Foreign Exchange (2004) s01e06 Episode Script

1
(uplifting music)
(whimsical music)
- Come on guys, get into it.
Pass the tent up here, please.
- Lift it!
I'm not here to do your work too!
- No one's asking you to.
- Lift it, I said!
- I am!
- It's all right guys.
I got it.
- You are hopeless, you know?
- Me?
- [Wayne] Hopeless!
- [Craig Right!
Check us that sleeping bag will you Wayne?
- At school we learn how to
deal with potential aggressors.
- Good, good.
Well you can deal with Wayne.
- They call it rock and water.
- Rock and Water?
- You're supposed to center
yourself, make eye contact,
and just tell them that
you don't want to fight.
- Oh yeah.
Yeah, I'm sure Wayne will listen to me.
Not!
- It won't work with
that attitude, you know?
- What won't?
- Your male bonding weekend.
- Meredith, it's a camping trip.
- Oh yeah!
Then how come me and Jackie aren't going?
- You're just lucky I guess.
- I think It's the perfect
way for you and Wayne
to really learn to like each other.
- Yeah, except for one thing.
- What?
- Probably kill each other first.
- It'd be better off without him.
- Wayne.
- What?
- You gotta think positive mate.
Get into it.
Can't you just smell the campfire?
- No.
(sink running)
- Yep, this is gonna be real fun.
- Don't be so negative,
you'll have a great time.
- Oh yeah, yeah, sure.
- Just keep centered, Brett.
And imagine you and Wayne as soul mates.
- Meredith, give me a break.
- Can we take that cheesecake?
- No way.
- Why not?
- We're living off the land.
- [Brett] What?
- The only way to get on the bush.
- [Jackie] Time for us
to be off too Meredith.
- We're getting into some female bonding.
- Doing what?
- Morning tea, a movie,
then some shopping.
- That's not fair.
- Why can't we do that?
- We are going to have a great weekend.
I can feel it in me bones.
- Bye guys.
- If it wasn't for you,
I wouldn't be stuck
with this great outdoors garbage.
- It's your dad, Wayne.
- Just keep out of my space, right?
- Centered, Brett, centered.
(peaceful music)
- It's so good to be
getting out of this dump!
Just imagine, a whole weekend in London!
- Lucky you.
- Have you seen the shops in the west end?
What am I saying?
Of course you haven't,
they are so brilliant!
And the fashions.
Honestly, I don't feel out
of place there for a second.
Pity you're not going away.
Personally, I couldn't
think of anything worse
than being stuck here on
my own for the weekend.
- Oh!
I'll be okay.
- In some ways, you know,
I really envy you Hannah.
- You do?
- You're just so easy to please.
Give you a stupid ol' book and
you're as happy as a puppy.
(guitar strumming)
- Can you give me a hand?
- Sure.
(grunting)
- You up for a trip
for the weekend Hannah?
- Well It's not mine.
- Ah.
- Martin, could you give
this to your father, please?
It's a small thank you for
his very generous contribution
to our refurbishment appeal.
You will be seeing him?
- We'll be meeting up
in Paris, Ms. Murphy.
- Ah, Paris.
So you'll be doing the art museums then?
- Crash and smash.
- Pardon?
- Dad saw this go-kart he wants to buy.
Whole families going over
to play crash and smash.
Ever done it?
- Can't say that I have.
No.
- Well, if you're ever
in Paris, let me know.
I'll arrange it.
- Thank you.
You're not going anywhere Hannah?
- Oh, no.
I've got two books to
read, and plenty of sleep
to catch up on.
It'll be nice having the school to myself.
- Well, I'm round and about
if you need me for anything.
- Thank you Mr. McCracken.
- I'll let cook know keep
some meals out for you then.
- Oh, you're in for a treat then.
Well I'm off to town.
See you later Hannah.
(inquisitive music)
(waves crashing)
(upbeat music)
(laughing)
- Have you got a death wish?
- What's your problem?
- That's my seat.
- Not this trip, it's not.
The eskys going there.
In the back, the both of you.
- You're joking, right?
- We're going away to know each other.
- So?
- So in the back.
Together.
(laughing)
(car engine revving)
(soft music)
- [Brett] Move your elbow.
- [Wayne] Why?
I'm not touching you.
- [Brett] Stay on your side!
- [Craig] Wayne.
Brett.
(soft music)
(telephone ringing)
- Hello, O'Keeffe's school.
- Hannah?
Is that you?
I was just ringing to
see if everything's okay?
- Everything's fine Mr. McCracken.
- Good.
Well, if it's okay with
you, I'll just stay in town
to watch the match in Naughton's.
I'm calling to see you when I get back.
- Actually, there's no need.
I've had a last minute invite to stay
with some friends tonight.
- That's great, Hannah!
See you tomorrow then.
- Okay.
Enjoy the match.
- Will do.
Bye.
(uplifting music)
- Hey Cormac, what're
you still doing here?
- Installing my new
electro-magnetic security system.
- Sounds impressive.
- No one can get in without the code.
(clicking)
(beeping)
- [Robot] This system is armed.
- Cool.
(clicking and beeping)
- [Robot] This system is disarmed.
- But, why would anyone want
to break into your room anyway?
- Well, I've got some
valuable stuff in there.
- Like?
- Like my security system.
This stuff does not come cheap, you know?
- So, let me get this straight Cormac.
You're putting in a
security system to protect
your valuables, but the
only valuable you have
is your security system.
- It's all about planning for the future.
- Right?
Well, have fun at science camp.
- Thanks.
- Don't miss your train.
(upbeat music)
(door squeaks)
(stones grinding)
(whooshing)
(clicking and beeping)
- [Robot] This system is armed.
(soft dramatic music)
(clicking and beeping)
- [Robot] This system is disarmed.
(wind whooshing)
- [Robot] This system is
armed, disarmed, armed.
(wind whooshing loudly)
(blowing)
(clicking and beeping)
(Robot glitching)
(wind whooshing)
(breathing heavily)
- [Cormac] Help!
Help!
Help!
(soft intense music)
(stone grinding)
(soft intense music)
(Australian indigenous music)
(birds chirping)
- Talk about remote?
- Did you expect a theme park?
- Amazing, isn't it?
I doubt if anyone's been
out here for 20 years.
- Don't blame them.
- [Craig] Gum trees, dirt, the smell
of the great Australian bush.
Mate, it doesn't get any better than this.
(laughing)
(car engine revving)
(soft music)
- Get off!
- Hey, it wasn't my fault.
- Everything's your fault, remember?
So keep your distance.
- Just a bit of rough road guys.
You'll soon get used to it.
(birds chirping)
(remote car engine)
(TV noises)
(soft intense music)
(groaning)
(intense music)
- Pigface.
Here, Pigface.
Oh, Pigface.
Oh, that's all I need.
(TV noises)
(soft intense music)
(mysterious music)
(crunching)
(Australian indigenous music)
- Okay, where do you suggest?
- [Brett] Here?
- Maybe.
What about you, Wayno?
- Maybe here.
- Here's a tip.
Before you choose your tent site,
you always have to check
the wind direction.
- What's he doing?
(scoffing)
- Don't ask me.
- Okay, the wind is coming
from that direction,
which means we have to pitch the tent
with the door facing that way.
(yelling)
(thump)
- Craig, you all right?
- Dad!
- Craig, Craig, can you hear me?
(breathing heavily)
- Here we go.
In.
Go in.
Stay.
(birds chirping)
(Australian indigenous music)
- We gotta get him to a hospital!
- No, we can't move him.
- Why not?
- That's what they tell you in first aid.
We might do more damage
to his back or something.
- He hit his head, not his back.
- All I know is that
we shouldn't move him.
- All right, you stay with
him and I'll go get help.
- You can't drive!
- Who says?
- You haven't got a license!
You haven't even got your own plates.
- I know how to drive.
It's not that hard.
(car engine revving)
(soft music)
(groaning)
(yelling)
(soft intense music)
- C'mon.
(car engine revving)
C'mon.
C'mon.
- What kind of hopeless move was that?
- Shut up and stick to your job.
(soft intense music)
(door handle jiggling)
(soft intense music)
- Help!
Help!
Help!
(somber music)
- You sure you know what you're doing?
- I've seen it plenty of times.
All right, hit it.
- All right.
(towing noises)
(glass crashing)
- [Jackie] I thought it
was a really funny one.
- I hate sets with kids.
It's so childish.
(soft intense music)
(towing noises)
- [Wayne] It's too heavy.
It's not moving!
- You idiot.
- Hey, at least I tried something,
I didn't just stand there panicking.
- I didn't panic.
And you better not tell anyone I did.
- Don't blame me, alright?
- Dad is going to be furious
when he sees what you did!
(groaning)
- What I did?
- [Wayne] Dad!
- [Brett] Craig!
- [Wayne] Dad!
- [Brett] Craig!
- What're we going to do?
- Relax, we won't let
anything happen to him.
- We gotta get him to a doctor.
(bird chirping)
(soft intense music)
(grunting)
(breathing heavily)
(door handle jiggling)
- Help!
Help!
Help!
(Australian indigenous music)
- What're you doing?
- Gonna make a stretcher.
I thought I could use this!
- Good idea.
Grab my sleeping bag.
- No, yours won't hold his weight.
- You reckon?
- Yep.
It's cotton, mines silk.
It's a lot stronger.
- Pigface.
Pigface!
Pigface, come here Pigface.
Pigface, if you don't come--
- [Meredith] I'll just
dump these in my room.
(intense music)
- What do you want to eat?
- Cheesecake.
- [Jackie] Okay!
- Pigface.
Pigface!
Pigface.
Pigface.
There you are.
How did you get out?
You naughty boy.
- [Jackie] Your room's looking neat.
- It's always tidy.
Only Pigface one makes a mess, don't you?
- Well, your cheesecake's ready.
- [Jackie] Oh great.
(soft intense music)
(door handle jiggling)
(whistling)
- Yes!
(intense music)
(soft music)
- Hold your hand up.
Your end's too high.
- Okay.
- Thanks.
I'd kill for some of your
mom's cheesecake right now.
- Yeah, it'd be all right wouldn't it?
- She's a good cook, Jackie.
- Yeah, she won an award last year.
- Yeah?
- The restaurant really took off.
- I didn't think I'd like
living there much, you know?
But, it's all right.
- Especially since you got my room, eh?
- Yeah, well.
- No need to apologize.
- Wasn't gonna apologize.
- That's all right then.
- Ready?
- Yeah.
(Australian indigenous music)
- [Brett] Let's go.
- [Meredith] I bet they're still arguing.
- [Jackie] Poor Craig.
I told him it wouldn't
work, but he insisted.
- [Meredith] Why does
some guys like to fight?
- If we knew the answer to that,
we would know the answer to
half the world's problems.
- Which half?
- The half that doesn't involve women.
- Hey Wayne!
Wayne, It's truck!
- Stick your hand out!
(uplifting music)
- Don't worry dad, we'll have you in
the hospital in no time.
(uplifting music)
(dramatic music)
(rock grinding)
(crashing)
- Did you hear that?
- Pigface?
He's still in his cage.
- Maybe it was in Brett's room.
(clicking and beeping)
- [Robot] This system is disarmed.
(whooshing)
- [Meredith] Wait for
me Jackie ima come to.
(mysterious music)
- Here we go again.
(rock grinding)
- What a pigsty!
- [Robot] This system is disarmed.
(yelling)
- [Cormac] Seamus!
Seamus!
I mean Mr. McCracken!
- Cormac, is that you?
- I've been shouting for you all evening.
- Aren't you supposed to
be at some science yoke?
- Yeah, well I got locked in.
- You tried to kill me laddie.
I'm too old to be playing
cops and robbers games.
- Sorry Mr. McCracken.
- In the future, leave the
security systems to the experts.
- Right, Mr. McCracken.
(yelling)
(blowing)
(Australian indigenous music)
- Are you all right?
- Yeah, he just knocked himself out.
- It's just a bump.
- Let me see.
- No, no, I'm fine.
- It's all right.
We got him out.
- The boys were great.
- So what happened?
- I just got a little over
enthusiastic, that's all.
But the boys looked after me.
They were great.
Real team effort.
- I'm very proud of you both.
- It all worked out exactly as I planned.
(uplifting music)
- Sounds intriguing.
Sure I'll tell him, bye.
(door slams)
- That was Hannah.
I'm to tell you that she can explain,
and can you come over
when you're finished?
- Finish what?
- Reconstructing your room.
- What?
- It looks like a tornado hit it.
What're you doing in there?
- [Wayne] I'm going to kill you this time.
You think this is funny?
- It's pretty pathetic actually.
Why didn't you follow the instructions?
- You did it on purpose.
- Wayne, I don't know
anything about it, all right?
That's honest.
- Tell it to your lawyer, dead man.
Oh, and expect it when
you least expect it.
- Back to normal, I knew
you guys were soul mates.
(soft intense music)
(uplifting music)