Groom (2018) s01e06 Episode Script

Hello. Welcome
to the Grand Hotel.
Hello.
Ah, right.
Hello. So you're disguised as
That hurts. That hurts. That hurts.
This isn't a costume, it's a uniform.
Like yours, little man.
Not always easy to wear, huh?
- No. Yes
- But we're the same, you and I.
Come.
Wait
There.
May this day show you mercy.
Finally, someone normal. We've only
had weirdos since this morning
Death to the tyrant!
Wait, wait. Sir. Sir?
Today, as you may have noticed,
we have a rather special guest.
- A dictator.
- That's a tad strong.
- A tyrant?
- No, I'd say
- A monster?
- A head of state. Okay?
Who's briefly staying here
and is honouring us with his presence.
Yeah!
Clearly this guest isn't Mr. Popularity.
But please give him the VIP treatment.
I don't see the problem.
The customer's always right.
Dictator or not,
we treat him with him respect. Period.
This morning's naked activist
tried to set himself on fire.
I don't want dead bodies here
under any circumstances.
It would be bad for everyone.
- Seriously?
- Tell your dictator pal.
He's the one who can't resist killing
people and raping horses.
I threw in the horses.
So please be very careful.
I think the dictator's rather nice.
You're officially tasked with
looking after him during his stay.
Great.
Where's Selim?
- On comp time.
- Cool!
- Comp time shouldn't even exist.
- How would you make ratatouille without thyme?
- That's totally irrelevant.
- Or cassoulet?
Rosemary? No. "Marthyme!"
Fuck, that's a non-sequitur!
- Trout.
- Shut up.
Ouch. Ouch! What?
How can you work for a guy
who oppresses millions?!
Oppresses, oppresses. Sure about that?
We say "dictator,"
but he might simply be moody.
Okay, so maybe he once used force
to earn respect. Sure.
But what I saw was a mellow guy.
A guy who seeks dialogue.
A guy doing his best.
You know, Delphine,
there'll always be jealous people.
There'll always be haters.
I'm warning you: I won't stand idly by
while there's a dictator here.
What do you mean, stand by?
DEATH TO THE TYRAN
You know when you said I could
come to you if I had a problem?
- Yes!
- I have a problem.
- Wonderful! I hope it's serious.
- Uh yeah, kinda.
There are a lot of reporters outside.
Wonderful.
- I'm not done.
- Ah.
There are a lot of reporters outside
and it's awkward for my client.
He needs secrecy,
if you know what I mean.
So I was wonder
I know. He needs to whistle.
- What?
- He needs to whistle.
When you whistle, nobody can see you.
Look.
Can you see me?
Well, yeah.
I was thinking maybe there
was a service door.
Oh! I know.
What's all the ruckus?
Could you maybe keep your toys down?
You're making too much noise.
So, for hand-to-hand combat, you
Okay? And in battle, you
Okay?
According to the regulation
regarding any public event
with more than 25 persons
within this hotel
every participant has equal access
to both the private and public areas
of this establishment.
Who told you that?
Aren't you on comp time?
'Course.
You're spending your comp time at work?
It's allowed?
I'm fast and furious.
- What?
- Are we jiving or driving?
- What's the connection?
- You break her heart I break your neck.
Okay, who are you supposed to be?
- Eric Judor!
- Vin Diesel.
You're Eric Judor.
- No, I'm Vin Diesel.
- You're Eric Judor.
- So you're an imam.
- I'm not an imam. I'm a knight, obviously.
- Okay, please
- You're a jihadist, man.
- I'm wearing a kimono!
- Please
Not cool.
Uh, I'm here to see the dicta the
Your boss.
I wanted to apologize,
on behalf of the hotel
for the incident earlier.
Your safety and your comfort
are our top priorities.
And I will personally take care of you.
So no more problems, no more incidents.
You can relax.
Free the Birghiz people!
Article 1: Men are born
and remain free and equal in rights!
Article 2: The aim of all
political association
is the preservation of the natural
and imprescriptible rights of man!
Let go of me, you fascists!
Sorry about that.
That was unforeseen.
It won't happen again.
Are my men gone?
Yes. It's all good.
They're pursuing her
Don't come near me.
Don't come any closer!
Come on. Come on, come on.
Let's sit down.
What's the matter? What is this?
You shouldn't do stuff like that.
It's wrong.
- Everyone hates me anyway.
- But you can't die like that
here.
Wouldn't I be better off?
- Stop.
- It's true.
You must have a family.
A wife, children.
Yes, but they hate me too, so there.
But, I don't know, you can't be all bad.
You must've helped someone.
Yes, to die.
Okay, enough chitchat,
'cause I'm sensing
some bad vibes, some bad mojo.
Let's relax and watch TV.
Alright.
You need to relax. Come on.
Tomorrow, the ruler known to his people
as "the filthy louse"
will make his first speech
since coming to power.
He's talking about
someone else, not you!
I'm talking about him,
not his father, Mohamar I.
Let's change the channel,
'cause that makes me
Bam! Listen, what do you usually do
to cheer yourself up?
- Uh, well, I go manhunting. I like that.
- Something other than manhunting
- Or Botox. Yeah, I like Botox too.
- There you go! Botox. Perfect.
- Yeah?
- Let's have a Botox session.
- Awesome.
- Injections!
- Great.
- Yes.
- I need a needle. Do you have one?
- No, but I'll get right on it.
- Great.
- Okay?
- Yeah.
- Now
no suicide!
Okay.
Here we go.
So you're in love?
You're gonna make babies?
Or carve your names into someone?
Oh, yes,
develop illegal nuclear programs for me.
Aren't the guards looking for you?
Lost them in the kitchen. Your
dictator won't see them for a while.
You made the dictator sad.
I'm a dictator and I'm sad.
Someone was mean to me!
- He nearly committed suicide!
- Seriously?
Let him! It'd be great!
No dying here! You're hurting me!
- So what?! You can save the world!
- No!
- No.
- Yes.
Fuck the world.
Take it.
- You scared me.
- There! There!
If a participant inconveniences a
client, inside or outside the hotel,
the event will be confined
to the rental space.
- Okay. Meaning?
- Meaning game over, Daddy-o.
Back to the private lounge.
Five minutes.
Goodbye, Madam.
When they strike, the
empire strikes back.
Take it down a notch?
You seem a little tense.
He's gone off the rails.
Your client's all set.
- What'd you do?
- Something brilliant.
CALL GIRL'S CLIENTS SECRET EXI
Are you kidding me?
You don't like it. Is it the font?
Oh, fuck.
Wait, wait, wait!
Don't worry, they're LEDs.
You're right, Botox's a great id
No, wait! Don't!
Stay away!
- What?
- I said don't come any closer!
I What?
Okay, then. Come.
No, don't, or I'll jump.
Wait! Don't! Think of
the pain you'll cause!
They're better off without me.
It can't be that bad.
I killed 200 people.
200 peo
200 people is nothing for a dictator!
- You think so?
- Of course!
It was a busy week.
I usually kill way less people.
That's a lot, right? I knew it.
If you die
a lot of people will lose their jobs.
- Really? Who?
- Your bodyguards.
Yes, if you die,
your bodyguards won't protect a corpse.
If I die, they'll work for my son.
He's the heir, so
That's it!
You're an heir. It's not your fault.
- How so?
- Well, you had a bad role model.
- Yes.
- Of course.
And when you have a bad role model, as
an adult, you're kind of out of control.
You're lost and, uh,
a bellboy gets hurt.
- What?
- People get killed. Anyway.
What I mean is, people don't
realize how stressful it is.
Well, no.
Well, no. No!
Whatever you do, it's never good enough.
You have money, cars, swimming pools.
- Airports.
- Yes.
Yes, yes, and planes.
- Yeah.
- Nuclear warheads, too.
No, not me.
But a calm benevolence
No, not that.
Bupkis.
Sorry, Dad, if I'm not dressed well
enough at your fuckin' cocktails.
Exactly. Sorry if my torture methods
aren't "spectacular" enough for you.
And you're doing your best!
You're doing your best.
Besides, I don't like torturing people.
I don't.
- But you don't have to!
- Really?
You don't have to.
Since you've already disappointed him
might as well do
something you really enjoy.
What's your dream?
Uh to be a model.
No. I mean, yes, a model,
but you could also be something else!
Model and DJ!
Oh, yes, that's good.
Yeah, model and DJ And YouTuber too!
Model, DJ and YouTuber.
- There you go!
- Yeah.
No need to jump.
So step back.
Okay, alright. Alright.
- Are you going to be okay?
- Yeah.
- YouTuber!
- Yeah
I love it.
- What about your YouTuber name?
- My YouTuber name?
I don't Luc! Luc!
Luc's nice.
Yes.
Come on, let's go create a channel.
Luc's channel.
Is this my real hair?
It took me about five years.
Come on. There. Come on!
I found them wandering around Reception.
- Come on, that's no crime.
- They were eating the guests' candies.
What'd you expect?
You locked us up in here without food!
Food?
But you're cosplayers,
not eaters!
You know what?
You're becoming a tyrant.
Now he's screwing with me.
My master taught me
that if someone tramples my rights,
it's my duty to trample them.
This is getting weird.
It's getting out of control.
- We should go.
- Get in. We're out of here.
- Follow that car.
- Okay.
Model, DJ and YouTuber.
Great Oh!
And mailman. Oh, yeah, mailman.
Mailman?
They can go wherever they want.
They have keys to everything.
- Right!
- Yeah, that's awesome.
Sorry about earlier.
I I don't know what got into me.
It's okay.
What matters is you're safe and sound.
Yes, you're right. But it's not enough.
Because from now on,
I've decided to be
happy!
I'm going to be happy
and make people happy!
That's what I wanted to hear!
No more bombing people!
I'm still going to bomb them.
Bombard people with love!
I'm going to kill sadness!
I'll lock up misfortune.
I'll tear happiness apart!
To make more!
Oh yeah! Yeah. That's good.
- Thanks so much.
- You're welcome.
- Really. Thanks for everything.
- No problem.
New life, here I come!
Uh, you all saw, right?
He threw himself under the car.
Bastard did it for the insurance.
He isn't even dead.
Yes, he's dead.
Well, the main thing is to stay calm.
Or let it all out, like that.
But a guest is dead!
- What's going on?
- The dictator's dead.
No need, then.
- For what?
- Nothing.
Wait. We have to do something.
Because if the bodyguards see this,
they'll kill us!
Put him in the kitchen's cold room.
The cooks might think it's a bit odd
if there's a naked guy in the cold room.
Why naked?
I I don't know. Dressed is weird.
- No, Martin, what's weird is that he's dead.
- Yes, exactly. So what now?
Suggestion: leave him here, his
bodyguards find him, tyranny is dead.
So's the hotel,
my reason for living and my good mood.
There he is.
Dumbledore?
You like costumes?
You want full powers?
Hello, hello. Please! Please!
Wait! I'll distract them.
I'll distract them!
Please! Please!
Payback!
Is there a a doctor
out there?
A doctor or a pilot.
A fighter pilot.
Or even a fighter A Foo Fighter
or a cockfighter Please!
- Tell him to come out and face us!
- No, this is unrelated.
I'm just here to help johns sneak out
discreetly.
Freedom! Freedom! Freedom!
Freedom! Free
From now on,
it's life imprisonment
for anyone who mistakes Star Wars
for Star Trek,
two entirely different franchises.
I will also demand the death penalty
for those who say "JIF" instead of "GIF"
and "mee-mee" instead of "meme."
Screw 'em!
Seriously, it's a bust.
It's obviously not him.
Bull. Honestly, if you look quickly
you fall for it.
This dictator's great.
Bravo, guys. Honestly, much better.
At least it buys us time.
Thanks, Selim.
But clean this shit up.
And the death penalty
for those who "like" their own comments.
Screw 'em.
Death penalty for
A revolutionary robot
we'll get to test today
for the first time ever.
Mr. Scratch, I'm a huge fan.
He had a stroke. He
only understands rap.
Anything from the mini-bar
Thomas? Everything okay?
- No problems, no conspiracies.
- No one's working.
- What?
- Only way you'll understand the street.
- Wait, wait, wait.
- If, by day's end,
it's done a better job,
it'll replace us and we're fired.
What?