Life & Beth (2022) s01e06 Episode Script

1 Ah, cha cha cha In the pampa Next.
Nonfat latte with an extra shot for Ann, A-N-N, apple Nancy Nancy, Ann.
Thank you.
This sweater is amazing.
No.
Beth.
What? What? Am, your drink is ready.
Am.
- What happened? - Nothing, nothing.
- Who's dead? - No, no.
No one Whose house is this? Are they dead? No, no.
No one's dead, okay? No one's dead, okay? Relax.
Oh, well, that's not true.
So many people are dead.
- You said it was an emergency.
- Everyone's fine.
The emergency is that I lied, and there is no emergency.
- I just couldn't get you - You are an asshole! - I I know.
- Our mom just died! No, no, look, I felt sick doing it, but there's no way - you would've come otherwise.
- when there isn't an emergency? It could have been Dad.
- I had no other choice.
- It could have been anything.
- You wouldn't have come.
- Where are we? Okay.
We're shh.
Come here.
- What? - This is John's, all right? The farmer guy, you know? I just I really no, no, I'm sorry.
I wouldn't have dragged you out here.
I just I really need your opinion on him.
Like, I'm about to like, you know? Okay, but why didn't you ask Maya? She's being really judgmental about the fact that he has a girlfriend.
- He has a girlfriend? - Shh! - Shut up.
Yes.
- Mom! - I am not Mom.
- You're acting like I'm not acting like I'm going for what I want, okay? - Don't call me Mom.
- That's why I'm saying No.
I'm too old to like, you know.
Just Look, I really like him.
Like, last night I freaked out on him.
Yeah? After we had sex on this guy's lawn.
Do you even hear yourself? And he still invited me over today.
- Okay.
- You know? Yeah, I do know.
You're acting like you.
I'll stay only to make sure he's not a murderer.
- Jesus - I'm not a murderer.
Oh, my God.
Hi.
Hi.
I assume you're talking about me, right? - No.
- Oh, my God, no.
Do you live here? Is this you? Yeah.
That's why I came out with a watering can and I'm watering these plants here.
- 'Kay.
- I'm John.
I'm Ann, Beth's sister.
- My sister.
- Cool.
Wanna come inside where I won't murder you? Yes.
Wow.
I'm really glad you're here.
Take a seat.
I usually sit in that chair, so maybe don't sit there.
Okay.
I like your maps.
Thanks.
Yeah.
I found them in the dump.
It's really interesting to see how changes in population affect the physical characteristics of a place.
Mm.
Yeah.
How it evolves.
- Yeah.
- It's like global warming.
It's so sad.
But, like, what can we do? Stop buying plastic bottles.
This was a gift.
Where's your TV, though? I didn't see it in here.
Oh, it's probably in here, right? Sorry, I don't have a TV.
A lot of people don't have one.
Skylar doesn't have one either.
That's his friend who's, like, ten years old.
Oh, wow, Miles Davis.
That's James Baldwin.
Right.
Can I talk to you outside for a second about last night? It's pretty buggy out right now.
Yeah, no we could go talk in the car or even, like, in the room back there.
Just Is there something you don't want Ann to hear? Do you think you're whispering? Yes.
Do you have a girlfriend? I think we wanna know if you have a girlfriend.
That was not my question.
Actually, I broke up with Katie this morning.
Oh, my God.
I'm so sorry to hear that.
No, I'm not.
That's amazing.
Oh, my gosh.
I'm so glad about that.
Yeah, me too.
Um, how'd it go? It was okay.
I texted her and I said I didn't think we were a good fit.
And she sent a thumbs up, so I think it's fine.
So you just broke up with your girlfriend just like that? No, not just like that.
I really don't think she even liked me.
I don't think she ever saved me in her phone.
Okay.
Well, that's very clarifying.
Yeah, cool.
I mean, should we like like, have a drink and celebrate your loss? I have some gin from Kyoto.
We love gin from Kyoto, right? Cool.
I also have a bowl.
Does anyone have weed? No.
Oh, but I have mushrooms.
- You do? - Yeah, they're in the car.
'Cause I've been growing them.
Not in the car, but they're yeah.
Mm-hmm.
Okay, Pablo Escobar.
No, it helps with anxiety.
I like mushrooms.
I'd eat mushrooms.
- Great.
- Great.
- Great.
Cool.
- Yeah.
Okay.
Should we do some mushrooms and go out on my boat? - Yes.
- Uh, your boat.
Let's go on a boat.
You're okay.
Look at me.
Don't look down, honey.
Don't look down.
Look at Mommy, sweetheart.
You're okay, sweetie.
- We're getting help.
You're okay, sweetie.
Yeah, you're gonna need some stiches.
I don't wanna go on the boat.
Yes, come on.
We're going on the boat.
Listen, it's statistically impossible for you to get hurt on a boat again.
- Right.
But - And I like him for you, and I don't want you to ruin it by following your dog-shit instincts, okay? We'll be right there, John.
Whoa, I'm out here just doing my best.
You came at me out of nowhere.
I'm not coming at you.
Two seconds, John.
Just some sister stuff.
No, I'm being efficient.
Look, you fully lied to get me out here to help you and only you, like usual.
- Okay.
- I have a life.
Okay, do you, though, have a life? - Yes! - I mean, no, you basically just lock yourself in your apartment all day.
And I would never say that to you, though, because I'm a good sister, and I'm a kind person.
We'll be there right in one minute, John.
- Yeah, one second.
- Just hang on.
That's why I don't talk to you, because I can feel you wishing that I was someone else.
I just wanna feel like you like me.
Ohh! That is such a fucking you thing to say.
You don't know anything about my life! Because you don't tell me anything.
I'm over here trying to get close to you again.
Great.
So you're in the mood to feud with me today while I'm here doing you this favor? We'll be right there! - It's just gonna be - one minute, John.
- We just gotta It's just quick.
We'll be right there.
I got something in my shoe.
You came at me out of nowhere, okay? - And tomorrow can be about - I'm trying to help You.
But today is about me.
Coming right now, John.
Well, maybe today's about me, bitch.
I'm also I'm gonna come too, John.
I'm here, John.
All right.
- Maybe you should - No, in there.
Okay.
Okay.
I got it.
I got it.
- You good? - Ooh.
Yeah, she's got it.
How'd you get that scar? My scar on my leg? Boating accident.
Is that a joke? No, really.
Boating accident.
Yeah, it was actually kind of like right around here.
Yeah, it was not far.
I've been thinking about that a lot, actually.
You think Dad was drunk? I don't know why he wouldn't have been.
Well, this will be fine.
We're not gonna go fast.
We'll go real slow, and it won't be scary at all.
Anybody order some mushrooms? These look amazing.
- Thank you.
- These look big.
This isn't going anywhere.
I'm, like, chewing and chewing, but Last chance should we maybe just go hang at your house? - No.
- Okay.
Cool.
Feels like we're on a jet plane.
We're going like 5 miles an hour.
Knots.
We're on the water, so it's knots.
Whoo.
I mean Oh, my God.
What do you want when you die? Right.
No, I know you asked me that before.
I I don't want to be dead.
- I don't wanna be dead either.
- What do you want? I wanna be shot out of a cannon.
I'm not shooting you out of the cannon.
Come on.
Well I'm gonna have Nick Cannon perform at your funeral.
I hate what Mom's funeral was.
Ugh.
It sucked.
John, are your parents dead? My dad's alive, but we have a pretty chilly relationship.
- Oh, that's sucks.
- Yeah.
We haven't talked in a couple years, actually.
You should call him.
We see each other every morning for coffee, but we just haven't spoken in years.
That actually sounds ideal.
Hey, do you have, um, another rod? - I'd like to fish.
- Yeah.
- Let me set one up for you.
- You're gonna fish? - Yes.
- Okay.
I wanna fish too.
- I got it.
- I want a rod too.
Yeah, 'cause there's another one.
- You want one too? - I want one too.
Ahh! This is so exciting.
- You take Bluey.
- Okay.
Okay, I'm actually pretty scared.
Don't be.
So just take your finger.
- Okay.
- And hold the line.
I'm so scared of everyone's hook.
- Just give it a flick.
- Oh, wow.
- Oh, my gosh.
- And then lock it up.
That was so pretty! Oh, my gosh, okay.
That worked.
Lovely.
- Whoo! - Yeah! - Okay.
- That was beautiful.
And at some point, it's gonna be really fun.
I feel it right now.
Don't you feel it right now? I'm feeling the fun.
I like her.
She's a good fisherman because she's a model.
I'ma couple up with him 'cause he can really set a great lure.
- He's got good chat.
- He's from Liverpool.
Good bait.
You don't know what we're talking about, do you, John? You need a TV.
Oh, man, we watched so much TV growing up as kids.
- We barely watched any.
- Oh, man.
God.
You're missing so many good shows.
Yeah.
Botched in Rome.
Love Island is what we were just doing.
We love Love Island.
Um, I like Alone - Oh, Alone.
- Naked and Afraid.
I like to watch tennis.
- Okay.
- Okay.
Yeah.
What was school like for you? Like, growing up? I was actually the only kid in my fourth-grade class.
- Really? - Oh, God.
You're the smartest kid in your class.
And the dumbest.
I got really close with my teacher, Mrs.
Benson.
I bet.
She was your only friend.
I called her "Mom" once but, uh, - she was really cool about it.
- Oh, my God.
There should be a show about teenage girls - and what they go through.
- Yeah.
Yeah.
Like who will survive? Oh, God.
Totally.
Just the bullying alone.
Bullying is intense.
What were you bullied about? Um, being Jewish.
Uh, my hair.
Your hair? How 'bout Bullies: Where Are They Now? Ooh.
Ooh, yeah, I'd watch that.
Actually, I don't even really wanna know.
Oh, I wanna know.
I wanna know right where - Amanda Houlihan is right now.
- Yuck.
- Evil.
- Horrible.
Oh, God.
- Evil.
- Jillian Foss.
Oh, that little cunt.
- Good name.
- Right? John, do you remember any of your bullies' names? I was never really bullied.
Really? You missed out? - Never? - No.
I mean, sometimes kids would throw condoms filled with pee at me.
That's bullying.
Why would they do that to you? I don't know.
I mean, when I was a kid, like, 12 or 13 or something, I used to pee myself a lot.
Like, I would be outside playing, and I wouldn't wanna go in, so I would just go.
Sometimes kids would pee in my lunchbox too.
I'm sorry.
- Um, that's it's not funny.
- That's horrible.
It's fucked up.
Yeah, I guess it is.
I-I don't really think about it a lot.
Yeah, you were bullied it sounds like worse than us.
Yeah.
But, like, they became my friends later on when we older.
Ooh.
Oh, my God.
- Oh, my God! - Oh, I think I caught a fish.
- Oh, my God! - Oh, my God.
What do I do? - John, what does she do? - What do I do? What do I do? - What does she do? - What do I do, what do I do? - What do I do? What do I do? - Here, reel it in.
- Reel it in.
Reel it in.
- Oh.
Oh.
Oh.
Oh! - Reel it! - I caught a fish! - We did it! - Oh, my God! - Oh, my God! - You caught a fish! Oh, the best moment in my life! Oh, my God.
Of anybody's life.
- You fish.
- Oh, no.
- I caught a fish.
- You little fish.
The fish hook is in my finger.
Oh, God.
Oh, fuck.
Um, okay.
Are you okay? No, I have a fish hook in my finger.
Right.
Okay.
Oh, God.
Does anyone have any, like, popcorn right now? If someone could cut the hook with these pliers, I can push it through.
- No! - No, no one's doing that.
Do we have a radio? We could radio for help.
Yep, I've seen it a million times.
What are we gonna do? Okay.
What should we do? Should we call your dad? - Why would we call my dad? - I don't know.
I don't know.
I'm, like very much on mushrooms.
Like, is everybody else, like, on mushrooms? Yeah, I'm feeling the mushrooms.
We should probably call my dad.
- He might know what to do.
- Shut the fuck up.
- Okay, no, everybody - Let's start Drive us back.
Can you drive us back to the shore? Yeah, I probably need a quick sip of that gin.
Okay! Um Why do you have a fucking cooler? - I can still save him! - Oh, my God.
No, you're not driving.
You're injured.
Please, just move over.
- No, no, come in the middle.
- No, move over.
- Okay.
- Oh, fuck, it's a stick shift.
Shit, Annie, do you know how to drive stick? - Fuck no! - I can drive.
No, you're not driving.
You're injured! Okay.
Put on my seat belt.
Okay, I haven't driven a stick shift for like a million years.
- You got it.
You got it.
- Got it? It's just like riding a bike.
Oh, shit! Sorry.
Whoo! You good? - Me? - Yeah.
Yeah, why? Where'd you get that carrot? My pocket.
Do you want one? I have another, but it's white.
You know, white asparagus is white because it's grown in the dark.
You just have random vegetables just in your pockets? They're not random.
I grew them.
Can you chew just just a little more s-soft? A little less.
I can't chew it any more quietly.
It's so loud.
- Red light! - Oh! Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.
I'm so sorry.
I'm gonna walk.
Annie, I'm sorry that happened.
Annie.
I gotta get Mack back to the water! What the fuck are you talking about? Annie, you don't know where you are! What the fuck? Should I go get her? Ann knows what she wants to do.
Just let her go.
Yeah.
You mean, like, just just love her the way she is, right? Yeah, I don't know.
Can we go to the hospital? Yeah, totally.
Okay.
Ooh.
Okay.
Shit.
Oh, fuck.
It's loud.
- Okay.
- Good driving.
- Okay.
- Oh.
- Come on.
- I'm coming.
- You okay? - Yeah.
Me? Hi, can you help us? Sure.
What brings you in? Uh, we were on this boat, you know? - It's a Boston Whaler.
- Right.
Beautiful Boston Whaler.
Well, a Whaler.
And, uh, and Ann caught a fish.
Yeah, my sister.
She, like, I've never seen her this happy before.
She was, like, glowing.
- I mean, wouldn't you say that? - Yeah.
- She's not usually like that.
- I'm sorry.
What brings you in? His hand.
There's a fish hook in it.
Yeah, I see that.
- Follow me.
- Yes.
Okay.
We'll follow her.
Okay.
Do you think they'll have to amputate? Want a Honeycrisp? What? - Apple.
- Oh.
Thanks.
Hello, folks.
Is this your wife? No.
I'm I don't know.
What am I, John? I'm, you know, we I guess you could technically say we're work associates.
Maybe you can work that out later.
Excuse me, are you old enough to do this procedure? You look, like, really young to me.
Well, to be honest, this is, uh, the first time I've removed a fish hook.
Are you on any medications or substances I should know about? I took some Tylenol this morning.
And we're high on mushrooms.
Not a whisper.
He doesn't know how to whisper.
He can't whisper.
Okay.
Here's the procedure.
Uh, I'm going to use these pliers to cut the hook, then I'm gonna pull the hook out of your finger.
That's it? That's what I wanted to her to do.
Wait, wait, wait.
Tha that's Okay.
Hold on.
Is this gonna hurt him? Is it, you know, should he be put under for this, o-or should I have an opioid if-if that's available to me? - It's not necessary.
- Can we just do it? Yeah.
Okay.
Just do it.
Okay.
- Here we go.
- Okay.
And Almost done.
Is it happening? And done.
Oh, my God, there's barely any blood.
- That's crazy.
- Yeah, that's it.
- That's it.
- Okay.
Yeah.
Just, um, you know, keep the finger clean.
Soap, water, Band-Aids.
Yana's gonna wrap you up.
And uh, any more questions or Yeah, I do, um Doctor will he ever finger again? Okay.
Just wrap it.
Got it.
It must feel good to be home.
Are you gonna be okay, uh, by yourself? - I think I can manage.
- Okay.
Okay.
Um, no, I wanna stay here.
I would like to stay here with you and, um, keep moving toward hopefully being in a relationship.
No, that's not even true.
I want you to be my boyfriend right now.
W-would you be my boyfriend? - Yes, I'd like that.
- Yeah? And you'll, in return Well, I'll be your girlfriend.
Great.
Looks like Johnny boy wasn't on the market too long.
What? Should I make us some tea? No, can you get the gin? Yeah, I'll get it from the truck.
Yeah.
Okay.
You're wearing my clothes.
Thank you.
I know.
Which side of the bed do you wanna sleep on? Dealer's choice.
Okay.
I'm going left.
- Left if you're - Yeah.
Like, over here if you're facing it.
Here, you can take the pillow.
No, I'm not gonna take your only the pillow.
- It's fine.
I don't need it.
- Okay, fine.
Thank you.
I can always sleep.
I can't.
You told the doctor that we were on mushrooms.
I can't lie.
You can't whisper.
I can whisper.
Do it.
Hi.
I really like you.
I really like you too.
I don't like your boat.
Okay.
And you need a TV.
- Okay.
- Okay.
Oh, that reminds me, can I read you this section for our local paper? - Yeah.
- It's called Bargain Barn.
Okay.
People list items for under $100.
Okay.
So these items are all for sale.
Keep that in mind.
Okay.
For sale under $100.
Full leg cast in two pieces, autographed by Mike Bossy of 1984 New York Islanders.
- No.
- $25 or best offer.
Open to trades.
Pre-K to college-level homeschool curriculum DVD Blu-ray set $100.
Wheelbarrow, green, needs a new wheel, $30.
30-inch lawn tractor, good condition