Fortunes of War (1987) s01e06 Episode Script

-You look as if you need a drink.
- Please.
Come sit down.
Thank you.
-Tell me, is it Hugo? -Mm-hm.
He was out with a patrol.
They were all killed.
I am so sorry.
I really came to tell Edwina.
I'll tell her you're here.
-Edwina? -Come in.
Oh, Harriet, just the person I need.
How do I look? Like Helen of Troy.
Now listen, Simon Boulderstone's downstairs.
-Simon? -Boulderstone.
-Hugo's brother.
You remember Hugo.
-Hugo? Oh, just a casual acquaintance, darling.
Hugo's dead.
-Oh, how awful.
-Mm.
I think he gave me this.
Oh, no.
Perhaps it was this.
It hardly matters now, Edwina, really, does it? I only ask that when you come downstairs, you show him a little kindness and concern.
-Well, don't ask me to cry.
-It would ruin your make-up.
It wouldn't help.
A good performance, please.
Angela.
-You've introduced yourself? -We've met before.
Simon was in the room when I brought in my little boy that afternoon.
Oh.
We didn't know he was dead, of course.
It must have been terribly upsetting for you.
-I'm sorry.
-It doesn't matter.
And Simon's told me all about his brother, so we've done all the difficult bits.
-Good.
- Now I think we should take this beautiful young man out into the world and flaunt him.
Really? -Unless you're waiting for Guy.
-I'm always waiting for Guy, but he never appears.
Simon.
Simon.
What can I say? I'm so terribly, terribly sorry.
Hugo was a beautiful man.
-My God, I envy you.
-Me? Long to be at the front myself.
You wouldn't want to be where I am, sir.
Ours is a sort of scallywag outfit, the fighting's always somewhere else.
I'd like to have a real go at them, especially now.
Because of your brother? Understood.
Well, if you want a transfer, I'll see if I can work it.
-Boulderstone, wasn't it? -That's right, sir.
I enjoy the desert.
I feel I belong there.
Good man.
Come along, old thing.
-Oh, God! -Angela, Angela.
Oh, my God.
There are people in this club who can smell whisky at 1 00 paces.
-Is that whisky? -It always has been, darling.
This is Mortimer.
She's in the army.
This is Harriet, this is Angela.
-How do you do? -Simon Boulderstone.
-Hello.
-Pleased to meet you.
-May I help myself? -Of course.
That's a house rule.
Is Mortimer your first name or your second name? Oh, these days, I've only got one name.
I'm just Mortimer.
-And what do you do? -Drive, mostly.
-I've just been to Iraq and back in a lorry.
-I'd love to go to Damascus.
We'd offer you a lift.
It's against regulations, but nobody argues with us.
What are we going to do tonight? Simon wants to go to the Berka.
-I don't even know what it is.
- That's disgusting.
And a wonderful idea.
Anybody want to come to the Berka? You like my sister? Hello! -Now you know.
-Now I know.
Anybody want to buy something? This is the place.
Looks like the Odeon at Grimsby.
Very good show! Very educational! Welcome! Is that it? Didn't take very long, did it? -It isn't a precise art.
-You're telling me.
Very good jig-jig.
It was awful.
So humiliating.
Harriet gave me a lecture once on how we exploit the Egyptians.
Now I understand.
-Naked imperialism.
-Well, I'm delighted I wasn't there.
Mmm.
Where were you? Well, I've had the most amazing stroke of luck.
Two new teachers have turned up out of the blue.
Perfect English, well-read, very hardworking.
They could find work anywhere.
They want to teach.
Hmm.
Egyptians? No, they're European Jews, more or less, from Palestine.
Mmm, I see.
-And they have names? -Hertz and Allain.
So they'll take over the English classes and I can concentrate on literature.
-And troop shows.
-Mmm.
-And a possible production of Hamlet.
-Yes.
-And the Pinkrose lecture.
-Oh, God.
Yes, there's that as well.
-And your wife.
-What? Sorry, darling? It doesn't matter.
-Enjoy your leave, sir? -Not very much, no.
I've learnt a lesson.
In wartime, don't get attached to people.
Either they betray you or they die.
Did anything happen while I was away? A lot of talk about this new man, Monty.
Say he's got a direct line to God.
Won't be long now, sir.
Sappers are nearly through.
Mine.
Right, Boulderstone, they tell me that minefield's clear.
Take your chaps through it, get up that ridge and secure the left flank.
Right, sir.
-One more thing.
-Sir? Accept no more casualties than the situation justifies.
-Casualties? -Right, sir.
Advance! Fire! Fire! Fire! -Fire! -Fire! Fire! Arnold! Jesus Christ! Not bad.
Six dead, three walking wounded, four for CCS.
Well-done, Boulderstone.
Getting quite chilly in the evenings.
Have you noticed? Mmm, yes, absolutely.
Very chilly.
- So we must get some blankets out of store.
- Good idea.
What the Devil is going on up there? Angela is entertaining Bill Castlebar, and vice-versa, I imagine.
What, in the middle of the afternoon? Mmm, yes.
In the middle of the afternoon.
I suppose one could complain, but there isn't really enough noise to complain about.
Mmm.
Right, that's enough noise to complain about, don't you think? Probably.
-Harriet, I don't suppose -Yes, I'll go.
No, thank you.
We spilt a bucket of water.
I see.
Um, Mr Dobson's been complaining about the noise.
He doesn't complain when Edwina has Lord Peter Thing in her room.
Well, he's more tolerant of lords than he is of poets.
A bucket of water? Bill keeps a bucket of water by the bedside.
He's inclined to come too quickly when he's overexcited, so he dips his wrist in the water, and it cools him down.
It's a useful little tip.
You and Guy may not have that problem, though.
Can't remember.
''We plough and sow, we're so very, very low That we delve in the dirty clay ''Till we bless the plain with the golden grain and the vale with the fragrant hay.
''Our place we know, 'tis so very, very low, '''Tis down at the landlord's feet, ''We're not too low, the grain to grow, but too low the bread to eat.
'' -And then there are about five more verses.
-And he knows them all.
Hello, darling.
I'd like you to meet Mr Hertz and Mr Allain.
-This is my wife, Harriet.
-Good evening, Mr Hertz.
Good evening, Mr Allain.
-And your name is? -Um We were just planning our winter syllabus, darling.
And discussing the inevitability of the revolution.
-Ah! -The meek will not inherit the earth.
The meek must seize the earth.
You have heard Mr Pringle's poem about the very low? Many times, yes.
I know the chorus, and sometimes I join in.
-Did Professor Castlebar write the poem? -It was written by Mr Jones.
-I think Mrs Pringle is joking with us.
-No, no, no, she's right.
It was written by Ernest Jones, 1 9th-century Chartist.
A Chartist? What's that? -Ah.
Well, let me explain.
- I'm off to see Angela.
-Well, I might see you later on, darling.
-After you've explained the Chartists? It was delightful to meet you both.
Don't let him bore you.
Professor Pringle is a wonderful man.
And he is never boring.
I agree.
Anyway look, 1 9th-century England, a quite extraordinary Oh, thank you, Ahmed.
Harriet, you're just in time for the ceremony.
What ceremony? -The presentation.
-Is it for me? -Of course.
Who else? -Pin it on for me.
-For distinguished service.
-Thank you.
-Very moving ceremony.
-Wolfie! -Mona! -Mona? You never call me Mona.
-I'm sorry, lambkin, but how did you -How did I get here? -Yes.
-Didn't you get my cable? -No.
-I flew in today.
I'm working for ENSA.
Well, introduce me.
Harriet Pringle and Angela Hooper.
Mona, my Your wife? Yes.
Well, well, well.
If anyone's buying a round, mine's a strong ale.
You won't get any strong ale around here.
Oh, I like that! Is that for me? No, it's a present from me to Harriet.
-Bill put it on for a joke.
-Just a little joke.
Good joke.
You're with ENSA? -Yes.
-Singer? Hasn't Bill told you anything about me? -Yes, I'm a singer.
-You must speak to my husband.
-He's always putting on shows for the troops.
-Ah, I only do it for money.
- Come on, Wolfie, luggage.
-Hasn't ENSA organised any accommodation? -Of course not, I'm staying with you.
-Oh, I see, well, in that case Oops! Angela, you must have this back.
-I gave it to you.
-But you didn't mean me to keep it.
It's no use to me now.
Thank you.
I love it.
God help us, Harriet.
What's the cure for love? Another love.
No.
You want one love, not another.
-Even if he is a dead loss.
-Is he? Oh, yes.
Wolfie.
And lambkin.
Harriet, let's run away together.
Where to? Well, when I was with Desmond, we used to spend every winter in Luxor.
We could go back there.
I've got to get away from Bill.
Luxor.
I'll have to see what we have in the bank.
Oh, don't be silly.
This is my idea.
It'll be my treat.
We'll have a riotous time.
We'll really live it up.
And to hell with bloody Bill Castlebar and his even bloodier wife.
I think I heard Guy come in.
I'll tell him.
Oh, Harriet.
Thank you.
Is something wrong? Well, obviously something is wrong.
Your department, I think, Harriet.
Why is people crying always my department? You're so much better at it than anyone else, darling.
What's wrong, Edwina? -Peter.
-What a surprise.
-What's he done? -He's a swine.
Yes.
And what have you discovered this evening that leads you to that conclusion? I think he's married.
Does anybody know for certain? Darling? I have no idea, darling.
- Dobbie? -What? Is Lord Lisdoonvarna married? -I have reason to believe that might be the case.
-You mean yes? -Why didn't you say so weeks ago? -Well, everybody's married.
Angela, Castlebar, Peter, you, Guy.
Doesn't seem to be a subject of concern anymore.
People just get on and do things regardless.
Generally, in the middle of the afternoon.
-I hate him.
-Well, he is an aristocrat.
I'm going to bed.
Alone.
To sleep.
-Perchance to dream, eh? -I love him.
Darling, I'm going to Luxor for a few days with Angela.
Well, that's a splendid idea, darling.
-Angela? -Mm.
-I haven't seen her for a few days.
She still mad? -Not very.
Good.
Good night.
Where is everybody? There's nobody here.
-I can see three people in the lounge.
- Good afternoon, madame.
-Why is there nobody here? -Because of the war, madame.
-The war? -The war, madame.
Angela, what's wrong? Listen.
I know why there's nobody here.
We've arrived in the middle of an epidemic, haven't we? -It's just a little fever, madame.
-What kind of little fever? It's nothing.
It's a thing that poor people have in Luxor.
You'll take some Quinine, you'll be all well.
I can't stay here.
I must go back.
If we're going to catch anything, surely we've caught it by now.
I'm not frightened for myself.
I'm frightened for Bill.
Why? Europeans who catch things out here, they're gone in no time.
Bill isn't going to die just because you take a trip to Luxor.
I was painting a picture of the desert.
I was so intent on what I was doing, mixing colours, brushwork, texture of the sky, that I didn't see my little boy throwing stones at a live mortar bomb.
Harriet, I no longer trust anyone to stay alive.
I travelled across Europe to deliver this lecture in Bucharest.
Your organisation failed me.
I travelled to Athens, still prepared to deliver my lecture, and again, your organisation failed me.
Now I'm in Cairo.
I will not tolerate another failure.
Uh, well, um well, the assembly rooms of the American University? Tawdry.
-Uh, the Agricultural Museum? -It's too small.
Well, there are those rather splendid tents the Egyptians use for weddings.
Give a lecture in a tent, Pringle? I'm not a team of acrobats.
No, I realise that.
-I was thinking of the opera house.
-Well, you're not an opera.
Here? -Here? -I'll, um I'll have a word with the manager of the opera house.
Aidan.
Are you real or have I conjured you out of a dream? Did you make that up or did you conjure it out of a play you were once in? -You're a very cruel woman.
-Yes.
-I suppose Guy isn't with you.
-I'm afraid not.
You'll have to make do with me.
-You're here alone? -I am now.
I was abandoned.
-Well, what does that mean? -I came with a friend, a woman friend.
She had to go back to Cairo.
Very well.
I shall be your guide and this evening, -perhaps you'll dine with me.
-Is the food safe to eat? Nothing is safe.
This way.
Egypt is unpredictable.
You never know what it will do to you.
I hated it at first.
And then it grew on me.
It's like a mother you detest, yet are tied to in spite of yourself.
I think it's the place where we all began.
It's here where we were born first and lived out the infancy of the soul.
You believe in reincarnation? I believe there are ghosts.
I believe we're haunted.
Are you haunted? At the beginning of the war, I registered as a conscientious objector.
They put me on a ship going to Canada working as a steward and a waiter.
I suppose they wanted to humiliate me.
There was a crowd of kids on the ship.
Evacuees.
We were torpedoed.
Got the kids into the lifeboats.
It was very cold and it was blowing a gale, and, uh it was dark.
And when dawn broke, we were alone.
Just one lifeboat.
In the middle of the Atlantic.
The kids only had their nightclothes.
A few blankets, everybody seasick.
Not enough food and water.
When somebody died, we'd throw the body overboard, and the waves would throw it back.
We pretended it was a joke.
We always knew when a boy or girl was going to die.
The kid would start having visions.
One of them saw an island and said, ''Look, it's just over there.
''Why don't we go there?'' Three of us survived.
The children? None of the children.
And I decided it was too dangerous being a conscientious objector.
I realised I'd be safer in the Pay Corps.
-And are you? -It makes no difference, Harriet.
You see, I was the one who died.
Shukran.
I wonder, is lobster a good idea? Does it matter? Guy eats everything and he's never ill.
I'm careful with food.
My stomach's always in a turmoil.
You're right.
It doesn't matter.
Will you and Guy come to see me in Damascus? Guy's always so busy.
I'll try and persuade him.
Do persuade him.
I'll try.
Boulderstone! You have friends in high places, Boulderstone.
Me, sir? I don't know anyone, sir.
Someone, presumably in Cairo, has seen fit to appoint you a Liaison Officer, which, as you know, is one of the most sought-after jobs in the British army.
We must somehow manage without you.
I have to say, well-done.
I don't know how you did it, but -I did meet a chap in Cairo -That's none of my business.
They'll be sending you a Jeep and you'll be taken to Corps HQ.
And I'd advise you to get your shirt and your shorts to the dhobi-wallah.
You're going to be among the nobs.
That's all.
-Sergeant Ridley.
-Sir.
What are the duties of a Liaison Officer? -You'll cotton on, sir.
-You think I wangled it, don't you? And you think I'm not up to it.
With respect, sir, I don't think, unless I'm ordered to.
What did you do in Civvy Street, Crosby? Worked for me father.
He has a shop.
-What sort of shop? -Fishmonger, sir.
Was it interesting work? Well, it's a job, isn't it, sir? You wouldn't rather do something else? I did do something else.
Sometimes I drove the van.
She's boiling up a bit.
Get some water, sir? -We could have a brew-up.
-Aye.
Booby trap! -How are you feeling, sir? -Nothing.
I'm feeling nothing.
You'll be all right.
-What about my driver? -Mungaree for the kites.
-Can't we take him? -Mind you, sir, there's isn't much point.
-Up! -I promise you.
And, up.
Harriet.
Did you have a wonderful time? Fascinating.
Where is everyone? Edwina's in her room, enjoying her broken heart.
Guy is dodging Lord Pinkrose.
Angela has disappeared without trace, and I am here, thinking a few razor-sharp diplomatic thoughts.
I say, I didn't mean to upset you.
Harriet! Mrs Pringle? I think so.
Shafik.
You have, uh, thrown up, yes? Thrown up, no.
But your insides are upset for how long? Forever.
But just now, it's worse.
I've just come back from Upper Egypt where a lot of people are dying.
They say from cholera.
Not cholera.
Malaria, perhaps.
We will make further tests and see whether you are ill.
But I am ill.
I mean, ill.
Whathappened in Luxor? Why didAngela come home so soon? It's complicated.
To do with death.
That woman's mad.
She's disappeared now.
Then I met Aidan Pratt.
He told me all about being torpedoed in the Atlantic.
Yes.
He told me that story actually, when we first met in Alexandria.
He tells it rather well.
I suppose I spent so much time talking about death I was bound to be taken ill.
Yes, you do look ill, now you mention it.
This is a hospital.
-Is that the time? -I suppose so.
I have a rehearsal.
For which that is perfect! -What do you mean? -For the show, as a prop.
-Look, Guy, that was a present from Angela.
-You don't really need it, darling, do you? -Anyway, look, I'm sorry.
If that is the time, I'm -You're always late for me.
Why can't you be late for other people? I am late for other people, darling, or so they tell me.
Dobson thinks that you should, uh, go home back to England.
-It's none of his business.
-He's organising a ship for wives and children, and, you know, people who are ill.
I'll go if you come with me.
Don't be silly.
I've got a job here.
And lectures to organise and shows to rehearse and people to meet.
Yes.
You should do less.
We have discoveredyour trouble.
You have amoebic dysentery.
Not good, no, but not bad because there is a new drug for this condition.
-And I will be cured? -Why, certainly.
Did you come here to die? Angela.
Angela.
I was told you'd disappeared.
-I was looking for Bill.
-Did you find him alive? -Of course he was alive.
-And? We had 24 hours together while Mona went off to sing the lost chord to the poor bloody infantry.
The troops decided to let her live, and she came back.
He daren't leave her.
He hasn't the guts.
I'm going back to England, Harriet, on Dobson's bloody boat.
But I'll be left here without a friend.
Come with me.
And leave Guy? You know what happens when wives go home.
You can trust Guy.
He's not the sort to go off the rails.
I don't know.
I don't know.
Everything's gone wrong since we came here.
-Medicine.
-Thank you.
Ooh! I see you've got that gorgeous Dr Shafik.
How romantic, lying there, pale and interesting, while he takes your pulse.
Amoebic dysentery isn't very romantic.
Much of it is disgusting.
Mmm.
Well, he's still gorgeous.
-He's also anti-British.
-I know.
Belongs to the Nationalist Party.
They'd all cut our throats tomorrow, given half a chance.
But he is gorgeous.
I like the brooch.
Oh, this? Hmm.
It's just a piece of nonsense your husband gave me.
In the show, I have to sing things like Smoke Gets In Your Eyes, and Guy wanted me to look sexy.
A bit of a tart.
It's perfect.
You did not tell me that your husband is the famous Professor Pringle.
You didn't ask me.
The man who urges freedom and social responsibility.
But only through a Marxist revolution.
''There are many ways of killing a cat.
'' Isn't that your English proverb? -Yes, but I have talked to students -Students! They act and so are useful, but they do not think, and so are dangerous.
-Meanwhile, we must discuss your wife.
-Oh, yes.
She is not well.
-Aren't you satisfied with her progress? -Not so much.
These amoebae are insidious animalcule.
They can be carried in the portal stream and cause hepatitis and the liver abscess.
But I do not think that she has the liver abscess.
Well, then, there's nothing to worry about.
-Sooner or later, she will be all right.
-Well, that's splendid.
''She will be all right''? You're talking about my liver and my portal stream! Of course we are, darling, and with great affection.
-I want to go home.
- And so you shall.
To England.
Oh.
-And you are really going back to England? -Yes.
Just when we have become friends.
I am sorry that you are going.
I'm sorry, too.
-I'll take that.
-No, you won't.
I'm all right.
No, you're not.
Now, who is coming to the Pinkrose lecture with me? What's he talking about? -Byron.
-Can't stand Byron.
-Can't stand Pinkrose.
-Can't stand lectures.
Fine.
Byron's all right.
-Good evening, Harriet.
-Mortimer! What are you doing here? Improving my mind.
Contrary to appearances, I was an undergraduate at LMH when war broke out.
I thought it would be like old times.
And it makes a change from getting blotto.
-It's good to see you.
-We can have a few drinks afterwards, can't we? -All right.
-Oh, good! Thank you.
Thank you, ladies and gentlemen.
Um I'm sure that Professor Lord Pinkrose will not mind if I tell you that he has travelled literally thousands of miles and visited many countries in his attempt to give this lecture.
It was originally to have been given in Bucharest but the war intervened, as indeed it did in Athens.
However, I am delighted that, at last, Cairo should be the setting for this occasion, at such an exciting period in Egypt's history, a sentiment which I am sure Prof.
Lord Pinkrose, uh, would share.
Therefore, without further ado, it gives me very great pleasure to invite him to give his lecture on the poetry of Lord Byron.
Professor Lord Pinkrose.
He's a boring old trout.
It seems not inappropriate So dies all enemies of freedom! So dies all enemies of freedom! So die all enemies of Egypt's freedom! Pinkrose, an enemy of freedom? Not Pinkrose.
Pinkerton.
Lord Pinkerton, Minister of the State.
Very bad man! Pinkrose isn't a minister! You've killed the wrong man! All British Lords, bad men! It's a point of view! Come on.
Go out! You may take it as official.
Hertz and Allain were the assassins.
Thank you.
That's impossible.
They were the two best teachers I've ever had! Nonetheless, they haven't been seen since the shooting.
Was it really a mistake? The students were talking about a Lord Pinkerton.
A chap called Pinkerton passed through Cairo a few weeks ago on his way to Palestine.
What was he, then? Something to do with the Ministry of Food.
An expert on sausage manufacture.
Why should anyone want to murder a sausage-maker? -Perhaps he was an MI6 man in disguise.
-The whole thing's ludicrous.
This is the Levant, after all.
You used to say that about the Balkans.
Those were the Balkans.
This is the Levant.
It's very different from Cambridge.
Or even Oxford.
Harriet? -At your service.
-I've come to apologise.
-It wasn't you who shot Pinkrose.
-I'm not going to England.
You're not? When I told Bill I was going, it seemed to focus his mind on everything.
He's definitely leaving Mona.
We're going into hiding.
Right.
Why are we here, darling? I hate zoos.
I wanted to spend some time with my husband before I left the country and all he could spare me was half an hour during the afternoon.
I'm sorry, darling.
I'm surrounded by people telling me they're sorry.
Will you come to Suez with me? I've had a look in the diary, darling.
I think it's going to be a bit tricky.
-More rehearsals? -Yes.
I knew you'd understand.
-I always understand.
-Of course you do.
That's why I love you.
Just because I always understand doesn't make it any better.
Little monkey's paws I'm not a little monkey, and these are not my paws! Can you get a drink in a zoo? -I have no idea.
-Right.
I shall investigate.
Bear.
If I could do anything for you, I would.
With all my heart.
But the world is against us.
All I can do is go away.
I'm sorry.
Harriet! Mortimer! God has sent you to save me.
Oh, I don't want to go to England.
Take me with you! Oh, what larks! Guy?