Love (2016) s01e06 Episode Script
Andy
1 What the fuck was that? Fuckin' What the Ugh.
Ooh.
- Hello? - Hey.
Sorry if that was strange.
Uh, yeah.
I mean, it was super crazy, but, uh good crazy, I guess.
- Oh, you liked it? - Yeah.
Well, we should hang out.
What's your week look like? Yeah, um Well, I work tomorrow, but I don't really have anything the day after.
I mean, I do, but I'd have to move stuff around, so maybe, like, Thursday.
What about tomorrow night? Yeah.
Uh No, I got like a night shoot thing, so I wouldn't really be able to meet up until, like, midnight-ish.
I'll be up midnight-ish.
Okay I guess I'm just thinking out loud here, is that like a weird time for a proper date? Just, like, call me whenever you're done with work and we'll just hang out.
Uh great.
Well, uh Let's do a midnight-ish hang then, huh? - Okay, bye.
- Bye.
We kissed and then she was like, "Do you wanna meet tonight at midnight?" So that has to be, like, a booty call, right? Something's different about you, man.
Like, you got a whole new swag to you or something, man.
It's your glasses.
Where your glasses at, dude? No glasses.
Contacts day.
All right.
Okay.
- Well, welcome back, confident Gus! - Yeah.
Haven't seen this dude in, like, two weeks.
- I know it's been a while, huh? - Yeah, man.
Got to admit, I got a little pep in my step.
- I see those moves, man.
- See that step? - I see those, killer! Get down.
- Yeah, totally, man.
Cruikshank, from way downtown! Oops! Can't buy a bucket! Sorry, didn't mean to do that.
I got Thanks.
- What's up? - Hey, yo, Wyatt! Get at that hummus, dog.
- Pine nuts on top, very jiggy.
- Mmm.
Hey, Wyatt, uh, so the Lakers won last night, I was thinkin' of ya.
You were thinking of me? That's cute.
- Oh, like, 'cause you like the Lakers - Uh-huh.
and then I saw the Lakers won, so Lot of people like the Lakers, bro.
- Hey, Wyatt.
- Yeah.
You know Gus here wrote a Witchita script, right? You did? He did? You wrote a Witchita spec? - Yeah, for, like, fun.
But, uh - Don't listen to him, don't listen to him.
Not for fun.
For, like, to get a job.
You wanna be a writer? I didn't know that.
Would you wanna read it, or You can send it to me.
I'll try to read it.
- I can take a look.
- You know what? I actually - I got a hard copy.
- Oh.
Yeah.
Ah.
Yeah! You're like a boy scout.
Hey! I was a boy scout.
Hey! That's so cool.
Well, now that everybody's finally here, we can start the meeting.
- Great.
- So, is there any outstanding business? Yeah, I have a couple small things.
But, uh, the main problem is we are just not getting good calls from our listeners.
I don't know why.
So, what I suggest is we start employing some of those in-house, not 100% real calls I don't think we should be doing that.
I just think it's unethical and some of the listeners would be upset if they knew calls were faked.
People don't care if the calls are real.
They care if the advice is real.
You see that, right there? That poster? The show is called Heart Work with Dr.
Greg, okay? Just make the calls.
Hey, Britney, what is new in the world of wardrobe? - Hey, Gus.
- Hey, I don't know if you noticed, but they kinda got the AC cranked on in there and I'm a little chilly.
Do you mind if I borrow a jacket? Sure, but don't spill any food on it.
- Oh, no, I won't.
- Here.
Oh.
You know what? Uh, I kind of like this one.
I think it'd be a little warmer, too.
Mind if I wear this bad Larry? - Sure.
- Yeah? Great.
- Here you go.
- Thanks.
- Don't let anything happen to it! - Oh, of course not.
Ooh! Yeah, I like this.
Feel like Indiana Jones.
Be careful with it.
- Right, thank you! Oop, hey.
- Easy.
I worked with Chace Crawford on this stupid thing.
He said that on Gossip Girl their trailers were, like, super trife.
That's so not surprising.
Warner Brothers is the fucking worst.
Like, I don't even know why They just don't know how to treat their actors.
Yeah, they don't.
Okay, okay, guys.
Come on.
We're getting off track.
Way off track.
So don't let me regret that I said you didn't have to sit in your seats today, all right? - Mmm-hmm.
- Keep it loose, but we gotta focus, all right? All right, what do we got here? "Mitosis.
" Jacob, what's mitosis? Lookin' at you, buddy.
It's a cell and then it splits and then they're, like, exactly the same.
Perfect.
Couldn't have asked for a better definition myself.
That was good, yeah.
You seem like you're in a really good mood today.
Am I wrong? - Do I? - Yeah.
- Yeah, super good mood.
- Yeah.
Do I seem, like, in a good mood? - Like really happy.
- Yeah, like I guess so.
I guess I'm in a good mood.
Good for you, man.
What's going on? Uh nothing.
I shouldn't get into it.
It's kind of personal.
- Hey, come on.
Yeah.
- Come on.
- We're all friends here.
Get into it! - Yeah! - I'm meeting a girl tonight.
- Oh-ho! - Meeting a girl.
- Oh! Player! - Getting that time in.
- Yeah, wear a condom, Mr.
C.
All right.
Now I regret telling you guys.
I bought her the dog because she Well, man, I can't remember, is this before This must be before I met her parents.
I should've brought this up at the beginning of the story.
So anyway, she travels a lot for work and this has become a thing lately where I was willing to let it go and say, "All right, it's a one-time thing.
" Uh, but then, the other week, she went to Atlanta, and I'm just at home trying to Gotta cut you off there, caller, so sorry about that.
Thanks so much for sharing, very intense stuff.
We'll be right back on Heart Work, this is Dr.
Greg Colter.
Mickey! God! Dr.
Greg, please don't make me do this.
These calls suck, and I'm sure you have plenty of fucked up experiences to draw from.
Or make shit up.
I don't care.
Fine.
Welcome back to Heart Work, we have Mindy on the line.
Mindy, what's happening? Hi, Dr.
Greg.
Long time, first time.
I'm a 48-year-old, never-married woman.
I am a huge fan.
Like, if you had a book, I would sleep with it under my pillow.
I'm just wondering with relationships, how do you know if they're gonna be good or bad? Okay, can you be more specific? Well, I'm in a new relationship with this guy.
Okay, surely there must be something more interesting about your situation.
How did it all start? Well he went on a date with my roommate and before he could leave, I grabbed him in his car and started making out with him.
Wow.
That's a powerful initiating move.
I have let's just call them impulse control issues.
Uh, alcohol and whatnot, so I just wanna make sure they don't affect this new relationship.
Okay.
Are you in some sort of a program? Yeah, AA.
But, like, yesterday I told everybody I was sober when I'm not.
Careful.
If you make your sobriety into a joke, then it's your life that becomes the punch line.
Mmm-hmm.
I don't I don't understand.
So what's the problem then? Well, she's not, I mean, she's not a person, you know? You need to But she can understand.
Like, you need to talk to her when you feed her.
Hey, one sec.
Hi! Gus? Hi.
I'll call you back.
Hi.
Heidi.
- Heidi, yeah.
- Yeah.
We met like four episodes ago, or something.
- Oh, yeah, yeah.
I remember you.
- Yeah, I play Elise on the show.
- Elise, the cousin.
- Or so we think.
Oh.
Are you not Did they change it? - Is that something new that's happening? - Oh, no.
I'm just being silly, that's They didn't change it.
- I'm the cousin.
- Oh.
Okay.
- Yeah.
- I was like, "Oh, spoiler!" Yeah, I think, um, this actually might be my last episode.
- Oh, really? - Yeah.
- Oh, that's crazy.
- I know.
Well, I don't know.
My contract's for four and, like, they might ask me back, but Do they hate me? I feel like they hate me.
- Oh, no, no, no, no.
No.
- No? Hey, the first few months I was here, I thought everybody thought I was a huge dork.
- Oh! - Yeah.
They were wrong.
You showed them.
No, you know honestly, with this show, it's kinda like everybody keeps their heads down - and focuses on their own work.
- Right.
- Sure.
- I know it can feel like people hate you, - but no, they don't.
No.
- Yeah, okay.
The only time you should worry is if they cut your line.
Or if they kill you.
- Not you.
Your character, yeah.
- Not me.
Hmm, yeah, that's probably true.
I hope.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
- Um, well, thank you.
- Oh, of course.
Yeah, cool.
Um, well, I guess I will see you at the gathering of the coven! Ooh, okay.
- I'm not gonna, like, do it like that.
- Of course.
- Cool.
Okay, bye-bye.
- But, yeah, okay.
Bye! Just a hunch here, Mindy.
Do you substitute quick, casual sex for real intimacy, just because it's the easier thing to do? Maybe with friends and associates, or even people you work with? Yeah, you could say that.
But I'm trying not to do that with this new guy.
Well, do me a favor and give me this new guy's number, so that I can call him and tell him to run away as fast as he can.
Ha, ha! Okay.
I'm not joking, Mindy.
I'm telling you this for your own good.
You're not going to find yourself magically in some non-toxic relationship, unless you face your other demons first.
Yeah, but that's what I'm doing.
I've seen the pattern.
Sex, instead of what I like to call "real courtship.
" You are bingeing on this new guy.
Now, people think that you can only binge on food, but that's not true.
You can binge on other people, too.
And then before you know it What's that? That was you.
Melting down.
Exploding.
Now I feel like you're exaggerating, or just picking on me.
I'm not.
I just need you to understand that whether it is food, or drugs, or some new guy, whose got your heart all aflutter, they all lead to the same things as an addict.
Jails, institutions and death.
Fuck this.
These are harsh words, Mindy, but you gotta hear 'em.
Thank you for your call.
Next up on the line, we've got Georgio.
Georgio, what's happening? Hey, Dr.
Greg.
So, I was dating a woman for a couple years and, uh we broke it off and five months in, now we're still having sex, constantly.
You know, uh more than we ever had before and, um, basically, what I'm trying to say is I think I'm in love with her mom.
Wow! Didn't see that one coming, Georgio.
Thank you for surprising me.
Hey, lady.
Hey.
Just a heads up, some stuff came up at work and it might be kind of tough for me to, uh, meet up tonight.
Oh.
Uh okay.
Um what's up? Is everything okay, or Yeah, no.
Uh, everything's fine.
Um, can we just play it by ear? Yeah.
Yeah, sure.
Sure, um Is something wrong, or You know, it's It's just, I Oh, I'm so sorry.
I gotta go.
I'm late for a meeting.
I'll call you later, okay? Bye.
Are you still there? The signal - Hey, Wyatt.
- Hey, man.
Hey, um, I was actually thinking about it and you don't need to read my script.
I know you're a busy guy.
And I'm just having second thoughts.
Oh, I read the first, like, ten pages already.
- Oh, you did! - Yeah, kid, you did good.
- Oh, you're gonna sit down? - Oh.
Awesome.
Yeah.
So what'd you think? Are they, like, okay, or - So, there's good stuff in there.
- Okay.
A couple of big thoughts.
One is that the witchcraft has to feel real.
- Right.
- And like Susan Cheryl always says, like, "If you were a witch, what would you do?" So make it more - a little more character-based.
- Right.
That's a good note.
- The dialogue - Uh-huh.
- Forget the dialogue for a second.
- Sure, sure.
- Another important thing is that - Mmm-hmm.
we need a big thing on Witchita to happen every three pages.
That's a Susan Cheryl mantra.
- So, a twist, a turn.
- Every three pages.
- Yeah, something big.
- Uh-huh, uh-huh.
Um, I don't want this to seem like I'm just shitting on your script.
Oh, my God, I just appreciate you reading it.
- You know? - Oh, you're welcome.
- Or part of it.
Yeah.
- Yeah.
Totally.
Um, for sure.
And, you know, 'cause I'm not like, a real writer, - you know? I just wanted to try.
- Right.
Or thought it'd be fun or interesting to try.
Yeah.
No, we all start somewhere.
- Yeah.
Yeah.
- So, for sure.
Um, they are about to rehearse the bedroom scene, and I wanna get over there to look at that.
Really? Man, they haven't even started shooting the bedroom scene? No.
Stuff got pushed.
I thought we were supposed to be done at midnight.
Do you have somewhere to be at midnight tonight? Oh, um I'm not sure, actually.
But - Okay.
Um, good talk.
- Okay.
- Yeah, great talk.
- I gotta get over here.
I thought that was, like, a great talk.
Cool.
Yeah, no.
That's awesome.
Hey, sorry.
We need that jacket back.
What? Why? You shooting a scene with it or something, or - No.
- Well can't I keep wearing it? Just let me wear it a little longer.
- Don't forget.
- I won't.
Everyone does.
- I know, but I won't.
- You promise? Yeah, just look for the guy in the brown leather coat and that's me.
- Okay, I will.
- Okay.
Two nights ago, I touched the first piece of white pussy I've touched in at least six years! - Atta boy! Mmm! - Hey! But, like, no I feel like it's prejudiced It's racist to high five you about it.
No, it's not! It's just that ever since I was young, like, black girls like me, white girls don't like me.
Frankly, I can't believe anyone likes you.
I'm surprised anyone fucks you.
Oh, there he is! - Ah! - Oh! My dicklickers! Come on, come on, man, bring it in.
- Bring it in.
- How you doin', lil' dicklicker? - What's up, buddy? - Come on, bring it in.
- How you feeling, man? - Not ideal, not ideal.
I mean, I don't have anybody to hang out with except you fools.
So if that gives you any indication of where I'm at.
Hey, I know you.
Oh I don't know you.
What is your name, you gorgeous little Nazi princess? Mickey.
Wait, you don't fucking know Mickey? She's the fucking shit.
Yes, she is.
Whoa, what's that hair thing? - All right.
To us! - Cheers! - To fucking us.
- To us! And cancer! Whoa! Yeah.
Let's talk DNA.
Okay, so DNA is just, uh, how life happens.
So, no big deal.
Um Aidan, come on.
No cell phones, man.
You know that.
Put it away.
So DNA is, um Wait, is that Is that my phone? Do you have my phone? What do you got there, man? Like, how did you What? You can't just leave it on the desk.
- Oh, my God! - Yeah! How do you not have it password protected? 'Cause I'm from South Dakota, okay? We don't lock things.
Does Mickey know you're from South Dakota? I bet she does.
Did I send What did you text? "I'm hard AF just thinking about tonight.
" - Come on, man.
- Calm down, he's doing you a favor.
Girls love that shit.
No, they don't.
Do they? Well, it's Don't answer that.
Normally, I'd be into it, but he's kind of dorky, so it's surprising.
Oh.
Now he's a "hard AF" dork.
- "Hard AF"? - "Hard as fuck.
" That's dorky.
That's No, that's sexy.
Guys, that's not cool, okay? What you did isn't cool.
Wait, did she write back yet? No, she hasn't.
Oh, the only thing I see is something that she wrote beforehand that I didn't even see.
Uh "Poss on.
" What does that mean? Don't Okay.
Fine.
Why are you so mad? I was only trying to help.
Okay, you know what, guys? Can we all just stop talking? Please? Thank you.
- Oh, wait, he's texting.
- What? What's he saying? What's he saying? Oh, almost.
Nothin'.
What do you think he was gonna send? Probably a picture of his tight little butthole.
Just was afraid to pull the trigger.
The hot sauce, you had it out here.
It's gone.
- Where the fuck did you meet him? - Can I get, um uh, cilantro? Cilantro? There's no cilantro? - No, there's nothing here! - Look, look.
No, I found some, I found some.
Oh, you found some? What you doing? - I'm looking for the hot sauce.
- Ah! - I feel bad! - I need to plug my phone.
I need to plug my phone in.
Oh! No plug there, señor, I'm sorry.
No, no, no, no, no, no, no! - Come on, Andy! - What are you doing? - Let go.
- Get I just am gonna plug the thing in.
- That's embarrassing.
- There's a plug right there.
I'm gonna plug it in for five seconds.
- Five seconds.
- He's your friend, dude.
- Where are you Oh, fuck! - Oh, fuck! You can't come in, sir! - I don't want trouble.
- Andy, Andy I just want a little juice.
Just give me five minutes.
Hey, I'm in the taco - Wait, wait.
- Take a picture real quick.
- Take a picture.
- One, two, three.
Smile! You smoke that pole like Bette Davis.
But you don't have her crooked eyes.
You got Now you look like Bette Davis.
Bette Davis! Where's Doobie? What I'm here.
Doobie's gone.
Gone? Why is he gone? It's so early.
You know Why is that such a shitty thing? It's only 12:25.
So what? Where's lover boy? Wait, I You were meeting up with him.
Guess he's still at work.
Fuck, I don't know.
Have you heard of ayahuasca? Yes.
Do you have some? No, but I have the next best thing.
What? - Two black buttons? - Oh, oh.
Oh, yeah.
No, it's not - What is that shit? - Sassafras.
That's basically ecstasy.
No, it's the Okay, maybe.
But it it's organic.
They make it from They make it from sassafras roots.
- Oh, really? - Yeah.
We could go to a safe place.
I know a safe place.
- Okay, where? - LA subway.
- Fuck, no! No! - No.
No, no! At this time of night there's nobody there and it's beautiful mosaic tile.
We'll see things.
We'll see our future.
- Let's take it and then we'll be sober.
- All right, fuck it.
I'm gonna empty it onto my tongue.
Ew.
You're not gonna feel it right away.
Come on! You get the tickets.
I gotta text.
Well, hurry up, you harlot! - Oh! - Oh shit! Oh, fuck! Oh, my God, are these the brightest lights ever? No, that's the that's the drugs kicking in.
You know, I Maybe not.
I That's the thing about drugs.
I can never tell if this is just my normal level of paranoia.
'Cause look at her, she's like She just looked right at me.
Can I make an announcement to pe everybody? Basically, we're on drugs, and it would help us if nobody looked at us.
Oh! Margaret? Margaret.
- Oh, my God, it's Margaret.
- Do you know that woman? Oh, my God.
This is my nanny from when I was Margaret? I'm just more comfortable with somebody I know.
I just feel more comfortable with her right now.
- This is Margaret, she's my nanny.
- Andy.
Who are we going to meet? Roger.
He's a cute guy that works at a at a sake bar.
And But he, uh If anybody asks, he's my cousin.
- Okay.
- He's my cousin.
My kissing cousin.
'Cause we kiss each other on the privates.
Is that funny? You're making me paranoid.
Where are we getting off this train? DTLA.
That's Do you know what that stands for? - Yeah.
- What? - Downtown Los Angeles.
- Town El Os Angellel - Valley! - Mmm, yes.
- What? - Valley.
Oh, she's saying we're having a valley, 'cause the drugs.
The drugs give you peaks and valleys.
No, she's saying we're going to the Valley.
We got on the wrong train.
I told you! I told you that we had to get on the Blue Line.
That's not my job! I told you, I told you, I told you! You're such a stupid, stupid bitch.
She's talking to you.
Oh, my God, we're still going.
Where? My eyes are so dry.
We're gonna be there soon, I know it.
Uh, this You know what? I'm sober.
This is taking so long, I'm Why did we do this? This is insane.
I thought the LA subway was eight blocks long.
I'm over it.
Over it.
I wanna be home.
I wanna be in bed.
My stomach hurts, my eyes are dry as fuck.
No! No, Andy, Andy.
Andy.
Oh, my God, that's like Clockwork Orange.
- Oh, God, that feels so good.
- Oh, shit Oh, God.
I swear to God, I thought my eyes were like raisins.
I don't know what kind of deal with the devil you've made, but we know what we saw.
If I thought you had the courage to tell anyone, I might actually be afraid.
We must deny these accusations.
- Okay, okay, hold it there.
- That's a cut.
Yeah! Great take.
Good job.
I think that was the one, right? Heidi, I actually Can I talk to you - That was rehearsal.
- Yeah.
Yep, sorry.
Um I think it's great.
- Mmm-hmm.
- Um, this, uh "We must deny these accusations" line is just, it's not working for me.
- Calm down.
- Okay.
Cool, it's cool.
Sorry I'm not jaded.
Okay, did you get that? You're gonna go right into your line after her line.
Her line's been cut.
She's not gonna say anything there.
- Not at all.
- I could do something.
No, no, no.
It's fine.
Just go right back to your mark there.
We're wasting time now.
Just cut it now.
It's fine.
Yeah, I just did.
Have you ever been punched in the face so hard that you shit your pants? - No.
- I have.
What happened? I met these two black girls and we went down to, like, South Central.
I went in their car.
They picked up another guy.
We kept going.
And then I got punched in the face the side of my face, so hard that I shit my pants.
Every Every bad choice I've made, it's drinking.
Everything I've lost, drinking.
I got that Vince Vaughn movie.
I was right there.
I thought he was sober and we went out, and he's not.
- Mmm-hmm.
- And we drank.
And then I I blacked out, but I know it wasn't good.
I probably got gropey.
I don't want to do this anymore.
God, I was doing good! You know, I had 14 months.
It just so sucks when you gotta reset that app.
Do you have one of those apps? Oh, the sobriety app? - Yeah, I know.
- Yeah.
I got scared.
This dude's, like, nice and funny, and sweet, and I'm just, like, this piece of shit.
And I just wanted to save him from me.
But that's bullshit, I was just scared.
Well we'll just reset our apps.
You know? It's It's gonna be okay.
Maybe we didn't do enough sassafras.
Hey, Evan, how are we doing on time right now? Gus, not now.
Those kids got plenty of trailer time today.
No, I just I meant Uh Like, when are we getting out of here? That dude's a dick, man.
Don't even worry about him.
Yeah, I don't know.
How did I go wrong with Mickey, you know? Is she mad at me? It's like I feel like I lost her somehow, and I don't know why.
Dude, I don't even know where the left turn came, man.
I would say at the beginning of this day, you had a 90% chance of getting pussy.
I thought it was gonna rain pussy on you tonight.
Now it's more like 100% chance of me, like, jacking off.
- Yes.
That is for sure, man.
- Yeah.
Well, thank you for the real talk.
I appreciate it, seriously.
No problem, Gus.
Stop texting that girl.
Okay.
I'm done.
- He doesn't know what anything looks like.
- I know Look at this monologue.
It's, like, a whole page of text.
- That's ridiculous.
- I was like, "Are you fucking kidding me?" - Hey, hey.
- Hey.
Could I talk to you for just a second? Yeah, what's up? So you know how you said, um, if they cut one of my lines, I should worry? - Mmm-hmm.
- Well, they just cut my first line, - so, like, I guess I'm off the show.
- Oh! That sucks.
I know.
You know what? Fuck that.
Fuck these guys.
- I know.
- You know? Fuck these guys.
Do you wanna make an impression? Yeah, I Yeah.
Mmm.
You should do something big.
Like Wait, what? - Yeah.
- Like? I mean, that's, like, all anybody talks about here, is, like, doing something big.
You know, Susan says that all the time.
She's like, "Every three pages something huge should happen," you know? Oh, okay.
So, you should do that.
Like, in your scene.
- Just do something.
- Okay.
- You know, improv something.
- Okay, you think that's gonna work? - Yeah! - Okay.
I mean, why wouldn't it, right? What do you got to lose? - Yeah, I mean - Just say, "Fuck it!" - Okay.
- Go ballistic.
- Yeah, fuck it.
Okay.
- Just go crazy.
- All right.
Yeah! - You know? - I could do that.
- Just throw it out there.
- Just throw it in their faces.
- Okay.
- Okay.
- Will do! Okay.
In their faces Okay.
Okay.
Could you not hover? - Oh, I'm sorry.
Am I? - Yeah.
You gotta give us, like, three feet, dude.
I can hear you breathing in my ear.
It's really fucking distracting.
This isn't a bus.
How about over here? I'm watching.
I just I like the show.
Let's watch from right over here, please.
- Okay.
All right.
- Thank you.
Okay, call it.
And action! I don't know what kind of deal with the devil you made, but we know what we saw! If I believed you actually had the courage to tell someone, then I might actually be afraid.
Ain't no regular girl able to kill a man like that with her own mind.
I think you two is witches.
You have no idea who we are! What the fuck? And I'm pregnant! Hold it! Jesus! Cut, cut, cut! And hold positions.
Nobody move.
We have broken glass.
Are you guys okay? - Yeah.
- Yeah.
I'm so sorry.
I just I thought maybe we should do something, like, a little bigger that time.
It's okay.
That was cool.
Okay, let's get this cleaned up carefully.
- You guys cannot move.
- Okay.
Obviously she can't be that big, but, uh - Yeah.
- that kind of played, right? Yeah, I like that character going dark.
- Actually, it works for us.
- Right.
You know where we could use her? We could use her in the graveyard scene with Arya.
- Oh, yeah.
That makes sense.
- Yeah.
It does.
- Yeah, she can't be pregnant, though.
- Yeah.
Yeah, no.
Fuck that.
She ain't pregnant.
Oh, fuck.
You know what? She could be the one to light the school on fire in the finale.
I like that.
Uh, Heidi.
Um That was really unprofessional.
- I'm so sorry.
- Okay, don't ever do that again.
I will not I - Ever.
- Ever.
- Okay? You lost your mind there a bit.
- Okay.
But we need you to do it one more time, just so we have it clean and wide.
- Yeah, you got it.
Mmm-hmm.
- Okay.
Back to one, witches! Can we get playback here, on this monitor? Get playback in monitor D, please.
So we know what the fuck we're doing, please.
It's supposed to be the biggest turkey drumsticks of any Renaissance festival around here, so - Wow.
- It should be fun.
I don't know if you're But anyway, they are thinking about adding you to the call sheet tomorrow, so, if you could be on stand-by, that would be great.
- Sure! Thank you.
- Cool.
- Hopefully we'll see you soon.
- Yeah, have a good night.
- Hey! - Hi! Oh, my - Oh, my God.
- Oh, my God, thank you.
Yeah! No, of course.
I'm glad it worked out.
- Yeah.
- And that you didn't kill anybody.
I know! I know! - Yay, me! - Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Oh, wow.
- Um Yeah.
- That was amazing.
I think, um, they're actually talking about adding me to another episode.
- Oh, wow! That's cool.
- I think.
It's so crazy.
Um, do you wanna get a drink? Um Uh, I actually already have plans - Oh, okay.
- for tonight.
- Oh! Okay.
- So, yeah No, no, no.
- It's so late.
Okay.
- Yeah.
Yeah, uh Couldn't Can't flake out.
I guess I'll see you, uh, the next time I shoot? Yes! That's right.
- Yeah, definitely.
Definitely, okay.
- Same time, same place.
- Well, probably a different time.
- All right.
You know that.
- Okay.
- All right.
Gotta run.
Okay.
Dude, I'm, like, really glad that we met.
But I am never doing this again.
Well, I might.
Um, what about meetings? What meetings do you go to? I usually go to that one in the church on Hillhurst.
There's one tomorrow at, uh, the YMCA.
Sunset and Alvarado.
You wanna meet there? Noon.
Tomorrow.
- Yeah, I could do that.
- You wanna meet there? - Mmm-hmm.
- Yeah? Jesus, what the fuck do I do now? Just get an Uber.
Go home and go to sleep.
No, I Okay.
Hey, how 'bout, uh you want to share an Uber and come to my place, crash out? How about we share an Uber, and go to your place, crash out? It's not gonna happen.
No, I'm not saying it's gonna, I'm just Okay.
- Oh, shit.
- Oh, you got reception finally? Look at all these texts.
What Who is it? Can I get a ride? That dude, Gus.
Maybe he can give us a ride.
I really did have a good time.
- Me, too.
- Okay.
All right, I'll see you tomorrow.
Yeah.
Thanks, baby.
- Bye! - Bye! - Hey.
- Hey.
I'm so sorry about everything.
No, I'm sorry.
Like, I was in this bar, and I had no reception, and I'm just now walking home.
No, no, no.
It's cool.
I'm I'm sorry.
I felt like I was the one who was fucking up.
I guess we're both fuck-ups.
So it's cool.
If you do wanna try this again You don't have to, but I do, uh Maybe we should pick an earlier time, like 7:00? Oh, 7:00? That's not, um that's not too proper for you or anything, or Fuck it, I mean, I'll do 6:00.
- Oh, yeah? - Hey, I'll do 5:00.
Hey, make it 4:00, bitch! Uh, yeah, let's do 4:00 then.
- All right.
Good night, Gus.
- Bye.
Ooh.
- Hello? - Hey.
Sorry if that was strange.
Uh, yeah.
I mean, it was super crazy, but, uh good crazy, I guess.
- Oh, you liked it? - Yeah.
Well, we should hang out.
What's your week look like? Yeah, um Well, I work tomorrow, but I don't really have anything the day after.
I mean, I do, but I'd have to move stuff around, so maybe, like, Thursday.
What about tomorrow night? Yeah.
Uh No, I got like a night shoot thing, so I wouldn't really be able to meet up until, like, midnight-ish.
I'll be up midnight-ish.
Okay I guess I'm just thinking out loud here, is that like a weird time for a proper date? Just, like, call me whenever you're done with work and we'll just hang out.
Uh great.
Well, uh Let's do a midnight-ish hang then, huh? - Okay, bye.
- Bye.
We kissed and then she was like, "Do you wanna meet tonight at midnight?" So that has to be, like, a booty call, right? Something's different about you, man.
Like, you got a whole new swag to you or something, man.
It's your glasses.
Where your glasses at, dude? No glasses.
Contacts day.
All right.
Okay.
- Well, welcome back, confident Gus! - Yeah.
Haven't seen this dude in, like, two weeks.
- I know it's been a while, huh? - Yeah, man.
Got to admit, I got a little pep in my step.
- I see those moves, man.
- See that step? - I see those, killer! Get down.
- Yeah, totally, man.
Cruikshank, from way downtown! Oops! Can't buy a bucket! Sorry, didn't mean to do that.
I got Thanks.
- What's up? - Hey, yo, Wyatt! Get at that hummus, dog.
- Pine nuts on top, very jiggy.
- Mmm.
Hey, Wyatt, uh, so the Lakers won last night, I was thinkin' of ya.
You were thinking of me? That's cute.
- Oh, like, 'cause you like the Lakers - Uh-huh.
and then I saw the Lakers won, so Lot of people like the Lakers, bro.
- Hey, Wyatt.
- Yeah.
You know Gus here wrote a Witchita script, right? You did? He did? You wrote a Witchita spec? - Yeah, for, like, fun.
But, uh - Don't listen to him, don't listen to him.
Not for fun.
For, like, to get a job.
You wanna be a writer? I didn't know that.
Would you wanna read it, or You can send it to me.
I'll try to read it.
- I can take a look.
- You know what? I actually - I got a hard copy.
- Oh.
Yeah.
Ah.
Yeah! You're like a boy scout.
Hey! I was a boy scout.
Hey! That's so cool.
Well, now that everybody's finally here, we can start the meeting.
- Great.
- So, is there any outstanding business? Yeah, I have a couple small things.
But, uh, the main problem is we are just not getting good calls from our listeners.
I don't know why.
So, what I suggest is we start employing some of those in-house, not 100% real calls I don't think we should be doing that.
I just think it's unethical and some of the listeners would be upset if they knew calls were faked.
People don't care if the calls are real.
They care if the advice is real.
You see that, right there? That poster? The show is called Heart Work with Dr.
Greg, okay? Just make the calls.
Hey, Britney, what is new in the world of wardrobe? - Hey, Gus.
- Hey, I don't know if you noticed, but they kinda got the AC cranked on in there and I'm a little chilly.
Do you mind if I borrow a jacket? Sure, but don't spill any food on it.
- Oh, no, I won't.
- Here.
Oh.
You know what? Uh, I kind of like this one.
I think it'd be a little warmer, too.
Mind if I wear this bad Larry? - Sure.
- Yeah? Great.
- Here you go.
- Thanks.
- Don't let anything happen to it! - Oh, of course not.
Ooh! Yeah, I like this.
Feel like Indiana Jones.
Be careful with it.
- Right, thank you! Oop, hey.
- Easy.
I worked with Chace Crawford on this stupid thing.
He said that on Gossip Girl their trailers were, like, super trife.
That's so not surprising.
Warner Brothers is the fucking worst.
Like, I don't even know why They just don't know how to treat their actors.
Yeah, they don't.
Okay, okay, guys.
Come on.
We're getting off track.
Way off track.
So don't let me regret that I said you didn't have to sit in your seats today, all right? - Mmm-hmm.
- Keep it loose, but we gotta focus, all right? All right, what do we got here? "Mitosis.
" Jacob, what's mitosis? Lookin' at you, buddy.
It's a cell and then it splits and then they're, like, exactly the same.
Perfect.
Couldn't have asked for a better definition myself.
That was good, yeah.
You seem like you're in a really good mood today.
Am I wrong? - Do I? - Yeah.
- Yeah, super good mood.
- Yeah.
Do I seem, like, in a good mood? - Like really happy.
- Yeah, like I guess so.
I guess I'm in a good mood.
Good for you, man.
What's going on? Uh nothing.
I shouldn't get into it.
It's kind of personal.
- Hey, come on.
Yeah.
- Come on.
- We're all friends here.
Get into it! - Yeah! - I'm meeting a girl tonight.
- Oh-ho! - Meeting a girl.
- Oh! Player! - Getting that time in.
- Yeah, wear a condom, Mr.
C.
All right.
Now I regret telling you guys.
I bought her the dog because she Well, man, I can't remember, is this before This must be before I met her parents.
I should've brought this up at the beginning of the story.
So anyway, she travels a lot for work and this has become a thing lately where I was willing to let it go and say, "All right, it's a one-time thing.
" Uh, but then, the other week, she went to Atlanta, and I'm just at home trying to Gotta cut you off there, caller, so sorry about that.
Thanks so much for sharing, very intense stuff.
We'll be right back on Heart Work, this is Dr.
Greg Colter.
Mickey! God! Dr.
Greg, please don't make me do this.
These calls suck, and I'm sure you have plenty of fucked up experiences to draw from.
Or make shit up.
I don't care.
Fine.
Welcome back to Heart Work, we have Mindy on the line.
Mindy, what's happening? Hi, Dr.
Greg.
Long time, first time.
I'm a 48-year-old, never-married woman.
I am a huge fan.
Like, if you had a book, I would sleep with it under my pillow.
I'm just wondering with relationships, how do you know if they're gonna be good or bad? Okay, can you be more specific? Well, I'm in a new relationship with this guy.
Okay, surely there must be something more interesting about your situation.
How did it all start? Well he went on a date with my roommate and before he could leave, I grabbed him in his car and started making out with him.
Wow.
That's a powerful initiating move.
I have let's just call them impulse control issues.
Uh, alcohol and whatnot, so I just wanna make sure they don't affect this new relationship.
Okay.
Are you in some sort of a program? Yeah, AA.
But, like, yesterday I told everybody I was sober when I'm not.
Careful.
If you make your sobriety into a joke, then it's your life that becomes the punch line.
Mmm-hmm.
I don't I don't understand.
So what's the problem then? Well, she's not, I mean, she's not a person, you know? You need to But she can understand.
Like, you need to talk to her when you feed her.
Hey, one sec.
Hi! Gus? Hi.
I'll call you back.
Hi.
Heidi.
- Heidi, yeah.
- Yeah.
We met like four episodes ago, or something.
- Oh, yeah, yeah.
I remember you.
- Yeah, I play Elise on the show.
- Elise, the cousin.
- Or so we think.
Oh.
Are you not Did they change it? - Is that something new that's happening? - Oh, no.
I'm just being silly, that's They didn't change it.
- I'm the cousin.
- Oh.
Okay.
- Yeah.
- I was like, "Oh, spoiler!" Yeah, I think, um, this actually might be my last episode.
- Oh, really? - Yeah.
- Oh, that's crazy.
- I know.
Well, I don't know.
My contract's for four and, like, they might ask me back, but Do they hate me? I feel like they hate me.
- Oh, no, no, no, no.
No.
- No? Hey, the first few months I was here, I thought everybody thought I was a huge dork.
- Oh! - Yeah.
They were wrong.
You showed them.
No, you know honestly, with this show, it's kinda like everybody keeps their heads down - and focuses on their own work.
- Right.
- Sure.
- I know it can feel like people hate you, - but no, they don't.
No.
- Yeah, okay.
The only time you should worry is if they cut your line.
Or if they kill you.
- Not you.
Your character, yeah.
- Not me.
Hmm, yeah, that's probably true.
I hope.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
- Um, well, thank you.
- Oh, of course.
Yeah, cool.
Um, well, I guess I will see you at the gathering of the coven! Ooh, okay.
- I'm not gonna, like, do it like that.
- Of course.
- Cool.
Okay, bye-bye.
- But, yeah, okay.
Bye! Just a hunch here, Mindy.
Do you substitute quick, casual sex for real intimacy, just because it's the easier thing to do? Maybe with friends and associates, or even people you work with? Yeah, you could say that.
But I'm trying not to do that with this new guy.
Well, do me a favor and give me this new guy's number, so that I can call him and tell him to run away as fast as he can.
Ha, ha! Okay.
I'm not joking, Mindy.
I'm telling you this for your own good.
You're not going to find yourself magically in some non-toxic relationship, unless you face your other demons first.
Yeah, but that's what I'm doing.
I've seen the pattern.
Sex, instead of what I like to call "real courtship.
" You are bingeing on this new guy.
Now, people think that you can only binge on food, but that's not true.
You can binge on other people, too.
And then before you know it What's that? That was you.
Melting down.
Exploding.
Now I feel like you're exaggerating, or just picking on me.
I'm not.
I just need you to understand that whether it is food, or drugs, or some new guy, whose got your heart all aflutter, they all lead to the same things as an addict.
Jails, institutions and death.
Fuck this.
These are harsh words, Mindy, but you gotta hear 'em.
Thank you for your call.
Next up on the line, we've got Georgio.
Georgio, what's happening? Hey, Dr.
Greg.
So, I was dating a woman for a couple years and, uh we broke it off and five months in, now we're still having sex, constantly.
You know, uh more than we ever had before and, um, basically, what I'm trying to say is I think I'm in love with her mom.
Wow! Didn't see that one coming, Georgio.
Thank you for surprising me.
Hey, lady.
Hey.
Just a heads up, some stuff came up at work and it might be kind of tough for me to, uh, meet up tonight.
Oh.
Uh okay.
Um what's up? Is everything okay, or Yeah, no.
Uh, everything's fine.
Um, can we just play it by ear? Yeah.
Yeah, sure.
Sure, um Is something wrong, or You know, it's It's just, I Oh, I'm so sorry.
I gotta go.
I'm late for a meeting.
I'll call you later, okay? Bye.
Are you still there? The signal - Hey, Wyatt.
- Hey, man.
Hey, um, I was actually thinking about it and you don't need to read my script.
I know you're a busy guy.
And I'm just having second thoughts.
Oh, I read the first, like, ten pages already.
- Oh, you did! - Yeah, kid, you did good.
- Oh, you're gonna sit down? - Oh.
Awesome.
Yeah.
So what'd you think? Are they, like, okay, or - So, there's good stuff in there.
- Okay.
A couple of big thoughts.
One is that the witchcraft has to feel real.
- Right.
- And like Susan Cheryl always says, like, "If you were a witch, what would you do?" So make it more - a little more character-based.
- Right.
That's a good note.
- The dialogue - Uh-huh.
- Forget the dialogue for a second.
- Sure, sure.
- Another important thing is that - Mmm-hmm.
we need a big thing on Witchita to happen every three pages.
That's a Susan Cheryl mantra.
- So, a twist, a turn.
- Every three pages.
- Yeah, something big.
- Uh-huh, uh-huh.
Um, I don't want this to seem like I'm just shitting on your script.
Oh, my God, I just appreciate you reading it.
- You know? - Oh, you're welcome.
- Or part of it.
Yeah.
- Yeah.
Totally.
Um, for sure.
And, you know, 'cause I'm not like, a real writer, - you know? I just wanted to try.
- Right.
Or thought it'd be fun or interesting to try.
Yeah.
No, we all start somewhere.
- Yeah.
Yeah.
- So, for sure.
Um, they are about to rehearse the bedroom scene, and I wanna get over there to look at that.
Really? Man, they haven't even started shooting the bedroom scene? No.
Stuff got pushed.
I thought we were supposed to be done at midnight.
Do you have somewhere to be at midnight tonight? Oh, um I'm not sure, actually.
But - Okay.
Um, good talk.
- Okay.
- Yeah, great talk.
- I gotta get over here.
I thought that was, like, a great talk.
Cool.
Yeah, no.
That's awesome.
Hey, sorry.
We need that jacket back.
What? Why? You shooting a scene with it or something, or - No.
- Well can't I keep wearing it? Just let me wear it a little longer.
- Don't forget.
- I won't.
Everyone does.
- I know, but I won't.
- You promise? Yeah, just look for the guy in the brown leather coat and that's me.
- Okay, I will.
- Okay.
Two nights ago, I touched the first piece of white pussy I've touched in at least six years! - Atta boy! Mmm! - Hey! But, like, no I feel like it's prejudiced It's racist to high five you about it.
No, it's not! It's just that ever since I was young, like, black girls like me, white girls don't like me.
Frankly, I can't believe anyone likes you.
I'm surprised anyone fucks you.
Oh, there he is! - Ah! - Oh! My dicklickers! Come on, come on, man, bring it in.
- Bring it in.
- How you doin', lil' dicklicker? - What's up, buddy? - Come on, bring it in.
- How you feeling, man? - Not ideal, not ideal.
I mean, I don't have anybody to hang out with except you fools.
So if that gives you any indication of where I'm at.
Hey, I know you.
Oh I don't know you.
What is your name, you gorgeous little Nazi princess? Mickey.
Wait, you don't fucking know Mickey? She's the fucking shit.
Yes, she is.
Whoa, what's that hair thing? - All right.
To us! - Cheers! - To fucking us.
- To us! And cancer! Whoa! Yeah.
Let's talk DNA.
Okay, so DNA is just, uh, how life happens.
So, no big deal.
Um Aidan, come on.
No cell phones, man.
You know that.
Put it away.
So DNA is, um Wait, is that Is that my phone? Do you have my phone? What do you got there, man? Like, how did you What? You can't just leave it on the desk.
- Oh, my God! - Yeah! How do you not have it password protected? 'Cause I'm from South Dakota, okay? We don't lock things.
Does Mickey know you're from South Dakota? I bet she does.
Did I send What did you text? "I'm hard AF just thinking about tonight.
" - Come on, man.
- Calm down, he's doing you a favor.
Girls love that shit.
No, they don't.
Do they? Well, it's Don't answer that.
Normally, I'd be into it, but he's kind of dorky, so it's surprising.
Oh.
Now he's a "hard AF" dork.
- "Hard AF"? - "Hard as fuck.
" That's dorky.
That's No, that's sexy.
Guys, that's not cool, okay? What you did isn't cool.
Wait, did she write back yet? No, she hasn't.
Oh, the only thing I see is something that she wrote beforehand that I didn't even see.
Uh "Poss on.
" What does that mean? Don't Okay.
Fine.
Why are you so mad? I was only trying to help.
Okay, you know what, guys? Can we all just stop talking? Please? Thank you.
- Oh, wait, he's texting.
- What? What's he saying? What's he saying? Oh, almost.
Nothin'.
What do you think he was gonna send? Probably a picture of his tight little butthole.
Just was afraid to pull the trigger.
The hot sauce, you had it out here.
It's gone.
- Where the fuck did you meet him? - Can I get, um uh, cilantro? Cilantro? There's no cilantro? - No, there's nothing here! - Look, look.
No, I found some, I found some.
Oh, you found some? What you doing? - I'm looking for the hot sauce.
- Ah! - I feel bad! - I need to plug my phone.
I need to plug my phone in.
Oh! No plug there, señor, I'm sorry.
No, no, no, no, no, no, no! - Come on, Andy! - What are you doing? - Let go.
- Get I just am gonna plug the thing in.
- That's embarrassing.
- There's a plug right there.
I'm gonna plug it in for five seconds.
- Five seconds.
- He's your friend, dude.
- Where are you Oh, fuck! - Oh, fuck! You can't come in, sir! - I don't want trouble.
- Andy, Andy I just want a little juice.
Just give me five minutes.
Hey, I'm in the taco - Wait, wait.
- Take a picture real quick.
- Take a picture.
- One, two, three.
Smile! You smoke that pole like Bette Davis.
But you don't have her crooked eyes.
You got Now you look like Bette Davis.
Bette Davis! Where's Doobie? What I'm here.
Doobie's gone.
Gone? Why is he gone? It's so early.
You know Why is that such a shitty thing? It's only 12:25.
So what? Where's lover boy? Wait, I You were meeting up with him.
Guess he's still at work.
Fuck, I don't know.
Have you heard of ayahuasca? Yes.
Do you have some? No, but I have the next best thing.
What? - Two black buttons? - Oh, oh.
Oh, yeah.
No, it's not - What is that shit? - Sassafras.
That's basically ecstasy.
No, it's the Okay, maybe.
But it it's organic.
They make it from They make it from sassafras roots.
- Oh, really? - Yeah.
We could go to a safe place.
I know a safe place.
- Okay, where? - LA subway.
- Fuck, no! No! - No.
No, no! At this time of night there's nobody there and it's beautiful mosaic tile.
We'll see things.
We'll see our future.
- Let's take it and then we'll be sober.
- All right, fuck it.
I'm gonna empty it onto my tongue.
Ew.
You're not gonna feel it right away.
Come on! You get the tickets.
I gotta text.
Well, hurry up, you harlot! - Oh! - Oh shit! Oh, fuck! Oh, my God, are these the brightest lights ever? No, that's the that's the drugs kicking in.
You know, I Maybe not.
I That's the thing about drugs.
I can never tell if this is just my normal level of paranoia.
'Cause look at her, she's like She just looked right at me.
Can I make an announcement to pe everybody? Basically, we're on drugs, and it would help us if nobody looked at us.
Oh! Margaret? Margaret.
- Oh, my God, it's Margaret.
- Do you know that woman? Oh, my God.
This is my nanny from when I was Margaret? I'm just more comfortable with somebody I know.
I just feel more comfortable with her right now.
- This is Margaret, she's my nanny.
- Andy.
Who are we going to meet? Roger.
He's a cute guy that works at a at a sake bar.
And But he, uh If anybody asks, he's my cousin.
- Okay.
- He's my cousin.
My kissing cousin.
'Cause we kiss each other on the privates.
Is that funny? You're making me paranoid.
Where are we getting off this train? DTLA.
That's Do you know what that stands for? - Yeah.
- What? - Downtown Los Angeles.
- Town El Os Angellel - Valley! - Mmm, yes.
- What? - Valley.
Oh, she's saying we're having a valley, 'cause the drugs.
The drugs give you peaks and valleys.
No, she's saying we're going to the Valley.
We got on the wrong train.
I told you! I told you that we had to get on the Blue Line.
That's not my job! I told you, I told you, I told you! You're such a stupid, stupid bitch.
She's talking to you.
Oh, my God, we're still going.
Where? My eyes are so dry.
We're gonna be there soon, I know it.
Uh, this You know what? I'm sober.
This is taking so long, I'm Why did we do this? This is insane.
I thought the LA subway was eight blocks long.
I'm over it.
Over it.
I wanna be home.
I wanna be in bed.
My stomach hurts, my eyes are dry as fuck.
No! No, Andy, Andy.
Andy.
Oh, my God, that's like Clockwork Orange.
- Oh, God, that feels so good.
- Oh, shit Oh, God.
I swear to God, I thought my eyes were like raisins.
I don't know what kind of deal with the devil you've made, but we know what we saw.
If I thought you had the courage to tell anyone, I might actually be afraid.
We must deny these accusations.
- Okay, okay, hold it there.
- That's a cut.
Yeah! Great take.
Good job.
I think that was the one, right? Heidi, I actually Can I talk to you - That was rehearsal.
- Yeah.
Yep, sorry.
Um I think it's great.
- Mmm-hmm.
- Um, this, uh "We must deny these accusations" line is just, it's not working for me.
- Calm down.
- Okay.
Cool, it's cool.
Sorry I'm not jaded.
Okay, did you get that? You're gonna go right into your line after her line.
Her line's been cut.
She's not gonna say anything there.
- Not at all.
- I could do something.
No, no, no.
It's fine.
Just go right back to your mark there.
We're wasting time now.
Just cut it now.
It's fine.
Yeah, I just did.
Have you ever been punched in the face so hard that you shit your pants? - No.
- I have.
What happened? I met these two black girls and we went down to, like, South Central.
I went in their car.
They picked up another guy.
We kept going.
And then I got punched in the face the side of my face, so hard that I shit my pants.
Every Every bad choice I've made, it's drinking.
Everything I've lost, drinking.
I got that Vince Vaughn movie.
I was right there.
I thought he was sober and we went out, and he's not.
- Mmm-hmm.
- And we drank.
And then I I blacked out, but I know it wasn't good.
I probably got gropey.
I don't want to do this anymore.
God, I was doing good! You know, I had 14 months.
It just so sucks when you gotta reset that app.
Do you have one of those apps? Oh, the sobriety app? - Yeah, I know.
- Yeah.
I got scared.
This dude's, like, nice and funny, and sweet, and I'm just, like, this piece of shit.
And I just wanted to save him from me.
But that's bullshit, I was just scared.
Well we'll just reset our apps.
You know? It's It's gonna be okay.
Maybe we didn't do enough sassafras.
Hey, Evan, how are we doing on time right now? Gus, not now.
Those kids got plenty of trailer time today.
No, I just I meant Uh Like, when are we getting out of here? That dude's a dick, man.
Don't even worry about him.
Yeah, I don't know.
How did I go wrong with Mickey, you know? Is she mad at me? It's like I feel like I lost her somehow, and I don't know why.
Dude, I don't even know where the left turn came, man.
I would say at the beginning of this day, you had a 90% chance of getting pussy.
I thought it was gonna rain pussy on you tonight.
Now it's more like 100% chance of me, like, jacking off.
- Yes.
That is for sure, man.
- Yeah.
Well, thank you for the real talk.
I appreciate it, seriously.
No problem, Gus.
Stop texting that girl.
Okay.
I'm done.
- He doesn't know what anything looks like.
- I know Look at this monologue.
It's, like, a whole page of text.
- That's ridiculous.
- I was like, "Are you fucking kidding me?" - Hey, hey.
- Hey.
Could I talk to you for just a second? Yeah, what's up? So you know how you said, um, if they cut one of my lines, I should worry? - Mmm-hmm.
- Well, they just cut my first line, - so, like, I guess I'm off the show.
- Oh! That sucks.
I know.
You know what? Fuck that.
Fuck these guys.
- I know.
- You know? Fuck these guys.
Do you wanna make an impression? Yeah, I Yeah.
Mmm.
You should do something big.
Like Wait, what? - Yeah.
- Like? I mean, that's, like, all anybody talks about here, is, like, doing something big.
You know, Susan says that all the time.
She's like, "Every three pages something huge should happen," you know? Oh, okay.
So, you should do that.
Like, in your scene.
- Just do something.
- Okay.
- You know, improv something.
- Okay, you think that's gonna work? - Yeah! - Okay.
I mean, why wouldn't it, right? What do you got to lose? - Yeah, I mean - Just say, "Fuck it!" - Okay.
- Go ballistic.
- Yeah, fuck it.
Okay.
- Just go crazy.
- All right.
Yeah! - You know? - I could do that.
- Just throw it out there.
- Just throw it in their faces.
- Okay.
- Okay.
- Will do! Okay.
In their faces Okay.
Okay.
Could you not hover? - Oh, I'm sorry.
Am I? - Yeah.
You gotta give us, like, three feet, dude.
I can hear you breathing in my ear.
It's really fucking distracting.
This isn't a bus.
How about over here? I'm watching.
I just I like the show.
Let's watch from right over here, please.
- Okay.
All right.
- Thank you.
Okay, call it.
And action! I don't know what kind of deal with the devil you made, but we know what we saw! If I believed you actually had the courage to tell someone, then I might actually be afraid.
Ain't no regular girl able to kill a man like that with her own mind.
I think you two is witches.
You have no idea who we are! What the fuck? And I'm pregnant! Hold it! Jesus! Cut, cut, cut! And hold positions.
Nobody move.
We have broken glass.
Are you guys okay? - Yeah.
- Yeah.
I'm so sorry.
I just I thought maybe we should do something, like, a little bigger that time.
It's okay.
That was cool.
Okay, let's get this cleaned up carefully.
- You guys cannot move.
- Okay.
Obviously she can't be that big, but, uh - Yeah.
- that kind of played, right? Yeah, I like that character going dark.
- Actually, it works for us.
- Right.
You know where we could use her? We could use her in the graveyard scene with Arya.
- Oh, yeah.
That makes sense.
- Yeah.
It does.
- Yeah, she can't be pregnant, though.
- Yeah.
Yeah, no.
Fuck that.
She ain't pregnant.
Oh, fuck.
You know what? She could be the one to light the school on fire in the finale.
I like that.
Uh, Heidi.
Um That was really unprofessional.
- I'm so sorry.
- Okay, don't ever do that again.
I will not I - Ever.
- Ever.
- Okay? You lost your mind there a bit.
- Okay.
But we need you to do it one more time, just so we have it clean and wide.
- Yeah, you got it.
Mmm-hmm.
- Okay.
Back to one, witches! Can we get playback here, on this monitor? Get playback in monitor D, please.
So we know what the fuck we're doing, please.
It's supposed to be the biggest turkey drumsticks of any Renaissance festival around here, so - Wow.
- It should be fun.
I don't know if you're But anyway, they are thinking about adding you to the call sheet tomorrow, so, if you could be on stand-by, that would be great.
- Sure! Thank you.
- Cool.
- Hopefully we'll see you soon.
- Yeah, have a good night.
- Hey! - Hi! Oh, my - Oh, my God.
- Oh, my God, thank you.
Yeah! No, of course.
I'm glad it worked out.
- Yeah.
- And that you didn't kill anybody.
I know! I know! - Yay, me! - Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Oh, wow.
- Um Yeah.
- That was amazing.
I think, um, they're actually talking about adding me to another episode.
- Oh, wow! That's cool.
- I think.
It's so crazy.
Um, do you wanna get a drink? Um Uh, I actually already have plans - Oh, okay.
- for tonight.
- Oh! Okay.
- So, yeah No, no, no.
- It's so late.
Okay.
- Yeah.
Yeah, uh Couldn't Can't flake out.
I guess I'll see you, uh, the next time I shoot? Yes! That's right.
- Yeah, definitely.
Definitely, okay.
- Same time, same place.
- Well, probably a different time.
- All right.
You know that.
- Okay.
- All right.
Gotta run.
Okay.
Dude, I'm, like, really glad that we met.
But I am never doing this again.
Well, I might.
Um, what about meetings? What meetings do you go to? I usually go to that one in the church on Hillhurst.
There's one tomorrow at, uh, the YMCA.
Sunset and Alvarado.
You wanna meet there? Noon.
Tomorrow.
- Yeah, I could do that.
- You wanna meet there? - Mmm-hmm.
- Yeah? Jesus, what the fuck do I do now? Just get an Uber.
Go home and go to sleep.
No, I Okay.
Hey, how 'bout, uh you want to share an Uber and come to my place, crash out? How about we share an Uber, and go to your place, crash out? It's not gonna happen.
No, I'm not saying it's gonna, I'm just Okay.
- Oh, shit.
- Oh, you got reception finally? Look at all these texts.
What Who is it? Can I get a ride? That dude, Gus.
Maybe he can give us a ride.
I really did have a good time.
- Me, too.
- Okay.
All right, I'll see you tomorrow.
Yeah.
Thanks, baby.
- Bye! - Bye! - Hey.
- Hey.
I'm so sorry about everything.
No, I'm sorry.
Like, I was in this bar, and I had no reception, and I'm just now walking home.
No, no, no.
It's cool.
I'm I'm sorry.
I felt like I was the one who was fucking up.
I guess we're both fuck-ups.
So it's cool.
If you do wanna try this again You don't have to, but I do, uh Maybe we should pick an earlier time, like 7:00? Oh, 7:00? That's not, um that's not too proper for you or anything, or Fuck it, I mean, I'll do 6:00.
- Oh, yeah? - Hey, I'll do 5:00.
Hey, make it 4:00, bitch! Uh, yeah, let's do 4:00 then.
- All right.
Good night, Gus.
- Bye.