Empty Nest (1988) s01e06 Episode Script

Life goes on and so do we just how we do it is no mystery one by one we fill the days we find 1,000 different ways Sometimes the answer can be hard to find That's something I will never be I'm always here for anything that you need rain or shine I'll be the one to share it all as life goes on we share it all as life goes on here, dreyfuss, kibbles and chow mein.
- You want chopsticks? - God, no.
Oh, that's it, eat and run.
You'll be back in an hour.
Stop eating.
Where's daddy? He should have left the office three hours ago.
This is classic, you know.
A man's wife dies, he buries his grief in his work.
It seems so tragic.
Work is no place to bury grief.
Neiman Marcus is a place to bury grief.
Would you stop eating the food.
This is not eating.
I'm not even hungry.
This is picking.
I pick at food when I'm nervous.
- You're nervous? - You're not? About what? Talking to daddy? No.
We have had this argument a million times, and he has been wrong a million times.
Hes tired, he needs a vacation, and whether he likes it or not, we're gonna give it to him.
And if he gets mad, well What are those, cashews? He is gonna be angry.
I hate it when daddy gets angry.
His lips disappear.
Yeah, and when you tell him, you can kiss those lips goodbye.
Why do I have to tell him? You're the oldest.
What does that mean? That doesn't mean anything.
It certainly has for everything else.
- Nuh-uh.
- Ya-huh! You got to do everything first.
You got to drive first, didn't you? You got to wear makeup first, bras.
You got the first peacoat.
You were the first to wear stockings, high heels, and miniskirts.
You had sex first.
I didn't have as much to take off.
Oh, well - Hi, daddy.
- Hi.
Hi.
Dreyfuss, I'm home.
This is a great surprise here.
Oh, three of my most favorite things in life Chinese food, daughter number one, daughter number two.
Let's eat.
Daddy, you look a little tired.
- How was your day? - Oh, busy.
So very busy, but Thursday is always a tough day.
On Thursday, I have to give an allergy shot to Stevie "catch me if you can" horowitz.
I'm okay, though.
So what have you girls been up to? What? What have you done? What? Nothing.
Why? Why? Why? Because of that look.
I've seen this look before.
There is this look again.
All right, come on.
Come on, come on, now.
What's happening here? Come on, somebody tell me.
You.
You're the oldest.
Daddy, we've made arrangements for you to go to the Bahamas.
Our treat.
It's the trip of a lifetime.
A ten-day, fun-filled, action-packed riot.
Well, that's very sweet of you girls, but I'm a little too old to be sent to camp.
- You leave on Saturday.
- Carol We're taking you to the airport - Carol - The flight leaves at 10:15, and there is no discussion.
Bye-bye, lips.
We have been through this a million times, and a million times you have been wrong! Daddy, we're worried about you.
You're working too hard.
You're under stress.
Besides, you look like hell.
What is this, good cop, bad cop? You haven't taken a vacation since mom died.
You need to get away.
No, I can't.
I'm a doctor, remember? What about my appointments? What about little Bobby saffra? I put Bobby in the hospital this morning for mastoiditis.
Laverne said not to worry.
Dr.
Gordon can cover for you.
Sure.
Can Dr.
Gordon instill in my patients the trust and confidence it has taken me years to build up? Laverne said yes.
Hi, friends.
Carol.
Charley, we are having a discussion here that does not concern you.
Hey, that's okay.
I really don't come here for the conversation.
I have a date in a half hour.
Do you want me to drop you off at your house? Daddy, I am leaving the ticket right here so you can change your mind.
You're gonna love the Bahamas, daddy.
I am mot going to the Bahamas.
Hey, that's a shame.
You look like hell.
- Bye, daddy.
- See ya.
This is crazy.
The Bahamas.
Why do I need to go to the Bahamas? I relax all over the place.
Friday, I'll take Barbara to the ball game, Saturday I'll take Carol to the movies, Sunday they come over here.
We all watch 60 minutes, eat pizza.
Who needs a vacation? They do.
Carol and Barbara.
What? Hey, I see it all the time on the cruise line.
Kids need some time to themselves, so they send the parents off on a little trip.
Bon voyage sounds so much nicer than "dad's a burden.
" Burden? Burden.
Someone who needs to be watched over burden.
No, no, I mean, I just have never thought of myself as a burden.
Of course not.
You're the burden.
A burden to my daughters, I hate that.
Great.
Then go to the Bahamas.
I'll water the plants.
I can't just leave.
I have a medical practice.
What, the pediatrician thing? Get a temp.
- Morning.
- Morning.
- Early again.
- Yes.
- Coffee? - Please.
You're going.
I am not going! I will be at the hospital checking on Bobby saffra.
Dr.
Gordon will be at the hospital checking on Bobby saffra.
You are going home to pack for the Bahamas.
Now, you march them skinny white legs of yourn out of here and get yourself a suntan.
Laverne, now, listen to me, please.
Stay out of this I do not need a vacation! But I do.
You haven't had a vacation in over 2 1/2 years.
Every month you get tireder.
That means every month I get tireder.
I don't know how much longer I can fake this lighthearted exterior.
Laverne If you won't think of me, at least think of your daughters.
All I know is those two girls have scrimped and saved to raise the money for this trip.
Hell, it was my $25 that put 'em over the top.
All right, all right, all right, I'll go, I'll go.
You want to get rid of me.
The girls want get rid of me.
Everybody wants me out of town.
Don't go a-flatterin' yourself.
There's over a billion Chinese that don't give a damn where you are.
"Luxurious, single-occupancy, "air-conditioned accommodations "boasting manicured lawns, "staff-led activities as well as a tempting and varied menu.
Massages and special baths available.
" Sounds like a pretty good kennel to me.
Aw, dreyfuss dreyfuss, I wish you could stay here, but if you did, that wouldn't be any vacation for the girls.
But you don't have to go until tomorrow.
We can spend the whole evening together.
We'll watch a little TV, huh? We'll play a game of sock.
Great, now I'm boring the dog.
Be happy don't worry don't worry, be happy so, uh, today, I went and saw the caves.
And then I stopped in town, did all my gift shopping.
Hit the glass-bottom boat ride Saw a tuna.
And then I did lunch and the plantation tour.
You know, it's not bad for the beginning of the week.
So what's there to do tomorrow? - Nothing.
- What? That's it.
You saw the tuna.
Excuse me, is this taken? - No, no.
Please.
- Thank you.
- Hi.
- Hi.
Are you here alone? Yes.
Yes, I am.
Are you trying to pick me up? No, no, no.
God, no.
I was, you know, just looking for somebody to talk to.
Oh.
Well, then, excuse me.
Can I have the phone, please? I didn't mean to be rude.
It's just so hard to meet someone in a place where everyone is married, you know? And if you're not interested, I'm better off sitting alone.
Are you trying to pick me up? No, no, no, operator.
I know there's somebody there.
Just let the phone ring a few more times.
Hello? Laverne, it's Harry.
Laverne's not here.
Laverne, I know it's you.
What gave me away? About Bobby saffra, I was just wondering how Dr.
Gordon is doing with Bobby.
Nothing's changed since your last four calls.
Bobby's fine.
Oh, he's named his dog after Dr.
Gordon.
Oh, really? Well, I mean, that's That's real nice.
Have you heard from Barbara or Carol? No.
Of course, you call here so much, they probably can't get through.
Oh, look, the other line's blinking.
I better go.
It might be you.
Don't worry, be happy.
- Usual? - Please.
But when you worry your face will frown And that will bring everybody down Don't worry - worry Both: be happy I'm beginning to worry that's the only song he knows.
And I'm not happy.
Hi.
Is this the service? Where's Laverne? In 30 years of practice, my office has never closed this What? It's Dr.
Gordon's way? What is? Efficiency? And what, exactly, does that make my way? Uh, excuse me.
Did he i mean, he actually used the word "sloppy"? No, don't put me through.
I don't want to talk to him.
Hi there, Dr.
Gordon.
How are you? Well, I just wanted you to know, I mean, I could come back early if, you know, god forbid, anything sloppy was going on.
You know, I wouldn't want a lot of sloppy things slopping all over you.
No, huh? You sure? Good.
Bye.
Things going all right? - Yeah.
Great.
- Good.
No, it's not great.
I just i It's just hard for me to be here.
I used to come to places like this with my wife before she died.
Oh, I'm sorry.
Your wife is dead? Yes.
It's almost two years now.
And you're not trying to pick me up.
- It's just - I mean, really What is it? I mean, what's wrong with me? Tell me.
It can't be my weight.
I lost 13 pounds to come here.
Actually, it was 15, but today at the pool, I accidentally swallowed some water and gained back two.
Uh, hi, this is Dr.
Weston.
I'm checking on dreyfuss Weston.
I brought him in three days ago.
Half St.
Bernard, half retriever.
Just to be clear, we were having a conversation, but instead, you decided to call a dog? Uh, no, I just wanted to make sure I mean, if I could come back if dreyfuss is getting lonely Really? A pretty little mixed collie? Oh, you think it might be serious, huh? That's it, I'm going to bed.
Oh, miss, your room number? Oh, thanks, but I think I'd rather just be alone.
You got no place to lay your head Somebody come and take your bed Don't worry be happy You know something, you've been singing that song for three days.
Now, I have to admit, for the first 40, 50 times, I really wasn't paying attention.
But I think you finally got through to me.
I'm gonna go someplace, and I'm gonna get happy.
Be happy Aah! Don't worry, be happy.
God, what a hell of a way to start the morning! - I'm back.
- I see that.
How long have you been here? You've gone through all my files.
Well, the plane got in at 3:00 A.
M.
, so I had a little extra time.
When did you schedule Cole Taylor's x-rays? Tomorrow.
- Have you ordered any bactrim? - I have.
- Who runs a better office? - Dr.
Gordon does.
But the kids hate him.
They do? - They do? - Mm.
No, he run this place like a factory.
Laverne, dear, would you do me a favor? If Carol or Barbara call, don't tell them I'm here.
Laverne, I tried in the Bahamas, but I was miserable.
I see.
So now it's our turn.
Did I say welcome back? No.
Well We'll see how the day goes, and I'll let you know.
So I came back a little early.
I mean, I just was not having a good time, dreyf.
Although I heard on the phone you were.
I tell me the truth, am I a burden on you? Am I? Aww Thanks, pal.
Thank you so much.
But you know, I am a burden on the girls, and I don't want that.
But I want to be part of their life.
And you don't know what I'm talking about.
You just know that you and I are okay, huh? Oh, thank you so much.
Okay, dreyf, let's go home.
Nice.
Hey Mmm.
Okay, I'll make a list of all the cleaning jobs and divide them up equally between us.
If it's your job to clean something, I'll put a "b" next to it.
And if it's mine, I'll put a "c.
" Just like when we were kids.
We never did this when we were kids.
What did we do? We didn't do anything.
I did all the cleaning, and you were a cheerleader.
God, you have the most distorted memory of anyone I've ever met.
It is not distorted.
I have a crystal-clear memory of you flouncing out of here waving those pompons in that uniform.
- All right, fine.
- Fine.
Good.
Then we'll just do this for daddy.
- Fine.
- Good.
- Good.
- Fine.
Make a list.
- I will.
- Good.
The uniform I had to iron.
- Carol! - Okay, okay.
I will vacuum, you do the sinks.
You can't vacuum.
You're terrible at vacuuming.
If there was a vacuuming team, you could cheer for them.
I'll get the mop.
Ahh God, would you look at all this dust! Daddy lets that cleaning woman get away with murder.
He just doesn't know how to run a house.
Maybe he should buy a condo.
Oh, I see.
You don't want to clean, so he should sell the house.
Come on, dreyf, let's go.
Let's go.
Come on.
I know, I know.
Here we are.
Being a meter maid is dangerous work, and very few people realize how important.
You know, a lot of us think it would really upgrade our image to be known as meter "analysts.
" Ooh.
Did you say you lived here alone? Yep.
- Who are these women? - Women? In these pictures.
Are they family? Okay, sure.
Good.
Family.
My family.
My sisters and dear old dad.
I think family is so important.
Are you and your sisters close? No, no.
Forget about them.
I never see them.
We had a fight.
I don't even know where they live.
How about a nice glass of wine? Sure.
Wine Wine Where do I keep the wine? Ah! - What's this? - Cooking oil.
Okay, let's hang on to that.
Come with me.
There's a refrigerator in the garage.
Maybe the wine's in there.
I'll just dust the knick knacks.
Please don't touch the knick knacks.
I don't feel like picking up broken glass.
I will dust the knick knacks.
Then I'm gonna do the laundry.
Over my dead body.
Carol, you're doing all the work.
And it's taken you Shh.
Did you hear that? I heard something.
Hey, what do we need wine for? We'll go upstairs, we'll get to know each other.
We'll kiss, we'll make love.
We'll tear up that parking ticket.
I am sick.
Your sisters! Right.
I am just sick.
Aren't you going to introduce me? I don't think so.
She's obviously not feeling very well.
But, Charley, they're here.
Isn't that all that really matters? No.
I mean yes.
I mean, of course I'm thrilled they're here.
It's just wait a second.
Where are you going? I can't believe I was here for this.
Debbie, wait a second.
I'm dying to hear the explanation for this one, Charley.
Do you have anything to say for yourself? Yeah.
Do you knowing where dad keeps the wine? Buh-bye.
What are you doing? You're not going? No, Charley, it's okay.
You must have so much to say to each other.
God bless you all.
You are a worse sleazeball than I even imagined.
Yeah You are really the most disgusting, insensitive person that I have ever met.
Oh, get off it.
You should be thanking me.
If it wasn't for me, your father would have never gone to the Bahamas.
- What does that mean? - I'm the one who told him what a burden he is to you.
He had no idea you were shipping him down there so you two could finally have a life of your own.
Gee.
And you call me insensitive.
Hey, Debbie, wait up! The family's reconciled, and I moved next door.
She's buying it.
This is terrible.
This is horrible.
Right now, daddy is sitting down in the Bahamas all by himself, and he thinks we sent him there because we don't want him here.
- God.
- We gotta fix this.
We gotta call him.
How did things get so turned around? I don't want to get rid of him.
It's almost like we just got him.
I know.
I feel the same way.
When mom died, it was scary, you know.
It was, like Well, like no one was gonna be there anymore.
But then Kind of real quietly, he was just there.
You know? All the time.
He just let you know someone was there for you to depend on.
I want him home.
Me too.
I'm home! And I want to thank you girls for the best time I ever had.
These three minutes in the closet.