Ed, Edd n Eddy (1999) s01e06 Episode Script

1
WHOA!
[WHINNYING]
WHOA!
UGH!
ALL ABOARD!
OH GOOD-BYE!
[PANTING]
[PLAYING CALL TO THE POST]
NEXT STOP THE CANDY SHOP!
[PLAYING CALL TO THE POST]
WHOA! AAH!
HA HA HA!
ISN'T RIDING THE BUS FUN, PLANK?
HUH?
Eddy: OOH!
EASY THERE, BIG BOY.
WHOA! WHOA!
HEADS UP, EDDY!
HUH? OW! OW! OW! WHOA!
WHOA! WHOA!
HUH?
[SCREAMING]
Ed: WHOA!
ED, DO YOU THINK YOU
CAN SLOW DOWN A BIT?
OH! NO.
AAH!
HUH?
NOT GOOD.
RUNAWAY BUS!
WHOA!
EDDY!
WOMEN AND CHILDREN FIRST! OH!
OH
I'M AFRAID THIS
CONSTITUTES A REFUND.
[CAR HORN HONKING
AND TIRES SCREECHING]
HUH? HUH?
[CHILDREN SHOUTING]
HEY, WHAT ARE YOU
GUYS DOING UP THERE?
KNITTING SWEATERS, YOU MANIAC!
DOING?
HA HA! LOOK!
HMM!
THE MAIL'S HERE!
OH, BOY! MAIL!
IS IT FOR ME?
IT'S FOR ME!
HA HA HA!
BUT, EDDY A BOOK?
[RASPBERRY]
HEY!
IT'S MY NEW PSYCHOLOGY MANUAL.
HMM.
WHY DO YOU READ THA
MUMBO JUMBO STUFF?
IT COVERS THE LATEST TECHNIQUES
IN STUDYING ABNORMAL
HUMAN BEHAVIOR.
TELL ME THE FIRST THING
THAT COMES TO YOUR MIND.
MONEY! BOOK!
AND THIS?
CASH!
BUTTERED TOAST!
YOU'RE PSYCHOLOGICALLY NORMAL.
HOW IS BUTTERED TOAST NORMAL?
LET ME SEE! WHERE'S THE ANSWER?
HUH?
WHAT'S THIS?
BUTTERED TOAST!
THAT IS A HYPNOTIZING WHEEL.
ALLOW ME TO DEMONSTRATE.
ED, LISTEN TO MY VOICE.
YOU WILL BECOME WHA
YOU'VE ALWAYS DREAMED OF.
1, 2, 3!
AHH!
HA HA HA! HA HA HA!
HUH?
AHH!
WHOA! AAH!
AAH!
HA HA HA!
WHOA!
DOH! UGH!
STOP HIM, DOUBLE D!
HA HA HA!
AAH!
WHOA!
BACK TO ED, PLEASE!
OH UH OW! MY CALVES HURT.
I'VE WAITED ALL MY LIFE
FOR THIS OPPORTUNITY.
OH, DEAR.
LET'S GO HYPNOTIZE MORE PEOPLE!
BUT, EDDY, I DON'T THINK
THAT'S SUCH A GOOD IDEA.
HAVE I EVER STEERED YOU WRONG?
YES.
HA HA HA!
AHH OUR FIRST PIGEON.
Eddy: OH, KEVIN!
WHAT?
I JUST WANT YOU TO
LOOK AT SOMETHING.
OTHER THAN LOOKING AT A DORK?
HA HA! LOOK CLOSELY!
LISTEN TO THE SOUND OF MY VOICE.
YOU WILL BECOME WHAT I'VE
ALWAYS WANTED YOU TO BE.
UGH! OH!
YOUCH! AAH!
[HOOTING]
FIND THE PEANUT, KEVIN.
OH
AAH! GET HIM OFF
ME, EDDY! GET HIM OFF!
BINGO.
LOOK, SARAH!
[GROANING]
SARAH, PLANT THE AZALEAS
NEXT TO THE RHODODENDRONS.
OOH!
KEVIN, GET OFF JIMMY'S HEAD!
KEVIN IS A SLAVE TO MY POWERS!
HE IS OUR PET MONKEY.
GET HIM OUT OF THE GARDEN, ED!
WHOA!
[HOOTING]
AAH!
OH. AAH!
GET HIM OFF!
BEAT IT, EDDY!
AAH!
RIBBIT!
[EDDY LAUGHING]
RIBBIT!
INTRIGUING.
SO, JIMMY, WHA
DO YOU WANT TO BE?
COME ON, JIMMY.
HOW ABOUT A BIG MUSCLEMAN?
YEOW!
[FINGERS SNAP]
ARGH! GIVE ME SOMETHING TO BEND.
HMM.
ADVANCED HYPNOMORPHING.
EDDY! EDDY! EDDY! EDDY! EDDY!
YES, ED?
[GROANING]
[CRASH]
[HOOT]
MY PECS HURT.
[HOOTING]
EDDY, IF MY MOM SEES
SARAH EATING BUGS,
I'll BE IN BIG TROUBLE!
[FLY BUZZING]
EVERYBODY BACK TO NORMAL.
HUH?
YUCK!
Eddy: SEE YOU, FOLKS.
I'VE GOT OTHER FISH TO FRY.
[GASPING]
WHEE! HA HA!
HUH?
HELLO, JONNY.
HELLO, EDDY.
ENOUGH SMALL TALK.
IT'S HYPNOTIZING TIME! HA HA!
HUH?
HA HA HA!
I DON'T GET IT. WHAT'S
EDDY DOING, PLANK?
PLANK?!
WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?
PLANK IS A MINDLESS ZOMBIE!
NO!
HMM.
CAN I TRY? CAN I TRY? HUH?
EDDY? JUST ONCE?
ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT.
HA HA!
Ed: HIYA, ROLF!
HELLO, FELLOWS! CAN I SCRUB YOU?
DO YOU LIKE WHAT YOU SEE?
WHAT?
LOOK INTO THE CIRCLY THING.
YOU'RE CRAZY.
UH, IT'S NOT WORKING.
SPIN IT, BEANDIP.
UH, THANKS, EDDY!
WHEN I SNAP MY
FINGERS, YOU WILL BE A
UH, A GIANT MAN-EATING NOODLE.
[GROANING]
AAH!
WAAH!
NO, WAIT! YOU ARE
A BIG, HAIRY BAT.
[RUMBLING]
[SQUEALING]
HEY, COOL!
AAH! AAH!
Ed: TURN INTO A ZOMBIE!
AAH!
HUH?
[SHRIEKING]
AAH!
ROLF'S GOOD.
Ed: OK, OK!
MAYBE A SCARY,
FIRE-BREATHING LADY
ENOUGH! MAKE IT STOP!
UH, OK. BACK TO ROLF.
GIVE ME THAT.
AMATEUR!
HA HA!
[CHILDREN LAUGHING]
WHEE!
READY, DOUBLE D?
YES. YOU MAY PROCEED.
HELLO, FRIENDS.
All: HUH?
BEHOLD THE GREA
EDDYDINI! HA HA HA!
All: WHAT?
HA HA!
[BLEATING]
HA HA! THIS IS GREAT!
I COULD NEVER GET TIRED OF THIS!
OOH.
HA HA HA!
Ed: HELLO! ARGH!
ED.
MAKE YOURSELF USEFUL.
HERE, MONKEY! OK.
HMM.
AHH
OK, MY LITTLE FRIEND,
DO YOUR STUFF.
[HOOTING]
THE MIND IS AMAZING, HEY, ED?
AW, YOU'RE WELCOME.
[SCREECHING]
UGH!
HMM.
Lee: LOOK AT ME!
I'M A MOVIE STAR!
I'M A TV STAR!
YOU'VE BEEN CANCELED!
I'M A TV STAR!
AAH! AAH! AAH!
I WANT TO THANK THE ACADEMY.
[GROANING]
PREPARE TO BE MESMERATED!
NO WAY I'll BE MESMERATED.
I EAT MY ROUGHAGE.
OH, BUT YOU WILL!
JUST LOOK INTO UH
MOVE YOUR HAIR OUT OF YOUR EYES.
DON'T TOUCH MY HAIR, SQUIRT!
AAH! UGH!
WHAT'S THIS?
GIVE THAT BACK!
HA HA HA!
[LAUGHTER ECHOING]
AHH WATCH IT, MARIE.
OH, SHUT YOUR TRAP.
May: HEY!
I WAS SITTING THERE!
TIMES CHANGE.
[DOGS HOWLING]
LEE, GO TELL THOSE BLASTED
DOGS TO KEEP IT DOWN!
ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT.
[DOGS BARKING]
WOULD YOU DOGS SHUT UP?!
[EDDY AND EDD WHIMPERING]
[BARKING]
THAT'S BETTER.
KEEP IT THAT WAY.
[PANTING]
[GROWLING]
[WHIMPERING]
YUM, YUM, YUM!
CHUNKY PUFFS! CHUNKY PUFFS!
OOH, A PRIZE!
WHAT IS IT?
LOW IN FAT. COOL!
DON'T RACK YOUR BRAIN, ED.
HMM!
YOU GOT TO KNOW WHERE TO LOOK.
GIVE ME MY FAT!
OH, LOOK! NO FAT
BUT I GOT AN EDDY PRIZE.
YEAH? WELL, I GO
THE SUPER-STUFFED
MARSHMALLOW SURPRISE!
[CHOKING]
YOU SHOULD CHEW YOUR FOOD, ED.
ANY TIME YOU FEEL LIKE
LETTING ME GO THERE,
LUMPY, I'D REALLY UGH!
ALLOW ME TO POUR YOUR MILK.
I LOVE CHUNKY PUFFS!
UH!
I HATE CHUNKY MILK.
I KNOW WHERE WE
CAN GET NEW MILK!
[CHICKENS CLUCKING]
ARE YOU SURE ABOUT THIS, ED?
OH, YEAH. I SEEN
ROLF DO IT BEFORE.
IT'S EASY.
[KNOCK KNOCK]
HMM?
I'M NOT SURE THIS IS LEGAL.
SURE IT IS!
COWS ARE PUBLIC
PROPERTY, LIKE TREES.
SO HOW'S IT WORK?
UH, ROLF DID SOME
STUFF, AND MILK CAME OUT.
HOW HARD COULD IT BE?
AHH ANY MILK YET, ED?
NO, NOT YET, EDDY!
AAH! [MOO]
AAH! IT SAID SOMETHING!
YOUR TECHNIQUES
ARE INCORRECT, EDDY.
TO EXTRACT MILK FROM A
COW, YOU MUST USE ITS UDDER.
[CHICKEN CLUCKING]
I AIN'T TOUCHING THAT.
YOU FIRST, DOUBLE D.
OH, LOOK, MY SHOE'S UNTIED.
MINE, TOO!
GRACIOUS, ED! DON'
YOU HAVE ANY MANNERS?
HMM.
[GASP]
MAY I HAVE ANOTHER?
EDD!
COME ON, DORK! THROW IT OVER!
CERTAINLY, KEVIN. HERE IT COMES.
OH. UGH!
HUH?
[GROAN]
HA HA! YOU THROW
LIKE A TWO-YEAR-OLD.
YEAH, AND TWO-YEAR-OLDS
ARE NOT EVEN GOOD
AT STUFFING SAUSAGES.
HA HA HA! HA HA HA!
WELL, UM, MY
SKILLS AREN'T, UH
HE'LL SHOW YOU!
SHOW ME WHAT HIS
BUTTERFLY COLLECTION?
HA HA! YEAH, AND BUTTERFLIES
CANNOT STUFF SAUSAGES, EITHER.
HA HA! STOP WITH THE
SAUSAGE STUFF, ROLF.
YOU'RE KILLING ME.
Rolf: YOU'RE CRAZY.
DON'T LET HIM GE
AWAY WITH THAT.
BUT I DO HAVE QUITE AN EXTENSIVE
COLLECTION OF BUTTERFLIES.
WE NEED TO HELP YOU WITH
YOUR CONFIDENCE, DOUBLE D.
[LAUGHING]
HUH!
WHERE YOU GOING, DOUBLE D?
THE PUNCHING SOCK AWAITS.
LET'S SEE WHAT'S IN THOSE PUNY,
SKINNY STICKS YOU CALL ARMS.
I'M NOT REALLY
COMFORTABLE WITH THIS, EDDY.
GO ON, WHACK IT!
UH OW!
EDDY, TRAINING IS PAINFUL.
YOU'RE JUST STARTING TO
FEEL THE BURN, DOUBLE D.
YEAH, YOU BETTER GE
SOME OINTMENT, DOUBLE DORK.
HA HA! HEY, ROLF! INCOMING!
FORGET HIM! YOUR
BRITTLE BONES WILL BE
AS STRONG AS STEEL AFTER THIS.
I COULD JUST INCREASE
MY CALCIUM INTAKE TO
AW, COME ON! ALL
YOU GOT TO DO IS RUN.
HMM.
YEOW!
HA HA HA!
OH, MY RIBS!
HA HA HA!
SAUSAGE AND RIBS, YES?
FORGET THEM. THIS
ONE WILL BE EASY.
OH GO FOR IT, SOCKHEAD!
[GROAN]
HA HA HA! HA HA HA!
OH, LET'S QUIT NOW.
THIS IS EMBARRASSING.
YOU CAN'T QUIT. WE'RE
JUST WARMING UP.
WHEN I'M DONE WITH YOU,
YOU'LL BE THE NEX
CHARLES CUTLASS SUPREME.
BUT, EDDY, MUSCLE EXPANDITURE
CAN CAUSE UNSIGHTLY
STRETCH MARKS.
YOUR BRAIN'S THE ONLY
THING WITH STRETCH MARKS.
LIFT!
UH, I REALLY DON'T THINK I CAN.
[GRUNTING]
HYAH!
LOOK!
OH!
GOOD JOB, DOUBLE D!
[LAUGHTER]
OH [SNIFFLING]
HMM.
THIS IS HARDER THAN I THOUGHT.
THIS WILL PROVE TO EVERYONE
THAT DOUBLE D's A CHAMP!
LOOK OUT, EDDY! HA HA!
BINGO.
EVERYTHING'S SE
UP. GET OUT OF THERE.
EDDY, WRESTLING? PLEASE.
HMM. COME ON, DOUBLE D.
WRESTLING IS THE
ULTIMATE DEWIMPIFIER.
HMM. OK, DON'T COME OUT.
YOU CAN LIVE IN THERE FOREVER.
UH, BUT IT SMELLS FUNNY.
COOL! YOU'LL BE WORLD
CHAMPION IN NO TIME.
I DON'T WANT TO FIGHT, EDDY.
WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?
WRESTLING AIN'T ABOUT FIGHTING.
IT'S ALL STRATEGY AND TACTICS.
LIKE CHESS.
EXACTLY!
NOW, LET'S FIND YOU A
CHALLENGING OPPONENT.
[JONNY HUMMING]
SAVE SOME FOR ME, PLANK!
OK! OK!
YOU MUST HAVE A HOLLOW
LEG, YOU PIGGY! HA HA!
HERE YOU GO.
OOH!
OH, PLANK, YOU'VE
CERTAINLY LET YOURSELF GO!
NO MORE SWEETS FOR YOU!
Edd: THIS IS NOT GOOD.
EDDY, PLEASE RECONSIDER.
HE'S FRIGHTENING ME.
PLANK'S JUST PLAYING MIND GAMES.
DON'T FALL FOR IT. LOOK
HIM STRAIGHT IN THE EYES
AND WATCH OUT FOR
THOSE SHARP CORNERS.
GET IT ON!
YEOW!
ARGH! UGH!
YOUCH!
EDDY, HELP ME!
DOUBLE D, HERE TAKE HIM DOWN!
[GRUNTING]
CORNERS THROW HIM!
GET ANGRY!
[GROWLING WEAKLY]
OW. THAT GIVES ME
A HEADACHE, EDDY.
URGH
WELL, THEN, YOU
SHOULD SIT AND REST.
OH, BOY.
EASY DOES IT.
HA HA! 1, 2, 3!
AND THE WINNER IS
THE MASKED MUMBLER!
[ED LAUGHING]
IF THERE WAS A CROWD,
THEY'D BE GOING WILD.
Jonny: YOU GUYS THINK
YOU'RE SO SMART?
YOU GUYS ARE JUS
A BUNCH OF PHONIES!
PLANK LOST FAIR AND SQUARE.
HA HA! GET IT? SQUARE? PLANK?
CHEATERS!
[SCREAMING]
HA HA! HA HA! HA HA!
AAH!
KANKERS. WHO INVITED YOU?
WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?
[EDDY SCREAMING]
WOW! WRESTLING!
WRESTLING? HA! I LOVE I
WHEN YOU RAISE YOUR
EYEBROW LIKE THAT.
OH, YOU'RE NOT GETTING
TO ME, LEE KANKER!
YOU EDS ARE SO CUTE
WHEN YOU DO STUPID STUFF.
HA HA! HA HA!
OOH! AAH! AGH!
HA! I SAY WRESTLE YOU!
MAY AND MARIE ARE
GREAT AT PURPLE NURPLES.
YOU'RE ON, KANKERS!
WHAT'S A PURPLE NURPLE?
I THINK IT HAS SOMETHING
TO DO WITH STRUDEL FILLING.
COOL!
PLEASE PASS DOWN THIS
MILK. MY COW IS QUITE GORGED.
PLANK IS THIRSTY.
THOSE EDS ARE GOING
TO GET THRASHED!
WELCOME TO THE CUL-DE-SAC
WRESTLING CHAMPIONSHIP!
HERE, ALL THE WAY FROM
THE OTHER SIDE OF THE LANE
YOU KNOW THEM, YOU LOVE THEM,
YOU CAN'T LIVE WITHOU
THEM THE ERUPTING EDS!
HA HA!
[APPLAUSE]
AND THE CALCIFIED KANKERS.
[BOOING]
DORK! DORK CITY!
[GROWLING]
HERE'S YOUR CHANCE,
DOUBLE D. GET IN THERE.
BUT, EDDY, I BRUISE EASILY.
YOU'RE COVERED.
EDDY, WASHROOM CLEANLINESS
WON'T HELP ME NOW.
NO, BUT THESE KNEEPADS WILL.
BUT BUT, EDDY
COOL, DOUBLE D!
ARE THEY AT LEAST TWO-PLY?
COME TO MAMA!
OH, NO! EDDY, STOP, PLEASE!
OH, DEAR.
AAH!
DOH!
HELLO, MARIE.
HIYA, MUFFIN! LET'S PLAY!
[GROANING]
DOUBLE D's A GONER.
HA HA! HA HA!
YOUR GARDEN IS OVERGROWN,
AND YOUR CUCUMBERS ARE SOFT!
HERE COMES YOUR PRIZE!
[GROANING]
HA HA HA!
OK, THAT'S IT. TAG
ME! TAG ME! TAG ME!
OH!
HA HA! TAKE ME TO YOUR LEADER!
[PANTING]
GIVE THEM THE
BURRHEAD, BUMPHEAD!
I CAN'T, EDDY! MY MOM
SAYS I CAN'T FIGHT GIRLS.
TAG!
AAH!
May: LET'S KISS HIM!
AAH!
COME BACK, DUMPLING!
MMM!
HYAH!
WHOA!
[GROANING]
[PLAYING POLKA MUSIC]
I LOVE THIS MUSIC.
IT IS SO SHINY.
AAH!
THIS IS BETTER THAN
COUNTING CHICKENS!
LOOK!
YEOW!
HELP!
I JUST LOVE HOME COOKING.
WHOA!
SPIN-DRY AND TUMBLE!
OW!
HA HA HA!
HI, EDDY!
AAH! HELP!
AAH!
OH, COOL!
OH, CLOSE YOUR EYES, PLANK.
HOLY COW!
HA HA!
AAH!
NOT GOOD! NOT GOOD!
HA HA HA!
I GUESS THE EDS SHOWED US.
YEAH. PERHAPS WE SHOULD
TAKE UP BASKET-WEAVING.
HA HA HA! HA HA HA!
WRESTLING THE EDS SURE IS FUN.
I'M HUNGRY!
HUH!
HEY, GIVE ME SOME OF THOSE!