Doom Patrol (2019) s01e06 Episode Script
Doom Patrol Patrol
1 [RITA.]
Previously on Doom Patrol Who wants pancakes? - Cliff! - [SCREAMS.]
[CLIFF.]
You told me my daughter was dead! - I was trying to protect you.
- By lying? Paraguay was an eye-opener.
All that carnage.
Cliff, you're a fucking monster.
It's not your fault, Elliot.
You should've let me die.
I went with my gut, and my gut says you deserve a break.
[LAUGHS.]
- Shit! Shit.
- [CLIFF.]
What is that? Don't! No, it's an emergency trigger! - No, no, no.
Don't! - What? - If you press it, my dad - It'll send an SOS.
This is for your own good.
- [BEEPING.]
- Grid.
Stop, no.
[MR.
NOBODY.]
I have one more task for you.
What the fuck is the Doom Patrol? [TYPEWRITER TYPING.]
Shit.
[SIGHS.]
Ms.
Farr, Mr.
Bloom will see you now.
That only took an hour and a half.
There she is.
[CHUCKLES.]
Come here, gorgeous.
[EXCLAIMS.]
Oh.
What can my girl get you? Coffee? Tea? - Anything at all? - I'm fine, Sydney.
Thank you.
That's all, hon.
Sit.
[SIGHS.]
So, how are you, kiddo? I'm hungry, Syd.
I want the love-interest role in your new wrestling picture.
You know I'd be perfect for it.
Boy, you just get right to it, don't you? Some girls may need to play little games.
I'm a woman.
I know what I want, and I'm not afraid to say it.
So I've heard.
Scoop around town is you're nothing but trouble.
Moody, abusive, and there's not a makeup girl in the burg who'll touch you.
Besides, the director has his heart set on Mary Lacy.
- Moon-eyed Mary? Please.
- [CHUCKLES.]
You need a hit bad, Syd, and I need a job.
So what do you say we help each other out, hmm? You wanna talk turkey? You don't need help.
What you need is a miracle.
Because the name "Rita Farr" hasn't put a butt in the seat in a dog's age.
Concrete shines brighter than your star My sweet.
Hmm.
[GASPS, CHUCKLES.]
Attagirl.
Show me how hungry you are.
[RITA.]
Hmm.
[SMOOCHING.]
[SPLASH.]
[TYPING.]
[SUFFOCATING.]
[SYD MOANING.]
[TYPEWRITER CLICKS, RESETS.]
Syd? Syd? [GASPS.]
Uh - [KNOCK ON DOOR.]
- Mr.
Bloom? The bastard had a heart attack.
You were never here.
Get it? Go.
[EXHALES.]
[SIGHS.]
I don't think he's coming back.
[CLIFF TYPING.]
"This user's profile is only viewable by friends.
" What about her fucking father? [LAPTOP THUDS.]
Jane? I made you some, "We kicked the apocalypse's ass" sandwiches.
Hi.
I was wondering, if you're not busy or anything I'm trying to look at my kid's online thing, and I could use some help.
I made 'em just the way Baby Doll likes [SHUTS DOOR.]
Does that mean you're still mad at me? Hello? I'm not cleaning this shit up.
Fine, I'll do it! But just this fucking once.
You hear me, Jane? Jane! Fuck! [BABY DOLL ON TV.]
No! No! N-O.
N-O.
I don't want you to go.
[NILES.]
It's only for a few days, Baby Doll.
[BABY DOLL.]
It's seven.
Seven is a whole week! You'll miss pancake day.
But what if I promise to have pancakes at 9:00 a.
m.
tomorrow, and think of you.
And you have pancakes at the same time and think of me, hmm? No.
No, you're trying to trick me.
It won't be the same.
You're telling me.
For once, I'm going to be able to enjoy my breakfast without a certain little piggy [OINKS LIKE A PIG.]
Snarfing up all the syrup.
- [NILES.]
Mmm? - [BOTH LAUGHING.]
But what if you start liking your new friends more than you like me? That's impossible.
For one thing, they have a hopelessly silly name.
"The Doom Patrol.
" - I mean, really.
Come on.
- [BABY DOLL GIGGLES.]
[NILES.]
And for another, they don't like pancakes.
[FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING.]
You gonna try and glue 'em back on? No need.
Fucking A.
Guess it was a good day to be a robot boy.
Am I right? How do I see my kid's Facehole? Create a profile, send her a friend request, and wait for her not to accept it.
I was thinking you could stick a cyber finger in it, jiggle the handle, and unlock it for me.
First of all, none of what you just said makes sense.
And if you're asking me to hack into it for you No! I saved your life, and you can't do this one lousy thing for me? Actually, you put me in safety mode when you pushed my reset button.
And now my cyber fingers won't jiggle unless my dad turns it off.
You're locked out of your own brain? That's fucked up.
I thought I was fucked up.
[LAUGHING.]
Hey, Siri, what's the Doom Patrol? Will you please stop doing that? His shit's busted right now, Jane.
"Doom Patrol"? Never heard of them.
Why do you ask? Mr.
Nobody kind of asked me to find them.
How come you're helping her with her thing, but not mine? Feel free to take it personally.
Here we go.
Okay, Doom Patrol.
A minor superhero team active from the early to late '50s.
And then they just dropped off the scene.
They're so smiley.
Look more like a creepy sex cult than superheroes.
What happened to them? - [VIC.]
Doesn't say.
- Two words tracksuits, and Kool-Aid.
Why are you looking at pictures of the Doom Patrol? You've heard of them? If you must know, I had a brief love affair with Mento.
Mento.
Steve Dayton? The fifth richest man in America in 1955.
The guy with the salad spinner on his head? [RITA.]
It's a psionic amplifier.
It enhances his natural psychic abilities.
Our liaison ended poorly and I don't wish to speak of it.
No one cares.
Start talking.
Well, I never met the others.
Niles only introduced me to Steve.
[LARRY.]
How did Niles know him? I have no idea.
Did you ever ask this dude anything about himself? Anything at all? It was a very introspective time in my life.
Do you have any idea why Mr.
Nobody would point us in the direction of Doom Patrol? Mr.
Nobody wants you to find them.
And you're doing it.
You got a problem with that? What, with you doing precisely what the bad guy told you to do? No.
Why would we have a problem with that? I didn't hear you complaining when he helped us stop the Decreator.
By all means, let's trust the degenerate who kidnapped Niles and shoved an entire town up a donkey's ass.
Yeah.
Unfortunately, I don't give a fuck what you think.
We're got nothing else to go on right now.
You're my in and you're my backup.
So shut your assholes because we're doing this.
Please, God, don't let me puke in my bandages.
What? - Where - We're here.
Jane, I want no part of this nonsense.
Have Flit take me back this instant.
Hang on, let me tell her.
Uh-huh? Uh-huh? Yeah, Flit says to fuck yourself in the face.
We're not leaving here till we find the Doom Patrol.
[WHOOSHING.]
Hey.
Hey, you guys are [WHOOSHING.]
Trust me, when I tell you ladies you do not wanna fuck with me.
Remember, it's always better to subdue your opponent if you can.
What is this shit? A fucked-up Rushmore? [THUD.]
[MUFFLED SPEECH.]
Deadly force should be your last resort.
[SCREAMS.]
Okay Okay, kids! You guys wanna see what your teachers look like on the inside? [JOSH.]
Jane.
Where is Niles? I was just gonna ask you the same goddamn thing.
[SILAS.]
Magnificent.
How long did it take? Didn't think to time it.
Sorry.
My arm cannon overheated.
What I wanna know is why you deployed it in the first place.
To get Niles back.
The man who took him, Mr.
Nobody, he was right here.
[TOOLS CLAMORING.]
I'm sorry, who? Mr.
Nobody.
He's a member of the Brotherhood of Evil.
He's bad news, Pops.
He should be on the JLA watchlist or something.
The JLA doesn't tend to overlook the credible threats.
If he mattered, they'd know him.
You don't care if Niles lives or dies, do you? He's your friend.
We haven't been friends for ages.
So what, that makes him your enemy? This is none of your concern, Vic.
Now, suffice it to say, when you mix in with weirdos, and pseudo-scientists, you reap the consequences.
Enough about all that.
We should get started.
How long is this thing gonna take? Depending on the damage, three hours at the most.
But don't worry, you'll be in sleep mode.
What? You won't feel a thing.
It'll be just like taking a nap.
No, no, no.
I gotta be awake for this.
I gotta see how this thing works.
Victor, do you want me to reboot you or not? - How big was that explosion? - Not very.
Why? [ANCHORWOMAN.]
This week's "Stupid Criminal" spotlight is on Steve Larson, also known as Animal Vegetable Mineral Man.
He was attacked by his secondary dinosaur head during a robbery gone wrong.
Let's take a look.
Open the register! Now! Now! - Ow! God damn it! Stop! [SCREAMING.]
- [DINOSAUR GROWLING.]
Stop! Not the face! Not the face! - [SCREAMING.]
Ow! Ow! - [THUD.]
What a tit.
[ANCHORWOMAN.]
Larson was charged with armed robbery.
His dinosaur, with aiding and a-biting.
What? Is one of your fucking fingers inside me? You really gotta phrase it that way, huh? Get the fuck out! It appears that Niles Caulder's indestructible man Isn't.
I think I have a blowtorch and some chewin' tobacco in the car.
Fix you right up.
[CHUCKLES.]
The hell's that supposed to mean? Okay, look.
My dad's gonna power me down when he runs the diagnostics, you cannot leave me alone with him.
Why? What's he gonna do? I don't know.
That's the point.
Look, I need you to watch what he does, and tell me after, okay? Sure.
I can help you out with that.
Thank you.
But you gotta help me out with Clara's Facehole.
[SCOFFS.]
Please, Cliff.
All right.
Have a nice snooze, buddy.
[SIGHS.]
The Chief started this place? When? [JOSH.]
After the Doom Patrol retired.
This was their headquarters.
It was Niles's idea to turn it into a school for meta-humans.
Mento, Rhea, and Arani, they all agreed to stay on.
As teachers.
How did Niles get involved with superheroes? Niles never said.
You know he has his secrets.
You said your name was Josh Clay.
Have we met before? No.
I don't believe so.
[LARRY.]
Were you in the military? Briefly.
So Niles kept his shit tight, - but he told you about me.
- Yeah.
You could say that.
What? This is your room.
What? Isn't that why you're here? Niles didn't send you? Niles is missing.
[LARRY.]
"Taken" would be more accurate.
By who? Some ass-bag named Mr.
Nobody.
[WOMAN.]
Mr.
Nobody? Who has he taken? - You know this Nobody freak? - Jane.
You and I should talk.
Arani, would you mind showing Larry around? I don't wanna put anybody out.
No, no, no.
Enjoy the tour, LT.
Take pictures.
[KIDS CHATTERING.]
[CROW CAWING.]
[CLEARS THROAT.]
[SIGHS.]
The thing about me is, once I set my mind to a task, I excel at it.
When I played Jules Niagara in Three Sabres to Saskatchewan, I learned the Dance of the Seven Veils in less than a day.
It's a very complicated number, Niles.
It is, yes.
I've seen it.
So, the fact that I can't seem to keep myself together by now doesn't give me much hope that a stranger can help me.
Well, I certainly understand how you feel.
And I agree, you are an exceptional woman, but it's only been a month.
And we are in uncharted territory.
Do you know how long a month is in Hollywood? Every second that passes, my name gets colder and colder.
If I don't nip this business in the bud soon, I may well be stuck here forever.
No offense.
No, this is a safe place.
That is what you make of it.
Isn't there a vitamin shot I could take instead? Dr.
Kurtz, he will prescribe you anything you ask for.
Anything at all.
Maybe we should call him.
You and I both know, Rita, whatever's going on with you goes deeper than that.
I believe your issue is as much psychological, as it is physiological.
And this Mento aside from being fantastically rich, is a doctor? Not exactly.
No.
- [KNOCKING AT DOOR.]
- Ah! - [MENTO.]
Am I late? - [NILES.]
No.
Right on time.
Steve Dayton, I'd like you to meet Rita Farr.
It's a pleasure, Ms.
Farr.
Niles, I don't think I'm comfortable with this.
This may be hard to believe, but when Niles first found me, I looked like the creature from your last film.
After Mick Manly had killed him.
You're familiar with my work? Who isn't? You're Rita Farr.
It would be my privilege to work with you.
And what is it that we'd be doing exactly? Learning to, uh quiet the mind.
Mento has extraordinary psychic abilities.
He can teach you how to transcend the emotional obstacles that are preventing you from reshaping yourself.
That's your game, you read minds? I have a few other tricks up my sleeve, but, yes, I can read minds.
Well I'm sorry to have wasted your time, Mr.
Dayton, but I don't care to have some stranger gawking at my private thoughts.
[MENTO.]
As tempting as that might be, I give you my word as a gentleman, that I will not gawk at anything of yours without permission.
Starting now.
See? Not a single peek.
[MENTO.]
Rita? My God, it is you.
Steven.
What on earth are you doing here? I wish I knew.
You look fantastic.
Oh, please.
I'm a mess.
Not on your worst day, doll.
You always were a smooth talker.
It helped hide what a judgmental oaf you were.
I certainly had you fooled for a while.
I was at a low point.
Besides, that was then.
I've moved on.
So, there's no harm in us getting a drink together? Only to your liver.
Which I pray dies a slow, mournful death.
[MENTO CHUCKLES.]
I don't know why Mr.
Nobody sent you here, and I'm sorry to hear about Niles, but, um I'm afraid we can't help you.
Well, that's not a very super-heroic thing to say.
[JOSH.]
I'm not a superhero.
I'm an administrator.
And you and your friends have to leave.
[EXHALES.]
Was I supposed to be a student or a teacher? Pardon? Well, Niles was shipping me here for a reason, right? We had a few preliminary conversations, - but, uh, he wasn't very forthcoming.
- [CHUCKLES.]
Why'd you fob Larry off to ol' fire fingers back there? Like you didn't want me to ask her about Mr.
Nobody? That's none of your concern.
I have a room here.
Maybe it should be.
Perhaps when you officially move in, we could revisit the matter.
Yeah, sure.
I'll go.
Just as soon as you tell me everything you know about Mr.
Nobody.
These are our extracurricular classrooms.
Niles believes strongly in encouraging the creative, as well as the meta-human abilities.
You don't talk much, do you? Forgive me, but to be perfectly honest, I didn't wanna come here.
What was that? Did you see that? Forgive the students.
It's all my husband's fault, really.
He encourages their harmless prankery.
Oh, you and Josh are married? [LAUGHS.]
Goodness, no.
I'm married to Niles.
[GLASSES CLINK.]
That's one way to take the edge off.
Though the venue leaves something to be desired.
The most secure room in the building.
Due to all the things that go boom.
And this is the safest place to hide hooch from the teenagers.
You can't imagine the hijinks that these meta-kids can get up to.
Good for them.
You're only young once.
What is this horrid thing? That that belonged to Ultimax.
Leader of the Brotherhood of Evil.
And unfortunately, the brain escaped.
But he won't get up to much mischief without his helm.
These aren't confiscated weapons, they're trophies.
You brought me here for one reason, to show off.
Well, isn't that the peahen calling the peacock proud? No judgment here.
I'm just surprised that you'd still want to impress me.
Given the way things ended between us.
Maybe I'd just forgotten what a head-turner you are.
[RITA.]
I was a belly dancer, an SOE spy, the queen of Muscle Beach [CLEARS THROAT.]
I I used to be Rita Farr.
Star of stage and screen.
Now I don't know who I am.
A blank slate is the perfect place for you to start to rebuild yourself.
You just have to decide who it is you wanna be.
The same person I've always been Rita Farr.
Let's begin.
I want you to close your eyes.
Take a deep breath.
- In.
- [INHALES.]
- Then out.
- [EXHALES.]
- In.
- [INHALES.]
- And out.
- [EXHALES.]
Now open them.
What's happening? Mento? [MENTO.]
It's all right, you're perfectly safe.
Where am I? [MENTO.]
You are nowhere.
All that exists are you and your breath.
- Breathe in - [INHALES.]
- then out.
- [EXHALES.]
Good.
Now, repeat after me.
"The person who is breathing is me.
" The person who is breathing is me.
[MENTO.]
Again.
The person who is breathing is me.
The person who is breathing is me.
The person who is breathing is me.
The person who is breathing is me.
The person who is breathing is me.
[GASPS.]
This nonsense actually works! Oh! Good to know you'll be keeping an open mind.
You probably have strict psychic-patient rules about things like this.
- You're shaking.
- No.
It's just What do you think about wearing the helmet? Whatever did you have in mind, Ms.
Farr? - I'm not being kinky.
- [CHUCKLES.]
I'm scared, Steve of hurting you.
Something terrible happened once before.
If you wear the helmet, you can help me keep control of things.
You are in control of you.
I'll wear the helmet if you like.
But I know you don't need it.
Wait.
You sure? Not remotely.
Okay, son, let's get you rebooted.
You won't feel a thing.
Nighty-night.
[BEEPING.]
[BEEPING.]
[ELECTRICAL JOLT.]
All right.
Let's take a look at you.
Looks like none of your micro-servo units were damaged.
Consider yourself lucky.
You'd need a time machine to find replacements.
You really think my robo-guts are fucked, or do you just like shittin' on the Chief? Well, I don't believe the two are mutually exclusive.
Niles actually had me consult on your design.
But then, he refused to take a single suggestion.
Why? The man's a dinosaur.
He's terrified of anything that might threaten to make him or his ideas extinct.
What kind of stuff would you have done? Would I be more like Astro Boy over there? You would have been better.
[WHIRRING.]
How exactly did this happen? Vic was scant on the details.
Oh, it was pretty gnarly.
Vic was gonna blast Mr.
Nobody with his hand cannon and then everything stopped.
Next thing I knew, ka-blam! Everyone goes fucking flying.
I thought we were dead meat.
Vic? All kinds of fucked up.
He's bleeding.
His hand looked like Elmer Fudd's shotgun after Bugs Bunny stuck a cork in it, and then I mean, you know, now that I'm really thinking about it, it wasn't that bad.
He could have been killed.
And for what? Some puerile teenage rebellion? Hey, your robo-Boy Scout bugs the crap out of me, but even I gotta admit, what he did yesterday was noble as shit.
He put his ass on the line to save Chief.
Maybe you should give him a little credit instead of knocking him down all the time.
What the hell do you know about being a parent? Do you really have any idea what it's like to almost lose a child? Yeah, I got some idea, you arrogant fuck-knuckle.
And I got regrets.
What are you gonna have? [ARANI.]
It was a small ceremony, but it was beautiful.
I know it sounds cliché, but it was the happiest day of my life.
All my days have been happy since I met Niles.
Forgive me, but I've known Niles for almost six decades, and in all that time, he's never once mentioned a wife.
Niles and his secrets.
We were married for almost a year before he told me he had a daughter.
A daughter? It wasn't until we fought Mr.
Nobody that he really started opening up.
[RITA.]
You fought Mr.
Nobody? We wiped the floor with him.
Tell me everything.
The Mr.
Nobody fight was the last in the Doom Patrol's career.
Niles brought me in a bit later to oversee things here.
How it went down exactly [SCOFFS.]
That depends on who you ask.
[ARANI.]
It was Memorial Day weekend, the park was filled with families.
That's when Mr.
Nobody struck.
At first, it looked like an ordinary hot-air balloon, but as it got closer, people could see that it wasn't.
The balloon was shaped like a giant buttocks.
Instead of a basket attached to it, there was a jukebox.
[MENTO.]
And it played only one song "Hot Diggity" by Perry Como, and it played it over, and over, and over.
[ARANI.]
Within 20 minutes, everyone within an earshot went completely insane.
- ["HOT DIGGITY" PLAYING FROM JUKEBOX.]
- Oh, hot diggity, dog ziggity Boom what you do to me - [PEOPLE SCREAMING.]
- It's so new to me What you do to me Hot diggity, dog ziggity Boom what you do to me When you're Holding me tight The police arrived first, but Mr.
Nobody was ready for them.
[ARANI.]
The jukebox was equipped with a transformer ray that changed all the police officers into piñatas.
[MENTO.]
The crazed crowds tore them to pieces and then they ate the candy from the piñatas.
[ARANI.]
It was the most horrible thing that I've ever seen.
[MENTO.]
When we arrived, the jukebox split open and Mr.
Nobody leapt out followed by a hoard of vinyl warriors, their bodies composed of long-playing records.
Niles said that Mr.
Nobody was there for him, not us.
And he insisted on being the tip of our spear.
As the strongest member of the Doom Patrol, I led us into the fray.
Rhea and Arani got into a spot almost immediately.
Luckily, I was there to save them and destroy Mr.
Nobody in one fell swoop.
Mento was so frightened, he soiled his super-suit.
If Niles hadn't been there to destroy them all, along with Mr.
Nobody, I don't think any of us would have survived.
Uh-huh.
So, Niles rescued a team of superpeople from a supervillain? Without any superpowers? Why don't you ask him yourself? - Hello, darling, how was your day? - Arani, my jewel.
Mmm! - What a sight for sore eyes.
- [ARANI.]
Dinner's almost ready.
Fantastic! I'm famished.
How did you escape Mr.
Nobody, Niles? Mr.
Nobody? Oh, that little devil and his butt balloon were laid to waste ages ago.
Thanks to my beautiful wife, that is.
Oh, Niles.
[CHUCKLES.]
We've got Nobody's balloon here, somewhere.
It's really quite a sight to see.
I'm sure it was a terrific battle, Steven, but I'm afraid it was only the first time Mr.
Nobody came after Niles.
He came back.
Impossible.
We KO'd that idiot.
Well, I don't know what to tell you, except that he's back, and he's taken Niles.
[WHIRRING.]
- What's happening? - You're lying.
You couldn't let me have this, could you? What on earth are you going on about? You came all the way down here just to ruin me.
Take my wins away, all the good work that I've done.
- That's not true.
- Please.
We both know you're capable of anything.
[BABY CRYING.]
[WOMAN CRYING.]
Marybeth? I didn't say no.
I was too scared to say anything at all.
Don't! - [SLICES.]
- No! No.
No.
No.
No.
No.
No.
No, no, no, no, no.
No.
No.
No.
No.
No! [SCREAMING.]
What the ever-loving fuck? It's Mento.
He's going to his dark place.
If we don't do something fast, he's gonna take us with him.
[BANGING AT DOOR.]
Rhea.
They're starting to lose control of their powers.
You stay here, okay? - Wait.
What about the students? - There aren't any.
There never were.
[NILES.]
Hello, Joshua.
Niles, thank God.
We have to move.
- Mento has had another break.
- Forget him.
And the others.
You and I have more work to do.
[JOSH.]
No.
Come now, Joshua.
You've done good work here.
But you and I both know where your talents truly lie.
I can't.
I told you never again.
[LAUGHS MANICALLY.]
[PUZZLE PIECES DROPPING.]
[WHIMPERS.]
[PUZZLE PIECES DROPPING.]
[MAN.]
Sweet sweet, sweet baby.
Please don't keep me waiting.
[BEE BUZZING.]
Arani, I really think you need to have a talk with your students.
Arani? He's run off again.
Who? Niles? Look what you did! - Oh, no, no.
- Look what you did! [WHOOSHING.]
[PANTING.]
[EXPLOSIONS.]
[MAN.]
Sweet, sweet baby.
Sweet, sweet baby.
Come join me! Sweet, sweet baby.
Come join me! Okay, this is gonna be okay.
We just happen to be in The Shining.
Which is fine.
Shelley Duvall and the kid got out, and so will we.
Captain Trainor, you and I know there is no getting out.
Once a soldier, always a soldier.
Now, are you and your partner ready to continue our mission? This isn't happening.
This isn't happening! [RITA.]
I am so sorry.
I didn't mean for this to happen.
Oh, Rita, let's be honest, you've been grinding this ax for 60 years.
You're doing this.
Looks pretty real to me.
[MARYBETH LAUGHING.]
You sick son of a bitch! Now, darling, we both know you started it.
I envy you, sir.
You get to make the world safe for democracy single-handedly.
Well, almost single-handedly.
- [ELECTRICITY CRACKLES.]
- [GROANS.]
Where is that bastard? [ELECTRICAL STATIC.]
[CRYING.]
[JOSH.]
This is your room.
[JOSH.]
It wasn't always like this.
Niles formed the Doom Patrol back in the day as part of a government program.
He selected their missions and One of which inadvertently put them on Mr.
Nobody's radar.
So they really did fight him? Yeah, but they lost.
Big time.
Mr.
Nobody got into their heads, preyed on their fears and weaknesses.
One by one, they all turned on each other.
They were never the same after that.
Their minds and bodies started to deteriorate.
They'd become frightened and confused easily, and they would lash out with their powers.
They became a danger to themselves, and to others.
So, this was never a school? It was, uh a safe place for these folks to To rest.
I was able to stabilize Mento's moods with medication.
It was Niles's idea to modify his helmet, to try to keep him calm with an immersive group delusion.
Mento hadn't made a peep in 50 years.
Until today.
So, you're like what, their babysitter? Physician, actually.
I'm also a meta-human.
I don't like to use my powers, but they're pretty good to have around here.
Just in case.
Arani said she's married to Niles.
- Is that - All part of the fantasy.
None of you should feel bad about what you may have seen.
That was just Mento lashing out with his powers.
Using your biggest fears against you, like Mr.
Nobody did to him, and to the others.
Now, I think it's best if If you all leave.
What about Arani and Rhea? This is what their realities are like.
[ARANI CRYING.]
Don't leave me.
[JOSH.]
Torturing themselves with ghosts from their past.
[RITA.]
But you can fix it, right? I don't know.
[ARANI CRYING.]
Please, Niles May I try? [POWERING UP, BEEPING.]
Whoa, whoa.
Take it easy, son.
Give yourself a minute.
Am I okay? Everything looks fine.
So, I'll be heading back.
You gonna pack my bags too? Not unless you're planning to come back with me.
But if you would prefer to be here, I think you should stay.
Incidentally, I, uh enabled your privacy mode.
For real this time.
I won't be listening in anymore.
I promise.
Am I awake? Or are snakes gonna start pouring out of your face? You've been telling me you're ready to be your own man.
I think it's time I start listening.
Wait.
What's wrong? How could you? What are you talking about? Marybeth? That poor girl.
You read my mind.
[SOBS.]
Without my permission.
Don't you dare judge me.
Not after what you've done.
I'm just sorry I didn't do it sooner.
[RITA.]
A long time ago, you taught me I was my own biggest obstacle, that I could decide who I wanted to be.
For the last 60 years, I decided that Rita Farr was someone who deserved to be punished.
I haven't changed my mind about that.
Rita Farr is empty and ugly.
And small.
And I don't wanna be those things anymore.
I don't wanna be Rita Farr anymore.
Without her, I don't know who I am.
All I know is I don't want to end up like you.
Or Arani, or Rhea.
And, who knows.
Maybe if I stop trying to forget the things that haunt me, and actually face them, maybe Mr.
Nobody won't hold so much power over me.
I owe you for that.
And I forgive you.
Goodbye, Steve Dayton.
How often does he come see them? For real.
Niles? Not very.
[SIGHS.]
So he just abandoned them? Like broken toys? Why would he send me here? I'm not broken.
He never treated me like I was broken.
Why would he wanna abandon me too? I think this is something for you to discuss with Niles directly.
How the fuck am I supposed to do that? - He's missing.
- Then keep looking.
'Cause I think that's what Mr.
Nobody really wants is for you to give up.
That's why he sent you here.
See what happens to those who cross him.
Good luck to you, Jane, and For God sakes, you be careful.
[WHIMPERS.]
No offense, but your dad's a real bite in the ass.
Here.
You hacked it.
I created a profile for you, sent her a friend request.
- She accepted it? - She did.
Only, um she doesn't know it.
Congratulations.
You're officially catfishing your daughter.
Is this because I stuck up for you with your pops? - You did? - [STAMMERS.]
A little.
I just thought that you should have the chance to get to know your daughter.
Maybe it's better for both of you if you done it from afar.
[CLANK.]
Been far too long since we took some publicity photos.
Folks are gonna start to forget what the Doom Patrol means.
[BEEPING.]
[SIGHS.]
[MAN.]
Captain Trainor, are you and your partner ready to continue our mission? I know.
I don't wanna think about it either.
[GROANS.]
[SIGHS.]
What the fuck? "Me and Dad"? What the hell is she doing with Bump? Bump.
Bump.
Bump.
Bump.
Bump Bump! Bump! Bump! Bump! Bump! Bump! Bump! Bump! Bump! - [SCREAMS.]
- [BANG.]
Previously on Doom Patrol Who wants pancakes? - Cliff! - [SCREAMS.]
[CLIFF.]
You told me my daughter was dead! - I was trying to protect you.
- By lying? Paraguay was an eye-opener.
All that carnage.
Cliff, you're a fucking monster.
It's not your fault, Elliot.
You should've let me die.
I went with my gut, and my gut says you deserve a break.
[LAUGHS.]
- Shit! Shit.
- [CLIFF.]
What is that? Don't! No, it's an emergency trigger! - No, no, no.
Don't! - What? - If you press it, my dad - It'll send an SOS.
This is for your own good.
- [BEEPING.]
- Grid.
Stop, no.
[MR.
NOBODY.]
I have one more task for you.
What the fuck is the Doom Patrol? [TYPEWRITER TYPING.]
Shit.
[SIGHS.]
Ms.
Farr, Mr.
Bloom will see you now.
That only took an hour and a half.
There she is.
[CHUCKLES.]
Come here, gorgeous.
[EXCLAIMS.]
Oh.
What can my girl get you? Coffee? Tea? - Anything at all? - I'm fine, Sydney.
Thank you.
That's all, hon.
Sit.
[SIGHS.]
So, how are you, kiddo? I'm hungry, Syd.
I want the love-interest role in your new wrestling picture.
You know I'd be perfect for it.
Boy, you just get right to it, don't you? Some girls may need to play little games.
I'm a woman.
I know what I want, and I'm not afraid to say it.
So I've heard.
Scoop around town is you're nothing but trouble.
Moody, abusive, and there's not a makeup girl in the burg who'll touch you.
Besides, the director has his heart set on Mary Lacy.
- Moon-eyed Mary? Please.
- [CHUCKLES.]
You need a hit bad, Syd, and I need a job.
So what do you say we help each other out, hmm? You wanna talk turkey? You don't need help.
What you need is a miracle.
Because the name "Rita Farr" hasn't put a butt in the seat in a dog's age.
Concrete shines brighter than your star My sweet.
Hmm.
[GASPS, CHUCKLES.]
Attagirl.
Show me how hungry you are.
[RITA.]
Hmm.
[SMOOCHING.]
[SPLASH.]
[TYPING.]
[SUFFOCATING.]
[SYD MOANING.]
[TYPEWRITER CLICKS, RESETS.]
Syd? Syd? [GASPS.]
Uh - [KNOCK ON DOOR.]
- Mr.
Bloom? The bastard had a heart attack.
You were never here.
Get it? Go.
[EXHALES.]
[SIGHS.]
I don't think he's coming back.
[CLIFF TYPING.]
"This user's profile is only viewable by friends.
" What about her fucking father? [LAPTOP THUDS.]
Jane? I made you some, "We kicked the apocalypse's ass" sandwiches.
Hi.
I was wondering, if you're not busy or anything I'm trying to look at my kid's online thing, and I could use some help.
I made 'em just the way Baby Doll likes [SHUTS DOOR.]
Does that mean you're still mad at me? Hello? I'm not cleaning this shit up.
Fine, I'll do it! But just this fucking once.
You hear me, Jane? Jane! Fuck! [BABY DOLL ON TV.]
No! No! N-O.
N-O.
I don't want you to go.
[NILES.]
It's only for a few days, Baby Doll.
[BABY DOLL.]
It's seven.
Seven is a whole week! You'll miss pancake day.
But what if I promise to have pancakes at 9:00 a.
m.
tomorrow, and think of you.
And you have pancakes at the same time and think of me, hmm? No.
No, you're trying to trick me.
It won't be the same.
You're telling me.
For once, I'm going to be able to enjoy my breakfast without a certain little piggy [OINKS LIKE A PIG.]
Snarfing up all the syrup.
- [NILES.]
Mmm? - [BOTH LAUGHING.]
But what if you start liking your new friends more than you like me? That's impossible.
For one thing, they have a hopelessly silly name.
"The Doom Patrol.
" - I mean, really.
Come on.
- [BABY DOLL GIGGLES.]
[NILES.]
And for another, they don't like pancakes.
[FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING.]
You gonna try and glue 'em back on? No need.
Fucking A.
Guess it was a good day to be a robot boy.
Am I right? How do I see my kid's Facehole? Create a profile, send her a friend request, and wait for her not to accept it.
I was thinking you could stick a cyber finger in it, jiggle the handle, and unlock it for me.
First of all, none of what you just said makes sense.
And if you're asking me to hack into it for you No! I saved your life, and you can't do this one lousy thing for me? Actually, you put me in safety mode when you pushed my reset button.
And now my cyber fingers won't jiggle unless my dad turns it off.
You're locked out of your own brain? That's fucked up.
I thought I was fucked up.
[LAUGHING.]
Hey, Siri, what's the Doom Patrol? Will you please stop doing that? His shit's busted right now, Jane.
"Doom Patrol"? Never heard of them.
Why do you ask? Mr.
Nobody kind of asked me to find them.
How come you're helping her with her thing, but not mine? Feel free to take it personally.
Here we go.
Okay, Doom Patrol.
A minor superhero team active from the early to late '50s.
And then they just dropped off the scene.
They're so smiley.
Look more like a creepy sex cult than superheroes.
What happened to them? - [VIC.]
Doesn't say.
- Two words tracksuits, and Kool-Aid.
Why are you looking at pictures of the Doom Patrol? You've heard of them? If you must know, I had a brief love affair with Mento.
Mento.
Steve Dayton? The fifth richest man in America in 1955.
The guy with the salad spinner on his head? [RITA.]
It's a psionic amplifier.
It enhances his natural psychic abilities.
Our liaison ended poorly and I don't wish to speak of it.
No one cares.
Start talking.
Well, I never met the others.
Niles only introduced me to Steve.
[LARRY.]
How did Niles know him? I have no idea.
Did you ever ask this dude anything about himself? Anything at all? It was a very introspective time in my life.
Do you have any idea why Mr.
Nobody would point us in the direction of Doom Patrol? Mr.
Nobody wants you to find them.
And you're doing it.
You got a problem with that? What, with you doing precisely what the bad guy told you to do? No.
Why would we have a problem with that? I didn't hear you complaining when he helped us stop the Decreator.
By all means, let's trust the degenerate who kidnapped Niles and shoved an entire town up a donkey's ass.
Yeah.
Unfortunately, I don't give a fuck what you think.
We're got nothing else to go on right now.
You're my in and you're my backup.
So shut your assholes because we're doing this.
Please, God, don't let me puke in my bandages.
What? - Where - We're here.
Jane, I want no part of this nonsense.
Have Flit take me back this instant.
Hang on, let me tell her.
Uh-huh? Uh-huh? Yeah, Flit says to fuck yourself in the face.
We're not leaving here till we find the Doom Patrol.
[WHOOSHING.]
Hey.
Hey, you guys are [WHOOSHING.]
Trust me, when I tell you ladies you do not wanna fuck with me.
Remember, it's always better to subdue your opponent if you can.
What is this shit? A fucked-up Rushmore? [THUD.]
[MUFFLED SPEECH.]
Deadly force should be your last resort.
[SCREAMS.]
Okay Okay, kids! You guys wanna see what your teachers look like on the inside? [JOSH.]
Jane.
Where is Niles? I was just gonna ask you the same goddamn thing.
[SILAS.]
Magnificent.
How long did it take? Didn't think to time it.
Sorry.
My arm cannon overheated.
What I wanna know is why you deployed it in the first place.
To get Niles back.
The man who took him, Mr.
Nobody, he was right here.
[TOOLS CLAMORING.]
I'm sorry, who? Mr.
Nobody.
He's a member of the Brotherhood of Evil.
He's bad news, Pops.
He should be on the JLA watchlist or something.
The JLA doesn't tend to overlook the credible threats.
If he mattered, they'd know him.
You don't care if Niles lives or dies, do you? He's your friend.
We haven't been friends for ages.
So what, that makes him your enemy? This is none of your concern, Vic.
Now, suffice it to say, when you mix in with weirdos, and pseudo-scientists, you reap the consequences.
Enough about all that.
We should get started.
How long is this thing gonna take? Depending on the damage, three hours at the most.
But don't worry, you'll be in sleep mode.
What? You won't feel a thing.
It'll be just like taking a nap.
No, no, no.
I gotta be awake for this.
I gotta see how this thing works.
Victor, do you want me to reboot you or not? - How big was that explosion? - Not very.
Why? [ANCHORWOMAN.]
This week's "Stupid Criminal" spotlight is on Steve Larson, also known as Animal Vegetable Mineral Man.
He was attacked by his secondary dinosaur head during a robbery gone wrong.
Let's take a look.
Open the register! Now! Now! - Ow! God damn it! Stop! [SCREAMING.]
- [DINOSAUR GROWLING.]
Stop! Not the face! Not the face! - [SCREAMING.]
Ow! Ow! - [THUD.]
What a tit.
[ANCHORWOMAN.]
Larson was charged with armed robbery.
His dinosaur, with aiding and a-biting.
What? Is one of your fucking fingers inside me? You really gotta phrase it that way, huh? Get the fuck out! It appears that Niles Caulder's indestructible man Isn't.
I think I have a blowtorch and some chewin' tobacco in the car.
Fix you right up.
[CHUCKLES.]
The hell's that supposed to mean? Okay, look.
My dad's gonna power me down when he runs the diagnostics, you cannot leave me alone with him.
Why? What's he gonna do? I don't know.
That's the point.
Look, I need you to watch what he does, and tell me after, okay? Sure.
I can help you out with that.
Thank you.
But you gotta help me out with Clara's Facehole.
[SCOFFS.]
Please, Cliff.
All right.
Have a nice snooze, buddy.
[SIGHS.]
The Chief started this place? When? [JOSH.]
After the Doom Patrol retired.
This was their headquarters.
It was Niles's idea to turn it into a school for meta-humans.
Mento, Rhea, and Arani, they all agreed to stay on.
As teachers.
How did Niles get involved with superheroes? Niles never said.
You know he has his secrets.
You said your name was Josh Clay.
Have we met before? No.
I don't believe so.
[LARRY.]
Were you in the military? Briefly.
So Niles kept his shit tight, - but he told you about me.
- Yeah.
You could say that.
What? This is your room.
What? Isn't that why you're here? Niles didn't send you? Niles is missing.
[LARRY.]
"Taken" would be more accurate.
By who? Some ass-bag named Mr.
Nobody.
[WOMAN.]
Mr.
Nobody? Who has he taken? - You know this Nobody freak? - Jane.
You and I should talk.
Arani, would you mind showing Larry around? I don't wanna put anybody out.
No, no, no.
Enjoy the tour, LT.
Take pictures.
[KIDS CHATTERING.]
[CROW CAWING.]
[CLEARS THROAT.]
[SIGHS.]
The thing about me is, once I set my mind to a task, I excel at it.
When I played Jules Niagara in Three Sabres to Saskatchewan, I learned the Dance of the Seven Veils in less than a day.
It's a very complicated number, Niles.
It is, yes.
I've seen it.
So, the fact that I can't seem to keep myself together by now doesn't give me much hope that a stranger can help me.
Well, I certainly understand how you feel.
And I agree, you are an exceptional woman, but it's only been a month.
And we are in uncharted territory.
Do you know how long a month is in Hollywood? Every second that passes, my name gets colder and colder.
If I don't nip this business in the bud soon, I may well be stuck here forever.
No offense.
No, this is a safe place.
That is what you make of it.
Isn't there a vitamin shot I could take instead? Dr.
Kurtz, he will prescribe you anything you ask for.
Anything at all.
Maybe we should call him.
You and I both know, Rita, whatever's going on with you goes deeper than that.
I believe your issue is as much psychological, as it is physiological.
And this Mento aside from being fantastically rich, is a doctor? Not exactly.
No.
- [KNOCKING AT DOOR.]
- Ah! - [MENTO.]
Am I late? - [NILES.]
No.
Right on time.
Steve Dayton, I'd like you to meet Rita Farr.
It's a pleasure, Ms.
Farr.
Niles, I don't think I'm comfortable with this.
This may be hard to believe, but when Niles first found me, I looked like the creature from your last film.
After Mick Manly had killed him.
You're familiar with my work? Who isn't? You're Rita Farr.
It would be my privilege to work with you.
And what is it that we'd be doing exactly? Learning to, uh quiet the mind.
Mento has extraordinary psychic abilities.
He can teach you how to transcend the emotional obstacles that are preventing you from reshaping yourself.
That's your game, you read minds? I have a few other tricks up my sleeve, but, yes, I can read minds.
Well I'm sorry to have wasted your time, Mr.
Dayton, but I don't care to have some stranger gawking at my private thoughts.
[MENTO.]
As tempting as that might be, I give you my word as a gentleman, that I will not gawk at anything of yours without permission.
Starting now.
See? Not a single peek.
[MENTO.]
Rita? My God, it is you.
Steven.
What on earth are you doing here? I wish I knew.
You look fantastic.
Oh, please.
I'm a mess.
Not on your worst day, doll.
You always were a smooth talker.
It helped hide what a judgmental oaf you were.
I certainly had you fooled for a while.
I was at a low point.
Besides, that was then.
I've moved on.
So, there's no harm in us getting a drink together? Only to your liver.
Which I pray dies a slow, mournful death.
[MENTO CHUCKLES.]
I don't know why Mr.
Nobody sent you here, and I'm sorry to hear about Niles, but, um I'm afraid we can't help you.
Well, that's not a very super-heroic thing to say.
[JOSH.]
I'm not a superhero.
I'm an administrator.
And you and your friends have to leave.
[EXHALES.]
Was I supposed to be a student or a teacher? Pardon? Well, Niles was shipping me here for a reason, right? We had a few preliminary conversations, - but, uh, he wasn't very forthcoming.
- [CHUCKLES.]
Why'd you fob Larry off to ol' fire fingers back there? Like you didn't want me to ask her about Mr.
Nobody? That's none of your concern.
I have a room here.
Maybe it should be.
Perhaps when you officially move in, we could revisit the matter.
Yeah, sure.
I'll go.
Just as soon as you tell me everything you know about Mr.
Nobody.
These are our extracurricular classrooms.
Niles believes strongly in encouraging the creative, as well as the meta-human abilities.
You don't talk much, do you? Forgive me, but to be perfectly honest, I didn't wanna come here.
What was that? Did you see that? Forgive the students.
It's all my husband's fault, really.
He encourages their harmless prankery.
Oh, you and Josh are married? [LAUGHS.]
Goodness, no.
I'm married to Niles.
[GLASSES CLINK.]
That's one way to take the edge off.
Though the venue leaves something to be desired.
The most secure room in the building.
Due to all the things that go boom.
And this is the safest place to hide hooch from the teenagers.
You can't imagine the hijinks that these meta-kids can get up to.
Good for them.
You're only young once.
What is this horrid thing? That that belonged to Ultimax.
Leader of the Brotherhood of Evil.
And unfortunately, the brain escaped.
But he won't get up to much mischief without his helm.
These aren't confiscated weapons, they're trophies.
You brought me here for one reason, to show off.
Well, isn't that the peahen calling the peacock proud? No judgment here.
I'm just surprised that you'd still want to impress me.
Given the way things ended between us.
Maybe I'd just forgotten what a head-turner you are.
[RITA.]
I was a belly dancer, an SOE spy, the queen of Muscle Beach [CLEARS THROAT.]
I I used to be Rita Farr.
Star of stage and screen.
Now I don't know who I am.
A blank slate is the perfect place for you to start to rebuild yourself.
You just have to decide who it is you wanna be.
The same person I've always been Rita Farr.
Let's begin.
I want you to close your eyes.
Take a deep breath.
- In.
- [INHALES.]
- Then out.
- [EXHALES.]
- In.
- [INHALES.]
- And out.
- [EXHALES.]
Now open them.
What's happening? Mento? [MENTO.]
It's all right, you're perfectly safe.
Where am I? [MENTO.]
You are nowhere.
All that exists are you and your breath.
- Breathe in - [INHALES.]
- then out.
- [EXHALES.]
Good.
Now, repeat after me.
"The person who is breathing is me.
" The person who is breathing is me.
[MENTO.]
Again.
The person who is breathing is me.
The person who is breathing is me.
The person who is breathing is me.
The person who is breathing is me.
The person who is breathing is me.
[GASPS.]
This nonsense actually works! Oh! Good to know you'll be keeping an open mind.
You probably have strict psychic-patient rules about things like this.
- You're shaking.
- No.
It's just What do you think about wearing the helmet? Whatever did you have in mind, Ms.
Farr? - I'm not being kinky.
- [CHUCKLES.]
I'm scared, Steve of hurting you.
Something terrible happened once before.
If you wear the helmet, you can help me keep control of things.
You are in control of you.
I'll wear the helmet if you like.
But I know you don't need it.
Wait.
You sure? Not remotely.
Okay, son, let's get you rebooted.
You won't feel a thing.
Nighty-night.
[BEEPING.]
[BEEPING.]
[ELECTRICAL JOLT.]
All right.
Let's take a look at you.
Looks like none of your micro-servo units were damaged.
Consider yourself lucky.
You'd need a time machine to find replacements.
You really think my robo-guts are fucked, or do you just like shittin' on the Chief? Well, I don't believe the two are mutually exclusive.
Niles actually had me consult on your design.
But then, he refused to take a single suggestion.
Why? The man's a dinosaur.
He's terrified of anything that might threaten to make him or his ideas extinct.
What kind of stuff would you have done? Would I be more like Astro Boy over there? You would have been better.
[WHIRRING.]
How exactly did this happen? Vic was scant on the details.
Oh, it was pretty gnarly.
Vic was gonna blast Mr.
Nobody with his hand cannon and then everything stopped.
Next thing I knew, ka-blam! Everyone goes fucking flying.
I thought we were dead meat.
Vic? All kinds of fucked up.
He's bleeding.
His hand looked like Elmer Fudd's shotgun after Bugs Bunny stuck a cork in it, and then I mean, you know, now that I'm really thinking about it, it wasn't that bad.
He could have been killed.
And for what? Some puerile teenage rebellion? Hey, your robo-Boy Scout bugs the crap out of me, but even I gotta admit, what he did yesterday was noble as shit.
He put his ass on the line to save Chief.
Maybe you should give him a little credit instead of knocking him down all the time.
What the hell do you know about being a parent? Do you really have any idea what it's like to almost lose a child? Yeah, I got some idea, you arrogant fuck-knuckle.
And I got regrets.
What are you gonna have? [ARANI.]
It was a small ceremony, but it was beautiful.
I know it sounds cliché, but it was the happiest day of my life.
All my days have been happy since I met Niles.
Forgive me, but I've known Niles for almost six decades, and in all that time, he's never once mentioned a wife.
Niles and his secrets.
We were married for almost a year before he told me he had a daughter.
A daughter? It wasn't until we fought Mr.
Nobody that he really started opening up.
[RITA.]
You fought Mr.
Nobody? We wiped the floor with him.
Tell me everything.
The Mr.
Nobody fight was the last in the Doom Patrol's career.
Niles brought me in a bit later to oversee things here.
How it went down exactly [SCOFFS.]
That depends on who you ask.
[ARANI.]
It was Memorial Day weekend, the park was filled with families.
That's when Mr.
Nobody struck.
At first, it looked like an ordinary hot-air balloon, but as it got closer, people could see that it wasn't.
The balloon was shaped like a giant buttocks.
Instead of a basket attached to it, there was a jukebox.
[MENTO.]
And it played only one song "Hot Diggity" by Perry Como, and it played it over, and over, and over.
[ARANI.]
Within 20 minutes, everyone within an earshot went completely insane.
- ["HOT DIGGITY" PLAYING FROM JUKEBOX.]
- Oh, hot diggity, dog ziggity Boom what you do to me - [PEOPLE SCREAMING.]
- It's so new to me What you do to me Hot diggity, dog ziggity Boom what you do to me When you're Holding me tight The police arrived first, but Mr.
Nobody was ready for them.
[ARANI.]
The jukebox was equipped with a transformer ray that changed all the police officers into piñatas.
[MENTO.]
The crazed crowds tore them to pieces and then they ate the candy from the piñatas.
[ARANI.]
It was the most horrible thing that I've ever seen.
[MENTO.]
When we arrived, the jukebox split open and Mr.
Nobody leapt out followed by a hoard of vinyl warriors, their bodies composed of long-playing records.
Niles said that Mr.
Nobody was there for him, not us.
And he insisted on being the tip of our spear.
As the strongest member of the Doom Patrol, I led us into the fray.
Rhea and Arani got into a spot almost immediately.
Luckily, I was there to save them and destroy Mr.
Nobody in one fell swoop.
Mento was so frightened, he soiled his super-suit.
If Niles hadn't been there to destroy them all, along with Mr.
Nobody, I don't think any of us would have survived.
Uh-huh.
So, Niles rescued a team of superpeople from a supervillain? Without any superpowers? Why don't you ask him yourself? - Hello, darling, how was your day? - Arani, my jewel.
Mmm! - What a sight for sore eyes.
- [ARANI.]
Dinner's almost ready.
Fantastic! I'm famished.
How did you escape Mr.
Nobody, Niles? Mr.
Nobody? Oh, that little devil and his butt balloon were laid to waste ages ago.
Thanks to my beautiful wife, that is.
Oh, Niles.
[CHUCKLES.]
We've got Nobody's balloon here, somewhere.
It's really quite a sight to see.
I'm sure it was a terrific battle, Steven, but I'm afraid it was only the first time Mr.
Nobody came after Niles.
He came back.
Impossible.
We KO'd that idiot.
Well, I don't know what to tell you, except that he's back, and he's taken Niles.
[WHIRRING.]
- What's happening? - You're lying.
You couldn't let me have this, could you? What on earth are you going on about? You came all the way down here just to ruin me.
Take my wins away, all the good work that I've done.
- That's not true.
- Please.
We both know you're capable of anything.
[BABY CRYING.]
[WOMAN CRYING.]
Marybeth? I didn't say no.
I was too scared to say anything at all.
Don't! - [SLICES.]
- No! No.
No.
No.
No.
No.
No.
No, no, no, no, no.
No.
No.
No.
No.
No! [SCREAMING.]
What the ever-loving fuck? It's Mento.
He's going to his dark place.
If we don't do something fast, he's gonna take us with him.
[BANGING AT DOOR.]
Rhea.
They're starting to lose control of their powers.
You stay here, okay? - Wait.
What about the students? - There aren't any.
There never were.
[NILES.]
Hello, Joshua.
Niles, thank God.
We have to move.
- Mento has had another break.
- Forget him.
And the others.
You and I have more work to do.
[JOSH.]
No.
Come now, Joshua.
You've done good work here.
But you and I both know where your talents truly lie.
I can't.
I told you never again.
[LAUGHS MANICALLY.]
[PUZZLE PIECES DROPPING.]
[WHIMPERS.]
[PUZZLE PIECES DROPPING.]
[MAN.]
Sweet sweet, sweet baby.
Please don't keep me waiting.
[BEE BUZZING.]
Arani, I really think you need to have a talk with your students.
Arani? He's run off again.
Who? Niles? Look what you did! - Oh, no, no.
- Look what you did! [WHOOSHING.]
[PANTING.]
[EXPLOSIONS.]
[MAN.]
Sweet, sweet baby.
Sweet, sweet baby.
Come join me! Sweet, sweet baby.
Come join me! Okay, this is gonna be okay.
We just happen to be in The Shining.
Which is fine.
Shelley Duvall and the kid got out, and so will we.
Captain Trainor, you and I know there is no getting out.
Once a soldier, always a soldier.
Now, are you and your partner ready to continue our mission? This isn't happening.
This isn't happening! [RITA.]
I am so sorry.
I didn't mean for this to happen.
Oh, Rita, let's be honest, you've been grinding this ax for 60 years.
You're doing this.
Looks pretty real to me.
[MARYBETH LAUGHING.]
You sick son of a bitch! Now, darling, we both know you started it.
I envy you, sir.
You get to make the world safe for democracy single-handedly.
Well, almost single-handedly.
- [ELECTRICITY CRACKLES.]
- [GROANS.]
Where is that bastard? [ELECTRICAL STATIC.]
[CRYING.]
[JOSH.]
This is your room.
[JOSH.]
It wasn't always like this.
Niles formed the Doom Patrol back in the day as part of a government program.
He selected their missions and One of which inadvertently put them on Mr.
Nobody's radar.
So they really did fight him? Yeah, but they lost.
Big time.
Mr.
Nobody got into their heads, preyed on their fears and weaknesses.
One by one, they all turned on each other.
They were never the same after that.
Their minds and bodies started to deteriorate.
They'd become frightened and confused easily, and they would lash out with their powers.
They became a danger to themselves, and to others.
So, this was never a school? It was, uh a safe place for these folks to To rest.
I was able to stabilize Mento's moods with medication.
It was Niles's idea to modify his helmet, to try to keep him calm with an immersive group delusion.
Mento hadn't made a peep in 50 years.
Until today.
So, you're like what, their babysitter? Physician, actually.
I'm also a meta-human.
I don't like to use my powers, but they're pretty good to have around here.
Just in case.
Arani said she's married to Niles.
- Is that - All part of the fantasy.
None of you should feel bad about what you may have seen.
That was just Mento lashing out with his powers.
Using your biggest fears against you, like Mr.
Nobody did to him, and to the others.
Now, I think it's best if If you all leave.
What about Arani and Rhea? This is what their realities are like.
[ARANI CRYING.]
Don't leave me.
[JOSH.]
Torturing themselves with ghosts from their past.
[RITA.]
But you can fix it, right? I don't know.
[ARANI CRYING.]
Please, Niles May I try? [POWERING UP, BEEPING.]
Whoa, whoa.
Take it easy, son.
Give yourself a minute.
Am I okay? Everything looks fine.
So, I'll be heading back.
You gonna pack my bags too? Not unless you're planning to come back with me.
But if you would prefer to be here, I think you should stay.
Incidentally, I, uh enabled your privacy mode.
For real this time.
I won't be listening in anymore.
I promise.
Am I awake? Or are snakes gonna start pouring out of your face? You've been telling me you're ready to be your own man.
I think it's time I start listening.
Wait.
What's wrong? How could you? What are you talking about? Marybeth? That poor girl.
You read my mind.
[SOBS.]
Without my permission.
Don't you dare judge me.
Not after what you've done.
I'm just sorry I didn't do it sooner.
[RITA.]
A long time ago, you taught me I was my own biggest obstacle, that I could decide who I wanted to be.
For the last 60 years, I decided that Rita Farr was someone who deserved to be punished.
I haven't changed my mind about that.
Rita Farr is empty and ugly.
And small.
And I don't wanna be those things anymore.
I don't wanna be Rita Farr anymore.
Without her, I don't know who I am.
All I know is I don't want to end up like you.
Or Arani, or Rhea.
And, who knows.
Maybe if I stop trying to forget the things that haunt me, and actually face them, maybe Mr.
Nobody won't hold so much power over me.
I owe you for that.
And I forgive you.
Goodbye, Steve Dayton.
How often does he come see them? For real.
Niles? Not very.
[SIGHS.]
So he just abandoned them? Like broken toys? Why would he send me here? I'm not broken.
He never treated me like I was broken.
Why would he wanna abandon me too? I think this is something for you to discuss with Niles directly.
How the fuck am I supposed to do that? - He's missing.
- Then keep looking.
'Cause I think that's what Mr.
Nobody really wants is for you to give up.
That's why he sent you here.
See what happens to those who cross him.
Good luck to you, Jane, and For God sakes, you be careful.
[WHIMPERS.]
No offense, but your dad's a real bite in the ass.
Here.
You hacked it.
I created a profile for you, sent her a friend request.
- She accepted it? - She did.
Only, um she doesn't know it.
Congratulations.
You're officially catfishing your daughter.
Is this because I stuck up for you with your pops? - You did? - [STAMMERS.]
A little.
I just thought that you should have the chance to get to know your daughter.
Maybe it's better for both of you if you done it from afar.
[CLANK.]
Been far too long since we took some publicity photos.
Folks are gonna start to forget what the Doom Patrol means.
[BEEPING.]
[SIGHS.]
[MAN.]
Captain Trainor, are you and your partner ready to continue our mission? I know.
I don't wanna think about it either.
[GROANS.]
[SIGHS.]
What the fuck? "Me and Dad"? What the hell is she doing with Bump? Bump.
Bump.
Bump.
Bump.
Bump Bump! Bump! Bump! Bump! Bump! Bump! Bump! Bump! Bump! - [SCREAMS.]
- [BANG.]