Kingdom Hospital (2004) s01e06 Episode Script

Richard, you sound pretty damn overconfident for someone who's new at this.
I don't think you know how easy it is to start pouring it down your throat again when you're on the road.
- By the way, are you in yet? - Yeah, my plane just landed.
- Landed where? - Oh, I'm in a place called Lewiston, Maine.
- You need a meeting? - No, I'll be fine, jack.
- I really have it beat this time.
I really do.
- You sure? - Well, it's been 30 days, so no worries, okay? - Be careful.
All right.
Look, I'll tell you what.
If I get thirsty, I'll give you a call.
- Sure? - Yeah.
Keep the plug in the jug, Richard.
Richard? - No, I will, I promise.
Yeah.
- Same time tomorrow? - Yes, same time tomorrow.
- Okay, take it easy.
Bye.
Thank you.
Impeccable credentials, right? The Kingdom Hospital board and the insurance companies will have no reason to squawk now.
- Dean Bertram Swinton.
- Real pleasure, Dr.
Schwarzton.
- Nice to meet you.
- Here, let me take that.
Oh, thanks.
- So good to see you again, Richard.
- Good to see you.
Now, you may tell the powers that be at Kingdom Hospital that Richard Schwarzton knows more about fault-free earthquakes than anybody.
Living or dead.
He knows his California Cabernets, too, but that's another story.
To spirits of all kinds.
A tragic accident.
Suffering horribly.
So I did the humane thing and put him to sleep.
Shhh ! What's that? Bobby do you hear her? Mama, please Oh Have it your way, snout man.
Die a slow, painful one.
Oh I wish, I wish I, uh I wish I could share in your festivities, but there is a child, a little child in terrible trouble.
- I might have heard her.
- Mama, he didn't hear anything.
Please, you must take me to Mr.
Rickman now.
He knows that child's name, and we have got to help her immediately.
Mrs.
Druse, I spoke to Mrs.
Rickman concerning you, and she's considering it, but - We can't just - Oh! But you I can't wait.
She Okay.
That's all right.
I'm going to go.
I'm going to go, and I am going to find her myself.
Bobby! Mama Mama? "White coats.
" Steg! Just the man I'm looking for.
Carry on.
- More earthquakes.
- Not a concern, Steg.
The university and the medical board are bringing in a professor of plate tectonics from California to fix the problem.
Good news, though.
The earthquakes appear to be confined to the hospital premises.
They don't seem to affect the surrounding community at all.
Well, that would be good news if we were working in the surrounding communities and not here.
Can you see it? Desire.
Lovelorn obsession for the lovely Lona.
Find someone your own age.
I work with your father, I like my job, and I don't date children.
Steg, look what I didn't need that in Boston.
Warlocks never painted death threats on my car there.
You've been very bad, Steg.
The whole Kingdom is talking about how you stormed out of surgery after your patient coded.
Idiots can't even anesthetize patients.
Instead they have talking heads on monitors, Operation Morning Air, the keepers all these infantile eccentricities.
I can't bear it, Brenda.
If the Mona complaint becomes a lawsuit, the keepers have a way of keeping each other safe.
Not another word about Mona.
Except one well, maybe two.
Thank you.
For? For spoiling me, and destroying the Klingerman anesthesiology report.
I spilled coffee on it.
Oo-oo-oops.
Voila.
Dead Ringer.
What? You know, sometimes, a guy's just got to set the world on fire, hey, Rolfie? I wonder if there's a nice bottle of rubbing alcohol around here and a match? Yes.
I'll get you the director of the California Institute of Technology's seismological laboratory, President of the Center for geophysics research, head of the theoretical and computational seismology group I'm not allowed to have alcohol, but I don't want to seem rude.
Could you bring me some ginger ale in a flute glass for the toast? Thanks.
Right away, Sir.
If that little girl if she was a patient here, we could look up her records, and we'd find out what happened to her.
Mama we don't even know her name.
Here, boy! I've got to find Blondi.
Here, boy! Well, we're going to room 426.
Mr.
Rickman's room.
Mama, no, I can't be a part of that.
I need to help Otto find Blondi or we'll both be drawing unemployment again.
"Nat, don't go.
"The pyro has murder in his eyes.
"Just look at him.
" Mrs.
Rickman I think it's time you had a night of real sleep in a real bed.
No! Are you sure he'll be okay? "No, I won't be okay.
"Don't leave.
" His vitals are fine, and we've also got a visual on him.
All right.
I could use some clean clothes.
You, um you could use this place any time you like.
It has more amenities than the on-call room or the doctor's lounge.
I think I might take you up on that, unless I knew you were using it yourself.
Ooh I'm just coming off another relationship, which was kind of complicated.
That, and Work.
No sleep.
- I just don't think - I know what you mean.
Zombies can't trust their feelings.
Should we? Well, that figurs.
No rest for the wicked.
"I need you.
I just can say it.
" Chris.
"I need you.
I just can say it.
" Hook.
I was told a Dr.
Fulcher was injured in some heathen initiation ceremony? Oh, I'm sure you'll be fine.
Just don't make any sudden movements.
And hope that the guy in charge is not barking mad.
Coming? To our host, Dean Swinton and above all to Dr.
Schwarzton, who so graciously agreed to help Kingdom Hospital solve our I detest the word "earthquake.
" - Seismic irregularities.
- Yes, yes, better.
Ooh, ooh, how about mild irregularities.
No, wait! Regular irregularities, that's it.
And I know Dr.
Schwarzton will provide us with a perfectly rational scientific explanation for these completely normal abnormalities, and sunlight, reason, and Morning Air will return once again to the patients and the staff of Kingdom Hospital.
Hi, neighbor.
Looks like we'll both be up and around in no time.
Come with me.
Venerable elders, beloved brothers and sisters, comes now a worthy one who would be faithful to us and to our Kingdom.
Keep, keep, keep, keep keep, keep, keep, keep, keep, keep, keep, keep keep, keep, keep.
The lucid beams of science will shine their light and chase away our fears of darkness and disorder.
The uneasy ground will rest easy once more.
Let us raise our glasses and welcome Dr.
Richard Schwarzton To Bates College, to the fine city of Lewiston and the great state of Maine.
Here, here! Thank you.
Where did that little bitch go to now? I was right behind her.
So she took him with her.
How nice.
If you kill him now, he'll be stuck in between, just like her.
Could be fun.
Get busy.
Rub two sticks together if you have to, or just pour it down his throat.
Do you solemnly swear allegiance to our Kingdom and its keepers? I so swear.
Do you solemnly swear allegiance to the physical sciences and enmity to the occult and the supernatural in all its forms? I so swear.
Keep, keep, keep, keep, keep, keep, keep, keep, keep, keep, keep, keep I'll make Lona so sorry.
Oh, I got here as quick as I could.
This is such a shame.
This hasn't happened since - well, since the last century.
- 1999, Fulcher.
- There she goes again! - Who? Druse! Now, what brain-dead compound idiot admitted her this time? Afraid I did, Steg.
Hook and Chris had a look at her, too.
Obvious paresthesia.
Brenda, you go after her, take her back to her room, tie her down to her bed with four-point restraints.
Now, Steg, I've admitted the poor woman for a week for observation.
I think that's reasonable.
When they're done patching you up, do rejoin the keepers upstairs.
The rest is just fellowship and festivities, no more rituals.
Oh, well, I'm so grateful.
Oh, one more thing, Steg.
The Klingerman's lawyers are sniffing around for a copy of that anesthesia report.
Some rumor about her blood pressure, and you not listening to the anesthesiologist.
Now that little Mona has permanent brain damage Oh, that's neurosurgery.
You rummage around in a person's brain, sometimes things happen.
- You know that.
- I do.
But I need to satisfy the lawyers that there is no legible copy of that anesthesia report.
Copy? Lona's on duty in the sleep lab.
Just give her the bag and tell her : "Elmer said it was the only solution to his philosophical problem.
" - What are you talking about? - Just do it.
Now the infernal elevators don't work either.
Where have they taken the children? Hey, Sonny, what's up? This is from Elmer.
He says he's sorry, but it was the only way.
I want nothing from Elmer.
Yeah, well, he asked me to give you the bag.
You tell Elmer to come get his present.
He obviously hasn't gotten the message.
Psst! - She got it.
- Did she open it? - No.
- Wh wh why not? I don't know.
- Can I go back to bed now? - No! I I talked to Dr.
Traff about trying this rotation instead of surgery.
He thinks this place might be more my cup of tea.
You know, nurses must learn to, uh - stand the sight of blood some time.
- I know.
Just not this week.
Okay, hang your coat over there.
What's what's in this bag? "There, there, you'll be fine.
" Mary your name is Mary.
What's your last name? Who are you? "I'm headed in now.
" Antubis! What the hell is it? Antubis.
He cures and kills.
I've seen him do both.
Is there a way to tell which one he has in mind at any given moment? That depends.
On? You.
What kind of a creature is he? He eats disease.
He likes to be scratched behind the ears.
He's horrible.
Beautiful.
"I do you a solid.
"You do me a solid.
That's the way it works.
" Do something! Help him! Without him, we'll both die.
He's lost a lot of blood.
It's worth a try.
"Where's your head at".
It's working.
It's called "doing a solid.
" Hurry up, Rolfie.
It's almost daylight.
- The old lady's in the can.
- Well, torch them both.
Two for the price of one.
Mary, please help.
I'm looking for a boy named Paul.
He was under strict orders to stay in the pain room until the experiment was completed.
Where is that pesky young assistant of mine? Mary, where are you? We've got a code red in 426! Code blue! I'll phone you if I'm thirsty.
I'll phone you if I'm thirsty! Help me! No! No! "Better get on over to the King Hotel and pickup a shaker.
"Sounds like alcohol hallucinosis, possible DTs, maybe other drugs involved.
" 10-4.
"Carrie Von Trier to ER waiting and receiving.
" "Carrie Von Trier to ER waiting and receiving.
Hi I'm Dr.
Traff.
We're coming in hot, Kingdom.
This guy's ready grand mal on us.
We can't give him any benzos.
His med-alert bracelet says he's allergic.
"Copy, 19.
" Who's there? Who is it? Who's there? Who is it? Hello? No.
No! No! No! Oh, no! Go away! Stay away! "I'll call you if I get thirsty!" "I'll call you "if I get thirsty!" Adaptation : Lama