Merlin: Secrets & Magic (2009) s01e06 Episode Script
Con troll Freak
Welcome to Secrets And Magic, the series that goes behind the scenes to reveal how Merlin's made.
Coming up, we take a TROLL backstage, and find out what's on the menu for guest star Sarah Parish.
She had to eat from a plate that had maggots on the other side of it.
And if that didn't turn your stomach, maybe this will.
Yes, there was some troll loving going on.
WHISPERED: Je t'aime Plus, we take a closer look at Camelot's magic-fearing monarch.
He is the Queen of Hearts, he's the threat of the series, really.
All this and more on Secrets And Magic.
It's a tough life playing a troll, as Sarah Parish knows all too well.
The guest star is back in the hot seat, getting transformed into the burping, slurping object of Uther's affection.
It takes two and a half hours to put on.
And it's a big, big prosthetic head, and a big fat suit.
And big tusks, and contact lenses, and a horrible old wig.
It was a long, long process.
I always moan about how long I spend in hair and make-up cos I'm not good at sitting still, but usually, I'm the first in.
And when I turned up on set, she'd already been there for two hours.
I've worked with Sarah before.
She's great.
'When she was in the suit, it was quite a struggle.
'She was in full head and shoulders make-up and then, on top of that, 'she had the fat suit.
' So, difficult.
So, I was acutely aware, you know, of her struggle.
Hopefully, I would say I'm totally unrecognisable.
And if anyone does say they knew it was me, I'll kill them.
'But she's a trooper.
' She went right the way through without a murmur, without a moan.
If the prosthetics weren't torturous enough, on set, she then had to face some four-star troll cuisine.
MUNCHING 'I have to say,' Sarah Parish deserves a medal for the mulch that she ate 'that was, uh 'black goo.
' I think it was bananas and chocolate, 'and stuff.
' In that particular instance, I think it was difficult for her to keep it down.
LAUGHTER LAUGHING: Cut! I saw the plates of food going through, they had put apples and pears in the microwave and made them all soggy, and then put food colouring in them to make them all mouldy and grotesque.
She had to eat from a plate with maggots on the other side of it.
So, I really didn't envy her at all.
You think that it can't get they can't push the joke any more.
And then, the second part just gets hilarious.
It was brilliant.
I did many things that I regret.
Father But I really don't want to know the details.
THE TROLL GASPS BARRY WHITE: #.
.
my last, my everything # Yes, there was some troll loving going on.
.
.
all my dreams 'So, there's a bit of troll love,' which is really disgusting, but really funny, as well.
No, they're hilarious.
.
.
my guiding star My kind of wonderful That's what you are.
Yes, my lord.
Another face that's becoming familiar around the castle is that of the considerably better-looking Sir Leon.
You are the future king, my lord.
I'm the dogsbody of Camelot.
But it was back in the beginning of the series when this dogsbody eventually had his day.
It was kind of terrifying.
This beautiful scene that Colin and Richard had been doing, I had to interrupt with a knock on the door and come in, and deliver this line.
And so, my first scene, I opened the door and managed to forget exactly what my line was, even though I'd been practising for many days.
Where did this chicken come from? Come in! The king and .
.
requires your presence immediately.
Cut! And I thought, that's it, I'm going to be cut.
Thankfully, he survived that first slip-up, and now has his feet firmly under the table.
They got to stand up for the people of Camelot when Uther gets under the spell.
It was nice to be able to to actually put myself out there a little bit.
.
.
16, take one.
Action.
MUNCHING AND CACKLING EVILLY THEY LAUGH TOGETHER Tell them about our plan.
Plan! We are introducing further taxes.
Sire, we can't.
The people have given all they can.
You told me that before, and yet our coffer is full.
THE TROLL BREAKS WIND But your people are already going hungry.
Are you questioning my orders? It's just If we take more, they'll starve.
Who are you to tell me what's best for my people? You will collect more taxes or you will lose your head.
TROLL CACKLES EVILLY Lose your head! Lose his head! It's the weirdest thing in the world, meeting, first of all, an actress who has a troll head, which was so realistic, it's quite bizarre.
So that was fun, and then, in the same episode, there's a comedy scene with Richard and I, as we say to Uther You do realise your wife is a troll, sire? I beg your pardon? At least that's the way she looks to us.
What with the warts, and the .
.
nose.
And the smell.
The smell? What? She also has what appears to be a set of fangs.
What?! I wouldn't really say they were fangs, more like tusks.
Yes, they are more like tusks.
Not that we're saying that that's necessarily a bad thing, I just thought I should point it out to you in case it had passed you by.
Being in a scene with these incredible actors that you've always looked up to, and hoped one day you would get the chance to meet, and then you're working with not just one but two or four of these guys.
'I just really enjoyed it.
' I love learning so much from people and watching people work.
And to be able to do a little You know, it was just a tiny little comedy scene with Richard, and just to be able to do that, it was just amazing.
The next person to insult Queen Catrina .
.
will be charged with treason and beheaded.
Uther Pendragon, a man on a crusade against the dark arts.
There is no room for magic in my kingdom! Camelot will not fall to a sorcerer while I'm king! Take care, child, or I'll have you restrained.
No! Seize her! I want the pleasure of killing you myself.
I'll see you're let out in a week.
There were magical times in Camelot, and I put an end to that, because, as far as I'm concerned, no-one can deal in magic without being drawn to the dark side.
Gaius, you've long been my ally in the war against sorcery.
You, more than anyone, should not give in to these irrational fears.
It's a tricky part for Tony because it would be very easy to play Uther on one note.
He is the Queen of Hearts, he's the threat of the series, really, and he's a very, very important part to the show because he's the one that has banished magic.
You can see why he believes magic is so dark and so wrong.
And it is for his own reasons.
In a way, we discover that it is his own fault.
No-one but you or I will ever know the secret of Arthur's birth.
His wife, who could not have children, Uther did a deal with Nimueh so that she would have a child.
I used the magic you so despise to give your barren wife the son you craved.
Don't ever speak of her in that way.
She died giving birth to your son.
It was not my choice.
That is the law of magic.
To create a life, there had to be a death, the balance of the world had to be repaid.
You knew it would kill her.
No, you're wrong.
'I think, like all bullies,' um, it stems out of insecurity.
And Uther is you know, he is insecure.
If I had foreseen her death and the terrible retribution you would seek .
.
I would never have granted your wish.
He thinks, by wiping out anybody that's practising it that you can eradicate magic from the land, but of course you can't, it's deeply ingrained.
That is enough to shake anybody that thinks they've got it sorted.
But unfortunately for the insecure Uther, the magic he fears is much closer to the monarchy than he even realises.
As time goes on, and Morgana suddenly starts to realise what she is, and what she is is in direct violation of everything that Uther holds dear, 'Morgana feels that he is vehemently opposed to her.
' I was so, so worried about you.
'So, you're watching it, it's a ticking time bomb, 'the two of them will come to a head at some point.
' Please.
And it seems her maid Gwen has a grievance with him, too.
He killed my dad last series so I don't like him very much, obviously.
So, I think Gwen tends to keep away from him.
But Anthony Head is absolutely lovely, and we get on really well.
For the part of Uther, we always had Tony Head on our casting list, which, obviously, you know, I was huge Buffy fan so, for me, he was perfect casting as Uther.
And, um, I remember the first day um, that I met him, I was completely starstruck, I was so thrilled that he was playing the part.
And the great thing about Tony, having done Buffy, is he understands the world of high concept acting.
It's not about just being naturalistic, it's about finding the reality and the truth of this fantasy world, and also, at the same time, slightly tipping a wink to that, and enjoying that performance, and not taking it too seriously, sometimes.
After all the sacrifices I've made for him.
Oh, you're tense.
Is it any surprise? The lack of respect he shows IN PAIN:.
.
me! Oh, I'm sorry, did that hurt? IN PAIN: No, of course not.
Your hands are surprisingly strong for one so delicate.
But having that wealth of experience doing Buffy, um, makes Tony a very valid member of our ensemble, really.
'The first day I met Anthony,' I said, "By the way, you'll probably want to avoid me "because I'm a bit of a closet Buffy fan.
Keep that on the quiet.
" Shut up! The image I have of him of being a stiff librarian disappears, and he's just a warm man who kind of makes you feel quite comfortable.
Merlin fans, what colour is this? OK? Col, what do you reckon? It's blue.
I'm going to go with the teal option.
It's more teal than blue.
You've never seen teal.
You've obviously never seen blue! 'Bradley's very funny.
' He has a very dry humour.
I'll get over it, I'm sure, in about five minutes' time.
His relationship with me, off set, is very funny.
We're always calling each other Father and Son.
You're my only son.
And I wouldn't wish for another.
Anthony and I have been working on our father/son dynamic off-screen.
He'll have something and I'll borrow it off him, and then he'll say, "You will give me that back?" And I'll go, "Yeah, yeah," and then not give it him back, at least for a while.
You know, our relationship on camera has changed as well because Arthur is growing, as a man, and Uther is sort of beginning to feel a bit wobbly, I think, in one way or another.
I'd like to thank you for exposing this attack on our estate.
Once again, magic was used to strike at the heart of Camelot.
You mean your heart? How many nights did you share a bed with the troll? Obviously, I was under its spell.
Maybe season two, Uther they might back off Uther.
They might be bored of his old rant, but actually, no, um, we have more life yet.
Red Bee Media Ltd
Coming up, we take a TROLL backstage, and find out what's on the menu for guest star Sarah Parish.
She had to eat from a plate that had maggots on the other side of it.
And if that didn't turn your stomach, maybe this will.
Yes, there was some troll loving going on.
WHISPERED: Je t'aime Plus, we take a closer look at Camelot's magic-fearing monarch.
He is the Queen of Hearts, he's the threat of the series, really.
All this and more on Secrets And Magic.
It's a tough life playing a troll, as Sarah Parish knows all too well.
The guest star is back in the hot seat, getting transformed into the burping, slurping object of Uther's affection.
It takes two and a half hours to put on.
And it's a big, big prosthetic head, and a big fat suit.
And big tusks, and contact lenses, and a horrible old wig.
It was a long, long process.
I always moan about how long I spend in hair and make-up cos I'm not good at sitting still, but usually, I'm the first in.
And when I turned up on set, she'd already been there for two hours.
I've worked with Sarah before.
She's great.
'When she was in the suit, it was quite a struggle.
'She was in full head and shoulders make-up and then, on top of that, 'she had the fat suit.
' So, difficult.
So, I was acutely aware, you know, of her struggle.
Hopefully, I would say I'm totally unrecognisable.
And if anyone does say they knew it was me, I'll kill them.
'But she's a trooper.
' She went right the way through without a murmur, without a moan.
If the prosthetics weren't torturous enough, on set, she then had to face some four-star troll cuisine.
MUNCHING 'I have to say,' Sarah Parish deserves a medal for the mulch that she ate 'that was, uh 'black goo.
' I think it was bananas and chocolate, 'and stuff.
' In that particular instance, I think it was difficult for her to keep it down.
LAUGHTER LAUGHING: Cut! I saw the plates of food going through, they had put apples and pears in the microwave and made them all soggy, and then put food colouring in them to make them all mouldy and grotesque.
She had to eat from a plate with maggots on the other side of it.
So, I really didn't envy her at all.
You think that it can't get they can't push the joke any more.
And then, the second part just gets hilarious.
It was brilliant.
I did many things that I regret.
Father But I really don't want to know the details.
THE TROLL GASPS BARRY WHITE: #.
.
my last, my everything # Yes, there was some troll loving going on.
.
.
all my dreams 'So, there's a bit of troll love,' which is really disgusting, but really funny, as well.
No, they're hilarious.
.
.
my guiding star My kind of wonderful That's what you are.
Yes, my lord.
Another face that's becoming familiar around the castle is that of the considerably better-looking Sir Leon.
You are the future king, my lord.
I'm the dogsbody of Camelot.
But it was back in the beginning of the series when this dogsbody eventually had his day.
It was kind of terrifying.
This beautiful scene that Colin and Richard had been doing, I had to interrupt with a knock on the door and come in, and deliver this line.
And so, my first scene, I opened the door and managed to forget exactly what my line was, even though I'd been practising for many days.
Where did this chicken come from? Come in! The king and .
.
requires your presence immediately.
Cut! And I thought, that's it, I'm going to be cut.
Thankfully, he survived that first slip-up, and now has his feet firmly under the table.
They got to stand up for the people of Camelot when Uther gets under the spell.
It was nice to be able to to actually put myself out there a little bit.
.
.
16, take one.
Action.
MUNCHING AND CACKLING EVILLY THEY LAUGH TOGETHER Tell them about our plan.
Plan! We are introducing further taxes.
Sire, we can't.
The people have given all they can.
You told me that before, and yet our coffer is full.
THE TROLL BREAKS WIND But your people are already going hungry.
Are you questioning my orders? It's just If we take more, they'll starve.
Who are you to tell me what's best for my people? You will collect more taxes or you will lose your head.
TROLL CACKLES EVILLY Lose your head! Lose his head! It's the weirdest thing in the world, meeting, first of all, an actress who has a troll head, which was so realistic, it's quite bizarre.
So that was fun, and then, in the same episode, there's a comedy scene with Richard and I, as we say to Uther You do realise your wife is a troll, sire? I beg your pardon? At least that's the way she looks to us.
What with the warts, and the .
.
nose.
And the smell.
The smell? What? She also has what appears to be a set of fangs.
What?! I wouldn't really say they were fangs, more like tusks.
Yes, they are more like tusks.
Not that we're saying that that's necessarily a bad thing, I just thought I should point it out to you in case it had passed you by.
Being in a scene with these incredible actors that you've always looked up to, and hoped one day you would get the chance to meet, and then you're working with not just one but two or four of these guys.
'I just really enjoyed it.
' I love learning so much from people and watching people work.
And to be able to do a little You know, it was just a tiny little comedy scene with Richard, and just to be able to do that, it was just amazing.
The next person to insult Queen Catrina .
.
will be charged with treason and beheaded.
Uther Pendragon, a man on a crusade against the dark arts.
There is no room for magic in my kingdom! Camelot will not fall to a sorcerer while I'm king! Take care, child, or I'll have you restrained.
No! Seize her! I want the pleasure of killing you myself.
I'll see you're let out in a week.
There were magical times in Camelot, and I put an end to that, because, as far as I'm concerned, no-one can deal in magic without being drawn to the dark side.
Gaius, you've long been my ally in the war against sorcery.
You, more than anyone, should not give in to these irrational fears.
It's a tricky part for Tony because it would be very easy to play Uther on one note.
He is the Queen of Hearts, he's the threat of the series, really, and he's a very, very important part to the show because he's the one that has banished magic.
You can see why he believes magic is so dark and so wrong.
And it is for his own reasons.
In a way, we discover that it is his own fault.
No-one but you or I will ever know the secret of Arthur's birth.
His wife, who could not have children, Uther did a deal with Nimueh so that she would have a child.
I used the magic you so despise to give your barren wife the son you craved.
Don't ever speak of her in that way.
She died giving birth to your son.
It was not my choice.
That is the law of magic.
To create a life, there had to be a death, the balance of the world had to be repaid.
You knew it would kill her.
No, you're wrong.
'I think, like all bullies,' um, it stems out of insecurity.
And Uther is you know, he is insecure.
If I had foreseen her death and the terrible retribution you would seek .
.
I would never have granted your wish.
He thinks, by wiping out anybody that's practising it that you can eradicate magic from the land, but of course you can't, it's deeply ingrained.
That is enough to shake anybody that thinks they've got it sorted.
But unfortunately for the insecure Uther, the magic he fears is much closer to the monarchy than he even realises.
As time goes on, and Morgana suddenly starts to realise what she is, and what she is is in direct violation of everything that Uther holds dear, 'Morgana feels that he is vehemently opposed to her.
' I was so, so worried about you.
'So, you're watching it, it's a ticking time bomb, 'the two of them will come to a head at some point.
' Please.
And it seems her maid Gwen has a grievance with him, too.
He killed my dad last series so I don't like him very much, obviously.
So, I think Gwen tends to keep away from him.
But Anthony Head is absolutely lovely, and we get on really well.
For the part of Uther, we always had Tony Head on our casting list, which, obviously, you know, I was huge Buffy fan so, for me, he was perfect casting as Uther.
And, um, I remember the first day um, that I met him, I was completely starstruck, I was so thrilled that he was playing the part.
And the great thing about Tony, having done Buffy, is he understands the world of high concept acting.
It's not about just being naturalistic, it's about finding the reality and the truth of this fantasy world, and also, at the same time, slightly tipping a wink to that, and enjoying that performance, and not taking it too seriously, sometimes.
After all the sacrifices I've made for him.
Oh, you're tense.
Is it any surprise? The lack of respect he shows IN PAIN:.
.
me! Oh, I'm sorry, did that hurt? IN PAIN: No, of course not.
Your hands are surprisingly strong for one so delicate.
But having that wealth of experience doing Buffy, um, makes Tony a very valid member of our ensemble, really.
'The first day I met Anthony,' I said, "By the way, you'll probably want to avoid me "because I'm a bit of a closet Buffy fan.
Keep that on the quiet.
" Shut up! The image I have of him of being a stiff librarian disappears, and he's just a warm man who kind of makes you feel quite comfortable.
Merlin fans, what colour is this? OK? Col, what do you reckon? It's blue.
I'm going to go with the teal option.
It's more teal than blue.
You've never seen teal.
You've obviously never seen blue! 'Bradley's very funny.
' He has a very dry humour.
I'll get over it, I'm sure, in about five minutes' time.
His relationship with me, off set, is very funny.
We're always calling each other Father and Son.
You're my only son.
And I wouldn't wish for another.
Anthony and I have been working on our father/son dynamic off-screen.
He'll have something and I'll borrow it off him, and then he'll say, "You will give me that back?" And I'll go, "Yeah, yeah," and then not give it him back, at least for a while.
You know, our relationship on camera has changed as well because Arthur is growing, as a man, and Uther is sort of beginning to feel a bit wobbly, I think, in one way or another.
I'd like to thank you for exposing this attack on our estate.
Once again, magic was used to strike at the heart of Camelot.
You mean your heart? How many nights did you share a bed with the troll? Obviously, I was under its spell.
Maybe season two, Uther they might back off Uther.
They might be bored of his old rant, but actually, no, um, we have more life yet.
Red Bee Media Ltd