Family Tools (2013) s01e06 Episode Script
Role Model
Hey.
What are you doing, replacing a fuse? You might as well replace your whole family, because they're gonna burn down along with your house.
Yeah.
Call Mr.
Jiffy Fix, the finest handyman outfit in town.
Which I am in no way affiliated with.
Thank you.
- What are you doing, Tony? - Hmm? I told you if you're gonna solicit the customers, You got to do it across the street with the day laborers.
Stitch, you got to oil these wheels, man.
They're rusting into place.
We need that rust.
Ever since the brakes stopped working, it's the only thing that stops poor grandpa Ellis from rolling downhill.
Okay.
Okay.
Stitch, we got to get him a new chair.
This is ridiculous.
Maybe one of those electric ones like the fat people use.
What you think, grandpa? Huh? You want a new chair? I think he's on board.
Darren, we can't afford a new chair.
We've had exactly one customer all morning, and somebody just talked her out of buying a fuse.
What about a used chair? Mr.
Fornaca's been on life support since last week.
Now's the time to lowball.
Ellis has been my best friend for 30-some years.
I think he deserves better than some dying guy's wheelchair.
Well, T, what do you suggest we do? I'll come shopping with you make sure you get a good deal.
I'm a great negotiator.
The secret is knowing when to walk away.
Sorry, Ellis.
I'm a small-town guy who took over his dad's fix-it business after he decided to retire.
My aunt takes care of him, whether he likes it or not.
Her son is weird.
Now I'm the boss.
Dad's assistant works for me, sort of.
His sister likes me, I think.
Being in charge is tough, but nothing I can't handle.
I'll fix that! Ah, Mrs.
McCormick.
Come in, please.
Sit down.
Okay.
Principal Grieshaber, is everything okay? Yes.
I just wanted to tell you how wonderful your son is.
Really? No.
He is in a world of trouble.
O kay.
Um W w what am I looking at here? Well, it used to be a toilet one of our strongest flushers until Mason and his little friends blew it up.
My Mason? That's impossible! He doesn't even have friends! And he would never do something like that.
We have it on tape.
You tape the boys' room? One of his friends recorded it and put it on the Internet.
And I'm sorry, but I'm going to have to give him a five-day suspension.
What? Unless Yes.
We do have a fundraiser coming up next week, and we need someone to sew "Battlin' Bumblebee" plush toys.
Oh.
Well Mason doesn't sew.
Oh, that's too bad.
Yeah.
- Do you? - W well Great! We need 100 by Monday.
Oh, no, no.
I c I couldn't possibly.
I have I have my hands full.
I mean, I I just finished doing Mason's, um helping Mason with his science project and prep for S.
A.
T.
s, so I I couldn Well, I don't even know how Mason's going to get into college with "lavatory destruction" on his record.
This is blackmail.
No.
This is school spirit.
Go ahead.
Tell your dad what you did.
Me and some other kids blew up a toilet at school.
Nice! Way to go, Mase! Did you even read the e-mail I sent about what to say?! Right.
Right.
Um Your mother and I are very, very disappointed Yo, yo, Hector! My boy blew up a toilet! Just like your old man, hey?! - What did you use cherry bomb? - M-80.
Hey, you know what'd make a sweet toilet bomb? Semtex! Hell yeah! Hell yeah! That bitch would crater nice, huh? Boom! Okay, thanks for the input.
This sucks! Why can't I go to "Maplepalooza"? Oh, I don't know.
Is it because you left a bowl in the sink this morning or because you blew up a toilet? What's "Maplepalooza"? You know, that concert they hold outside of town every year.
When I was growing up, they called it "Maple-aid.
" Yeah, in my day, it was "Maple-stock.
" Okay, well, it's been a million things, okay? "Lilith Maple," "Maple-Chella" Yeah, the worst was "Burning Maple.
" Lost six houses and an orchard that year.
I remember that.
Mom, let me go to "Maplepalooza," and you can take away the TV in my bedroom.
That's my TV.
You're all against me! I don't know what to do with him anymore.
He won't listen to me, his dad is useless.
A teenage boy needs a strong male role model.
Tony? Pass.
Come on! He's terrified of you.
You can scare him straight.
Aunt Terry, you don't want to motivate with fear.
No, you want to lead by example guide him to make the right decisions on his own.
Are you applying for the job? Well, I not r I mean, well, maybe.
Yeah, I yeah, I was a mentor in a youth program.
Didn't one of those youths rob you at gunpoint? That was not Corbin's fault.
I tried to make eye contact too early.
What about this one? Oh, real nice, Stitch.
Why don't we just throw him in a grocery cart and let a bag lady push him around? Oh! This is it! This is it! This is sexy.
Oh, grandpa, you gonna be scoring some silver tail with these wheels.
Oh! "Reclining back, active suspension" It holds up to 650 pounds.
Hear that, Ellis? You can eat as much as you want.
I can load him up with bags of cement, and then he can carry them out to customers' cars.
Oh, yeah! This is the ride for grandpa! Ho! With this price tag, it should come with a cure.
All right.
Don't worry about that.
Let me take care of it.
Hey, can we get a little service here? Show you how to work these chumps.
The key is, pretend like you're not interested.
Okay.
Can I help you? Nope.
Nope.
Okay.
I'll go get him.
You know, Mason, I know how it is, buddy.
I went to high school, too.
What the hell?! Sorry about your picnic again.
Thank you.
And and I know how important it is to belong to a group.
What group did you belong to? Um I belonged to the you know, not-quite-popular, semi-athletic, smart-but-not-too-smart, not-ugly-but-not- particularly-pretty group.
And it was great for a while, but I realized that they were using me for car rides because they were of the not-quite-16 group, so Oh, geez.
Our bad.
You know, let me tell you a cautionary tale, Mason Heads up! Thank you.
Uh, about a young fella who succumbed to peer pressure, trying to get a laugh, and ended up sticking a very sensitive part of his body into a hot-tub jet.
Was that you? Let's not worry about I I think it's an urban myth.
My point is that our hero did not get the laugh that he had hoped for, and he missed a regional wrestling tournament.
It was you! Okay.
Y I'll get it.
My bad.
What's going on here, guys? Have some respect.
This is a municipal water-treatment substation.
Bite me.
Oh.
Hey, Mason.
These are the exact kind of kids we're saying you shouldn't hang out with.
Ryan! Liam! What's up? Yo, Mason! What's up, yo? Hey! All right, we're leaving.
Get in the van.
Who's the perv? It's not that kind of van.
Come on, Mason, let's go.
Ah, chill out, Jack.
These guys are cool.
Wait you're his cousin Jack? Mason talks about you all the time.
Really? You once jumped off a two-story house, right? That's epic.
Well jumped, fell rither way, yeah, I did it.
You're so badass.
Thank you for saying so.
He shot himself in the foot, like, twice.
What?! Did it hurt? Not that much.
But I it got really infected.
The E.
R.
guy threw up when he saw it.
Sick.
Necrotic, yo.
Sir, no matter how many times you crack your knuckles, it's still gonna be $7,999.
You know, you're not the only game in town.
We can go to the store over on Elm.
Go ahead.
That's where I got mine.
For $7,999.
- Tony? - Yeah.
Isn't that the model with the exploding-battery problem? Yeah, I saw that on "20/20" disabled people flying everywhere.
That was a hell of a re-enactment.
I hope you're not planning on buying this deathtrap for our grandfather.
Not at this price point.
Walk away like you mean it.
Stitch, jingle your keys.
Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
Let me run this past my boss.
You do that.
Good news.
I can give it to you for $7,999.
Damn, he's good.
Okay.
And that makes Six?! Oh, my God.
When is this gonna end? - Kenny.
- Terry.
I haven't seen you since my azaleas and I destroyed you at the garden show.
Mm.
And that was six months ago.
And you're here to gloat now? Yes.
And I'm in charge of the school fundraising committee.
You? I'm here to check in on your Bumblebee factory.
Is it buzzing? A hive of activity? That's all I have.
Wait.
Honey.
Misshapen.
Floppy head.
Flaccid stinger.
Well, you should know.
At best, these are Bumble-D's.
Start over.
What? But I've been working on those all day! Ohh! How tragic for you! Now get back to work.
Chop-chop.
I'll just take these for my French bulldog.
She's in heat.
Guys! Guys! Check out this crazy video I found! The dude eats his own Shh! I want them to hear this part.
That's the thing about it.
It wasn't just good music.
It was true.
Wish I'd been there with you, back when music meant something.
When I was your age, the Chumbawamba tribute band, Wambachumba, they played at "Maple-aid.
" I can't believe I didn't go.
Wow.
That sucks.
Oh, no.
It's fine.
Back then, it was cool not to do what you wanted to do, you know? So, instead, I stayed and helped paint my Spanish teacher's fence.
Yeah, that's great.
Guys, this video's gonna make you puke your Dude, if you want, you can come to "Maplepalooza" with us.
Wait what?! You don't want to hang out with an old guy like me.
What? Man.
No way.
You're one of us.
Oh, I naw, I really? - Pound it, dawg.
- Yeah.
Pound it.
Yeah.
Jack, can I talk to you in your room for a second, please? Jack, you know my mom won't let me go.
What are you doing?! I'm teaching you a lesson.
What lesson? You know if I do things that that you want to do, then you're gonna want to be more like me.
Role modeling.
Hey, broheims.
Who wants to blade down to the mini-mart for some mucho munchies? - Down.
- Ditto, yo.
Sorry, Ellis.
That guy was a master.
Yeah, he was so good, I almost bought an insulin pump on spec.
Mm.
Don't worry, grandpa.
We can make this chair work.
We are handymen.
We'll trick out this chair ourselves.
Yeah.
Yeah! Let's pimp this ride.
I'm in! "Pimp" means, like, aftermarket improvements, right? Yeah.
Let's do it! You okay? I'm trying to remember a time before bumblebees.
It's all gone now.
Why didn't I savor it, Jack? Yeah.
There, there I'm not sure what you want from me here.
Oh, I need a break.
I need a break from this.
Yeah.
Oh, God.
How is it going with Mason? Mason? Y yes Mason.
You were gonna be a positive male influence.
Oh, yeah.
That's what I'm do Yeah, I'm rea that's really positive.
Really male, really influency.
As a matter of fact, I think, um, we're closer than ever.
You betrayed me! But we're closer than ever.
I'm getting along with your friends.
Actually, you're kind of stealing my friends.
What? Oh, buddy.
I'm not stealing your friends.
We're just chillin'.
Yeah, they hang out with you, they laugh at all your stupid jokes, listen to your old-lady music, and now you're all going to "Maplepalooza" without me.
Hey, man, that's your mom's bag.
If it was up to me, I'd let you hang with me and my homes.
Open your eyes, Jack.
The only reason they're hanging out with you is because they want you to buy beer.
Not Ryan.
We pounded it.
It was Ryan's idea for me to ask you.
They're using you! Looking good, grandpa! Yeah, he is! Go ahead, buddy.
Give it some gas.
Damn.
Guess I gave it too much torque.
Glow necklace check.
"Cat in the hat" hat check.
Hand sanitizer Check.
I am so ready to rage.
So, Jack, you ready to party? Oh, yeah! Beer brick? We're going large! "N.
A.
"? Yeah, non-alcoholic.
What the hell? My great-aunt Ruth drinks this stuff.
We thought you were cool.
Uh, no, you didn't think I was cool.
You were using me so that I could buy you booze.
Obviously.
Why else would we hang out with a dork in his mid-30s? Early-to mid-30s.
You know what? You're not cool, all right? I know what happens to guys like you you end up staying here in Mapleport, working dead-end jobs Living in your dad's basement.
This is a temporary situation.
I am a small-business owner, thank you very much.
We are the backbone of this great nation.
And I've had sex.
Oh, yeah? Well, I Let's go, man.
Toodles.
Man, that felt good! Where are you going? The concert.
No, no, no, dude.
You're grounded.
I don't care.
You never went, and you regret it.
I don't want that to happen to me.
All right, man.
You know what? You're right.
Go.
Really? I didn't think that was gonna work! Thanks, Jack! I couldn't find him.
I tried the hospital, the jail, and the morgue.
By the way, cremate me.
You guys find anything? Just a pissed-off touch-football team.
He intercepted a pass and took off with the ball.
Yeah, the bouncer at the strip club said he had to throw him out.
Apparently, he got too handsy.
Well, that's how he sees.
He's not blind, T.
We don't know that.
Terry.
Surprise inspection.
Oh, my God.
Kenny? How did you even get in here? I have my ways.
The back door was unlocked.
The dishes are really piling up, by the way.
You know what I have scissors in my hand, and I know how to use them.
Mm.
Really? I'm not convinced you do.
You know what? I don't give a crap about these bees.
The only reason I'm doing it is 'cause Grieshaber's blackmailing me! You too? I'm only heading the committee so he'll let Tamara retake her yearbook photo.
She had a sty.
Oh! My God! He is such a jerk! This would be so much easier if I didn't love my stupid kid so much.
Tell me about it.
I dreamed one day of running a gallery, not cutting the crusts off endless PB&Js.
Yes.
Wet crust looks so weird in the sink.
Okay.
You know, I really do need some fun in my life.
You know what would be fun? Burn in hell, bees.
Wow.
I didn't realize synthetic fibers were so toxic.
What does a green flame mean? Come on.
Hey, Liam, why are we driving so slow? Some old geezer in a wheelchair's blocking the road.
Look at this guy! He totally stalled out! How much if I get a peanut in Morgie Freeman's lap? Yeah, move! What are you doing out here? Well, we are sticking it to the man and burning bumblebees.
And you were upset with Mason for blowing up a toilet? Yes! Mason should be seeing this! This is different, because this is under parental supervision.
Where's Mason? Um Oh I I think in the b basement, being grounded, per your orders.
Where is he? - "Maplepalooza.
" Sorry.
- Damn it, Jack! Family drama, and exit Kenny.
Okay, I grounded him, and you told him he should go.
Well, he's a good kid.
I think we should trust him.
There is no "we" here.
No.
Okay? I am the parent.
You do not get to make that call.
Hey, guys.
Did, uh, grandpa happen to swing by here? Uh, when was the last time Ellis swung by anywhere? Oh you know, sometimes when the When the mood strikes him, he'll Yeah, we we lost him.
You lost him? H he's not that fast.
He is now.
Well, we never really saw him as a flight risk, so Okay, we got to regroup and comb the woods.
We need flashlights, jerky, and whistles.
I can't go because I have to go - drag Mason's delinquent butt back from "Maplepalooza.
" - Sorry.
Yeah, like you didn't sneak off to "Monsters of Maple.
" You know what? Yeah I was I was a little bit more mature than Mason.
Is that why you came home with a motorhead tattoo on your butt? Okay.
Not for everyone here to listen to.
Hey, what's everybody doing out here? Ellis! Oh, sweet! What's on fire? Oh, thank God! Yeah, I found him in the middle of the road, and I couldn't just leave him there.
So, you missed a concert to help an old man in need.
That is very responsible, isn't it, Aunt Terry? Uh no, it isn't.
You're still wrong, and you're still in trouble.
But you did bring Ellis back, so you deserve to have some fun.
Whoo! Put your lighters up! Will you cut it out, mom? I go to school with that guy.
I made it! Scalper charged me a fortune, but I don't care! What'd I miss?! Thank you, Mapleport! We'll see you next year! Drive safely! Hello, Principal Grieshaber.
Here are your Bumblebees.
- What the - The parents of this school will not be exploited by you anymore.
Sorry to interrupt.
I just thought you might need these in case some parents weren't as dedicated as others.
Kenny? What the hell?! Also, thank you for rescheduling Tamara's yearbook photo shoot.
Thank you, Kenny.
If only every parent could be more like you.
What are you doing, replacing a fuse? You might as well replace your whole family, because they're gonna burn down along with your house.
Yeah.
Call Mr.
Jiffy Fix, the finest handyman outfit in town.
Which I am in no way affiliated with.
Thank you.
- What are you doing, Tony? - Hmm? I told you if you're gonna solicit the customers, You got to do it across the street with the day laborers.
Stitch, you got to oil these wheels, man.
They're rusting into place.
We need that rust.
Ever since the brakes stopped working, it's the only thing that stops poor grandpa Ellis from rolling downhill.
Okay.
Okay.
Stitch, we got to get him a new chair.
This is ridiculous.
Maybe one of those electric ones like the fat people use.
What you think, grandpa? Huh? You want a new chair? I think he's on board.
Darren, we can't afford a new chair.
We've had exactly one customer all morning, and somebody just talked her out of buying a fuse.
What about a used chair? Mr.
Fornaca's been on life support since last week.
Now's the time to lowball.
Ellis has been my best friend for 30-some years.
I think he deserves better than some dying guy's wheelchair.
Well, T, what do you suggest we do? I'll come shopping with you make sure you get a good deal.
I'm a great negotiator.
The secret is knowing when to walk away.
Sorry, Ellis.
I'm a small-town guy who took over his dad's fix-it business after he decided to retire.
My aunt takes care of him, whether he likes it or not.
Her son is weird.
Now I'm the boss.
Dad's assistant works for me, sort of.
His sister likes me, I think.
Being in charge is tough, but nothing I can't handle.
I'll fix that! Ah, Mrs.
McCormick.
Come in, please.
Sit down.
Okay.
Principal Grieshaber, is everything okay? Yes.
I just wanted to tell you how wonderful your son is.
Really? No.
He is in a world of trouble.
O kay.
Um W w what am I looking at here? Well, it used to be a toilet one of our strongest flushers until Mason and his little friends blew it up.
My Mason? That's impossible! He doesn't even have friends! And he would never do something like that.
We have it on tape.
You tape the boys' room? One of his friends recorded it and put it on the Internet.
And I'm sorry, but I'm going to have to give him a five-day suspension.
What? Unless Yes.
We do have a fundraiser coming up next week, and we need someone to sew "Battlin' Bumblebee" plush toys.
Oh.
Well Mason doesn't sew.
Oh, that's too bad.
Yeah.
- Do you? - W well Great! We need 100 by Monday.
Oh, no, no.
I c I couldn't possibly.
I have I have my hands full.
I mean, I I just finished doing Mason's, um helping Mason with his science project and prep for S.
A.
T.
s, so I I couldn Well, I don't even know how Mason's going to get into college with "lavatory destruction" on his record.
This is blackmail.
No.
This is school spirit.
Go ahead.
Tell your dad what you did.
Me and some other kids blew up a toilet at school.
Nice! Way to go, Mase! Did you even read the e-mail I sent about what to say?! Right.
Right.
Um Your mother and I are very, very disappointed Yo, yo, Hector! My boy blew up a toilet! Just like your old man, hey?! - What did you use cherry bomb? - M-80.
Hey, you know what'd make a sweet toilet bomb? Semtex! Hell yeah! Hell yeah! That bitch would crater nice, huh? Boom! Okay, thanks for the input.
This sucks! Why can't I go to "Maplepalooza"? Oh, I don't know.
Is it because you left a bowl in the sink this morning or because you blew up a toilet? What's "Maplepalooza"? You know, that concert they hold outside of town every year.
When I was growing up, they called it "Maple-aid.
" Yeah, in my day, it was "Maple-stock.
" Okay, well, it's been a million things, okay? "Lilith Maple," "Maple-Chella" Yeah, the worst was "Burning Maple.
" Lost six houses and an orchard that year.
I remember that.
Mom, let me go to "Maplepalooza," and you can take away the TV in my bedroom.
That's my TV.
You're all against me! I don't know what to do with him anymore.
He won't listen to me, his dad is useless.
A teenage boy needs a strong male role model.
Tony? Pass.
Come on! He's terrified of you.
You can scare him straight.
Aunt Terry, you don't want to motivate with fear.
No, you want to lead by example guide him to make the right decisions on his own.
Are you applying for the job? Well, I not r I mean, well, maybe.
Yeah, I yeah, I was a mentor in a youth program.
Didn't one of those youths rob you at gunpoint? That was not Corbin's fault.
I tried to make eye contact too early.
What about this one? Oh, real nice, Stitch.
Why don't we just throw him in a grocery cart and let a bag lady push him around? Oh! This is it! This is it! This is sexy.
Oh, grandpa, you gonna be scoring some silver tail with these wheels.
Oh! "Reclining back, active suspension" It holds up to 650 pounds.
Hear that, Ellis? You can eat as much as you want.
I can load him up with bags of cement, and then he can carry them out to customers' cars.
Oh, yeah! This is the ride for grandpa! Ho! With this price tag, it should come with a cure.
All right.
Don't worry about that.
Let me take care of it.
Hey, can we get a little service here? Show you how to work these chumps.
The key is, pretend like you're not interested.
Okay.
Can I help you? Nope.
Nope.
Okay.
I'll go get him.
You know, Mason, I know how it is, buddy.
I went to high school, too.
What the hell?! Sorry about your picnic again.
Thank you.
And and I know how important it is to belong to a group.
What group did you belong to? Um I belonged to the you know, not-quite-popular, semi-athletic, smart-but-not-too-smart, not-ugly-but-not- particularly-pretty group.
And it was great for a while, but I realized that they were using me for car rides because they were of the not-quite-16 group, so Oh, geez.
Our bad.
You know, let me tell you a cautionary tale, Mason Heads up! Thank you.
Uh, about a young fella who succumbed to peer pressure, trying to get a laugh, and ended up sticking a very sensitive part of his body into a hot-tub jet.
Was that you? Let's not worry about I I think it's an urban myth.
My point is that our hero did not get the laugh that he had hoped for, and he missed a regional wrestling tournament.
It was you! Okay.
Y I'll get it.
My bad.
What's going on here, guys? Have some respect.
This is a municipal water-treatment substation.
Bite me.
Oh.
Hey, Mason.
These are the exact kind of kids we're saying you shouldn't hang out with.
Ryan! Liam! What's up? Yo, Mason! What's up, yo? Hey! All right, we're leaving.
Get in the van.
Who's the perv? It's not that kind of van.
Come on, Mason, let's go.
Ah, chill out, Jack.
These guys are cool.
Wait you're his cousin Jack? Mason talks about you all the time.
Really? You once jumped off a two-story house, right? That's epic.
Well jumped, fell rither way, yeah, I did it.
You're so badass.
Thank you for saying so.
He shot himself in the foot, like, twice.
What?! Did it hurt? Not that much.
But I it got really infected.
The E.
R.
guy threw up when he saw it.
Sick.
Necrotic, yo.
Sir, no matter how many times you crack your knuckles, it's still gonna be $7,999.
You know, you're not the only game in town.
We can go to the store over on Elm.
Go ahead.
That's where I got mine.
For $7,999.
- Tony? - Yeah.
Isn't that the model with the exploding-battery problem? Yeah, I saw that on "20/20" disabled people flying everywhere.
That was a hell of a re-enactment.
I hope you're not planning on buying this deathtrap for our grandfather.
Not at this price point.
Walk away like you mean it.
Stitch, jingle your keys.
Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
Let me run this past my boss.
You do that.
Good news.
I can give it to you for $7,999.
Damn, he's good.
Okay.
And that makes Six?! Oh, my God.
When is this gonna end? - Kenny.
- Terry.
I haven't seen you since my azaleas and I destroyed you at the garden show.
Mm.
And that was six months ago.
And you're here to gloat now? Yes.
And I'm in charge of the school fundraising committee.
You? I'm here to check in on your Bumblebee factory.
Is it buzzing? A hive of activity? That's all I have.
Wait.
Honey.
Misshapen.
Floppy head.
Flaccid stinger.
Well, you should know.
At best, these are Bumble-D's.
Start over.
What? But I've been working on those all day! Ohh! How tragic for you! Now get back to work.
Chop-chop.
I'll just take these for my French bulldog.
She's in heat.
Guys! Guys! Check out this crazy video I found! The dude eats his own Shh! I want them to hear this part.
That's the thing about it.
It wasn't just good music.
It was true.
Wish I'd been there with you, back when music meant something.
When I was your age, the Chumbawamba tribute band, Wambachumba, they played at "Maple-aid.
" I can't believe I didn't go.
Wow.
That sucks.
Oh, no.
It's fine.
Back then, it was cool not to do what you wanted to do, you know? So, instead, I stayed and helped paint my Spanish teacher's fence.
Yeah, that's great.
Guys, this video's gonna make you puke your Dude, if you want, you can come to "Maplepalooza" with us.
Wait what?! You don't want to hang out with an old guy like me.
What? Man.
No way.
You're one of us.
Oh, I naw, I really? - Pound it, dawg.
- Yeah.
Pound it.
Yeah.
Jack, can I talk to you in your room for a second, please? Jack, you know my mom won't let me go.
What are you doing?! I'm teaching you a lesson.
What lesson? You know if I do things that that you want to do, then you're gonna want to be more like me.
Role modeling.
Hey, broheims.
Who wants to blade down to the mini-mart for some mucho munchies? - Down.
- Ditto, yo.
Sorry, Ellis.
That guy was a master.
Yeah, he was so good, I almost bought an insulin pump on spec.
Mm.
Don't worry, grandpa.
We can make this chair work.
We are handymen.
We'll trick out this chair ourselves.
Yeah.
Yeah! Let's pimp this ride.
I'm in! "Pimp" means, like, aftermarket improvements, right? Yeah.
Let's do it! You okay? I'm trying to remember a time before bumblebees.
It's all gone now.
Why didn't I savor it, Jack? Yeah.
There, there I'm not sure what you want from me here.
Oh, I need a break.
I need a break from this.
Yeah.
Oh, God.
How is it going with Mason? Mason? Y yes Mason.
You were gonna be a positive male influence.
Oh, yeah.
That's what I'm do Yeah, I'm rea that's really positive.
Really male, really influency.
As a matter of fact, I think, um, we're closer than ever.
You betrayed me! But we're closer than ever.
I'm getting along with your friends.
Actually, you're kind of stealing my friends.
What? Oh, buddy.
I'm not stealing your friends.
We're just chillin'.
Yeah, they hang out with you, they laugh at all your stupid jokes, listen to your old-lady music, and now you're all going to "Maplepalooza" without me.
Hey, man, that's your mom's bag.
If it was up to me, I'd let you hang with me and my homes.
Open your eyes, Jack.
The only reason they're hanging out with you is because they want you to buy beer.
Not Ryan.
We pounded it.
It was Ryan's idea for me to ask you.
They're using you! Looking good, grandpa! Yeah, he is! Go ahead, buddy.
Give it some gas.
Damn.
Guess I gave it too much torque.
Glow necklace check.
"Cat in the hat" hat check.
Hand sanitizer Check.
I am so ready to rage.
So, Jack, you ready to party? Oh, yeah! Beer brick? We're going large! "N.
A.
"? Yeah, non-alcoholic.
What the hell? My great-aunt Ruth drinks this stuff.
We thought you were cool.
Uh, no, you didn't think I was cool.
You were using me so that I could buy you booze.
Obviously.
Why else would we hang out with a dork in his mid-30s? Early-to mid-30s.
You know what? You're not cool, all right? I know what happens to guys like you you end up staying here in Mapleport, working dead-end jobs Living in your dad's basement.
This is a temporary situation.
I am a small-business owner, thank you very much.
We are the backbone of this great nation.
And I've had sex.
Oh, yeah? Well, I Let's go, man.
Toodles.
Man, that felt good! Where are you going? The concert.
No, no, no, dude.
You're grounded.
I don't care.
You never went, and you regret it.
I don't want that to happen to me.
All right, man.
You know what? You're right.
Go.
Really? I didn't think that was gonna work! Thanks, Jack! I couldn't find him.
I tried the hospital, the jail, and the morgue.
By the way, cremate me.
You guys find anything? Just a pissed-off touch-football team.
He intercepted a pass and took off with the ball.
Yeah, the bouncer at the strip club said he had to throw him out.
Apparently, he got too handsy.
Well, that's how he sees.
He's not blind, T.
We don't know that.
Terry.
Surprise inspection.
Oh, my God.
Kenny? How did you even get in here? I have my ways.
The back door was unlocked.
The dishes are really piling up, by the way.
You know what I have scissors in my hand, and I know how to use them.
Mm.
Really? I'm not convinced you do.
You know what? I don't give a crap about these bees.
The only reason I'm doing it is 'cause Grieshaber's blackmailing me! You too? I'm only heading the committee so he'll let Tamara retake her yearbook photo.
She had a sty.
Oh! My God! He is such a jerk! This would be so much easier if I didn't love my stupid kid so much.
Tell me about it.
I dreamed one day of running a gallery, not cutting the crusts off endless PB&Js.
Yes.
Wet crust looks so weird in the sink.
Okay.
You know, I really do need some fun in my life.
You know what would be fun? Burn in hell, bees.
Wow.
I didn't realize synthetic fibers were so toxic.
What does a green flame mean? Come on.
Hey, Liam, why are we driving so slow? Some old geezer in a wheelchair's blocking the road.
Look at this guy! He totally stalled out! How much if I get a peanut in Morgie Freeman's lap? Yeah, move! What are you doing out here? Well, we are sticking it to the man and burning bumblebees.
And you were upset with Mason for blowing up a toilet? Yes! Mason should be seeing this! This is different, because this is under parental supervision.
Where's Mason? Um Oh I I think in the b basement, being grounded, per your orders.
Where is he? - "Maplepalooza.
" Sorry.
- Damn it, Jack! Family drama, and exit Kenny.
Okay, I grounded him, and you told him he should go.
Well, he's a good kid.
I think we should trust him.
There is no "we" here.
No.
Okay? I am the parent.
You do not get to make that call.
Hey, guys.
Did, uh, grandpa happen to swing by here? Uh, when was the last time Ellis swung by anywhere? Oh you know, sometimes when the When the mood strikes him, he'll Yeah, we we lost him.
You lost him? H he's not that fast.
He is now.
Well, we never really saw him as a flight risk, so Okay, we got to regroup and comb the woods.
We need flashlights, jerky, and whistles.
I can't go because I have to go - drag Mason's delinquent butt back from "Maplepalooza.
" - Sorry.
Yeah, like you didn't sneak off to "Monsters of Maple.
" You know what? Yeah I was I was a little bit more mature than Mason.
Is that why you came home with a motorhead tattoo on your butt? Okay.
Not for everyone here to listen to.
Hey, what's everybody doing out here? Ellis! Oh, sweet! What's on fire? Oh, thank God! Yeah, I found him in the middle of the road, and I couldn't just leave him there.
So, you missed a concert to help an old man in need.
That is very responsible, isn't it, Aunt Terry? Uh no, it isn't.
You're still wrong, and you're still in trouble.
But you did bring Ellis back, so you deserve to have some fun.
Whoo! Put your lighters up! Will you cut it out, mom? I go to school with that guy.
I made it! Scalper charged me a fortune, but I don't care! What'd I miss?! Thank you, Mapleport! We'll see you next year! Drive safely! Hello, Principal Grieshaber.
Here are your Bumblebees.
- What the - The parents of this school will not be exploited by you anymore.
Sorry to interrupt.
I just thought you might need these in case some parents weren't as dedicated as others.
Kenny? What the hell?! Also, thank you for rescheduling Tamara's yearbook photo shoot.
Thank you, Kenny.
If only every parent could be more like you.