Ghosts (2021) s01e06 Episode Script

1 And just like everything else, when it comes to nature and safety or even plain old life lessons, it's all in this book.
Which brings us to today's lesson: archery! - GIRLS: Yay! - Now, I'm sure we all just want to just start flinging arrows at the targets, but, first, we need to go over some basic safety rules, okay? Rule number one and I cannot emphasize this enough never notch an arrow when someone is downra Is it uh is it in my neck? Uh this is actually a great opportunity to discuss what to do in this situation, right? Becky.
Becky, you want to run and tell the lady at the house and see if you can use her phone? I'm gonna I'm actually gonna take a nap, uh, behind the sh-shed over there.
Let's reconvene in 15, okay? Mm.
You know, 15, 20.
[MUTTERS.]
- [THUD.]
- [GIRL SCREAMING.]
You guys really have nothing better to do than just sit and watch me work? - No.
To the contrary.
- Not really.
[SIGHS DEEPLY.]
- What's with him? - You all right, Pete? My death day is coming up.
Always makes me miss my family.
My beautiful wife Carol, my sweet daughter Laura.
[SIGHS.]
You're lucky you still have a family.
Mine's long gone, I'm sure.
What difference does it make? I never see them.
- I don't even know what they're up to.
- Bro, you have access to an actual Living now.
- Sam can track 'em down for you.
- That's true! - What's your wife's name? - Carol Martino.
Now, it's been a while, so you may need to hire a P.
I.
, track down some leads.
You're gonna want to go to every JCPenney, IHOP, anywhere that sells beads - Found her.
- Excuse me? That's her.
How did you do that? I mean, it's Facebook.
It's social media.
We talked about the Internet, right? Ooh, the thing with the cat movies? - Mm, mm.
- Yes, that was a very fun two days for both of us, Alberta.
But Facebook is like a It's a website that's like a bulletin board where people talk about their lives, they share photos ISAAC: Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
Am I to understand that this is some sort of modern-day publishing instrument from which anyone can spread their message? Well, yeah.
What a tool for disseminating truth.
What a boon to democracy.
Good morning, babe.
- Aw.
- Good morning.
Hey, last night got pretty hot, huh? Oh, they're in here.
[CHUCKLES.]
Oh, of course they are.
- Who's that? - Uh, we're looking up Pete's wife.
And his daughter, who unfortunately is not on here, Pete.
But [INHALES.]
looks like your wife still lives nearby.
Oh, my God.
Carol, if you are listening, please visit Woodstone Mansion! Love, Pete! Uh, that's not how it works.
Sam, you got to invite her for him.
I mean, what would I even say? Like, "Hi, your dead husband lives on my property - and wants to look at you"? - Yeah! - Yeah.
That's pretty good.
- Yeah.
- Wait, what's happening? - Oh, they want me to invite Pete's wife to the house.
What? You can't do that.
Meddling with the worlds of the living and the dead.
W we're actually doing okay without you.
Thank you.
Really? Is that bad? - Yes.
It's very, very bad.
- Not there.
- [CLEARS THROAT.]
- Okay.
Listen, it's like in, um in-in time travel movies where they tell you not to interact with people or sleep with your mom.
I mean, that's just kind of good advice in general.
Look, I get it from the ghosts' perspective, 'cause they ain't got nothing going on.
- No offense, guys.
- It's fine.
But do you really want to rip open old wounds for this woman? - Nothing good can come from this.
- I mean, I wouldn't call seeing my loved ones "nothing good.
" - Yeah, okay, you're right.
I won't do it.
- Aw.
[SIGHS.]
Thank you.
[SIGHS.]
Darn it.
- Sorry, Pete.
- Yeah.
- I'm sorry, buddy.
- Wow.
Okay, let's look up this bottle service chick who used to work at Marquee.
[ROCK MUSIC PLAYING.]
ANNOUNCER: Welcome back to It's Getting Hot In Here! SIENNA: I think I'm falling for you, but I just wish I knew what you looked like under the parka.
So confused.
It Okay, again, they take 20 sexy singles and they put them in a really cold house.
So everybody has to stay bundled up and you can't see what anyone looks like.
Okay.
Why? So that the singles can connect emotionally.
[CRYING.]
And then, each week, the thermostat gets set higher and higher until, by the end, everybody is naked and, ideally, in love.
- So dumb.
- Stupid.
Listen, um, I know you think I'm shallow and sometimes maybe I am but I cannot stop thinking about this bottle service chick.
- Come on, Trevor.
- No, no, no, no, no.
We, we really had something special.
And if I hadn't died, she could have been the one.
Nicky Fisher.
Please just look her up.
- Nicky with a "Y.
" - Fine.
- Okay - Oh, my God, that's her.
I knew she'd keep it tight.
I knew she would.
Is that her daughter? Oh, my God.
Nicky's a total MILF.
Do you know what that means? MILF? It's so funny.
THORFINN: Shh! Trying to watch! [STAMMERS.]
To make fun of, of course, 'cause it's stupid.
Am I crazy or does she kind of have your eyes? When did you say you two dated? Um like, right before I died.
20, 21 years ago? "Graduated Penn just like my dad.
May he rest in peace.
" I went to Penn.
I know.
Oh, my God.
I'm a DILF.
Sam, there's something I need to show you.
It's important.
Oh.
Yeah, sure.
- You guys want me to put something else on or - SASAPPIS: No.
No.
Uh, we just want to see - how stupid it gets.
- [CHUCKLES.]
: Yes.
- Stupid.
- Stupid.
There's a book on top of the cabinet.
Can you grab it? After my death, the woman that owned the house found my manual, brought it inside and placed it up there.
It's been up there ever since.
Pete, this is incredible.
Did-did you highlight all this stuff and write all these notes? I was never without this book.
Carol knows how important this was to me.
She'll come get it if you tell her you found it.
Pete, I don't know.
Please.
Carol's almost 70.
I-I don't know if I'm gonna get a chance to see her again.
[EXHALES.]
Sienna, because you left McNair out in the cold, it's time to find out what you missed.
[DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING.]
Oh [ROCK MUSIC PLAYING.]
[CRYING.]
Not fair.
Wanted them to be together.
So that's it? It's just over for them? This is so unfair! I had no idea his body was so good! [CRYING.]
But he loves you.
SIENNA: He's so hot.
You crying? No.
Yeah, me neither.
Don't look at Thor! Hi.
Carol? You don't know who I am, but I think I have something that belonged to your late husband.
Oh, my God! Babe, it's way harder when you can actually see and hear them.
Sorry, I'm still here.
Hey, Carol.
It's me! It's Pete! Your Petey Pie! The Re-Peter! - Can you not - Okay.
Hear me, Carol? Because I-I can hear you just fine.
This is bad.
This is very bad.
Petey Pie! How do I look? Is my arrow straight? ISAAC: Pete, you must calm down.
You're a nervous wreck.
I know.
I just can't believe I'm about to see my wife - after all these years.
- FLOWER: Hey, who knows? Maybe she'll drop dead while she's here and become a ghost.
Do you think that's possible? She did suffer from hypertension, even in her 40s.
- Why are you trying to get his hopes up? - Sorry.
No, you're right, you're right.
I'm just gonna try to enjoy the day, even if my wife doesn't die.
- The carriage approaches.
- What? Oh! Carol, Carol, Carol! I'm telling you, we should not be doing this, okay? We are messing with forces way beyond our comprehension.
This is like "wrath of God" stuff right here.
Okay, babe, you're being a bit dramatic.
JAY: You don't invite the still-living wife of a dead ghost to the house.
You just don't do it.
I mean, have you seen a sci-fi movie? These things don't end well.
Don't those, like, all end well? Not before a ton of people are killed and almost sleep with their mom.
Hi! Boy, he's really hung up on that.
Mm.
Oh, my God, it's happening.
My Care Bear.
What? She brought Jerry.
Hey, Jerry Bean! [CHUCKLES.]
: This is amazing.
Ha.
Who's Jerry? Oh, my old best friend.
What's he saying? Jerry's his old best friend.
Oh, my God.
Aw, that's so great.
They kept in touch.
Hello.
Jerry! [CHUCKLES.]
Carol! [CHUCKLES.]
They can't see me.
I'm Carol.
Obviously.
Hello.
- Hello.
- Hey.
Jay.
This is Jerry, my husband.
Did she say "husband"? I am so glad you guys could make it.
If it means anything, I would completely understand if Beatrice ended up with my best mate Edward.
I mean, who could blame her? [CHUCKLES.]
Them.
Them.
For finding comfort in each other's arms.
Excuse me.
I just need to take this real quick.
Hey, how are you feeling? Oh, sorry, I'll wait till you're done.
Nope, I'm talking to you.
[CHUCKLES.]
Oh.
That's clever.
If you're asking about Carol and Jerry, I was a little thrown, but I'm glad they ended up together.
They were probably both so upset about losing me.
Makes a lot of sense.
Jay, he's happy.
A friend of ours just bought a car.
- I was against it.
- But it turned out okay.
[CHUCKLES.]
So far.
Glad it's working out.
You're welcome.
Bye.
JERRY: I grabbed it out of the trunk, hon.
- What's this? - My bench.
CAROL: Oh, it's a bench we have in our backyard.
We wanted to give it to you.
It was Pete's favorite spot to just sit and enjoy nature.
JERRY: Yeah, we thought it might be nice to dedicate it to Pete.
Eh, maybe have a little ceremony, say a few words.
Classic Jer.
That's so sweet.
But if it's too much, we can just take the manual.
No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
No, that's a great idea.
Pete loves it.
I'm sure he-he would.
If I knew him.
And if he were still alive.
If you were a tree, what would you be? - I'd be a peach tree.
- A peach tree? Yeah.
There's such thing as a peach tree? Trevor.
Feast your eyes on Sienna.
She is most attractive, yes? Those child-birthing hips.
Thor, that's someone's daughter, okay? Grow up.
SIENNA: Oh, my God.
That is so cute! - Right? - SIENNA: Yes! What is this? You not recognize? It Is Getting Hot In Here! Very good show.
You've missed a lot.
What? Where did all their clothes go? Where are Sienna's snow pants? Ashley I.
is blonde? She take off beanie.
It's getting pretty hot.
H how many episodes did you watch? Many.
[LAUGHS.]
But we were watching together.
Now we watch together.
Sit.
But it's not the same.
I'm not caught up.
I catch you up.
What is last one you see? Oh, you know about Zane losing hot chocolate challenge.
[CHUCKLES.]
Well, I do now.
Unbelievable! So rude! Bye, Sass! This is our living room.
Wow.
This place reminds me of that old hotel we stayed in for Hooper's wedding.
Oh, that was a night.
[CHUCKLES.]
Remember, Pete and I had too many margaritas - Yes, and you drove a golf cart - And we drove a golf cart - right into the pond.
- BOTH: into the pond! [LAUGHING.]
Pete, you had a side.
Ask about my daughter, Laura.
- So, did you and Pete have any children? - Oh, yes.
A daughter, Laura.
Oh, Pete loved her something fierce.
- I did.
- She really wanted to be here, but, you know, she lives in Philly.
She had to work.
Mm.
Four hours? That's that's okay.
It's a long drive.
I get it.
Here she is.
SAMANTHA: Oh, she's beautiful.
- Wow.
- Aw, the braces worked.
Oh, I-I wonder if she became an astronaut.
Huh? That was her dream.
And what does Laura do for work? She's a food chemist.
Oh, that makes so much sense.
She loved science.
And food! Well, speaking of food, I, uh, prepared a lovely charcuterie, - if you guys are interested.
- I don't know what that is.
- He's offering you meat, Jer.
- [CHUCKLES.]
- Lead the way.
- [SNORTS.]
Jerry.
"I have no idea.
" [LAUGHS.]
[LAUGHING.]
: Jerry doesn't know anything.
Hey.
Sam, um now that I'm a father to a daughter myself, I just want to apologize if I've said anything objectifying or-or inappropriate to you since we've met.
Wow.
Trevor, I really appreciate that.
Yeah.
You like that, huh? Sorry.
Sorry.
I'm a work in progress.
Okay, Thor, listen, I know things kind of got out of hand between us with the show, but I've decided to be the bigger man.
[LAUGHS.]
Ridiculous.
Thor much, much bigger.
Oh, what I'm saying is I'm willing to move on if you'd just give me a sincere apology.
But Thor do nothing wrong.
I have fun watching show, so I watch show.
Yeah, but y you watched ahead.
Because fun watching show! But the fun isn't just watching the show it's watching the show together.
At least it was for me.
Fine.
I watch episodes again.
No, you've already seen it, so we can't be surprised together when something big happens.
Like when Sienna kiss Doug.
Come on! We've known each other 500 years, and you've never once apologized.
Norseman not apology.
Apology for children and Danes.
Whatever.
Enjoy watching by yourself! Thor will enjoy.
Temperature's up to 90 degrees.
It is getting hot in there! SAMANTHA: So I'm thinking, once the B&B is open, this will be a great space for, like, an afternoon drink.
Mmm, I would literally kill anyone in this room for a Sazerac right now.
Oh, it's kind of overwhelming being here.
Where the whole thing happened to Pete.
I know.
I bet it's really hard.
But I bet Pete would be really happy that you and Jerry both came.
Oh I wouldn't be so sure.
What? What does that mean? - What do you mean? - It's just [GRUNTS.]
there's something weighing on me.
Something shameful.
Regarding Pete.
We don't need to involve them.
I'm sure, whatever it is, it's fine.
I want to get it off my chest.
Oh, God.
SAMANTHA: You know, I think it might be okay to keep some things on your chest, - 'cause we don't really know each other.
- Yes, but sometimes it's just easier to say things to strangers.
- I'm with Jerry.
I think that sometimes - Jerry and I were having an affair while Pete was still alive.
- Oh, good God.
- Oh, God! [GASPS.]
Truthfully, I think Pete knew.
Uh, I did not know.
[SIGHS.]
I feel better.
[EXHALES.]
[BIRDS CHIRPING.]
Well, here they come.
Oh, yeah, find a spot for it.
My so-called best friend and my so-called wife! - Mm.
- Well, I mean, she was literally his wife, any act of indiscretion notwithstanding.
Oh, is that so, Isaac?! I mean, grammatically, yes, but not hugely important right now.
Pete, you're taking this too hard.
Jerry probably just offered something sexually that you couldn't, and that's a good thing.
He took it off your plate.
Flower! If you weren't already dead, I would kill you! JAY: So, Jer and Carol were having a torrid affair.
Whoa.
Poor Pete.
Okay, you were right.
Happy? I meddled and I made a complete disaster out of everything.
Sam, I was thinking I have been such an absentee DILF.
And seeing as you helped Pete reach out to his family, - maybe you help me out next.
- Please get out.
Hey, whoever my wife just yelled "get out" to [STAMMERS.]
get out! Okay.
That's fine.
But later.
Sidebar.
[CHUCKLES.]
Sidebar! I should've listened to you from the start, and now everybody's dead.
Everyone slept with their mom.
And I'm an idiot.
Look, babe, you remember, in Jurassic Park, when Goldblum told everyone not to meddle and they didn't listen to him? - Yeah, I said I messed up.
- No, what I'm saying is, after the dinosaurs get out and Newman gets eaten by the one that spits and Sam Jackson's arm is like [GROANS.]
- Where is this going? - They don't just go home.
Right? They stay and they fix it.
So what I'm asking you is, who are you? Are you the dude who gets eaten on the toilet while the little girl in the Jeep is like, "He left us! He left us! He left us!"? Or are you Dr.
Ellie Sattler? Do you fix things? Hmm? Look, I know I slept with Shane behind your back.
But the hottest thing about this place is our friendship.
I'm sorry, Ashley I.
ASHLEY I.
: Hearing you say that means so much to me.
I forgive you, Ashley S.
ASHLEY S.
: Oh.
I was so worried, Ashley I.
Huh.
[CLICKS TONGUE.]
Pete was one of a kind.
He was the cornerstone of the family.
- These words mean nothing.
- He was so - reliable.
- You know what else meant nothing? - Our wedding vows.
- He was always there for everyone.
You could always find Pete - whenever you needed him.
- Yeah.
There I was, a chump at every turn.
I mean, in a way, it's healthy.
- No one should be that chipper all the time.
- Mm-hmm.
I guess "You may kiss the bride" was directed at everybody! I would like to say a few words, if that's okay.
Pfft! Don't bother! Oh, of course.
I obviously didn't know Pete like you guys did.
But I actually have gotten to know him a little recently.
Where's she going with this? Through his Pinecone Trooper manual.
- Ah.
- Oh [CHUCKLES.]
Pete highlighted passages that I guess must have been important to him.
Like this list of the seven attributes of a model Pinecone Trooper.
A list that included things like loyalty and friendship.
Yeah, you hear that? Loyalty.
Hmm.
But Pete circled and wrote a note next to number seven, forgiveness.
Clever girl.
He wrote that "this is more important than the rest.
Because though we strive for perfection, we all fall short sometimes.
And when it happens, we don't give up on our fellow trooper.
We forgive.
" Thank you for that.
You're welcome.
[JAY WHOOPS.]
Can we talk? In my culture, apologize only for - babies and - Danes.
Yes, we've been through this.
But today I realize that apologize for friends, too.
Thorfinn is sorry.
I really appreciate that.
So you forgive? I do.
All is good? Everything's forgotten.
Yes! Apology so easy! Why not apologize before? Fix everything! Cost nothing! [CHUCKLES.]
Well, you have to mean it.
Thorfinn not like your hat! - Excuse me? - Sorry.
All good.
[LAUGHING.]
Oh, Pete.
[CLICKS TONGUE.]
I know you can't hear me.
But I want you to know from the bottom of my heart: I'm sorry.
I'm so sorry.
I would never want to hurt you.
[EXHALES.]
I forgive you, Carol.
[HORN HONKS.]
Laura! - Laura? - LAURA: Surprise! You came! Well, once I heard you were turning this into a ceremony for Dad, I didn't want to miss it! All the way from Philly.
Sorry we're late.
Someone couldn't find their special socks.
Could you, Pete? - [AAHING.]
- [CHUCKLES.]
Did you hear that? [CRYING SOFTLY.]
His name's Pete.
[SNIFFLES.]
I'm a grandpa.
Oh! Grandpa Pete.
And you thought this was going to be a disaster.
It was a disaster until I saved it.
I saved it.
[SCOFFS.]
Because I told you to.
I'm Goldblum.
I'm clearly Goldblum.
If it's Jurassic Park we're talking about, then I'm Goldblum.
You might be him if this was Ragnarok.
[CHUCKLES.]
Why does he speak of Ragnarok? Is it upon us?! Does that mean something to Vikings? Yeah, probably.
It's from Norse mythology.
It's a series of events that brings out the end of the world.
Everybody run! The end is nigh! - [FLOWER CRYING.]
- Go! Frozen giants! - [SOBBING.]
- Flower girl - Why do you ask? - No reason.
Well, the final four are now naked.
Don't go anywhere.
We'll be right back with the exciting finale of It's Getting Hot In Here! So I take it the blurred-out parts are some sort of accommodation for modesty.
This is so lame.
You can't see anything.
Yeah, put work in watching whole season.
Want to see sexy woman.
Sorry, Trevor.
Someone's daughter.
Oh, it's all right.
It turns out I'm actually not a DILF.
Sam figured it out.
I was flying high on the whole Pete sitch, so I decided to help Trevor.
[INHALES.]
I went to message the daughter, and I ended up looking at more of her pics Turns out her dad is just some other guy.
ISAAC: Aw, I'm sorry, Trevor.
She seemed like such a lovely young woman.
Yeah, she was lovely, wasn't she? A beautiful soul.
- Mm.
- TREVOR: Kind of slamming, actually.
Maybe we should still have her up.
- But she's not your daughter.
- Exactly.
She's hot and not my daughter.
She checks every box.
What a tragedy you didn't reproduce.
[CHUCKLING.]
: Ooh! - ISAAC: The knives are out.
- HOST: Tensions are heating up - and there's no cooling 'em down.
- THORFINN: Back on! Yes! Shush!