Family Matters s01e06 Episode Script

Rain Man? Ghostbusters? - Lethal Weapon 2? - Time's up.
The Un-Bear-Bull-Light-Nest-Bean.
The Unbearable Lightness of Being.
I thought you said we were doing movie titles.
Your turn, Spielberg.
Here's a real movie title.
Go.
- Batman.
- Batman.
How did you know? Just a lucky guess.
- Hi, honey.
- Morning, Mom.
What does everyone want? - Pancakes.
- French toast.
How about pizza? How about this.
We're having eggs and you've got two choices: Scrambled or raw.
Scrambled.
- Morning, everyone.
- Good morning, Dad.
- Morning, Dad.
- You want some eggs? Oh, no, I got up real early, showered and had a big breakfast.
Oh! At least you showered.
No one else can get in there.
Is my mother still in the shower? - She'll miss her train to Milwaukee.
- She's almost finished.
When I walked by, she was singing the last verse of "Stormy Weather.
" - I'm next.
- I'm next.
You're little.
You can wash in the sink.
- Good morning, everyone.
- Morning.
Morning, auntie.
Fabulous news.
Little Richie just spoke his first word.
You're kidding.
What did he say? Mama.
Aw Wait a minute.
He's only 9 months old.
Are you sure about this? I was there.
He looked right at my face and said, "Mama.
" Why is every kid's first word always "Mama"? Not Eddie.
His first word was: "Huh?" Come on, honey.
Say, "Mama.
" Come on, sweetheart.
Say, "Mama.
" Mama.
See? See, what did I say? - Oh, do it again.
- Come on, honey, do it again.
I'm not in the mood.
Cut it out, Carl.
He really can say it.
Can't go on Everything I've got is gone Stormy weather Good morning, everyone.
Shower's free.
Say goodbye to your grandmother.
- Bye, Grandma.
- Bye, honey.
- Mother Winslow, guess what.
- What, honey? Little Richie spoke his first word.
Oh, that's sweet.
What did he say? - "Mama.
" - Oh, that's cute.
Carl's first word was "doughnut.
" Mama, I don't wanna rush you, but you've got a train to catch.
How long will you be staying at Frank and Maxine's? Ten days, and I'm looking forward to it.
You know, at Frank's, I have my own bathroom and shower.
Yeah, but that cheapskate makes you rent your towels.
Carl's brother has three bathrooms.
They all have showers and one with a hot tub.
- Mama, can we go? - And a whirlpool.
- Oh! - Mama, I'm a cop.
Frank makes more money than I do.
He's a carpet salesman.
You should see their rugs, honey.
Especially the one on his head.
Can we go? Say, "bye-bye.
" Say, "bye-bye.
" Say, "Bye-bye, Grandma.
" - "Bye" - Okay, honey.
When he's ready, have him call me.
- Hey, dumpling.
- Hi, baby.
- Your mama get off okay? - Oh, right on time.
Harriette, all the way to the station all my mother could talk about was Frank's bathrooms.
So I told her that when she comes back, there will be a shower in her bathroom and she won't have to rent the towels.
I wanna get started on it right away.
Oh, hold it, hold it.
Wait a minute.
Wait a minute.
Wait a minute.
I knew should've gone with you.
What are you talking about? Harriette, we need another shower.
I could work nights and weekends.
I'll be done by the time Mama gets back.
Wait a minute, Carl.
You aren't thinking about doing this yourself, are you? And why not? I don't want you ripping up the house, making it unlivable and forcing the whole family to move into a hotel.
I only did that once.
And that was before I joined the Tool of the Month Club.
Harriette, I happen to be very good with my hands.
I built that swing set for the kids.
No, you didn't.
You bought the wood which is still sitting on a shelf in the garage somewhere.
- Well, who put up the shelf? - I did.
Okay.
Who built that birdhouse? You mean the one that was condemned by the Audubon Society? Okay, bad example.
I'm talking bathroom fixtures here, Harriette.
Nowadays, these showers come in kits.
A mere child could do it.
Honey I know you mean well but plumbing is out of your league.
I think we ought to get an estimate from a contractor.
A contractor? Now, that's an insult.
And it's just throwing away money.
What's burning? Toaster's on the blink again.
That's the last thing you fixed.
I did fix it.
Just like new.
Okay, one estimate.
So how soon you need this shower? Well, it's has to be done within 10 days.
It's a present for my mother.
I always give my mother a book.
Why don't I get us something cold to drink? Let's see.
Me and my crew.
Figure in the little overhead.
Yeah, there.
There's the damage.
Whoa.
Heh, heh, heh.
Sylvia.
Whoo.
You know, I'm real bad at bargaining, so let me just ask you straight out.
Are you crazy? Mr.
Winslow, I am doing the best I can.
I'm giving you the materials at cost.
Yeah, but this is way, way, way more than I wanted to spend.
You'll never get anybody do it for less than that.
Oh, well Thank you for your time, Sylvia, but I think I will.
I'll just do it myself.
Let me guess.
You're a member of the Tool of the Month Club.
Well, yeah.
I thought so.
I'll be seeing you soon.
Have I told you how pretty your hair looks today? Where's Sylvia? - I let her go.
- I'll see if I can catch her.
Now, Harriette, she's long gone now.
She just wanted way too much money.
I decided to do this myself.
Carl, you don't have a clue how to put in a shower.
Harriette, all you do is rip out your linen closet run your pipes, install your lines and pop your shower in.
Now, what could be simpler? You hire Sylvia.
Carl, I asked around.
She's very good and you can't find anybody cheaper.
Harriette, I'm good and I'm free.
Now, honey, I really wanna do this myself.
Carl, how can you do this yourself? Sylvia works with a crew.
- Hi.
- Meet my crew.
Edward, guess what.
You are gonna help me put in a shower in your grandmother's bathroom.
Oh, no.
Is this gonna be like the time we put up the spice rack? No, this will only take a week.
Testing, one, two.
Okay, Richie, we're rolling.
I don't know why you need that tape recorder.
All he does is drool.
This is an historic moment.
We will all listen to this when Richie is all grown-up and president.
Come on, sweetheart.
Say, "Mama.
" "Mama.
" Maybe he'll be vice president.
Easy around in there.
Watch yourself now.
Watch the door, Ease it in.
That's it.
That's it.
Come on.
Oh, wait a minute.
The rug's got it, back up a little bit.
Too much.
You guys aren't gonna be working anywhere near my room, are you? Come on.
Oh, Eddie, guess what.
Lori Martin called.
She wanted to know if you could meet her at the roller rink.
Lori Martin called me? Well, what did you tell her? Oh, I just told her that you were gonna be in the bathroom for a week.
Why am I always the one who has to help? Because, son, we are the men in this house.
And working with our hands is what men do.
Well, what do women do? I don't know, son.
- How's it going? - Great.
We're just about ready to rip out this wall.
Carl, I think we should call the contractor.
Call her.
Tell them to come over.
Maybe she can learn something, right, Eddie? If you'll excuse us, Harriette we men have some serious shower installing to do.
Oh, okay, Carl.
If you need anything, we women will be in the kitchen churning butter and tending the young ones.
Okay, son.
Let's get this puppy started.
Now, we gotta find the stud beam and work from there.
Hollow.
Hollow.
Hollow.
There she is.
Hand me a nail, I'll mark it.
Oh, here, put these on.
- Why? - Remember, son, safety first.
Oh! Ow! Ow! Okay, that stud beam's marked.
Thanks, honey.
Mmm.
Yum, yum, yum, yum.
Yum, yum, yum, yum.
Who's feeding you? Mama.
And who do you love? Mama.
And who loves you? Mama.
Rachel, he's a baby, not a parrot.
Well, he said it a few days ago, clear as a bell.
Sometimes babies will say a word then weeks will go by before they'll say it again.
Rachel, you know, it's possible he burped and you thought he said "Mama.
" Carl, he said, "Mama.
" I'm gonna put it on tape and prove it to everybody.
Come on, Richie.
We'll break this down into syllables.
"Ma.
" Now, say that twice and you got it.
Carl when can I see the bathroom? - Not yet, not yet.
It's still a work in progress.
Eddie and I don't want anybody to see it until it's finished.
Hello? Oh, hi, Mother Winslow.
How's Frank? Well, I know he's cheap.
Okay, thanks for calling.
Bye.
Didn't she wanna talk to me? Yeah, but she was calling from the payphone in Frank's kitchen.
She'll talk to you tomorrow night when she gets home.
Tomorrow night? She's supposed to be gone another four days.
Said she can't stand another day with Frank.
Every time he takes her to a restaurant, he makes her order from the children's menu.
- Tomorrow night? - Good night, everyone.
- Whoa, whoa.
Where are you going? - Out? Your grandmother's coming home tomorrow.
We have to finish that shower.
- But, Dad, I made plans.
- Well, I'm sorry, your plans have changed.
- Oh, Dad.
- Ow! I thought you said you were almost finished.
I am.
The hard part's done.
Everything else is cosmetic.
This doesn't need cosmetics.
It needs major surgery.
This is worse than the time Dad put up the spice rack.
Mom, does this mean we get to go to a hotel again? No.
Girls, could you leave us alone? Let's go pack our bags, just in case.
Eddie, I need to talk to your dad.
Why don't you take a break? Thanks, Mom.
I won't forget this.
Carl, this has gone far enough.
I want you to give it up and call the contractor.
Harriette, I can finish this.
I'm so close.
The plumbing is all done and that's the hard part.
- You mean the shower's working? - Absolutely, I'll show you.
I don't get it, I did everything right.
Carl.
- Carl? - What? - There's water coming from the sink.
- Turn it off.
I said, turn it off! - I did.
- Well, turn it back on! It's just the pipes flushing themselves out.
It's fine now.
- Mind if I try something? - Go ahead.
- What are you doing? - Nice going, Carl.
You have to work the shower from the sink.
I must've crossed the pipes somewhere.
Oh, no problem.
It's fine.
You just can't shower alone.
Harriette, this is very easy to fix.
All I have to do is rip out the shower, tear up the floor reconnect some pipes, slap on some drywall lay some tile, grout it and tidy up a bit.
It's over, Carl.
Harriette, look, I know this looks bad.
Looks bad? You've got to turn on the shower from the sink.
Harriette, I really wanted to do this for my mother.
Look around.
It's not gonna happen.
Well, I might as well face it.
I'm not as handy as I think I am.
Oh, honey.
It's okay.
You're good at so many other things.
Yeah, but, honey being good with your hands is part of what makes a man.
Being good with your hands is not what makes a man.
It's being good with your heart.
And when it comes to that, you're about the best there is.
Thank you, honey.
I needed that.
What am I gonna do about this mess? Well, we can either call Sylvia or board up the room.
Oh, fine.
What am I gonna tell her? That I'm an idiot? That I destroyed my bathroom? That I made a fool of myself? Oh, honey, you don't have to tell her that.
When she sees this, she'll know.
- Oh, hi, honey.
- Hi, Mother Winslow.
I'm sorry you didn't have a good time at Frank's house.
Honey, the older that man gets, the cheaper he gets.
The other night, we had a fight over dinner.
- Why? - I wanted some.
Am I glad to be home.
I'm exhausted.
Mama? I know exactly what you need.
A nice hot shower in your own bathroom.
Now, Carl, don't tease a tired, hungry old lady.
Did you really put a shower in my bathroom? I said I would, didn't I? Oh, I can't hardly wait to see it.
Bring my suitcase.
You know I took a bunch of Frank's towels.
Knowing Frank, they probably weren't his to begin with.
Now, that explains why they say "Howard Johnson's.
" Carl, Harriette, I don't know what to say.
This is beautiful.
Well, I have to admit, Ma, it came out pretty nice.
Carl, I never realize you were this handy.
It looks professional.
Well, thank you, Mama.
It is.
You mean you didn't do it yourself? No, Mother Winslow, we hired a contractor.
Oh, I'm glad to hear that.
Only a fool would mess with plumbing.
- You're right, Mama.
- You know there was a time when Carl was pigheaded enough to try to do this all by himself.
Well, that was a long time ago, Mama.
Oh, Harriette, Carl.
Thank you so much.
I love you.
Well, I think I'll take a shower now.
- Enjoy it, Mama.
- God bless.
Sounds like she likes it.
I think she's proud of you, Carl.
Come on, I'll make you a milkshake.
You deserve it.
I do, don't I? Well, look who's up.
Rachel, I'm making a milkshake for Carl.
Would you like one too? No, thanks.
Richie, who am I? Mama.
Oh, Rachel, give it up.
He'll speak when he has something to say.
He already spoke.
And when he speaks again, I'm gonna be ready.
Oh, no.
I need new batteries.
Mama will be right back.
Mama.
Carl, get me the milkshake glasses.
- They're in the cabinet in the other room.
- Oh, okay.
Hey, honey, where in the cabinet? Never mind.
I'll get them myself.
Mama.