Heathcliff & the Catillac Cats (1984) s01e06 Episode Script

- HEATHCLIFF, HEATHCLIFF,
NO ONE SHOULD ♪
TERRIFY THE NEIGHBORHOOD
BUT HEATHCLIFF
JUST WON'T BE UNDONE ♪
PLAYING PRANKS ON EVERYONE
THERE'S A RACE TO BE ON TOP
THE COMPETITION
DOESN'T STOP ♪
MIXING WITH
THE LADIES FAIR ♪
BEING CHARMING, DEBONAIR
THE GANG WILL REIGN SUPREME
AND NO ONE CAN DENY-Y-Y-Y
THERE AIN'T NO MYSTERY
THEY'LL ALWAYS HAVE
ANOTHER FINE TIME ♪
SO JOIN IN THE JUBILEE
THE CATS ARE GREAT,
THEY'LL ALL AGREE ♪
FIND IN EACH CALAMITY
THE CATS' SUPERIORITY
OH OH OH OH OH OH
OH OH OH
OH OH OH OH OH OH OH OH
OH OH OH
HEATHCLIFF, HEATHCLIFF,
NO ONE SHOULD ♪
TERRIFY THE NEIGHBORHOOD
BUT HEATHCLIFF
JUST WON'T BE UNDONE ♪
YOU SHOULD REALIZE
HE CAN WIN IT WITH YOU
GRR!
WOW. TO THINK THAT I'M RELATED
TO THE KING OF BEASTS!
- HEATHCLIFF!
OH, SORRY I'M LATE.
ARE YOU READY
TO GO INTO THE ZOO?
- [FEROCIOUS ROAR]
- [SNAP]
- [AROO]
- THE ELEPHANT IS EATING
PEANUTS RIGHT OUT OF MY HAND.
[CHEWING NOISES]
- [AROO]
- WHOO!
YOW!
YOW!
WHOA!
[LEAVES RUSTLE]
- [GRUNTING]
- I JUST THOUGH
I'D DROP IN.
HEATHCLIFF, OLD BOY,
YOU'VE DONE IT AGAIN!
- HO HO HO! HEY, GONZO,
LOOK AT THE DUMB CA
SLIDING DOWN THE GIRAFFE.
- [LAUGHING]
- I MUST'VE
HEARD THAT WRONG.
NO ONE CALLS
HEATHCLIFF A DUMB CA
AND GETS AWAY WITH IT.
- NOT ONLY IS
HE A DUMB CAT
- HE'S GO
A STUPID NAME, TOO!
- HA HA!
HEATHCLIFF?!
- AND IN ADDITION TO THAT,
BANANA BREATH,
I'M A CLOSE, PERSONAL RELATIVE
OF THE KING OF BEASTS!
- HEY, BONZO, GONZO!
DID YOU HEAR
WHAT HE SAID?
- WE HEARD IT,
ALONZO!
- AND WE THINK IT'S TIME
SOMEONE TAUGHT THIS
UPPITY CAT A LESSON.
[MONKEYS LAUGHING]
- PPPT!
ALL RIGHT, NOW
YOU'VE REALLY HAD IT!
- [SCREAMING]
[CRASH]
- THAT OUGHT TO TEACH YOU
TO MESS WITH THE COUSIN
OF THE KING OF BEASTS.
- DID YOU SAY
THE KING OF BEASTS?!
- YEAH, THE KING
OF BEASTS.
- DID SOMEBODY CALL MY NAME?
GRR
- NO WAY, COCONUT CRANIUM!
EVERYONE KNOWS THA
THE KING OF BEASTS IS THE LION,
NOT SOME
B-B-B-B-B-BIG APE!
UH-OH
- OH, YEAH? WELL, YOU TELL
THAT MANGY OLD LION
THAT I'M THE KING AROUND HERE,
AND NO PUNY ALLEY CAT'S GOING
TO TELL ME ANY DIFFERENT!
[MONKEYS CHATTERING]
- THAT WAS A LUCKY SHOT,
YOU BIG MONKEY!
- I'D LIKE
TO SEE YOU TRY IT AGAIN!
- SO THERE YOU ARE,
HEATHCLIFF.
DON'T YOU KNOW IT'S DANGEROUS
TO PLAY WITH WILD ANIMALS?
- YEAH. FOR THEM
IF I GET MY HANDS
ON THEM AGAIN.
- PPPT!
- HEATHCLIFF,
YOU WAIT HERE.
I'M GOING TO GE
SOME REFRESHMENTS.
- AND SO AM I!
- [GROWLING, CHEWING NOISES]
- THIS MIGHT BE TOUGHER
THAN I THOUGHT.
- LUNCHTIME, HERBIE!
- HERBIE'S PROBABLY A PUNY
LITTLE TABBY CAT WHO WON'
MIND SHARING HIS LUNCH.
- OH, YEAH?
[ROARING]
[ROAR ECHOING]
- WELL, I GUESS
THAT ANSWERS MY QUESTION!
I'D BETTER GET OUT OF HERE,
OR I'LL BE LUNCH!
- [ROARING]
- H-HERBIE!
YOU GET BACK HERE THIS INSTANT!
[HEATHCLIFF PANTING]
- HERBIE! WHERE ARE YOU?
- WHEW!
I OUGHT TO BE
SAFE IN HERE.
- THAT'S WHAT YOU THINK,
YOU LITTLE STEAK STEALER.
- ARE YOU IN
THAT CAVE, HERBIE?
- OH. IT WAS JUS
A LITTLE KITTY CAT.
HERBIE!
WHERE ARE YOU?
- THAT WAS GREAT, KID.
TELL YOU WHAT,
IN RETURN FOR THAT FAVOR,
NOT ONLY WILL I NOT EAT YOU,
BUT I'LL EVEN SHARE MY STEAK.
- [BURP]
UH, SORRY, HERBIE.
I THOUGHT IT MIGH
HAVE BEEN MY LAST MEAL.
- HA HA HA HA!
YOU'RE A CA
AFTER MY OWN HEART.
- AND YOU'RE
THE KING OF BEASTS.
I'LL BET YOU COULD LICK
ANY ANIMAL ON THE BLOCK.
- AW, SHUCKS,
HEATHCLIFF. HA HA!
I GUESS IT GOES
WITH THE TERRITORY.
- AND IF SOME BIG APE
WERE CLAIMING HE WAS
THE KING OF BEASTS?
WELL, UH, YOUR MAJESTY,
HERE WE ARE.
- YIKES!
[CRASH]
- SO, HERBIE,
WE MEET AGAIN.
- UHNICE TO SEE YOU,
GROWLO.
- THAT'S MR. GROWLO
TO YOU, KITTY CAT.
- SURE THINGSIR.
- HERBIE?
WHAT'S GOING ON?
- SORRY, HEATHCLIFF.
- THIS IS THE BIG LUNK
WHO'S GOING TO BE SORRY.
LET'S SEE A LITTLE
MORE RESPECT, GRUMPO.
YOU'RE IN THE PRESENCE
OF ROYALTY.
- AND YOU'RE ABOUT TO GO
FOR A LITTLE RIDE!
- HA HA HA! HA HA HA!
[CRASH]
[MONKEYS LAUGHING]
- COME ON, GUYS.
I FEEL LIKE HAVING
A NIGHT ON THE TOWN.
- GEE, HEATHCLIFF.
I'M SORRY.
I GUESS
I LET YOU DOWN.
- YOU'RE
THE KING OF BEASTS!
CATS EVERYWHERE
LOOK UP TO YOU!
YOU GOT TO PULL
YOURSELF TOGETHER!
- BUT I'M JUS
A LILY-LIVERED LION
ALWAYS HAVE BEEN,
ALWAYS WILL BE.
- ALL CLEAR, GUYS.
LET'S GO!
- OH, NO! NOW
THE MONKEYS ARE ESCAPING, TOO!
THIS PLACE IS A ZOO!
- WE GOT TO DO SOMETHING
ABOUT THOSE MONKEYS--QUICK!
[GRUNTS]
- ALL RIGHT, GUYS!
ATTACK!
- [SCREAMING]
- OH, BOY! CAN WE EA
ALL THE GOODIES HERE?
- I'VE GOT A BETTER IDEA.
WE'LL HAVE
OUR PICNIC UP THERE!
- IT'S LIKE
I WAS SAYING, HERBIE--
IF YOU WANT TO BE A KING,
YOU GOT TO ACT LIKE ONE.
- [ROARING]
- YIKES!
GET OUT OF HERE!
- THERE'S A LION
ON THE LOOSE!
[ALL SCREAMING]
- YEAHTHAT'S THE IDEA.
- YOU KNOW, I'M BEGINNING
TO FEEL LIKE A KING!
- IN THAT CASE, I'VE JUS
SPOTTED A FEW FRIENDS
I'D LIKE TO
INTRODUCE YOU TO.
- WELL, IF IT ISN'T OUR
OLD FRIEND HERBIE AND
HIS LITTLE KITTY FRIEND.
- HA HA HA!
YOU PULLED OU
ALL YOUR BOWS.
LUCKILY, WE GOT MORE!
- [ROARING]
- ALL RIGHT, HERBIE,
NOW YOU'VE MADE ME MAD!
- DON'T LET THAT BIG MONKEY
SCARE YOU, YOUR MAJESTY!
- IT'S TIME
SOMEONE TAUGHT HIM A LESSON!
- HERBIE?
TEACH ME A LESSON?
- THAT'S RIGHT, GROWLO!
- YOWWHOA!
- READY, YOUR MAJESTY!
- YOWWHOA!
- GEE, GROWLO, YOU'RE MORE FUN
THAN A BARREL FULL OF MONKEYS.
- GOING DOWN!
- HEY! WAIT FOR US!
- HEE HEE HEE!
HA HA! HEE HEE! HO HO!
- I'VE BEEN LOOKING
ALL OVER FOR YOU!
I HEARD THIS LION
GOT LOOSE BEFORE.
WE BETTER GET OUT OF HERE
BEFORE IT HAPPENS AGAIN.
I HOPE THAT GRIN DOESN'T MEAN
WHAT I THINK IT MEANS.
[HEATHCLIFF AND
HERBIE ROARING]
- THERE I WAS,
ON MY BACK,
AT 30,000 FEE
OVER THE AMAZON JUNGLE, WHEN
[ENGINE SPUTTERING]
- THIS COULD BE
BIG TROUBLE.
OH, WELL. I'VE BEEN
IN WORSE SCRAPES BEFORE.
BETTER BAIL OUT.
[CRASH]
UH-OH!
THEY DON'T MAKE THESE THINGS
LIKE THEY USED TO!
- THEN WHA
HAPPENED, RIFF-RAFF?
- WHAT ALWAYS
HAPPENS, YOU DINGBAT.
HE ALWAYS FALLS
INTO A HUGE PALM TREE
THAT BREAKS HIS FALL
LUCKILY FOR HIM.
I'VE HEARD THAT STORY
A HUNDRED TIMES, BIG SHOT.
YOU NEED A NEW ONE.
- YEAH? WELL, I
REALLY HAPPENED.
AND WHO ELSE HAS A STORY
AS EXCITING, HUH?
- HERE'S WHO, RIFF-RAFF.
ADMIRAL KATSK, THAT'S WHO.
- HUH?
- OOH, HE'S CUTE!
WHAT DID HE DO?
- THIS GUY'S
NOT THAT HOT.
ALL HE DID WAS BECOME
THE FIRST CAT TO MAKE I
TO THE NORTH POLE.
- YEAH, BU
HE'S FAMOUS,
AND HE'S GOING TO BE
MORE FAMOUS AFTER
HE CLIMBS MOUNT HUJI.
- IT'S IN THAT FARAWAY
LAND OF BIGATOA.
BOY, WOULD I LIKE TO BE THERE
WHEN HE GETS TO THE TOP.
- YEAH? WELL, I WILL BE.
AND I'LL BE WAITING
FOR HIM AT THE PEAK.
I'LL SHOW HIM AND YOU GUYS
WHO'S THE NUMBER-ONE CAT.
- NOW YOU'RE TALKING,
HOTSHOT.
WE'LL BE FAMOUS TOGETHER
WHEN WE REACH THE TOP.
AH, A NEW FUR COA
FOR ME, AND ALL THA
CAVIAR AND MILK.
- THAT MOUNTAIN'S
NO PLACE FOR A WOMAN.
THIS IS
A MAN'S JOB, CLEO.
OOF!
OOH! AAH! OOH!
- "A MAN'S JOB," HUH?
"NO PLACE FOR A WOMAN," HUH?
OH! I'LL SHOW THA
CONCEITED BLOCKHEAD!
- MOUNT HUJI,
HERE WE COME.
[TRAIN WHISTLE BLOWING]
- HUH?
- YOU CAN BRING ON
MY MEAL NOW, HECTOR.
- SURE, BOSS.
COMING UP.
[GRUNTING]
- AH, MY FAVORITE--
TUNA SURPRISE.
A MEAL FIT FOR A KING,
OR AT LEAS
A MOUNTAIN CLIMBER.
- I SAY, OLD BOY,
I DIDN'T INVITE YOU
TO HAVE LUNCH WITH ME.
DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM?
- MM-HMMYOU'RE ADMIRAL,
UH, WHAT'S-HIS-NAME.
- KATSK.
THE NAME IS KATSK.
AND DO YOU MIND GETTING RID
OF THAT DREADFUL STUFF
YOU'RE EATING
IN FRONT OF ME?
- [GULP]
AHTHANKS MUCH, ADMIRAL.
THAT WILL GIVE ME
THE STRENGTH TO BEAT YOU
TO THE TOP OF MOUNT HUJI.
LATER!
- GRR
NO ONE HAS EVER
CHALLENGED ME BEFORE!
THAT LITTLE SQUIR
WILL NEVER MAKE I
TO THE TOP OF MOUNT HUJI,
AND NEITHER
WILL ANY OF HIS TEAM.
- JUST A FEW MORE
INCHES, MONGO.
- DUHWHAT, BOSS?
- YIKES!
- UH, NEVER MIND, MONGO.
JUST FINISH
WITH THE TENT.
- HA HA HA. THESE PESKY
CATS MUST BE STOPPED.
HEH HEH HEH HEH!
HEH HEH HEH!
[ALL YAWNING]
[WORDSWORTH YAWNS]
[ALL SNORING]
[THREADS TWANG]
- YIKES!
- WHAT'S HAPPENING?
- OW!
- HELP!
- WHAT'S GOING ON? HEY!
OK, YOU WISE GUYS.
WHICH ONE OF YOU NITWITS
PULLED THIS STUNT?
- THIS BEAR COSTUME
SHOULD BE ENOUGH TO SCARE
THAT SILLY JUNKYARD CAT
AND HIS UNRULY PALS BACK DOWN
THE HILL WHERE THEY BELONG.
- I THOUGHT SO.
WELL, THIS OLD BEAR
IS IN FOR A SURPRISE OF HIS OWN.
[MONGO PANTING]
- THESE ARE GOOD BOYS
I'VE GOT HERE.
THEY KNOW I NEED
TO CONSERVE MY STRENGTH
FOR THE FINAL CLIMB
WITH THE ADMIRAL.
WILL YOU CLOWNS WATCH
WHERE YOU THROW THAT STUFF?!
- SURE, BOSS. SORRY!
- GRR
THAT'S IT! I'VE HAD IT!
STOP EVERYTHING!
NOW, LOOK, YOU
YOU!
- YEAH, BOSS? WHAT?
- [GROWLING]
- HA HA HA
- HA HA HA
- AAH!
- GOT TO REMIND MYSELF
TO DECORATE THOSE TWO FOR
THEIR LOYALTY AND BRAVERY.
- GRR!
- YAHOO!
- HEY, YOU GUYS.
WAIT FOR ME!
- THAT TAKES CARE
OF THOSE SCAREDY-CATS.
OH, HELLO, OLD BEAR.
BEAR?!
YAA!
WHOA!
- GEEI WONDER WHY
EVERYBODY'S IN SUCH
A HURRY TO GO BACK DOWN?
WE AIN'T EVEN
GOT TO THE TOP YET.
- OH, NO! RIFF-RAFF
IS RIGHT IN HIS PATH!
RIFF-RAFF!
LOOK OUT!
[RUMBLING]
- YIKES!
[CRASH]
- OHADMIRAL KATSK.
I KNEW IT ALL ALONG.
BUT THAT OTHER VOICE
I WONDER
- [GRUNTING]
- COME ON, YOU TWO SLOWPOKES.
WE GOT TO MAKE UP FOR LOST TIME.
- DUH, HEY, WORDSWORTH.
THE BOSS WANTS US TO HURRY.
[RADIO CRACKLES]
- NO SWEAT, CHAP.
JUST TRYING TO TUNE IN
SOME TRAVELING SOUNDS.
I'M GETTING SOME KIND
OF STRANGE NOISE.
[SNOWMOBILE MOTOR BUZZES]
- HA HA! WHO SAID ANYTHING
ABOUT PLAYING FAIR?
- HUH?
- HEY, HAVE YOU
GONE NUTS?
PUT ME DOWN!
- GRR
- LOOK, BOSS!
A WAY TO CATCH UP!
- [BLEATING]
- PERFECT TIMING.
GRAB ONE AND LET'S GO!
- HERE, GOATIE, GOATIE!
WANT MY COAT, GOAT?
- I KNEW THOSE GOATS
WOULD HELP.
IT WAS WORTH THE EFFOR
TO ROUND THEM UP.
- WHOA! SLOW DOWN,
YOU MUTT!
- HEY, I JUST WAN
A SHORT RIDE, LAMB CHOPS!
- WHOA, NANNY!
DUHI GOT ONE.
- RIDE 'EM, GOAT CAT!
- OH, NO!
- OOF!
- RIFF-RAFF! LOOK!
IT'S THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN--
WE'RE ALMOST THERE!
- ALL RIGHT!
- YOU DIDN'T THINK I'D LET YOU
GET UP THERE WITHOUT A SCRAP,
DID YOU, OLD BOY?
- NO, I DIDN'T, OLD BOY,
BUT NO MORE TRICKS.
IT'S JUST ME AND YOU
TO THE TOP, RIGHT?
- RIGHT YOU ARE.
LET'S GO TO IT.
- OOHAHH
- OHHOOH
- UGH! ALMOST THERE
- GOING TO MAKE IT,
OLD BOY
- GO GET 'EM!
- YEAH, RIFF-RAFF!
- I TOLD YOU I'D BE
THE WINNER
AGAINST AN AMATEUR
SUCH AS YOURSELF.
- WHAT DO YOU MEAN,
CHOWDER HEAD?
I WAS THE FIRST ONE
OVER THE TOP,
AND THE FIRST ONE
ON HIS FEET!
- UH, JUS
A SECOND, YOU TWO.
DIDN'T IT EVER OCCUR TO YOU
TO SHARE THE HONORS?
TA-DA!
- CLEO! YOU MEAN
THAT WAS YOU ALL ALONG?
- THAT'S RIGHT, HOTSHOT.
IT WAS ME.
I KNEW YOU'D NEED MY HELP
IN SPITE OF YOURSELF.
AND I NEEDED TO SHOW
BOTH OF YOU
THAT INSTEAD OF TRYING
TO BEAT EACH OTHER TO THE TOP,
YOU COULD HAVE BEEN
HELPING EACH OTHER.
- YOU KNOW, OLD CHAP,
SHE'S RIGHT.
- SHE USUALLY IS.
- IT'S SETTLED THEN.
LET'S TOAST TO I
WITH SOME MILK.
- CHEERIO.
- CHEERS!
- HERE'S SNOW
IN YOUR EYE.
- HEY, HOW ABOU
SOME SNOW IN OUR EYES?
- OOH!
- OOH!
- OOH!
[LAUGHTER]
THERE'S PROBABLY NOTHING CUTER
THAN PUPPIES AND KITTENS.
OOH HOO HOO HOO HOO!
YEAH, BUT YOU ALWAYS
HAVE TO REMEMBER
TO BE VERY GENTLE WITH THEM.
THAT'S 'CAUSE THEY'RE
NOT REAL STRONG.
PUPPIES AND KITTENS
ALSO EAT DIFFERENT FOODS
THAN GROWN-UP DOGS AND CATS.
SO, CHECK
WITH YOUR VETERINARIAN
ABOUT THE HEALTHIEST WAY
TO FEED YOUR PET.
REMEMBER, BE VERY GENTLE
WITH YOUR PETS.
GIVE THEM LOTS OF LOVE
AND FEED THEM
ALL THE GOOD STUFF
YOUR VET RECOMMENDS.
HEH HEH HEH HEH! OOH!
- HEATHCLIFF, HEATHCLIFF,
NO ONE SHOULD ♪
TERRIFY THE NEIGHBORHOOD
BUT HEATHCLIFF
JUST WON'T BE UNDONE ♪
PLAYING PRANKS ON EVERYONE
THE GANG WILL REIGN SUPREME
AND NO ONE CAN DENY-Y-Y-Y
THERE AIN'T NO MYSTERY
THEY'LL ALWAYS HAVE
ANOTHER FINE TIME ♪
SO JOIN IN THE JUBILEE
THE CATS ARE GREAT,
THEY'LL ALL AGREE ♪
OH OH OH OH OH OH
OH OH OH
BUT HEATHCLIFF
JUST WON'T BE UNDONE ♪
YOU SHOULD REALIZE
HE CAN WIN IT WITH YOU
- COOKIE JAR!