End of the Line (2024) s01e06 Episode Script
Episode 6
[engine starts]
[theme song playing]
[music stops]
Hey, hey, hey! Wake up!
Dude! What are you doing?
- Are you crazy? No sleeping.
- You were dozing off, I saw you!
No. I was just working
in low power mode, you know.
I close my eyes for a second,
but when I'm not going straight,
I look left, right.
Totally alert.
The only reason I'm here
is it's cheaper than riding the bus.
There are protesters
'cause of the fare increase. [scoffs]
A plane is as much as that fare.
- [van thuds]
- [man yelps]
You gotta watch out
for the turbulence, huh?
[audience cheering]
[theme song playing]
END OF THE LINE
[woman] Final stop coming up!
MISSING THE BUS
[crowd chanting]
We want lower fares! We want lower fares!
DOWN WITH THE TRANSPORT MAFIA
Hey, what is all this going on over here?
A protest, the fare increase.
Does anyone want a ride in my van?
I was really hoping to relax today.
Couldn't sleep last night.
I was dealing with a hole city dug.
It's ridiculous!
Working resembles dating:
when you're single,
you're persona non grata.
Once you get tie the knot
I'm gonna start over.
[audience laughing]
Working resembles dating:
when you're single,
you're persona non grata.
But when Again.
[audience laughing, cheering]
It's Friday, I want to go home too.
Here we go.
I was really hoping to relax today.
I couldn't sleep last night.
I was dealing with a hole the city dug.
It's ridiculous!
See, working resembles dating:
when you're single,
your persona non grata.
Once you tie the knot,
even a nun finds you attractive.
You know what? I'm not
I'm no longer open for business today.
- [people complaining]
- Sorry. End of discussion.
You know what?
Where is that thing? Ah. Found it.
Okay, today Sorry,
but today we're closed for inventory.
[people complaining]
CLOSED FOR INVENTORY
[Alê] Moving up in the world, huh? Mmm.
- So powerful.
- [grunts]
"Closed for inventory."
You're so important.
Sandra, can you believe that?
Oh, Ivan!
I guess you're rolling in dough, huh?
You've kicked out your passengers,
you'll have a relaxing day.
I am not kicking out the passengers.
I'm just really exhausted
because I'm a human, not a machine.
Come on. Like you didn't forget the party
for your son we're throwing later?
Of course. The party?
The party, yeah.
I would never forget
the birthday of my son!
It's not his birthday.
He was employee of the month at his job.
I can't believe this.
What kind of father are you?
Even Marta knows about it.
Our kid was named the employee of
the month for all the motorcycle taxi's.
Of course, I knew about that.
You know I was just kidding.
You need to get a sense of humor.
I remember. Employee of the month.
- Ah!
- You know what?
I'm not tired now,
I'm gonna go back to work.
Okay, passengers,
I'm back to work. Let's go.
You can ride sitting down or standing up.
I don't care.
- You never let me sleep.
- [audience cheering]
Good morning! Good morning! Good morning!
You know, some people
These others [chuckles] You know?
They don't know anything.
They don't understand the traffic laws,
and don't adhere to the constitution.
I know all the laws.
I've broken all of them.
Don't you have somewhere to be?
Hey! It's a crime
for passengers to ride standing.
Make them sit.
Crime is everywhere.
If people decide to walk,
they end up getting mugged.
- Get out of here.
- Everybody in.
I will never understand
why people stand in line
to ride this hunk 'o junk,
it can't even be considered a van.
It's more like a dirty, haunted train.
All of your passengers are masochistic.
Are you married
to the owner of the bus company?
- Oh, no.
- Because they increased the price,
but they didn't increase
the quality of service on the bus.
When the bus is full
it's like driving a shopping cart,
you take a sharp turn, it falls over.
Give me a break.
Alê, ignore that fool. Let's get coffee,
because Ivan drives us over the edge.
This is disgraceful.
No one should have to rely
on public transportation.
It's unbelievable!
The price for a ride is already a rip-off,
and now it's going up!
How are people supposed to get around?
I feel so disrespected.
I worked for the government!
Ah, if you worked for the government,
then you know what a rip-off is.
[laughs] Please.
Marta, get me some coffee.
[Ivan] I just want some coffee, I'm
No, I'm exhausted,
I just need to drink some coffee.
Just a second.
Hey, I'm tired of waiting.
It's too hot in there!
I'm totally natural
and a smoking hot babe!
I'm finished waiting for this van here.
I'll just take the Metro.
What the hell!
- [Alê] She's not wrong.
- Who is that crazy woman?
Oh, Ivandro! Ivandro!
Tell me all about the plans
for the big event tonight, sweetie.
I'm still figuring it out.
But if I bring some new customers,
do I get anything?
- A small discount, a present? Nothing?
- Oh!
You're like my nephew,
I wouldn't do you like that.
Of course
I'm gonna give you something. Here.
Cheers to a happy life. Okay?
Go take this over
to your mom and godmother.
Marta, I want five copies.
But don't charge me extra.
This kind of document costs more
because it uses more toner.
Oh, for real, girl?
Son, I hope you know
that your Dad is proud of you.
Employee of the month!
- Yeah, that's so cool.
- Thanks, Dad.
I'll tell you a secret,
but you can't tell.
I sometimes hit the speed bump too fast,
you know?
And the stroganoff turns into risotto,
but the fries always get there intact.
And that's the secret.
- Uh-huh.
- I go [grunts] Super fast.
Yeah.
[Ivan] What?
Just a second, Ivandro.
Mommy is calling Daddy.
[Ivandro] Hi!
So, for the party for Ivandro,
I want you to go through
those boxes at the house.
- Uh-huh.
- Bring his photos here.
We'll make a slide show.
- It's not possible.
- [Sandra] Why?
I was gonna do one last trip
and then go home.
I didn't sleep at all last night.
I can't help now.
I'll go when I've had a little rest.
Now, stop bugging me.
[audience laughing]
[gasps] It's Jerusa for me. Wow.
I thought that she had blocked me.
I wonder what happened.
[Jerusa] I'm gonna give you
another chance, sweetie.
Are you gonna send me that nude picture?
- A nude?
- [Jerusa] You know who wants to date me?
Marcão Ten Inch.
Gee, I wonder why that's his name.
[laughs]
- Hurry up, man!
- [passengers complaining]
My god, how am I gonna send her
a nude shot today?
I'm so tired.
Sorry, but I have to go
take a nude picture.
- [passengers shouting]
- [Ivan] Just a second.
[indistinct chatter]
TIRE REPAIR SHOP
- [Ivan] Thanks, Migué.
- Hey, so my room's great for nudes, right?
I was kind of uncomfortable.
It was a little weird because
there was that photo of Roberto Carlos.
That's not Roberto Carlos!
It's my grandma.
[audience laughing]
- That's your grandma?
- Yeah.
And why is she hanging
next to Lulu Santos?
That's not Lulu Santos, Ivan!
It's my godmother.
Do you have any respect at all
for my family?
Whatever. How did it turn out? Show me.
Did you zoom in so you could see it?
[both laugh]
Oh, such a funny guy.
No, it looks bigger in the picture.
- See?
- You wash your hands?
Ivan!
Yeah!
You really could name this
after that movie.
You know, Honey, I Blew Up The Kids.
[both laugh]
- Great.
- [phone ringing]
Oh, Sandra's calling me.
Sandra, what do you need?
Ivan picked up the phone.
- He's on the line.
- Give me here!
- Okay, so Oh, Ivan.
- [Alê] Get back!
The protests are here,
and we're stuck in traffic.
I have no idea when I'll get to the house.
So pick the photos,
and put them on your phone
so we can use them in the slide show.
Oh, but, come on.
You have to be kidding, Sandra.
This was the last ride of the day.
I was gonna rest.
I'm too tired. Please don't ask this.
Listen up, bastard,
this party is for your son,
it isn't for me, alright?
Oh, he's mine now?
And did I make him all alone?
I totally get that it took you nine months
and it only took me 30 seconds
Oh, oh, oh, Ivan!
Don't forget to bring my red lipstick
and my shoes.
And be careful.
They're worth more than you.
[Ivandro] Hey, Dad!
Go take a nap already.
I wasn't sleeping.
I was looking at my eyelids.
If you already know about the surprise,
why don't you take the pictures?
Your dad is tired, and could use a nap.
I don't know why
they want kid pictures of you.
Honestly,
you were ugly when you were little.
- [Ivandro] What?
- I kept a curtain over your crib
so no one would see
what a monster you were.
Oh, you're so funny.
No, you were hideous. I'm serious.
Look at this photo. Why does it look so
Why is this photo so weird?
- It makes you look worse than usual.
- Oh, man.
- The camera's facing front.
- Ah, so it is.
[audience laughing]
Wow, look at this.
Your mom was so beautiful.
- How'd you get with her? Come on!
- What?
- She must've been out of her mind.
- What do you mean?
- Beautiful!
- It was a while ago.
Time wasn't kind to me,
but when I was younger
- Yeah?
- I looked just like Malvino Salvador.
Hey, look at that.
Sandra is just like a towel:
the older she gets, the better she feels.
Too bad that towel is back in the drawer.
Give up, Dad.
That towel is in the drawer.
In fact, she's using mothballs
to keep you out of her drawer
and away from her cockroaches.
A cockroach! A cockroach! [grunts]
[audience laughing]
Oh, no!
Oh, no!
I spilled coffee all over
Xuxa and Ivandro's photo.
Oh, my God. Seriously?
And Sandra's calling me.
Sandra always calls at the worst time.
My God. Uh
Hi, Sandrinha.
What? Ev
No, everything is fine with the pictures.
Do you like filters on photos?
[audience laughing]
Have I ever disappointed you
when there's a problem that needs solving?
MARTA'S CAFE - LAPA STATION
[Ivan] Hey, Marta!
IVAN'S VAN
I screwed up, Marta. I screwed up.
- I messed up with Sandra.
- Tell me something I'm not aware of.
I was bridesmaid at your wedding.
[audience chuckles]
- Look here. Take a look.
- [Marta gasps]
You spilled coffee
on the photo of Ivandro and Xuxa?
I can't believe it.
The one Sandra asked you to bring? Man!
- Exactly. What do I do now?
- Rest in peace, Ivan.
- Marta, please.
I need you to print this photo.
I have the original on my phone.
- I'm gonna send it to you.
- Of course.
- Sandra won't be able to tell.
- But you've got to pay me now.
- What will you charge me?
- Ten.
Ten, yeah. But it's urgent.
Oh, then it's 20.
Are you serious?
You have to keep your mouth shut, okay?
Oh, you want secrecy?
That's gonna cost 30.
- I'll pay you next week.
- With interest, it's a total of 40.
Oh, come on!
I'm gonna pay you, I promise, okay?
I'm gonna close this bar
and open up a church,
because it's all promises and problems
around this place.
Go, send to me via WhatsApp.
- Bye, bye, bye!
- Okay, I'm sending it now.
It's sent.
Sandra's here. I'm screwed now.
I didn't get anything yet.
Maybe re-send the photo.
I'll send it again!
- Ivan.
- Sandra, you scared me!
I swear you're like a proctologist,
attacking from behind.
- Okay, where are the photos?
- What photos?
- What?
- What are you talking about?
- Iva
- Kidding! I know which photos.
- Ivandro looked just like I did.
- Huh?
What is that look
you've got printed all over your face?
- Printed? No.
- [Alê] Yes!
Don't say "printed". Use another word.
Uh, sorry. I'm fine.
I just really don't like that word.
- Coffee was a bad idea, you're a moron.
- Who told you about the coffee?
- [whispering] I didn't.
- Coffee?
You know the way that you get all wired up
when you drink coffee.
Ah.
No. It's all good, Sandra.
It's nothing, boy!
Everything's under control. I've got this.
- What did you do with all my stuff?
- What stuff?
"What stuff", Ivan?
You don't do anything I ask.
Shoes, lipstick. Where are they?
You never ask, you command, Sandra!
Will you please get them
and bring them for me?
Well, "please" changes everything.
- [Ivan and Sandra arguing]
- [Alê] It's okay, princess.
- I'm gonna kill him.
- [Alê] Let's get ready in peace.
- You can get the lipstick and shoes later.
- [Sandra] That man is driving me crazy.
- [protesters shouting]
- You're good. The coast is clear.
Here, give her these shoes.
I'll put them
BREAKFAS
[audience laughing, exclaiming]
- How could I do that?
- [laughs]
Ah, man.
This is awful,
I can't do anything right when I'm sleepy.
I can't think straight,
and I screw everything up.
Now I have two different shoes.
I think my horoscope is Pisces
with a rising pigeon,
because shit follows me everywhere.
Marhaba, Ju! How are you, sweetheart?
I'm like a boss here,
having a little siesta.
Marhaba? Marhaba means "hi", babe.
- I'm in Dubai, babe
- Yeah, he's nearby.
Dubai!
- Bai! Bai!
- Bai!
I'll talk to you later. I have to go,
the sheik thinks I'm charming.
- Salaam Aleikum!
- Salaam Aleikum!
- My fee is 50.
- [Ivan] Ivandro!
- Yeah, I'm coming!
- Pay me first.
What's up?
Ivandro, help me out. I messed up again.
- Look what I did with your mom's Melissas.
- Those are not a pair!
[Ivan] Oh, my God!
And don't mention the name Melissa,
Melissa's my ex.
All she ever did was complain.
Good thing I upgraded to Ju.
She could be a wife.
I don't know Ju.
How can you marry someone I don't know?
When I married your mom,
I wanted to meet her father first,
and well, it was hard.
I showed up
and he wouldn't say a single word!
Why was that?
Maybe I didn't do the séance right
over at the graveyard.
You shouldn't be joking about that.
- You're bad! I'm serious too.
- I'm being serious.
I mean it. You have to be prepared.
- You have to give a testimony for me.
- Testimony?
What testimony?
- What are you being accused of?
- What are you saying?
Stop freaking out, it's not anything bad.
You just have to say a few words.
A speech about
all the good qualities I have.
So you want me to lie?
Come on!
Do you think that you're gonna be able
to give a speech?
- You look spent.
- It's not how I look, it's total fatigue.
I hurt everywhere. Feet, knees, crotch.
There are certain parts
I don't want to know about.
There are parts that are beyond tired,
parts that deserve a funeral.
[audience laughing]
Hold up. Oh, no. Jerusa.
- Still with Jerusa?
- She want to talk.
- Look at you go, Dad!
- The dead are just going to have to rise.
Knock it off. Shh.
My God, Ivandro.
- I'm gonna talk to her.
- I don't wanna hear this.
- It's fine. Hi, Jerusa.
- This is too weird for me.
What? Oh!
You didn't care for the nude?
I really don't know
that I can do any better, no.
[audience chuckling]
No, but in person
it's a lot more photogenic, you know?
[audience laughing]
And you'll be here soon. Okay.
Oh, Marta. How's the picture doing?
- Let's see it.
- Ah, it's looking good.
- Cool.
- He really looks like you in this one.
It looks just the same.
Sandra won't notice. Right?
Well, it might work.
You've got to add a few things,
like her autograph,
and the kiss she left on the photo.
- Autograph it?
- The autograph and the kiss were there.
- Look.
- Oh, my God. It's missing the autograph.
- Got a pen I can use?
- And the lipstick?
I put it down here, do you see it?
- Here it is. I've got it.
- Yeah.
Don't forget to give the shoes to Sandra.
Thanks, Marta.
This sucks ass. I said, this sucks ass.
The price of the Metro
has legit gone up more!
- You know what I'm gonna do?
- [chuckles]
Take a taxi.
'Cause taxis are air-conditioned.
I'm out. This place sucks!
She's like a ghost, that woman.
Appears out of nowhere, I swear.
[audience laughing]
Honestly, this woman is like a meme.
It's so strange.
Listen, alright.
I won't be able to do this trip,
I have to sort out some problems.
No. And putting your hands in the air
isn't going to help anything.
- [people complaining]
- I really can't. I'm sorry.
I have some things I have to do.
Let me put on Sandra's lipstick.
[audience chuckling]
[Ivan] Dude, it's gonna look so great.
"Xuxa."
I should make a business
selling Xuxa's autographs,
- it's identical!
- [Migué] Jesus!
- Ah! For crying out loud.
- [Migué] What is that on your face?
You look like, uh,
a night gone wrong or the Joker.
I was eating açaí.
What's the problem? You've had açaí.
But I try to use the mouth
instead of the face to eat.
Migué, I don't have time for this now.
I don't have time for you.
Okay, be like that.
But I don't need this, you know.
- This gig's no biggie.
- [chuckles]
Not for a mechanical engineer
who's the shit.
I better go to sleep, you know?
I only screw up when I'm tired.
I also screw up when I'm awake,
but when I'm tired, forget it.
The office is closed.
Closed for inventory.
That's it.
FARE R$3,50
CLOSED FOR INVENTORY
- [Ivandro] Everyone's here! What's up?
- [Sandra] Is everything ready?
- How are you? Hey, listen.
- Where is he?
I told Alê to go look for your dad.
He's gone.
He brought me two different shoes,
and no lipstick.
How are you? Thanks for coming.
- Oh, hello, Mauricio!
- [Alê] Ivan! Ivan!
What are you doing in there?
This is unbelievable.
What's wrong with you?
Lipstick? Are you hooking up
during you son's party?
You've got to pull yourself together.
Come on, let's go.
Look, my friends!
- See who I found! Yay!
- [guests cheering]
- [Alê] We're going to start the show.
- [indistinct chatter]
[guests] We want you! We want you!
I'm very good with words,
I always flirt my way out of tickets
with the police.
Why is he still wearing lipstick?
You're supposed to talk about me.
Don't worry, I've got this.
It's time for my show.
Ivan, better tell that tramp you were with
her taste in lipstick is awful!
Let me get the pictures ready.
Can I get the remote?
- [chattering]
- Thank you.
I just want to show you
a few pictures tonight.
I'd like to begin by congratulating my son
and showing a picture.
[guests groaning] Ah!
Look, isn't he cute?
Let me show you another.
- [guests exclaiming]
- Ivan!
- [Ivan] In this picture
- [guests shouting]
Let me finish, Sandra!
Sandra never lets me finish,
for crying out loud.
Hey, let's respect the kid.
He was little and bald, had a big head,
- but eventually
- [shouting continues]
What is it?
You need to show a little kindness.
He couldn't help that he was ugly.
Would you look at the screen, Ivan?
- [guest] Impressive.
- Oh, my God, what did I Get out the way.
[stammers] I just wanted to show you
a photo of my little boy with Xuxa,
I'm sorry.
- I can't believe this.
- [Ivan] Jerusa's here?
- How beautiful.
- Jerusa, it's not what it looks like.
When all the men I know are this awful,
maybe I should stick with animals!
You promised me this nude picture
- was just for the two of us.
- It is.
So why have you shown it
to every citizen in Brazil?
- [guests mocking]
- Huh?
- It was a malfunction.
- "A malfunction."
- And I ended up on OnlyFans.
- Oh, you have an OnlyFans? Ah!
And what's going on
with the cheap lipstick
- all over your face?
- Lipstick?
You were together
with that dirty tramp ex of yours!
- Really, bitch? [laughs]
- [guests exclaiming]
- Oh!
- [exclaiming continues]
- Hey, now.
- [phone beeps]
Marcão Ten Inch? Well, hi!
It's the lovely Jerusa.
Turns out I'm a free woman.
Fasten your seatbelt,
we're going for a ride.
- Alright?
- [audience exclaiming]
You know this guy ain't worth it, right?
Get rid of him. I'm outta here.
[guests and audience exclaiming, laughing]
When you were showing your photo,
I saw a mole you have right over here.
Whoa, Mrs. Ivone! What are you doing?
You don't need to grab me to tell me.
- A doctor should inspect that.
- I'm gonna see a doctor. Thank you.
- We'll talk about this later.
- You should sit down.
Let's get this photo off.
We don't need to see it. Hold on.
I just want to be clear.
Even though I screwed up, my son is
a completely different person than me.
He is a professional with integrity,
who does the right thing.
Let's give our employee of the month
a round of applause,
- my brilliant son Ivandro!
- [guests cheering, applauding]
- Listen up!
- [Ivan] The meme woman.
I wanted food,
so I used the app to order some.
I complained but no one answered me!
And I have the same issue
when I order my food!
They send this one guy on a motorcycle.
Every time I order stroganoff,
I get risotto.
- [Sandra] That's ridiculous!
- [Ivan] That's crazy.
[woman] Hey! Uh You!
- That's the guy over there.
- What you say?
You screwed up all of my orders,
you understand that?
[all shouting, indistinct]
- All natural and handsome as hell!
- And he's ugly too!
- [Ivan] Oh, this is bad.
- [all shouting, indistinct]
- [Ivan] Calm down!
- [shouting continues]
Ivan! You ruined my life!
I want you and all of your things
to get the hell out of my house now!
Now let me find that woman and kill her!
- [audience cheering]
- [theme song playing]
[theme song continues]
[music fades]
[theme song playing]
[music stops]
Hey, hey, hey! Wake up!
Dude! What are you doing?
- Are you crazy? No sleeping.
- You were dozing off, I saw you!
No. I was just working
in low power mode, you know.
I close my eyes for a second,
but when I'm not going straight,
I look left, right.
Totally alert.
The only reason I'm here
is it's cheaper than riding the bus.
There are protesters
'cause of the fare increase. [scoffs]
A plane is as much as that fare.
- [van thuds]
- [man yelps]
You gotta watch out
for the turbulence, huh?
[audience cheering]
[theme song playing]
END OF THE LINE
[woman] Final stop coming up!
MISSING THE BUS
[crowd chanting]
We want lower fares! We want lower fares!
DOWN WITH THE TRANSPORT MAFIA
Hey, what is all this going on over here?
A protest, the fare increase.
Does anyone want a ride in my van?
I was really hoping to relax today.
Couldn't sleep last night.
I was dealing with a hole city dug.
It's ridiculous!
Working resembles dating:
when you're single,
you're persona non grata.
Once you get tie the knot
I'm gonna start over.
[audience laughing]
Working resembles dating:
when you're single,
you're persona non grata.
But when Again.
[audience laughing, cheering]
It's Friday, I want to go home too.
Here we go.
I was really hoping to relax today.
I couldn't sleep last night.
I was dealing with a hole the city dug.
It's ridiculous!
See, working resembles dating:
when you're single,
your persona non grata.
Once you tie the knot,
even a nun finds you attractive.
You know what? I'm not
I'm no longer open for business today.
- [people complaining]
- Sorry. End of discussion.
You know what?
Where is that thing? Ah. Found it.
Okay, today Sorry,
but today we're closed for inventory.
[people complaining]
CLOSED FOR INVENTORY
[Alê] Moving up in the world, huh? Mmm.
- So powerful.
- [grunts]
"Closed for inventory."
You're so important.
Sandra, can you believe that?
Oh, Ivan!
I guess you're rolling in dough, huh?
You've kicked out your passengers,
you'll have a relaxing day.
I am not kicking out the passengers.
I'm just really exhausted
because I'm a human, not a machine.
Come on. Like you didn't forget the party
for your son we're throwing later?
Of course. The party?
The party, yeah.
I would never forget
the birthday of my son!
It's not his birthday.
He was employee of the month at his job.
I can't believe this.
What kind of father are you?
Even Marta knows about it.
Our kid was named the employee of
the month for all the motorcycle taxi's.
Of course, I knew about that.
You know I was just kidding.
You need to get a sense of humor.
I remember. Employee of the month.
- Ah!
- You know what?
I'm not tired now,
I'm gonna go back to work.
Okay, passengers,
I'm back to work. Let's go.
You can ride sitting down or standing up.
I don't care.
- You never let me sleep.
- [audience cheering]
Good morning! Good morning! Good morning!
You know, some people
These others [chuckles] You know?
They don't know anything.
They don't understand the traffic laws,
and don't adhere to the constitution.
I know all the laws.
I've broken all of them.
Don't you have somewhere to be?
Hey! It's a crime
for passengers to ride standing.
Make them sit.
Crime is everywhere.
If people decide to walk,
they end up getting mugged.
- Get out of here.
- Everybody in.
I will never understand
why people stand in line
to ride this hunk 'o junk,
it can't even be considered a van.
It's more like a dirty, haunted train.
All of your passengers are masochistic.
Are you married
to the owner of the bus company?
- Oh, no.
- Because they increased the price,
but they didn't increase
the quality of service on the bus.
When the bus is full
it's like driving a shopping cart,
you take a sharp turn, it falls over.
Give me a break.
Alê, ignore that fool. Let's get coffee,
because Ivan drives us over the edge.
This is disgraceful.
No one should have to rely
on public transportation.
It's unbelievable!
The price for a ride is already a rip-off,
and now it's going up!
How are people supposed to get around?
I feel so disrespected.
I worked for the government!
Ah, if you worked for the government,
then you know what a rip-off is.
[laughs] Please.
Marta, get me some coffee.
[Ivan] I just want some coffee, I'm
No, I'm exhausted,
I just need to drink some coffee.
Just a second.
Hey, I'm tired of waiting.
It's too hot in there!
I'm totally natural
and a smoking hot babe!
I'm finished waiting for this van here.
I'll just take the Metro.
What the hell!
- [Alê] She's not wrong.
- Who is that crazy woman?
Oh, Ivandro! Ivandro!
Tell me all about the plans
for the big event tonight, sweetie.
I'm still figuring it out.
But if I bring some new customers,
do I get anything?
- A small discount, a present? Nothing?
- Oh!
You're like my nephew,
I wouldn't do you like that.
Of course
I'm gonna give you something. Here.
Cheers to a happy life. Okay?
Go take this over
to your mom and godmother.
Marta, I want five copies.
But don't charge me extra.
This kind of document costs more
because it uses more toner.
Oh, for real, girl?
Son, I hope you know
that your Dad is proud of you.
Employee of the month!
- Yeah, that's so cool.
- Thanks, Dad.
I'll tell you a secret,
but you can't tell.
I sometimes hit the speed bump too fast,
you know?
And the stroganoff turns into risotto,
but the fries always get there intact.
And that's the secret.
- Uh-huh.
- I go [grunts] Super fast.
Yeah.
[Ivan] What?
Just a second, Ivandro.
Mommy is calling Daddy.
[Ivandro] Hi!
So, for the party for Ivandro,
I want you to go through
those boxes at the house.
- Uh-huh.
- Bring his photos here.
We'll make a slide show.
- It's not possible.
- [Sandra] Why?
I was gonna do one last trip
and then go home.
I didn't sleep at all last night.
I can't help now.
I'll go when I've had a little rest.
Now, stop bugging me.
[audience laughing]
[gasps] It's Jerusa for me. Wow.
I thought that she had blocked me.
I wonder what happened.
[Jerusa] I'm gonna give you
another chance, sweetie.
Are you gonna send me that nude picture?
- A nude?
- [Jerusa] You know who wants to date me?
Marcão Ten Inch.
Gee, I wonder why that's his name.
[laughs]
- Hurry up, man!
- [passengers complaining]
My god, how am I gonna send her
a nude shot today?
I'm so tired.
Sorry, but I have to go
take a nude picture.
- [passengers shouting]
- [Ivan] Just a second.
[indistinct chatter]
TIRE REPAIR SHOP
- [Ivan] Thanks, Migué.
- Hey, so my room's great for nudes, right?
I was kind of uncomfortable.
It was a little weird because
there was that photo of Roberto Carlos.
That's not Roberto Carlos!
It's my grandma.
[audience laughing]
- That's your grandma?
- Yeah.
And why is she hanging
next to Lulu Santos?
That's not Lulu Santos, Ivan!
It's my godmother.
Do you have any respect at all
for my family?
Whatever. How did it turn out? Show me.
Did you zoom in so you could see it?
[both laugh]
Oh, such a funny guy.
No, it looks bigger in the picture.
- See?
- You wash your hands?
Ivan!
Yeah!
You really could name this
after that movie.
You know, Honey, I Blew Up The Kids.
[both laugh]
- Great.
- [phone ringing]
Oh, Sandra's calling me.
Sandra, what do you need?
Ivan picked up the phone.
- He's on the line.
- Give me here!
- Okay, so Oh, Ivan.
- [Alê] Get back!
The protests are here,
and we're stuck in traffic.
I have no idea when I'll get to the house.
So pick the photos,
and put them on your phone
so we can use them in the slide show.
Oh, but, come on.
You have to be kidding, Sandra.
This was the last ride of the day.
I was gonna rest.
I'm too tired. Please don't ask this.
Listen up, bastard,
this party is for your son,
it isn't for me, alright?
Oh, he's mine now?
And did I make him all alone?
I totally get that it took you nine months
and it only took me 30 seconds
Oh, oh, oh, Ivan!
Don't forget to bring my red lipstick
and my shoes.
And be careful.
They're worth more than you.
[Ivandro] Hey, Dad!
Go take a nap already.
I wasn't sleeping.
I was looking at my eyelids.
If you already know about the surprise,
why don't you take the pictures?
Your dad is tired, and could use a nap.
I don't know why
they want kid pictures of you.
Honestly,
you were ugly when you were little.
- [Ivandro] What?
- I kept a curtain over your crib
so no one would see
what a monster you were.
Oh, you're so funny.
No, you were hideous. I'm serious.
Look at this photo. Why does it look so
Why is this photo so weird?
- It makes you look worse than usual.
- Oh, man.
- The camera's facing front.
- Ah, so it is.
[audience laughing]
Wow, look at this.
Your mom was so beautiful.
- How'd you get with her? Come on!
- What?
- She must've been out of her mind.
- What do you mean?
- Beautiful!
- It was a while ago.
Time wasn't kind to me,
but when I was younger
- Yeah?
- I looked just like Malvino Salvador.
Hey, look at that.
Sandra is just like a towel:
the older she gets, the better she feels.
Too bad that towel is back in the drawer.
Give up, Dad.
That towel is in the drawer.
In fact, she's using mothballs
to keep you out of her drawer
and away from her cockroaches.
A cockroach! A cockroach! [grunts]
[audience laughing]
Oh, no!
Oh, no!
I spilled coffee all over
Xuxa and Ivandro's photo.
Oh, my God. Seriously?
And Sandra's calling me.
Sandra always calls at the worst time.
My God. Uh
Hi, Sandrinha.
What? Ev
No, everything is fine with the pictures.
Do you like filters on photos?
[audience laughing]
Have I ever disappointed you
when there's a problem that needs solving?
MARTA'S CAFE - LAPA STATION
[Ivan] Hey, Marta!
IVAN'S VAN
I screwed up, Marta. I screwed up.
- I messed up with Sandra.
- Tell me something I'm not aware of.
I was bridesmaid at your wedding.
[audience chuckles]
- Look here. Take a look.
- [Marta gasps]
You spilled coffee
on the photo of Ivandro and Xuxa?
I can't believe it.
The one Sandra asked you to bring? Man!
- Exactly. What do I do now?
- Rest in peace, Ivan.
- Marta, please.
I need you to print this photo.
I have the original on my phone.
- I'm gonna send it to you.
- Of course.
- Sandra won't be able to tell.
- But you've got to pay me now.
- What will you charge me?
- Ten.
Ten, yeah. But it's urgent.
Oh, then it's 20.
Are you serious?
You have to keep your mouth shut, okay?
Oh, you want secrecy?
That's gonna cost 30.
- I'll pay you next week.
- With interest, it's a total of 40.
Oh, come on!
I'm gonna pay you, I promise, okay?
I'm gonna close this bar
and open up a church,
because it's all promises and problems
around this place.
Go, send to me via WhatsApp.
- Bye, bye, bye!
- Okay, I'm sending it now.
It's sent.
Sandra's here. I'm screwed now.
I didn't get anything yet.
Maybe re-send the photo.
I'll send it again!
- Ivan.
- Sandra, you scared me!
I swear you're like a proctologist,
attacking from behind.
- Okay, where are the photos?
- What photos?
- What?
- What are you talking about?
- Iva
- Kidding! I know which photos.
- Ivandro looked just like I did.
- Huh?
What is that look
you've got printed all over your face?
- Printed? No.
- [Alê] Yes!
Don't say "printed". Use another word.
Uh, sorry. I'm fine.
I just really don't like that word.
- Coffee was a bad idea, you're a moron.
- Who told you about the coffee?
- [whispering] I didn't.
- Coffee?
You know the way that you get all wired up
when you drink coffee.
Ah.
No. It's all good, Sandra.
It's nothing, boy!
Everything's under control. I've got this.
- What did you do with all my stuff?
- What stuff?
"What stuff", Ivan?
You don't do anything I ask.
Shoes, lipstick. Where are they?
You never ask, you command, Sandra!
Will you please get them
and bring them for me?
Well, "please" changes everything.
- [Ivan and Sandra arguing]
- [Alê] It's okay, princess.
- I'm gonna kill him.
- [Alê] Let's get ready in peace.
- You can get the lipstick and shoes later.
- [Sandra] That man is driving me crazy.
- [protesters shouting]
- You're good. The coast is clear.
Here, give her these shoes.
I'll put them
BREAKFAS
[audience laughing, exclaiming]
- How could I do that?
- [laughs]
Ah, man.
This is awful,
I can't do anything right when I'm sleepy.
I can't think straight,
and I screw everything up.
Now I have two different shoes.
I think my horoscope is Pisces
with a rising pigeon,
because shit follows me everywhere.
Marhaba, Ju! How are you, sweetheart?
I'm like a boss here,
having a little siesta.
Marhaba? Marhaba means "hi", babe.
- I'm in Dubai, babe
- Yeah, he's nearby.
Dubai!
- Bai! Bai!
- Bai!
I'll talk to you later. I have to go,
the sheik thinks I'm charming.
- Salaam Aleikum!
- Salaam Aleikum!
- My fee is 50.
- [Ivan] Ivandro!
- Yeah, I'm coming!
- Pay me first.
What's up?
Ivandro, help me out. I messed up again.
- Look what I did with your mom's Melissas.
- Those are not a pair!
[Ivan] Oh, my God!
And don't mention the name Melissa,
Melissa's my ex.
All she ever did was complain.
Good thing I upgraded to Ju.
She could be a wife.
I don't know Ju.
How can you marry someone I don't know?
When I married your mom,
I wanted to meet her father first,
and well, it was hard.
I showed up
and he wouldn't say a single word!
Why was that?
Maybe I didn't do the séance right
over at the graveyard.
You shouldn't be joking about that.
- You're bad! I'm serious too.
- I'm being serious.
I mean it. You have to be prepared.
- You have to give a testimony for me.
- Testimony?
What testimony?
- What are you being accused of?
- What are you saying?
Stop freaking out, it's not anything bad.
You just have to say a few words.
A speech about
all the good qualities I have.
So you want me to lie?
Come on!
Do you think that you're gonna be able
to give a speech?
- You look spent.
- It's not how I look, it's total fatigue.
I hurt everywhere. Feet, knees, crotch.
There are certain parts
I don't want to know about.
There are parts that are beyond tired,
parts that deserve a funeral.
[audience laughing]
Hold up. Oh, no. Jerusa.
- Still with Jerusa?
- She want to talk.
- Look at you go, Dad!
- The dead are just going to have to rise.
Knock it off. Shh.
My God, Ivandro.
- I'm gonna talk to her.
- I don't wanna hear this.
- It's fine. Hi, Jerusa.
- This is too weird for me.
What? Oh!
You didn't care for the nude?
I really don't know
that I can do any better, no.
[audience chuckling]
No, but in person
it's a lot more photogenic, you know?
[audience laughing]
And you'll be here soon. Okay.
Oh, Marta. How's the picture doing?
- Let's see it.
- Ah, it's looking good.
- Cool.
- He really looks like you in this one.
It looks just the same.
Sandra won't notice. Right?
Well, it might work.
You've got to add a few things,
like her autograph,
and the kiss she left on the photo.
- Autograph it?
- The autograph and the kiss were there.
- Look.
- Oh, my God. It's missing the autograph.
- Got a pen I can use?
- And the lipstick?
I put it down here, do you see it?
- Here it is. I've got it.
- Yeah.
Don't forget to give the shoes to Sandra.
Thanks, Marta.
This sucks ass. I said, this sucks ass.
The price of the Metro
has legit gone up more!
- You know what I'm gonna do?
- [chuckles]
Take a taxi.
'Cause taxis are air-conditioned.
I'm out. This place sucks!
She's like a ghost, that woman.
Appears out of nowhere, I swear.
[audience laughing]
Honestly, this woman is like a meme.
It's so strange.
Listen, alright.
I won't be able to do this trip,
I have to sort out some problems.
No. And putting your hands in the air
isn't going to help anything.
- [people complaining]
- I really can't. I'm sorry.
I have some things I have to do.
Let me put on Sandra's lipstick.
[audience chuckling]
[Ivan] Dude, it's gonna look so great.
"Xuxa."
I should make a business
selling Xuxa's autographs,
- it's identical!
- [Migué] Jesus!
- Ah! For crying out loud.
- [Migué] What is that on your face?
You look like, uh,
a night gone wrong or the Joker.
I was eating açaí.
What's the problem? You've had açaí.
But I try to use the mouth
instead of the face to eat.
Migué, I don't have time for this now.
I don't have time for you.
Okay, be like that.
But I don't need this, you know.
- This gig's no biggie.
- [chuckles]
Not for a mechanical engineer
who's the shit.
I better go to sleep, you know?
I only screw up when I'm tired.
I also screw up when I'm awake,
but when I'm tired, forget it.
The office is closed.
Closed for inventory.
That's it.
FARE R$3,50
CLOSED FOR INVENTORY
- [Ivandro] Everyone's here! What's up?
- [Sandra] Is everything ready?
- How are you? Hey, listen.
- Where is he?
I told Alê to go look for your dad.
He's gone.
He brought me two different shoes,
and no lipstick.
How are you? Thanks for coming.
- Oh, hello, Mauricio!
- [Alê] Ivan! Ivan!
What are you doing in there?
This is unbelievable.
What's wrong with you?
Lipstick? Are you hooking up
during you son's party?
You've got to pull yourself together.
Come on, let's go.
Look, my friends!
- See who I found! Yay!
- [guests cheering]
- [Alê] We're going to start the show.
- [indistinct chatter]
[guests] We want you! We want you!
I'm very good with words,
I always flirt my way out of tickets
with the police.
Why is he still wearing lipstick?
You're supposed to talk about me.
Don't worry, I've got this.
It's time for my show.
Ivan, better tell that tramp you were with
her taste in lipstick is awful!
Let me get the pictures ready.
Can I get the remote?
- [chattering]
- Thank you.
I just want to show you
a few pictures tonight.
I'd like to begin by congratulating my son
and showing a picture.
[guests groaning] Ah!
Look, isn't he cute?
Let me show you another.
- [guests exclaiming]
- Ivan!
- [Ivan] In this picture
- [guests shouting]
Let me finish, Sandra!
Sandra never lets me finish,
for crying out loud.
Hey, let's respect the kid.
He was little and bald, had a big head,
- but eventually
- [shouting continues]
What is it?
You need to show a little kindness.
He couldn't help that he was ugly.
Would you look at the screen, Ivan?
- [guest] Impressive.
- Oh, my God, what did I Get out the way.
[stammers] I just wanted to show you
a photo of my little boy with Xuxa,
I'm sorry.
- I can't believe this.
- [Ivan] Jerusa's here?
- How beautiful.
- Jerusa, it's not what it looks like.
When all the men I know are this awful,
maybe I should stick with animals!
You promised me this nude picture
- was just for the two of us.
- It is.
So why have you shown it
to every citizen in Brazil?
- [guests mocking]
- Huh?
- It was a malfunction.
- "A malfunction."
- And I ended up on OnlyFans.
- Oh, you have an OnlyFans? Ah!
And what's going on
with the cheap lipstick
- all over your face?
- Lipstick?
You were together
with that dirty tramp ex of yours!
- Really, bitch? [laughs]
- [guests exclaiming]
- Oh!
- [exclaiming continues]
- Hey, now.
- [phone beeps]
Marcão Ten Inch? Well, hi!
It's the lovely Jerusa.
Turns out I'm a free woman.
Fasten your seatbelt,
we're going for a ride.
- Alright?
- [audience exclaiming]
You know this guy ain't worth it, right?
Get rid of him. I'm outta here.
[guests and audience exclaiming, laughing]
When you were showing your photo,
I saw a mole you have right over here.
Whoa, Mrs. Ivone! What are you doing?
You don't need to grab me to tell me.
- A doctor should inspect that.
- I'm gonna see a doctor. Thank you.
- We'll talk about this later.
- You should sit down.
Let's get this photo off.
We don't need to see it. Hold on.
I just want to be clear.
Even though I screwed up, my son is
a completely different person than me.
He is a professional with integrity,
who does the right thing.
Let's give our employee of the month
a round of applause,
- my brilliant son Ivandro!
- [guests cheering, applauding]
- Listen up!
- [Ivan] The meme woman.
I wanted food,
so I used the app to order some.
I complained but no one answered me!
And I have the same issue
when I order my food!
They send this one guy on a motorcycle.
Every time I order stroganoff,
I get risotto.
- [Sandra] That's ridiculous!
- [Ivan] That's crazy.
[woman] Hey! Uh You!
- That's the guy over there.
- What you say?
You screwed up all of my orders,
you understand that?
[all shouting, indistinct]
- All natural and handsome as hell!
- And he's ugly too!
- [Ivan] Oh, this is bad.
- [all shouting, indistinct]
- [Ivan] Calm down!
- [shouting continues]
Ivan! You ruined my life!
I want you and all of your things
to get the hell out of my house now!
Now let me find that woman and kill her!
- [audience cheering]
- [theme song playing]
[theme song continues]
[music fades]