Me, MYSELF & I (2017) s01e06 Episode Script
New Job
1 My name is Alex Riley And this is the story.
.
Of my life.
Okay, here we go.
I make this, they buy our pitch tomorrow.
Don't be nervous.
You are the greatest indoor Nerf basketball player this garage has ever seen.
Sink this.
- Two out of three? - Of course two out of three.
Yeah, who shoots just one? Come on.
A good friend is always there when you need them.
- Yeah! - Yes! A good friend believes you're capable of anything.
- I'll see you after school.
- Can't wait.
You got a date with Nori Sterling? High five.
I'm just helping her with her math homework after school.
I'll just save this for later.
Yeah, I don't think anything's ever gonna happen with us.
These things take time weeks, months, even a year.
Don't give up.
Believe me, Darryl.
If we're not together in a year, there's no way I'm still gonna like her.
I still like her.
A good friend is someone who tells you what you need to hear.
Dude, it's been 50 years.
She has a fiancé.
It's never going to happen.
[sighs.]
You know, you're right.
Okay, thanks for coming by, Darryl.
- I'll see you later.
- What are you doing? I got tons of errands to run, and then I'm gonna have lunch with Abby.
- Lunch with Eleanor at noon.
- What? No, no, no You told me to clear your schedule, so - Power down now.
- But And a good friend always forgives you when you lie to him.
Good luck with those errands, buddy.
[mellow music.]
[door clicks.]
Hey, you got it right.
Yes, I actually understand algebra.
You're such a good teacher.
- No, you are.
- Huh? [stammers.]
I mean, I like your necklace.
Oh, this? It's awful.
My aunt gave it to me and my mom made me wear it 'cause we're visiting her later.
I hate turquoise.
Yeah, me too.
Your necklace is stupid.
[door clicks.]
Hey, study buddies.
Hey, Alex, when you're done, I thought we could get going on the family time capsule.
Hey, Dad, can I throw this empty cup of yogurt in there? Son, it's not a trash can, okay? It's a time capsule.
It's meant to be a snapshot of the things we liked when we dig it up in 25 years.
I really like the yogurt.
Not a trash can.
Hey, Alex, what do you wanna put in this puppy? I can't think about this today, Ron.
After I'm done helping Nori, I've gotta come up with something for the Invention Convention.
If I win, it'll scream to the school I am Alex Riley, master inventor.
You sure you wanna scream that? I think it's cool.
Huh.
Different time.
I have a good feeling about this spot.
You said that on the last five holes.
I thought you had a map.
Well, it's been 25 years.
I have no idea where the map is.
Well, this is the last hole, man.
I got a pitch to get to.
- [clank.]
- Oh, wait.
I think I hit it.
Peter? Who's Peter? That's Justin's old hamster that ran away from home.
Oof.
Now, I know it sounds ambitious, but this idea has the potential to change the lives of thousands.
If not millions of people every day.
We can actually use the energy of moving cars to power an entire city.
There is no reason that going green doesn't mean making green.
And that, ladies and gentlemen, is the Riley Industries Kineti-Park 5000.
That is a fantastic idea.
Truly, one of the most inspired pitches I have ever heard.
Unfortunately, I can't buy it.
Okay, we'll just save these for later.
Prohibitively expensive? What does that even mean? It means they can't afford to make the prototypes.
I know what it means.
I'm just venting.
Look, it sucks, okay? But we've been down this road before, and we always bounce back.
We're out of places to pitch and I'm out of money.
I'm 39 years old and I'm living in your garage Something's gotta give.
You're 40, Alex.
Oh, you're making it worse.
Look, it'll all be okay.
I gotta use the facilities.
All right.
- Alex.
- Oh, hey.
Glad I caught you.
Yes, hi, I was just sliding down the wall.
Again, great work earlier.
Sorry we couldn't buy your pitch.
Yeah, things happen.
Sorry we won't be able to join the bidding war.
You guys validate parking, right? Hey, I have a proposition for you.
We could really use an innovator like yourself.
How would you feel about coming to work here at NHI? Work here? Wow, um, I would have to talk to Darryl Oh, Darryl's great, yeah.
But we just want you.
We've been looking for a new VP of research and development and we think you would be perfect.
Why me? I mean, I know why, it's very obvious, but why me? Too many people in this industry are all style and no substance.
You're the exact opposite.
All substance, no style? You will be well compensated with a great benefits package.
Pension, paid vacation.
Think about it.
- Ready to go? - Go where? I'm perfectly happy with where I am at right now Oh, you mean leave this place.
Yes, let's go.
[indistinct chatter.]
Well, thank you for lunch, Eleanor.
Of course.
Just consider it payment for your help in the diner last week.
Ah, you know what, in that case, ignore the invoice when it comes in the mail.
[laughs.]
Wow, look how awful that necklace is.
That's right.
You always hated turquoise.
Good memory.
[chuckles.]
So, what is on the agenda for a retired billionaire on a Wednesday? Actually, I have to find somebody to fix my roof.
That's right.
Billionaires we're just like you.
Alex, my fiancé's a roofer.
Oh? Is that so? Yeah, he's excellent.
You should call him.
Unless that would be weird for you.
Weird? Why would that be weird? Just because a few weeks ago I swept you in my arms and kissed you in the most romantic moment of my entire life? I'm totally over that.
- All right, so, you'll call him? - Yes, of course I'll call him.
My roof needs fixing, your fiancé's a roofer.
I knew you came back into my life for a reason.
Hey, you ever think about what you would be doing if you weren't doing this? Like, for work? You mean, if you and I weren't in business together? Yeah.
Well, I'd probably go back to my college job assassin for hire.
Come on, man, I'm being serious.
I mean, what would you do? I don't know.
[sighs.]
Wendy's dad is always calling me to come work for his consulting firm.
It'd be brutal, though.
You know, dude took one trip to Italy and it's all he ever talks about.
Yeah, I remember his toast at your wedding.
Ugh.
When he compared the layers of your love to a lasagna that he had in Florence.
Then it kind of all became about lasagna.
How about you? What would you do if we weren't working together? Wow, uh If I had to think about it, I'd probably take the job I was offered today or I would become an assassin for hire, that sounds like fun.
Wait, wait, wait.
You were offered a job? Yeah.
After our pitch, that executive offered me a job and I've been thinking about it.
What's there to think about? The fact that I'm not 25 anymore.
That I have a daughter that I probably shouldn't be raising in the same space that spiders raise their young.
Look, you're going through a rough patch.
I'm feeling it too.
But you don't throw all this away just for a steady paycheck.
That's easy for you to say.
I mean, you got a wife with a good job who supports you when things get tough.
I got nothing to fall back on.
I can't believe you're actually considering this.
I'm more than considering it.
I think I have to do it.
I found a spider in my ear this morning, man.
[scoffs.]
Well, at least Wendy will be happy to get me out of the garage.
Oh, come on, she loves having you here.
Take the job, Alex! Yeah.
I'll miss her too.
So, this is the Alex Riley Mush Machine 5000.
Patent pending.
So, what you do is you, uh, you hit this lever and some cereal plops down.
And then you eat it before it gets, like, really milky.
What do you think? Great idea.
Worst pitch I've ever heard.
Hey.
I'm sorry, but it needs flair and a better name and much less use of the word plop.
I only said plop once.
I know.
Look, a good idea is a good idea.
Doesn't matter how you pitch it.
Ask anyone.
And then you eat it before it gets really milky.
So, does it add mush or take away mush? Yeah, I'm confused What plops down? You know, I don't care for that word.
Mm-mm.
Are you serious? Okay, Mom, do you like it? Sweetie, you're my son.
I'm going to love it even if I hate it.
Wait.
Has this ever happened to you? You pour yourself a delicious, fresh bowl of cereal in the morning, only to discover that moments later, all of your crunchy oats and sweet marshmallows are drowning in a bowl of multicolored sludge.
- Happens to me all the time.
- All the time.
Well, that's all a thing of the past, thanks to this: the Alex Riley Crunch Controller Pro.
Patent pending.
- Both: Oh.
- That's cool.
Push this lever, and out pours one exact spoonful of cereal, letting you control your own crunch.
Control your own crunch.
That's terrific.
- Wow! - Yeah.
This I like.
[giggles.]
I like yours too, honey.
This job is gonna be an easy fix.
So, how much we looking at? Oh, no, no, no.
You're a friend.
There's no charge, but I do need a favor.
You have known Eleanor for so long, I would I'd love your advice on a gift to buy her.
She and I had a little bit of a fight last night.
Oh no.
Oh, I'm sorry to hear that.
She thinks I could be a better listener.
Well, you heard her say that.
I kinda feel like I gotta buy her a gift or something.
Usually I just make it up to her, you know, physically.
Ahh, I think she'd prefer a gift.
Maybe jewelry? I heard her say something about turquoise.
Turquoise Oh.
She loves turquoise.
And then maybe a classic Richard rubdown.
No, no.
No, no.
I think turquoise as a gift would be fine.
Don't you? Perfect.
[both chuckle.]
[upbeat pop music.]
Skateboard inside here, huh? - Whoo! - Aw! [laughing.]
Can you believe this place? It's amazing.
I'm surprised they don't have a barista.
I am the barista.
Oh, I'm sorry, I thought you worked here.
I do work here.
I'm the barista.
Right, no, I thought I meant like a regular employee.
Hey, could I bother you for a cappuccino? Coming right up.
Thanks.
Welcome.
She wants to kill me.
Good morning, everyone.
Now, before we begin, I'd like to introduce a new addition to our team.
I'm sure he's gonna bring some great ideas to the table.
Let's all welcome Alex Riley.
[clapping.]
Hey, everybody.
Uh, really excited to be here.
This place is incredible.
But I feel like I'm drinking myself to death.
[laughs.]
'Cause I'm, uh, my face is on the cappuccino.
Well then, let's get to it.
Now, the good people at Juicergizer want people drinking more juice.
They do? That's fun.
Specifically, they're looking for a better way to get the product from the box into the consumer's mouths.
So, like, like a straw? Exactly like a straw, but better.
Right, right, right.
Totally on board.
Team player here.
But, uh, isn't the straw pretty great already? Oh, it is.
But now we're going to make it even greater because they're paying us to.
All right, let's get to work, people.
I'm Alex.
Well, that's all a thing of the past.
Just push this lever [cereal clinks.]
and out pours one exact spoonful of cereal, letting you control your own crunch.
And that is the Alex Riley Crunch Controller Pro.
Patent pending.
[applause.]
Alex Riley, master inventor! Whoo! Great presentation, Mr.
Riley.
Well, the judges have heard from our three finalists.
We'll tally up the scores and announce a winner.
I thought yours was really great.
Thanks.
I thought your refrigerator backpack was awesome.
It's so heavy.
We have a decision.
The winner of this year's Invention Convention and a $10 gift certificate to Sam Goody Alex Riley.
[applause.]
Congrats, One-Nut.
Really happy for you guys.
Thanks.
Thank you, everyone.
This means so much to me.
He's gonna call you up, right? I mean, you did a bunch of the work.
Oh yeah.
He'll call me up.
I did it.
I can't believe it.
Me! I mean, he'll at least give me a shout-out.
Oh, and before I forget, I wanna thank one very special guy.
Here it comes.
Mr.
Sam Goody! [applause.]
I assume that's his new nickname for you? Whoo! Hey, Alex.
I just wanted to say again how much we're gonna miss having you around.
Thanks, Wendy, and thanks for putting together that list of moving companies for me.
No problem.
- And take all the time you need.
- Thank you.
Wendy! A guy just showed up here with a bunch of boxes and bubble wrap.
Oh, good, it's here.
Again, no rush.
[crickets chirping.]
- Hey.
- Hey.
So, how's the new job? Oh, it's going great.
Yeah, no, I think I'm doing some really substantial work.
[playful mellow music.]
[battle cry.]
[whooshes, trilling.]
How about you? You know, I didn't think I was ready for a nine to five but I like it.
You know, I got a parking spot with my name on it.
Cool.
I'm glad we're both really happy and that we absolutely made the right decision.
Yeah, and tomorrow, Wendy's dad and I we're flying out to Vegas for a conference.
You know, play a little golf in the morning The barista puts my face on coffee.
So, you think him buying her something turquoise is gonna break them up? No, but it'll be a crack in their relationship.
I'm playing the long game here.
It's been 50 years.
You playing the crazy game here.
Plus, do you really wanna win her over that way? No.
I'd rather win her over by saving her from some sort of crazy "Dog Day Afternoon" hostage situation, but you get what you get and you don't get upset.
All I'm saying is you don't have to resort to lies and some weird Al Pacino movie fantasies.
You're better than that.
I'm so proud of you, Alex.
Thanks, Mom.
I'm proud of myself.
You know who wasn't proud? One-Nut.
He seemed kinda bummed when you didn't thank him in your speech.
You didn't thank him? I thought you two were partners.
We're not partners.
I come up with the invention, he just said some words.
The words that the judges liked that helped you win the competition.
Oh, come on, I would've won with my own words.
[crickets chirping.]
Okay, maybe Darryl was kind of important.
Come to think of it, he did seem kind of weird after the Invention Convention.
Well, yeah, his feelings are hurt.
One-Nut, zero medals.
I got a good idea that'll get the creative juices flowing.
Why don't you just say any two words, see if it sparks an idea.
Seems dumb.
It's better when you use two nouns.
Look, man, why are you trying so hard? In two weeks we'll suggest making the straws longer and call it a day.
That seems like a waste of time.
That's the name of the game.
It's all about wasting time.
Keep your head low, cash those checks, and in 20 years, you'll retire.
Not trying to change the world here.
[indistinct chatter.]
Here I am, eating lunch, watching you stare at Nori Sterling.
It's middle school all over again.
Trade your pickle for a handful of fries? [scoffs.]
[knocking.]
Ah, hi, Eleanor's fiancé.
- That's her fiancé? - Yeah.
Nice pull, Nori.
I mean, yeah, if you like rugged, conventional good looks and an incredibly sweet demeanor.
[sighs.]
I feel terrible.
You let him give her the turquoise? No.
That's why I feel terrible.
[sighs.]
- I'm proud of you.
- Oh, just shut up, One-Nut.
Give me the fries.
[laughs.]
Got a lot of fries that time.
Hey, Darryl.
Oh, look who's here.
Thought you'd be hanging out with your new best friend, Sam Goody.
Look, I just wanted to come over here and apologize.
For what? I mean, you know, for I mean, come on.
Y-you know.
I do know.
But this time, I want you to come up with the words.
Look, you really helped me on this project, and I wanna keep working with you because we're an awesome team.
And together, I think we can change the world.
And the truth is, without you, I would just plop.
Couldn't have said it better myself.
Partners? Partners.
Oh, and uh, here.
You deserve this as much as I do.
Thanks, but it was your idea.
You should keep it.
But you made it better.
But you made it up.
You know what? I know exactly what to do with this.
[grunts.]
[clank.]
Oh, God, I hope that's not another hamster.
Nope, we found all the hamsters.
Could be one of the rabbits, or maybe the duck.
I think this is it.
Finally.
Here we go, Alex.
Get ready to be transported 25 years into the past.
Yogurt? Damn it, Justin.
Oh.
[chimes tinkling.]
The Crunch Controller Pro.
God, I thought anything was back possible then.
Well, what changed? [pensive music.]
Hey, I gotta catch Darryl before he flies to Vegas.
Well, that's where I put the map.
Did not think that through.
Oh.
Thank God you're here.
Thought you left.
I couldn't get on that plane.
'Cause you're feeling what I'm feeling? No, because I forgot my ID.
I literally was not allowed to get on that plane.
Ah.
What are you feeling? That this was all a mistake, us breaking up our partnership, going our separate ways.
What? I want us to get back together.
I don't know.
I mean, at first you wanted out, now you want in.
How do I know you won't change your mind again? [mellow music.]
Our first Invention Convention.
[laughs.]
We made a promise to change the world.
I'm not ready to give that up yet.
Partners? Partners.
You know, some things just can't be improved upon.
You're my straw.
Thanks, man.
Hey, what the hell does that mean? Sometimes, a friend pushes us to accomplish something we could not have done on our own.
Sometimes, a friend is there to push you to do what's right even when it's not what you want to do.
You know what, you're right.
Time to move on.
Give them some space.
See what happens.
Guy's a roofer.
One gust of wind Oh, come on, I'm kidding.
Well, if you really wanna move on, I know of a great dating site.
And I may have already started a profile for you.
All you have to do is answer a few questions.
Your interests, ideal date How about I just say I'm a billionaire? - That'll work.
- Yeah.
And sometimes, that same friend is there to help you push forward in life.
How water heater, hockey sticks.
Okay, so a heated hockey stick that keeps your hands warm while you are on the ice.
Oh, my God, that's brilliant.
It would be more brilliant if the players weren't already wearing gloves.
- Bummer.
- Yeah.
Because while good friends help you do good things, it's your best friends that help you do great things.
Now, wait, what's this? Oh, that's just some stupid idea I scribbled down when I was bored at work.
No, man.
This could change the world.
It doesn't need to change the world.
It just needs to get you out of my garage.
- She will miss you.
- Yeah.
I'll miss her too.
[laughs.]
.
Of my life.
Okay, here we go.
I make this, they buy our pitch tomorrow.
Don't be nervous.
You are the greatest indoor Nerf basketball player this garage has ever seen.
Sink this.
- Two out of three? - Of course two out of three.
Yeah, who shoots just one? Come on.
A good friend is always there when you need them.
- Yeah! - Yes! A good friend believes you're capable of anything.
- I'll see you after school.
- Can't wait.
You got a date with Nori Sterling? High five.
I'm just helping her with her math homework after school.
I'll just save this for later.
Yeah, I don't think anything's ever gonna happen with us.
These things take time weeks, months, even a year.
Don't give up.
Believe me, Darryl.
If we're not together in a year, there's no way I'm still gonna like her.
I still like her.
A good friend is someone who tells you what you need to hear.
Dude, it's been 50 years.
She has a fiancé.
It's never going to happen.
[sighs.]
You know, you're right.
Okay, thanks for coming by, Darryl.
- I'll see you later.
- What are you doing? I got tons of errands to run, and then I'm gonna have lunch with Abby.
- Lunch with Eleanor at noon.
- What? No, no, no You told me to clear your schedule, so - Power down now.
- But And a good friend always forgives you when you lie to him.
Good luck with those errands, buddy.
[mellow music.]
[door clicks.]
Hey, you got it right.
Yes, I actually understand algebra.
You're such a good teacher.
- No, you are.
- Huh? [stammers.]
I mean, I like your necklace.
Oh, this? It's awful.
My aunt gave it to me and my mom made me wear it 'cause we're visiting her later.
I hate turquoise.
Yeah, me too.
Your necklace is stupid.
[door clicks.]
Hey, study buddies.
Hey, Alex, when you're done, I thought we could get going on the family time capsule.
Hey, Dad, can I throw this empty cup of yogurt in there? Son, it's not a trash can, okay? It's a time capsule.
It's meant to be a snapshot of the things we liked when we dig it up in 25 years.
I really like the yogurt.
Not a trash can.
Hey, Alex, what do you wanna put in this puppy? I can't think about this today, Ron.
After I'm done helping Nori, I've gotta come up with something for the Invention Convention.
If I win, it'll scream to the school I am Alex Riley, master inventor.
You sure you wanna scream that? I think it's cool.
Huh.
Different time.
I have a good feeling about this spot.
You said that on the last five holes.
I thought you had a map.
Well, it's been 25 years.
I have no idea where the map is.
Well, this is the last hole, man.
I got a pitch to get to.
- [clank.]
- Oh, wait.
I think I hit it.
Peter? Who's Peter? That's Justin's old hamster that ran away from home.
Oof.
Now, I know it sounds ambitious, but this idea has the potential to change the lives of thousands.
If not millions of people every day.
We can actually use the energy of moving cars to power an entire city.
There is no reason that going green doesn't mean making green.
And that, ladies and gentlemen, is the Riley Industries Kineti-Park 5000.
That is a fantastic idea.
Truly, one of the most inspired pitches I have ever heard.
Unfortunately, I can't buy it.
Okay, we'll just save these for later.
Prohibitively expensive? What does that even mean? It means they can't afford to make the prototypes.
I know what it means.
I'm just venting.
Look, it sucks, okay? But we've been down this road before, and we always bounce back.
We're out of places to pitch and I'm out of money.
I'm 39 years old and I'm living in your garage Something's gotta give.
You're 40, Alex.
Oh, you're making it worse.
Look, it'll all be okay.
I gotta use the facilities.
All right.
- Alex.
- Oh, hey.
Glad I caught you.
Yes, hi, I was just sliding down the wall.
Again, great work earlier.
Sorry we couldn't buy your pitch.
Yeah, things happen.
Sorry we won't be able to join the bidding war.
You guys validate parking, right? Hey, I have a proposition for you.
We could really use an innovator like yourself.
How would you feel about coming to work here at NHI? Work here? Wow, um, I would have to talk to Darryl Oh, Darryl's great, yeah.
But we just want you.
We've been looking for a new VP of research and development and we think you would be perfect.
Why me? I mean, I know why, it's very obvious, but why me? Too many people in this industry are all style and no substance.
You're the exact opposite.
All substance, no style? You will be well compensated with a great benefits package.
Pension, paid vacation.
Think about it.
- Ready to go? - Go where? I'm perfectly happy with where I am at right now Oh, you mean leave this place.
Yes, let's go.
[indistinct chatter.]
Well, thank you for lunch, Eleanor.
Of course.
Just consider it payment for your help in the diner last week.
Ah, you know what, in that case, ignore the invoice when it comes in the mail.
[laughs.]
Wow, look how awful that necklace is.
That's right.
You always hated turquoise.
Good memory.
[chuckles.]
So, what is on the agenda for a retired billionaire on a Wednesday? Actually, I have to find somebody to fix my roof.
That's right.
Billionaires we're just like you.
Alex, my fiancé's a roofer.
Oh? Is that so? Yeah, he's excellent.
You should call him.
Unless that would be weird for you.
Weird? Why would that be weird? Just because a few weeks ago I swept you in my arms and kissed you in the most romantic moment of my entire life? I'm totally over that.
- All right, so, you'll call him? - Yes, of course I'll call him.
My roof needs fixing, your fiancé's a roofer.
I knew you came back into my life for a reason.
Hey, you ever think about what you would be doing if you weren't doing this? Like, for work? You mean, if you and I weren't in business together? Yeah.
Well, I'd probably go back to my college job assassin for hire.
Come on, man, I'm being serious.
I mean, what would you do? I don't know.
[sighs.]
Wendy's dad is always calling me to come work for his consulting firm.
It'd be brutal, though.
You know, dude took one trip to Italy and it's all he ever talks about.
Yeah, I remember his toast at your wedding.
Ugh.
When he compared the layers of your love to a lasagna that he had in Florence.
Then it kind of all became about lasagna.
How about you? What would you do if we weren't working together? Wow, uh If I had to think about it, I'd probably take the job I was offered today or I would become an assassin for hire, that sounds like fun.
Wait, wait, wait.
You were offered a job? Yeah.
After our pitch, that executive offered me a job and I've been thinking about it.
What's there to think about? The fact that I'm not 25 anymore.
That I have a daughter that I probably shouldn't be raising in the same space that spiders raise their young.
Look, you're going through a rough patch.
I'm feeling it too.
But you don't throw all this away just for a steady paycheck.
That's easy for you to say.
I mean, you got a wife with a good job who supports you when things get tough.
I got nothing to fall back on.
I can't believe you're actually considering this.
I'm more than considering it.
I think I have to do it.
I found a spider in my ear this morning, man.
[scoffs.]
Well, at least Wendy will be happy to get me out of the garage.
Oh, come on, she loves having you here.
Take the job, Alex! Yeah.
I'll miss her too.
So, this is the Alex Riley Mush Machine 5000.
Patent pending.
So, what you do is you, uh, you hit this lever and some cereal plops down.
And then you eat it before it gets, like, really milky.
What do you think? Great idea.
Worst pitch I've ever heard.
Hey.
I'm sorry, but it needs flair and a better name and much less use of the word plop.
I only said plop once.
I know.
Look, a good idea is a good idea.
Doesn't matter how you pitch it.
Ask anyone.
And then you eat it before it gets really milky.
So, does it add mush or take away mush? Yeah, I'm confused What plops down? You know, I don't care for that word.
Mm-mm.
Are you serious? Okay, Mom, do you like it? Sweetie, you're my son.
I'm going to love it even if I hate it.
Wait.
Has this ever happened to you? You pour yourself a delicious, fresh bowl of cereal in the morning, only to discover that moments later, all of your crunchy oats and sweet marshmallows are drowning in a bowl of multicolored sludge.
- Happens to me all the time.
- All the time.
Well, that's all a thing of the past, thanks to this: the Alex Riley Crunch Controller Pro.
Patent pending.
- Both: Oh.
- That's cool.
Push this lever, and out pours one exact spoonful of cereal, letting you control your own crunch.
Control your own crunch.
That's terrific.
- Wow! - Yeah.
This I like.
[giggles.]
I like yours too, honey.
This job is gonna be an easy fix.
So, how much we looking at? Oh, no, no, no.
You're a friend.
There's no charge, but I do need a favor.
You have known Eleanor for so long, I would I'd love your advice on a gift to buy her.
She and I had a little bit of a fight last night.
Oh no.
Oh, I'm sorry to hear that.
She thinks I could be a better listener.
Well, you heard her say that.
I kinda feel like I gotta buy her a gift or something.
Usually I just make it up to her, you know, physically.
Ahh, I think she'd prefer a gift.
Maybe jewelry? I heard her say something about turquoise.
Turquoise Oh.
She loves turquoise.
And then maybe a classic Richard rubdown.
No, no.
No, no.
I think turquoise as a gift would be fine.
Don't you? Perfect.
[both chuckle.]
[upbeat pop music.]
Skateboard inside here, huh? - Whoo! - Aw! [laughing.]
Can you believe this place? It's amazing.
I'm surprised they don't have a barista.
I am the barista.
Oh, I'm sorry, I thought you worked here.
I do work here.
I'm the barista.
Right, no, I thought I meant like a regular employee.
Hey, could I bother you for a cappuccino? Coming right up.
Thanks.
Welcome.
She wants to kill me.
Good morning, everyone.
Now, before we begin, I'd like to introduce a new addition to our team.
I'm sure he's gonna bring some great ideas to the table.
Let's all welcome Alex Riley.
[clapping.]
Hey, everybody.
Uh, really excited to be here.
This place is incredible.
But I feel like I'm drinking myself to death.
[laughs.]
'Cause I'm, uh, my face is on the cappuccino.
Well then, let's get to it.
Now, the good people at Juicergizer want people drinking more juice.
They do? That's fun.
Specifically, they're looking for a better way to get the product from the box into the consumer's mouths.
So, like, like a straw? Exactly like a straw, but better.
Right, right, right.
Totally on board.
Team player here.
But, uh, isn't the straw pretty great already? Oh, it is.
But now we're going to make it even greater because they're paying us to.
All right, let's get to work, people.
I'm Alex.
Well, that's all a thing of the past.
Just push this lever [cereal clinks.]
and out pours one exact spoonful of cereal, letting you control your own crunch.
And that is the Alex Riley Crunch Controller Pro.
Patent pending.
[applause.]
Alex Riley, master inventor! Whoo! Great presentation, Mr.
Riley.
Well, the judges have heard from our three finalists.
We'll tally up the scores and announce a winner.
I thought yours was really great.
Thanks.
I thought your refrigerator backpack was awesome.
It's so heavy.
We have a decision.
The winner of this year's Invention Convention and a $10 gift certificate to Sam Goody Alex Riley.
[applause.]
Congrats, One-Nut.
Really happy for you guys.
Thanks.
Thank you, everyone.
This means so much to me.
He's gonna call you up, right? I mean, you did a bunch of the work.
Oh yeah.
He'll call me up.
I did it.
I can't believe it.
Me! I mean, he'll at least give me a shout-out.
Oh, and before I forget, I wanna thank one very special guy.
Here it comes.
Mr.
Sam Goody! [applause.]
I assume that's his new nickname for you? Whoo! Hey, Alex.
I just wanted to say again how much we're gonna miss having you around.
Thanks, Wendy, and thanks for putting together that list of moving companies for me.
No problem.
- And take all the time you need.
- Thank you.
Wendy! A guy just showed up here with a bunch of boxes and bubble wrap.
Oh, good, it's here.
Again, no rush.
[crickets chirping.]
- Hey.
- Hey.
So, how's the new job? Oh, it's going great.
Yeah, no, I think I'm doing some really substantial work.
[playful mellow music.]
[battle cry.]
[whooshes, trilling.]
How about you? You know, I didn't think I was ready for a nine to five but I like it.
You know, I got a parking spot with my name on it.
Cool.
I'm glad we're both really happy and that we absolutely made the right decision.
Yeah, and tomorrow, Wendy's dad and I we're flying out to Vegas for a conference.
You know, play a little golf in the morning The barista puts my face on coffee.
So, you think him buying her something turquoise is gonna break them up? No, but it'll be a crack in their relationship.
I'm playing the long game here.
It's been 50 years.
You playing the crazy game here.
Plus, do you really wanna win her over that way? No.
I'd rather win her over by saving her from some sort of crazy "Dog Day Afternoon" hostage situation, but you get what you get and you don't get upset.
All I'm saying is you don't have to resort to lies and some weird Al Pacino movie fantasies.
You're better than that.
I'm so proud of you, Alex.
Thanks, Mom.
I'm proud of myself.
You know who wasn't proud? One-Nut.
He seemed kinda bummed when you didn't thank him in your speech.
You didn't thank him? I thought you two were partners.
We're not partners.
I come up with the invention, he just said some words.
The words that the judges liked that helped you win the competition.
Oh, come on, I would've won with my own words.
[crickets chirping.]
Okay, maybe Darryl was kind of important.
Come to think of it, he did seem kind of weird after the Invention Convention.
Well, yeah, his feelings are hurt.
One-Nut, zero medals.
I got a good idea that'll get the creative juices flowing.
Why don't you just say any two words, see if it sparks an idea.
Seems dumb.
It's better when you use two nouns.
Look, man, why are you trying so hard? In two weeks we'll suggest making the straws longer and call it a day.
That seems like a waste of time.
That's the name of the game.
It's all about wasting time.
Keep your head low, cash those checks, and in 20 years, you'll retire.
Not trying to change the world here.
[indistinct chatter.]
Here I am, eating lunch, watching you stare at Nori Sterling.
It's middle school all over again.
Trade your pickle for a handful of fries? [scoffs.]
[knocking.]
Ah, hi, Eleanor's fiancé.
- That's her fiancé? - Yeah.
Nice pull, Nori.
I mean, yeah, if you like rugged, conventional good looks and an incredibly sweet demeanor.
[sighs.]
I feel terrible.
You let him give her the turquoise? No.
That's why I feel terrible.
[sighs.]
- I'm proud of you.
- Oh, just shut up, One-Nut.
Give me the fries.
[laughs.]
Got a lot of fries that time.
Hey, Darryl.
Oh, look who's here.
Thought you'd be hanging out with your new best friend, Sam Goody.
Look, I just wanted to come over here and apologize.
For what? I mean, you know, for I mean, come on.
Y-you know.
I do know.
But this time, I want you to come up with the words.
Look, you really helped me on this project, and I wanna keep working with you because we're an awesome team.
And together, I think we can change the world.
And the truth is, without you, I would just plop.
Couldn't have said it better myself.
Partners? Partners.
Oh, and uh, here.
You deserve this as much as I do.
Thanks, but it was your idea.
You should keep it.
But you made it better.
But you made it up.
You know what? I know exactly what to do with this.
[grunts.]
[clank.]
Oh, God, I hope that's not another hamster.
Nope, we found all the hamsters.
Could be one of the rabbits, or maybe the duck.
I think this is it.
Finally.
Here we go, Alex.
Get ready to be transported 25 years into the past.
Yogurt? Damn it, Justin.
Oh.
[chimes tinkling.]
The Crunch Controller Pro.
God, I thought anything was back possible then.
Well, what changed? [pensive music.]
Hey, I gotta catch Darryl before he flies to Vegas.
Well, that's where I put the map.
Did not think that through.
Oh.
Thank God you're here.
Thought you left.
I couldn't get on that plane.
'Cause you're feeling what I'm feeling? No, because I forgot my ID.
I literally was not allowed to get on that plane.
Ah.
What are you feeling? That this was all a mistake, us breaking up our partnership, going our separate ways.
What? I want us to get back together.
I don't know.
I mean, at first you wanted out, now you want in.
How do I know you won't change your mind again? [mellow music.]
Our first Invention Convention.
[laughs.]
We made a promise to change the world.
I'm not ready to give that up yet.
Partners? Partners.
You know, some things just can't be improved upon.
You're my straw.
Thanks, man.
Hey, what the hell does that mean? Sometimes, a friend pushes us to accomplish something we could not have done on our own.
Sometimes, a friend is there to push you to do what's right even when it's not what you want to do.
You know what, you're right.
Time to move on.
Give them some space.
See what happens.
Guy's a roofer.
One gust of wind Oh, come on, I'm kidding.
Well, if you really wanna move on, I know of a great dating site.
And I may have already started a profile for you.
All you have to do is answer a few questions.
Your interests, ideal date How about I just say I'm a billionaire? - That'll work.
- Yeah.
And sometimes, that same friend is there to help you push forward in life.
How water heater, hockey sticks.
Okay, so a heated hockey stick that keeps your hands warm while you are on the ice.
Oh, my God, that's brilliant.
It would be more brilliant if the players weren't already wearing gloves.
- Bummer.
- Yeah.
Because while good friends help you do good things, it's your best friends that help you do great things.
Now, wait, what's this? Oh, that's just some stupid idea I scribbled down when I was bored at work.
No, man.
This could change the world.
It doesn't need to change the world.
It just needs to get you out of my garage.
- She will miss you.
- Yeah.
I'll miss her too.
[laughs.]