What? Why don't we do something together? Oh, I don't think it's a good idea.
No, no, I mean as equals.
Be in a play together.
Write a play together.
Just do something ourselves, have an idea and put it on.
We could go and write by the sea somewhere like Virginia Woolf and just write and write and write.
Stay in a lighthouse.
Yeah, oh, my God, that's perfect.
I'll get Lauren to start looking into properties on the coast.
- Who's Lauren? - My new assistant.