LOL: Last One Laughing Australia (2020) s01e06 Episode Script
There Can Be Only One
1
♪♪
Now, this game is tricky.
It is complicated.
And at this point,
I have to make
some tough calls.
Throughout the game,
there's been maybe one player
just not being as active
as they could have been.
So, unfortunately,
it's a red card for you, Naz.
-No worries.
-REBEL: Yeah.
NAZ: Well,
thank you very much, guys.
-Well, considering what
your face looks like.
-Well done, guys.
-Thank you.
-Thank you, Naz.
[sighs]
What happens now?
Now, for you two,
the rules of this game are
that there can only be
one winner.
-Okay.
-REBEL: Half an hour to go
-Right, okay.
-To declare the winner.
Good luck.
-Thank you, Naz.
-No worries.
♪♪
What do you want to do?
FRANK: I just want to take
30 seconds out to just regroup,
maybe have a cup of tea.
SAM: Okay, I'm gonna go wee.
I'm gonna go wee.
Oh, I feel weird.
-I wanna be
-Okay, can you have a wee,
and then I'll have a wee,
'cause I need to do
a wee, too.
All right.
We're both going there
together, Sam.
NAZ:
What goes on in there
is so different
to what you think.
Feels like the weirdest party
I've ever been to, like,
it looks like an apartment
that you'd probably go to
a friend's place,
and it's got drinks
and snacks
and all sorts of
fun looking things.
But no one throws shit
at each other at a party.
-[groans]
-Frank! Catch.
-Ooh!
-What?
People aren't pulling out
fake dicks,
and waving them
in people's faces.
Ugh!
This was the strangest
six hours
of my entire life.
♪♪
-[toilet flushing]
-SAM: Come on, now.
It is real relief,
'cause you're like,
it's we're comin' home.
We're comin' home now.
Oh, no.
What am I doing?
SAM:
I know I make Frank laugh.
Fuck!
So I'm like,
I'm gonna make this happen.
It's gonna happen, Frank
FRANK: Sam's just,
like, shock and awe.
Can I compete with Sam
and keep generating material?
♪♪
FRANK: Oh, my goodness.
It's the final countdown ♪
JOEL CREASEY:
The final 30 minutes
looked feral.
Feral, feral, feral.
It's gonna take a long time
to wipe that from my memory.
Frank and Sam
head to head.
We've got half an hour to go.
-Are we ready?
-Are we starting again?
Yeah.
♪[trumpet fanfare]
We're off and running.
[beeping]
FRANK:
I'm making a cup of tea.
SAM: All right,
you make a cup of tea.
Would you like me to
make you a cup of tea?
No, I'll be fine,
I'm just gonna stand by
and watch you make
the cup of tea.
Sam, from straight
out of the gates,
he's outrageously creative,
and very hard to
disengage from.
What goes on over here?
This is where the bloody
This is where the science
happens.
-This is where
the science happens.
-Oh, I see.
-If you heat that up
-So the science comes out
in there, right?
Yeah.
Sam was just hitting me with
this litany of nonsense.
-Perhaps
-Ey! Yeah?
Pita lo lara porrig
Pita lara polygram.
Pita lara ponigrams.
[overlapping gibberish]
-Yeah.
-[gibberish]
[overlapping gibberish]
And he was getting
right into my face.
He may get sad
when Ryan got an onion
[laughing]
It feels like someone
trying to clobber you over
the head with silliness.
-I can't even look at you
-[gibberish]
-Raymond
-Spent Spanish.
-Stop getting so Spanish.
-Raymond. Spaymond.
SAM:
Uh, look, if you are
up in someone's face,
I mean,
it's quite aggressive.
Oy, look at me.
Look at me.
Like, aggressively silly.
-Ah! Ahh!
-Lick that sphincter.
Ahh! It's a
It's a sphincter, right?
-I thought it was a doughnut.
-Oh, okay.
SAM:
I think silly's beautiful.
It's the purest form
of comedy.
Lick that doughnut
like it's a sphincter ♪
Like it's
a kind of sphincter ♪
And I think if you're
gonna do comedy,
you should be
in touch with that stuff.
REBEL: Oh, Nazzie!
-[applause]
-Welcome, mate.
-Oh, this is weird.
-Come and sit here,
come and sit here.
-So weird. It's so weird.
-Well done.
NAZ: Thank you very much.
How weird do you feel?
-Oh, I'm I'm exhausted.
-I know. I know.
Like, Sam is so weird,
and Frank is so
I I can't
Like, most of you guys
were like
on the attack at all times,
we're really like
big and I like
I can't do that.
-That's what got ya.
-Yeah.
These two mentals
fucking go for it.
-Yeah, yeah, yeah.
-You're a bit chilled out.
SAM: All right.
[indistinct singing]
Oh, my God.
[indistinct]
Oh, Jesus.
[gagging]
That felt good.
[beeping]
People ♪
Who need people ♪
SAM:
We're just doing anything
to make each other laugh.
The luckiest people ♪
There was madness going on,
and there was desperation.
Ajax me arsehole ♪
Make it nice and clean ♪
Ajax me arsehole ♪
Guvnor,
come and have a look ♪
Ajax me arsehole ♪
Come and make it clean ♪
Ajax me arsehole, guvnor,
let's go have a look ♪
Ajax me arsehole ♪
Make it real clean, hey! ♪
Ajax me arsehole ♪
Make sure it ♪
Hey, get outta there!
What the hell was that?
-Jesus Christ!
-What are you doing?
-What are you doing?
-[laughing]
-Frank, what are you
-Frank!
That is perfect.
What are you doing?
You don't need to bloody
put the bloody Morning Fresh
up there.
Jesus Chri
Morning Fresh
up your farter ♪
Makes you do
fart bubbles ♪
[lips pop]
-Sam.
-Yep?
-Can we have a serious talk?
-Yeah, we can,
but that feels rank
hazing me arsehole.
I was really worried
at that point
that I was so
mentally fatigued
that I would just
drop my guard.
No, I want to have
a serious talk, mate.
-We had some fun.
-Yeah, go for it.
-We had some laughs.
-Yeah.
But I think now's the time
to try to
maybe be
a little bit more sensitive
to each other's needs.
No, man, I'm totally with ya.
-Yeah, okay.
-Yeah.
I'm looking into his eyes,
I'm thinking,
in the spirit of the game,
I have to keep looking into
his eyes.
So, I've been feeling
a little bit lately
-Yeah?
-Like you, um
You know,
you don't appreciate
what I do around
No, I've been
I've been at it
I've been trying really good
to try and be
-the best I can be here.
-Now, come on, Sam.
But luckily,
just at that moment,
he started doing
this weird thing.
Don't fuck off with
Don't fuck with me.
Don't fuck with me, mate,
'cause
No, don't you fuck with me
'cause I'll come down there
and fuckin I'll I'll
Is Sam going cross eyed
to stop from laughing?
-Yeah, maybe.
-Yeah.
FRANK:
He didn't realize that that
that was my saving grace
at that point.
I'm gonna fuck it all up.
You fuckin' put me in a corner,
I'll fuck my way out of it.
Yeah, that's typical of you.
-[laughing]
-This is like
two drunk uncles.
Yeah.
Don't you start with me,
I know how to fuck on, mate.
-Bonjour!
-What, you don't
-Bonjour!
-Don't fuckin' French
come down on me, mate.
-Bonjour!
-I know what the fuck
you're tryin' to do here.
Yeah, all right.
[beeping]
Oh, don't use your dildo
to make a cup of tea,
'cause latex is toxic and
it'll make you kind of sick.
SAM:
I can win this. Definitely.
Definitely.
I've just gotta maintain
the face and not smile.
That is good dick tea.
-Good dick tea?
-Yeah, yeah.
SAM:
My strategy is to
think about dead kids.
That's the worst thing
I can think of is dead kids.
And it's not funny,
it's just dead kids.
What's goin' on with
Dead kids, dead kids.
Got some Pam over there ♪
Dead kids.
It doesn't look like much
but it's dick residue.
-Yeah.
-And it gives it a nice
sort of salty flavor.
-Yeah, I reckon I like
the sound of
-The dick tea.
-[indistinct]
-Stop it.
-Look at
-Look, Sam, I don't want to
get into that kind of, uh
These things
-I am
-You can lick my teeth
if you want.
Oh, I don't want to
lick your teeth.
Let me have a have a little
bloody muck around in here.
FRANK: All right.
All right,
he didn't want to get into
that kissing thing.
What's going on bloody there?
♪♪
Um, oh Help!
-Hey! Stop that!
-FRANK: Yeah, okay.
-Alrighty.
-SAM: Stop that right now!
It's all good.
Stop it, Frank,
stop it.
-Don't.
-People ♪
-Don't.
-People who ♪
-Stop it.
-Treat this like a baby ♪
-God, that makes
-Are the most tired
and desperate people ♪
On this side of the room ♪
Don't. I'm like a little boy
just holding my dick.
-Stop it.
-Hold your little dick,
little boy.
Don't, Don't.
You're making me feel
really strange
about this right now.
Let's come together
and hold our dicks
'cause it's comforting.
No, it is comforting
as when you were little
and you're feeling awkward
about stuff,
but I don't need you to
make me feel like that
right now.
FRANK: No, but it's not,
it's like
just feels like
we're bonding.
[laughs]
FRANK: If If we If we
we're really sincere,
-and we make sure
that we don't
-Stop it.
We're not mean about it,
we could hold each other's
dicks,
-it would be comforting.
-Yeah, I'm fine with that,
but you don't need to
make me feel weird about that.
-But no jokes about it.
-I'm fine with it.
-Do you
-I don't know if
I can trust you,
because I'd want to know
that you can do it in
a comforting way,
but I don't want it to be
part of this stupid show.
But I don't know what
you're worried about
if I'd go there.
Well, you'll make it into
a joke.
[laughing]
-Frank.
-Right.
He'll make it into a joke.
There's some similarities
between Frank and Sam,
both very physical and
both a bit absurd.
It just sort of
came down to this like
weird, face to face
kind of
offering of each other
weird things.
That's But that's
I just
Know I just want to
comfort you.
-Forget it. No, no, no.
-No, no, comfort me,
-comfort me.
-Forget it!
-I gave you an opportunity
-Comfort me!
Get in there and comfort me!
-Just don't worry
-No, no. It was gonna be
a nice moment,
-I don't wanna
-We're just two guys
-Relax, man,
we're just two guys
-Look at what you've done.
It doesn't matter!
We're just two men,
-we know each other.
-No, I know.
-No, listen to yourself.
-Hey, if you feel weird
about it
-Get in there and comfort me!
-[laughing]
-Okay
-Comfort me by
holding my dick!
[laughing]
What's wrong with that?
What is wrong with that?!
Well, it's it's
it's too aggressive,
-and now I don't trust you.
-No, it's not!
Okay, if it makes it
easier for you,
I'll just be over here
going like this.
-Okay.
-All right?
-And I'll be over
-I'll just be going with that,
and if you just happen to
brush past me
and something
happens, it's fine.
-[laughter]
-REBEL: Oh, they're searching,
they're reaching deep.
FRANK: Oh, and I'll just be
over here going
-Bonjour! Bonjour!
-Okay, I'll just be
looking the other way,
like, oh, what's going on
over there?
-FRANK: Okay.
-And if you just happen to
walk past me,
and you grab my dick,
it doesn't matter.
-It just It doesn't matter.
-[grunting]
She was a good "lei."
-[laughing]
-Funny.
Frank!
-Yeah, right.
-It's a pun but
it's something.
-Yeah, yeah, I got ya.
-It's a contribution.
-It is something.
-That was
That was horrible,
like
[grunting]
Who wants
Nobody wants to look at that.
I should have done it
the way I really actually do
have a sexual interaction,
and then it would have been
I think more
much more touching.
I should have just gone
♪♪
Oh, yuck, man,
it's disgusting.
-Was it?
-Yeah, yeah, a little bit.
-Okay.
-That was worse.
[laughing]
SAM: It was worse.
That was worst than
the violent, uh, penetration.
I didn't feel good
about that, either.
[beeping]
All right, guys, here we go.
It's the final five minutes.
Don't give up, Frank.
Don't give up.
DILRUK:
This is it, this next
five minutes is huge.
NICK: One of 'em
are gonna walk away with
$100,000.
REBEL: These two have not let
the energy drop,
and it's going down to
the wire.
FRANK: Everything
looks like a penis.
-This looks like a penis
-SAM: What's Oh!
-This looks like a penis.
-Why has it turned to this?
This looks like my penis,
specifically.
Why has it turned to this?
FRANK:
I thought
I knew I could do it.
-Hey.
-Yeah?
Who wants to rub this
into their eyeballs?
Yeah, well, why not?
Why not? I mean, we've
Well, I don't.
I have no interest in
doing that whatsoever.
Yeah, fair enough.
Basically, I just thought
this is the
now, you've just
got to dig
It's weird, I don't want
to sound like
it's like I'm running a marathon
in the Olympics or something.
What's happ
What are you doing?
Just this for a little while.
Why, what does that mean?
Not sure.
But I just had to
dig deep and just
keep trying to bring an idea.
Shut shit.
You shut shit, shit lips!
Bring an idea.
Bring another idea.
Bum nose.
Anus nostrils.
I don't even know
what that means.
So, yes, he said something,
say yes to it.
Try to, you know, use it
against him.
Nipple nape,
nipple nape.
Nipple nape,
nipple nape.
What's going on there,
nipple nape?
Touch me on
my ping, ping,
touch me on my go
Come and touch
my sphincter
It's glowing like a rose
Glowing like a rose
What the fuck is this now?
Juggling, don't laugh,
don't laugh,
try to be funny.
Don't laugh,
try to be funny.
Don't laugh,
try to be funny.
Like a complete
mental head.
All right, this is
What the fuck is going
Oh, Jesus.
Has it come to this?
I'm looking for something,
there's got to be something.
He's putting a bag
over his head.
If you could suffocate
to death, that would
really help me
at this point.
[babbling]
Funny little fart noises.
Listen to the fart noises.
[shouting]
[laughing]
BECKY: I wonder if Sam will
ever watch this back.
He should be for
You should force him
to watch every second.
All right.
Ah, ah!
ANNE: No, no!
Ah! Oh God!
Oh, God! Why?
Why?
How can a man compete
How can you
compete with that?
With a man giving birth
to little bum eggs?
That's fucking funny.
Sam's not somebody
that's going to let you
have a lot of opportunities
to go after him.
Yeah, that really, and
also they were really fast.
They came out because
of the Palmolive.
-That was impressive.
-They were fully lubed.
It's so satisfying, actually,
those bum eggs thing.
But then you don't want
to give Frank Woodley
a chance to step in
and take over.
He's too good,
he's too funny.
And he's funny in such
a variety of ways.
Oh, and you can do it,
you can also have it
come out in a variety of
They were in your bottom,
they were in your anus.
Oh!
Anus lips, anus lips.
Who do I call to say I
need someone to wipe
anus juice off my face?
[laughing]
-You got anus juice cleaner?
-They are anus lips.
What?
They are, seriously.
You've got anus lips.
Anus lips.
Do you know, are you
aware if there's
Do you know if there's
a lever that you pull
if you get your anus
juices on my lips?
When?
There must be some
sort of emergency
I've got Sam's Anus Juice
on my lips.
I don't think that's
been going on there.
Found ourselves
in a pickle.
Pick-a, pick-a pickle.
Rebel, what do I need to do
if there some sort of
emergency anus juice
on my lips issue?
It was just a little
bit of Palmolive.
No way out, all right.
[beeping]
Okay, all right.
Sam and Frank,
the last men standing.
-Oh my God.
-It's a real show down here.
It's unbelievable.
Oh, my all right.
Thinking in about five,
ten years
we're going to look back
on those last two minutes
and think, "That was mental."
[Sam whining]
[both whining]
Those two, they were
in another dimension.
Just descending
into madness, really.
[babbling]
Oh, it's going mental.
It's going mental.
Are you
I really want to know ♪
[babbling]
Oh my God, who
is going to win?
[beeping]
Are you okay?
[gags]
Don't let go.
First one to let go has
to leave the house, okay?
I'm out of here.
Hey, who's your
favorite actor
who's got the name Fuckston?
Trout Hank and Fuckston.
Yeah, he's my favorite too.
Who's got a little
Carol Merkin?
I've got a little
Carol Merkin?
All right, guys,
here we go.
It's the final
ten seconds.
Let's count it down.
10, 9
Grubbing up
my ghoulies.
-8, 7
-For a Wednesday in the sun.
Six, five.
-Ah! Ah! That's stuck on there!
-Four!
Three, two, one.
Woo!
[alarm blares]
REBEL: Guys, give them
a round of applause.
Woo!
Wow.
Now a hug is in order.
Wow.
Only one of them
can win the 100 grand.
Which is brutal.
Both of them have been
just fucking brilliant.
I feel like a shell.
I feel like a shell.
Siren sounds, by
this point it's relief.
It is real relief.
I've got such strange
tastes in my mouth
of all the strange things
You've been putting
shit in your mouth all day.
[laughs]
You've been dedicated.
We could laugh,
we could smile.
-This this was sublime.
-Yeah, I know. It was great.
Which was nice.
Nice to smile.
It's too funny.
It is funny.
It is funny.
[laughs]
I've never been involved
in anything as
psychologically
taxing and demanding
as this game.
This is by far
the most intense
creative thing that
I've ever been.
By far.
You know, the great thing
is I can honestly say
if they make you the
winner, I'm wrapped.
-I feel exactly the same way.
-And if they make me the
winner, I'm happy.
-I feel exactly the same way.
-I have no problem.
Frank was a was a
really fierce competitor.
I mean, he played
the game beautifully.
If it comes down
to who gave the most
Yeah, but it's not.
Because like I was shoving
stuff up my ass.
When I put the balls
in my mouth,
I did think
You know.
Where has it gone?
It's right up my farter.
-It's awful.
-I thought, this is comedy.
This is the great
clowns of history
have done this.
If I had to bet
who would win,
I feel like it was 50-50.
If what it's going
to come down to
is the number
of ideas that
were given,
I think Sam will win.
But if there's
other issues
like the variety
of types of ideas,
or how much I'd taken
other people's ideas
and added to them,
then I think I might
have the advantage.
Frank was hilarious.
I'm scared.
I'm actually really worried.
This was your game.
You've been really good,
and courteous, and kind.
I've been a cunt.
Berel! Berel!
Gentlemen.
-Yay!
-Woo!
SAM: Berel! Berel!
Those two
They just look physically,
mentally,
spiritually
in a bad place.
Brutal.
[laughing]
And I'm blown away
that they've lasted
six hours in that room.
It's just nuts.
-Unbelievable.
-Wow.
-Oh, appreciate it.
-Unbelievable.
You guys are amazing.
We don't want
to touch you.
Okay, well done, guys.
Wow over these
six grueling hours,
you have been
the two best players.
[cheering]
You've both worked
extremely, extremely hard,
but the rules of this game
are that there can
only be one winner.
You can't give it
to one or the other
based on effort.
Sam was the most
attacking player.
Never stopped.
-Fuck off!
-Stick it in me!
[shouts]
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
That dog would
be dead now.
Sam's strategy
should be applauded.
He's got a cock jacket.
Dressed as a schoolgirl
at one point.
Spritz his arsehole!
Swimming around
in a soft drink.
Very good.
He was an onslaught
of idiocy
from the minute
the game started.
Delrock, I can't get
me centerlink.
The best crafted stupidity
you'll ever see in your life.
Daddy's got
his nappys on ♪
Sam Simmons played hard
for six hours.
[babbling]
Feel the burn!
And I can still hear
his voice in my mind.
[babbles]
Frank was definitely the most
versatile person in there.
Njorgden.
[hoots like a chimp]
Elvish Presley.
He could be big and crazy.
[screaming]
And he could also be
quieter and subtle.
There's just a bunch of
shit jokes in here.
NAZEEM: Was genuinely almost
making everyone laugh
a lot of the time.
She's widely
considered to be ♪
-One of
Australia's comedians ♪
-[stifles chuckle]
Frank was hilarious.
He played with people.
[screams]
BECKY: He got involved in
what people suggested.
-Kangaroo impression.
-SAM: Yeah, all right.
-ANNE: Oh, stop!
-BECKY: As well as bringing
his own stuff to the table.
I would, like, kind of
fist-poke my nanas.
Oh, for God's sake.
That was called
the Nana Gloves.
The advantage
Frank had over Sam
was that his attacks kept,
kind of, being varied.
To be honest, either
of them winning seems fair.
So
the player
that has displayed
the most strategy,
the most versatility
and, in the final moments,
came home the strongest
the winner of $100,000,
and the inaugural title of
The Last One Laughing,
is
Frank Woodley!
[cheering]
Francois!
Hurts, but The best!
Frank, congratulations.
-I I get it.
I get it.
-You played so well.
-I get it.
-REBEL: You played so well.
-Hey, Frankie!
-FRANK: I should give, uh
REBEL: Wow.
100,000, man.
Oh, my God.
Frank's an adorable man,
and I totally get why he won.
Thank you.
And it hurt!
So, guys, here's to our
Last One Laughing champion
Mr. Frank Woodley.
[cheering]
Congratulations!
Whoo!
It's totally ridiculous.
We have all, like,
taken a running jump
into humiliation.
Come on in, boys!
-NICK: Dude.
-ANNE: Don't do it!
-[hisses]
-[screams]
SAM: Where the fuck
is your dignity, mate?
FRANK: Everybody has been
so fearless,
and it's been extremely
fucking weird.
[all laughing]
SAM: Boob stuff!
Ah! Ah!
ED: Bathe the Simmons!
[screams, cries]
I mean, to be in that last,
kind of, stand-off with you
Stop it.
Oh! Oh!
Ajax me arsehole ♪
They were in your bottom,
they were in your anus.
that was I don't know
that I will ever recover
from that, Sam.
It was full on.
I really enjoyed our spending
the time with all of you guys.
Every one of you.
Part of my strategy
was to piss myself internally,
but just have, like,
a stroke around the facial area.
-[laughing]
-That was so, so clearly
an unhealthy exercise.
[all laughing]
But we got through,
and, uh, here's to us!
[cheering]
REBEL:
Congratulations, Frank!
[music playing]
[cheering continues]
I can't quite believe it,
but as it turned out,
apparently
last one laughing.
[muffled scream]
Want more LOL?
Check out the X-ray feature
on your screen
for tons of
bonus content.
♪♪
Now, this game is tricky.
It is complicated.
And at this point,
I have to make
some tough calls.
Throughout the game,
there's been maybe one player
just not being as active
as they could have been.
So, unfortunately,
it's a red card for you, Naz.
-No worries.
-REBEL: Yeah.
NAZ: Well,
thank you very much, guys.
-Well, considering what
your face looks like.
-Well done, guys.
-Thank you.
-Thank you, Naz.
[sighs]
What happens now?
Now, for you two,
the rules of this game are
that there can only be
one winner.
-Okay.
-REBEL: Half an hour to go
-Right, okay.
-To declare the winner.
Good luck.
-Thank you, Naz.
-No worries.
♪♪
What do you want to do?
FRANK: I just want to take
30 seconds out to just regroup,
maybe have a cup of tea.
SAM: Okay, I'm gonna go wee.
I'm gonna go wee.
Oh, I feel weird.
-I wanna be
-Okay, can you have a wee,
and then I'll have a wee,
'cause I need to do
a wee, too.
All right.
We're both going there
together, Sam.
NAZ:
What goes on in there
is so different
to what you think.
Feels like the weirdest party
I've ever been to, like,
it looks like an apartment
that you'd probably go to
a friend's place,
and it's got drinks
and snacks
and all sorts of
fun looking things.
But no one throws shit
at each other at a party.
-[groans]
-Frank! Catch.
-Ooh!
-What?
People aren't pulling out
fake dicks,
and waving them
in people's faces.
Ugh!
This was the strangest
six hours
of my entire life.
♪♪
-[toilet flushing]
-SAM: Come on, now.
It is real relief,
'cause you're like,
it's we're comin' home.
We're comin' home now.
Oh, no.
What am I doing?
SAM:
I know I make Frank laugh.
Fuck!
So I'm like,
I'm gonna make this happen.
It's gonna happen, Frank
FRANK: Sam's just,
like, shock and awe.
Can I compete with Sam
and keep generating material?
♪♪
FRANK: Oh, my goodness.
It's the final countdown ♪
JOEL CREASEY:
The final 30 minutes
looked feral.
Feral, feral, feral.
It's gonna take a long time
to wipe that from my memory.
Frank and Sam
head to head.
We've got half an hour to go.
-Are we ready?
-Are we starting again?
Yeah.
♪[trumpet fanfare]
We're off and running.
[beeping]
FRANK:
I'm making a cup of tea.
SAM: All right,
you make a cup of tea.
Would you like me to
make you a cup of tea?
No, I'll be fine,
I'm just gonna stand by
and watch you make
the cup of tea.
Sam, from straight
out of the gates,
he's outrageously creative,
and very hard to
disengage from.
What goes on over here?
This is where the bloody
This is where the science
happens.
-This is where
the science happens.
-Oh, I see.
-If you heat that up
-So the science comes out
in there, right?
Yeah.
Sam was just hitting me with
this litany of nonsense.
-Perhaps
-Ey! Yeah?
Pita lo lara porrig
Pita lara polygram.
Pita lara ponigrams.
[overlapping gibberish]
-Yeah.
-[gibberish]
[overlapping gibberish]
And he was getting
right into my face.
He may get sad
when Ryan got an onion
[laughing]
It feels like someone
trying to clobber you over
the head with silliness.
-I can't even look at you
-[gibberish]
-Raymond
-Spent Spanish.
-Stop getting so Spanish.
-Raymond. Spaymond.
SAM:
Uh, look, if you are
up in someone's face,
I mean,
it's quite aggressive.
Oy, look at me.
Look at me.
Like, aggressively silly.
-Ah! Ahh!
-Lick that sphincter.
Ahh! It's a
It's a sphincter, right?
-I thought it was a doughnut.
-Oh, okay.
SAM:
I think silly's beautiful.
It's the purest form
of comedy.
Lick that doughnut
like it's a sphincter ♪
Like it's
a kind of sphincter ♪
And I think if you're
gonna do comedy,
you should be
in touch with that stuff.
REBEL: Oh, Nazzie!
-[applause]
-Welcome, mate.
-Oh, this is weird.
-Come and sit here,
come and sit here.
-So weird. It's so weird.
-Well done.
NAZ: Thank you very much.
How weird do you feel?
-Oh, I'm I'm exhausted.
-I know. I know.
Like, Sam is so weird,
and Frank is so
I I can't
Like, most of you guys
were like
on the attack at all times,
we're really like
big and I like
I can't do that.
-That's what got ya.
-Yeah.
These two mentals
fucking go for it.
-Yeah, yeah, yeah.
-You're a bit chilled out.
SAM: All right.
[indistinct singing]
Oh, my God.
[indistinct]
Oh, Jesus.
[gagging]
That felt good.
[beeping]
People ♪
Who need people ♪
SAM:
We're just doing anything
to make each other laugh.
The luckiest people ♪
There was madness going on,
and there was desperation.
Ajax me arsehole ♪
Make it nice and clean ♪
Ajax me arsehole ♪
Guvnor,
come and have a look ♪
Ajax me arsehole ♪
Come and make it clean ♪
Ajax me arsehole, guvnor,
let's go have a look ♪
Ajax me arsehole ♪
Make it real clean, hey! ♪
Ajax me arsehole ♪
Make sure it ♪
Hey, get outta there!
What the hell was that?
-Jesus Christ!
-What are you doing?
-What are you doing?
-[laughing]
-Frank, what are you
-Frank!
That is perfect.
What are you doing?
You don't need to bloody
put the bloody Morning Fresh
up there.
Jesus Chri
Morning Fresh
up your farter ♪
Makes you do
fart bubbles ♪
[lips pop]
-Sam.
-Yep?
-Can we have a serious talk?
-Yeah, we can,
but that feels rank
hazing me arsehole.
I was really worried
at that point
that I was so
mentally fatigued
that I would just
drop my guard.
No, I want to have
a serious talk, mate.
-We had some fun.
-Yeah, go for it.
-We had some laughs.
-Yeah.
But I think now's the time
to try to
maybe be
a little bit more sensitive
to each other's needs.
No, man, I'm totally with ya.
-Yeah, okay.
-Yeah.
I'm looking into his eyes,
I'm thinking,
in the spirit of the game,
I have to keep looking into
his eyes.
So, I've been feeling
a little bit lately
-Yeah?
-Like you, um
You know,
you don't appreciate
what I do around
No, I've been
I've been at it
I've been trying really good
to try and be
-the best I can be here.
-Now, come on, Sam.
But luckily,
just at that moment,
he started doing
this weird thing.
Don't fuck off with
Don't fuck with me.
Don't fuck with me, mate,
'cause
No, don't you fuck with me
'cause I'll come down there
and fuckin I'll I'll
Is Sam going cross eyed
to stop from laughing?
-Yeah, maybe.
-Yeah.
FRANK:
He didn't realize that that
that was my saving grace
at that point.
I'm gonna fuck it all up.
You fuckin' put me in a corner,
I'll fuck my way out of it.
Yeah, that's typical of you.
-[laughing]
-This is like
two drunk uncles.
Yeah.
Don't you start with me,
I know how to fuck on, mate.
-Bonjour!
-What, you don't
-Bonjour!
-Don't fuckin' French
come down on me, mate.
-Bonjour!
-I know what the fuck
you're tryin' to do here.
Yeah, all right.
[beeping]
Oh, don't use your dildo
to make a cup of tea,
'cause latex is toxic and
it'll make you kind of sick.
SAM:
I can win this. Definitely.
Definitely.
I've just gotta maintain
the face and not smile.
That is good dick tea.
-Good dick tea?
-Yeah, yeah.
SAM:
My strategy is to
think about dead kids.
That's the worst thing
I can think of is dead kids.
And it's not funny,
it's just dead kids.
What's goin' on with
Dead kids, dead kids.
Got some Pam over there ♪
Dead kids.
It doesn't look like much
but it's dick residue.
-Yeah.
-And it gives it a nice
sort of salty flavor.
-Yeah, I reckon I like
the sound of
-The dick tea.
-[indistinct]
-Stop it.
-Look at
-Look, Sam, I don't want to
get into that kind of, uh
These things
-I am
-You can lick my teeth
if you want.
Oh, I don't want to
lick your teeth.
Let me have a have a little
bloody muck around in here.
FRANK: All right.
All right,
he didn't want to get into
that kissing thing.
What's going on bloody there?
♪♪
Um, oh Help!
-Hey! Stop that!
-FRANK: Yeah, okay.
-Alrighty.
-SAM: Stop that right now!
It's all good.
Stop it, Frank,
stop it.
-Don't.
-People ♪
-Don't.
-People who ♪
-Stop it.
-Treat this like a baby ♪
-God, that makes
-Are the most tired
and desperate people ♪
On this side of the room ♪
Don't. I'm like a little boy
just holding my dick.
-Stop it.
-Hold your little dick,
little boy.
Don't, Don't.
You're making me feel
really strange
about this right now.
Let's come together
and hold our dicks
'cause it's comforting.
No, it is comforting
as when you were little
and you're feeling awkward
about stuff,
but I don't need you to
make me feel like that
right now.
FRANK: No, but it's not,
it's like
just feels like
we're bonding.
[laughs]
FRANK: If If we If we
we're really sincere,
-and we make sure
that we don't
-Stop it.
We're not mean about it,
we could hold each other's
dicks,
-it would be comforting.
-Yeah, I'm fine with that,
but you don't need to
make me feel weird about that.
-But no jokes about it.
-I'm fine with it.
-Do you
-I don't know if
I can trust you,
because I'd want to know
that you can do it in
a comforting way,
but I don't want it to be
part of this stupid show.
But I don't know what
you're worried about
if I'd go there.
Well, you'll make it into
a joke.
[laughing]
-Frank.
-Right.
He'll make it into a joke.
There's some similarities
between Frank and Sam,
both very physical and
both a bit absurd.
It just sort of
came down to this like
weird, face to face
kind of
offering of each other
weird things.
That's But that's
I just
Know I just want to
comfort you.
-Forget it. No, no, no.
-No, no, comfort me,
-comfort me.
-Forget it!
-I gave you an opportunity
-Comfort me!
Get in there and comfort me!
-Just don't worry
-No, no. It was gonna be
a nice moment,
-I don't wanna
-We're just two guys
-Relax, man,
we're just two guys
-Look at what you've done.
It doesn't matter!
We're just two men,
-we know each other.
-No, I know.
-No, listen to yourself.
-Hey, if you feel weird
about it
-Get in there and comfort me!
-[laughing]
-Okay
-Comfort me by
holding my dick!
[laughing]
What's wrong with that?
What is wrong with that?!
Well, it's it's
it's too aggressive,
-and now I don't trust you.
-No, it's not!
Okay, if it makes it
easier for you,
I'll just be over here
going like this.
-Okay.
-All right?
-And I'll be over
-I'll just be going with that,
and if you just happen to
brush past me
and something
happens, it's fine.
-[laughter]
-REBEL: Oh, they're searching,
they're reaching deep.
FRANK: Oh, and I'll just be
over here going
-Bonjour! Bonjour!
-Okay, I'll just be
looking the other way,
like, oh, what's going on
over there?
-FRANK: Okay.
-And if you just happen to
walk past me,
and you grab my dick,
it doesn't matter.
-It just It doesn't matter.
-[grunting]
She was a good "lei."
-[laughing]
-Funny.
Frank!
-Yeah, right.
-It's a pun but
it's something.
-Yeah, yeah, I got ya.
-It's a contribution.
-It is something.
-That was
That was horrible,
like
[grunting]
Who wants
Nobody wants to look at that.
I should have done it
the way I really actually do
have a sexual interaction,
and then it would have been
I think more
much more touching.
I should have just gone
♪♪
Oh, yuck, man,
it's disgusting.
-Was it?
-Yeah, yeah, a little bit.
-Okay.
-That was worse.
[laughing]
SAM: It was worse.
That was worst than
the violent, uh, penetration.
I didn't feel good
about that, either.
[beeping]
All right, guys, here we go.
It's the final five minutes.
Don't give up, Frank.
Don't give up.
DILRUK:
This is it, this next
five minutes is huge.
NICK: One of 'em
are gonna walk away with
$100,000.
REBEL: These two have not let
the energy drop,
and it's going down to
the wire.
FRANK: Everything
looks like a penis.
-This looks like a penis
-SAM: What's Oh!
-This looks like a penis.
-Why has it turned to this?
This looks like my penis,
specifically.
Why has it turned to this?
FRANK:
I thought
I knew I could do it.
-Hey.
-Yeah?
Who wants to rub this
into their eyeballs?
Yeah, well, why not?
Why not? I mean, we've
Well, I don't.
I have no interest in
doing that whatsoever.
Yeah, fair enough.
Basically, I just thought
this is the
now, you've just
got to dig
It's weird, I don't want
to sound like
it's like I'm running a marathon
in the Olympics or something.
What's happ
What are you doing?
Just this for a little while.
Why, what does that mean?
Not sure.
But I just had to
dig deep and just
keep trying to bring an idea.
Shut shit.
You shut shit, shit lips!
Bring an idea.
Bring another idea.
Bum nose.
Anus nostrils.
I don't even know
what that means.
So, yes, he said something,
say yes to it.
Try to, you know, use it
against him.
Nipple nape,
nipple nape.
Nipple nape,
nipple nape.
What's going on there,
nipple nape?
Touch me on
my ping, ping,
touch me on my go
Come and touch
my sphincter
It's glowing like a rose
Glowing like a rose
What the fuck is this now?
Juggling, don't laugh,
don't laugh,
try to be funny.
Don't laugh,
try to be funny.
Don't laugh,
try to be funny.
Like a complete
mental head.
All right, this is
What the fuck is going
Oh, Jesus.
Has it come to this?
I'm looking for something,
there's got to be something.
He's putting a bag
over his head.
If you could suffocate
to death, that would
really help me
at this point.
[babbling]
Funny little fart noises.
Listen to the fart noises.
[shouting]
[laughing]
BECKY: I wonder if Sam will
ever watch this back.
He should be for
You should force him
to watch every second.
All right.
Ah, ah!
ANNE: No, no!
Ah! Oh God!
Oh, God! Why?
Why?
How can a man compete
How can you
compete with that?
With a man giving birth
to little bum eggs?
That's fucking funny.
Sam's not somebody
that's going to let you
have a lot of opportunities
to go after him.
Yeah, that really, and
also they were really fast.
They came out because
of the Palmolive.
-That was impressive.
-They were fully lubed.
It's so satisfying, actually,
those bum eggs thing.
But then you don't want
to give Frank Woodley
a chance to step in
and take over.
He's too good,
he's too funny.
And he's funny in such
a variety of ways.
Oh, and you can do it,
you can also have it
come out in a variety of
They were in your bottom,
they were in your anus.
Oh!
Anus lips, anus lips.
Who do I call to say I
need someone to wipe
anus juice off my face?
[laughing]
-You got anus juice cleaner?
-They are anus lips.
What?
They are, seriously.
You've got anus lips.
Anus lips.
Do you know, are you
aware if there's
Do you know if there's
a lever that you pull
if you get your anus
juices on my lips?
When?
There must be some
sort of emergency
I've got Sam's Anus Juice
on my lips.
I don't think that's
been going on there.
Found ourselves
in a pickle.
Pick-a, pick-a pickle.
Rebel, what do I need to do
if there some sort of
emergency anus juice
on my lips issue?
It was just a little
bit of Palmolive.
No way out, all right.
[beeping]
Okay, all right.
Sam and Frank,
the last men standing.
-Oh my God.
-It's a real show down here.
It's unbelievable.
Oh, my all right.
Thinking in about five,
ten years
we're going to look back
on those last two minutes
and think, "That was mental."
[Sam whining]
[both whining]
Those two, they were
in another dimension.
Just descending
into madness, really.
[babbling]
Oh, it's going mental.
It's going mental.
Are you
I really want to know ♪
[babbling]
Oh my God, who
is going to win?
[beeping]
Are you okay?
[gags]
Don't let go.
First one to let go has
to leave the house, okay?
I'm out of here.
Hey, who's your
favorite actor
who's got the name Fuckston?
Trout Hank and Fuckston.
Yeah, he's my favorite too.
Who's got a little
Carol Merkin?
I've got a little
Carol Merkin?
All right, guys,
here we go.
It's the final
ten seconds.
Let's count it down.
10, 9
Grubbing up
my ghoulies.
-8, 7
-For a Wednesday in the sun.
Six, five.
-Ah! Ah! That's stuck on there!
-Four!
Three, two, one.
Woo!
[alarm blares]
REBEL: Guys, give them
a round of applause.
Woo!
Wow.
Now a hug is in order.
Wow.
Only one of them
can win the 100 grand.
Which is brutal.
Both of them have been
just fucking brilliant.
I feel like a shell.
I feel like a shell.
Siren sounds, by
this point it's relief.
It is real relief.
I've got such strange
tastes in my mouth
of all the strange things
You've been putting
shit in your mouth all day.
[laughs]
You've been dedicated.
We could laugh,
we could smile.
-This this was sublime.
-Yeah, I know. It was great.
Which was nice.
Nice to smile.
It's too funny.
It is funny.
It is funny.
[laughs]
I've never been involved
in anything as
psychologically
taxing and demanding
as this game.
This is by far
the most intense
creative thing that
I've ever been.
By far.
You know, the great thing
is I can honestly say
if they make you the
winner, I'm wrapped.
-I feel exactly the same way.
-And if they make me the
winner, I'm happy.
-I feel exactly the same way.
-I have no problem.
Frank was a was a
really fierce competitor.
I mean, he played
the game beautifully.
If it comes down
to who gave the most
Yeah, but it's not.
Because like I was shoving
stuff up my ass.
When I put the balls
in my mouth,
I did think
You know.
Where has it gone?
It's right up my farter.
-It's awful.
-I thought, this is comedy.
This is the great
clowns of history
have done this.
If I had to bet
who would win,
I feel like it was 50-50.
If what it's going
to come down to
is the number
of ideas that
were given,
I think Sam will win.
But if there's
other issues
like the variety
of types of ideas,
or how much I'd taken
other people's ideas
and added to them,
then I think I might
have the advantage.
Frank was hilarious.
I'm scared.
I'm actually really worried.
This was your game.
You've been really good,
and courteous, and kind.
I've been a cunt.
Berel! Berel!
Gentlemen.
-Yay!
-Woo!
SAM: Berel! Berel!
Those two
They just look physically,
mentally,
spiritually
in a bad place.
Brutal.
[laughing]
And I'm blown away
that they've lasted
six hours in that room.
It's just nuts.
-Unbelievable.
-Wow.
-Oh, appreciate it.
-Unbelievable.
You guys are amazing.
We don't want
to touch you.
Okay, well done, guys.
Wow over these
six grueling hours,
you have been
the two best players.
[cheering]
You've both worked
extremely, extremely hard,
but the rules of this game
are that there can
only be one winner.
You can't give it
to one or the other
based on effort.
Sam was the most
attacking player.
Never stopped.
-Fuck off!
-Stick it in me!
[shouts]
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
That dog would
be dead now.
Sam's strategy
should be applauded.
He's got a cock jacket.
Dressed as a schoolgirl
at one point.
Spritz his arsehole!
Swimming around
in a soft drink.
Very good.
He was an onslaught
of idiocy
from the minute
the game started.
Delrock, I can't get
me centerlink.
The best crafted stupidity
you'll ever see in your life.
Daddy's got
his nappys on ♪
Sam Simmons played hard
for six hours.
[babbling]
Feel the burn!
And I can still hear
his voice in my mind.
[babbles]
Frank was definitely the most
versatile person in there.
Njorgden.
[hoots like a chimp]
Elvish Presley.
He could be big and crazy.
[screaming]
And he could also be
quieter and subtle.
There's just a bunch of
shit jokes in here.
NAZEEM: Was genuinely almost
making everyone laugh
a lot of the time.
She's widely
considered to be ♪
-One of
Australia's comedians ♪
-[stifles chuckle]
Frank was hilarious.
He played with people.
[screams]
BECKY: He got involved in
what people suggested.
-Kangaroo impression.
-SAM: Yeah, all right.
-ANNE: Oh, stop!
-BECKY: As well as bringing
his own stuff to the table.
I would, like, kind of
fist-poke my nanas.
Oh, for God's sake.
That was called
the Nana Gloves.
The advantage
Frank had over Sam
was that his attacks kept,
kind of, being varied.
To be honest, either
of them winning seems fair.
So
the player
that has displayed
the most strategy,
the most versatility
and, in the final moments,
came home the strongest
the winner of $100,000,
and the inaugural title of
The Last One Laughing,
is
Frank Woodley!
[cheering]
Francois!
Hurts, but The best!
Frank, congratulations.
-I I get it.
I get it.
-You played so well.
-I get it.
-REBEL: You played so well.
-Hey, Frankie!
-FRANK: I should give, uh
REBEL: Wow.
100,000, man.
Oh, my God.
Frank's an adorable man,
and I totally get why he won.
Thank you.
And it hurt!
So, guys, here's to our
Last One Laughing champion
Mr. Frank Woodley.
[cheering]
Congratulations!
Whoo!
It's totally ridiculous.
We have all, like,
taken a running jump
into humiliation.
Come on in, boys!
-NICK: Dude.
-ANNE: Don't do it!
-[hisses]
-[screams]
SAM: Where the fuck
is your dignity, mate?
FRANK: Everybody has been
so fearless,
and it's been extremely
fucking weird.
[all laughing]
SAM: Boob stuff!
Ah! Ah!
ED: Bathe the Simmons!
[screams, cries]
I mean, to be in that last,
kind of, stand-off with you
Stop it.
Oh! Oh!
Ajax me arsehole ♪
They were in your bottom,
they were in your anus.
that was I don't know
that I will ever recover
from that, Sam.
It was full on.
I really enjoyed our spending
the time with all of you guys.
Every one of you.
Part of my strategy
was to piss myself internally,
but just have, like,
a stroke around the facial area.
-[laughing]
-That was so, so clearly
an unhealthy exercise.
[all laughing]
But we got through,
and, uh, here's to us!
[cheering]
REBEL:
Congratulations, Frank!
[music playing]
[cheering continues]
I can't quite believe it,
but as it turned out,
apparently
last one laughing.
[muffled scream]
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