Nathan For You (2013) s01e06 Episode Script

1 - MY NAME IS NATHAN FIELDER AND I GRADUATED FROM ONE OF CANADA'S TOP BUSINESS SCHOOLS WITH REALLY GOOD GRADES.
NOW, I'M USING MY KNOWLEDGE TO HELP STRUGGLING SMALL BUSINESS OWNERS MAKE I IN THIS COMPETITIVE WORLD.
[triumphant music.]
THIS IS NATHAN FOR YOU.
OF ALL THE WAYS TO MAKE MONEY WITH DEAD BODIES, PERHAPS THE MOST POPULAR IS RUNNING A FUNERAL HOME, AND WITH PEOPLE DYING DAILY FROM EVERYTHING FROM HEART ATTACKS TO COLLAPSING DURING A STOCK PHOTO SHOOT, THE FUNERAL BUSINESS HAS NEVER BEEN MORE PROFITABLE.
JUST ASK CANDY BOYD.
SHE'S BEEN RUNNING BOYD FUNERAL HOME IN LINWOOD, CALIFORNIA, FOR OVER 15 YEARS, AND TODAY, I PAID HER A VISI WITH AN IDEA TO MAKE HER BUSINESS EVEN BETTER.
UNBEKNOWNST TO CANDY, I WENT BY THE NIGHT BEFORE IN MY USUAL DISGUISE TO SCOPE THINGS OUT, BUT MY BEARD WAS COMING LOOSE, SO I WAS TOO AFRAID TO GO INSIDE, SO I ENDED UP JUS CHECKING OUT THEIR WEBSITE TO LEARN MORE ABOUT THE BUSINESS.
SO BASICALLY, YOUR BUSINESS IS DEATH.
- CORRECT.
CORRECT.
- AND THAT MUST BE BITTERSWEET FOR YOU.
- I MUST SAY, IT IS.
- BITTER BECAUSE PEOPLE DIE - RIGHT.
- AND SWEET - RIGHT.
- BECAUSE YOU'RE MAKING MONEY.
- EXACTLY, EXACTLY.
- SO IT'S HARD, BECAUSE YOU MAYBE GET EXCITED WHEN SOMEONE DIES.
- RIGHT, EXACTLY.
- BECAUSE YOU'RE LIKE, "I'M GONNA PROFIT FROM THIS" - RIGHT, EXACTLY, EXACTLY.
- BUT IT'S SAD BECAUSE, "OH" - EXACTLY, EXACTLY.
- THEY'RE, LIKE, LOSING.
- EXACTLY.
- SO IT'S A BALANCE.
- IT'S A BALANCE.
- MONEY WAS CLEARLY IMPORTANT TO MRS.
BOYD, AND I SAW SHE WAS MISSING OU ON SOME PROFITABLE SERVICES TO OFFER HER CUSTOMERS.
THE PLAN--I WANTED HER TO GIVE PEOPLE THE OPTION OF BUYING MORE FRIENDS.
- BUYING MORE FRIENDS? - BASICALLY, WHEN YOU DIE, YOU WANT TO HAVE A LOT OF PEOPLE COME TO YOUR FUNERAL, BECAUSE IT SHOWS THAT YOU'RE WELL-LIKED.
- CORRECT.
- SO I THINK YOU SHOULD GIVE PEOPLE THE OPTION OF PAYING FOR ACTORS TO BE FAMILY OR FRIENDS AT A FUNERAL.
- OH, I SEE, I SEE.
- LIKE, TO FILL THE ROOM.
DO YOU UNDERSTAND? - YEAH.
- AND IT COULD BE A VERY PROFITABLE ADD-ON SERVICE TO OFFER TO PEOPLE.
- WELL, I MEAN, IT IS PRETTY INTERESTING.
I DON'T KNOW-- - I'D LOVE TO DEMONSTRATE FOR YOU WHAT IT MIGHT LOOK LIKE.
- OH, SURE.
THAT'D BE GREAT.
-AND MAYBE THAT WOULD HELP SELL IT TO YOU.
- I'M NOT SAYING "NO.
" LET'S JUST SEE WHAT HAPPENS, AND, YOU KNOW-- - TO DEMONSTRATE MY IDEA, I NEEDED TO ASSEMBLE A DREAM TEAM OF ACTORS WHO KNOW HOW TO CONDUC THEMSELVES AT A FUNERAL, SO I ME WITH SOME PROFESSIONAL ACTORS TO PICK OUT THE BEST.
THIS WIDOW JUST LOST HER HUSBAND.
- OKAY.
- SO MAKE HER FEEL BETTER.
- I'M SORRY ABOUT YOUR HUSBAND.
I'M SORRY ABOUT YOUR LOSS.
- AND MAYBE YOU'D HUG HER AND KISS HER.
- PLEASE CALL ME IF YOU NEED ANYTHING.
- SO YOU CAN DO A LOT OF DIALECTS, YOU WROTE.
- YES, I PICK UP PEOPLE'S LANGUAGES WITHOUT EVEN TRYING.
I DON'T MEAN TO, I--[sniffs.]
- IT SAYS "CANADIAN" YOU CAN DO? - CANADIAN, UM CANADIAN IS A LOT LIKE BRITISH.
- I'M CANADIAN.
- ARE YOU CANADIAN? - YEAH.
- WELL, YOU SOUND NORMAL.
- A CHILD IS RUNNING UP AND DOWN THE AISLES DURING THE SERVICE.
HOW DO YOU HANDLE THIS? - YOU ARE A LITTLE [bleep.]
! JUST GO BACK TO YOUR SEAT, OR I'M GONNA TELL YOUR [bleep.]
PARENTS! - I AM SEAN CONNERY.
I WANT A MASSAGE.
- I LIVE UP IN THE DESERT.
- NOW THAT I HAD SELECTED MY ACTORS, I WANTED TO DEMONSTRATE FOR CANDY WHAT A FUNERAL SERVICE WITH FAKE FAMILY AND FRIENDS MIGHT LOOK LIKE, SO SPENT THE NIGH WRITING A SCRIP FOR THE FUNERAL OF A FAKE DEAD GUY AND SENT I TO ALL THE ACTORS.
THE NEXT DAY, WE ARRIVED AT THE FUNERAL HOME REHEARSED AND IN WARDROBE, AND WITH THE ACTORS IN PLACE, IT WAS TIME TO BRING IN MRS.
BOYD.
THE WOMAN IN THE BLACK HA IS THE WIDOW.
- MM-HMM, THE WIDOW.
- AND SHE HIRED SEVEN ACTORS TO MAKE IT LOOK LIKE THAT MAN WHO JUST DIED, WHO'S GETTING IN THE CASKET, WAS MORE LOVED THAN HE WAS.
- OKAY.
- OKAY, AND I THINK WE'RE READY TO BEGIN.
- WE ARE GATHERED HERE TODAY TO REMEMBER SID HOWARD DOUBLETREE, AND IF THE ATTENDANCE TODAY IS ANY INDICATION, SID WAS A VERY LOVED MAN.
WOULD ANYONE LIKE TO SAY A FEW WORDS? - SID WAS SUCH A GOOD GUY.
HE ONCE GAVE ME $1,000 FOR NO REASON.
I'M SO SAD.
I AM SO SAD.
I AM SO SAD.
I AM SOSAD.
[sobbing.]
- I CAN'T HOLD IT IN ANYMORE.
[sobbing.]
ME AND SID WERE LOVERS.
WE'VE BEEN HAVING AN AFFAIR FOR THE LAST SEVEN YEARS.
[sobs.]
- I KNEW IT! EVERY NIGHT HE SAID HE WAS GOING TO 7-ELEVEN, HE WAS WITH YOU! - I'M SORRY.
- WE CANNOT BE MAD.
SID WAS CURSED CURSED WITH THE GIF OF HAVING TOO MUCH LOVE TO GIVE.
- NOW, PLEASE JOIN ME IN SINGING DEATH HAPPENS, AN ORIGINAL FUNERAL SONG BY NATHAN FIELDER, AS YOU COME UP TO VIEW THE BODY.
- HE'S SO SAD all: DEATH IS SO SAD DEATH IS SO SAD BUT IT HAPPENS - JOHN, YOUR EYES ARE OPEN.
YOU NEED TO KEEP YOUR EYES CLOSED.
ARE YOU--YOU'RE MOVING YOUR LEGS TOO.
YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE DEAD.
DO YOU-- - I DIDN'T REALIZE I WAS MOVING IT.
I THOUGH I WAS ABSOLUTELY STILL, SO-- - OKAY, YOU'RE TALKING NOW.
YOU CAN'T EVEN DO ANY OF THAT.
OKAY, JUST--I NEED YOU TO BE-- I'M JUST GONNA CLOSE THIS, BECAUSE I THINK IT'D JUS BE BETTER FOR THE REST OF US.
DEATH IS SO SAD - DEATH IS SAD all: BUT IT HA-APPENS THINGS GET BETTER FOR FRIE-IENDS SO HOW SOON DO YOU THINK YOU'LL BE IMPLEMENTING IT? - YOU KNOW WHAT? I NEED A LITTLE MORE TIME TO THINK ABOUT IT.
BUT LIKE I SAID, MORE "YES" THAN "NO.
" - I DON'T KNOW IF YOU DID, AND YOU DON'T HAVE TO, BUT SOMETIMES, WHEN I DO THESE THINGS, PEOPLE WILL HAVE A "THANK YOU" GIFT FOR ME.
I DON'T KNOW IF YOU-- - OKAY, NO, I GUESS NOT.
- OKAY, WELL, IN THESE SITUATIONS, WE JUST HAVE SOMETHING PREPARED.
- MM-HMM.
- SO MAYBE I COULD GIVE IT TO YOU AND YOU COULD HAND IT TO ME SO IT'S LIKE YOU'RE GIVING IT TO ME ON CAMERA.
- OKAY.
OKAY.
- OKAY, SO I'LL JUST-- I'LL JUST GRAB IT.
- [laughs.]
OKAY.
- OKAY.
SO I'LL--I'LL COME IN AGAIN.
- OKAY.
- OH, HI, MRS.
BOYD.
- HI.
HI, HOW ARE YOU? - HI, GREAT.
- GOOD, GOOD.
GOOD TO SEE YOU.
- UM, WHAT IS THIS? - THIS IS A-- A SMALL TOKEN OF MY APPRECIATION FOR THE SERVICE THAT YOU BROUGHT TO MY ATTENTION.
- OH, MY GOD.
THANK YOU.
YOU REALLY DIDN'T HAVE TO DO THIS.
- YES, WE DID.
- SCISSORS? - MM-HMM.
[laughs quietly.]
- WHY DID YOU GET ME SCISSORS? - EVERYBODY NEEDS A PAIR OF SCISSORS, I GUESS.
[laughs.]
- ARE THESE USED OR ARE THEY NEW? - NO, THEY'RE NEW.
- OH, OKAY.
GREAT, IT WAS-- THANK YOU FOR THE SCISSORS, AND I HOPE YOU USE THE IDEA.
- THANK YOU.
- OKAY.
BYE.
- BYE-BYE.
- PEOPLE WILL DO ANYTHING TO GET THE BEST, SO WHY IS THE PLACE THAT CLAIMS TO HAVE THE BEST BURGER IN LOS ANGELES COMPLETELY EMPTY? GUSTAVO MUNOZ OWNS L.
A.
BURGER IN LOS ANGELES, CALIFORNIA, AND HE HAS THE BEST BURGER IN TOWN.
- I HAVE THE BEST BURGERS IN L.
A.
- SO I PAID HIM A VISI WITH A WAY TO GET EVERYONE TO TRY HIS BURGER.
MY PLAN WAS A GUARANTEE: TRY THE BURGER, AND IF YOU DON'T THINK IT'S THE BEST IN L.
A.
, GUSTAVO WILL GIVE YOU $100 CASH OF HIS OWN MONEY.
- I DON'T KNOW.
- IT IS THE BEST, RIGHT? - IT'S THE BEST.
- OKAY, GREAT.
SO THEN WHAT'S THE PROBLEM? - WELL, I'M WORRIED ABOUT THE-- - UNLESS YOUR BURGER ISN'T THE BEST.
- UH, WELL, UM-- - WAIT, IS YOUR BURGER THE BEST? - OF COURSE, IT'S THE BEST.
- 'CAUSE NO BURGER PLACE HAS EVER MADE A CLAIM LIKE THIS, BUT YOU CAN, 'CAUSE YOU'RE THE BEST.
- WELL, IT SOUNDS GOOD.
- YEAH - IT SOUNDS GOOD.
- GUSTAVO AGREED TO PUT UP HIS OWN CASH FOR THE PROMOTION, AND IT WAS SUCH AN AMAZING OFFER, THAT I WAS EASILY ABLE TO LAND US ON L.
A.
'S MOST LISTENED-TO MORNING RADIO SHOW.
- [radio announcer.]
95.
5 KLOS.
- COME OVER, TRY OUR--OUR BURGERS.
IF YOU DON'T LIKE IT, IT'S GONNA BE $100 BILL.
- WOW, THAT'S IMPRESSIVE.
- THAT'S-- THAT'S A LOT OF BALLS, GUSTAVO - YEAH.
- 100 BUCKS, 'CAUSE I MEAN, AREN'T YOU--I MEAN, WHEN'S THIS PROMOTION HAPPENING? - IT'S GONNA HAPPEN TODAY AT-- - TODAY? - YEAH.
- I CAN'T WAIT TO HEAR HOW IT TURNS OUT.
OKAY.
- ALL FAITH, ALL RIGHT.
- AND I TRUST HIM, BECAUSE I HAVEN'T ACTUALLY TRIED THE BURGER.
I DON'T EAT RED MEA RIGHT NOW.
- WHAT? - WHAT? - SO I MEAN, WHEN HE SAYS IT'S THE BEST, I--YOU KNOW, I BELIEVE THAT IT'S THE BEST.
- OKAY.
- CAN I ASK, HOW MANY PEOPLE ARE LISTENING RIGHT NOW? both: MILLIONS.
- MILLIONS? - YEAH.
- MILLIONS OF PEOPLE ARE LISTENING TO THIS RIGHT NOW, GUSTAVO.
- THAT'S CRAZY.
- YEAH, THAT IS.
- LET'S GO TO FREDDY ON LINE TWO.
HELLO, FREDDY.
WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THIS PROMOTIONAL IDEA THAT L.
A.
BURGER'S THROWING ON.
- I THINK IT'S A TERRIBLE IDEA.
LET ME TELL YOU MY BACKGROUND, FIRST OF ALL-- - WELL, I--WHO CARES ABOUT YOUR BACKGROUND, FREDDY? [laughter.]
ALL RIGHT, NEXT CALLER, PLEASE.
- STEVE ON LINE TWO.
HELLO, STEVE.
WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THIS IDEA? - WELL, I ADMIRE, YOU KNOW, HIM STANDING BY HIS PRODUCT, BUT I THINK THAT SOMEBODY CAN BE DISHONES AND LIE ABOUT THE BURGER.
THEY CAN JUST SAY, "YOU KNOW, I'VE HAD OTHER BURGERS I THINK ARE BETTER.
" - I COULD SEE THAT GUSTAVO WAS GETTING NERVOUS DURING THE RADIO SHOW, SO AFTER, I HAD A TALK WITH HIM.
- SO I SAW YOU WERE A LITTLE BIT NERVOUS IN THERE.
- UM, A LITTLE.
[chuckles.]
- WELL, I DON'T WANT THIS TO BE A STRESSFUL EXPERIENCE FOR YOU, SO I'LL TELL YOU WHAT, EVEN THOUGH IT'S UNLIKELY I THINK PEOPLE WILL CLAIM THE $100, I'LL PERSONALLY PUT UP MY OWN MONEY IF THEY DO, BUT IT'S ONLY BECAUSE I TRUST YOU WHEN YOU SAY IT'S THE BEST.
IT IS THE BEST, RIGHT? - IT IS THE BEST, YES.
- SO WE WON' BE PAYING A LOT.
- WE'RE NOT GONNA PAY THAT MUCH MONEYAT ALL.
- OKAY, SO NO RISK ON YOU, IT'S ALL ON ME.
both: [laugh.]
- NOW I'M A BIT NERVOUS.
[both chuckle.]
THE RADIO SHOW APPEARANCE SEEMED TO WORK, BECAUSE WHEN WE GO BACK TO L.
A.
BURGER, THERE WAS A LINE AROUND THE BLOCK.
HUH? WHAT DO YOU THINK? IT'S PRETTY GOOD.
- YEAH, IT'S VERY GOOD, YEAH.
- ALL RIGHT, LET'S GO COOK SOME BURGERS.
- OKAY.
- AND WITH GUSTAVO ON THE GRILL, I GOT THE CROWD PUMPED FOR THE BEST BURGER EXPERIENCE THEY'VE EVER HAD.
ALL RIGHT, EVERYONE.
WELCOME TO L.
A.
BURGER.
THE PROMOTION IS ABOUT TO BEGIN.
[cheers and applause.]
AND AFTER A COUPLE PEOPLE BOUGHT BURGERS, IT SEEMED LIKE GUSTAVO WAS RIGHT.
- UH, I LISTENED TO KLOS THIS MORNING TO HEIDI AND FRANK, BUT IT'S A GOOD BURGER, YEAH.
IT'S EXCELLENT.
I LIKE IT.
- CAME IN HERE AND HAD ONE, BEST BURGER IN L.
A.
THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
- I WAS HAPPY TO SEE SOME PEOPLE WERE BEING HONES ABOUT LIKING THE BURGER, BUT I SUSPECTED OTHERS WERE LYING JUST TO GET THE MONEY.
- I MEAN, I'M NOT A FAN OF MUSTARD AND KETCHUP.
I THINK THEY SHOULD LEAVE THA TO MCDONALD'S, YOU KNOW? - IT'S LEAVING THAT AFTERTASTE IN MY MOUTH.
I'LL BE HONEST WITH YOU.
I'M GONNA GO HOME, AND I'M GONNA BRUSH MY TEETH TO TRY TO GET IT OUT, BECAUSE IT'S NOT GOOD AT ALL.
- WELL, THE BEST WAY TO TELL IF SOMEONE DOESN'T LIKE SOMETHING IS BY LOOKING AT THEIR FACE WHEN THEY TAKE A BITE.
- THERE'S NOTHING WRONG WITH THAT HAMBURGER, MAN.
THAT IS GOOD.
- WOW, DO YOU WANT $100 OR AN ACADEMY AWARD? - $100.
- I THOUGHT SOME PEOPLE MIGHT BE DISHONEST, SO I BROUGHT HOLY BOOKS FROM EVERY MAJOR RELIGION TO BE SURE PEOPLE WERE TELLING THE TRUTH.
- I DO NOT THINK THIS IS THE BEST BURGER IN L.
A.
- I DID NOT LIKE THE BURGER, I SOLEMNLY SWEAR.
- NO, I DON'T LIKE THE BURGER.
- OKAY.
- WHOO, ANYBODY GO SOME TOOTHPASTE, OR SOMETHING? SHOOT.
- BUT STILL, IT DIDN'T SEEM TO HELP, AND BY LATE IN THE AFTERNOON, I WAS PAYING OUT TONS AND TONS AND TONS OF MY OWN MONEY.
I JUST COULDN'T TELL WHO WAS LYING, AND WHEN I TRIED TO QUESTION PEOPLE, THEY GOT UNRULY.
- DUDE, I'LL CALL A LAWYER RIGHT NOW IF YOU'RE SAYING I'M [bleep.]
LYING.
- YEAH, BUT WHY ARE YOU SO MAD? - 'CAUSE YOU'RE SAYING I'M LYING.
IT'S NOT THE GREATES DAMN BURGER IN THE WORLD, OR IN L.
A.
- THE ONLY WAY TO CALM THE MOB WAS TO PAY THEM OUT.
I'M A FRUGAL GUY, SO THIS WAS REALLY HARD FOR ME.
- THIS IS MY SECOND BURGER.
IT'S GOOD, LIKE-- - YOUR SECOND BURGER? - WHOA HO HO HO! - THE SECOND? WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? - WAIT, TIME OUT.
- SECOND BURGER? - SECOND BURGER.
- IT'S GOOD.
- AND BY THE END OF THE AFTERNOON, I WAS DOING WHATEVER I COULD TO HOLD ONTO MY MONEY.
- THE BURGERS, WELL, DID NO REALLY SATISFY MY TASTES, AND I HADN'T EVEN HAD BREAKFAST.
- IT'S GETTING TO THE POIN WHERE IF WE GIVE YOU THE $100, WE MIGHT HAVE TO STAR CUTTING STAFF, AND RAQUEL WOULD BE THE FIRST TO GO.
- WHO'S RAQUEL? - SHE WORKS IN THE KITCHEN.
- OH, NO.
- SO YEAH, HERE'S YOUR $100 EACH.
HERE YOU GO.
- IT WAS REALLY BAD.
- YEAH.
- OH, HEY, RAQUEL.
WERE YOU JUST WALKING OUT HERE? - YEAH.
HI.
HOW ARE YOU? - GOOD, HOW ARE YOU? - UH, RAQUEL, THE PROMOTION IS COSTING US MORE THAN WE THOUGHT IT WOULD, SO WE'RE GONNA HAVE TO LET YOU GO.
- IT'S NOT FAIR.
- IT'S FINE.
HAVE YOUR MONEY.
HERE.
- NO, IT'S OKAY.
REALLY, - SHE'S WAITING AROUND.
I MEAN-- - I MEAN, NO THE TRUTH IS-- THE TRUTH IS, I MEAN, IF IT'S GONNA GET LIKE THIS, IT'S NOT REALLY WORTH IT.
- DO YOU WANT ME TO TAKE IT BACK? YOU TELL ME WHAT YOU WANT TO DO.
- YEAH, WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO WITH IT? - WE'RE GONNA KEEP YOU AROUND.
- [laughs.]
THANKS.
- THANKS.
THANK--THANK THEM.
THAT WAS NICE OF YOU GUYS.
- YEAH.
THANKS SO MUCH.
YOU GUYS ARE GENEROUS.
- NO PROBLEM.
- BY THE END OF THE DAY, THE CUSTOMERS LEFT HAPPY, AND GUSTAVO SOLD A LOT OF BURGERS.
IT SEEMED LIKE EVERYONE CAME OUT A WINNER, EXCEPT FOR ME.
HOW WAS IT TODAY? - GOOD.
IT WAS GOOD.
- THAT WAS BRUTAL FOR ME.
- REALLY? - I LOST $6,000.
- $6,000? - YEAH, OF MY OWN MONEY, FROM PAYING PEOPLE.
[sighs.]
IT MAY HAVE BEEN A LOT OF MONEY, BUT THEN AGAIN, IT WAS A SMALL PRICE TO PAY TO SEE GUSTAVO SMILE.
COMING UP, THOUGH, I RISK LOSING SOMETHING EVEN MORE PRECIOUS THAN MONEY-- MY LIFE.
- SOMETIMES, IF WE'RE HELPING A BUSINESS, IT'S IMPORTANT TO EXPERIENCE WHAT IT'S LIKE TO BE A CUSTOMER, AND ONCE IN A WHILE, THAT CUSTOMER EXPERIENCE IS PRETTY RAD.
SCOTT SMITH RUNS SKYDIVE PERRIS IN PERRIS, CALIFORNIA, AND THOUGH HE LOVES TO FALL, ONE THING HE DOESN'T WANT TO FALL IS HIS PROFITS.
- IT'D BE NICER TO HAVE A LITTLE BIT MORE CONSISTENCY IN TERMS OF THE BUSINESS LEVEL THROUGHOUT THE YEAR.
- SKYDIVING IS SO SWEET, AND I WAS STOKED TO PAY HIM A VISI TO HELP HIS BUSINESS OUT.
HEY.
- HI.
YOU MUST BE NATHAN.
- YEAH.
- SCOTT SMITH.
NICE TO MEET YOU.
- GOOD TO MEET YOU, MAN.
SKYDIVING, I MEAN - MM-HMM.
- THAT'S A COOL BUSINESS.
LIKE, REALLY, THAT'S SWEET, SO TELL ME ABOUT THAT.
- WELL, SKYDIVING, IT'S OUR BUSINESS HERE, BUT IT'S ALSO OUR PASSION.
- I MEAN, I'D LOVE TO DO, LIKE, A JUMP, TO GET A BETTER SENSE OF THE CUSTOMER EXPERIENCE, BUT MOSTLY JUST TO, YOU KNOW, LIKE, ROCK AND ROLL AND STUFF.
- YEAH, YEAH, YEAH.
- YEAH, JUST, LIKE, GET OUT THERE.
- EXCELLENT.
WELL, WE GOT SOME PAPERWORK YOU GOTTA FILL OUT FIRST.
- ALL RIGHT, SWEET, MAN.
- LET'S DO IT, MAN.
- I WAS PUMPED FOR MY FIRST SKYDIVE, AND THIS WOULD REALLY GIVE ME A GOOD SENSE OF THE CUSTOMER EXPERIENCE AT SKYDIVE PERRIS, BUT MOSTLY, I JUST WANTED TO GE ON OUT THERE AND EAT SOME WIND.
SO HOW HIGH ARE WE GOING, LIKE 500 FEET? - UH, NO, WE'RE GOING TO 12,500 FEET.
[clears throat.]
IT'S A LITTLE BIT HIGHER THAN THAT.
LET ME--LET ME-- TELL YOU WHAT, LET ME GET THIS ADJUSTED FOR YOU HERE.
- OH, COOL.
IT WAS TIME FOR SOME BALLS-TO-THE-WALL RISK-TAKING FUN, AND EVEN THOUGH THIS JUMP WOULD BE A CINCH FOR ME, I WAS STILL SUPER STOKED.
- WHOO! [dramatic music.]
- BUT I'M SUPPOSED-- I THINK-- I TOTALLY FORGOT I HAD LUNCH PLANS WITH MY FRIEND, WHICH WAS TERRIBLE SCHEDULING ON MY PART.
REGARDLESS, I COULDN'T DO THE JUMP, OR I'D KEEP MY FRIEND WAITING.
SORRY, I-I SHOULD HAVE THOUGHT OF IT BEFORE AND EVERYTHING, I'M JUS SUPPOSED TO MEET, UH, MY FRIEND.
- OKAY.
IT'S OKAY.
- IT'S EMBARRASSING, 'CAUSE IT SEEMS LIKE AN EXCUSE, OR LIKE I'M--YOU KNOW, AN EXCUSE FOR CHICKENING OUT, BUT I DIDN'T.
- OKAY.
OKAY.
- WHAT? WHY ARE YOU LAUGHING? - YEAH, OKAY--[clears throat.]
I WOULD--I'M NOT LAUGHING.
- I'M REALLY MEETING A FRIEND FOR LUNCH.
- OKAY, THAT'S FINE.
- I DON'T KNOW IF YOU'RE-- YOU DON'T BELIEVE ME, THOUGH.
- I IT DOESN'T MATTER, DOES IT? NO, YOU'RE MEETING-- - WELL, COME, COME.
I'LL--LIKE, I'LL-- - OKAY.
- YOU CAN MEET HIM.
- OKAY.
- I REALLY WANTED TO JUMP.
IT SUCKS.
- OH, WE'LL JUST GO BACK AND DO IT ANOTHER TIME.
- YEAH, DEFINITELY.
[warning beeps dinging.]
WEARING A SEAT BELT? - YEAH.
- WHEN WE ARRIVED AT THE RESTAURAN WHERE I WAS SUPPOSED TO MEE MY FRIEND, IT SEEMED LIKE HE WAS RUNNING LATE.
THIS IS SO ANNOYING.
BUT THEN I SPOTTED HIM THERE HE IS.
LATE AS USUAL.
HEY! HOW'S IT GOING? HEY, GOOD TO SEE YOU.
- HOW'S IT GOING? - HOW'S IT GOING? - [laughs.]
- HEY, CAN YOU HELP ME OUT? - UH-- - I NEED YOU TO PRETEND TO BE MY FRIEND.
I CAN PAY YOU.
WOULD YOU LIKE $40? - OKAY.
- IS THAT OKAY? - SURE.
- I FORGO THAT I OWED MY FRIEND $40, SO THE FIRST THING I DID WAS PAY HIM BACK.
- SO WHAT WAS YOUR NAME AGAIN? - NATHAN.
IT'S VERY IMPORTANT YOU CONVINCE HIM YOU'RE MY FRIEND.
- ALL RIGHT.
- OKAY? ALL RIGHT, COME ON.
HOW ARE YOU? GOOD TO SEE YOU.
- WHAT'S UP, BUD? - I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU FOR AWHILE.
- ALL RIGHT.
- DON'T ACT TOO-- YOU'RE OVERACTING.
THIS IS SCOTT.
- I MEAN, THE MAIN REASON I WANTED YOU GUYS TO CHA IS BECAUSE YOU'RE BOTH PRETTY INTO SKYDIVING, SO-- - YEAH.
OKAY.
- DO YOU EVER SEE HIM AROUND, OR-- - WHAT'S THAT? UM - OH, REALLY? - YEAH.
OH, OKAY.
- BUT YOU DID IT A BUNCH IN GERMANY, RIGHT? ISN'T THA WHERE YOU DID IT MOST? - MM-HMM.
- WELL, SCOTT MET MY FRIEND, SO NOW HE KNEW THA WHAT I WAS SAYING IN THE PLANE WASN'T AN EXCUSE FOR CHICKENING OUT, SO WE HEADED IN THE DINER WHERE I GOT TO CATCH UP WITH MY OLD PAL.
- TELL SCOTT THE STORY OF WHEN YOU CAME OUT OF THE CLOSET.
IT'S A FUNNY STORY-- TO YOUR PARENTS.
I MEAN, IT WAS AWKWARD, BUT-- - UM, WHEN I CAME OUT OF THE CLOSET, UM-- - AFTER WE WERE DONE WITH LUNCH, SCOTT ASKED ME IF I WANTED TO GO BACK AND DO THE JUMP, NOW THAT I WAS FREE.
MY ANSWER--HELL, YEAH.
SO WE DROVE BACK TO SKYDIVE PERRIS, SUITED UP AGAIN, AND HEADED ON THAT PLANE.
LOOKING OUT FOR MORE I WAS SUPER STOKED.
FINALLY, I'D BE ABLE TO EAT SOME SKY.
I START A HOLY WAR ONCE I GOT TO THE EDGE, THERE WAS NO HESITATION.
"THREE, TWO, ONE," AND I WAS GONE.
WAIT.
WAIT.
HOW LONG I GOTTA WAIT FOR-- WAIT FOR YOU? IT FELT SO GOOD TO FINALLY JUMP.
MAN, WHAT A THRILL.
BEING UP THERE WITH THE BIRDS-- SO PURE.
IN THE END, I REALIZED THAT SKYDIVE PERRIS DIDN'T NEED MY ADVICE, BECAUSE THEIR BUSINESS IS ALL ABOUT GIVING PEOPLE A REAL EXPERIENCE, AND IT DOESN'T GE MUCH REALER THAN THIS.
- AB-SO-LUTELY.