Mad Love s01e06 Episode Script

In every relationship, the time will come when jealousy, that green-eyed monster, rears its ugly head.
I know it's early, but, I don't know, I think Dave might be perfect.
So I'm hung up on one little detail here.
So you went out on a date with a human man? Her third date.
- And he's a doctor.
- A human doctor.
I thought you said he was a chiropractor.
- He is.
- Oh, good.
So, in an emergency, he can massage the doctor who's actually saving your life.
And what does your girlfriend do I mean, besides deflate and fit in the box? Okay.
Drinks anyone? [Chuckles.]
The good ones don't deflate.
Oh, come on.
Erin will not stop bugging me about this case.
It's 10:30.
Stop working.
Yeah.
So, um, what does Kate think about you pulling all-nighters with your ex? I haven't told her yet, but, you know, it hasn't come up.
And why create any, you know, unnecessary drama? You're right.
You know, don't.
You can't tell Kate, you know.
You know how crazy women get.
She'll confront Erin about trying to steal her man, next thing you know, they're gonna be fighting, clawing at each other's clothes and pulling each other's hair, getting all hot and sweaty.
And you have got to tell Kate.
Tell me what? Um, well That I will be busy for the next few nights, because I am, uh I'm working on a on a case.
Yeah? Anything interesting? Nope.
[Indistinct chatter.]
Ooh, Ben, hey, I'm glad I caught you.
- About tonight - Tonight? What? Who? Oh, hello.
Erin, you remember Kate.
- Kate, Erin.
- I like your blouse.
And I'm not just saying that because you used to date Ben, and now I date Ben, and I don't want things - to be awkward.
- It's not awkward for me.
Well, it's not awkward for me either.
It's starting to get a little awkward for me.
So is this a bad time to talk about Oh, the Shefsky deposition? Yeah, can we just catch up in, like, five minutes? Fine.
And bring your revisions for the Seagate contract.
And since we'll be working through dinner, I ordered takeout from the Shanghai palace.
Don't worry.
I got your precious Peking duck and some pepto-bismol, 'cause I know it does a number on you.
- [Chuckles awkwardly.]
- [Chuckles awkwardly.]
Not every time.
This is me.
See you tonight, Ben.
Kate.
Bye.
So, um, this big case you're working on is with Erin? Yeah.
Mm-hmm.
Mm-hmm.
Did did did I not mention that? I'm pretty sure No, I told you that.
I'm pretty sure.
Didn't I mention that? - That's weird.
- Ben, calm down.
I'm totally fine with it.
Have fun.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah, bye.
- Okay.
Bye.
But what does it mean when jealousy doesn't rear its ugly head? See that, Larry.
You got me worried for nothing.
I know.
There was neither angry wrestling nor tender kissing.
It's actually a bit strange when you think about it.
That they didn't fight and then make out? - Not that strange.
- No.
That they didn't actually do anything.
You know, Kate acted like she couldn't care less.
You know, I'm actually relieved that Kate is not jealous, you know.
It shows how much we trust each other.
I don't think there's any way you could sound less confident about that.
Larry, stop, okay? We are in a great place.
I stand corrected.
That was less confident.
Our love is volatile chemical anything but typical I want you badly I love you madly If you're feeling insecure about your relationship, you can easily misread even the smallest gesture - Hey.
- Or lack of gesture.
Sorry.
Garlic pickles.
Okay.
Um, so, Kate, listen, I, uh I wanted to make sure that you were really cool with the whole Erin thing.
Oh, God, Ben, it's fine.
I couldn't care less.
Oh.
Great.
Okay.
[Chuckles.]
Uh, so, Connie, day off? No, I have to get back soon.
I'm just here to meet Dave.
That's great.
Your new boyfriend works in our building? Well, he's not my new boyfriend.
He is just a guy who left his watch at my apartment last night.
What? Ben! Ben, Ben, Ben! Ben.
I just saw her.
But she got away.
Ooh, good.
We can cancel the Amber alert.
Not right now.
- Did you get a location? - Location on what? - The white whale.
- The white whale.
Who's the white whale? The white whale, Kate, is a beautiful woman, who, like the great Moby dick, eludes me and my harpoon.
Wasn't gross until the end.
I first saw her three years ago whilst going over some work.
And she smiled a crooked little smile at me that said, "come hither, Lawrence.
" [Groans.]
She surfaces from time to time before diving back under.
But the search is over, my friend, because I saw her get on the elevator.
I watched the numbers, and I now know exactly what floor she works on.
It's either 18 or 19 or 21, 25, 29, 30, 34, 36, 40, 42, or 45.
Maybe 48.
Okay, see, you do that, but yesterday when I asked you to remember a three-digit case number, you pretended to be asleep.
- I was tired.
- We were in court.
Okay, I am going to get a cookie.
Um, Kate, can can I get you anything? No, thanks.
I'm good.
I'm good too, Ben.
- Oh, God, it's Nick.
- Huh? Who's Nick? He works in the surveillance room.
I hired him a year ago.
He's a nice guy, but he's pretty weird, and he smells like soup.
What kind of soup? - Oh, boy.
- Kate.
- Hi, Nick.
- I, uh, saw you in the old eye in the sky up there, and I thought, "I haven't seen Kate in a while.
I wonder what she's up to.
" So what are you up to? Just having some lunch with my friends Connie and Larry.
Hello.
Who ordered soup? Nick, this is my friend Ben.
Oh, hey.
Nick saw me on the old eye in the sky.
- Oh.
- Yeah, actually, I should probably get down there.
I just realized my shirt's on inside out.
Oh.
Hey, hey, hey, he works in the surveillance room? Does that mean that you have access to the surveillance room? Please.
I work in the management office.
I have access to everything.
Perfect.
Oh, my gosh, I'm not due in court until 3:00.
You can help me find my white whale.
It is totally forbidden to use the surveillance room to spy on people, Larry So let's do it.
Nice.
Minestrone.
Nick smells like minestrone.
God, I'm good with soup smells.
- I got to go see Dave.
- I'll come.
I really want to meet him.
Bye.
- Did you hear that? - What? Kate She introduced me as her "friend.
" Plus, she wouldn't kiss me when I walked up.
She has really upped the ante in your little game of love here.
Your next move, obviously, would be to have sex with a stripper.
All right, fine.
Look, look, look.
Do you want me to handle this for you, buddy? Just say the word.
I'll give her something to think about.
Larry, I don't want you to handle it for me.
All right, yeah, yeah.
I won't handle it for you.
Why are you saying you're looking at Why are you saying it like that? You're gonna do something, aren't you? No.
No, Ben.
I'm not.
Dave, I'm so glad we could finally meet.
Connie says the nicest things about you.
She does? That doesn't sound like Connie.
You're right.
That was a test, and you passed.
Hello, ladies.
Who have we here? Larry, this is Dr.
David Evans, and that's the elevator.
Oh, very nice to meet you.
I'm sorry, was it, Mr.
Evans? Dr.
Evans.
I specifically said "doctor.
" Oh, my bad I didn't realize they gave chiropractors that title too.
I'm just gonna go get a coffee.
- You have a coffee.
- I need another one.
You'll have to excuse Larry.
He just found out that the only people with his hairstyle are middle-aged lesbians.
- No, Larry's right.
I-I only went to school for seven years, whereas medical doctors go to school for eight.
See that, Larry? Seven years.
How many years do you have to go to school to be a lawyer? Technically, three, but the joke is on you, because it took me five.
Well, Larry, why don't you take my card in case you have any trouble with your lower back? - My lower back is fine.
- It won't be.
Well, I got to go.
Tell Kate it was lovely meeting her.
And, Larry I met you.
- Bye.
- Bye.
- Ugh.
- Oh.
I'm so glad he didn't like you.
I would have had to break up with him.
No, oh, no, no, no, he seems great.
Oh, he seems so great.
That's what I was just saying, except for I was lying.
He's smart and funny.
Too bad he's not handsome.
I know.
He's totally gross, right? Oh, my gosh.
I like somebody.
- And I never like anybody.
- I know.
Oh.
HelloAgain.
Hey.
Twice in one day awesome.
Still love the blouse.
Thank you.
I liked yours, too, when that style was popular.
Anyway, sorry to run, but I've got to go work with Ben.
In the deli.
I know.
I'm so excited for you guys.
So have a blast.
Kind of freaking out about Ben and Erin working together, huh? No.
Didn't you hear me? I specifically said, "have a blast," because I was so unconcerned and carefree about the whole thing.
- Uh-huh.
Connie, please, they're two lawyers working together, okay? That is all they're doing.
This Peking duck is so succulent.
It almost takes my mind off the fact that law is such sobering work.
You know, sometimes it seems like all we deal with is death.
You know the one good thing about dealing with all this death? It makes me feel so alive.
You're thinking of a scene from the porno version of the firm, aren't you? I can't believe they didn't even bother to change the name.
Fine.
I'm freaking out.
I mean, Ben and Erin have this history together, and she's this high-powered attorney, and they can talk about law stuff.
I mean, not that I can't talk about law stuff.
Well, you already know the term "law stuff.
" Don't be jealous.
Ben is a good guy.
And if you get all jealous girlfriend on him, you might just freak him out.
Oh, this is amazing, Nick.
Oh, this Oh, my gosh.
That woman just picked her bagel up off the floor and ate it, no hesitation.
You know, you really should not be spying on people, Nick.
There's a fine line between spying and securing.
They teach you that at a mandatory seminar that I was not able to attend.
Look, there's Ben And Erin.
Kate, I wanted to tell you, you are handling this really well, considering.
Considering? Yeah, Ben and Erin's undeniable chemistry It's a pretty potent brew.
I hadn't noticed.
Anyway, uh, just so you don't get your hopes up, you should know this could take hours, maybe days.
Oh, there she is! There she is! Pause that.
Pause that.
Bring it back.
Bring it back.
Oh, there she blows.
- Oh, what floor is that? - See where it says 42? - Yes.
- It's 42.
- Okay.
Thank you.
- [Clears throat.]
Do you mind just pulling the deli back up? - We already found the girl - Just show me the damn deli.
Okay, here we go.
Oh.
Oh, hot! Oh, that's pain! Oh, God, that's a lot of pain.
Kate, do you need me to zoom in on anything Any body part, whatever? - Bah-bup.
- Okay.
Quiet, you.
Where are you, sweet lady? I know you're here.
I just saw you a minute ago.
Ah! That's nice.
Hey, Dave, knocking off early? Yeah.
We're gonna go out to the Gramercy, celebrate the fifth anniversary.
- I'll see you tomorrow.
- Oh, good night.
And there's Connie, mocking me, telling me the white whale doesn't exist, and the whole time her boyfriend is married, Benjamin, married.
I mean, it's just so And you know I hate it when people use this word, but there's no other way to put it.
It is just so delicious.
Okay, you know, Larry, that if you tell Connie, - it is going to devastate her.
- Oh.
I know.
Okay, you know what? How about this? How about you tell Kate, and she can tell Connie in a nice way? Do you want me to call Kate? I can have her come up here.
- Larry, what's going on? - Do you remember how you asked me to handle the Kate situation? - Damn it, Larry.
- Listen, you were freaking out about the friend comment, and I did a little detective work, okay? It was only to help.
And I got to tell you, buddy It's not looking good.
Come here.
Larry, enough is enough.
Okay? I'm just gonna ask her myself what is going on.
[Knock at door.]
- Knock, knock.
- And there she is.
Hey, Ben.
Larry, I've been looking for you.
- Did you meet the white whale? - Uh, no.
No, no, no.
I went looking for her, but I got distracted, because I saw the most amazing thing I've ever seen in my life A bum giving another bum CPR.
Um, okay.
Well, uh, Nick told me that he knows the white whale's schedule.
He also told me my schedule, which was creepy, but also very helpful, because I seem to be wasting a lot of time in the afternoons.
Anyway, he said she gets off elevator number 12 - at 6:15.
- Oh, my gosh.
This Nick's a bit of a stalker, huh? Oh, okay, I'm gonna go camp out in the lobby and wait for her.
Thanks, Kate.
So, Kate, I want to talk to you about something.
Hello.
Kate, sorry to break this up, but we have got to get back to work.
Um, so maybe we could talk later? Yeah, sure.
Grab some coffee? - Yeah.
Sounds good.
- Okay.
Great.
- Oh! - Oh, my God.
Oh, did I get that same knee? Yeah, but it's all right.
Th that's why we have two.
[Laughs.]
Sorry.
Um, okay, bye.
Ow.
That's pain in my knee.
Hey.
What's wrong with you? Oh.
Uh, no nothing.
[Laughs.]
Nothing.
I'm I'm good.
I'm good.
I'm great, in fact, fantastic, just exceptional, superb even.
Wow.
Ben, this isn't a musical.
A simple "nothing" would suffice.
I'm sorry.
I'm eating all your fries.
You should stop me.
Ah Mm.
You are adorable.
[Giggles.]
You're not so bad yourself.
I got to pee.
How adorable is that? [Clears throat.]
Good afternoon, doctor.
I met you already.
Shouldn't have to meet you again.
[Clears throat.]
Or have a seat.
Let me ask you something.
What's it like being all handsome and stuff? Bet you do okay with the ladies, right? Throwing those bedroom eyes all over them.
You hitting on me? Oh, you'd love that, wouldn't you? No.
That would make me feel weird.
You know what makes me feel weird? Adultery.
- So don't do it.
- Don't you do it.
Are you really a lawyer? I saw you with your wife, dude, okay? You took her to the Gramercy for your five-year anniversary.
If you don't remember, I can have your buddy rob corroborate for me.
Hear that word "corroborate"? So, yeah, I'm a lawyer.
So what are you gonna do? Are you gonna You gonna tell Connie? [Clears throat.]
No.
You are.
Shaboom.
It's another lawyer term Less well known.
Kate, hey, it's me.
Um, listen, bad news Um, I'm not gonna be able to get that coffee.
Yeah.
Erin and I have to work.
Mm-hmm.
Yeah, we're gonna go to the deli and then head back up.
Might be an all-nighter.
You're okay with that, right? Good.
Okay, bye.
- What? - Baby, she has no idea about us, okay? And if we're careful, she never has to.
I mean, doesn't that make it a little more exciting? - Hey.
- Hey.
Have you been down here this whole time? What? Oh! Oh, my gosh.
Oh! Oh, it's almost 6:15 the white whale.
She's gonna be down here any minute.
Wow, so this is it, huh? Are you ready for this fantasy to become a reality? You sound like an emcee at a strip club.
What are you so happy about, huh? I just realized that something I was looking for was there all along if I just open my eyes to see it.
Are you stoned right now? You're talking like a guy who's really stoned.
All right, good luck with the whale, Ahab.
Thank you.
Don't need luck.
Got my harpoon.
Oh, good.
Deli's up.
Getting to know someone is all about getting to know their flaws.
Dip? I'm good.
And you know you're in the right relationship when those flaws just make you like that person more.
- Oh, my - Whoa.
[Giggles.]
Ugh.
Not now.
I've got to find a different way out of this building.
Well, you can't set up a zip line from the 25th floor, if that's what you're thinking, because apparently that would be too much fun.
So, um, where's Dave? I broke up with him.
Yeah.
Turns out he was a pompous ass.
So go ahead gloat.
I can take it.
I No, I'm not.
I'm not gonna gloat.
I think you've had enough of me being right for one day.
It's got to play havoc on your self-esteem.
I mean, you're already so insecure and angry and So is this you not gloating? 'Cause I'd hate to see you not sweating.
Well, cheer up, all right? I'm sure the perfect person is out there somewhere.
I'm done looking for the perfect person.
That only ends in disappointment.
From now on, I'm just looking for someone who's real.
You're not even listening to me.
What? I'm gonna go get a drink.
Uh Yeah, yeah, you know what? I guess I guess I could go with you.
I didn't invite you.
Fine.
Fine.
But you have to pay And promise not to talk to me.
Don't make me promise to do something I was already gonna do It's like me making you promise to have no plans on a Friday night.
[Elevator bell dings.]
I'm so sorry about your white whale, Larry.
Yeah, I'll find her one day.
You know, even if I don't, maybe there is as much joy in the hunt as there is in the harpooning.
- And by harpooning, I mean - We know.