Mr Bigstuff (2024) s01e06 Episode Script

1
The following program me contains
strong language, adult themes
and adult humour.
Do you ever feel like you're
the worst person in the world?
I tell you Ron, we're gonna have
to find this brother of his.
Jesus! Christ! I'm Sue.
So, Glen was telling me that
you run the family business.
You're my brother. So, whatever
it is I'll, I'll help you.
Just as long as it's
not money, obviously.
Every penny we've got
goes to the wedding fund.
You just gotta keep your eyes open
alright, for geezers driving about
in blacked out motors with
tattoos on their faces.
Glen, we are celebrating!
Check the Savings Account.
What?!
Thanks Trish. Best
chips in town these!
I know.
I'll shout when your
donuts is ready.
Great! Enjoy.
Yeah, will do Trish. Thank you.
It's not Trish. Sorry?
It's not Trish.
It's Julie.
That's just for
marketing purposes.
Oh.
Right, OK.
Great, well thank you.
You won't believe what
Trish has just told me
Kirsty, I, I'm sorry but I do
think we need to call the bank.
Oh, for goodness sake, I've
told you, look it's an app,
it'll be a glitch!
Yeah but what if it's not, Kirst?
We're meant to be celebrating, Glen!
Kirst but what if it's, what
if it's, you know, 'fraud'
like 'bank fraud'? Or Well,
it's not gonna be that is it?
You know Just
shush and eat a chip.
or a scam? Like e-mail scams,
you know, or something like that,
I mean I don't, I don't
What?
Call the bank, Glen. But why?
Call the bank! But why?
Call the fucking bank.
I am doing! But why?!
OK, there was an
e-mail from the bank.
But then when I looked again, it
wasn't from the bank, it was like,
all spelt wrong. Kirsty.
Did you click a link?
No! I don't think so.
Did you click a link
Kirsty? No, I don't know.
Did you click a link
Kirsty? Did I click a link?
Think Kirsty. Did you click a
link? I don't know. I don't know
Did you click it? I don't
In your own words,
what is the nature of your
call? I've clicked a link!
I'm sorry. I
didn't quite catch that
Hold the star key! I
saw it on the One show!
Yep, yep, alright. Fuck! Oh
my god, won't it be alright?
They'll sort it, won't they?
They'll sort it out, will they,
will they sort it?!
Kirst breathe, Kirsty,
Kirsty, breathe. OK,
yeah! Oh shit! No!
The passwords, Glen?! For
the bank! We don't know them!
I don't know them!
Do you know them?
I don't know. I don't know,
I mean It's alright,
we'll talk to
them.OK. And I'm sure,
I'm sure that
they will Yeah.
be able to erm
Actually y'know what
Kirsty, just drive.
What? Yeah, just go.
The passwords are at home. Let's
go. But we haven't got our
Nah, just drive Kirsty.OK. Drive.
Just drive Kirsty! OK I'm
Oi! Come and get your donuts?!
Sorry Trish! Fuck!
Julie, sorry Julie!
Go go faster, go faster
Kirsty! What? What's going on?
Faster, er, erm
Hello there! You're
speaking to Jonathan.
Whom I speaking to? Hi,
it's Glen, Glen Campbell.
Do you mind if I call you Glen?
No, that's completely fine.
FUCK! Can I start by
taking your account number?
Glen, what's going
on?! Yeah, Kirsty.
I didn't want to tell you
this. But it's about Lee.
There're men looking
for him. Bad men.
What? And that's who's
behind us? It might be, yeah.
Are we ready with the number?
Well, what do they want Lee for?
Well I don't know Kirsty, they're,
they're bad men aren't they
so I mean like
What, kill him?!
Well, I don't know the details!
If you don't have
your details to hand,
your personal banking PIN will
do. Go left Kirsty, go left!
Where? Here!
What the fuck Glen?!
Why didn't you tell me?! I
didn't want to panic you, did I!
Oh brilliant, well that's
panned out really well, yeah!
I'll just pop you on hold.
Glen. Brace.BEETHOVEN:
Symphony No. 9 in D minor ♪
Hello?
Oh shit!
Oh shush, Glen. We've
all seen Top Gear.
Hello?
Lee! Lee! LEE!
Fraud squad! Fraud team! We need the
Fraud Squad. Whatever you call them!
Yes, yes, no I, I
do understand
but you'll still need
to give me the pass
Yes Jonathan! The passwords,
yes. I'm just looking for them!
He's not here. He's not
answering his phone.
Pick up, Lee but I'll
still need to get the pass
Glen, where's the
thing? Kirst your shoes!
What thing? The thing! The can!
The fake bean can, the bean can,
the can! Under the sink!
Where it always is
NO! It's not there! It's not
Symphony No.
9 in D minor CONCLUDES
Hello?! I really
do need the er
Call the police! I've called
911 because of movies!
Oh!
Oh!
Um Oh! Lee's not here!
Whatever it is you
want, he's not
Is that you, Glen?
Oh Glen, no.
Hello Uncle Ron.
All my bags are packed,
I'm ready to go
Standing here
outside your door
I hate to wake you
up to say goodbye ♪
He's fucked
us. Your brother.
Taken everything we've got.
The haulage business was
losing money unbeknownst to us.
Lee's kept it secret
and tried to fix it.
Got deeper and deeper
in debt until
bang.
All gone tits up.
The firm was everything Glen. That's
our savings, pensions, our futures.
Our business! That me
and your dad started.
That your dad
passed down to Lee.
And
now, that's all
If he'd just told us. If
he'd asked us, we could've
But he didn't
because it's all front
with your brother!
Plays the big man but when
times get hard, he runs off.
Yeah!
Could I trouble you for another
one of those wafer biscuits?
Absolutely, yeah.
How did you find me?
Er, you're on LinkedIn Glen. It
doesn't take a fucking genius.
You can't treat people like
that. People who love you.
I know the money's not
coming back, I know that!
He needs to look
me in the eye
and understand all
the fucking pain.
It's alright mate.
He owes me that much.
So erm, when's he getting back?
Kiss me and smile for me
Tell me that
you'll wait for me
Hold me like you'll
never let me go
'Cause I'm leaving
on a jet plane
Don't know when ♪
He's taken
everything. Yeah.
Oh. It's just Mum.
That's a lovely
warm welcome, innit.
Now listen Sue.
We're in the middle of
something. Ex-cuse me?!
Mother! Have you
called the police?
No. What's the point?
By the time it takes the old
Bill to get their heads round it,
he'll be halfway
to Torremolinos.
With our wedding
fund.
Sorry. It was just erm.
FUCK!
.
Hello?!
Who am I, the ghost of
fucking Christmas past?!
Yes, we can hear you mother! Sue!
Something's happened, alright.
It's erm, my brother Lee. He,
he was staying here with us.
You don't say.
Now, I know he's
your flesh and blood,
but I can't lie Glen, the
bloke's a fucking melt.
What? Wait, you've seen him?
Seen him? Oh yeah,
I've taken two buses
and a 40-minute trek
down the dual carriageway
just because of that fucking prick!
What, where, where, where is he?
Sue, Sue it's important.
Fucked if I know?!
Right. He dumped me and
that gay fella on the A12
after he naffed off with
my Samsung Galaxy. But
Wait! Mum, you left
your phone with him?
I didn't leave it with him, he
nicked off with it, didn't he!
OK. I put Find my
Friends on Mum's phone,
when we thought she
was stealing our ham!
Yeah, yeah. SUE:
You fucking what?
Do you mind, mum?? This
actually is not about you!
Oh right, OK.
I'll sort meself out for a
drink then shall I? Excuse me.
Where is he?
Oh sorry. I'd say
he's in Stanstead by now.
Costa Del Sol's Luton. Well,
I seem to remember using
Stansted in the past. No!
He's not at the airport!
Where, where, where is he Kirst?
He's in Dagenham? Dag? Dagenham?
What the fuck's he doing
with 15 grand in Dagenham?
He ain't got 15 grand.
He left this behind. Fucked off.
Big freaky look on his face!
Fancy talking to me now, do you?
Is that all of it??
Minus 50 quid
for my trouble.
Hang on, hang on, no
Wait a second.
Isn't Dagenham where
their Dad erm
In Oh fuck! Oh!
Glen?
Rhinestone Cowboy ♪
I've been walkin'
these streets so long
Singin' the same old song
I know every
crack in these dirty
Sidewalks of Broadway
Where hustle's
the name of the game
And nice guys get washed
away like the snow in the rain
There's been a
load of compromising
On the road to my horizon
But I'm gonna be where
the lights are shinin' on me
Like a rhinestone cowboy ♪
Like a rhinestone cowboy ♪
Per un
pugno di dollari ♪
It's alright Kirst. You
stay there, I know where he'll be.
Wait, wait. Glen, Glen.
Like a Rhinestone Cowboy
Getting cards and letters
From people I don't even know
And offers comin' over the
phone
Like a ♪
How could you?
After I welcomed you back.
That's Oh.
So what, you just
gonna fuck off, yeah?
Stay here for the night and then
er, what just drive away, fuck off?
Run away like you always do?
Somethin' like that.
I should've known.
You
you are a selfish piece of shit.
No, no.
Honestly, I don't know how you
can fucking live with yourself!
What are you-you are
fucking kidding me.
No, no, no leave
it! No. Fucking
No! Don't!
You don't get to
No! You do not get to do
this you selfish twat!
Who the fuck are you
to tell me what I get to do?!
Questioning me? You haven't got
a clue! The FUCKING pressure!
The fucking
Do you want to talk
about it, or
You've been a baby
your whole life!
No responsibilities.
Protected from everything.
No responsibility?
Mum shielded you from it all!
Except the responsibility
of looking after her.
Oh, here we go. Trump card.
Yeah. You left Lee!
You left her all-all alone.
Through her illness,
through everything.
Where were you
through that bit, eh?
When she got sick and I had
to I had to look after her!
Where, where were
you through that?
Oh yeah, that's it, I remember,
out, off your head on fucking
pingers!
I don't know the terminology
do I. I was grieving my Dad!
Oh sure. You have no fucking idea
what it was like for me when he died!
I've been trying to live
up to him my whole life!
Trying to be the big man!
Do you think
I wanted that?!
I just wanted one chance
just to make him
all I ever wanted
was to make him
Proud?
Yeah.
I reckon it's a bit
late for that, ain't it?
Ron and the boys,
told us everything.
No more secrets. Alright?
Yeah.
It's all out in the
open. It's just
we'll try and sort this mess
out, whatever that looks like.
It's over.
Yeah?
Yeah.
It's over.
It's fine Kirst!
He's gonna
everything's gonna be alright.
He's just
Lee?
Lee?
Lee? Lee!
Lee!
It's a bloody gas tank!
Il Silenzio
Vale Piu Delle Parole ♪
Il silenzio vale
piu delle parole
Ma negli occhi
tuoi
Sta morendo ♪
Ha, it's fucking empty!
Oh my god!
Tonight Matthew,
I am going to be
Bunny!
Can't even
fucking get that right!
Lee, Lee, Lee, Lee, come out and
we can, we can go home and we,
we can erm, well I don't know what
but I'm sure that we'll all
Oh, for fuck's sake,
he's gonna flambe himself!
No, no, no, don't do that!
Right, to be honest Lee, I think
it'd just burn your hair off but
Fuck off!
Glen What?
No. Stay back!
Just. Just-just put it down, Lee.
Fuck off! Leave me alone!
No, no I won't do
that, actually.
Go! I'm shit!
No, you're not shit.
You're well yeah alright,
actually you are a bit shit
but, but, but y'know, we're
all shit. Aren't we? Ey?
Glen?
Here.
Lee?
Look at me then, you prawn.
Movin On Up ♪
Ey?
Come on (SPOONS
It's your bit, remember?
Come on, come on.
You gonna dance or what?
I can't do it without you Lee.
..you broke my heart
There's no way back
..Move right outta here baby
Go on pack your bags
Just who do you think you are?
Stop acting like some
kinda star.. ♪That's it.
I won't lie. I
did not expect this.
Alright, yeah, that's it.
..Take it like a man
baby if that's what you are
'Cause I'm moving on up
You're moving on out
Moving on up
Nothing can stop me
I'm moving on up
You're moving on out ♪
Why didn't you just leave me?
Cause I love you,
don't I you twat.
You stupid bloody massive twat.
Come on. No.
What? Dad.
Leave it mate! LEE: He's
all over the fucking dashboard!
We can come back
with a fucking hoover.
Will we fuck!
Lee, please, come on. No!
Come on! What kind of a son
would I be if I left him!?
In the middle of
a fucking factory!
Lee!
That's not yer Dad!
You what?
Your Dad's not dead!
Your Dad, your
Your Dad's in fucking Tenerife.
For fucks sake!
El Cumbanchero ♪
I'm sorry, Tenerife?
He's running
a jerk chicken place
in Playa de Las Americas.
Your Mum made me swear
I'd never tell you.
Ah well.
Sorry Jaqui.
Jerk chicken?
Yeah it's,
it's similar to Piri-Piri,
just not quite as spicy.
Honestly, just talk normal.
She's not gonna wake up.
Are you mum?
See.
But what about the
Ashes? Well sure.
Only your Mum was best mates
with Jeff Gardner who had a
what-do you-call-it?
Pet crematorium.
What so it's a fucking
labrador Well
Not necessarily.
Could've been a large cat
or maybe a baby donkey.
Oh, it's Roger next door.
Just ignore him.
Listen, I know
you've had a hard day of it.
What with all this and the bit
when you tried to top yourself,
twice.
I understand there are mental
issues in here and all that,
but at the end of the day we're all
out of a job unless things get fixed.
This is a big mess
to clean up, Lee.
And you, you are the
man who wields the mop.
Alright Bun.
No, no, Tel, he's right.
What I've done it's er
all them fucking years,
trying to live up to dad
and it turns out
He left Mum with two kids and
opened a jerk chicken shop?
Yeah
All the same we'll expect
you first thing Monday morning yeah.
I know you're in there!
Move these ruddy
cars off my drive!
What if I had visitors?!
I'm just gonna go and have
one of these.
Alright, well, thanks
be the fuck that's all sorted.
Hang on.
No but, look at him
surely we can't Glen,
if he doesn't come back,
we don't have a chance of
getting this sorted, like.
There's no alternative.
Well
what if the company were to
accept a Bridging Loan of say
I dunno like, of
just over 15,000 or
Kirsty! No! She means
the wedding money.
It's the right thing to do love.
Kirst, we can't just give away
all We're not giving it away.
They'll make it back in like
yeah, I mean it will
take, years. But
You don't want to get
married? That's what it is!
No, that's not what
it is. Of course not.
I think, maybe just the idea
like, took over a little bit.
And, well maybe a bit more like
focussed on that than we were on us?
And we're so much
better now, aren't we?
And I'm so glad.
But yeah, if it means just delaying
the wedding a little bit then
that is what I
think we should do.
If you agree?
If that's what you want, yeah.
Open up immediately!
I shan't ask again!
Roger, we're having a bit
of a, we've had a family I
don't give a tuppenny toss, son!
Glen.
Alright, Roger!
Love, that's your wedding?
You want to
watch your tone chum!
Didn't your mother
teach you any manners!
Actually, sorry, can I just get my
cagoule please, I'm just gonna
Yeah.
W-W-Why?
No, nothing, just er, won't
be a minute, I'll er
yeah. Glen
Bring it, cunt!
Morning!
Oh!
Stinky old man!
Where will you go?
Don't worry about me
mate, I'll be fine.
Well
It's been Yeah.
I just wanna say something.
It's important that you don't
respond OK, don't respond,
just erm acknowledge
it, give me a nod.
I er
I love ya.
You big nonce!
You alright?
Yeah, yeah yeah.
It's for the best
though, eh love?
Hmm, hm, you're
right, yeah, yeah.
Well. Shall we go inside,
put the kettle on.
Ooh we can catch the
last bit of FUCK!
Lee! Ba ba ba ba ba
Wait! Ba ba ba ba
Ba ba ba ba ba ba
ba ba ba ba ba ba
Ba ba ba ba ba
ba
..Ba ba ba ba ba ba
ba ba ba ba ba ba ba
Ba ba ba ba baaaa
Actually
I still Oh Christ
I'm unfit hmmm.
You can't go just yet.
We've got business.
Hey? Got family business.
Glen. I need you
to stay, alright,
because
I want to find Dad.
I want to find dad and I want to
punch him in the fucking face!
Sleep like a baby Shut
up and reverse you shit!
Kirst!
My little lady
Kirsty!
He's gonna stay
Kirst! He said Oh?
Oh, fuck me!
We're gonna find Dad!
We're gonna find
Oh, that's great!
Yeah, yeah. Innit? I know!
Oh yeah yeah.
You sure? Yeah of course!
Right!
..Turns on the day
In the Avenues and Alleyways
While you sleep there's
a whole world coming alive
Abel and his brother,
Fighting one another
In and out of every dive
The Avenues and Alleyways
Where the strong and the
quick alone can survive
Look around the jungle
see the rough and tumble
Listen to a squealer cry ♪