Hollywood Darlings (2017) s01e06 Episode Script

[playful music.]
Christine, are you sure this is a bar? Yes, come on.
This way.
I know it just looks like a hardware store, but I'm telling you, this is the hottest new thing: pop-up club, yeah.
This week, it's here.
You're gonna thank me for this.
We're gonna have an amazing time.
Oh, that's definitely the bartender.
Come on.
We're getting close.
Okay, guys, guys, I think this is the bouncer, so just let me do the talking and be cool.
- Okay.
- Okay.
- Hello.
- Hey.
The password is "orgasm.
" What? For the club? "Orgasm?" This is a hardware store.
Wait, you mean there's no, like, um, like [imitates club music.]
There is no [imitates club music.]
There's just hose, springs, screws.
I think he just called us hos.
Okay.
So sorry to bother you.
[laughs nervously.]
Have a very nice night.
I think we're just It's gonna be down the street.
- Ladies, come with me.
- I'm gonna kill you.
[playful music.]
- Double fisting? - Mm.
How can you have two coffees? I'm the one with the youngest kid here.
It's not two coffees.
This is a quad espresso.
- This is a black coffee.
- Mm.
- Wow, that's intense.
- Ugh.
- [child yelps.]
- Kenzie! Kenzie, play nicely with your brother.
I am so exhausted.
I had that "Fuller House" wrap party last night.
- Both: Ohh.
- Yeah.
I was up way too late.
It was like, 2:00, in the morning.
I mean, I - 2:00 in the morning? - [sighs.]
Yeah.
Oh, my God, I cannot do those nights anymore.
I am paying for it.
Mm-mm, no.
At least you had a wrap party to go to for a hit show.
"Fuller House," that is doing gangbusters.
Gosh, everybody's doing a reboot.
You guys, I should really get the gang back together.
I have a meeting with a TV network in a couple of days.
They just want to hear some ideas.
And I was gonna pitch maybe getting "Step by Step" back together.
It might be a really good idea.
Right? You gotta be, like, a go-getter in this business if you want to have any kind of longevity.
I had to get very proactive over the years, you know, pitching my own TV shows.
Just gotta take your own balls in your own hands and run with them.
Speaking of reboot, I should totally get myself back out there.
I mean, it's been so long.
I think I've, like, forgotten how to do it.
You know, I'm going to this producer's party this week.
He's got, like, five shows on the table right now.
And there's a ton of people there that you should meet, so why don't you come with me? Sounds like fun.
What time does it start? Like, um, 10:00.
- Ooh.
- 10:00? I mean, that's past my bedtime.
You got it.
You can totally do it.
I can do this.
We can do this.
- Totally.
- We can totally do this.
Good luck.
I'm gonna be in bed.
- Oh, so sweet.
- [laughs.]
So excited to pitch you guys some new TV show ideas.
Thanks so much for having me back.
Yeah, of course.
Everything you did last time was great.
Just a little too soft, maybe something A little edgier but still, like, with a sprinkle of wholesome, you know? Okay.
Square peg, round hole.
Okay.
Um Stuff that's really out of the box, yet Still inside the box but still being outside of the box.
Um, well, I, uh, have taken all those notes, and I've kind of, you know, put them in a Crock-Pot, and, - uh, I'll just get into it, so - Great.
First show, it's a half hour, right? Scripted comedy.
Think "ALF" meets "Sex and the City.
" Okay.
This is like alien moves in with four sexy young singles.
And then it's "Sex and the City," so are the is the puppet having sex with the Exactly, you're hitting the nail on the head here.
Oh.
It feels as if it borders a little bit on, um, uh, bestial bestiality? But very soft bestiality.
Kind of a little too edgy.
Just gives me that weird feeling inside.
Got it.
Yes.
Okay.
Um how about we go reality? - I love reality.
- Think about this.
Homeless beauty queens.
I-I don't know.
Um We find some homeless women, okay? We give them makeovers.
Where would you find the homeless people, though? Are these actual homeless people? Yeah, basically.
Yeah, I really love that.
I hate it.
Horrible.
All right, well, I got one more.
I mean, you're probably not gonna like it.
It is not outside the box and not very edgy and has totally been done before.
Uh, but "Step by Step" reboot.
I really like that.
Really? - Yeah! - Yeah.
- Okay.
- I-I think it's great.
- I totally love it.
- Wow, okay.
- Mm-hmm.
- '90s are in.
- Great.
- Yeah.
I think it Critical: you got to get the cast.
Absolutely.
- Um, you - Staci Keanan.
- Uh - Patrick Duffy, right? - Suzanne Somers.
- Of course.
I think you'd have to have those three - to lock this in.
- Yeah, absolutely.
Well, then and I and obviously I would be in it too.
Yeah, so you'd be the friend that drops by? No, I'd probably just play my character.
Allie.
Al.
If you can get the cast locked up, I don't see any reason we couldn't green-light this, I mean, in the next couple of weeks.
- Like, tomorrow.
- Tomorrow.
Yeah, no, I can talk to them.
I'm sure that they'd be down.
I mean, you know.
Let me get them together, and, um, I'll see you at the table read.
[laughter.]
Oh, I'm so happy you could come to lunch.
I haven't heard from you in so long.
I know.
I mean, I'm sor With the baby, you know? You know, the first thing I thought was, there's a marriage problem or something.
Or a money problem.
[laughs.]
Don't ever call me when you have a money problem.
Okay.
So tell me.
You're buying me lunch.
Why? Well, I just you know, I wanted to get together.
It's been a while, you know.
- No, you didn't.
- I did.
Listen, I have a little pitch for you.
Aha.
- I was just thinking - [chuckles.]
What? All these shows are doing reboots.
My friend Jodie, this "Fuller House" thing - Oh, I know it.
- Megahit.
I think we should get a reboot going.
- Yeah.
- They should be doing our show, "Step by Step.
" I did a reboot thing.
I get that.
Yeah, I mean, I did "Dallas.
" - Right.
- Yeah.
That was very lucrative.
Basically, it's like getting paid to have a family reunion, hmm? Ooh, you're selling, selling, selling.
I am.
I mean, it's a great idea, you know, but I'm kind of happy up north.
Come on.
Think about it.
You think they would fly me down if I only worked maybe three days a week? Totally.
And I don't have to memorize all the lines? No.
We'll get you cue cards.
- We'll we'll dub your mouth.
- That'd be kind of funny.
We'll do Japanese-style, doesn't matter.
Right? And I don't have to do the physical things? No.
We'll put you in a chair.
- Get paid a bucket of money.
- Right.
And don't work with Staci.
What? Just not work with Staci.
- Why's that? - Just personal things.
The network actually might might want her too Why? We just get rid of her.
Like in a canoeing accident? Yeah, kill the bitch.
[laughs.]
[laughs.]
Yeah, that's Can I see a wine list? - All right.
- [sighs.]
So you ready for the big night? Yes.
We are out.
We are doing it.
I can't believe it.
You're out past your bedtime.
Whoa! - Is that the house? - I know, beautiful, right? And you're gonna love Khalil.
He's super sweet.
He's an amazing producer.
He's done a lot of really great films.
I-I think you're gonna be just right for something that he's working on.
- [yawning.]
Oh - But he's a little bit, uh I don't know, what's the word "eccentric" sometimes about his house.
- Okay.
- Also - I brought you one of these.
- Yeah.
You should really drink one before you go in there.
- You don't want to be yawning.
- Energy drink? Yeah, you need to perk up.
We're gonna get you a job tonight.
Mm.
Oh, God.
Caffeine goes right to my head.
- Drink up.
- Okay.
- Okay.
- Good.
You know what? Maybe I should take yours too.
Just in case.
- You go to bed at 9:00 p.
m.
- I do.
I do.
- You might need more than one.
- This is yeah.
All right, let's just let's do this.
All right, let's do this.
All right.
[exhales deeply.]
[club music playing.]
Can I get another one of these? The energy drinks, like - Oh, yes.
- Okay, perfect.
Okay.
So where's the producer? Um, he is See him over there in the hat? Oh, okay, cool.
Well, let's go say hi.
- No, no, no, no.
- Uh oh.
- Not yet.
- Oh.
You don't want to be, like, overexcited.
It's like dating; you don't want to, like, settle down with the first guy you sleep with.
You know what I mean? It's just Oh, I did that, though, I-I Do you need any help back there? Mmm.
[slurping.]
- Mmm.
- You might wanna They just go down so easy.
Just slow down on that there, Turbo.
- Mmm! - That's energy drink number three.
Bev, we don't make noises when we drink.
We don't make noises.
- It's all right.
- We'll take another one.
You can fill it all the way up.
Like, halfway.
- Yeah, just, like, all the way.
- Half is fine, yeah.
Like, all the way to the top up here.
All the way up, all the way up to here.
- Yeah, halfway - Hey.
- Lance! - What's up, Bev? How are you? Good to see you.
- Oh, it's so good to see you.
- Whoa.
That is quite the grip you got there.
- It's been so long! - Oh, my God.
Oh, I've missed you so much.
Oh, I missed you so Hey, Jodie, how are you? - Hi, Lance, nice to see you.
- It's good to see you.
I'm so sorry I missed the wedding.
- Oh, that's okay.
- Oh, I just feel so terrible.
You know what? I love the toaster anyway.
I mean, 'cause it was in Colorado.
- And I just was, like, so sad.
- It's okay.
Are you okay? Is everything good? Yeah, no, I'm good, I'm good.
I just miss you.
- Well, you look great.
- It's been so long.
- It's been forever.
I know.
- It's been so long.
We need to hang out.
Yes, yes, okay, yeah.
No, I Oh, boy.
I didn't know you knew Khalil.
I haven't met him yet.
- His house is just to die for.
- I know.
He spent six years building this thing.
- Six years? - Yes.
Oh, my gosh, yeah, I mean, I could understand why Oh, my God, these people.
- Look at these people.
- Yeah.
I mean, were they raised in a barn? Napkins! - Go help 'em out.
Obviously.
- You gotta put the napkins under - Oh, my Lord.
- Yeah, I get it.
I get it.
Go deal with the napkins, Bev.
I mean, come here.
- Is she okay? - [sighs.]
She's fine.
Put that right there.
On on.
Are you sure she's not skiing? You know, riding the white pony? Booger sugar? Cocaine? I get it, Lance.
I get it, okay? She never goes out at night.
You know, 9:00, she's in bed.
That's what happens when you have kids.
No, that's what happens when she has kids.
- [sighs.]
- Ooh! [club music playing.]
[slurping.]
Mmm - She doesn't get out much.
- Yeah.
Let's go talk to Khalil.
- Let's go over and say hi.
- Oh, no, no.
- Khalil! - No, no! [shushing.]
Hey, Khalil! Yeah, yeah, yeah, what? No, no, no, no, no, you know? I think that I need to go to the bathroom before we go talk to him, and I need you to come with me.
So let's go check I bet the bathroom's gorgeous.
- Oh, you know what? - Let's go look.
I bet it is.
I love bathrooms.
- Love I love bathrooms.
- Let's go check it out.
Okay, but then we'll go talk to Khalil.
- We'll go talk to Khalil.
- Just don't okay.
[playful music.]
"How to come down from a shit-ton of energy drinks.
" [laughs.]
Do you want to come up here? It's so much fun.
I feel like I've five again! Seriously.
Come on! You need to drink this water and flush your system.
I'm not thirsty.
- Beverley, drink - [giggling.]
- Hey.
- Drink the water.
[lively rock music.]
Drop down.
You're gonna give me 20 push-ups.
One.
Two.
48.
49.
50.
Holy fuck, Bev.
I think what we're gonna have to do and I hate to do it is just slap the energy drink right Oh.
I feel calmer.
We're gonna quietly sneak you out of here, okay? And we're just gonna get right in the car, we're gonna leave, and I'm gonna call him back and and just let him know that, you know, you weren't feeling well, and - It's really hard to - Bev, no talking.
- Okay.
- Great.
Thank you.
Okay, all right, coast is clear.
I don't think anybody's gonna see us.
Perfect.
All good to go Bev? Bev? Fuck! Here you go.
- Thank you.
- A nice little pinot.
Lovely.
Thank you.
It is so good to see you.
It is so good to see you too.
We don't get to do this nearly often enough.
No.
I was just thinking the other day about how great our times were on "Step by Step.
" It's like the best time of our lives.
- It was fun, um - Mm-hmm.
I mean, you know, of course, now it's new career for me and you're a mom.
Oh, yeah, right, no.
Definitely best time yeah, best time of my life, being a mom, for sure.
But wouldn't it be great to just get the gang back together again? What do you mean, like a like a Christmas party with everybody or What about if we did something like a reboot? Of the show, of "Step by Step"? Yeah.
I think about it all the time.
[laughs.]
I have literally never ever thought of that.
Really? No.
Okay, well, I had a little meeting the other day over at a network.
And, um, they seemed really interested.
Oh.
I already talked to Suzanne.
She wants to be in it.
- Really? - Yes.
- [laughs.]
- I mean, just think about it.
I think we could do this.
Well Wouldn't it be great? Yeah, it would be super fun.
- Great! Really? - Yeah, hell yeah.
- Of course.
Yeah.
- Okay, great.
Yes.
The only thing would be, if I were to do it, no Patrick Duffy.
Um, what? I don't want to get into the specifics, but there was just kind of an incident, and we just basically haven't talked since then.
I mean, the fans are basically gonna say, like, "Well, where's the dad?" You know, you write around it, right? You know, Frank disappears.
And then we just don't explain it.
I totally see where you're going with that.
Okay.
Good.
Yeah.
This is gonna be great.
Yeah, what a fun thing to just kind of - think about and - Right? And then if it happens [laughs.]
How great.
Yeah.
And if it doesn't, no big deal.
Yeah.
No, it Right.
[club music playing.]
[indistinct chatter.]
Ever since I was young, I had this thing about strength.
- Oh.
- So that's why I have all these different metals in here.
I just love it! The materials alone.
- Yeah.
Yeah.
- And how many materials.
- I mean, I just love - Hi! Hi.
The composition, and everything is just so - How are you? - Jodie.
Hi.
- Good to see you.
- How are you? Jod have you been hiding her from me? Should I be? [laughs.]
No, she's amazing.
I thought she'd be, like, this total, like, homebody, but no, she's so much fun! Oh, no, she's she's a live one.
I just had to meet the man who built this beautiful house.
Yes, you did.
You just had to.
I did.
I just had to.
I'm sorry.
Well, I am gonna go get some water.
- Would you like some? - I would love water.
- Probably love some water.
- Can I get sparkling water? - I just love the bubbles.
- I-I will get you the bubbles.
I like all the sparkly stuff.
- I like the bubbles.
- A lime, even.
Oh, yes.
The bubbles I just like I love bubbles.
So I wanted to tell you, I saw you earlier in your sunflower dress Aw.
And you were, like, buzzing around like a busy little bee.
And you wiped off the counter over by the bar.
- Yeah, I mean, I just - Thank you so much.
- You know what? - You don't understand what that means.
It is one of my biggest pet peeves when people come to my house and just, like, leave their crap around.
I mean, come on, have a little class.
- I cannot stand - That is the people who just don't clean up after themselves.
- That is the absolute worst.
- I mean, it's so simple.
Some people just don't get it.
My pride and joy is my marble in there.
I don't have kids, I don't know if I'll ever have kids, but that marble is my baby.
For someone to just come in and treat it any kind of way, like, not saying I'd kill you, but you are dead to me.
Because you clearly don't know how to take care of anything.
I mean, that's ridicu [tense music.]
Is there, like, a plate or something? Oh, well.
[in slow motion.]
Oh, God.
Move.
Move! [glass shatters.]
[crowd gasps.]
Ow.
[glass clinks.]
Oh.
Look at my little broken Bev.
I made a total fool of myself.
This is not that big of a deal.
In fact, I have a little silver lining here to this dark cloud of yours.
The producer, he actually called me this morning.
He wants to cast you in this new pilot that he's doing called "Robo-Mom.
" [playful music.]
Wow, like, I could be the next female Tom Cruise like in "Mission: Impossible.
" I could do all my own stunts.
Like, I could jump out of airplanes.
I went through a plate glass door.
You didn't really go through it.
You you bounced off of it.
I shattered that door.
After you bounced off of it.
You're really lucky that you have, like, such a badass friend.
Like, I could save you, like, if if stuff went down.
[laughs.]
Do you have a head injury? I think you have a head injury.
So I talked to the network.
- Uh-huh? - We're all set.
Everything's getting approved.
We just have, like, a few fine details just to iron out.
- I am so proud of you.
- You, Suzanne, you know.
We're getting the gang back together.
I actually wasn't sure that any of this was gonna happen.
Yeah.
Hard to sell it.
- And then you did it.
- Well [chuckles.]
Thanks for making it all work.
Hey, I do what I can.
I know.
I trust you.
[laughs.]
- Cheers.
- Thank you.
- Congratulations.
- [laughs.]
- Oh, guess what.
- What? I thought of a couple other ways Mm-hmm? to get rid of the Staci character.
- Mm-hmm? - Yeah.
- Lakin.
- Ah, speak of the devil, huh? Ha, Sta here she is.
I didn't know you were gonna Ha, what is You didn't know I was gonna be here? You asked me to lunch.
- I did.
- Oh, Christine.
Yeah.
Okay, guys, - can we just - Really, you did this? [stammers.]
Will you just hear me out for a second, please? Staci, please, sit, please.
We have a very big opportunity here.
All right, the network is ready to go on this bad boy.
And the only thing that is holding us up is the fact that you two, for some unknown reason, have decided not to speak to each other It's not an unknown reason.
You keep denying it, Patrick.
Well, I didn't do it.
That's why I deny it.
Why are you so upset? What did he do? He made me think that I had a relationship with Luke Perry - [scoffs.]
- Who I had a huge crush on.
I think that we've been having this thing over the phone where we basically fell in love for, like, a month.
I go up to him, start making out with him.
He has no idea who I was.
I had nothing to do with that.
Patrick, you were his friend.
I know I'm his friend.
Oh, come on, Staci.
I might know what happened.
[laughs nervously.]
It's funny, really.
Oh, you're both gonna laugh.
So, uh, you might remember that Brandon Call and I had a little war going on about who could be, like, a better prankster.
So I might have paged you over the course of a month to pretend I was Luke Perry.
It's really See how that worked? It's, um [clears throat.]
Christine.
It's hilarious, really, when you think about it because, you know [laughs nervously.]
You see this? Is this laughing? - No.
- It's not funny.
Staci, I'm sorry.
I'm sorry too, Patrick.
Well, I'm just happy that we can, um, mend fences here together today.
- Can you give us a minute? - Yeah.
- Just the two of us? - Okay.
So we're in for the reboot or out? I just need to know, like - We'll talk.
We'll call.
- Okay.
Well, I'm I'm really glad that you two are really Just call me, you know? Don't page me.
[laughs.]
It's a bad joke.
All right, I'm gonna - Staci? - Go.
Aw, sweetie, oh.
- Oh, my God.
- This is actually the exit.
This is the way to the exit.
I have to Okay.
It's still a good idea.
- It is.
- And we don't need Lakin.
- No, no.
- No.
I have it.
Canoe accident.
- Kill the bitch.
- [both laugh.]
Yeah, that's So Patrick pitched a new reboot and apparently my character is getting killed off.
You kind of fucked that one up Christine! I think reboots are so hot right now.
What can we remake from the 90's Out of This World? - Aaaah! - Right, woooo, waahh! Golden Girls? I would be Rose, obviously! I think she'd be a better Rose? What do you mean? I think she's a little more Rose.
So who am I supposed to be? Blanche? You've got the Southern thing You guys don't need to fight over it! See, that's totally a Rose thing to say! Aaaah!