Flatbush Misdemeanors (2021) s01e06 Episode Script

1
You've been using
all my damn sketchpads.
I don't know what I'm gonna paint on.
Yeah, consider it rent.
It's not rent It's sketchpads.
All right, well, I would like rent.
I keep seeing you.
Who the hell are you?
Who, Kev? No, he's just
'Cause I'm charging rent
for one person.
If there's two of you,
I'm charging more.
Did you not get groceries yesterday?
Oh, yeah, I started to,
but then I didn't.
It's just I paint,
and, you know, I'm trying
to get my name out there
Word? Yeah, that art world can be cold.
Damn, you're either cold, indecent,
or throwing a tantrum.
Oh, you got the tantrum today!
Stop it! No!
Not my grandma's Obama mug!
Ah, shit! Really?
The mug? Over Gina?
Yes, over Gina!
I told you I don't want
to hear the word "Gina" again!
You just said Gina motherfucking Gina.
Gina! Gina!
It's too early for this shit.
It really is.
Don't you walk away from me!
If I leave, I'm taking the cat.
It's my cat!
Why don't we let her decide, then, huh?
Why would we let her decide?
You never support my ideas!
You hate your mom!
Don't tell me what I hate!
You sound like my mom when you do that.
Get back here.
Don't point that shit at me, woman.
You cheated on me.
And I admitted that shit
Kevin!
Yo.
The fuck?
How can you sleep through that?
Sleep through what?
The new neighbors.
They were yelling before.
What do you want me to do, man?
Call the cops.
Kev, look, we got to
reestablish some ground rules.
I'm out of toothpaste,
toilet paper, trash bags.
Every time I buy food, it vanishes.
Can you just text me?
No, I can't just text
I think this is better verbally.
Also, can you not
spam text me overnight?
It freaks me out when I wake up
to 18 unread messages.
I talk in short bursts.
Kev, look, I'm happy that you're here.
This is you, happy?
Your shrink sucks.
I mean, look at this place.
It's a disaster.
And I'm sorry, I've asked you
not to use my Street Fighter blanket.
All right, well,
it's a blanket, and I was cold.
And it's not just the blanket.
You keep using the monogrammed napkins
I got from my cousin Dylan's wedding.
Monogrammed nap what, you
about to host a Oscar party?
They napkins, bro.
Dylan and I have the same initials.
When is he gonna have
spare napkins again?
Lord knows. I
I just need you to add value.
All right, damn. Your breath stinks.
You know what would solve that?
Toothpaste.
What you want me to do, man?
Okay, if you want to help,
I finally got an appointment
to get the Internet fixed today.
The guy's supposed to come
any time from ten to one.
But from experience,
that could be up to 16 hours.
All right, yeah, I'll be here.
But I got that art dealer dude, Terry,
coming by to come check
out my work, so
So you'll wait for the guy?
Yeah, I will. All right.
But just to be clear, I'm
trying to get off this couch.
Kev, I don't want you
to get off the couch.
I want you to do well today
and achieve your dreams
and then get off the couch.
- But all the dream stuff first.
- Mm-hmm.
Okay, good, luck, man,
I am rooting for you.
All right.
All right.
What?
I'm sorry, I would like the blanket.
The the Street Fighter blanket.
Friendship is never
having to say you sorry,
but you say that shit anyway.
So, Kevin, you got a buzzer,
but you still got to walk
downstairs to let people in.
This place is a real shithole.
Very edgy upbringing. I like it.
Upbringing?
Yeah, you're, what, 17?
Hey, yeah,
but a lot older.
- Yeah.
- Um
thank you for coming by.
- I appreciate it.
- Sure, man.
I mean, I love helping
young artists break in.
You know what I mean? That's what I do.
You know, I found Titus Kaphar,
you know?
- Dope.
- You break an artist that big,
it kind of flies in the face
of the whole
"trust fund party boy" image
which I know I give off,
but, really, I'm much more than that.
I believe you.
Oh, my God. Is this you?
Yep.
Ah, this is great.
See, you're versatile, too.
This is great,
but in a different way from the
sketch you did of Drew's niece.
Wait, that's why you reached out?
- Drew showed you my shit?
- Well, he didn't show it to me.
I saw him rolling up on it,
but you captured her beautifully.
I don't actually know
what she looks like,
but the sketch was so good,
it made me feel like I knew, you know?
Yeah, that's real.
So you think I got a
real shot at making it?
Absolutely.
I love this piece.
It's all about identity
and the simultaneous
destruction and commodification
of African American Black bodies.
Exactly. You see it.
Yeah, I know a couple
major gallery owners
- who would love your work.
- Yeah?
- Yeah.
- 'Cause I no idea how to connect
with the people who can help me.
I just make the art.
That's where I come in, my man.
I'm the connector.
Hey.
Hey.
What's happening?
Nitrous.
I tried doing one
in the Uber over here.
The driver was not having it.
I'm like, "Dude,
it's just a transient gas
that they give you at the dentist,"
albeit without medical supervision.
I hate when people act like
all drugs aren't medicinal, you know?
Hit that. Hit that.
- What?
- Hit that. Hit it.
Fuck is this?
Aw, aw.
Shit is good, right?
Yeah.
I can get you meetings,
but you're gonna need
a space to show
someplace gritty.
What the hell is this?
A replacement for Gina.
I don't want a new one I want Gina!
It's a fucking turtle!
- But it's not Gina.
- Jesus Christ!
I'm going back to bed.
I can't win with you, ever!
Grittier than this?
I mean, like, cool gritty.
This is more depressing gritty.
If I can get you a meeting
with a curator,
can you get a space?
Maybe.
I haven't eaten in, like, three days.
What do you got?
This is, like,
a pre-intervention fridge.
Rock bottom's an empty pickle jar.
You're close.
Let's go to a café.
- Right now?
- Yeah.
You got to help me describe
your work so I can sell you.
I want to do a deep dive,
and I'd rather hear it in your words,
but I love your range.
Your work's clearly heavily inspired.
You know, we always
try and put an artist in a box,
but it's the unpredictability
that keeps the viewer engaged,
in my humble opinion.
Anyway, come on, let's go eat.
Look, man, I got to wait
on this Internet dude.
You can't avoid me.
Get your ass out here!
Me avoid you? Your attachment style
is dismissive avoidant
I read the book!
It's not my fault. It's my trauma!
Yeah.
I don't like all this yelling
about turtles
and attachment styles.
I'm gonna go eat.
You don't have to come.
I get it if you care more
about the Internet guy
than your future.
Wait, hold on.
I'm gonna get somebody to cover.
You got Kareem.
Yo, bro, can you do me a favor?
Yo, man, can we wait outside?
This shit is freaking me out.
All right, hey, Kareem, man,
can you come over to the crib?
It's an experience!
I swear to God,
every day you get dumber and dumber.
Take that back! Take it back right now!
You're gaslighting me!
You don't even know
what that word means!
Yes, I do!
You almost convinced me I didn't know!
Even that's a gaslight!
Domestic disputes before lunchtime?
And a turtle in the hallway.
This is a crazy-ass building.
Hmm.
Mm. Eh.
You are the devil!
My friends don't even like you!
Goddamn struggle house.
"Dear son, in case you ran out,
I got you more of my Ashwagandha
for your dick problem.
I know you said your problem
wasn't dick-related,
but just in case you was lying
Love, Mom and Dad.
P.S. Your building
has a turtle infestation."
What did I just eat?
Bad-milk-having motherfucker.
I can't believe them boys
ain't got a goddamn square
of toilet paper!
You didn't want him,
so I put him in the hallway.
He's gone now! I looked everywhere!
Nah.
Okay, D.J.
Oh, damn! That's the Internet!
One minute! I'm gonna be right out!
Don't go anywhere, Internet!
Sorry I'm late. The Internet's out.
I'm on my dumb hotspot
that's tougher to
I don't care, be late.
This is your damn therapy session.
Cut in, cut out. It's your time.
Go to sleep if you want to, okay?
You know I don't care.
Kevin left and missed the technician.
Who's Kevin?
Oh, ah.
Couch dude.
Uh, yeah, well, his name is actually
And who's Jen?
Jess.
Oh, yeah, I have her down
here as "boss bitch."
Can you write down her real
name, 'cause it's Jess
No, Dan, I already wrote down
"boss bitch."
Come on, don't make me waste ink.
Okay, okay. Boss bitch.
All right, so what She Black?
- Latina.
- Mmm.
You know my husband's Puerto Rican.
That's cool. Yeah, a lot of people are.
Anyway, we had one night
where we started to hook up,
but then I fell asleep,
and then a couple days later,
she said she wants
to keep it professional.
But I don't know,
I think she might still like me.
Nah, you blew it. All right?
And at this point,
you're just wasting time.
You're wasting her time,
wasting your time,
and you wasting my time.
I didn't even want to get into Jess.
I meant to talk about couch dude.
- There's tension.
- So kick his ass out!
No, I don't want to do that.
Yeah, 'cause you can't be alone.
Kevin is different.
We've been close since we were kids,
he wanted to move to New York
to pursue his art,
- and I wanted to help.
- Ah.
There go Dan "can't be alone,
white superhero,
Captain Save a Nigga."
That's not my nickname. I
I'm just being nice to an old friend.
Mm-hmm, well, I'm gonna make
a note for you to consider,
like, why you are exclusively
around Black people.
Now, the first word that comes
to mind is "fetishizer,"
and the second word is "colonizer."
I mean, that's not, like, a choice.
Or it's not thing I'm seeking.
I don't I don't know.
It just happened.
Oh, yeah? Dan, are you crazy?
Let's count them down, all right?
You got Kenny the couch nigga,
you got your step-daddy,
you got this little girl
you keep giving A's to
for whatever reason,
you got the drug dealer.
You work at an almost all-Black school.
Then there's me.
Now, I know why you need me.
But the rest of these niggas,
Dan, they got to go.
Now that you point it out,
it me a pattern
from when I was younger.
Uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, shit, hey.
Consider this shit on your own time.
The last thing I want to do
is sit here listening
to your ass brainstorm.
Go figure it out and then come back.
- Okay, understood.
- And you know what?
I'm shocked that the boss
bitch you ain't fucking
ain't Black.
I mean, she is brown, for the record.
- Could we just discuss Kevin?
- Sure.
Let's talk about why you said yes
when he asked to stay with you.
I-I asked him to stay.
What?
You invited him?
Yeah, it's not in his
nature to ask for help.
Uh, no, but it is
in your corny-ass nature
to invite somebody to stay with you
and then resent them for being there.
Why is that, Dan? Examine.
I we-we have a connection
since, like, 8th grade, you know?
Like, when he was over at my house,
it was just
he wasn't my protector exactly,
but shit was just
less ugly with him around.
And now it's ugly with him around.
Not ugly, exactly.
I'm just feeling like
I'm just feeling like
he's not appreciating me
or anything I might need.
Like, it sounds little,
but all this shit adds up.
Like, we're out of everything.
Oh, so you like having people
around that you can control,
huh, Dictator Dan?
No, that's All these nicknames.
I'm neither a superhero nor a dictator.
I'm just guy who's trying to figure
No, you're a guy who
likes to fight losing battles
and then resent it
when it's not perfect.
And it never is!
Life never is!
That's actually really insightful.
You got a lot of nerve to act like
you surprised at my expertise.
You know what? This what you need.
You need a white therapist.
Mm-hmm, no, you need somebody
to give you that bullshit,
that that, "Oh, my God, Dan,
how you doing?
How are your parents?"
All that shit bores me, okay?
And if you want to pay
more to get coddled
be my guest.
I don't want to be coddled,
and I don't want to pay more.
- Okay, so real talk.
- Okay.
All right?
You are in a endless cycle
of, like, false superiority
and self-loathing, all right?
Stand up for yourself
and kick the motherfucker out.
Just see what it feels like
to have balls for once, Dan!
Ball
Dr. Flowers?
Yerr!
Hey, yo, there's a turtle
in the stairwell, you seen it?
Goddamn rush to fight!
You are a lunatic!
We can't keep putting off ICE
until the next day!
She got a point.
Oh, God! Tomorrow, please!
Let's just discuss this tomorrow.
But I'm still mad
at you for other things.
Bro, I miss Lester.
Yo, Kev, can you help me understand
this note I found when I got home?
"Sorry we missed you."
Dude, I asked for your help,
and now, look, therapy's frozen.
I mean, I left,
but I called Kareem over.
I don't know what happened.
Oh, big shock, Kareem fucked up.
He never even set up Internet
at my mom's place.
She says he's an AM radio guy.
Dude, I waited on hold
for hours for that appointment.
I need this for work.
I'm sorry, Dan. Shit.
What you want me to do? Fuck.
I'm sorry
I was seizing an opportunity,
that thing that you
encouraged me to do,
and instead of asking me how it went,
you yelling about Internet.
Okay, yeah. I'm sorry.
How'd it go?
I don't know. I think it went well.
Terry said he might link me
with this curator, but
I couldn't really tell
what he was saying sometimes.
I think it was the nitrous.
He was high as shit.
Why were you doing
nitrous in a business
What?
Bruh, you pop a Xanny
to wake up in the morning.
Don't judge.
And I wasn't doing it. It was Terry.
I'm not mad at this.
I like a break.
One sec, Dr. Flowers.
I'd like some privacy.
Stop giving him so much Xanax.
Did you see that?
He's totally unappreciative
of me, my needs,
and I totally support Kevin,
and he doesn't care at all.
That's not true.
Uh, Kenny,
bring your Black ass in here.
We don't
We don't need Kevin to
we don't need Kevin to come in.
Really?
Yeah, really!
You can't complain about the nigga,
let him defend himself.
Okay, he says I don't care about him,
but that's not true.
He act like I don't buy
healthy food for him,
- That's bread isn't healthy.
- In small amounts it is.
He act like I don't get drugs for him.
He act like I don't support
his sad-ass coaching dream.
I do a lot. In my opinion, I do a lot.
I just feel like I deserve more.
I just want some basic respect
and consideration.
Bro, I show it in real ways.
Dan on some bullshit about
toothpaste and trash bags.
You chose the wrong white friend.
But don't worry about it, okay?
I can fix this in five minutes,
if Dan would kindly get
his head from up his ass.
- Right.
- Now listen up
Dr. Flowers?
Hey, yo, can you hear us?
No, she can't. It's frozen.
How you know?
That's just how technology works.
- Control, alt, delete.
- No, what are you doing?
Look, we don't even need her
to fix this shit.
It's so minor,
we could do it ourselves.
Fine. I feel like you don't appreciate
any of the shit I've done for you.
Okay, and I feel like
you wanting credit
every five seconds make me
feel like you keeping score.
Bro, I've been there for you
since we was kids.
What, like I owe you?
Like, you saved my life
a million years ago,
and now I'm indebted to you forever?
I'm not saying you indebted to me,
but you could be showing
some appreciation.
You're showing me zero, dude,
and you're staying here for nothing.
I didn't ask you
to sleep on your couch.
You the one that said,
"Follow your dreams."
You the one that said,
"Come sleep on my couch."
You the one that said that I
could stay as long as I needed.
- Okay.
- You said that.
I said that, and I believed that,
but then you could at least try
to make my life easier,
but the shit you're doing
makes my life more difficult.
Bro, you're biggest problem
is the Internet.
I'm trying to figure out my whole life.
Yeah, so am I,
and it's tough to do when
I'm worried about bullshit.
And to be honest, I'm worried
about bigger shit, too.
Like that Drew tornado
that's just been unleashed
on our lives.
I lied to Jess, I've given Zayna A's,
I've risked my job,
I'm scared of this guy,
and I'm at the game,
and I look up in the stands
and see you sitting with him
like you're best friends.
Bro, Drew is not that bad.
He is that bad.
He's a dangerous drug dealer.
And every time
we can get away from him,
you seem to do something
to bring us closer.
I'm telling you, dude,
if you hang around
bad people long enough,
bad shit is gonna happen.
Bad shit happen
around good people, too.
You're not making sense.
He almost killed you.
Do you remember that?
I remember. The fuck
So can you give me
one redeemable quality about this guy?
One.
He linked me with Terry.
What?
Yeah, Drew liked my art,
and he linked me with Terry.
I'm not saying he a saint,
but he not all bad.
You took help from Drew?
You never ask for my help.
'Cause I'm living on your couch already
and you keep score.
If I ask for your help,
you gonna be like,
"I did this for you,
I did that for you.
And I" Like, that's what you do.
What'd I miss? I bet nothing.
You actually did miss something.
It turns out Kevin met this art dealer
through the drug dealer
who's been menacing both of us.
- So what?
- Exactly.
Every time I try to
make you happy, it backfires!
Forget it, I'm done with this shit,
I'm gonna tell them
the truth at the hearing.
Who the hell is that?
- It's our neighbors.
- What hearing?
I don't know.
Can we get that fix to
our problem that you mentioned?
Shh, shh, shh. Shut up, Dan.
I'm hearing some good shit here.
You do that,
and I'll tell them
I paid you to marry me!
Ooh. Ooh!
Thank you, Jesus!
Finally, some better shit than yours.
This sound like a green card
case is a-brewing over there.
That's some heavy shit now.
Motherfucker,
you still owe me eight grand!
You think I don't know what you doing.
You trying to make me love you
so you don't got to pay me the rest!
I'd rather get deported
than do this shit one more second.
And jail would be a step up for me.
Take me over there, Dan.
I don't think we should
get involved, Dr. Flowers.
I'm getting involved.
This is some serious shit.
It's heavy now.
You come, too, Kenny.
Wait, why-why do you
want Kenny to come?
'Cause you're my golden goose, Dan.
Kenny, bring your ass to protect him.
He gonna need a Black body over there
to absorb the impact.
Yo, clown!
I can't knock on the door my
Can you knock?
Jeez, I got to tell
this nigga everything.
- What?
- Hi, my name is Dan
Yeah, I know you. You live next door.
You're a teacher and wannabe coach.
- I actually did coach a game.
- And you.
You watch porn loud during the day.
True.
Well, it's great to meet in person.
Uh, my therapist
would like a word with you.
Yo, sis, go get your man,
I want to help y'all out.
Help me out? Okay, sis.
Um, hey!
Come here for a second.
Neighbor's got his shrink
on the laptop.
Yeah, I got a deep voice.
What?
Uh
This is Dr. Flowers. She has a degree.
All right, Dan, shut the fuck up.
I'm sorry, excuse me, y'all.
He don't really know me.
But I'm here to help y'all, okay?
Now, I need the four of y'all
to listen up.
Now, it's very simple
what y'all got going on.
It's very similar, too.
It's a classic power struggle.
This is when one tries
to make the other one happy,
but then it doesn't work out,
and you resent it
because it didn't go the way
you expected it.
Now, you see these two?
These two are fucking morons,
all right?
They ain't got no stakes.
They problems are simple and dumb,
just like them.
But you two, your shit is major.
Yeah, you got some
green card shit on the line.
This is real-life shit.
I need y'all to let me in
so I can help y'all,
you understand?
At least let me help y'all
make it through this hearing.
She right.
Yeah, I know I'm right.
Look, sister,
we got to talk some, like,
real sensitive legal shit,
you know what I'm saying?
And I don't want these
herbs overhearing,
so why don't we go somewhere
where we can talk in private,
all right?
Come on, Dan, put me over there to her.
Come on, Dan. Dan!
Jolene, back!
Jolene.
The cat name is they password.
- Oh, shit.
- Yeah, we in.
That's fucking great.
All you need is your laptop back.
That's great. Oh, man, thank you.
Yep. It's a value add. Count it.
I count it.
Oh, Terry came through, man.
It's happening.
Yo, that's great. Congrats.
- Thank you, bro.
- Yeah.
Yeah, I still
don't have a spot, though.
Just ask your friend, Drew.
Bro, come on, man, you want me
to get off your couch, right?
Wait, is this you asking for help?
- Yeah.
- You know what?
There's this multipurpose
room at school.
It's been closed to
students since last year,
since they caught kids
drinking in there.
Now it's just a room where
teachers drink sometimes.
I could sneak you in.
You'd do that?
Yeah, for sure.
- I appreciate you, man.
- Yeah.
I'm gonna go take a shit.
You bought toilet paper, right?
No.
"Dick problem." What the fuck, Kareem?
Jesus Christ.
- Yo, Danny.
- Yeah?
- Yo, I fixed them.
- That's great.
Mm-hmm, it only took me five minutes
to solve they damn problem.
You're the only nut I can't crack.
I think we're making good progress.
No, we're not.
Oh.
Matter of fact, we going in reverse,
but I'm making money,
so I'm gonna keep you on.
Okay.
Listen, I got them as
a client, both of them.
- So don't worry about it.
- Okay, cool.
And I'm only gonna charge you double
'cause you brought Kenny with you.
And you can go ahead
and Venmo me the money.
- I need it right now.
- You brought Kenny in.
Why do I have to pay for two sessions?
I-I brought Kenny in?
You talk about this nigga
night and day.
I brought him in?
- You know what?
- Okay, okay.
Don't fucking talk about him
no more, then, okay?
You not gonna do this to me, all right?
I'm not gonna be
your whipping post, all right?
I'll call that drug dealer nigga
and have him do something to you.
- Don't do
- I know all the Black people in the world.
You'll have a Million Man
March all over your ass.
Don't do that. Okay, sorry.
Yeah?
You think this is a scarf? It's not.
It's a fucking noose,
'cause I'm gonna kill myself
if you don't get your shit together.
Sorry, okay. I got it.
And what you may want to do is,
you may want to get your ass up
and go the fuck over there
and get your laptop, nigga,
'cause I swear they about to pawn it.
Okay. Thank you, Dr. Flowers.
- Sorry.
- Nigga, just go!
What the fuck? You'll see me again.
You think it's my funeral?
Shit, longest goodbye ever
Okay, see you next week, Dr. Flowers.
Oh, fuck me, you Dominican goddess!
I'll just get it later.
Bruh, your napkins
don't say D.J. anymore.
I don't know who did it. It wasn't me.
I'm gonna just let you know,
so don't start blaming.
Okay, so the gallery owner,
he can sneak through this door
I'm gonna leave propped open,
all right?
The multipurpose room
is on the third floor.
It's open until noon, okay?
All right. Are you sure it's all right?
Yeah, of course.
You're using it for a purpose.
That's literally what
the multipurpose room is for.
Just have your meeting, then sneak out.
- All right, thanks, dude.
- Of course. Good luck, man.
You guys psyched to learn?
Let's get to it.
Okay, now, this is a Bunsen Burner,
named after Nathaniel Bunsen,
who became the first man
to die from a Bunsen Burner.
Emergency, the school is on lockdown.
- Code white.
- Okay, everyone.
In a calm and orderly fashion,
let's all line up.
Do not move until further notice.
Of course, never mind. Let's sit down.
It's all okay.