Lastman (2016) s01e06 Episode Script

1
Are you with the girl?
Yes, I
This is what her dad
gave her to get better.
Fantastic!
I was thinking about real medicine,
to find out if it's a virus,
a bacteria or a tumor.
Here you go
It all adds up to 6000 dolls.
You can swipe your card
right here.
Don't you rip me off, prick!
Who's the prick?
The best doctor in Paxtown
or the guy who decided
he didn't need insurance?
Come on, take a deep breath
and swipe your card
Prick.
Do the tests. I'll pay in cash.
And add that to my bill
Prick!
LASTMAN
THE STRANGER
Teeth, so many teeth.
Oh shit, drinks are on me!
Shots for everyone!
No drinks during your shift.
So, M. Richard Aldana
wants me to loan him 6000 dolls?
What for?
For a sex-change?
I need it now.
Is it a "yes" or a "no"?
It's a "yes", of course!
You know how it works?
I do something for you,
you do things for me.
Like break your nose a third time?
Watch out or you can kiss
your vaginoplasty goodbye.
Can you drive?
My little sister has a date
with her future husband,
Carlo Barzini.
The Holy Father chose him.
It's a good match for them
and for our families.
You'll be chaperoning my sister.
- What's the catch?
- There is no catch
Except that Tracy
doesn't want to get married
and she's also
the worst pain in the ass in the family!
Understood?
So, there are three rules
to follow with my sister:
Let her talk,
tie her up if you need to,
and never, ever take your eyes off her!
Capiche?
- I want my dough right now.
- No, later.
I do, however,
need to be blown right now Maria!
You're still here? Get going!
What are you staring at, loser?
They want to marry me
to a dude I've never seen.
That's messed up, right?
I'm just your driver.
We've all got issues.
I have my own problems.
Yeah,
like a blatant lack of balls, right?
Your family's such a lovely bunch.
Can't wait for you to deliver
a litter with Barzini.
I won't go to this stupid date.
Goddammit!
Let me go, you prick!
Help! Rape!
OK, now you either calm down
or you travel in the trunk!
Oh yeah?
The trunk of what car, asshole?
Why is life such a fucking bitch?
Darn it, what do we do now?
I'll be late for the ball.
Don't you worry, princess,
I'll find you a coach.
My ass hurts!
And I swallowed a fucking fly.
You should save your appetite
for the restaurant.
I'm a vegetarian, goddammit!
What a pain in the ass!
Sorry officer
Thank you, officer!
I was being kidnapped.
You saved my life.
You broke my side-mirror, bitch!
And this is for the extra paperwork
you're giving us, you slut!
Are you OK?
Sorry?
Thank you, douchebag
- Is that what you need?
- Oh no.
Oh no!
Good luck to you!
What's this?
Vivaldi,
have you ever seen anything like this?
Yeah, in a horror flick.
It reminds me
that I have to call my ex-wife
Great Elect Vivaldi speaking.
I've got to talk to the master.
LASTMAN
THE STRANGER
Sorry I was late.
I had to get rid of him
Hold on
I know where to hide
Oh, fuck
Sorry to disturb you
Does that prick
work for your brother?
Yeah.
Hey, do I know you?
Aren't you on some TV show?
Leave Tracy alone!
I imagine Harry
doesn't know that
That I love women?
Do you know how my family
deals with gay people?
They kill them.
I get it:
Your family's close-minded
and you don't want to marry that guy.
But I'll tell you about my problems.
I haven't slept in two days.
There's a little girl waiting for me
at the hospital,
To cure her,
I need a loan from your brother
and to get it,
I need to drive you somewhere.
Can't you
just come to the restaurant
and eat your ribeye?
I'm a vegetarian.
Let me take you to that date.
I get the money,
you eat tofu or whatever,
and then I swear
I'll get you out of this.
Were you serious
about the sick girl?
No.
Too bad they don't make them sturdier.
Vivaldi!
I don't understand,
she was here 5 minutes ago.
My gaydar's so broken.
I heard there were boxers
That's because you're straight.
It's much easier
for us to spot gay people
How could the Holy Father
be so sure I'll like that chick?
I think I'll be fine
with this gentleman.
It's a fucking miracle!
We've been trying
to marry her off for years!
She was being picky
The Holy Father
has some kind of radar for these things.
Hey,
that's actually how he met his wife
You know the interest rate:
50% every month.
- Yeah!
- Annabelle Chang.
Is your little girl at Central Hospital?
Yeah, why's that?
It's burning down!
LASTMAN
THE STRANGER
- There she is.
- What are you doing?
Damn.
Let's finish the job
What?
That's impossible!
No
Siri!
Freeze, asshole.
Siri's heart has stopped.
She needs this.
- Who the hell are you?
- I'll tell you later
Teeth, teeth
Teeth, teeth
Teeth
If it's a lie,
there won't be any "later".
We'd better go.
Can you carry her?
Yeah, I
Goddammit!
There are rumors of an armed squad
that has allegedly killed
dozens of people,
perhaps as a form of protest
against the health insurance bill.
Thank you for Siri.
Had you turned up earlier
I wouldn't owe someone 6000 dolls,
but thanks.
Howard Howard McKenzie.
McKenzie?
Like Dave McKenzie?
Dave was my big brother.
My condolences.
Rizel
It was Rizel
He's not dead.
Something protected me
Something that's very powerful
Master Your hair
He became too powerful.
We'll need allies.
To be continued