Monty Python: Almost the Truth - Lawyers Cut (2009) s01e06 Episode Script
Finally! The Last Episode Ever! (For Now...)
And now, a short introduction from the producers' legal representative, Mr Abe Appenheimer.
Hello, and welcome to this documentary containing new and exclusive interviews with the five surviving members of Monty Python.
The producers wish to make it clear that any views or opinions expressed herein are those of the individuals speaking and hold no truth whatsoever.
Pursuant, therefore, to clause 4.
6 of the Broadcasting, Video, Television Act, 1989, subsection 4, 3 and 2, clause .
.
subject to clause 4.
123, no viewer or watcher may copy, repeat, impersonate, mime, either contextually or noncontextually, any material whatsoever in any public place, such as a street, pub, club, hotel, oil rig, Baptist church Sorry We are so bleeding sorry What happened to that last singer Well, she's been through the wringer From singing this bloody song Which just goes on and on So l thought l'd have a go at it Just for the hell of it And it sounded so fabulous .
.
you know, they should've picked me to sing it originally.
Mind you, l was only 12.
Still, it's Python Sod it! We hadn't finished.
We still had The Meaning Of Life to do, but we had had the success of Brian.
lt was a big hit in our terms.
The Hollywood Bowl seemed such an outrageous thing to do, Monty Python Live At The Hollywood Bowl.
l think we did three or four nights.
Welcome to the Ronald Reagan Memorial Bowl .
.
here in the pretty little LA suburb of Hollywood.
Well, we're about to witness all-in wrestling, brought to you tonight, ladies and gentlemen, by the makers of Scum.
The world's first ever combined hair oil, foot ointment and salad dressing.
And the makers of Titan, the novelty nuclear missile.
You'll never know when it will go off.
They were some of the best Python days, they were wonderful.
For me, l would say the pinnacle of my career.
lt was just so exciting.
lt was just a great time in everybody's life.
There was no pressure.
We'd honed the show down by being on the road all those times, so we knew what we were doing.
And the audiences were just there to have a great time.
They had a great time.
That's what they did.
They came along to enjoy themselves and we couldn't stop them.
We were evicted from our hole in the ground.
We had to go and live in a lake.
You were lucky to have a lake.
There were a 150 of us living in a shoebox in the middle of the road.
- Cardboard box? - Aye.
You were lucky.
We lived for three months in a rolled-up newspaper in a septic tank.
Used to have to get up at six o'clock and clean the newspaper, go to work down the mill, 1 4 hours a day, week in, week out, for sixpence a week! And when we got home, our dad would thrash us to sleep with his belt.
Luxury.
People there knew exactly what the Pythons were about.
lt was absolutely wonderful to see, you know, John Cleese coming down the Hollywood Bowl steps with the albatross.
l mean, people were going mad.
What flavour is it? Seagull-cicle.
l'll have a Wall's.
The Hollywood Bowl was very much sort of an audience participation show, cos everybody was partying.
Albatross! You're not supposed to be smoking that.
ln the albatross sketch, l had to walk out into the audience, by the time l got back on stage, l was getting high.
l didn't smoke so it was like, you know, a few puffs lf you're walking through the audience of marijuana smoke it was like lt went straight to my head.
lt was very surreal.
These people were having drinks and smoking naughty things, judging from what Eric said on stage.
Hold it.
l see some of these Bruces are in a playful mood tonight.
Bruce? Some of the ones that don't have straws up their nose.
Anyway The Hollywood Bowl was an extraordinary kind of experience.
We were all sitting up on the roof of the hotel, the L'Ermitage, there was a swimming pool up there and a Jacuzzi.
We were sipping cool drinks.
They were talking about doing Sit On My Face and, you know, for some reason l said, ''Why don't you do it as a barbershop quartet with the long aprons?'' Sit on my face and tell me that you love me l'll sit on your face and tell you l love you too l love to hear you moralise When l'm between your thighs you blow me away ''And when you turn round you can have bare bums?'' thinking they'll never do it.
Life can be fine if we both sixty-nine lf we sit on our faces in all sorts of places and play Till we're blown away! And, yeah, they did.
lt was strange.
lt was such a large venue to see the Pythons, these little specks down on the stage, if you stood at the back.
lt was terrific.
Good evening.
Tonight on World Forum, we are deeply privileged to have with us Karl Marx, the founder of modern socialism and author of the Communist Manifesto.
Vladimir llyich Ulyanov, better known to the world as Lenin, leader of the Russian revolution, writer, statesman and father of modern lt was terrific.
l think they had a lot of fun, and of course every Hollywood star came out to see them.
Yoko came, John Lennon came, and every night you'd look around and there were these huge stars just knocking about.
lt was like you'd died and gone to entertainment heaven.
lt was just fantastic, absolutely fantastic.
Steve Martin also threw a party for them at his house, you know.
That's the thing you do in Hollywood, someone hosts a party for you.
And the first question is for you, Karl Marx.
The Hammers.
The Hammers is the nickname of what English football team? The Hammers? No? Well, bad luck, Karl, it is in fact West Ham United.
We took numerous curtain calls, we just went on.
l mean, we took as many as we felt like taking.
Twenty, thirty, whatever, whatever.
We'd just make them up as we went along, and had such fun.
Eventually, we'd have enough and go for a drink, and we'd be downstairs and the audience is still there, saying, ''More, more, more.
'' And that's when they had to bring down the big sign saying, ''Piss off'.
- Hey, look.
Howard's being eaten.
- ls he? Makes you think, doesn't it? - l mean, what's it all about? - Beats me.
Why are we here? What's life all about? ls God really real? Or is there some doubt? Just after Life Of Brian came out, Denis O'Brien, who was our business manager, very briefly, told us that if we made another film straight away, we'd never have to work again.
And we all looked at each other and thought, ''That is not a bad offer.
'' The actual The birth pangs of Meaning Of Life were much more difficult than they had been, l think, for Holy Grail or Life Of Brian.
By then l was doing my own films and had less and less desire to go back and work within the group.
Having reached the grand old age of whatever it was, l mean, l was well in my 40s, l didn't want to be in the position of being outvoted on material.
l'd done a railway documentary, was beginning to think of writing a film called The Missionary.
ln a sense, the sort of the the end of Python was sort of visible before we actually got shooting Meaning Of Life.
Except that l just love the group, l mean, so, OK, we'll do it.
But there was no consensus about what was the film going to be? And so we started to write a movie before we were really in the right state of mind.
And we were always pushing something and trying to find a unifying thread.
And when we went off and wrote, as we did for about ten days, then we'd come back, gather together and read it all out, we were always hoping that somebody would provide a framework.
l've got a notebook which has got World War 3 written in it as a possible idea for a film.
We were going to have advertisement all through the film, warriors, soldiers with lots of ads like racing drivers, and we could actually finance the movie that way.
We were even talking about doing commercials within the movie, so we'd get the money from all these products.
Graham and l wrote a thing about a mad ayatollah, and it was not included, and l thought it was a mistake that it was not included, but it probably explains why l'm still here.
There would've been a fatwa on Graham and me, and probably the whole group.
lt was about him fulminating against all the sins of Western civilisation, like toilet paper.
And there was a scene where the mad ayatollah's men had caught some British adventurers of the Michael Palin kind, the sort of 1880s, you know.
And there was a very funny scene when they were all going to be tortured to death, and the regimental sergeant major went up to the colonel and asked for permission to panic, and the colonel refused him permission.
He said, ''lf we panic just a little, sir, just a couple of minutes, sir.
''lt would raise the men's spirits, if they were allowed to panic, sir.
'' l thought there was very funny stuff there.
l think they were really good ideas that, for whatever reason, didn't connect with everybody else and so the thing didn't ever get that tidy spine.
We eventually ended up with a screenplay that was kind of circular.
lt was a little bit based on one of Bunuel's films where it goes into dreams and recurring dreams and you come out of the dream and you're back in reality.
You think you are, then it turns out you're in a dream still.
Very circular.
l wonder where that fish has gone.
You did love it so, you looked after it like a son.
And it went wherever l did go.
- ls it in the cupboard? - Yes, yes.
Wouldn't you like to know? lt was a lovely little fish.
And it went wherever l did go.
lt's behind the sofa! Where can that fish be? Have you thought of the drawers in the bureau? lt is a most elusive fish.
And it went wherever l did go.
We couldn't get a central theme, we couldn't get a theme.
We tried it, where there were great long endless sequences written, amazingly long sort of periods of writing and then coming back, giving ourselves six months off and coming back.
lt really was really very, very difficult.
And so we thought, ''Well, let's do the thing we did.
''Let's go to the West lndies.
'' And so we booked a house in St Ann's Bay in Jamaica.
On the way out there, l read the script on the plane.
l thought, ''This isn't working at all, it just doesn't work.
'' And l think possibly there was again a strain on the writing relationships.
l think that Graham and John were not writing as consistently magnificent stuff as they had done in the past.
They were beginning to write stuff that wasn't working as well as it perhaps ought to, and l know they never liked that.
Terry and l were used to writing tons of stuff, about 50 of which was just binned early on, but for John and Graham, l think their failure rate was something they didn't like to they didn't like to admit a failure and they were finding it difficult.
l woke up with this sinking feeling.
You know, l hadn't experienced it since l did exams at school, or something like that, thinking, ''l don't want to go through this.
'' And l remember after about four days, l suggested quite seriously, l said, ''l suggest we just enjoy the holiday, don't work any more, ''go back to England and say we couldn't put it together.
''What a shame, we worked hard, but it didn't work.
'' And l almost won the day.
And then Terry Jones came down the next morning and said, ''Well, yeah, you know, l've been thinking.
''l really, really feel'' l said, ''My suggestion isn't a suggestion, ''it's just we've got 70 minutes of first-class material, ''all we've got to do is write another 10, 20 minutes and we've got a film.
'' And he started to come out with a shape which he'd come up with, l think virtually on his own.
Actually, l think l said, ''Let's do it as somebody's life story.
'' And then somebody else said, ''Well, it could be anybody's life story.
'' Seven Ages Of Man, l think somebody else said.
And then Eric said, ''We could call it The Meaning Of Life.
'' Everyone went, ''Good idea.
'' So we did that.
We're trying to put the sketches in to make some shape and form.
Somehow, l don't know, that sort of got a buzz going amongst the group and we decided that's what it was going to be.
And it was going to be a sketch format.
lt's the meaning of life! What's the point of all this hoax? l still thought it was sad we were doing a sketch movie at that stage, because what gets interesting as you get into this business, is 90 minutes.
The story at 90 minutes is the most interesting thing in show business.
ls life just a game where we make up the rules? John Goldstone and l were responsible for raising the money, representing the Jewish side of the group, you know.
ldle must be a Jewish name somewhere down the line.
Look at the way he likes the money, must be Jewish.
By then, because Brian had been a success, it was very easy to get the money for the film.
l mean, the hardest thing of all was doing Terry Gilliam's short.
Terry G had done this section that grew, it was originally meant to be an animated section.
l said, ''Let me make it as a live action.
'' And it was agreed that l could, so l was off doing that.
Gilliam would make these brilliant cartoons.
And he pinned one up of a building.
lt was just under sail, and he was clearly drawing all that, and that was beautiful.
Look to starboard.
There it lay, the prize they sought.
Hard to starboard.
A financial district swollen with multinationals, conglomerates, and fat, bloated merchant banks.
We created a moment when they're saying, ''You must wear more hats, what is the meaning of that in life?'' What we've come up with can be reduced to two fundamental concepts.
One, people are not wearing enough hats.
Two, matter is energy.
ln that moment, in through the window comes this, you know, the pirates come in.
That's supposed to be four to six minutes long, and then on with the movie.
Well, Gilliam who is only happy when he's shooting and cannot be stopped by anybody, not even the Weinsteins, he has to be forcibly removed from foreign countries, put in a Brink's van and driven away, otherwise he'll still be shooting.
He was in the studio next door.
l remember wandering into the studio next door and thinking, ''lt's a huge set!'' lt's bigger than anything we'd ever done.
And Terry's section took about a million quid or something like that to do.
lt didn't actually, it didn't cost that much, but it was not what anyone was expecting, and it was going on at the same time as the rest of the movie was shooting.
Terry said, and l think secretly he may have always had this as a plan, he said, ''Well, l've got this idea that we could do it before the film.
''We do it as a short before the film.
'' And then, ''l've actually already shot a sequence ''where the short tries to take over the film.
'' So we tried it like that, and of course when we did that, the Crimson Permanent Assurance went down like a bomb.
Everybody loved it.
The Crimson Permanent Assurance.
lt had a slightly deleterious effect on the birth sequence, because that didn't quite get the laughs that it was getting when it came first, but l mean, you lose some, you win some.
Part one.
The Miracle of Birth.
- Hello, now don't you worry.
- We'll soon have you cured.
Leave it all to us, you'll never know what hit you.
- Goodbye.
- Goodbye.
- Drips up.
- lnjections.
- Can l put the tube in the baby's head? - Only if l can do the episiotomy.
There you go.
Legs up.
OK.
Come in.
Come on in, all of you.
That's it, jolly good.
Come on, come on.
Spread around there.
Who are you? - l'm the husband.
- l'm sorry.
Only people involved are allowed in here.
- Right.
- What do l do? - Yes? - What do l do? Nothing, dear, you're not qualified.
- Leave it to us.
- What's that for? That's the machine that goes ''ping''.
The Meaning Of Life, people think about it and they go, ''Yes, it's not so good,'' until you start mentioning specific sketches.
The mill's closed.
There's no more work.
We're destitute.
Come in, my little loves.
l've got no option but to sell you all for scientific experiments.
No, that's the way it is, my loves.
Blame the Catholic Church for not letting me wear one of those rubber things.
The Every Sperm ls Sacred musical number is fantastic and brilliant and still timeless.
Every sperm is useful Every sperm is fine God needs everybody's - Mine - And mine And mine Making a religious or socially political point about sperm being sacred, then it goes to the Protestant saying, ''We can have fun, ''they're in the wrong place but we're having fun cos we're not having sex.
''But it would be protected sex if we were having sex.
'' l can wear whatever l want on my John Thomas.
And Protestantism doesn't stop at the simple condom, oh, no.
l can wear French Ticklers if l want.
- You what? - French Ticklers.
Black Mambos, Crocodile Ribs.
Sheaths that are designed not only to protect, but also to enhance the stimulation of sexual congress.
- Have you got one? - Have l got one? Well, no, but l can go down the road any time l want and walk into Harry's and hold my head up high and say in a loud, steady voice, ''Harry, l want you to sell me a condom.
''ln fact, today l'll have a French Tickler, for l am a Protestant.
'' The guys The liver transplant scene, it's one of the most l remember as a horror fan being slightly sickened by that.
Hello.
Can we have your liver? - What? - Your liver.
lt's a large glandular organ in your abdomen.
You know, it's reddish brown, it's sort of Yeah, yeah, l know what it is, but l'm using it.
Come on, sir, don't muck us about.
- No.
Get off! - Hello.
- What's this, then? - A liver donor's card.
- Need we say more? - No.
Listen.
l can't give it you now.
lt says, ''in the event of death''.
No one has ever had their liver taken out by us and survived.
Just lie there, sir, it won't take a minute.
Whether it's John Cleese, the housemaster, having sex lessons involving his wife We'll take the foreplay as read, if you don't mind, dear.
Of course not, Humphrey.
So, the man starts by entering, or mounting, his good lady wife in the standard way.
The penis is now, as you will observe, more or less fully erect.
There we are.
That's better.
Death calling on a bunch of people having a dinner party - Can l ask you a question? - What? How can we all have died at the same time? The salmon mousse.
Darling, you didn't use canned salmon, did you? l'm most dreadfully embarrassed.
Mr Creosote.
One of the funniest scenes in movie history, l would say.
Good afternoon, sir, and how are we today? - Better.
- Better? Better get a bucket, l'm going to throw up.
Well, l didn't enjoy playing Mr Creosote very much.
Originally, l wanted Terry Gilliam to do Mr Creosote, but he said, ''No, no, no.
You ought to do it.
'' l think he realised how much make-up there was.
There was three hours of make-up, you had to put this latex piece on.
l haven't finished.
A thousand pardons, monsieur.
Now, this afternoon we have Disgusting scene.
Disgusting to do.
And l felt very sorry for everyone on the set.
And finally, monsieur, a wafer-thin mint.
Oh, sir, it's only a tiny, little, thin one.
No, fuck off! l'm full.
Oh, sir.
lt's only wafer thin.
l couldn't eat another thing, l'm absolutely stuffed.
Bugger off.
Sir, just just one.
- All right.
Just one.
- Just the one.
l had a different structure for the film at the end.
l thought we had to get out of the film as quickly as possible after Creosote.
l wanted to go Creosote, straight into Death, and do Christmas in heaven, and then go to the reprise of Creosote, with the cleaning lady and the waiter going and saying, ''Follow me and l'll show you the meaning of life.
'' Come with me.
- l was saying that - Come on.
You know, and it goes on and on and on and on.
And at the end he says, ''Now fuck off.
'' Fuck off.
Don't come following me! That should have been the end of the film.
Had we placed it at the end, in the credits, l think the film would have been a better structured film and people would remember how good Creosote was, you know, that you finish on a real big high, you know.
l feel that life's a game You sometimes win or lose And though l may be down right now At least l don't work for Jews l'm very proud that it's still offensive.
lf you look at it now, it's still pretty gross.
l mean, the projectile vomiting, blood, you know.
''Can we have your liver, please?'' lt's still offensive.
This man is about to die.
ln a few moments now he will be killed, for Arthur Jarrett is a convicted criminal who has been allowed to choose the manner of his own execution.
There he is! lt won a prize in Cannes, so it must be a good film, it must be a great film.
Henry Jaglom, film director, when he saw it in Cannes, said it was the best thing Python had ever done.
l said, ''No, there's great bits in there, but there's crap as well.
'' He said, ''No, that's why it's great, because the crap balances the greatness.
'' Blah, blah, he would go on.
l do think some of the material in there is the best we've done.
lt's closer to the television shows themselves with the same kind of balance between the really wonderful stuff and the crap.
Graham Chapman, one of the founder members of the Monty Python team, has died at the age of 48.
He'd been suffering from cancer.
None of the Pythons really knew how ill he was until about halfway through his treatment.
He looked terrible.
He kept telling us he's fine.
''l am a doctor, it's all right.
'' ''No, Graham, you look terrible.
'' l mean, whenever we got together, he just seemed to be worse and worse.
And yet he was solively, ''Yes, it's going to be fine.
''l know the pipe gave me cancer in my throat, ''but it's going to be just fine, l'm a doctor.
'' And l remember talking to his brother, John, and saying to John that he seemed so optimistic.
John said that he thought that was just an act, that Gray, as a doctor, knew how serious it was from the beginning.
Terry Jones and Alison came to the hospital at something like ten at night, and all was quiet on the ward.
And they stayed with Graham and myself, talking for a long time.
And that was wonderful.
And then later, of course, the rest of the crowd as the day unfolded.
The next day became a very long and protracted affair with all sorts of people.
l didn't go down, l was, you know l remember writing that song, Life Will Get You ln The End, a lot.
But l never finished it because it was kind of sad.
l could hear him whispering in my ear last night as l was writing this.
''All right, Cleese,'' he was saying.
''You're very proud of being the very first person ever ''to say 'shit' on British television.
''lf this service is really for me, ''just for starters, l want you to become the first person ever ''at a British memorial service ''to say 'fuck'.
'' The memorial service was extraordinary because for some reason, for some reason, we lost all of our Englishness, or should l say Britishness.
The emotion was flowing as though it was flowing through us without touching the sides.
Graham Chapman, co-author of The Parrot Sketch, is no more.
He has ceased to be.
Bereft of life.
He rests in peace.
He's kicked the bucket, hopped the twig, bit the dust, snuffed it, breathed his last, and gone to meet the great Head of Light Entertainment in the sky.
And l guess we're all thinking how sad it is that a man of such talent, of such capability for kindness, of such unusual intelligence should now, so suddenly, be spirited away at the age of only 48 before he'd achieved many of the things of which he was capable.
And before he'd had enough fun.
Well, l feel that l should say ''nonsense''.
Good riddance to him, the freeloading bastard, l hope he fries.
Everybody treated Graham properly, with disrespect, basically.
People were howling with laughter and then in tears ten seconds later and then howling with laughter again.
lt was kind of the way emotion should flow.
lt really was a celebration, l love that word, it was a celebration of him.
And very little reverence and a lot of laughs, it was good.
Suddenly l found myself wanting to look back and celebrate all the things that we did together.
For Graham was, in many ways, all the things that we were most proud of in Monty Python.
Awkward, outrageous, unconventional, unpredictable, impatient, and often very angry indeed.
l have to say, honestly, rarely a day goes by when l don't at some point think about Graham and l can't really believe that he's no longer with us.
l think, because one sees the shows so often, and certainly when you look at something like Life Of Brian or Holy Grail you see what a really fine actor Graham was, especially on the Holy Grail when he'd had a few drinks and he could still turn in these wonderful performances.
l don't know whether Graham would have ended up doing King Lear.
l'd love to see it, or the great sort of tragic roles.
He'd be marvellous.
French person today, the blood of many a valiant knight shall be avenged in the name of God.
We shall not stop our fight till each one of you lies dead and the Holy Grail returns to those whom God has chosen.
lt was so bizarre that he'd managed Which paper was it? One of the big papers, he made a lot of money selling his story that he had kicked the big C and he was clean.
And then after he got the pay cheque, he died.
l thought, ''Brilliant, Graham.
That's the way to do it.
'' What are Python going to do ever again as a group? First, we shall be doing tributes and memories and programmes about what it's like to do Python 20 years ago, then 21 years ago, then maybe 22 or 23 years ago, we'll skip a year, then go straight for the 25th anniversary, where we'll talk about how it was creating and doing a comedy show in the early middle 19th century.
And then it's just attending each other's funerals.
l think the problem is we're so scattered over the globe now that even if the will was there, l think there'll always be a flicker of interest, l think people would say, ''Let's talk about it.
'' We even talked about doing another version of Holy Grail at one point, and l think it was John who wasn't interested at that point.
And l think we had worked out a really nice idea of doing Grail as a bunch of middle-aged knights who have to go on one last crusade.
And we had this fantastic thing carrying the holy relics of Graham.
And we could use lines from the records or anything we'd recorded so he could speak to us and be part of it, without having to be there.
And we spent a bit of time, l think that was in Aspen we were talking about that.
And then everybody said, ''Let's do a show, let's do a show, ''it's the whatever anniversary'' 30th anniversary perhaps coming up.
And l got an offer of like ten million from some promoter and we were going to do TV, you know lt was all l spent a lot of time with all that boring shit and then only to find out that Michael didn't really mean ''yes'', he was only saying yes to be nice.
Because l felt, without Graham it wouldn't be quite the same.
And you could argue that it would be quite similar or quite dissimilar.
l thought Graham was very important, he balanced it out very much, his writing, his performing were necessary for the group.
He meant no, no bloody way, and that is the problem of niceness, you know.
l don't mind if you say no, but if you say yes meaning no and later on you've gone to all this mess l was pissed off with him for a bit but you can't remain pissed off with Mike for very long, so that was sort of over.
Once it was perfectly clear that Python would never do anything ever again, publicly or live, l was able to go out and play my own songs and do a bit of my own stuff and go on the road.
And that was great for me, it sort of liberated me.
l think l was the only one of the Pythons to actually go and see Eric's previous show which is, l think it was called Eric ldle Rips Off Monty Python.
And he did it at the City Center in New York.
Eric is the best performer, in a way.
He's very, very confident on stage.
l kept thinking, ''The comedy musical has got to come back.
'' The musicals in those days were all about the helicopter landing or a man like that, underneath the sewers of Paris.
And l thought, ''Well, the most agreeable form ''is that thing where you laugh, song, laugh, song.
'' And then, John Du Prez and l were searching for a subject, and, finally, l said to John, ''You know, Holy Grail could be, ''but there's a big problem.
l don't think they'd ever let it go.
'' l remember thinking, ''Spamalot? ''Funny name, but what on earth do you make out of that?'' l don't think we were deeply interested because we felt it was going back.
And then he sent some songs in and we got more interested because we all adored the song that goes like this Once in every show there comes a song like this Starts off soft and low, ends up with a kiss Where? Where? Where is the song that goes like this? We all picked that one out immediately, that was our favourite.
And they said, ''We all find ourselves surprisingly in agreement.
''We love this project, we like this thing, ''and we would like to be involved, ''but we think it's better if you just do it and run with it.
'' l think we would have wanted to make it into something new, then the ideas never quite occurred, so Eric sort of took the bull by the horns and actually did it.
And of course what Eric and John Du Prez made out of it was something which a dimension added to Python that none of us thought was there - the fact it could play for two or three years on Broadway and the West End and people would come in and see us doing, you know, ''Ni!'' and all that sort of stuff, and taunters and all that.
l would think Spamalot's brought a younger audience to Python, but Python's constantly repeated anyway.
And l think in large parts of the world, l think a lot of young people are aware of Monty Python.
My kids are, for example.
lt has something for everybody and every age group.
l can't think of any other comedy series that the the age group of the viewers is from nine up to 60, nine years old up to 60.
And we do, l mean we are now on third-generation fans.
l go to these conferences and things and these kids are coming up who have just discovered Python, they're eight, nine years old.
lt can still piss off your parents or teachers or something, so l think maybe it's still got a ''pissing off someone'' quality which is going to be good for kids getting into it.
They think l'm the Messiah, Mum.
- What have you been telling them? - Nothing, l only You're only making it worse! Look, l can explain.
Let me explain, Mrs Cohen.
Your son is a born leader.
Those people out there are following him because they believe in him.
They believe he can give them hope, hope of a new life, a new world, a better future! Who's that? That's Judith, Mum.
Judith, Mother.
Now you listen here, he's not the Messiah, he's a very naughty boy.
Now go away! l often think of it as being like music in the way that certain bands can be seen as very influential, then there's one band that will take all those influences and somehow be able to package it in a way that makes it accessible to a much wider audience.
Obviously, Monty Python has tapped into something that's just a common denominator.
l think just like Beatle music tapped into something, it's just really difficult to put your finger on it or to, you know, to label it.
l think with something like The Life Of Brian and even the sketches in The Meaning Of Life, they're so well put-together they're so well directed, the production values are great, you really do get a sense of place.
You know, in the Holy Grail there is a kind of grime that sort of makes you feel like you're in the Middle Ages.
And l do think there's something about the realism of those environments into which all this surreal silliness occurs, that is one of the reasons it's so strong and also why it lasts so well.
He is brave Sir Robin, brave Sir Robin Shut up! Nobody really, justjust passing through.
What do you want? To fight and Shut up! Nothing, nothing really, just to pass through, good sir knight.
l'm afraid not.
Well, actually, l am a Knight of the Round Table.
You're a Knight of the Round Table? - l am.
- ln that case, l shall have to kill you.
- Shall l? - l don't think so.
- What do l think? - Kill him.
- Let's be nice to him.
- Shut up.
The fact that so many people have been influenced by them means that through stuff that l've written, and people much more talented than me have written, that keeps the Python stuff relevant.
because it is reflected in everything we do write.
lt's all part of the same wonderful, creative thing.
And when good things last, it reinforces your faith in human nature, to a certain extent.
Quality always lasts out and l think that there have been a lot of sketch shows and a lot of sketch teams and there's very few of them we'll be talking about in 40 years' time.
Good morning, John.
Very auspicious beginning to your new studio.
- Thank you.
- Fantastic.
This was a work site a week ago.
And now look at it, still a work site.
No.
This is fantastic.
You see, l promised you one day we'd make some money.
Thirty years l have worked with this gentleman, man and boy.
l've led him on several ill-paying ventures and finally Spamalot All the money's under the floor.
We've been working together for 30 years now and it's the perfect way to go, because what do you do after Python? Well, let's make music, because you can't compete with Python, writing sketches or writing films.
lt's just a nice way to go, writing songs and lyrics, l love doing that.
Fuck Christmas lt's a waste of fucking time Fuck Santa He's just out to get your dime Fuck holly and fuck ivy And fuck all that mistletoe Fucking sleigh bells ringing everywhere you fucking go And bloated men in shopping malls all going ''ho-ho-ho'' lt's fucking Christmas time again Are we going in here? We've got two seats here.
- Well, that was a little adventure.
- That was an adventure, yes.
At least we got rid of the film crew.
Yeah.
Oh, wait a minute Oddly enough, l look back at my life and generally speaking, l just, you know, use the old cliche of never quite grown up.
Something didn't quite happen when it should have.
The way your voice breaks, so should your way of seeing the world change, suddenly become an adult person and speak rather more slowly, take bank balances very seriously and forms and all that sort of thing.
We're at Aardman now.
There is a programme for the day, but we've got to go and - We're late.
- .
.
see the man.
- We delayed.
- We're late.
lt's your fault.
No, no, it's a combination of factors, both great and small, have brought Oh, come on.
As you get older you laugh less, because you've heard most of the jokes before.
lt's very sad but it's true, and l find now that it's more real things that make me laugh.
This is the smartest operation.
Look at the way they put these storyboards.
Mounted onto cardboard, flavoured slightly.
- Yeah, it's nice.
- Tiger crab and almond.
l think, yes.
But to put our daughter's life at the hands of this person.
He's devious, he's deceitful, he's he'sRumpelstiltskin.
Rumpelstiltskin.
So you make him Jewish, eh? The more difficult part of being a 68-year-old child is that the world isn't as surprising as it is when you're six, seven, eight years old.
As you get older, the predictability is more predictable.
That's the hard part, trying to keep yourself excited about life because it's so easy to get bored with life and die, but somehow l've managed to keep a bit of interest in it.
Yeah, it's good.
lt's really good.
And you don't want to - You just want to be in his voice.
- Hey, OK, OK.
Oh, fuck off.
You always stop in the middle of your story.
l'm glad nobody wrote any music for the next bit here.
lt's a very rare occasion when there's all how many of us are there now? Five of us now, aren't there? ln the room.
One of the odd things about Python was that even when Graham was alive, we'd meet and we'd sit around and then somebody would say, ''We're all here,'' and we'd say, ''Oh, yes, we are, aren't we?'' lt was as if we were always waiting for somebody else to arrive.
l don't know what it was.
We always thought there was one other person, you know, somebody missing.
Maybe it was Mr Python himself or something.
- That looks like Graham.
- lt is.
The look, you know, that sort of Graham Chapman when confronted with someone he doesn't like.
And l say, the pink hair's just perfect for Graham.
There's an antique quality about Python now.
lt's like listening to an old 78 record, with the scratches on it, and it's another time, another place, another attitude towards life.
People say ''Let's get the Beatles together.
'' That means you want to be young again, not you want the old buggers to be back, you know.
You just want to be young, when the Beatles were new.
And l think that's the same with Python, really.
lf we were ever going to do another series, l said what we should do, because we're not surprising any more, is do the first several shows so badly, so bad, they're not funny, they're just tedious.
Getting everybody to switch off, so after about the fourth or fifth show, nobody is watching Python except two people in England.
Then we do the best show we'd ever done in our life and those people would have seen it, and they'll be on the streets to explain how brilliant it was, and nobody would listen, nobody would listen.
l thought that would be the way to do Python, finally.
And you feel that you've had quite enough - Are you in A? - Yeah.
Just remember that you're travelling on a planet that's evolving And revolving at 900 miles an hour And orbiting at 19 miles a second, so it's reckoned The sun that is the source of all our power The sun and you and me and all the stars that we can see Are moving at a million miles a day ln an outer spiral arm at 40,000 miles an hour Of the galaxy we call the Milky Way The one thing l've learned from Python, you never have enough yachts.
l've got twelve and it's just not enough.
John's got a flotilla.
Terry had one, but it sank.
Eric, Eric, well, he doesn't do yachts, he does huge cruise liners.
Got four of them up in a bloody creek, a sort of creek, it's just a place outside his house where you can keep boats, you know.
lf ever anyone took action against that would be Pearl Harbor, if they had a go at Eric's little fleet.
But, no, you can't have enough yachts.
.
.
from galactic central point We go round every 200 million years And our galaxy is only one of millions and billions ln this amazing and expanding universe And so on.
Have the facts changed since you wrote it? The facts have changed.
That's interesting.
The facts haven't changed, our knowledge of the facts as we think has changed.
Hello, and welcome to this documentary containing new and exclusive interviews with the five surviving members of Monty Python.
The producers wish to make it clear that any views or opinions expressed herein are those of the individuals speaking and hold no truth whatsoever.
Pursuant, therefore, to clause 4.
6 of the Broadcasting, Video, Television Act, 1989, subsection 4, 3 and 2, clause .
.
subject to clause 4.
123, no viewer or watcher may copy, repeat, impersonate, mime, either contextually or noncontextually, any material whatsoever in any public place, such as a street, pub, club, hotel, oil rig, Baptist church Sorry We are so bleeding sorry What happened to that last singer Well, she's been through the wringer From singing this bloody song Which just goes on and on So l thought l'd have a go at it Just for the hell of it And it sounded so fabulous .
.
you know, they should've picked me to sing it originally.
Mind you, l was only 12.
Still, it's Python Sod it! We hadn't finished.
We still had The Meaning Of Life to do, but we had had the success of Brian.
lt was a big hit in our terms.
The Hollywood Bowl seemed such an outrageous thing to do, Monty Python Live At The Hollywood Bowl.
l think we did three or four nights.
Welcome to the Ronald Reagan Memorial Bowl .
.
here in the pretty little LA suburb of Hollywood.
Well, we're about to witness all-in wrestling, brought to you tonight, ladies and gentlemen, by the makers of Scum.
The world's first ever combined hair oil, foot ointment and salad dressing.
And the makers of Titan, the novelty nuclear missile.
You'll never know when it will go off.
They were some of the best Python days, they were wonderful.
For me, l would say the pinnacle of my career.
lt was just so exciting.
lt was just a great time in everybody's life.
There was no pressure.
We'd honed the show down by being on the road all those times, so we knew what we were doing.
And the audiences were just there to have a great time.
They had a great time.
That's what they did.
They came along to enjoy themselves and we couldn't stop them.
We were evicted from our hole in the ground.
We had to go and live in a lake.
You were lucky to have a lake.
There were a 150 of us living in a shoebox in the middle of the road.
- Cardboard box? - Aye.
You were lucky.
We lived for three months in a rolled-up newspaper in a septic tank.
Used to have to get up at six o'clock and clean the newspaper, go to work down the mill, 1 4 hours a day, week in, week out, for sixpence a week! And when we got home, our dad would thrash us to sleep with his belt.
Luxury.
People there knew exactly what the Pythons were about.
lt was absolutely wonderful to see, you know, John Cleese coming down the Hollywood Bowl steps with the albatross.
l mean, people were going mad.
What flavour is it? Seagull-cicle.
l'll have a Wall's.
The Hollywood Bowl was very much sort of an audience participation show, cos everybody was partying.
Albatross! You're not supposed to be smoking that.
ln the albatross sketch, l had to walk out into the audience, by the time l got back on stage, l was getting high.
l didn't smoke so it was like, you know, a few puffs lf you're walking through the audience of marijuana smoke it was like lt went straight to my head.
lt was very surreal.
These people were having drinks and smoking naughty things, judging from what Eric said on stage.
Hold it.
l see some of these Bruces are in a playful mood tonight.
Bruce? Some of the ones that don't have straws up their nose.
Anyway The Hollywood Bowl was an extraordinary kind of experience.
We were all sitting up on the roof of the hotel, the L'Ermitage, there was a swimming pool up there and a Jacuzzi.
We were sipping cool drinks.
They were talking about doing Sit On My Face and, you know, for some reason l said, ''Why don't you do it as a barbershop quartet with the long aprons?'' Sit on my face and tell me that you love me l'll sit on your face and tell you l love you too l love to hear you moralise When l'm between your thighs you blow me away ''And when you turn round you can have bare bums?'' thinking they'll never do it.
Life can be fine if we both sixty-nine lf we sit on our faces in all sorts of places and play Till we're blown away! And, yeah, they did.
lt was strange.
lt was such a large venue to see the Pythons, these little specks down on the stage, if you stood at the back.
lt was terrific.
Good evening.
Tonight on World Forum, we are deeply privileged to have with us Karl Marx, the founder of modern socialism and author of the Communist Manifesto.
Vladimir llyich Ulyanov, better known to the world as Lenin, leader of the Russian revolution, writer, statesman and father of modern lt was terrific.
l think they had a lot of fun, and of course every Hollywood star came out to see them.
Yoko came, John Lennon came, and every night you'd look around and there were these huge stars just knocking about.
lt was like you'd died and gone to entertainment heaven.
lt was just fantastic, absolutely fantastic.
Steve Martin also threw a party for them at his house, you know.
That's the thing you do in Hollywood, someone hosts a party for you.
And the first question is for you, Karl Marx.
The Hammers.
The Hammers is the nickname of what English football team? The Hammers? No? Well, bad luck, Karl, it is in fact West Ham United.
We took numerous curtain calls, we just went on.
l mean, we took as many as we felt like taking.
Twenty, thirty, whatever, whatever.
We'd just make them up as we went along, and had such fun.
Eventually, we'd have enough and go for a drink, and we'd be downstairs and the audience is still there, saying, ''More, more, more.
'' And that's when they had to bring down the big sign saying, ''Piss off'.
- Hey, look.
Howard's being eaten.
- ls he? Makes you think, doesn't it? - l mean, what's it all about? - Beats me.
Why are we here? What's life all about? ls God really real? Or is there some doubt? Just after Life Of Brian came out, Denis O'Brien, who was our business manager, very briefly, told us that if we made another film straight away, we'd never have to work again.
And we all looked at each other and thought, ''That is not a bad offer.
'' The actual The birth pangs of Meaning Of Life were much more difficult than they had been, l think, for Holy Grail or Life Of Brian.
By then l was doing my own films and had less and less desire to go back and work within the group.
Having reached the grand old age of whatever it was, l mean, l was well in my 40s, l didn't want to be in the position of being outvoted on material.
l'd done a railway documentary, was beginning to think of writing a film called The Missionary.
ln a sense, the sort of the the end of Python was sort of visible before we actually got shooting Meaning Of Life.
Except that l just love the group, l mean, so, OK, we'll do it.
But there was no consensus about what was the film going to be? And so we started to write a movie before we were really in the right state of mind.
And we were always pushing something and trying to find a unifying thread.
And when we went off and wrote, as we did for about ten days, then we'd come back, gather together and read it all out, we were always hoping that somebody would provide a framework.
l've got a notebook which has got World War 3 written in it as a possible idea for a film.
We were going to have advertisement all through the film, warriors, soldiers with lots of ads like racing drivers, and we could actually finance the movie that way.
We were even talking about doing commercials within the movie, so we'd get the money from all these products.
Graham and l wrote a thing about a mad ayatollah, and it was not included, and l thought it was a mistake that it was not included, but it probably explains why l'm still here.
There would've been a fatwa on Graham and me, and probably the whole group.
lt was about him fulminating against all the sins of Western civilisation, like toilet paper.
And there was a scene where the mad ayatollah's men had caught some British adventurers of the Michael Palin kind, the sort of 1880s, you know.
And there was a very funny scene when they were all going to be tortured to death, and the regimental sergeant major went up to the colonel and asked for permission to panic, and the colonel refused him permission.
He said, ''lf we panic just a little, sir, just a couple of minutes, sir.
''lt would raise the men's spirits, if they were allowed to panic, sir.
'' l thought there was very funny stuff there.
l think they were really good ideas that, for whatever reason, didn't connect with everybody else and so the thing didn't ever get that tidy spine.
We eventually ended up with a screenplay that was kind of circular.
lt was a little bit based on one of Bunuel's films where it goes into dreams and recurring dreams and you come out of the dream and you're back in reality.
You think you are, then it turns out you're in a dream still.
Very circular.
l wonder where that fish has gone.
You did love it so, you looked after it like a son.
And it went wherever l did go.
- ls it in the cupboard? - Yes, yes.
Wouldn't you like to know? lt was a lovely little fish.
And it went wherever l did go.
lt's behind the sofa! Where can that fish be? Have you thought of the drawers in the bureau? lt is a most elusive fish.
And it went wherever l did go.
We couldn't get a central theme, we couldn't get a theme.
We tried it, where there were great long endless sequences written, amazingly long sort of periods of writing and then coming back, giving ourselves six months off and coming back.
lt really was really very, very difficult.
And so we thought, ''Well, let's do the thing we did.
''Let's go to the West lndies.
'' And so we booked a house in St Ann's Bay in Jamaica.
On the way out there, l read the script on the plane.
l thought, ''This isn't working at all, it just doesn't work.
'' And l think possibly there was again a strain on the writing relationships.
l think that Graham and John were not writing as consistently magnificent stuff as they had done in the past.
They were beginning to write stuff that wasn't working as well as it perhaps ought to, and l know they never liked that.
Terry and l were used to writing tons of stuff, about 50 of which was just binned early on, but for John and Graham, l think their failure rate was something they didn't like to they didn't like to admit a failure and they were finding it difficult.
l woke up with this sinking feeling.
You know, l hadn't experienced it since l did exams at school, or something like that, thinking, ''l don't want to go through this.
'' And l remember after about four days, l suggested quite seriously, l said, ''l suggest we just enjoy the holiday, don't work any more, ''go back to England and say we couldn't put it together.
''What a shame, we worked hard, but it didn't work.
'' And l almost won the day.
And then Terry Jones came down the next morning and said, ''Well, yeah, you know, l've been thinking.
''l really, really feel'' l said, ''My suggestion isn't a suggestion, ''it's just we've got 70 minutes of first-class material, ''all we've got to do is write another 10, 20 minutes and we've got a film.
'' And he started to come out with a shape which he'd come up with, l think virtually on his own.
Actually, l think l said, ''Let's do it as somebody's life story.
'' And then somebody else said, ''Well, it could be anybody's life story.
'' Seven Ages Of Man, l think somebody else said.
And then Eric said, ''We could call it The Meaning Of Life.
'' Everyone went, ''Good idea.
'' So we did that.
We're trying to put the sketches in to make some shape and form.
Somehow, l don't know, that sort of got a buzz going amongst the group and we decided that's what it was going to be.
And it was going to be a sketch format.
lt's the meaning of life! What's the point of all this hoax? l still thought it was sad we were doing a sketch movie at that stage, because what gets interesting as you get into this business, is 90 minutes.
The story at 90 minutes is the most interesting thing in show business.
ls life just a game where we make up the rules? John Goldstone and l were responsible for raising the money, representing the Jewish side of the group, you know.
ldle must be a Jewish name somewhere down the line.
Look at the way he likes the money, must be Jewish.
By then, because Brian had been a success, it was very easy to get the money for the film.
l mean, the hardest thing of all was doing Terry Gilliam's short.
Terry G had done this section that grew, it was originally meant to be an animated section.
l said, ''Let me make it as a live action.
'' And it was agreed that l could, so l was off doing that.
Gilliam would make these brilliant cartoons.
And he pinned one up of a building.
lt was just under sail, and he was clearly drawing all that, and that was beautiful.
Look to starboard.
There it lay, the prize they sought.
Hard to starboard.
A financial district swollen with multinationals, conglomerates, and fat, bloated merchant banks.
We created a moment when they're saying, ''You must wear more hats, what is the meaning of that in life?'' What we've come up with can be reduced to two fundamental concepts.
One, people are not wearing enough hats.
Two, matter is energy.
ln that moment, in through the window comes this, you know, the pirates come in.
That's supposed to be four to six minutes long, and then on with the movie.
Well, Gilliam who is only happy when he's shooting and cannot be stopped by anybody, not even the Weinsteins, he has to be forcibly removed from foreign countries, put in a Brink's van and driven away, otherwise he'll still be shooting.
He was in the studio next door.
l remember wandering into the studio next door and thinking, ''lt's a huge set!'' lt's bigger than anything we'd ever done.
And Terry's section took about a million quid or something like that to do.
lt didn't actually, it didn't cost that much, but it was not what anyone was expecting, and it was going on at the same time as the rest of the movie was shooting.
Terry said, and l think secretly he may have always had this as a plan, he said, ''Well, l've got this idea that we could do it before the film.
''We do it as a short before the film.
'' And then, ''l've actually already shot a sequence ''where the short tries to take over the film.
'' So we tried it like that, and of course when we did that, the Crimson Permanent Assurance went down like a bomb.
Everybody loved it.
The Crimson Permanent Assurance.
lt had a slightly deleterious effect on the birth sequence, because that didn't quite get the laughs that it was getting when it came first, but l mean, you lose some, you win some.
Part one.
The Miracle of Birth.
- Hello, now don't you worry.
- We'll soon have you cured.
Leave it all to us, you'll never know what hit you.
- Goodbye.
- Goodbye.
- Drips up.
- lnjections.
- Can l put the tube in the baby's head? - Only if l can do the episiotomy.
There you go.
Legs up.
OK.
Come in.
Come on in, all of you.
That's it, jolly good.
Come on, come on.
Spread around there.
Who are you? - l'm the husband.
- l'm sorry.
Only people involved are allowed in here.
- Right.
- What do l do? - Yes? - What do l do? Nothing, dear, you're not qualified.
- Leave it to us.
- What's that for? That's the machine that goes ''ping''.
The Meaning Of Life, people think about it and they go, ''Yes, it's not so good,'' until you start mentioning specific sketches.
The mill's closed.
There's no more work.
We're destitute.
Come in, my little loves.
l've got no option but to sell you all for scientific experiments.
No, that's the way it is, my loves.
Blame the Catholic Church for not letting me wear one of those rubber things.
The Every Sperm ls Sacred musical number is fantastic and brilliant and still timeless.
Every sperm is useful Every sperm is fine God needs everybody's - Mine - And mine And mine Making a religious or socially political point about sperm being sacred, then it goes to the Protestant saying, ''We can have fun, ''they're in the wrong place but we're having fun cos we're not having sex.
''But it would be protected sex if we were having sex.
'' l can wear whatever l want on my John Thomas.
And Protestantism doesn't stop at the simple condom, oh, no.
l can wear French Ticklers if l want.
- You what? - French Ticklers.
Black Mambos, Crocodile Ribs.
Sheaths that are designed not only to protect, but also to enhance the stimulation of sexual congress.
- Have you got one? - Have l got one? Well, no, but l can go down the road any time l want and walk into Harry's and hold my head up high and say in a loud, steady voice, ''Harry, l want you to sell me a condom.
''ln fact, today l'll have a French Tickler, for l am a Protestant.
'' The guys The liver transplant scene, it's one of the most l remember as a horror fan being slightly sickened by that.
Hello.
Can we have your liver? - What? - Your liver.
lt's a large glandular organ in your abdomen.
You know, it's reddish brown, it's sort of Yeah, yeah, l know what it is, but l'm using it.
Come on, sir, don't muck us about.
- No.
Get off! - Hello.
- What's this, then? - A liver donor's card.
- Need we say more? - No.
Listen.
l can't give it you now.
lt says, ''in the event of death''.
No one has ever had their liver taken out by us and survived.
Just lie there, sir, it won't take a minute.
Whether it's John Cleese, the housemaster, having sex lessons involving his wife We'll take the foreplay as read, if you don't mind, dear.
Of course not, Humphrey.
So, the man starts by entering, or mounting, his good lady wife in the standard way.
The penis is now, as you will observe, more or less fully erect.
There we are.
That's better.
Death calling on a bunch of people having a dinner party - Can l ask you a question? - What? How can we all have died at the same time? The salmon mousse.
Darling, you didn't use canned salmon, did you? l'm most dreadfully embarrassed.
Mr Creosote.
One of the funniest scenes in movie history, l would say.
Good afternoon, sir, and how are we today? - Better.
- Better? Better get a bucket, l'm going to throw up.
Well, l didn't enjoy playing Mr Creosote very much.
Originally, l wanted Terry Gilliam to do Mr Creosote, but he said, ''No, no, no.
You ought to do it.
'' l think he realised how much make-up there was.
There was three hours of make-up, you had to put this latex piece on.
l haven't finished.
A thousand pardons, monsieur.
Now, this afternoon we have Disgusting scene.
Disgusting to do.
And l felt very sorry for everyone on the set.
And finally, monsieur, a wafer-thin mint.
Oh, sir, it's only a tiny, little, thin one.
No, fuck off! l'm full.
Oh, sir.
lt's only wafer thin.
l couldn't eat another thing, l'm absolutely stuffed.
Bugger off.
Sir, just just one.
- All right.
Just one.
- Just the one.
l had a different structure for the film at the end.
l thought we had to get out of the film as quickly as possible after Creosote.
l wanted to go Creosote, straight into Death, and do Christmas in heaven, and then go to the reprise of Creosote, with the cleaning lady and the waiter going and saying, ''Follow me and l'll show you the meaning of life.
'' Come with me.
- l was saying that - Come on.
You know, and it goes on and on and on and on.
And at the end he says, ''Now fuck off.
'' Fuck off.
Don't come following me! That should have been the end of the film.
Had we placed it at the end, in the credits, l think the film would have been a better structured film and people would remember how good Creosote was, you know, that you finish on a real big high, you know.
l feel that life's a game You sometimes win or lose And though l may be down right now At least l don't work for Jews l'm very proud that it's still offensive.
lf you look at it now, it's still pretty gross.
l mean, the projectile vomiting, blood, you know.
''Can we have your liver, please?'' lt's still offensive.
This man is about to die.
ln a few moments now he will be killed, for Arthur Jarrett is a convicted criminal who has been allowed to choose the manner of his own execution.
There he is! lt won a prize in Cannes, so it must be a good film, it must be a great film.
Henry Jaglom, film director, when he saw it in Cannes, said it was the best thing Python had ever done.
l said, ''No, there's great bits in there, but there's crap as well.
'' He said, ''No, that's why it's great, because the crap balances the greatness.
'' Blah, blah, he would go on.
l do think some of the material in there is the best we've done.
lt's closer to the television shows themselves with the same kind of balance between the really wonderful stuff and the crap.
Graham Chapman, one of the founder members of the Monty Python team, has died at the age of 48.
He'd been suffering from cancer.
None of the Pythons really knew how ill he was until about halfway through his treatment.
He looked terrible.
He kept telling us he's fine.
''l am a doctor, it's all right.
'' ''No, Graham, you look terrible.
'' l mean, whenever we got together, he just seemed to be worse and worse.
And yet he was solively, ''Yes, it's going to be fine.
''l know the pipe gave me cancer in my throat, ''but it's going to be just fine, l'm a doctor.
'' And l remember talking to his brother, John, and saying to John that he seemed so optimistic.
John said that he thought that was just an act, that Gray, as a doctor, knew how serious it was from the beginning.
Terry Jones and Alison came to the hospital at something like ten at night, and all was quiet on the ward.
And they stayed with Graham and myself, talking for a long time.
And that was wonderful.
And then later, of course, the rest of the crowd as the day unfolded.
The next day became a very long and protracted affair with all sorts of people.
l didn't go down, l was, you know l remember writing that song, Life Will Get You ln The End, a lot.
But l never finished it because it was kind of sad.
l could hear him whispering in my ear last night as l was writing this.
''All right, Cleese,'' he was saying.
''You're very proud of being the very first person ever ''to say 'shit' on British television.
''lf this service is really for me, ''just for starters, l want you to become the first person ever ''at a British memorial service ''to say 'fuck'.
'' The memorial service was extraordinary because for some reason, for some reason, we lost all of our Englishness, or should l say Britishness.
The emotion was flowing as though it was flowing through us without touching the sides.
Graham Chapman, co-author of The Parrot Sketch, is no more.
He has ceased to be.
Bereft of life.
He rests in peace.
He's kicked the bucket, hopped the twig, bit the dust, snuffed it, breathed his last, and gone to meet the great Head of Light Entertainment in the sky.
And l guess we're all thinking how sad it is that a man of such talent, of such capability for kindness, of such unusual intelligence should now, so suddenly, be spirited away at the age of only 48 before he'd achieved many of the things of which he was capable.
And before he'd had enough fun.
Well, l feel that l should say ''nonsense''.
Good riddance to him, the freeloading bastard, l hope he fries.
Everybody treated Graham properly, with disrespect, basically.
People were howling with laughter and then in tears ten seconds later and then howling with laughter again.
lt was kind of the way emotion should flow.
lt really was a celebration, l love that word, it was a celebration of him.
And very little reverence and a lot of laughs, it was good.
Suddenly l found myself wanting to look back and celebrate all the things that we did together.
For Graham was, in many ways, all the things that we were most proud of in Monty Python.
Awkward, outrageous, unconventional, unpredictable, impatient, and often very angry indeed.
l have to say, honestly, rarely a day goes by when l don't at some point think about Graham and l can't really believe that he's no longer with us.
l think, because one sees the shows so often, and certainly when you look at something like Life Of Brian or Holy Grail you see what a really fine actor Graham was, especially on the Holy Grail when he'd had a few drinks and he could still turn in these wonderful performances.
l don't know whether Graham would have ended up doing King Lear.
l'd love to see it, or the great sort of tragic roles.
He'd be marvellous.
French person today, the blood of many a valiant knight shall be avenged in the name of God.
We shall not stop our fight till each one of you lies dead and the Holy Grail returns to those whom God has chosen.
lt was so bizarre that he'd managed Which paper was it? One of the big papers, he made a lot of money selling his story that he had kicked the big C and he was clean.
And then after he got the pay cheque, he died.
l thought, ''Brilliant, Graham.
That's the way to do it.
'' What are Python going to do ever again as a group? First, we shall be doing tributes and memories and programmes about what it's like to do Python 20 years ago, then 21 years ago, then maybe 22 or 23 years ago, we'll skip a year, then go straight for the 25th anniversary, where we'll talk about how it was creating and doing a comedy show in the early middle 19th century.
And then it's just attending each other's funerals.
l think the problem is we're so scattered over the globe now that even if the will was there, l think there'll always be a flicker of interest, l think people would say, ''Let's talk about it.
'' We even talked about doing another version of Holy Grail at one point, and l think it was John who wasn't interested at that point.
And l think we had worked out a really nice idea of doing Grail as a bunch of middle-aged knights who have to go on one last crusade.
And we had this fantastic thing carrying the holy relics of Graham.
And we could use lines from the records or anything we'd recorded so he could speak to us and be part of it, without having to be there.
And we spent a bit of time, l think that was in Aspen we were talking about that.
And then everybody said, ''Let's do a show, let's do a show, ''it's the whatever anniversary'' 30th anniversary perhaps coming up.
And l got an offer of like ten million from some promoter and we were going to do TV, you know lt was all l spent a lot of time with all that boring shit and then only to find out that Michael didn't really mean ''yes'', he was only saying yes to be nice.
Because l felt, without Graham it wouldn't be quite the same.
And you could argue that it would be quite similar or quite dissimilar.
l thought Graham was very important, he balanced it out very much, his writing, his performing were necessary for the group.
He meant no, no bloody way, and that is the problem of niceness, you know.
l don't mind if you say no, but if you say yes meaning no and later on you've gone to all this mess l was pissed off with him for a bit but you can't remain pissed off with Mike for very long, so that was sort of over.
Once it was perfectly clear that Python would never do anything ever again, publicly or live, l was able to go out and play my own songs and do a bit of my own stuff and go on the road.
And that was great for me, it sort of liberated me.
l think l was the only one of the Pythons to actually go and see Eric's previous show which is, l think it was called Eric ldle Rips Off Monty Python.
And he did it at the City Center in New York.
Eric is the best performer, in a way.
He's very, very confident on stage.
l kept thinking, ''The comedy musical has got to come back.
'' The musicals in those days were all about the helicopter landing or a man like that, underneath the sewers of Paris.
And l thought, ''Well, the most agreeable form ''is that thing where you laugh, song, laugh, song.
'' And then, John Du Prez and l were searching for a subject, and, finally, l said to John, ''You know, Holy Grail could be, ''but there's a big problem.
l don't think they'd ever let it go.
'' l remember thinking, ''Spamalot? ''Funny name, but what on earth do you make out of that?'' l don't think we were deeply interested because we felt it was going back.
And then he sent some songs in and we got more interested because we all adored the song that goes like this Once in every show there comes a song like this Starts off soft and low, ends up with a kiss Where? Where? Where is the song that goes like this? We all picked that one out immediately, that was our favourite.
And they said, ''We all find ourselves surprisingly in agreement.
''We love this project, we like this thing, ''and we would like to be involved, ''but we think it's better if you just do it and run with it.
'' l think we would have wanted to make it into something new, then the ideas never quite occurred, so Eric sort of took the bull by the horns and actually did it.
And of course what Eric and John Du Prez made out of it was something which a dimension added to Python that none of us thought was there - the fact it could play for two or three years on Broadway and the West End and people would come in and see us doing, you know, ''Ni!'' and all that sort of stuff, and taunters and all that.
l would think Spamalot's brought a younger audience to Python, but Python's constantly repeated anyway.
And l think in large parts of the world, l think a lot of young people are aware of Monty Python.
My kids are, for example.
lt has something for everybody and every age group.
l can't think of any other comedy series that the the age group of the viewers is from nine up to 60, nine years old up to 60.
And we do, l mean we are now on third-generation fans.
l go to these conferences and things and these kids are coming up who have just discovered Python, they're eight, nine years old.
lt can still piss off your parents or teachers or something, so l think maybe it's still got a ''pissing off someone'' quality which is going to be good for kids getting into it.
They think l'm the Messiah, Mum.
- What have you been telling them? - Nothing, l only You're only making it worse! Look, l can explain.
Let me explain, Mrs Cohen.
Your son is a born leader.
Those people out there are following him because they believe in him.
They believe he can give them hope, hope of a new life, a new world, a better future! Who's that? That's Judith, Mum.
Judith, Mother.
Now you listen here, he's not the Messiah, he's a very naughty boy.
Now go away! l often think of it as being like music in the way that certain bands can be seen as very influential, then there's one band that will take all those influences and somehow be able to package it in a way that makes it accessible to a much wider audience.
Obviously, Monty Python has tapped into something that's just a common denominator.
l think just like Beatle music tapped into something, it's just really difficult to put your finger on it or to, you know, to label it.
l think with something like The Life Of Brian and even the sketches in The Meaning Of Life, they're so well put-together they're so well directed, the production values are great, you really do get a sense of place.
You know, in the Holy Grail there is a kind of grime that sort of makes you feel like you're in the Middle Ages.
And l do think there's something about the realism of those environments into which all this surreal silliness occurs, that is one of the reasons it's so strong and also why it lasts so well.
He is brave Sir Robin, brave Sir Robin Shut up! Nobody really, justjust passing through.
What do you want? To fight and Shut up! Nothing, nothing really, just to pass through, good sir knight.
l'm afraid not.
Well, actually, l am a Knight of the Round Table.
You're a Knight of the Round Table? - l am.
- ln that case, l shall have to kill you.
- Shall l? - l don't think so.
- What do l think? - Kill him.
- Let's be nice to him.
- Shut up.
The fact that so many people have been influenced by them means that through stuff that l've written, and people much more talented than me have written, that keeps the Python stuff relevant.
because it is reflected in everything we do write.
lt's all part of the same wonderful, creative thing.
And when good things last, it reinforces your faith in human nature, to a certain extent.
Quality always lasts out and l think that there have been a lot of sketch shows and a lot of sketch teams and there's very few of them we'll be talking about in 40 years' time.
Good morning, John.
Very auspicious beginning to your new studio.
- Thank you.
- Fantastic.
This was a work site a week ago.
And now look at it, still a work site.
No.
This is fantastic.
You see, l promised you one day we'd make some money.
Thirty years l have worked with this gentleman, man and boy.
l've led him on several ill-paying ventures and finally Spamalot All the money's under the floor.
We've been working together for 30 years now and it's the perfect way to go, because what do you do after Python? Well, let's make music, because you can't compete with Python, writing sketches or writing films.
lt's just a nice way to go, writing songs and lyrics, l love doing that.
Fuck Christmas lt's a waste of fucking time Fuck Santa He's just out to get your dime Fuck holly and fuck ivy And fuck all that mistletoe Fucking sleigh bells ringing everywhere you fucking go And bloated men in shopping malls all going ''ho-ho-ho'' lt's fucking Christmas time again Are we going in here? We've got two seats here.
- Well, that was a little adventure.
- That was an adventure, yes.
At least we got rid of the film crew.
Yeah.
Oh, wait a minute Oddly enough, l look back at my life and generally speaking, l just, you know, use the old cliche of never quite grown up.
Something didn't quite happen when it should have.
The way your voice breaks, so should your way of seeing the world change, suddenly become an adult person and speak rather more slowly, take bank balances very seriously and forms and all that sort of thing.
We're at Aardman now.
There is a programme for the day, but we've got to go and - We're late.
- .
.
see the man.
- We delayed.
- We're late.
lt's your fault.
No, no, it's a combination of factors, both great and small, have brought Oh, come on.
As you get older you laugh less, because you've heard most of the jokes before.
lt's very sad but it's true, and l find now that it's more real things that make me laugh.
This is the smartest operation.
Look at the way they put these storyboards.
Mounted onto cardboard, flavoured slightly.
- Yeah, it's nice.
- Tiger crab and almond.
l think, yes.
But to put our daughter's life at the hands of this person.
He's devious, he's deceitful, he's he'sRumpelstiltskin.
Rumpelstiltskin.
So you make him Jewish, eh? The more difficult part of being a 68-year-old child is that the world isn't as surprising as it is when you're six, seven, eight years old.
As you get older, the predictability is more predictable.
That's the hard part, trying to keep yourself excited about life because it's so easy to get bored with life and die, but somehow l've managed to keep a bit of interest in it.
Yeah, it's good.
lt's really good.
And you don't want to - You just want to be in his voice.
- Hey, OK, OK.
Oh, fuck off.
You always stop in the middle of your story.
l'm glad nobody wrote any music for the next bit here.
lt's a very rare occasion when there's all how many of us are there now? Five of us now, aren't there? ln the room.
One of the odd things about Python was that even when Graham was alive, we'd meet and we'd sit around and then somebody would say, ''We're all here,'' and we'd say, ''Oh, yes, we are, aren't we?'' lt was as if we were always waiting for somebody else to arrive.
l don't know what it was.
We always thought there was one other person, you know, somebody missing.
Maybe it was Mr Python himself or something.
- That looks like Graham.
- lt is.
The look, you know, that sort of Graham Chapman when confronted with someone he doesn't like.
And l say, the pink hair's just perfect for Graham.
There's an antique quality about Python now.
lt's like listening to an old 78 record, with the scratches on it, and it's another time, another place, another attitude towards life.
People say ''Let's get the Beatles together.
'' That means you want to be young again, not you want the old buggers to be back, you know.
You just want to be young, when the Beatles were new.
And l think that's the same with Python, really.
lf we were ever going to do another series, l said what we should do, because we're not surprising any more, is do the first several shows so badly, so bad, they're not funny, they're just tedious.
Getting everybody to switch off, so after about the fourth or fifth show, nobody is watching Python except two people in England.
Then we do the best show we'd ever done in our life and those people would have seen it, and they'll be on the streets to explain how brilliant it was, and nobody would listen, nobody would listen.
l thought that would be the way to do Python, finally.
And you feel that you've had quite enough - Are you in A? - Yeah.
Just remember that you're travelling on a planet that's evolving And revolving at 900 miles an hour And orbiting at 19 miles a second, so it's reckoned The sun that is the source of all our power The sun and you and me and all the stars that we can see Are moving at a million miles a day ln an outer spiral arm at 40,000 miles an hour Of the galaxy we call the Milky Way The one thing l've learned from Python, you never have enough yachts.
l've got twelve and it's just not enough.
John's got a flotilla.
Terry had one, but it sank.
Eric, Eric, well, he doesn't do yachts, he does huge cruise liners.
Got four of them up in a bloody creek, a sort of creek, it's just a place outside his house where you can keep boats, you know.
lf ever anyone took action against that would be Pearl Harbor, if they had a go at Eric's little fleet.
But, no, you can't have enough yachts.
.
.
from galactic central point We go round every 200 million years And our galaxy is only one of millions and billions ln this amazing and expanding universe And so on.
Have the facts changed since you wrote it? The facts have changed.
That's interesting.
The facts haven't changed, our knowledge of the facts as we think has changed.