Freaks and Geeks s01e06 Episode Script
Carded and Discarded
[RUSH'STHE SPIRI OF RADIOPLAYS.]
[PLAYING ALONG WITH TAPE.]
INVISIBLE AIRWAVES ACKLE WITH LIFE BRIGHT ANTENN BRISTLE WITH THE ENERGY [NICK SINGING AND PLAYING-- LOUD AND OUT OF KEY.]
MOTIONAL FEEDBACK ON TIMELESS WAVELENGTH BEARING A GIF BEYOND PRICE ALMOST FREE [TAPE.]
ALL THIS MACHINERY MAKING MODERNUSIC CAPTIONING MADE POSSIBLE BY DREAMWORKS TELEVISION, L.
L.
C.
ION'T GIVE A DA LIVIN' IN THE PAST, IT A NEW GENERATION GO AND DO WHAT YOU WANT TO DO AND THAT'S WHA I'M GONNDO AND I DON'T GIVE A DAMN 'BOUT MY BAD REPUTATION OH, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO NOT ME WHAH! NO! NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO NOT ME ME, ME, ME, ME I DON'T GIVE A DAMN 'BOUT MY REPUTATION I'VE NEVER BEEN AFRAID OF ANY DEVIATION AND I DON'T REALLY CARE IF YOU THINK I'M STRANGE I AIN'T GONNA CHANGE ND I'M NEVER GONNA CARE 'BOUT MY BAD RUTATION NOT ME! Sam: YOU LOOK A LITTLE BI LIKE MY GRANDPA.
OH, IS YOUR GRANDPA SUPER COOL? ALL RIGHT.
SIMMER DOWN, PETUNIAS.
LET'S GO.
WE'VE GO A BUSY WEEK AHEAD OF US.
IT'S TIME TO START TRAINING FOR THE PRESIDENT'S PHYSICAL FITNESS TEST.
JIMMY CARTER'S A WIMP.
HEY, CAN IT, WHITE.
WE'RE GONNA STAR ON UPPER-BODY STRENGTH WITH A LITTLE ROPE-CLIMBING.
YEAH.
THAT'S GONNA HELP US GET INTO A GOOD COLLEGE.
ALL RIGHT, FELLAS, LET'S-- OH, ONE MORE THING.
NEW DISTRICT POLICY.
EVERYBODY MUST TAKE A SHOWER AFTER CLASS STARTING TODAY.
AND I'M GONNA BE CHECKING FOR WET HAIR, SO DON'T THINK YOU CAN PULL A FAST ONE.
IS WEIR ALLOWED TO SHOWER WITH US? 'CAUSE HE'S A WOMAN.
[LAUGHTER.]
COME ON, LADIES, LET'S MOVE! GET UP THERE.
KISS THE BEAM, YOU'RE ON MY TEAM.
WHAT DO I LOOK LIKE, A FREAKIN' TARZAN? WHOA.
COME ON, BILL.
THEY CANNOT MAKE US TAKE A SHOWER.
THIS IS SCHOOL.
THEY CAN MAKE US DO ANYTHING.
DON'T YOU THINK IT'S KINDA WEIRD THAT THEY WANT US TO, YOU KNOWGET NAKED? IT'S NO A BURLESQUE SHOW, SAM.
THEY JUST WANT US TO SHOWER.
WHAT ARE YOU GUYS TALKING ABOUT? STOP LOOKIN' UP MY SHORTS.
WHY WOULD WE? THERE'S NOTHING TO SEE.
JUST KEEP CLIMBING, WONDER WOMAN.
THERE IS SOMETHING TO SEE.
WELL, I'M NO GONNA DO IT.
WHY, BECAUSE YOU DON' HAVE ANY PIT HAIR? I HAVE PIT HAIR.
BESIDES, I THINK IT'S KINDA WEIRD THAT YOU WANNA GET NAKED IN FRONT OF EVERYBODY.
HEY, SCHWEIBER.
YOU GONNA SHOW US YOUR CIRCUMCISION IN THE SHOWERS TODAY? YEAH.
TAKE A NUMBER.
[LAUGHING.]
WELL, I GUESS IT IS KINDA WEIRD.
THEN ALL RIGHT.
HAT'S SETTLED.
WE'RE NOT DOING IT.
I CAN'T GO UP ANY FARTHER, GUYS.
HOW DO I GET BACK DOWN? HI, EVERYBODY.
IF YOU'RE JU A BOY OR GIRL WHO CAN'T SAY NO THEN YOU WON'T BE ABLE TO SAY NO TO TICKETS TO THE McKINLEY DRAMA CLUB'S PRESENTATION OF WHAT? WHAT? OKLAHOMA! OKLAHOMA! OH, NO! NO WAY.
SO COME ON DOWN,AND PARDNER, LEAVE THE DUCKS AND GEESE AT HOME.
OH, WHAT A BEAUTIFUL EVENING YOU'LL HAVE.
YEE-HAW! YEE-HAW! OK.
TICKETS ARE $2.
00 AT THE BOX OFFICE.
DON'T MISS IT.
IT'S A GREAT SHOW.
WOW.
YOU'D LOOK GOOD IN THAT DRESS.
THANKS.
HEY.
YOU GUYS WANNA REHEARSE TODAY? OH, YEAH.
YEAH.
YEAH? YEAH, SURE.
IS THIS YOUR GUYS' ROCK BAND? YEAH.
WE GO TA AUDITION FOR A BATTLE OF THE BANDS COMING UP.
THE WINNER GETS 300 BUCKS.
OH, YEAH! I BET YOU GUYS ARE REALLY GOOD.
I DON'T THINK SO.
DO YOU GUYS HAVE A NAME? YEAH.
CREATION.
NO, WE DON' HAVE A NAME.
COME ON.
I LIKE THAT NAME.
ALL RIGHT.
3:00.
NO.
I GOTTA DO SOMETHING WITH KIM AT 3:00.
AH.
HOW ABOUT 3:01? HOW ABOUT 3:15? I GOTTA FIT IN YOUR MOTHER.
YOU WANNA SLEEP WITH MY MOM? MM-HMM.
[WATER SPLASHING.]
YOU KNOW, TOE HONEST, I DON'T SMELL SO GOOD.
I COULD PROBABLY USE A SHOWER.
Sam: NO! WE HAVE TO STICK TOGETHER.
HEY, IF WE DON'T SHOWER, THEN WE ARE GONNA STICK TOGETHER.
YOU GET IT? WEIR! ARE YOU LADIES HAVING A NICE TIME AT THE BEAUTY PARLOR? UM YOU SEE, UH MR.
FREDRICKS, THE THING IS THAT-- AH--AH--SCHWEIBER? I TOLD YOU GUYS, EVERYBODY HAS TO SHOWER.
WELLWE DIDN' EVEN SWEAT.
SMELL US.
UH, YOU KNOW, WEIR, I'LL PUT THA ON MY "TO DO" LIST.
FELLAS, HIT THE SHOWER.
[CLASS BELL RINGS.]
WELL, SEE, WE'RE GONNA BE LATE FOR CLASS, AND I HAVE AN ALGEBRA TES THAT I CANNOT MAKE UP.
AND I CAN'T BE LATE FOR CLASS.
JUST GO TO CLASS.
ALL RIGHT.
GO-- TOMORROW, YOU WILL GET IN THE SHOWER.
AND IF YOU DON'T DO IT, I'M GONNA KNOW ABOUT IT.
THAT GUY'S REALLY INTO MAKING GUYS SHOWER.
TELL ME ABOUT IT.
I'VE BEEN WAITING SO LONG YES, I'VE BEEN WAITING SO LONG I SAID, I'VE BEEN WAITIN' TOO LONG TO BE WHERE I'M GOIN' IN THE SUNSHINE OF YOUR LO AAH! WHOOO! YEAH! YEAH! THAT WAS AMAZING.
YOU LOOK SO HO WHEN YOU PLAY.
I WISH I COULD SMASH THIS THI.
[CHANTING.]
DO IT! DO IT! WHOO-HOO-HOO! WHAT'D YOU THINK? THAT WAS PRETTY AMAZING, HUH? THAT WAS REALLY WILD.
HEY.
HEY, HEY, LISTEN, UH, LINDSAY CAME UP WITH SOME GREAT NAMES FOR THE BAND.
TELL THEM, LINDSAY.
OH, YEAH? I HOPE IT'S SOMETHING CATCHY, LIKE, UH, THE MATH-LETES.
ALL RIGHT.
LET'S HEAR 'EM.
WELL, I THOUGHT THE BAND NEEDED A NAME THAT NOT ONLY SAID WHO YOU WERE, BUT WHAT YOU WANT TO REPRESENT TO THE AUDIENCE.
SO SAY IT.
[SOFTLY.]
Go tell 'em.
OK.
HERE'S ONE.
MISSION CONTROL.
NO WAY.
Nick: WHY NOT? 'CAUSE IT SOUNDS LIKE SOME SPACE THING.
SO? WHAT'S WRONG WITH THAT? SPACE BLOWS.
YEAH.
OK.
TELL 'EM THE NEXT ONE THAT YOU THOUGHT UP.
YOU GUYS ARE GONNA LOVE THIS ONE.
TELL 'EM.
OK.
ANARCHY'S CHILD.
NO WAY! BOO! BOO BOO BOO.
Ken: WHAT DOES THA EVEN MEAN? Nick: I DON'T SEE YOU GUYS COMING UP WITH ANY NAMES FOR THE BAND.
HELLO, LADIES, GENTLEMEN.
All: HELLO, MR.
ANDOPOLIS.
I TAKE I THE SYMPHONY'S OVER.
I'M SORRY, DAD.
WE JUST FINISHED.
IT SOUNDED A LOT BETTER, THOUGH, RIGHT? NICK, CAN I TALK TO YOU FOR A MOMENT? YES, SIR.
I'LL BE UPSTAIRS.
[MOCKING.]
LADIES, GENTLEMEN LET'S GET OUTTA HERE.
HEY, UH, I'LL JUST BE A MINUTE.
YEAH, BUT HE WON'T.
Kim: HEY, I'M HUNGRY.
CAN WE GET SOMETHING TO EAT? YEAH.
LET'S GO.
HEY, YOU WORKING THE DRIVE-THROUGH? AL YEAH, IN AN HOUR.
L RIGHT! LET'S GO THERE, GET A BUNCH OF FREE CRAP.
YOU'VE GOT TO AT LEAS BUY A POP, MAN, OR I'M GONNAHE GET CAUGHT.
CAN'T YOU JUST WAIT FOR ME? JUST MEET US THERE.
THIS IS MISSION CONTROL REQUESTING PERMISSION TO ROCK OUT.
HEY, I'LL WAIT FOR YOU.
YEAH? YEAH.
HEY, DAD, I KNOW I'M NO SUPPOSED TO PLAY PAST 5:00.
IF Y I'M REALLY SORRY.
OU'RE SORRY, YOU WOULDN'T KEEP DOING THIS.
I GUESS I JUST FORGO TO LOOK AT THE CLOCK.
NICK, YOU'RE KILLING ME HERE.
JEEZ, I KEEP TRYING TO BE A GOOD GUY, YOU'RE PUSHING ME.
I'M NOT PUSHING YOU, DAD.
YOU'RE PUSHING ME, NICK.
I WANT YOUR DRUMS OUT OF THE BASEMENT.
DAD, YOU ALREADY MADE ME MOVE THE DRUMS OUT OF THE GARAGE.
WHERE AM I SUPPOSED TO PUT THEM IF I CAN'T KEEP THEM IN THE BASEMENT? INSTEAD OF PRACTICING WITH YOUR FRIENDS, WHY DON'T YOU TRY PRACTICING AT KEEPING YOUR GRADES UP? 'CAUSE YOUR 18th BIRTHDAY'S COMING UP FAST.
YOU'VE GOT TO MAINTAIN A C+ AVERAGE.
YOU KNOW OUREAL.
DAD, I REALLY-- I DON'T WANNA JOIN THE ARMY, OK? I'M NOT CUT OU FOR THE ARMY.
C+.
IT'S NOT TOO MUCH TO ASK FOR, NICK.
I'M STUDYING AS HARD AS I CAN.
MAYBE I'M NO SMART ENOUGH OR SOMETHING, BUT I'M DOING THE BEST THAT I CAN.
YOU'RE NOT WORKING HARD ENOUGH, NICK.
YES, SIR.
DAD? I REALLY THINK THAT I CAN MAKE IT AS A DRUMMER.
NICK, I REALLY THOUGH THAT I COULD WALK ON THE MOON, BUT YOU JUST DON'T SEE ANY MOON ROCKS AROUND HERE, DO YA? THANKS FOR THE TALK, DAD.
YOU MOM CANS HER OWN VEGETABLES? YEAH.
[MUFFLED.]
AAAHHH! [SIGHS.]
ARE YOU OK? LOOK, WHY DON'T YOU GO, UM WHY DON'T YOU GO MEET UP WITH THOSE OTHER GUYS? YEAH, OK.
LOOK, NICK, I COULDN'T HELP OVERHEARING.
AND I KNOW MAYBE IT'S NONE OF MY BUSINESS, BUT YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TOLD ME WHEN I FIRST MET YOU THAT YOUR DRUMS ARE YOUR REASON FOR LIVING, AND I DON'T THINK YOU SHOULD LET ANYONE TALK YOU OUT OF THAT.
YOU JUST NEED TO STICK WITH I AND PROVE EVERYBODY WRONG.
IS THAT REALLY WHAT YOU THINK? ABSOLUTELY.
YOU CAN DO WHATEVER YOU WAN IF YOU BELIEVE IN YOURSELF.
NO ONE'S EVER SAID THA TO ME BEFORE.
WELL, IT'S TRUE.
THANK YOU.
LINDSAY YOU'RE LIKE THE ONLY PERSON WHO'S EVER GOTTEN WHAT I'M ABOUT.
YEAH, WELL, WE'RE NO THAT DIFFERENT EXCEPT YOU'RE GONNA BE A FAMOUS DRUMMER.
DO YOU WANNA COME WITH ME TO MEET UP WITH THOSE GUYS? .
ALL RIGHT.
LET'S GO.
I SHOULD PROBLY CHANGE OUT OF THESE SHORTS FIRST.
I THINK THEY LOOK GOOD.
IT'S JUST A LOT EASIER FOR ME TO DRUM WITHOU FABRIC ON MY THIGHS.
THIS EARTH BALL DOESN' LOOK LIKE THE EARTH.
WHOA! WATCH OUT! THAT'S IT.
I'M GONNA DIE IN GYM CLASS.
[BLOWS WHISTLE.]
OK, EVERYBODY HIT THE SHOWER.
COME ON, THAT'S IT.
GOOD JOB.
GOOD JOB TODAY.
COME ON, THIS IS RIDICULOUS.
MY HANDS ARE FILTHY.
YEAH, AND I CAN'T SAY NO TO A LONG, LUXURIOUS SHOWER.
NO! YOU CAN'T! YOU'RE ON YOUR OWN.
I'MFARSHTINKINER, AND I'M SHOWERING.
OH, COME ON.
JUST ONE MORE DAY.
WOULD YOU QUIT BEING SUCH A BABY? JUST CLOSE YOUR EYES, AND IT'LL BE OVER BEFORE YOU KNOW IT.
I'M WITH HIM.
OH, THANKS! YOU KNOW? FRIENDS.
HEY, SAM.
ARE, UH ARE YOU TAKING FRENCH NEXT YEAR? UH I DON'T KNOW.
I'M THINKING OF TAKING GERMAN, SINCE I'M 1/4 GERMAN.
C-COULD YOU PUT ON A TOWEL? WHY? WELL 'CAUSE YOU'RE NAKED? SAM, OUR BODIES ARE MERELY A SHELL WHICH CONCEAL OUR HEAVENLY SOULS.
TRY NOT TO GE TOO UPTIGHT.
AUF WIEDERSEHEN.
WHEN DID YOU GE CHEST HAIR? WHAT? I HAVE CHEST HA-- OH! WOULD YOU LOOK AT THAT? IT'LL SLOW YOU DOWN IN THE POOL.
SO, YOU GUYS ARE GONNA DO IT.
I MEAN YOU'RE GONNA TAKE A SHOWER.
IT'S JUST WATER.
WHAT COULD HAPPEN? WELL, YOU COULD STOP SMELLING LIKE MY BUTT, FOR ONE.
Neal: OH, SHOOT! I WAS GONNA BRING SOME COLOGNE.
I COMPLETELY FORGOT.
NAIL THE GEEKS! STOP! OWW! MY-- STOP IT! STOP, GUYS, COME ON! AAH! OHH! STOP IT! STOP! OWW! I HOPE I CAN STILL HAVE KIDS.
COME ON.
YOU GOT HI IN THE GROIN.
YOU DIDN'T HAVE A HYSTERECTOMY.
OWW! OH, MY GOD! WEIR, WHAT ARE YOU DOING? LOOK AT THAT HEAD OF HAIR, HUH? YOU JUST GET THAT CUT? THAT IS VERY STYLISH AND VERY, VERY DRY.
COME ON.
I'M NO GOING THROUGH THIS AGAIN.
OFF WITH THE CLOTHES AND INTO THE SHOWER.
NO.
WHAT? I MEAN I DON'T FEEL TOO WELL.
YOU DON'T FEEL WELL.
YOU THINK I'M NEW? DON'T PULL THE FAKE SICK CRAP ON ME.
COME ON.
NO, NO, NO.
I--I AM SICK.
I'M DIZZY ANDAND I HAVE A HEADACHE, AND I'M NAUSEOUS.
ALL RIGHT, OK.
JUST GO TO THE NURSE'S OFFICE.
THANK YOU.
PICK UP THE ACADEMY AWARD ON THE WAY THERE, WEIR.
SHEESH.
SCHWEIBER, PUT ON SOME CLOTHES.
YOU LOOK LIKE A 50-YEAR-OLD MAN.
HEY.
HEY, I THOUGHT YOU GUYS WERE PRACTICING TODAY.
YEAH.
I DON'T KNOW IF THOSE GUYS ARE COMING OR NOT.
UM THEY WENT DOWN TO THE JUNKYARD TO GET A CARBURETOR FOR KIM'S GREMLIN.
YEAH, IT MIGH TAKE AWHILE.
WHAT? NO.
I JUST I THINK YOU GUYS NEED TO REHEARSE MORE.
I THOUGHT THAT YOU SAID THAT WE WERE GOOD.
YEAH, BUT YOU GUYS AREN'T GOOD ENOUGH TO WIN ANY COMPETITIONS.
THANKS A LOT, YOU KNOW? THANKS A LOT, LINDSAY.
NO.
I WELL, I MEAN, IT'S TRUE, NICK.
IF YOU WANNA PROVE YOUR DAD WRONG, THEN THE BAND HAS TO BE REALLY GREAT, OR ELSE HE'S GONNA SEND YOU TO THE ARMY.
I KNOW.
I KNOW.
YOU JUST NEED TO WORK HARDER.
YOU THINK SO? UH-HUH.
YEAH.
WHEN I WAS IN THE MATHLETES, WE DID LOGARITHMS UNTIL WE COULDN'T SEE STRAIGHT.
YOU KNOW, BUT IT PAID OFF.
WE WERE STATE CHAMPIONS, AND WE WENT TO NATIONALS 2 YEARS IN A ROW.
YEAH.
I DON'T KNOW.
DANIEL ISN'T REALLY INTO PRACTICING.
WELL, WHO'S THE LEADER OF THIS BAND? YOU OR DANIEL? OOH, IT'S HOT! IT'S SMOKIN' IT'SO HOT! Ken: THANK YOU! Sean: I LIKE IT FAST.
HEY, UH, LISTEN, GUYS LISTEN, UH THAT WASN'T VERY GOOD.
LET'S TRY IT AGAIN.
WHAT? T'S TRY SUNSHINE OF YOUR LOVEAGAIN.
WELL, WE JUS PLAYED IT, MAN.
WHY WOULD WE DO IT AGAIN? 'CAUSE IT WASN'T, UH IT WASN'T RIGHT, MAN.
IT WAS REALLY SLOPPY, AN D IT DIDN'T REALLY SOUND ANYTHING LIKE THE RECORD.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE RECORD SOUNDS LIKE, OK? WE PLAY IT THE WAY WE PLAY IT.
ARE YOU STILL BUYIN' PO FROM THE SAME GUY? YOU MEAN ME? LOOK, GUYS I JUST WANNA PLAY THE SONG RIGHT, YOU KNOW? LOOK, ANY WAY WE PLAY IS THE RIGHT WAY.
NOT IF WE WANT TO GET INTO BATTLE OF THE BANDS, DANIEL.
I COULD GIVE A CRAP ABOUT BATTLE OF THE BANDS! WHO CARES? YOU WERE RIGHT, LINDSAY.
RIGHT ABOUT WHAT? PLEASE.
DO TELL.
Nick: I'LL TELL YOU.
THAT YOU GUYS DON'T CARE, YOU KNOW? LOOK, MAYBE YOU GUYS ARE JUST SCREWIN' AROUND, BUT II WANT US TO BE GOOD, YOU KNOW? I'M TIRED OF SUCKING AT EVERYTHING IN MY LIFE, AND I WANNA NAIL THAT AUDITION, ALL RIGHT? BUT WE'RE NOT GONNA NAIL THAT AUDITION UNLESS WE PLAY THE SONGS OVER AND OVER AND OVER AGAIN UNTIL THEY'RE PERFECT.
ALL RIGHT, DANIEL? SO CAN WE JUST PLAY THE SONG RIGHT ONCE? PLEASE? ALL RIGHT? LET'S PLAY THE STUPID SONG.
THANK YOU.
HEY, HEY, HEY, HEY, HEY, HEY! DID YOU HEAR ANY STICKS, MAN? WAIT FOR MY STICKS, ALL RIGHT? Ken: GEE, THIS IS REALLY FUN, GUYS.
I'M GLAD WE HAVE A BAND.
[PLAYING SUNSHINE OF YOUR LOVE.]
I'VE BEEN WAITING SO LONG TO BE WHERE I'M GOING IN THE SUNSHINE OF YOUR LOOOOVE WELL, THAT SUCKED.
ROYALLY.
NO, HEY.
HEY, IT SOUNDED BETTER.
YEAH, IT REALLY DID SOUND BETTER.
OH, DID IT, LINDSAY? DO YOU APPROVE? COME ON, DANIEL.
I'M OUTTA HERE.
YOU'RE A PIECE OF WORK, LINDSAY.
Nick: DANIEL, WHERE YOU GOING? ANYWHERE! WE NEED TO REHEARSE MORE, DANIEL! NO,YOUNEED TO REHEARSE MORE! WE NEED TO GET THE HELL OUT OF HERE! I HATE THIS SONG NOW.
WE PLAYED IT, LIKE, 6 TIMES.
I NEVER WANNA HEAR IT AGAIN.
IT SOUNDED BETTER.
WHO CARES, MAN? WE'RE IN A PANELED BASEMENT, NOT THE SILVERDOME.
YOU KNOW, YOU AND YOKO HERE HAVE TURNED MUSIC INTO SCHOOL.
WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO, START HANDING OU BAND HOMEWORK? I JUST WANNA PLAY THE SONG RIGHT, DANIEL! THEN GO JOIN THE MARCHING BAND, GEEK.
YOU KNOW WHAT? SHUT UP! AT LEAST THE MARCHING BAND CAN PLAY SOMETHING RIGH TWICE IN A ROW! YOU ARE A DUMB-ASS, ANDOPOLIS! ROCK 'N' ROLL DON'T COME FROM YOUR BRAIN.
IT COMES FROM YOUR CROTCH.
AND IF YOU EVER GOT ANY, MR.
CUTE SHORTS, YOU'D KNOW THAT.
LET'S GET OUT OF HERE.
I QUIT.
Nick: FINE! I GUESS THAT MEANS I QUIT.
FINE! QUIT! [THROWS DOWN DRUMSTICKS.]
YOU'RE NOT EVEN GOOD ENOUGH TO BE IN CREATION! THANKS A LOT, LINDSAY.
Neal: I DON'T GET IT.
WHAT DO THEY HAVE THAT WE DON'T? GOOD BODIES.
SO HE CAN THROW HER OVER HIS SHOULDER.
BIG DEAL.
Bill: HE SHOULD USE HIS LEGS MORE.
HE'S GONNA THROW OU HIS BACK.
I DON'T KNOW.
I MEAN, MY MOM SAYS THA WOMEN PREFER GUYS WITH A GOOD SENSE OF HUMOR.
BUT YOU'RE NO VERY FUNNY.
SCREW YOU! I'M HILARIOUS.
OOH, HOW WITTY.
GET THIS GUY ON HOLLYWOOD SQUARES.
I OVERHEARD THAT TODD SHELLINGER TAKES OFF HIS SHIR WHEN HE MAKES OUT.
WHY WOULD HE DO THAT? WHY WOULD ANYBODY DO THAT? PROBABLY TO SHOW OFF HIS CHEST HAIR.
I KNOW THAT'S WHAT I'M GONNA DO.
[SNICKERS.]
GO AHEAD, LAUGH, BUT ALL COOL GUYS HAVE HAIRY CHESTS: SELLECK, REYNOLDS, ROCKFORD.
HEY, WHAT ABOUT MORK? HE'S GOT MORE HAIR ON HIS HAND THAN SAM HAS IN HIS PITS.
HA HA HA! SHUT UP! WILL GIRLS EVER LIKE US? I THINK OUR BEST PLAY IS TO GO FOR THE SMART, SEXY LIBRARIAN TYPE.
YOU KNOW, SHE'S SWEET AND SHY, BUT THEN SHE TAKES OFF HER GLASSES AND RRROWF! HA HA HA! LIKE BAILEY ON WKRP IN CINCINNATI.
YUP.
BUT CINDY SANDERS IS LIKE A LIBRARIAN TYPE.
YEAH.
LIBRARIAN FOR THE PLAYBOY MANSION.
THIS PUSH-UP'S TOO HARD TO PUSH UP.
OHHH! OH, MAN! GROSS! OH, YOU'RE SICK.
OH, MY GOD.
IT'S COLD.
HEY.
SO, WHERE IS EVERYBODY? NO IDEA.
WELL, THAT'S KINDA WEIRD, ISN'T IT? I MEAN, THAT NO ONE IS AROUND NOT THAT YOU DON'T HAV ANY IDEA WHERE ANYONE IS.
I'M GONNA GO.
HEY, LINDSAY.
THANKS FOR BREAKING UP THE BAND.
WHAT? [MOCKINGLY.]
WHAT? I DIDN'T BREAK UP THE BAND.
I JUST THOUGHT YOU GUYS SHOULD LEARN ONE SONG.
SO, YOU ADMIT IT.
YES, I ADMIT IT.
I GOD! HOW COULD I BE SO AWFUL TO SUGGES THAT YOU ACTUALLY PLAY AN ENTIRE SONG CORRECTLY ALL THE WAY THROUGH? GOD KNOWS ZEPPELIN ONLY PLAYS HALF OFSTAIRWAY TO HEAVEN, AND THE WHO NEVER EVEN PRACTICESTEENAGE WASTELAND.
BABBA O'REILLY.
WHAT? THE NAME OF THE SONG ISBABBA O'REILLY.
IT'S ONWHO'S NEXT? YOU KNOW, I DIDN' BREAK UP THE BAND.
I JUST WANTED TO HELP NICK.
NICK DOESN'T NEED ANY HELP.
HOW CAN YOU SAY THAT? IF HE DOESN'T MAKE I AS A DRUMMER, HE HAS TO GO INTO THE ARMY.
WHAT? HE'S NOT GONNA MAKE I AS A DRUMMER.
SO WHY DON'T YOU JUS LET HIM HAVE SOME FUN BEFORE HE HAS TO SHIP OFF? YEAH? WELL, YOU SOUND JUST LIKE HIS DAD.
MAYBE HIS DAD IS RIGHT.
I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU'RE SAYING THAT.
LINDSAY, HE'S NOT GONNA BE THE NEXT KEITH MOON.
SO IF HE'S GOT SOMEPLACE TO GO THAT'S GONNA TAKE CARE OF HIM, WHY DON'T YOU JUST STAY OUT OF HIS WAY? DANIEL, THAT IS NO HOW IT HAS TO BE.
OHOK.
[BELL RINGS.]
SCHWEIBER.
HERE.
TRINSKY.
ICH BIN HIER.
WEIR.
WEIR! ANYBODY SEEN WEIR? WEIR! Mark: YEAH, MAN, AND THIS KID, HE WAS, LIKE, "RED-RUM! RED-RUM!" FOET IT, MAN, RED-RUM'S MURDER BACKWARDS.
HEY! COME ON.
THIS AIN'T TEA WITH THE QUEEN.
YOU LEAVE NOW, YOU'RE STILL 10 MINUTES LATE TO CLASS.
COME ON, LET'S GO.
RED-RUM AW, GET OUT OF HERE, YOU NUT! [SPLASH.]
WHO'S THERE? [SHOE SQUEAKS.]
WHO'S IN THERE? HEY, YOU KNOW, IT'S A LITTLE EASIER IF YOU SIT DOWN AND DROP YOUR PANTS.
HEY! HEY.
SO, UH, HOW COME YOU WEREN' I BAILED.
THE, UH, WHOLE BAND BREAKING UP THING HAS GOTTEN ME REALLY DOWN.
YOU KNOW? YEAH, WELL, IT SHOULDN'T.
AND IT WASN' A REAL BAND.
THOSE GUYS WERE JUS SCREWING AROUND.
YOU'RE THE ONLY ONE TRYING TO BE A PROFESSIONAL.
YEAH.
I STILL DON'T HAVE A BAND, UH, YOU KNOW? WELL, MAYBE YOU COULD JOIN THIS ONE.
WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? DIMENSION'S LOOKING FOR A NEW DRUMMER?! YEAH.
IT WAS UP AT THE RECORD STORE.
THESE GUYS ARE LIKE THE TOP WORKING BAND IN DETROIT! I SAW THEM OPEN FOR JETHRO TULL AT COBO HALL LAST YEAR.
TULL COULD BARELY FOLLOW THEM.
OH, MAN! YOU COULD BE GETTING PAID TO DRUM, LIKE A REAL JOB.
OH, OH, HELL, YEAH! MAN, I GOTTA GO CALL THESE GUYS AND SET UP AN AUDITION.
AND THEN I GOTTA GO PRACTICE.
IT'S NOT--IT'S NOT 5:00 YET, IS IT? MM-MM.
YEAH! OH! THANK YOU.
YOU'RE WELCOME.
I DON'T WANT TO GET NAKED IN FRONT OF OTHER GUYS.
WELL, WHO DOES? YOU KNOW HOW MANY MEN HAVE SEEN ME NAKED IN MY LIFETIME? A LOT.
DO YOU THINK I'M COMFORTABLE WITH IT? NO, BUT I LIVE WITH IT.
I JUST DON'T WANT THEM TO TEASE ME.
OH, WHO WOULD TEASE YOU? ALL RIGHT, LOOK, HERE'S WHAT YOU DO.
YOU TELL THE YOU'RE PROUD OF YOUR BODY.
THAT'LL SHOW 'EM.
SAMYOU HAVE A BEAUTIFUL BODY.
DOESN'T HE, HAROLD? YES.
I JUST SAID HE HAD A BEAUTIFUL BODY.
THOSE OTHER BOYS ARE PROBABLY JUST JEALOUS.
LINDSAY, TELL YOUR BROTHER WHAT A BEAUTIFUL BODY HE HAS.
MOM! MOM! Harold: LINDSAY.
WHAT? YOUR MOTHER ASKED YOU TO TELL YOUR BROTHER THAT HE HAS A BEAUTIFUL BODY.
THAT IS SO STUPID.
LINDSAY, TELL HIM.
IT'S NOT GONNA HELP HIM.
LINDSAY, JUST SAY THE WORDS.
IT'LL MAKE HIM FEEL BETTER.
SAM YOU HAVE A BEAUTIFUL BODY.
YOU'RE AN ADONIS, A SLAB OF BEEF IF I WASN'T YOUR SISTER, OH, MY GOD-- LINDSAY! CAN IT.
SEE, SWEETHEART? Scott: WOW! THAT WAS GREAT, PAUL.
WE'LL BE IN TOUCH.
I NEVER PLAYED ON DRUM KI THIS SMALL BEFORE.
I'M SURE I'LL BE FINE.
HEY, YOU NICK? YEAH.
HEY, I'M SCOTT.
HELLO, SCOTT.
THAT'S ALEX, AND THAT'S VANCE.
HEY, ALEX.
HELLO, VANCE.
Vance: HOW'S I GOIN', MAN? Nick: GREAT.
I HOPE THIS KIT'S OK WITH YOU.
OH, YEAH.
NO, IT'S FINE.
THE ONE I NORMALLY PLAY ON IS A LOT BIGGER.
OH, WOW, REALLY? HOW MANY PIECES? WHOA! 29-PIECE KIT.
W, WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE? YOU SHOULD BE AUDITIONING US.
PSHHH! YEAH, RIGHT.
RIGHT? HA HA.
I SAW YOU GUYS OPEN FOR JETHRO TULL AT COBO HALL LAST YEAR.
YOU GUYS BLEW THEM AWAY.
WELL, YOU MUST'VE BEEN THERE FRIDAY NIGHT, 'CAUSE SATURDAY NIGH WE GOT BOOED OFF THE STAGE.
WE DIDN'T GET BOOED OFF THE STAGE.
SO [LAUGHS.]
HAT DO YOU SAY? YOU WANNA JAM OR WHAT? YEAH! COOL.
LET'S ROCK IT, MAN.
COOL.
YOU CALL THE TUNE.
UHHOW ABOU A LITTLE CREAM? YEAH, LET'S DOCROSSROADS.
WHAT DO YOU, UH, WHAT ABOU SUNSHINE OF YOUR LOVE? I HATE THAT SONG.
LET'S DOCROSSROADS.
WE DO IT LIVE.
ALL NO PROBLEM.
RIGHT.
COUNT IT OFF, MY MAN.
Nick: ALL RIGHT.
Nick: ALL RIGHT.
YEAH.
THAT WAS GOOD, BUT LET'S TRY IT A LITTLE BIT TIGHTER.
TIGHTER? YEAH.
ALL RIGHT.
LET'S DO IT.
COUNT IT OFF.
RIGHT.
HOLD IT.
HOLD IT.
HOLD ON.
LET'S TRY I JUST A LITTLE BIT QUICKER PACE.
OH, QUICKER PACE.
YEAH.
OK.
COOL.
SORRY 'BOUT THAT.
READY? ALL RIGHT, HERE WE GO.
COUNT IT OFF.
I WENT DOWN TO THE CROSSROADS GOT DOWN ON MY KNEES GOT TTHE CROSSROADS, DROPPED DOWN ON MY KNEES ASKED THE LORD FOR MERCY GOOD.
ALL RIGHT.
GREAT JOB, MAN.
COOL.
THANKS A LOT.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN? THAT'S IT? WHAT, THAT'S IT? YEAH.
THANKS A LOT.
I--I, UH-- HEY, UH, GOOD LUCK WITH THAT 29-PIECER, MAN.
MAYBE SOMEDAY, YOU'LL KNOCK IT UP TO AN EVEN 30.
THANKS.
SO, WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO NOW? JOIN THE ARMY, I GUESS.
NO.
I MEAN RIGHT NOW.
DO YOU WANT TO GO TO THE RECORD STORE OR ANYTHING? I SUCK, LINDSAY.
NO, YOU DON'T.
YOU WERE IN THERE WITH ME, RIGHT? YOU--YOU HEARD ME PLAYING? I WAS A JOKE.
YOU KNOW, NICK, THOSE GUYS ARE 5 YEARS OLDER THAN YOU.
AND IN 5 YEARS, YOU'RE GONNA BE WAY BETTER THAN THEY ARE.
NO, I'M NOT.
SOMETIMES I GO DOWN IN MY BASEMENT, AND I PUT ON A LIVE ALBUM, I CAN SEE MYSELF ON THE STAGE.
DO YOU UNDERSTAND WHAT I MEAN? I CAN SEE IT.
AND I'M PLAYING A 10-MINUTE SOLO, AND I'M ON ONE OF THOSE HYDRAULIC RISERS, YOU KNOW, THAT MAKE THE DRUM KI GO WAY UP HIGH.
I'M PETER CHRIS OR SOMETHING.
OH, MAN I'M NOT GONNA BE THAT GUY.
I'M NEVER GONNA BE THAT GUY.
I'LL BE LUCKY IF I GET TO BE THE GUY WHO PUSHES THE BUTTON THAT MAKES THE RISER GO UP, BUT I'M NOT EVEN GONNA BE THAT GUY.
I'M NOT EVEN GONNA BE THAT GUY 'CAUSE I CAN' EVEN KEEP A C+ AVERAGE, MAN.
WELL, NICK, I COULD-- I CAN HELP YOU GET YOUR GRADES UP.
HE'S GONNA MAKE ME JOIN THE ARMY.
OH, MAN, I'M GONNA HAVE TO JOIN THE ARMY.
UNDEDBY A GROUP OF PSYCHOPATHS LIKE MY BROTHERS AND LIKE MY DAD.
NICK, COME ON.
THAT'S NOT GONNA HAPPEN TO YOU.
I WON'T LET IT.
OH, MY GOD.
I'M DONE, MAN.
I'M DONE.
IN A WHITE ROOM WITH BLACK CURTAINS HERE'S THE STATION BLACK ROOF COUNTRY, NO GOLD PAVEMENTS TIRED STYLINGS SILVER HORSES RUN DOWN MOONBEAMS IN YOUR DARK EYES DARK LIGHT SMILE ON YOU LEAVING FIND CONTENTMEN Neal: WHAT IS WRONG WITH THEM? WHY DO THEY THINK THAT HITTING PEOPLE WITH TOWELS IS SO FUNNY? IF IT WASN'T US HA HA HA IT WOULD BE KINDA FUNNY.
Boy: AFTERNOON, GENTLEMEN.
HEY, HAVE YOU LOST WEIGHT? SHUT UP! GET OUT OF MY WAY.
I'M GONNA TAKE A SHOWER.
LOOK WHO FINALLY DECIDED TO TAKE A SHOWER.
NICE PECS, WEIR.
YOU LOOK LIKE A FLAT-CHESTED GIRL.
HA HA! FLAT-CHESTED GIRL.
WELL, I'M PROUD OF MY BODY.
[MOCKINGLY.]
OH, HE'S PROUD OF HIS BODY.
OH, HE SHOULD BE PROUD.
LOOK AT THIS.
GET OUT OF MY WAY.
MAYBE YOU SH OULD SHOW I TO EVERYBODY THEN, HUH, WEIR? WHAT ARE YOU DOING?! COME ON, GUYS.
GUYS, DON'T-- I WOULDN'T WANT YOU TO MISS CLASS.
OH, COME ON! [POUNDING ON DOOR.]
LET ME IN! MR.
FREDRICKS! SO, UH, HOW LONG HAVE YOU BEEN TEACHING? 2 MONTHS.
2 MONTHS? DO YOU LIKE IT? I LOVE IT.
I LOVE IT, TOO.
MR.
FREDRICKS! OH, I'M SORRY, REAR.
I FORGOT TO TAKE THAT! GOD! [BULLIES LAUGH.]
[BELL RINGS.]
[GASPS.]
WHAT-- SAM, ALAN'S GONE.
ALL CLEAR, YOU CAN COME BACK NOW.
HEY, LINDSAY.
HI.
HI.
CAN I TALK TO YOU FOR A SECOND? YEAH.
SURE.
COME ON.
STREAKER! GO, SAM! GO! [NO SOUND.]
WHERE YOU FROM? I'M FROM RIGHT HERE.
I ACTUALLY LIVE DOWN THE STREET.
YOU'RE FROM RIGHT HERE? YEAH.
OH, MY-- YEAH, RIGHT.
YOU KNOW-- OH, JESUS.
WELL, WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU LOOKING AT? WEIR THE SHOWER'S THAT WAY.
I JUST WANTED YOU TO KNOW I CAN'T STOP THINKING ABOUT THAT KISS.
OH, GOOD.
IT REALLY MEANT A LOT TO ME.
I'M GLAD.
LET'S GO OUT TO THE PATIO.
PATIO? I THOUGH YOU WERE FIGHTING WITH THOSE GUYS.
YEAH, WE WERE, BUT NOT ANYMORE.
WEIGHT LIKE THA ALL THE TIME.
IT DOESN'T MEAN ANYTHING.
OH THEY HEARD WHAT HAPPENED AT THE AUDITION.
THEY CAME OVER LAST NIGHT, WE'RE COOL.
Kim: YOU KNOW, YOU GUYS, I'M SERIOUS.
I THINK MY MOM, LIKE, WANTS TO COME SEE THE BAND PLAY OR SOMETHING.
WHEN SHE GETS OUT OF REHAB? OH, HO HO.
SHUT UP.
YAH! YAY! RINGO STARR.
YOU FINALLY GO YOUR WISH, NICK.
YOU'RE AS GOOD A DRUMMER AS JOHN BONHAM.
OF COURSE, HE'S DEAD.
[LAUGHTER.]
YOU SHOULD'VE SEEN THE LOOKS ON THOSE GUYS' FACES, MAN.
I THINK I RUINED THEIR LOVE OF MUSIC FOREVER.
HEY, IS DIMENSION GONNA CHARGE YOU FOR THE PEE STAIN YOU LEFT ON THE DRUM SEAT? SHUT UP.
LOOK, DIMENSION SUCKS, MAN.
YOU'RE TOO GOOD FOR TH.
I SAW THEM OPEN FOR TULL, THEY GOT BOOED OFF THE STAGE.
THANKS A LOT, MAN.
[MOUTHING.]
Hey, Lindsay, we have to talk.
Daniel: SO ARE WE GONNA REHEARSE AT YOUR HOUSE TODAY [MOUTHING.]
You are such a slut.
Nick: NO.
IT'S COOL.
WE JUST GOTTA BE OU BY 5:00.
Daniel: HEY, LET'S PLAY SOME REAL SONGS FOR ONCE.
I WROTE OUT SOME IGGY POP AND RAMONES SONGS.
THE RAMONES? THE RAMONES ONLY PLAY, LIKE, 3 CHORDS, MAN.
ALL RIGHT, SO I'LL LEARN ANOTHER ONE.
I GOTTA PEE.
I HEARD YOU JUMPED HIM.
WHAT? YOU DON'T HAVE O ACT INNOCENT, LINDSAY, I KNOW YOU'RE A SLUT.
Neal: I'M PRETTY SURE CINDY DIDN'T SEE YOU.
AND IF SHE DID, IT WAS JUS WITH HER PERIPHERAL VISION.
YOU KNOW, IT WOULDN'T BE BAD IF PEOPLE SAW MY BACK.
BUT MY FRONT'S A WHOLE OTHER STORY, YOU KNOW? MAYBE I COULD TRANSFER TO ANOTHER SCHOOL.
WELL, WELL, WELL.
HEY, WEI R, THA WAS FUN IN GYM CLASS TODAY, HUH? LEAVE ME ALONE.
I HEARD THEY'RE BRINGING IN THE PSYCHIATRIS FOR ALL THE KIDS WHO HAD TO SEE YOU NAKED.
SHUT UP, ALAN.
Girls: THERE HE IS! WHOO! HEY, SAM, I HEARD YOU STREAKED! WAY TO GO! [CHEERING.]
HEY, SHUT UP! ALL RIGHT, SAM.
YOU GUYS ARE LOSERS, AND YOU ALWAYS WILL BE.
HOW COME YOU'RE THE ONE RIDING HOME WITH NO FRIENDS? YOU'RE LIKE A GOD.
PEOPLE ARE GONNA WORSHIP YOU.
[PLAYING ALONG WITH RECORDING.]
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ON RECORDING.]
I PLAY SO MUCH BETTER WHEN YOU'RE AROUND.
HEY, I WANT TO PLAY IT AGAIN.
PUT MORE DRY ICE IN THE BUCKET.
SURE.
THANKS.
CAap.
org-- BY.
BLICIBITMWOR
[PLAYING ALONG WITH TAPE.]
INVISIBLE AIRWAVES ACKLE WITH LIFE BRIGHT ANTENN BRISTLE WITH THE ENERGY [NICK SINGING AND PLAYING-- LOUD AND OUT OF KEY.]
MOTIONAL FEEDBACK ON TIMELESS WAVELENGTH BEARING A GIF BEYOND PRICE ALMOST FREE [TAPE.]
ALL THIS MACHINERY MAKING MODERNUSIC CAPTIONING MADE POSSIBLE BY DREAMWORKS TELEVISION, L.
L.
C.
ION'T GIVE A DA LIVIN' IN THE PAST, IT A NEW GENERATION GO AND DO WHAT YOU WANT TO DO AND THAT'S WHA I'M GONNDO AND I DON'T GIVE A DAMN 'BOUT MY BAD REPUTATION OH, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO NOT ME WHAH! NO! NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO NOT ME ME, ME, ME, ME I DON'T GIVE A DAMN 'BOUT MY REPUTATION I'VE NEVER BEEN AFRAID OF ANY DEVIATION AND I DON'T REALLY CARE IF YOU THINK I'M STRANGE I AIN'T GONNA CHANGE ND I'M NEVER GONNA CARE 'BOUT MY BAD RUTATION NOT ME! Sam: YOU LOOK A LITTLE BI LIKE MY GRANDPA.
OH, IS YOUR GRANDPA SUPER COOL? ALL RIGHT.
SIMMER DOWN, PETUNIAS.
LET'S GO.
WE'VE GO A BUSY WEEK AHEAD OF US.
IT'S TIME TO START TRAINING FOR THE PRESIDENT'S PHYSICAL FITNESS TEST.
JIMMY CARTER'S A WIMP.
HEY, CAN IT, WHITE.
WE'RE GONNA STAR ON UPPER-BODY STRENGTH WITH A LITTLE ROPE-CLIMBING.
YEAH.
THAT'S GONNA HELP US GET INTO A GOOD COLLEGE.
ALL RIGHT, FELLAS, LET'S-- OH, ONE MORE THING.
NEW DISTRICT POLICY.
EVERYBODY MUST TAKE A SHOWER AFTER CLASS STARTING TODAY.
AND I'M GONNA BE CHECKING FOR WET HAIR, SO DON'T THINK YOU CAN PULL A FAST ONE.
IS WEIR ALLOWED TO SHOWER WITH US? 'CAUSE HE'S A WOMAN.
[LAUGHTER.]
COME ON, LADIES, LET'S MOVE! GET UP THERE.
KISS THE BEAM, YOU'RE ON MY TEAM.
WHAT DO I LOOK LIKE, A FREAKIN' TARZAN? WHOA.
COME ON, BILL.
THEY CANNOT MAKE US TAKE A SHOWER.
THIS IS SCHOOL.
THEY CAN MAKE US DO ANYTHING.
DON'T YOU THINK IT'S KINDA WEIRD THAT THEY WANT US TO, YOU KNOWGET NAKED? IT'S NO A BURLESQUE SHOW, SAM.
THEY JUST WANT US TO SHOWER.
WHAT ARE YOU GUYS TALKING ABOUT? STOP LOOKIN' UP MY SHORTS.
WHY WOULD WE? THERE'S NOTHING TO SEE.
JUST KEEP CLIMBING, WONDER WOMAN.
THERE IS SOMETHING TO SEE.
WELL, I'M NO GONNA DO IT.
WHY, BECAUSE YOU DON' HAVE ANY PIT HAIR? I HAVE PIT HAIR.
BESIDES, I THINK IT'S KINDA WEIRD THAT YOU WANNA GET NAKED IN FRONT OF EVERYBODY.
HEY, SCHWEIBER.
YOU GONNA SHOW US YOUR CIRCUMCISION IN THE SHOWERS TODAY? YEAH.
TAKE A NUMBER.
[LAUGHING.]
WELL, I GUESS IT IS KINDA WEIRD.
THEN ALL RIGHT.
HAT'S SETTLED.
WE'RE NOT DOING IT.
I CAN'T GO UP ANY FARTHER, GUYS.
HOW DO I GET BACK DOWN? HI, EVERYBODY.
IF YOU'RE JU A BOY OR GIRL WHO CAN'T SAY NO THEN YOU WON'T BE ABLE TO SAY NO TO TICKETS TO THE McKINLEY DRAMA CLUB'S PRESENTATION OF WHAT? WHAT? OKLAHOMA! OKLAHOMA! OH, NO! NO WAY.
SO COME ON DOWN,AND PARDNER, LEAVE THE DUCKS AND GEESE AT HOME.
OH, WHAT A BEAUTIFUL EVENING YOU'LL HAVE.
YEE-HAW! YEE-HAW! OK.
TICKETS ARE $2.
00 AT THE BOX OFFICE.
DON'T MISS IT.
IT'S A GREAT SHOW.
WOW.
YOU'D LOOK GOOD IN THAT DRESS.
THANKS.
HEY.
YOU GUYS WANNA REHEARSE TODAY? OH, YEAH.
YEAH.
YEAH? YEAH, SURE.
IS THIS YOUR GUYS' ROCK BAND? YEAH.
WE GO TA AUDITION FOR A BATTLE OF THE BANDS COMING UP.
THE WINNER GETS 300 BUCKS.
OH, YEAH! I BET YOU GUYS ARE REALLY GOOD.
I DON'T THINK SO.
DO YOU GUYS HAVE A NAME? YEAH.
CREATION.
NO, WE DON' HAVE A NAME.
COME ON.
I LIKE THAT NAME.
ALL RIGHT.
3:00.
NO.
I GOTTA DO SOMETHING WITH KIM AT 3:00.
AH.
HOW ABOUT 3:01? HOW ABOUT 3:15? I GOTTA FIT IN YOUR MOTHER.
YOU WANNA SLEEP WITH MY MOM? MM-HMM.
[WATER SPLASHING.]
YOU KNOW, TOE HONEST, I DON'T SMELL SO GOOD.
I COULD PROBABLY USE A SHOWER.
Sam: NO! WE HAVE TO STICK TOGETHER.
HEY, IF WE DON'T SHOWER, THEN WE ARE GONNA STICK TOGETHER.
YOU GET IT? WEIR! ARE YOU LADIES HAVING A NICE TIME AT THE BEAUTY PARLOR? UM YOU SEE, UH MR.
FREDRICKS, THE THING IS THAT-- AH--AH--SCHWEIBER? I TOLD YOU GUYS, EVERYBODY HAS TO SHOWER.
WELLWE DIDN' EVEN SWEAT.
SMELL US.
UH, YOU KNOW, WEIR, I'LL PUT THA ON MY "TO DO" LIST.
FELLAS, HIT THE SHOWER.
[CLASS BELL RINGS.]
WELL, SEE, WE'RE GONNA BE LATE FOR CLASS, AND I HAVE AN ALGEBRA TES THAT I CANNOT MAKE UP.
AND I CAN'T BE LATE FOR CLASS.
JUST GO TO CLASS.
ALL RIGHT.
GO-- TOMORROW, YOU WILL GET IN THE SHOWER.
AND IF YOU DON'T DO IT, I'M GONNA KNOW ABOUT IT.
THAT GUY'S REALLY INTO MAKING GUYS SHOWER.
TELL ME ABOUT IT.
I'VE BEEN WAITING SO LONG YES, I'VE BEEN WAITING SO LONG I SAID, I'VE BEEN WAITIN' TOO LONG TO BE WHERE I'M GOIN' IN THE SUNSHINE OF YOUR LO AAH! WHOOO! YEAH! YEAH! THAT WAS AMAZING.
YOU LOOK SO HO WHEN YOU PLAY.
I WISH I COULD SMASH THIS THI.
[CHANTING.]
DO IT! DO IT! WHOO-HOO-HOO! WHAT'D YOU THINK? THAT WAS PRETTY AMAZING, HUH? THAT WAS REALLY WILD.
HEY.
HEY, HEY, LISTEN, UH, LINDSAY CAME UP WITH SOME GREAT NAMES FOR THE BAND.
TELL THEM, LINDSAY.
OH, YEAH? I HOPE IT'S SOMETHING CATCHY, LIKE, UH, THE MATH-LETES.
ALL RIGHT.
LET'S HEAR 'EM.
WELL, I THOUGHT THE BAND NEEDED A NAME THAT NOT ONLY SAID WHO YOU WERE, BUT WHAT YOU WANT TO REPRESENT TO THE AUDIENCE.
SO SAY IT.
[SOFTLY.]
Go tell 'em.
OK.
HERE'S ONE.
MISSION CONTROL.
NO WAY.
Nick: WHY NOT? 'CAUSE IT SOUNDS LIKE SOME SPACE THING.
SO? WHAT'S WRONG WITH THAT? SPACE BLOWS.
YEAH.
OK.
TELL 'EM THE NEXT ONE THAT YOU THOUGHT UP.
YOU GUYS ARE GONNA LOVE THIS ONE.
TELL 'EM.
OK.
ANARCHY'S CHILD.
NO WAY! BOO! BOO BOO BOO.
Ken: WHAT DOES THA EVEN MEAN? Nick: I DON'T SEE YOU GUYS COMING UP WITH ANY NAMES FOR THE BAND.
HELLO, LADIES, GENTLEMEN.
All: HELLO, MR.
ANDOPOLIS.
I TAKE I THE SYMPHONY'S OVER.
I'M SORRY, DAD.
WE JUST FINISHED.
IT SOUNDED A LOT BETTER, THOUGH, RIGHT? NICK, CAN I TALK TO YOU FOR A MOMENT? YES, SIR.
I'LL BE UPSTAIRS.
[MOCKING.]
LADIES, GENTLEMEN LET'S GET OUTTA HERE.
HEY, UH, I'LL JUST BE A MINUTE.
YEAH, BUT HE WON'T.
Kim: HEY, I'M HUNGRY.
CAN WE GET SOMETHING TO EAT? YEAH.
LET'S GO.
HEY, YOU WORKING THE DRIVE-THROUGH? AL YEAH, IN AN HOUR.
L RIGHT! LET'S GO THERE, GET A BUNCH OF FREE CRAP.
YOU'VE GOT TO AT LEAS BUY A POP, MAN, OR I'M GONNAHE GET CAUGHT.
CAN'T YOU JUST WAIT FOR ME? JUST MEET US THERE.
THIS IS MISSION CONTROL REQUESTING PERMISSION TO ROCK OUT.
HEY, I'LL WAIT FOR YOU.
YEAH? YEAH.
HEY, DAD, I KNOW I'M NO SUPPOSED TO PLAY PAST 5:00.
IF Y I'M REALLY SORRY.
OU'RE SORRY, YOU WOULDN'T KEEP DOING THIS.
I GUESS I JUST FORGO TO LOOK AT THE CLOCK.
NICK, YOU'RE KILLING ME HERE.
JEEZ, I KEEP TRYING TO BE A GOOD GUY, YOU'RE PUSHING ME.
I'M NOT PUSHING YOU, DAD.
YOU'RE PUSHING ME, NICK.
I WANT YOUR DRUMS OUT OF THE BASEMENT.
DAD, YOU ALREADY MADE ME MOVE THE DRUMS OUT OF THE GARAGE.
WHERE AM I SUPPOSED TO PUT THEM IF I CAN'T KEEP THEM IN THE BASEMENT? INSTEAD OF PRACTICING WITH YOUR FRIENDS, WHY DON'T YOU TRY PRACTICING AT KEEPING YOUR GRADES UP? 'CAUSE YOUR 18th BIRTHDAY'S COMING UP FAST.
YOU'VE GOT TO MAINTAIN A C+ AVERAGE.
YOU KNOW OUREAL.
DAD, I REALLY-- I DON'T WANNA JOIN THE ARMY, OK? I'M NOT CUT OU FOR THE ARMY.
C+.
IT'S NOT TOO MUCH TO ASK FOR, NICK.
I'M STUDYING AS HARD AS I CAN.
MAYBE I'M NO SMART ENOUGH OR SOMETHING, BUT I'M DOING THE BEST THAT I CAN.
YOU'RE NOT WORKING HARD ENOUGH, NICK.
YES, SIR.
DAD? I REALLY THINK THAT I CAN MAKE IT AS A DRUMMER.
NICK, I REALLY THOUGH THAT I COULD WALK ON THE MOON, BUT YOU JUST DON'T SEE ANY MOON ROCKS AROUND HERE, DO YA? THANKS FOR THE TALK, DAD.
YOU MOM CANS HER OWN VEGETABLES? YEAH.
[MUFFLED.]
AAAHHH! [SIGHS.]
ARE YOU OK? LOOK, WHY DON'T YOU GO, UM WHY DON'T YOU GO MEET UP WITH THOSE OTHER GUYS? YEAH, OK.
LOOK, NICK, I COULDN'T HELP OVERHEARING.
AND I KNOW MAYBE IT'S NONE OF MY BUSINESS, BUT YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TOLD ME WHEN I FIRST MET YOU THAT YOUR DRUMS ARE YOUR REASON FOR LIVING, AND I DON'T THINK YOU SHOULD LET ANYONE TALK YOU OUT OF THAT.
YOU JUST NEED TO STICK WITH I AND PROVE EVERYBODY WRONG.
IS THAT REALLY WHAT YOU THINK? ABSOLUTELY.
YOU CAN DO WHATEVER YOU WAN IF YOU BELIEVE IN YOURSELF.
NO ONE'S EVER SAID THA TO ME BEFORE.
WELL, IT'S TRUE.
THANK YOU.
LINDSAY YOU'RE LIKE THE ONLY PERSON WHO'S EVER GOTTEN WHAT I'M ABOUT.
YEAH, WELL, WE'RE NO THAT DIFFERENT EXCEPT YOU'RE GONNA BE A FAMOUS DRUMMER.
DO YOU WANNA COME WITH ME TO MEET UP WITH THOSE GUYS? .
ALL RIGHT.
LET'S GO.
I SHOULD PROBLY CHANGE OUT OF THESE SHORTS FIRST.
I THINK THEY LOOK GOOD.
IT'S JUST A LOT EASIER FOR ME TO DRUM WITHOU FABRIC ON MY THIGHS.
THIS EARTH BALL DOESN' LOOK LIKE THE EARTH.
WHOA! WATCH OUT! THAT'S IT.
I'M GONNA DIE IN GYM CLASS.
[BLOWS WHISTLE.]
OK, EVERYBODY HIT THE SHOWER.
COME ON, THAT'S IT.
GOOD JOB.
GOOD JOB TODAY.
COME ON, THIS IS RIDICULOUS.
MY HANDS ARE FILTHY.
YEAH, AND I CAN'T SAY NO TO A LONG, LUXURIOUS SHOWER.
NO! YOU CAN'T! YOU'RE ON YOUR OWN.
I'MFARSHTINKINER, AND I'M SHOWERING.
OH, COME ON.
JUST ONE MORE DAY.
WOULD YOU QUIT BEING SUCH A BABY? JUST CLOSE YOUR EYES, AND IT'LL BE OVER BEFORE YOU KNOW IT.
I'M WITH HIM.
OH, THANKS! YOU KNOW? FRIENDS.
HEY, SAM.
ARE, UH ARE YOU TAKING FRENCH NEXT YEAR? UH I DON'T KNOW.
I'M THINKING OF TAKING GERMAN, SINCE I'M 1/4 GERMAN.
C-COULD YOU PUT ON A TOWEL? WHY? WELL 'CAUSE YOU'RE NAKED? SAM, OUR BODIES ARE MERELY A SHELL WHICH CONCEAL OUR HEAVENLY SOULS.
TRY NOT TO GE TOO UPTIGHT.
AUF WIEDERSEHEN.
WHEN DID YOU GE CHEST HAIR? WHAT? I HAVE CHEST HA-- OH! WOULD YOU LOOK AT THAT? IT'LL SLOW YOU DOWN IN THE POOL.
SO, YOU GUYS ARE GONNA DO IT.
I MEAN YOU'RE GONNA TAKE A SHOWER.
IT'S JUST WATER.
WHAT COULD HAPPEN? WELL, YOU COULD STOP SMELLING LIKE MY BUTT, FOR ONE.
Neal: OH, SHOOT! I WAS GONNA BRING SOME COLOGNE.
I COMPLETELY FORGOT.
NAIL THE GEEKS! STOP! OWW! MY-- STOP IT! STOP, GUYS, COME ON! AAH! OHH! STOP IT! STOP! OWW! I HOPE I CAN STILL HAVE KIDS.
COME ON.
YOU GOT HI IN THE GROIN.
YOU DIDN'T HAVE A HYSTERECTOMY.
OWW! OH, MY GOD! WEIR, WHAT ARE YOU DOING? LOOK AT THAT HEAD OF HAIR, HUH? YOU JUST GET THAT CUT? THAT IS VERY STYLISH AND VERY, VERY DRY.
COME ON.
I'M NO GOING THROUGH THIS AGAIN.
OFF WITH THE CLOTHES AND INTO THE SHOWER.
NO.
WHAT? I MEAN I DON'T FEEL TOO WELL.
YOU DON'T FEEL WELL.
YOU THINK I'M NEW? DON'T PULL THE FAKE SICK CRAP ON ME.
COME ON.
NO, NO, NO.
I--I AM SICK.
I'M DIZZY ANDAND I HAVE A HEADACHE, AND I'M NAUSEOUS.
ALL RIGHT, OK.
JUST GO TO THE NURSE'S OFFICE.
THANK YOU.
PICK UP THE ACADEMY AWARD ON THE WAY THERE, WEIR.
SHEESH.
SCHWEIBER, PUT ON SOME CLOTHES.
YOU LOOK LIKE A 50-YEAR-OLD MAN.
HEY.
HEY, I THOUGHT YOU GUYS WERE PRACTICING TODAY.
YEAH.
I DON'T KNOW IF THOSE GUYS ARE COMING OR NOT.
UM THEY WENT DOWN TO THE JUNKYARD TO GET A CARBURETOR FOR KIM'S GREMLIN.
YEAH, IT MIGH TAKE AWHILE.
WHAT? NO.
I JUST I THINK YOU GUYS NEED TO REHEARSE MORE.
I THOUGHT THAT YOU SAID THAT WE WERE GOOD.
YEAH, BUT YOU GUYS AREN'T GOOD ENOUGH TO WIN ANY COMPETITIONS.
THANKS A LOT, YOU KNOW? THANKS A LOT, LINDSAY.
NO.
I WELL, I MEAN, IT'S TRUE, NICK.
IF YOU WANNA PROVE YOUR DAD WRONG, THEN THE BAND HAS TO BE REALLY GREAT, OR ELSE HE'S GONNA SEND YOU TO THE ARMY.
I KNOW.
I KNOW.
YOU JUST NEED TO WORK HARDER.
YOU THINK SO? UH-HUH.
YEAH.
WHEN I WAS IN THE MATHLETES, WE DID LOGARITHMS UNTIL WE COULDN'T SEE STRAIGHT.
YOU KNOW, BUT IT PAID OFF.
WE WERE STATE CHAMPIONS, AND WE WENT TO NATIONALS 2 YEARS IN A ROW.
YEAH.
I DON'T KNOW.
DANIEL ISN'T REALLY INTO PRACTICING.
WELL, WHO'S THE LEADER OF THIS BAND? YOU OR DANIEL? OOH, IT'S HOT! IT'S SMOKIN' IT'SO HOT! Ken: THANK YOU! Sean: I LIKE IT FAST.
HEY, UH, LISTEN, GUYS LISTEN, UH THAT WASN'T VERY GOOD.
LET'S TRY IT AGAIN.
WHAT? T'S TRY SUNSHINE OF YOUR LOVEAGAIN.
WELL, WE JUS PLAYED IT, MAN.
WHY WOULD WE DO IT AGAIN? 'CAUSE IT WASN'T, UH IT WASN'T RIGHT, MAN.
IT WAS REALLY SLOPPY, AN D IT DIDN'T REALLY SOUND ANYTHING LIKE THE RECORD.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE RECORD SOUNDS LIKE, OK? WE PLAY IT THE WAY WE PLAY IT.
ARE YOU STILL BUYIN' PO FROM THE SAME GUY? YOU MEAN ME? LOOK, GUYS I JUST WANNA PLAY THE SONG RIGHT, YOU KNOW? LOOK, ANY WAY WE PLAY IS THE RIGHT WAY.
NOT IF WE WANT TO GET INTO BATTLE OF THE BANDS, DANIEL.
I COULD GIVE A CRAP ABOUT BATTLE OF THE BANDS! WHO CARES? YOU WERE RIGHT, LINDSAY.
RIGHT ABOUT WHAT? PLEASE.
DO TELL.
Nick: I'LL TELL YOU.
THAT YOU GUYS DON'T CARE, YOU KNOW? LOOK, MAYBE YOU GUYS ARE JUST SCREWIN' AROUND, BUT II WANT US TO BE GOOD, YOU KNOW? I'M TIRED OF SUCKING AT EVERYTHING IN MY LIFE, AND I WANNA NAIL THAT AUDITION, ALL RIGHT? BUT WE'RE NOT GONNA NAIL THAT AUDITION UNLESS WE PLAY THE SONGS OVER AND OVER AND OVER AGAIN UNTIL THEY'RE PERFECT.
ALL RIGHT, DANIEL? SO CAN WE JUST PLAY THE SONG RIGHT ONCE? PLEASE? ALL RIGHT? LET'S PLAY THE STUPID SONG.
THANK YOU.
HEY, HEY, HEY, HEY, HEY, HEY! DID YOU HEAR ANY STICKS, MAN? WAIT FOR MY STICKS, ALL RIGHT? Ken: GEE, THIS IS REALLY FUN, GUYS.
I'M GLAD WE HAVE A BAND.
[PLAYING SUNSHINE OF YOUR LOVE.]
I'VE BEEN WAITING SO LONG TO BE WHERE I'M GOING IN THE SUNSHINE OF YOUR LOOOOVE WELL, THAT SUCKED.
ROYALLY.
NO, HEY.
HEY, IT SOUNDED BETTER.
YEAH, IT REALLY DID SOUND BETTER.
OH, DID IT, LINDSAY? DO YOU APPROVE? COME ON, DANIEL.
I'M OUTTA HERE.
YOU'RE A PIECE OF WORK, LINDSAY.
Nick: DANIEL, WHERE YOU GOING? ANYWHERE! WE NEED TO REHEARSE MORE, DANIEL! NO,YOUNEED TO REHEARSE MORE! WE NEED TO GET THE HELL OUT OF HERE! I HATE THIS SONG NOW.
WE PLAYED IT, LIKE, 6 TIMES.
I NEVER WANNA HEAR IT AGAIN.
IT SOUNDED BETTER.
WHO CARES, MAN? WE'RE IN A PANELED BASEMENT, NOT THE SILVERDOME.
YOU KNOW, YOU AND YOKO HERE HAVE TURNED MUSIC INTO SCHOOL.
WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO, START HANDING OU BAND HOMEWORK? I JUST WANNA PLAY THE SONG RIGHT, DANIEL! THEN GO JOIN THE MARCHING BAND, GEEK.
YOU KNOW WHAT? SHUT UP! AT LEAST THE MARCHING BAND CAN PLAY SOMETHING RIGH TWICE IN A ROW! YOU ARE A DUMB-ASS, ANDOPOLIS! ROCK 'N' ROLL DON'T COME FROM YOUR BRAIN.
IT COMES FROM YOUR CROTCH.
AND IF YOU EVER GOT ANY, MR.
CUTE SHORTS, YOU'D KNOW THAT.
LET'S GET OUT OF HERE.
I QUIT.
Nick: FINE! I GUESS THAT MEANS I QUIT.
FINE! QUIT! [THROWS DOWN DRUMSTICKS.]
YOU'RE NOT EVEN GOOD ENOUGH TO BE IN CREATION! THANKS A LOT, LINDSAY.
Neal: I DON'T GET IT.
WHAT DO THEY HAVE THAT WE DON'T? GOOD BODIES.
SO HE CAN THROW HER OVER HIS SHOULDER.
BIG DEAL.
Bill: HE SHOULD USE HIS LEGS MORE.
HE'S GONNA THROW OU HIS BACK.
I DON'T KNOW.
I MEAN, MY MOM SAYS THA WOMEN PREFER GUYS WITH A GOOD SENSE OF HUMOR.
BUT YOU'RE NO VERY FUNNY.
SCREW YOU! I'M HILARIOUS.
OOH, HOW WITTY.
GET THIS GUY ON HOLLYWOOD SQUARES.
I OVERHEARD THAT TODD SHELLINGER TAKES OFF HIS SHIR WHEN HE MAKES OUT.
WHY WOULD HE DO THAT? WHY WOULD ANYBODY DO THAT? PROBABLY TO SHOW OFF HIS CHEST HAIR.
I KNOW THAT'S WHAT I'M GONNA DO.
[SNICKERS.]
GO AHEAD, LAUGH, BUT ALL COOL GUYS HAVE HAIRY CHESTS: SELLECK, REYNOLDS, ROCKFORD.
HEY, WHAT ABOUT MORK? HE'S GOT MORE HAIR ON HIS HAND THAN SAM HAS IN HIS PITS.
HA HA HA! SHUT UP! WILL GIRLS EVER LIKE US? I THINK OUR BEST PLAY IS TO GO FOR THE SMART, SEXY LIBRARIAN TYPE.
YOU KNOW, SHE'S SWEET AND SHY, BUT THEN SHE TAKES OFF HER GLASSES AND RRROWF! HA HA HA! LIKE BAILEY ON WKRP IN CINCINNATI.
YUP.
BUT CINDY SANDERS IS LIKE A LIBRARIAN TYPE.
YEAH.
LIBRARIAN FOR THE PLAYBOY MANSION.
THIS PUSH-UP'S TOO HARD TO PUSH UP.
OHHH! OH, MAN! GROSS! OH, YOU'RE SICK.
OH, MY GOD.
IT'S COLD.
HEY.
SO, WHERE IS EVERYBODY? NO IDEA.
WELL, THAT'S KINDA WEIRD, ISN'T IT? I MEAN, THAT NO ONE IS AROUND NOT THAT YOU DON'T HAV ANY IDEA WHERE ANYONE IS.
I'M GONNA GO.
HEY, LINDSAY.
THANKS FOR BREAKING UP THE BAND.
WHAT? [MOCKINGLY.]
WHAT? I DIDN'T BREAK UP THE BAND.
I JUST THOUGHT YOU GUYS SHOULD LEARN ONE SONG.
SO, YOU ADMIT IT.
YES, I ADMIT IT.
I GOD! HOW COULD I BE SO AWFUL TO SUGGES THAT YOU ACTUALLY PLAY AN ENTIRE SONG CORRECTLY ALL THE WAY THROUGH? GOD KNOWS ZEPPELIN ONLY PLAYS HALF OFSTAIRWAY TO HEAVEN, AND THE WHO NEVER EVEN PRACTICESTEENAGE WASTELAND.
BABBA O'REILLY.
WHAT? THE NAME OF THE SONG ISBABBA O'REILLY.
IT'S ONWHO'S NEXT? YOU KNOW, I DIDN' BREAK UP THE BAND.
I JUST WANTED TO HELP NICK.
NICK DOESN'T NEED ANY HELP.
HOW CAN YOU SAY THAT? IF HE DOESN'T MAKE I AS A DRUMMER, HE HAS TO GO INTO THE ARMY.
WHAT? HE'S NOT GONNA MAKE I AS A DRUMMER.
SO WHY DON'T YOU JUS LET HIM HAVE SOME FUN BEFORE HE HAS TO SHIP OFF? YEAH? WELL, YOU SOUND JUST LIKE HIS DAD.
MAYBE HIS DAD IS RIGHT.
I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU'RE SAYING THAT.
LINDSAY, HE'S NOT GONNA BE THE NEXT KEITH MOON.
SO IF HE'S GOT SOMEPLACE TO GO THAT'S GONNA TAKE CARE OF HIM, WHY DON'T YOU JUST STAY OUT OF HIS WAY? DANIEL, THAT IS NO HOW IT HAS TO BE.
OHOK.
[BELL RINGS.]
SCHWEIBER.
HERE.
TRINSKY.
ICH BIN HIER.
WEIR.
WEIR! ANYBODY SEEN WEIR? WEIR! Mark: YEAH, MAN, AND THIS KID, HE WAS, LIKE, "RED-RUM! RED-RUM!" FOET IT, MAN, RED-RUM'S MURDER BACKWARDS.
HEY! COME ON.
THIS AIN'T TEA WITH THE QUEEN.
YOU LEAVE NOW, YOU'RE STILL 10 MINUTES LATE TO CLASS.
COME ON, LET'S GO.
RED-RUM AW, GET OUT OF HERE, YOU NUT! [SPLASH.]
WHO'S THERE? [SHOE SQUEAKS.]
WHO'S IN THERE? HEY, YOU KNOW, IT'S A LITTLE EASIER IF YOU SIT DOWN AND DROP YOUR PANTS.
HEY! HEY.
SO, UH, HOW COME YOU WEREN' I BAILED.
THE, UH, WHOLE BAND BREAKING UP THING HAS GOTTEN ME REALLY DOWN.
YOU KNOW? YEAH, WELL, IT SHOULDN'T.
AND IT WASN' A REAL BAND.
THOSE GUYS WERE JUS SCREWING AROUND.
YOU'RE THE ONLY ONE TRYING TO BE A PROFESSIONAL.
YEAH.
I STILL DON'T HAVE A BAND, UH, YOU KNOW? WELL, MAYBE YOU COULD JOIN THIS ONE.
WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? DIMENSION'S LOOKING FOR A NEW DRUMMER?! YEAH.
IT WAS UP AT THE RECORD STORE.
THESE GUYS ARE LIKE THE TOP WORKING BAND IN DETROIT! I SAW THEM OPEN FOR JETHRO TULL AT COBO HALL LAST YEAR.
TULL COULD BARELY FOLLOW THEM.
OH, MAN! YOU COULD BE GETTING PAID TO DRUM, LIKE A REAL JOB.
OH, OH, HELL, YEAH! MAN, I GOTTA GO CALL THESE GUYS AND SET UP AN AUDITION.
AND THEN I GOTTA GO PRACTICE.
IT'S NOT--IT'S NOT 5:00 YET, IS IT? MM-MM.
YEAH! OH! THANK YOU.
YOU'RE WELCOME.
I DON'T WANT TO GET NAKED IN FRONT OF OTHER GUYS.
WELL, WHO DOES? YOU KNOW HOW MANY MEN HAVE SEEN ME NAKED IN MY LIFETIME? A LOT.
DO YOU THINK I'M COMFORTABLE WITH IT? NO, BUT I LIVE WITH IT.
I JUST DON'T WANT THEM TO TEASE ME.
OH, WHO WOULD TEASE YOU? ALL RIGHT, LOOK, HERE'S WHAT YOU DO.
YOU TELL THE YOU'RE PROUD OF YOUR BODY.
THAT'LL SHOW 'EM.
SAMYOU HAVE A BEAUTIFUL BODY.
DOESN'T HE, HAROLD? YES.
I JUST SAID HE HAD A BEAUTIFUL BODY.
THOSE OTHER BOYS ARE PROBABLY JUST JEALOUS.
LINDSAY, TELL YOUR BROTHER WHAT A BEAUTIFUL BODY HE HAS.
MOM! MOM! Harold: LINDSAY.
WHAT? YOUR MOTHER ASKED YOU TO TELL YOUR BROTHER THAT HE HAS A BEAUTIFUL BODY.
THAT IS SO STUPID.
LINDSAY, TELL HIM.
IT'S NOT GONNA HELP HIM.
LINDSAY, JUST SAY THE WORDS.
IT'LL MAKE HIM FEEL BETTER.
SAM YOU HAVE A BEAUTIFUL BODY.
YOU'RE AN ADONIS, A SLAB OF BEEF IF I WASN'T YOUR SISTER, OH, MY GOD-- LINDSAY! CAN IT.
SEE, SWEETHEART? Scott: WOW! THAT WAS GREAT, PAUL.
WE'LL BE IN TOUCH.
I NEVER PLAYED ON DRUM KI THIS SMALL BEFORE.
I'M SURE I'LL BE FINE.
HEY, YOU NICK? YEAH.
HEY, I'M SCOTT.
HELLO, SCOTT.
THAT'S ALEX, AND THAT'S VANCE.
HEY, ALEX.
HELLO, VANCE.
Vance: HOW'S I GOIN', MAN? Nick: GREAT.
I HOPE THIS KIT'S OK WITH YOU.
OH, YEAH.
NO, IT'S FINE.
THE ONE I NORMALLY PLAY ON IS A LOT BIGGER.
OH, WOW, REALLY? HOW MANY PIECES? WHOA! 29-PIECE KIT.
W, WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE? YOU SHOULD BE AUDITIONING US.
PSHHH! YEAH, RIGHT.
RIGHT? HA HA.
I SAW YOU GUYS OPEN FOR JETHRO TULL AT COBO HALL LAST YEAR.
YOU GUYS BLEW THEM AWAY.
WELL, YOU MUST'VE BEEN THERE FRIDAY NIGHT, 'CAUSE SATURDAY NIGH WE GOT BOOED OFF THE STAGE.
WE DIDN'T GET BOOED OFF THE STAGE.
SO [LAUGHS.]
HAT DO YOU SAY? YOU WANNA JAM OR WHAT? YEAH! COOL.
LET'S ROCK IT, MAN.
COOL.
YOU CALL THE TUNE.
UHHOW ABOU A LITTLE CREAM? YEAH, LET'S DOCROSSROADS.
WHAT DO YOU, UH, WHAT ABOU SUNSHINE OF YOUR LOVE? I HATE THAT SONG.
LET'S DOCROSSROADS.
WE DO IT LIVE.
ALL NO PROBLEM.
RIGHT.
COUNT IT OFF, MY MAN.
Nick: ALL RIGHT.
Nick: ALL RIGHT.
YEAH.
THAT WAS GOOD, BUT LET'S TRY IT A LITTLE BIT TIGHTER.
TIGHTER? YEAH.
ALL RIGHT.
LET'S DO IT.
COUNT IT OFF.
RIGHT.
HOLD IT.
HOLD IT.
HOLD ON.
LET'S TRY I JUST A LITTLE BIT QUICKER PACE.
OH, QUICKER PACE.
YEAH.
OK.
COOL.
SORRY 'BOUT THAT.
READY? ALL RIGHT, HERE WE GO.
COUNT IT OFF.
I WENT DOWN TO THE CROSSROADS GOT DOWN ON MY KNEES GOT TTHE CROSSROADS, DROPPED DOWN ON MY KNEES ASKED THE LORD FOR MERCY GOOD.
ALL RIGHT.
GREAT JOB, MAN.
COOL.
THANKS A LOT.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN? THAT'S IT? WHAT, THAT'S IT? YEAH.
THANKS A LOT.
I--I, UH-- HEY, UH, GOOD LUCK WITH THAT 29-PIECER, MAN.
MAYBE SOMEDAY, YOU'LL KNOCK IT UP TO AN EVEN 30.
THANKS.
SO, WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO NOW? JOIN THE ARMY, I GUESS.
NO.
I MEAN RIGHT NOW.
DO YOU WANT TO GO TO THE RECORD STORE OR ANYTHING? I SUCK, LINDSAY.
NO, YOU DON'T.
YOU WERE IN THERE WITH ME, RIGHT? YOU--YOU HEARD ME PLAYING? I WAS A JOKE.
YOU KNOW, NICK, THOSE GUYS ARE 5 YEARS OLDER THAN YOU.
AND IN 5 YEARS, YOU'RE GONNA BE WAY BETTER THAN THEY ARE.
NO, I'M NOT.
SOMETIMES I GO DOWN IN MY BASEMENT, AND I PUT ON A LIVE ALBUM, I CAN SEE MYSELF ON THE STAGE.
DO YOU UNDERSTAND WHAT I MEAN? I CAN SEE IT.
AND I'M PLAYING A 10-MINUTE SOLO, AND I'M ON ONE OF THOSE HYDRAULIC RISERS, YOU KNOW, THAT MAKE THE DRUM KI GO WAY UP HIGH.
I'M PETER CHRIS OR SOMETHING.
OH, MAN I'M NOT GONNA BE THAT GUY.
I'M NEVER GONNA BE THAT GUY.
I'LL BE LUCKY IF I GET TO BE THE GUY WHO PUSHES THE BUTTON THAT MAKES THE RISER GO UP, BUT I'M NOT EVEN GONNA BE THAT GUY.
I'M NOT EVEN GONNA BE THAT GUY 'CAUSE I CAN' EVEN KEEP A C+ AVERAGE, MAN.
WELL, NICK, I COULD-- I CAN HELP YOU GET YOUR GRADES UP.
HE'S GONNA MAKE ME JOIN THE ARMY.
OH, MAN, I'M GONNA HAVE TO JOIN THE ARMY.
UNDEDBY A GROUP OF PSYCHOPATHS LIKE MY BROTHERS AND LIKE MY DAD.
NICK, COME ON.
THAT'S NOT GONNA HAPPEN TO YOU.
I WON'T LET IT.
OH, MY GOD.
I'M DONE, MAN.
I'M DONE.
IN A WHITE ROOM WITH BLACK CURTAINS HERE'S THE STATION BLACK ROOF COUNTRY, NO GOLD PAVEMENTS TIRED STYLINGS SILVER HORSES RUN DOWN MOONBEAMS IN YOUR DARK EYES DARK LIGHT SMILE ON YOU LEAVING FIND CONTENTMEN Neal: WHAT IS WRONG WITH THEM? WHY DO THEY THINK THAT HITTING PEOPLE WITH TOWELS IS SO FUNNY? IF IT WASN'T US HA HA HA IT WOULD BE KINDA FUNNY.
Boy: AFTERNOON, GENTLEMEN.
HEY, HAVE YOU LOST WEIGHT? SHUT UP! GET OUT OF MY WAY.
I'M GONNA TAKE A SHOWER.
LOOK WHO FINALLY DECIDED TO TAKE A SHOWER.
NICE PECS, WEIR.
YOU LOOK LIKE A FLAT-CHESTED GIRL.
HA HA! FLAT-CHESTED GIRL.
WELL, I'M PROUD OF MY BODY.
[MOCKINGLY.]
OH, HE'S PROUD OF HIS BODY.
OH, HE SHOULD BE PROUD.
LOOK AT THIS.
GET OUT OF MY WAY.
MAYBE YOU SH OULD SHOW I TO EVERYBODY THEN, HUH, WEIR? WHAT ARE YOU DOING?! COME ON, GUYS.
GUYS, DON'T-- I WOULDN'T WANT YOU TO MISS CLASS.
OH, COME ON! [POUNDING ON DOOR.]
LET ME IN! MR.
FREDRICKS! SO, UH, HOW LONG HAVE YOU BEEN TEACHING? 2 MONTHS.
2 MONTHS? DO YOU LIKE IT? I LOVE IT.
I LOVE IT, TOO.
MR.
FREDRICKS! OH, I'M SORRY, REAR.
I FORGOT TO TAKE THAT! GOD! [BULLIES LAUGH.]
[BELL RINGS.]
[GASPS.]
WHAT-- SAM, ALAN'S GONE.
ALL CLEAR, YOU CAN COME BACK NOW.
HEY, LINDSAY.
HI.
HI.
CAN I TALK TO YOU FOR A SECOND? YEAH.
SURE.
COME ON.
STREAKER! GO, SAM! GO! [NO SOUND.]
WHERE YOU FROM? I'M FROM RIGHT HERE.
I ACTUALLY LIVE DOWN THE STREET.
YOU'RE FROM RIGHT HERE? YEAH.
OH, MY-- YEAH, RIGHT.
YOU KNOW-- OH, JESUS.
WELL, WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU LOOKING AT? WEIR THE SHOWER'S THAT WAY.
I JUST WANTED YOU TO KNOW I CAN'T STOP THINKING ABOUT THAT KISS.
OH, GOOD.
IT REALLY MEANT A LOT TO ME.
I'M GLAD.
LET'S GO OUT TO THE PATIO.
PATIO? I THOUGH YOU WERE FIGHTING WITH THOSE GUYS.
YEAH, WE WERE, BUT NOT ANYMORE.
WEIGHT LIKE THA ALL THE TIME.
IT DOESN'T MEAN ANYTHING.
OH THEY HEARD WHAT HAPPENED AT THE AUDITION.
THEY CAME OVER LAST NIGHT, WE'RE COOL.
Kim: YOU KNOW, YOU GUYS, I'M SERIOUS.
I THINK MY MOM, LIKE, WANTS TO COME SEE THE BAND PLAY OR SOMETHING.
WHEN SHE GETS OUT OF REHAB? OH, HO HO.
SHUT UP.
YAH! YAY! RINGO STARR.
YOU FINALLY GO YOUR WISH, NICK.
YOU'RE AS GOOD A DRUMMER AS JOHN BONHAM.
OF COURSE, HE'S DEAD.
[LAUGHTER.]
YOU SHOULD'VE SEEN THE LOOKS ON THOSE GUYS' FACES, MAN.
I THINK I RUINED THEIR LOVE OF MUSIC FOREVER.
HEY, IS DIMENSION GONNA CHARGE YOU FOR THE PEE STAIN YOU LEFT ON THE DRUM SEAT? SHUT UP.
LOOK, DIMENSION SUCKS, MAN.
YOU'RE TOO GOOD FOR TH.
I SAW THEM OPEN FOR TULL, THEY GOT BOOED OFF THE STAGE.
THANKS A LOT, MAN.
[MOUTHING.]
Hey, Lindsay, we have to talk.
Daniel: SO ARE WE GONNA REHEARSE AT YOUR HOUSE TODAY [MOUTHING.]
You are such a slut.
Nick: NO.
IT'S COOL.
WE JUST GOTTA BE OU BY 5:00.
Daniel: HEY, LET'S PLAY SOME REAL SONGS FOR ONCE.
I WROTE OUT SOME IGGY POP AND RAMONES SONGS.
THE RAMONES? THE RAMONES ONLY PLAY, LIKE, 3 CHORDS, MAN.
ALL RIGHT, SO I'LL LEARN ANOTHER ONE.
I GOTTA PEE.
I HEARD YOU JUMPED HIM.
WHAT? YOU DON'T HAVE O ACT INNOCENT, LINDSAY, I KNOW YOU'RE A SLUT.
Neal: I'M PRETTY SURE CINDY DIDN'T SEE YOU.
AND IF SHE DID, IT WAS JUS WITH HER PERIPHERAL VISION.
YOU KNOW, IT WOULDN'T BE BAD IF PEOPLE SAW MY BACK.
BUT MY FRONT'S A WHOLE OTHER STORY, YOU KNOW? MAYBE I COULD TRANSFER TO ANOTHER SCHOOL.
WELL, WELL, WELL.
HEY, WEI R, THA WAS FUN IN GYM CLASS TODAY, HUH? LEAVE ME ALONE.
I HEARD THEY'RE BRINGING IN THE PSYCHIATRIS FOR ALL THE KIDS WHO HAD TO SEE YOU NAKED.
SHUT UP, ALAN.
Girls: THERE HE IS! WHOO! HEY, SAM, I HEARD YOU STREAKED! WAY TO GO! [CHEERING.]
HEY, SHUT UP! ALL RIGHT, SAM.
YOU GUYS ARE LOSERS, AND YOU ALWAYS WILL BE.
HOW COME YOU'RE THE ONE RIDING HOME WITH NO FRIENDS? YOU'RE LIKE A GOD.
PEOPLE ARE GONNA WORSHIP YOU.
[PLAYING ALONG WITH RECORDING.]
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ON RECORDING.]
I PLAY SO MUCH BETTER WHEN YOU'RE AROUND.
HEY, I WANT TO PLAY IT AGAIN.
PUT MORE DRY ICE IN THE BUCKET.
SURE.
THANKS.
CAap.
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