Masameer County (2021) s01e06 Episode Script
Latrine of Secrets
1
THIS PROGRAM IS NOT FOR CHILDREN
IT IS A WORK OF FICTION BASED ON REALITY
WELCOME TO THE RECONCILIATION PARTY
FOR THE KHODR AND SFOR FAMILIES
MASAMEER COUNTY
Our families have been in conflict
for 500 years, Abu Sfor.
And for what? Over a camel?
Our ancestors, God rest their souls!
Compensation was refused,
and they never reconciled.
That was our ancestors' nature-- stubborn
and never thinking things through.
But that's in the past.
We live in the present.
-This reconciliation is good.
-Without a doubt.
-May this reconciliation never falter.
-Amen.
Let's pray, men!
My people the Khodr tribe
and my brothers the Sfor tribe.
God knows that you did us proud.
You're good people.
And this man, our cousin by blood,
Jaleel bin Ozayz of the Sfor tribe…
-Good man!
-God bless the Sfor tribe!
We wrote those poems.
Give us that poem, man!
Please, Abu, don't patronize us.
Stay where you are and lower your voice.
Let me say…
Even if we disagree
You are men of power and forgiveness
God bless you!
Your elders are the best of men
-Your elders are…
-Your elders are the best of men
Louder!
What didn't they memorize anything?
We will torment even loyal men
If they torment us
Those born to know camels
And who know no treason
And those born to know camels
And who know no treason
Let's start eating!
-Man, what's that noise?
-It's from the speaker.
-We ate a lot, Jaleel.
-You got that right.
Unbelievable!
Had you come to me a month ago
and told me that the Khodr and Sfor tribes
would be eating from the same platter,
I would have thought you'd lost your mind.
Man, it's the end of days.
Doomsday is near.
I just hope they'll finish their dinner.
Be positive, man. What's wrong with you?
Hope for the best and you shall find it.
I'm not comfortable.
Something is worrying me.
What's wrong with you? Are you crazy?
Our elders are brave men.
They'll never go back on their word.
I know, God bless them.
This latrine is nice.
-Excellent quality.
-Yeah, I agree.
I think they worked hard
to get it done, yeah.
No finishing or tiling.
A guy from my family built it.
Do you want me to call him?
-Who is it?
-Bin Zouaitan.
That loser.
Watch your tongue, man, for the sake
of this place and these men.
You're all right, Abu Salem.
But your cousin is a loser.
Lower your voice.
The guy is out there with his brothers.
Listen, bin Zouaitan.
You're a good man. Truly.
There is no one better than you,
in all honesty.
The truth is, you're an honest man.
He's my cousin, but he bullies us.
Why did you bring him along then?
Even antiballistic missiles
or a Vulcan cannon won't stop him.
He only came here to eat.
I don't know what to say.
But listen to this.
Each tribe has good and bad seeds.
And you, the people of the Sfor tribe,
have good and bad seeds amongst you.
-Shame on you!
-No, shame on you!
My tribe is pure,
and you can't say anything against it.
What about that man?
-What's his name?
-What's his name?
Bin Zaroob, the idiot!
-He honors us.
-He's dumb.
He refused to marry his cousin
and married a Westerner with blonde hair
to improve his progeny,
yet his sons resemble monkeys
just like him.
He has good genes.
Yeah, right! Talk about Napoleon's genes.
Yeah, laugh all you want.
Are you making fun of your cousins?
You know you can't argue with that.
I'm laughing because I know something
you don't, you weakling!
Bin Zaroob wants to marry your niece.
-What?
-The man is happy with the reconciliation,
and he says he wants to marry Furayheeda,
the daughter of Salem.
Your brother's grandchildren
will look like monkeys.
They'll say, "Uncle, we want bananas.
Hurry and get us some bananas."
Never! The girl is promised to her cousin.
Finish your dinner, Salem.
Fret not, bin Zaroob.
A man can only be shamed by his actions,
and you were always an example
of politeness and good manners,
truth be told.
Turn the speakers off, boy.
Jaleel, listen to me. Stop the gossip.
We worked so hard for this reconciliation,
and you just criticized everyone.
-Forget that.
-You're right.
You're right, Mumaneh.
We're Arabs, and this doesn't become us.
That's what I want to hear. Beautiful!
By the way, have you heard the story of…
God help us and don't expose us
in this life or the next.
Speak.
Do you remember when they held peace talks
in London for the disputing tribes?
Where our elders met two years ago?
Yes, our elders and others.
Elders of tribes from Africa, America,
Asia and Australia.
-Because London is a neutral zone.
-Yes.
So during those peace talks,
between Sheikh Sfor and Sheikh Khodr,
I went along.
-Have you been to London?
-Twice.
-Yeah. Have you been to Hyde Park?
-Yes.
At the southwest corner,
there's a bar.
God forbid!
Save your prayers.
You haven't heard anything yet.
My dear friend Sheikh Sfor
called me that day
and said, "I want you to drive me
and Sheikh bin Khodr somewhere."
I said, "As you wish."
He sent me the location.
I checked it, and it was…
-a bar.
-Just two beers after lunch.
It's good for the stomach
and helps with digestion.
Two beers. They can't hurt.
Be honest.
Our elders drink alcohol, don't they?
Stop that blasphemy.
They're our elders. Are you nuts?
When I looked closely,
I saw a barbershop next to the bar.
Elders from other tribes were going in.
Turns out they got shaves there
because it was near the meeting place.
-Yeah?
-So, our elders went in to shave.
What's the story? Speak.
The story is-- As you know,
I am very interested in genealogy.
-I study it and research it.
-Yes.
I thought, "Why don't I gather
some strands of hair from the barbershop
and send them to a lab for DNA testing?"
-And?
-So, my friend,
after two long weeks,
I received envelopes with the results.
The first result I saw was
for Sheikh Sfor and Sheikh Khodr.
Man, what was it?
When I looked,
the envelope was sealed
and this was written on it…
This means that the results
were not normal.
So I rushed and opened the envelope
and read the result, which said…
-What did it say?
-What did it say?
Shit! Goddamn cliff-hangers!
Get the sound back, boy!
RESTROOM
What was the result, Jaleel?
They had never seen anyone
with blood so pure.
Amazing!
Yeah, from Adam to this day,
their bloodline remained pure.
Did you have any doubts, Jaleel?
No, Mumaneh.
That's so we can appreciate what we have.
That's a blessing, brother,
for when I opened the results
for two other sheikhs at random--
the Shakamura and the Nakasushi elders…
From Japan?
Yes, their results
knocked the wind out of me.
The DNA of the first sheikh's children
was an exact match to the DNA
of the second sheikh's children.
Get the fuck out!
-Awesome!
-Oh, yeah!
Let's go out, Mumaneh.
It seems the festivities restarted.
Cheers, boys!
I told you
they wouldn't last through dinner.
Subtitle translation by: Muriel Daou
THIS PROGRAM IS NOT FOR CHILDREN
IT IS A WORK OF FICTION BASED ON REALITY
WELCOME TO THE RECONCILIATION PARTY
FOR THE KHODR AND SFOR FAMILIES
MASAMEER COUNTY
Our families have been in conflict
for 500 years, Abu Sfor.
And for what? Over a camel?
Our ancestors, God rest their souls!
Compensation was refused,
and they never reconciled.
That was our ancestors' nature-- stubborn
and never thinking things through.
But that's in the past.
We live in the present.
-This reconciliation is good.
-Without a doubt.
-May this reconciliation never falter.
-Amen.
Let's pray, men!
My people the Khodr tribe
and my brothers the Sfor tribe.
God knows that you did us proud.
You're good people.
And this man, our cousin by blood,
Jaleel bin Ozayz of the Sfor tribe…
-Good man!
-God bless the Sfor tribe!
We wrote those poems.
Give us that poem, man!
Please, Abu, don't patronize us.
Stay where you are and lower your voice.
Let me say…
Even if we disagree
You are men of power and forgiveness
God bless you!
Your elders are the best of men
-Your elders are…
-Your elders are the best of men
Louder!
What didn't they memorize anything?
We will torment even loyal men
If they torment us
Those born to know camels
And who know no treason
And those born to know camels
And who know no treason
Let's start eating!
-Man, what's that noise?
-It's from the speaker.
-We ate a lot, Jaleel.
-You got that right.
Unbelievable!
Had you come to me a month ago
and told me that the Khodr and Sfor tribes
would be eating from the same platter,
I would have thought you'd lost your mind.
Man, it's the end of days.
Doomsday is near.
I just hope they'll finish their dinner.
Be positive, man. What's wrong with you?
Hope for the best and you shall find it.
I'm not comfortable.
Something is worrying me.
What's wrong with you? Are you crazy?
Our elders are brave men.
They'll never go back on their word.
I know, God bless them.
This latrine is nice.
-Excellent quality.
-Yeah, I agree.
I think they worked hard
to get it done, yeah.
No finishing or tiling.
A guy from my family built it.
Do you want me to call him?
-Who is it?
-Bin Zouaitan.
That loser.
Watch your tongue, man, for the sake
of this place and these men.
You're all right, Abu Salem.
But your cousin is a loser.
Lower your voice.
The guy is out there with his brothers.
Listen, bin Zouaitan.
You're a good man. Truly.
There is no one better than you,
in all honesty.
The truth is, you're an honest man.
He's my cousin, but he bullies us.
Why did you bring him along then?
Even antiballistic missiles
or a Vulcan cannon won't stop him.
He only came here to eat.
I don't know what to say.
But listen to this.
Each tribe has good and bad seeds.
And you, the people of the Sfor tribe,
have good and bad seeds amongst you.
-Shame on you!
-No, shame on you!
My tribe is pure,
and you can't say anything against it.
What about that man?
-What's his name?
-What's his name?
Bin Zaroob, the idiot!
-He honors us.
-He's dumb.
He refused to marry his cousin
and married a Westerner with blonde hair
to improve his progeny,
yet his sons resemble monkeys
just like him.
He has good genes.
Yeah, right! Talk about Napoleon's genes.
Yeah, laugh all you want.
Are you making fun of your cousins?
You know you can't argue with that.
I'm laughing because I know something
you don't, you weakling!
Bin Zaroob wants to marry your niece.
-What?
-The man is happy with the reconciliation,
and he says he wants to marry Furayheeda,
the daughter of Salem.
Your brother's grandchildren
will look like monkeys.
They'll say, "Uncle, we want bananas.
Hurry and get us some bananas."
Never! The girl is promised to her cousin.
Finish your dinner, Salem.
Fret not, bin Zaroob.
A man can only be shamed by his actions,
and you were always an example
of politeness and good manners,
truth be told.
Turn the speakers off, boy.
Jaleel, listen to me. Stop the gossip.
We worked so hard for this reconciliation,
and you just criticized everyone.
-Forget that.
-You're right.
You're right, Mumaneh.
We're Arabs, and this doesn't become us.
That's what I want to hear. Beautiful!
By the way, have you heard the story of…
God help us and don't expose us
in this life or the next.
Speak.
Do you remember when they held peace talks
in London for the disputing tribes?
Where our elders met two years ago?
Yes, our elders and others.
Elders of tribes from Africa, America,
Asia and Australia.
-Because London is a neutral zone.
-Yes.
So during those peace talks,
between Sheikh Sfor and Sheikh Khodr,
I went along.
-Have you been to London?
-Twice.
-Yeah. Have you been to Hyde Park?
-Yes.
At the southwest corner,
there's a bar.
God forbid!
Save your prayers.
You haven't heard anything yet.
My dear friend Sheikh Sfor
called me that day
and said, "I want you to drive me
and Sheikh bin Khodr somewhere."
I said, "As you wish."
He sent me the location.
I checked it, and it was…
-a bar.
-Just two beers after lunch.
It's good for the stomach
and helps with digestion.
Two beers. They can't hurt.
Be honest.
Our elders drink alcohol, don't they?
Stop that blasphemy.
They're our elders. Are you nuts?
When I looked closely,
I saw a barbershop next to the bar.
Elders from other tribes were going in.
Turns out they got shaves there
because it was near the meeting place.
-Yeah?
-So, our elders went in to shave.
What's the story? Speak.
The story is-- As you know,
I am very interested in genealogy.
-I study it and research it.
-Yes.
I thought, "Why don't I gather
some strands of hair from the barbershop
and send them to a lab for DNA testing?"
-And?
-So, my friend,
after two long weeks,
I received envelopes with the results.
The first result I saw was
for Sheikh Sfor and Sheikh Khodr.
Man, what was it?
When I looked,
the envelope was sealed
and this was written on it…
This means that the results
were not normal.
So I rushed and opened the envelope
and read the result, which said…
-What did it say?
-What did it say?
Shit! Goddamn cliff-hangers!
Get the sound back, boy!
RESTROOM
What was the result, Jaleel?
They had never seen anyone
with blood so pure.
Amazing!
Yeah, from Adam to this day,
their bloodline remained pure.
Did you have any doubts, Jaleel?
No, Mumaneh.
That's so we can appreciate what we have.
That's a blessing, brother,
for when I opened the results
for two other sheikhs at random--
the Shakamura and the Nakasushi elders…
From Japan?
Yes, their results
knocked the wind out of me.
The DNA of the first sheikh's children
was an exact match to the DNA
of the second sheikh's children.
Get the fuck out!
-Awesome!
-Oh, yeah!
Let's go out, Mumaneh.
It seems the festivities restarted.
Cheers, boys!
I told you
they wouldn't last through dinner.
Subtitle translation by: Muriel Daou