Girlfriends Guide To Divorce (2014) s01e06 Episode Script

1 Previously on Girlfriends' Guide to Divorce I'm starting a line-- Infant Fabuleux - [Gasps.]
I love it.
- Fine jewelry for infants.
- Brilliant.
- Why don't you figure out - what's making you so angry? - That makes me angry.
Stop telling me I'm angry.
Associates don't reschedule meetings.
It is a shame that your kids come first.
Am I in trouble? The rules in the school handbook are very clear.
Parent volunteers may not send a proxy.
The caseworker's coming tonight.
Treat this dinner like any other, okay? - Oh! - Mom! - It's okay.
- No, it's not.
I looked like an idiot.
We had a deal--no others until they're significant.
Maybe she is.
Did it ever occur to you that maybe Becca is significant to me? - Back-burner Baby.
- What? It's the thing in the mommy market right now.
Cleo Stevens is a real inspiration.
Uh, one rule, more time for yourself.
I mean, otherwise you're just going to have a nervous breakdown like Abby McCarthy.
I think that bitch just stepped to me.
[Kim Cesarion's Undressed.]
I feel hazy Why is everything black and white? Jesus, woman.
I told you I wanted to work out, - but you're killing me! - What? If you want to get your steps over 14,000, come on.
- Are you a Fitbit person? - Hell, yeah, I am.
I have to be stepping everything up right now.
You know, this whole Cleo Stevens thing.
Back-burner bitch? Screw her.
She made me the laughingstock of the mommy lit world, so - No.
- That is totally true.
Right? Yes, and now I have to present a whole new me to my editors.
Delia's got me on this cleanse, and I just got to be focused and clear and undeniable.
I've got something that will get your undeniable juices flowing-- Vegas.
- Yes.
- That is not now I thought that sentence was going to end.
Delia and I are going this weekend.
It's my big photo shoot for Infant Fabuleux, and it's the baby styles convention, which - Oh.
No.
- No? No.
I am persona non grata at that thing now.
Oh, come on, you won't even know it's happening.
It's gonna be all style, no baby, and you can work there by the pool.
- Mm-hmm.
Mm-hmm.
- And I will be working too.
And when we're not working, we're gonna be wiggling.
We can wiggle, wiggle, wiggle.
We can wiggle.
You know what? Oh, my God.
- We can wiggle, wiggle-- - You know you want to.
I'm so sorry.
You guys wiggle.
But I actually have a career to save, so - Okay.
- Invite Lyla.
She loves Vegas.
Wow.
That is not how I thought that sentence was gonna end.
Come on, pick it up, pick it up.
Let's go.
Let's go.
Let's do it.
Oh, yeah.
Oh, yeah.
- Push it.
- Oh, my God.
Push it.
[Moaning.]
I feel hazy [Both moaning.]
Why is everything black and white? Oh! That was a workout.
Amazing.
- [Grunts.]
- Yeah.
It was great.
Yeah, that was great? It was a little more than great.
[Chuckles.]
I know, just-- it's always so physical, you know? Yes.
It's sex.
By definition, physical.
No, I mean We've never really made love, you know? No, I don't know.
Really? Come on.
Hold on.
Like, when your hearts are open, and it's not just two bodies connecting.
It--it's emotional.
- It's deep.
- Yeah.
You've never felt like that before? Sure I have.
I mean, we're still new.
We'll get there.
Well, I feel it for you.
I guess I'm just not getting it back.
No, no, hey, come here, come here, come here, come here.
Come here.
Hey.
Hey.
We're--we're great together.
Let's not overthink it.
It's not about thinking, Jake.
It's about-- It's about feeling.
Look, I know you have so much going on right now, but you're really emotionally blocked.
- I know.
- I have this guy.
It sounds lame, but he's really helped me just let go of a lot of stuff.
Your shrink? Like a shaman.
I know.
[Laughs.]
Look, I I need this from you.
Please.
Okay.
Fine.
So I'm thinking that my next book will be Private School Confidential-- Rules of navigating the shark-infested waters of the poshest private schools in the country.
You would not believe what goes on at these places.
I'm telling you, it's-- I don't even know why somebody hasn't done this already.
What are you looking for? Sorry.
Salt junkie.
Yeah, it really adds taste.
I'm sure it's just me being lame and hungover, but how is that not just another Girlfriends' Guide? Uh, for one thing, it's not about me or my family.
Uh, but it's still in my zone.
It's the parenting market.
Abby, no offense, but readers don't want your advice about anything parenting related, not anymore.
Lightbulb, what about divorce? That's an area you could write the crap out of.
[Chuckles.]
Yeah, I could do that.
Or I could just slit my wrists and write about what it feels like to bleed out.
Exactly.
It's what makes your books so great.
I mean, you take on changes in life, and you're so witty and self-deprecating.
Yes, but this is divorce.
This is painful and sad.
And no one wants to read about it.
I don't know.
People like dark.
Cleo Stevens is pretty dark, and it's working for her.
So we are rocking the park when Neo says she's hungry.
I just reach into my designer diaper bag and pull out some homemade organic baby food.
Yeah, right.
Who am I--Abby McCarthy? Hell, no.
I forgot the frickin' baby food.
But I didn't forget my delicious turkey sub.
"Momhood" does not have to be that hard.
Watch me make baby food.
Mmm.
Mmm, mmm, mmm.
Mmm.
Mm-hmm.
ABC turkey.
- Choo, Choo, Choo, Choo, Choo.
- Ew.
Okay, first of all, Missy trashed my book idea and told me I should write about divorce.
- Too soon.
- This is what I'm saying.
Then I watch another Cleo Stevens clip.
- Please stop doing that.
- I know, I know, I know.
I'm torturing myself.
Maybe I should get out of town.
Are you going to Vegas? - Vegas? Are you? - You know Phoebe-- She's doing the whole baby-style event, which we can avoid, right? Yeah.
So--so you guys are-- I really need to not be alone, and you could really use the distraction.
And just don't let the fact that Delia's coming bother you.
Yeah, I, um-- I wouldn't let that stop me.
Perfect.
I'm in if you're in.
[Sighs.]
Wow.
- Dear lord.
- Yeah.
How high are you guys planning on getting? I know.
Pot dispensaries are like target for stoners.
You cannot leave without spending less than $200.
Oh, I am going lollipop.
Slow and steady.
Pot goldfish are not on my cleanse.
And anyway, I'm not going to party this weekend.
I'm just gonna do some spa time, chill by the pool with my Kindle, mellow Vegas [Car horn honks.]
Wait for a book idea to bubble up.
"Mellow" and "Vegas"-- That sounds like an oxymoron.
- Fun.
- Yeah, that's my plan.
In case it's, like, right on the end You know what I'm talking about? It's so bad, it's so good.
- Wait.
- Hello, ladies.
- Hi.
- Lyla, what are you doing here? Well, Abby mentioned it.
Last one in the car is a rotten friend.
Oh, my God.
You should have told me you weren't inviting her.
I know I should have.
It's just everything has been so difficult with her recently.
And with the photo shoot, a fight is the last thing I needed.
- And she hates me.
- Yeah.
She does, I'm sorry.
But look, she's going through a hideous custody battle.
- I know.
- She's on pins and needles about the caseworker's report.
I mean, maybe this trip is exactly what she needs.
Or maybe this trip is exactly what she needs.
- No.
- Oh, yes.
Oh, yes.
Oh, yes, it is, goldfish Lion's breath.
Everyone, breathe in.
And [All exhaling deeply.]
Now, the breath can be a bit odd, you know, showing off all your bad dental work.
Maybe that's just if you're English.
And that's why we're here, yeah? Break through the inhibitions.
Let the truth come forward.
But are we prepared for our journey to self-revelation through ayahuasca.
I totally googled it, and there's conflicting reports about the possibilities of, um, you know, death.
Of course.
It's a completely natural herb, ancient, opens your heart.
I-I'm just prone to allergies, so I'm just making sure.
Do you know CPR? - Absolutely.
- Don't be worried.
Taken correctly, it's completely safe.
- Great.
- Now, to be fully prepared, we must fast, yeah? I'm sorry.
What--prepared to trip? - Prepared to trip balls? - It's gonna be totally fine.
I promise.
I'm just-the distinction.
I'm just asking.
I'm just asking.
- Are we good? - Yeah.
Yeah, you checked in or checked out? In.
I mean, look at this face.
I'm checked in.
Great.
Now, okay, before we are imbibing, we need to cleanse the body, cleanse the mind, 12 hours of fasting to purify the body, purify the spirit.
You'll be so thankful for an empty belly once the vomiting starts.
I'm so high.
My cheeks are-- Both: Ohm.
It's like pins and needle dome.
- Ohm to the dome.
- Ohm.
Guys, can you just keep it down a little bit? I have a horrible headache.
'Cause you're reading in the car.
You're reading in the car.
[Both laughing.]
But here--you know, I think if you annunciated "ohm," it could alleviate All: Ohm.
No.
Lyla, Lyla, loo-loo, Lyla.
Lyla, I love you.
I love your little face.
I love you too, but the whole custody thing is-- It is driving me nuts.
Lyla, we are totally going to distract you.
Vegas is the best.
You want a little fishy in your mouth, Abby? Look at the little fishy come into your mouth? - Abby.
- It wants to have a little home in your mouth.
Fishy.
- Come on.
- You guys, I'm working.
But you're not working.
You're not.
You're reading Cleo's YouTube channel.
No! Is that what you're doing now? - That's not working.
- See? Oh, my God.
Why would you do that? "Abby McCarthy is a lying, slutty, old hag who needs Botox.
" Doesn't even make sense.
How can you be "a slutty, old hag"? No one would want to sleep with you.
That's your takeaway from that.
- Well, actually-- - Hang on one second.
That's not at all-- Guys, you know what? Stoned--stoned-- Secondly, there's someone for everyone.
Stoned conversations are only funny to stoned people.
Sexuality is fluid.
She's being an ageist.
She's also being unkind to her own gender for not taking issue-- [Groans.]
[Upbeat music.]
Oh.
Oh, my! Oh, my! Hello, hello, hello.
Show us the way to the VIP sundeck, will you, doll face? We need a drink.
- Abby, do you want a drink? - Oh, my God.
Oh, sorry.
No.
I just want a lemon water with cayenne.
- Oh, my God.
- Four hibiscus margaritas coming up.
No, no, no, no.
I really do want a lemon water with the cayenne.
Abby, darling, I am not gonna get you that.
You created this monster.
I didn't mean for this weekend.
Hey, Delia, look, drinks are coming to us.
Are those girls wearing wigs? Yes, they are.
- Chardonnay or Pinot? - Oh, yeah.
Thank you.
It's mommy's special medicine, courtesy of Cleo Stevens.
She's celebrating her new book, Back-burner Baby.
And she's doing a book signing tomorrow morning.
- Here, take an invite.
- No, thank you.
- No, thank you.
- Absolutely not.
I'm so sorry, Abby.
It's not your fault.
I should have thought-- Of course she's here.
She's got a book to promote.
And she's doing the opening speech? - After one book-- - Oh, honey, take a break.
Have a Baba.
I am not having a Baba.
I'm just gonna go up to the room, and I'm going to cleanse quietly by myself.
You guys enjoy, really.
Have fun.
Have fun.
- This is weirdly satisfying.
- It's good.
- That Cleo bitch is a genius.
- Mmm.
- [Sighs.]
- Mmm.
Oh, my God.
This place is insane.
After our treatments, we have to try this arctic ice room.
- It snows.
- No way.
It's really good for tightening your pores And for people who can't chill out.
No report yet? You know how it is.
This stuff goes on and on and on.
- Lyla, it's gonna be fine.
- I know.
And if it isn't, the firm will make sure it is.
- Blow me.
- Abby.
- God, this is so ridiculous.
- Oh, my God.
I'm telling you, you have to hear this.
This is such bullshit.
Listen to this.
"Bath time--it's exhausting, "and it conflicts with mama's chance to get her wine on, "so skip it.
"If you're washing your kid's hair more than once a week, no wonder you're too cranky to lather up your husband.
" Yes, she's filthy, but you cannot let it get to you.
Just give me the iPad.
Just hand me the iPad right now.
Just give me the iPad.
Can you please keep it down? - This is the quiet room.
- Sorry - Sorry.
- We're not quiet.
- And that book saved my life.
- Really? - Oh, my God.
- Jesus Christ.
I'm so curious.
Which chapter spoke to you? Was it perhaps "Brush Off Brushing Teeth"? Excuse me, ma'am.
This is the third time.
I'm gonna have to ask you to leave.
I'm not leaving because I'm not gonna let some Cleo Stevens groupie steal my massage.
Oh, my God.
Are you Abby McCarthy? - Okay, we're going.
- Time to go.
- Sorry.
- I will have you know that your hero is an advocate for child abuse.
Relax! Or we'll waterboard you.
You must stop taking everything so seriously.
- I hate this cleanse.
- Abby.
- Mellow Vegas, not happening.
- It is not happening.
- No.
- I can't do it anymore.
My head feels like it has bees in it.
No more cleanse, no more reflection.
You need real Vegas.
The one with the good times.
Yeah.
The one where you're not ruining everybody else's good time.
Can you do that? I'm so sorry.
I'm done with my Cleo obsession, I promise.
- Let's do it.
- Yes.
Ladies, let's tear it up.
[The Friggs' I Cringe.]
Ow! All: Cheers! Cheers, yes! Abby, Abby, Abby, Abby.
That is tequila and champagne.
You've been detoxing for three days, so your liver's like a little virgin.
Now I am retoxing.
And I am reengaging.
I am so sorry that I have been so gone.
Lyla, what's happening with the custody? No, we're not talking about that.
Got it.
Lyla - We need to get you laid.
- Oh, my God, yes.
Dan doesn't count, because that was a felonious lay.
- Felonious? - Lyla, are you not having sex? - Oh, please.
- Lyla Talk about why you two hate each other exactly.
I don't--we don't hate each other.
- We don't.
- Got off on the wrong foot? Agreed.
She threatened me.
I threatened her.
Next subject.
- Phoebe.
- Yes? Ad shoot-- Do you need any help with the model babies in the morning? Yes, I do, because I'm styling the entire thing myself.
- Wow.
- So, yes, will you come? I'm there.
I mean, what else am I gonna do? Am I gonna go to Cleo Stevens' book signing? [Chuckles.]
Merman! My merman, can I have another "sagebush"? Sagebrush.
Sage-- Didn't you know he was a merman? Do you know that he has a tail? It's a secret.
I think the merman thinks that you've had enough.
You need to eat.
- Can you bring some water? - You need to eat something.
- Oh, good idea.
- You didn't lay a bread base.
- Yeah.
- Oh, my God.
Mellow Vegas was so boring.
I want party Vegas.
Party Vegas! Yeah.
Cheers to that! All: Cheers! - Whoo! [Groaning.]
I'm ruining our trip.
I'm a party downer And a social-media pariah.
Ladies, this is Las Vegas.
We just need a new plan of attack.
- We could play slots.
- Slots? No.
- Whoo-hoo-hoo! - Come on, baby! Come on, come on, come on.
Let's see it, let's see it.
- And dealer gets 17.
- Oh, my goodness.
That's good! Boom! Five, five in a row.
Five in a row.
That is exciting.
- Yes! - Yes! It can't last.
Oh, free massage.
Free massage.
Bet, please.
Are you not going to bet? No, aforementioned career crisis.
What? don't stop.
I don't know if they'll let you sit here if you don't bet.
I will ride along.
Whoo.
Abby is high-rolling with $100.
I know.
I can't handle it.
13? Who gets 13? Oh, my God.
My stomach just dropped.
I'll stay.
Dealer's got a Jack.
I'll, uh, hit, hit.
- 23.
- What? Boom! There goes summer camp.
Oh.
- How is this fun? - It isn't.
You just got to be stoic.
Game face.
Stoic.
I'm riding along with you, Phoebe.
I'll go one more.
[Didgeridoo playing.]
Do you feel anything? Maybe he didn't give me enough.
I feel seasick.
Maybe this was a mistake.
[Chuckles.]
Hey, why did you have to kill Cassidy? - [Groans.]
- He loved you, Deedee.
Deedee's just a character I play on TV.
Becca.
She doesn't exist.
She doesn't exist.
You know.
You know.
I just want to direct.
I want to direct! - Oh! - Come on, no! - Come on! - No! Come on.
- And 21.
- No! - I hate you.
- Come on.
UNICEF could've just built a school with the money we lost at this table.
That is so crazy.
- Why would you do that? - You okay? Do you want to, like, go up to the suite, maybe take a nap? What? Do you need to take-- Take a break, go up to the suite, and, like, just decompress or something? You're voting me off the island.
- I am not.
- Enjoy the warm towels, Abby.
- I have to go anyways, so - No, it's fine.
I'll go.
I'm gonna go.
Do you want somebody to go with you? No.
- I'm fine.
- No, I take that.
That's, like, two mortgage payments.
Ugh.
[Slot machines ringing.]
- Another win for you.
- Thank you.
Thank you.
This is--this is crazy.
Can you count or something? Am I cheating? Is that what you're saying? Absolutely not.
Let's just-- Let's just keep it fun.
I would love to have some fun, but when you imply that somehow - No, no.
- I'm scamming the system and not legitimately winning.
Let's just You know, um For a while now, there is a gentleman who has been staring at us.
Don't look! Please don't look.
He--he's coming over.
He's coming over.
No, no, not like that.
Delbar, is that you? Delbar? [Sighs deeply.]
[Sighs.]
Hey, there.
- Long day? - Yeah.
Got a name? Um, Janet Larocca.
- Hey, Janet.
- Hi.
You're a terrific-looking lady, Janet.
My name's Glen Melnick.
I'm in town for the eyewear convention.
Oh, yeah? Lot of new product to introduce.
My new glasses actually have X-Ray vision.
I am not wearing any glasses, Glen, but I can see you're wearing a wedding ring.
Yeah, well What happens in Vegas Hey, beautiful.
What's going on? You couldn't wait for me? I I was totally waiting for you.
Hey, man.
- How you doing? - Great.
Um, nice talking to you, Janet.
No harm, no foul.
Thanks for the rescue.
[Laughs.]
Um, I was planning on committing carbo-cide alone.
- You want this back? - No, no.
I--please rescue me again.
Eat half of it.
- Thank you, Janet.
- It--it's Abby, actually.
And you are? My name is Carrrl.
Did--did you just purr? [Chuckles.]
No.
- It's short for Juan-Carlos.
- JuanCarlos.
Join you for a glass of wine? Um Yes.
The clanging-- It's just so noisy.
- We can't even talk.
- Yes, we can talk.
- We can talk.
- No, I don't think that's- [hushed argument.]
Is there a problem? - No.
No, I'm good.
- Yes, there is.
Is she your friend? - Yes.
- Well, then tell her she should respect her elders, the people who sacrificed for her.
Oh, please.
He gets his check every month.
But you don't speak to him.
She's wrong to judge.
- Her only living parent-- - That's enough.
I'm leaving.
Delbar.
[Woman screams happily.]
I hate this place.
- I cannot find my room.
- Delia, what is happening? What's going on? - [Muttering.]
- Delia! Hey, Lyla, this is none of your business.
- Was that your uncle? - I don't know why you think that I would share anything personal with you.
You've been nothing but spiteful to me ever since I met you.
I was just part of a very unusual situation.
No, you're not part of that at all.
- It's none of your business.
- He asked-is that your uncle? - He asked me-- - I know that you think that I breezed through life because I show a little leg, but you don't know me, you understand? And you don't deserve to.
You know why this pizza's so good? - Why? - 'Cause of the wine.
- Because of the wine.
- Yeah.
Yes.
This same pizza with diet coke, we would not even be talking about this pizza.
Not at all.
No, it really is all about the wine.
- Mm-hmm.
- And suddenly it tastes like you're eating real Italian pizza.
- In Italy.
- Exactly.
[Chuckles.]
- When were you in Italy? - Never.
Just trying to impress you.
[Laughs.]
This is the first-- You are the first good thing that has happened to me this weekend.
[Chuckles.]
Um, do you want to get out of here? - [Chuckles.]
Yeah.
- [Laughs.]
- Absolutely.
- Yeah? But first we should probably talk about rates.
I'm sorry.
What? Not that I wouldn't do it for free, but got to make a living.
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.
You're a gigolo? Well, I prefer "companion," but, yeah.
I'm sorry.
Everyone knows that this is the place where women go to look for company.
I am so embarrassed.
Is that why you took down lenscrafters over here-- - Because he was on your turf? - No, no, no, no.
You just looked really uncomfortable.
- I was really uncomfortable.
- Yeah.
And I was hungry.
So, uh, if you're interested, I won't charge you for the bar time.
The clock will just start now.
Um, I don't-- I'm sorry.
I don't mean to be insulting, but it just seems a little desperate to pay for it.
You know, Abby, you-- You seem fantastic.
- Thank you.
- And you're gorgeous.
Thank you.
[Chuckles.]
But if this isn't a date, then Oh, uh, right.
You are working.
- This is your job.
- It is.
I mean, does any woman ever Pay you just to talk? - Yeah, all the time.
- Do I get a discount for that? Okay, no, that's fine.
Kidding.
But if I did, I could ask you anything? Well, no specifics about other clients.
Of course, right.
Got it.
And, um I'm a writer, so Let's say I was to write about our encounter.
[Inhales deeply.]
As long as you don't use my name.
- Is Carl your real name? - No.
No, but don't use Carl.
I don't want my agency to know that I was freelancing tonight.
Oh, my God.
- You have an agent? - I do.
I have an agent.
It's--it's an escort service, actually.
- Uh-huh.
- But they take 20%, and with the baby-style convention in town, talk about an underserved community.
Right.
I get to pick myself.
So, bas--you can-- You can actually eyeball a woman from across the room and decide whether you want to, um, "date" her.
Exactly.
Which means you did actually pick me.
I did.
Absolutely.
Does that make you feel better? - It does, actually.
- Yeah.
[Both laughing.]
Good.
[Chuckles.]
Let's do it.
[Exhales deeply.]
I can't feel my heart.
How will I love if I can't feel my heart? Um, Derek, can you help her? She can't find her heart.
Where did you lose your heart, Becca? I don't know.
- No, it's not helping.
- I don't know.
- Hmm? - You're a charlatan.
You're not real.
You're not English.
That's a fake accent.
I see it, the words.
[Chuckles.]
Am I not real, Jake? No.
There's something fraudulent in your life.
Are you ready to face it? In mine? - Everything.
- Oh.
I'm acting Like I'm okay Like I know.
I don't know.
[Crying.]
Ugh.
Jesus, I need to go home.
Yeah.
- You go with that.
- Yeah? It's okay.
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God, that feels so good.
Oh, my God.
[Chuckles.]
Trick of the trade.
- [Chuckles.]
- So you were saying? I have no idea what I'm saying.
What am I saying? - Something about a slump.
- Oh, my self-esteem slump? - Yeah.
- [Laughs.]
It's just that that Cleo author, she has--she has gone so out of her way to malign me, and we're in the same market, and I have just been talking about this for so long.
I'm boring myself.
Still, it is really weird how much energy she's putting into trying to hurt me.
Oh, I just think she's scared.
- Who--Cleo? - Yeah.
You told the truth, and now you're braving - the consequences.
- I wouldn't call it brave.
[Chuckles.]
I don't think she's scared.
I've essentially made more room on the shelf for her book.
Back-burner Baby? Come on.
She's full of shit.
[Laughs.]
That's an act.
- Like Carrrl? - [Chuckles.]
Hey, people dig what I'm selling.
- Yeah.
- We both know it's not real.
I know.
I-I care too much about what people think of me.
I always have.
Oh, I get that.
You know, I used to care what people thought about what I did for a living-- You know, the very few people that I told.
My sister thinks I'm going to hell.
Seriously, and we're close.
Wow, that's-- That's rough.
Yeah, it is what it is.
You know, one day I had this, uh--this breakthrough.
And I started thinking about all the people - that I think are awesome.
- Like who? Oh, uh, Axl Rose, uh, Gandhi.
- Mm.
- George W.
- What? - What? - W? As in Bush? - Yeah.
Absolutely.
- Okay.
- Yeah.
And I thought nobody truly interesting is universally liked, right? So I don't know.
I thought, "I don't ever want to live an ordinary life.
"I never have.
People don't approve? Eh, screw 'em.
" Nobody truly interesting Both: Is universally liked.
- Yeah.
Wow.
You just threw down some serious wisdom there, Carl.
Yeah, well, I hang with a lot of smart women.
Hmm.
You're like a wise, magical hooker.
[Chuckles.]
Well, that's role-playing.
That'll cost you extra.
[Chuckles.]
Hmm.
I am so glad you're a republican.
I would have spent a lot more money on you, but the whole W thing really cured me.
[Both laughing.]
[Cream's Strange Brew.]
Hey, uh, have you seen Jake anywhere? Why, is he missing? Well, his car's still here, but I can't find him anywhere.
Strange brew Kill what's inside of you She's a witch of trouble [Horn honking.]
In electric blue In her own mad mind, she's in love with you With you Now what you gonna do? Strange brew Kill what's inside of you Strange brew Strange brew Strange brew Kill what's inside of you - We need to get moving.
- Yeah.
- Yes, we are gonna get moving.
- Let's shoot some babies.
- Yeah.
- Pow, pow, pow.
Pow, pow.
[Babies crying.]
Hi, babies.
Yes.
Hey, hey.
- Look.
- I can't work like this.
Right, these are not professional babies.
Yes, they are.
Look.
Come on, babies, razzle-- [gasps.]
Look at that.
- Razzle dazzle, that's right.
- Why's that one so red? Poo-face.
[Babies crying.]
Awesome.
New baby.
I don't have any other babies.
I have three babies.
- You're kidding.
- No, I'm not kidding.
Phoebe, if you want a shot of three babies happy together, you need to call in 12 babies.
Well, no three babies are ever happy at the same time.
I didn't know that.
Oh, somebody needs a diaper change, pronto.
Can you just change it, Lyla? - I don't know where the-- - Just figure it out, Lyla.
There's diapers over there.
I just need one good shot.
That's it.
- Here.
- What? No.
You take him.
I am so sick of you and the way you talk to me.
You know what, Lyla? Can you not do "this is all about me" thing right now? - That's the last thing I need.
- Okay.
Good luck.
[Baby coughing.]
Lulu, are you okay? Oh, my God, Lulu's choking.
She's choking.
Oh, my God.
Um, um, will you hold? Oh, I think he-- He ate the bracelet.
He ate the bracelet.
Okay, okay, okay, okay, okay.
Oh, he's breathing and crying.
And breathing and crying, that's a good thing, right? That means he's breathing.
That's great, right? What the hell is wrong with you? It's just gonna come out the other end.
And when it does, you can keep it! You know, honestly, I feel weird taking your money.
- Really? - Yeah.
Why? 'Cause we didn't cross the line? And I was exhausted and fell asleep.
But I really enjoyed the time.
- Well, no backsies.
- All right.
You're gonna have to owe me one.
Deal.
[Camera shutter clicks.]
Abby McCarthy, didn't expect to see you here.
Who's your charming friend? Patty Wells, journalist, this is my friend, Carl.
- Nice to meet you.
- Nice to meet you, Patty um, I just want to say thank you for the loan.
You really rescued me last night.
Let's just say, off the record, that the roulette wheel is not my friend.
Well, I hope you learned your lesson.
Yeah, I did.
It was very expensive.
- It wasn't that expensive.
- [Laughing.]
See you, I hope.
Bye.
Abby, who was that? Looked too handsome to be a hit man.
For Cleo? After the awful things - she said about you? - Uh-- Come on, Abby, nobody's heard from you.
- You must have a response.
- I better not.
Come on, that bitch stepped to you.
Yeah, she really did, right? But I - I think she's great.
- Uhhuh.
I call bull.
She called you irrelevant.
Yep.
And the truth is, I found it validating Because no one truly interesting is universally liked.
And as you know, my life has become a lot more interesting lately.
Okay, I get it.
That's great.
What are you working on now? My editor would like to keep it under wraps.
But I will say it is a new book, maybe even a new series.
And let's just say that people are going to be very surprised at the new Abby McCarthy.
When you're ready, we'll do a nice item on you.
Fantastic.
I better get in there and listen to that whack job brag about neglecting her children.
Ha! Can't wait till her five minutes are up.
Bye, Patty.
Have a good one.
Hey.
Hey, guys.
Phoebe, how was your photo shoot? It was a perfect shitstorm.
I really could have used more hands.
I'm so sorry.
I-I totally intended on coming, but then my--my night took the craziest turn.
[Phone beeping.]
I met a guy who gave me the most amazing insight.
And work-wise, I feel like I have an idea.
It's really bold and more me, and I-I just don't-- What is happening here? - Lyla, what is going on? - The caseworker's report- They recommend 70/30 custody in Dan's favor.
- Oh, no.
- What? My sons feel much more emotionally connected to him.
And I'm never home.
Oh, my God, Lyla.
Oh, are you sympathetic now? Yes, of course I'm sympathetic.
What you did to me was not helpful at all.
You made me miss story time at my son's school.
Oh, my God, Lyla, please do not blame me for your custody battle.
We didn't know it was this bad.
I-I have to go home.
I have to go home.
I should've-- I should've been home.
But I'm gonna fly, 'cause I can't-- No, come on.
Come on.
I don't want to ride back with you guys.
Lyla, you can't just leave without us.
[Door opens, closes.]
[Macy Gray's Stoned.]
I don't know That I don't know So everything is Going my way And when you fly by, pick me up I've got the giggles And, baby, I'm loads of fun So, when you fly by, pick me up I'm stoned [Sighs.]
Stoned Stoned Stoned Jake, what are you doing here? Hey.
Shh.
- You remember baby gourd? - Yeah.
[Chuckles.]
Uh, I'm tripping.
Yeah, I can see that.
Yeah? I really needed to be here.
I needed to be home.
Abby, I don't want to live with you.
But I do want to die with you.
I get that.
[Chuckles, sniffles.]
- Okay, do you want to lay down? - Yeah.
Okay, let's go do that.
Just come over here.
Are you loaded? I'm--a little bit, yeah.
All right.
[Inhales deeply.]
[Exhales deeply.]
- There you go.
- [Sighs.]
- All right.
- Oh, yes.
Love this couch.
Here, sit here.
- Just get some rest.
- Sit down.
Sit--come here.
[Sighs.]
That's your - Wedding tuxedo.
- Yeah.
Abby Why did we have to split for me to see how goddamn beautiful you are? You are so beautiful.
Mama, what time is it? It's late.
I love you.
I love you too.
Thank you.
- What's going on? - Hi.
What's up? How are you? Everything's okay.
It's okay.
I just thought that maybe We could just pack some things and go on a trip.
It's gonna be an adventure.
Okay?