No Good Nick (2019) s01e06 Episode Script

Hm.
Voicemail.
Hey, Nick.
It's Sam.
I hear you went to the movies with Dorothy.
That's fun.
You know what else is fun? Getting us the money you promised.
So make it happen.
I'm losing my patience.
Also, I can't get my printer to work.
Can you remind me how to reinstall the driver.
Also, what is a driver? Dad? Hey, Nicky.
I'm checking to see if you finished your lab report for Ms.
Lee.
It's due tomorrow.
Spoiler alert: fruit flies multiply.
- Did the lawyer take the case? - He sure did.
I talked to him right after he saw you.
He said he loved meeting you.
So great job.
I'm proud of you.
Thanks, Dad.
And it'll be a while before he needs the next installment.
Wait.
Another installment? I thought that was it.
Yeah, me too, but now they're talking about investigators and filing fees and photocopies.
I just want this to be over.
No more scams, no more stealing.
I just want us to go back to the way things were before.
Believe me, that's what I want too.
Hopefully, this will be over real soon, and I'll be home with you.
Meanwhile, the Harbaughs are turning up the pressure.
I gotta find money for them quick.
Did you try the restaurant? No, not yet.
I have no idea where Liz keeps the cash.
All right, well, you have to get close to her.
Work your magic.
So I was thinking, I really wanna learn how to cook.
Okay.
I'm so excited.
A professional chef is about to give me a cooking lesson.
Are we making vending machine pastries? Yes.
No.
I don't know, are we? Put that all-purpose flour back and get the doppio zero flour.
That's double zero in English, or pasta flour, also in English.
Doppio zero Sounds like it costs some serious cash.
And that's why we charge $29 for ravioli.
Okay, now, help me build a flour volcano for the eggs.
Woo! Egg sacrifice.
So 29 bucks for ravioli, all that cash must add up at the end of the night.
No one uses cash anymore, all credit cards.
All right, now get ready to crack the eggs, or as I like to say, "Release the Kraken.
" Okay, but what about tips? Credit cards.
Do people ever slip the host a hundo to get a good seat? I can either teach you how to make pasta or about the economics of a cashless society.
Which is it? Let's cook, it sounds easier.
Oh, wait.
Didn't your mother ever teach you to pull your hair back and take your jewelry off before you cook? I never really knew my mother.
Oh.
I'm sorry, I thought she was in the car with your dad when Oh, yeah, she was.
She just wasn't really involved in my life.
Oh.
Wow, that's sad.
Yeah.
Well, let's make some pasta.
Yeah.
Oh, hey, Dad.
What are you up to? Listing the stuff that was stolen for the insurance company.
We never had a flat screen in the garage or a mountain bike.
They don't know that.
Everyone pads the insurance claim.
Insurance companies kind of expect you to do it.
Just so you know, I will testify against you.
Noted.
What are you up to? While you are gaming the system, I am looking for my Molly doll to donate to Toys for Tots.
Have you seen it? Ask Mom, she'll know.
No, thanks.
Ever since she made me miss the beach clean-up for that dumb doctor's appointment, I would file our status under "not great.
" On the bright side, you won't get diphtheria.
Tell it to the poor, suffering turtles.
I can't believe you're still mad at Mom after Family Safety Day, even after you got to throw her around the living room.
Did I enjoy myself? Yes.
Did it solve anything? No.
Dad, I need a favor, and you'll do it because you owe me.
That sounds less like a favor and more like an order.
Great, we're on the same page.
Look.
You made me miss the pancake breakfast, and now, Lisa has sewn the seeds of revolution.
Oh.
I guess I do owe ya.
Exactly.
You'll pay me back by chaperoning a team-building exercise I booked.
- It's called Escape the Museum.
- Ooh, what's that? It's an escape room, but the clues are related to art on display.
How exactly will that help? It'll show the student council I have what it takes to lead.
And Lisa will have to accept my presidency.
I'm more than happy to help, and hey, if it works out, maybe I can chaperone more activities.
Let's just concentrate on making me look like a hero.
Avengers Assemble, got it.
Molly! What was I thinking? I can't give you away.
No, I can't give you away.
I think Toys for Tots would really appreciate a gift card.
Don't be shy, really work it.
You make good pasta the same way you make diamonds: time and pressure.
Hey, you're a natural.
Have you done this before? Er, no, first time.
You must be a good teacher.
I used to do this all the time with Molly.
Really? Why'd you stop? Puberty.
I don't know how to respond to that.
Somewhere around middle school, she lost interest in cooking with me, and became more interested in testing boundaries and slamming doors in my face.
Bummer.
It'd be less of a bummer if I wasn't the one who had to enforce the boundaries.
Ed's not exactly the confrontational type.
Well, I guess someone has to do it.
Yeah, I just wish it wasn't always me.
I miss being Molly's friend mom.
Now I'm just her rules mom.
Believe me, any kind of mom is great to have.
Molly's very lucky.
Now after this dough has rested in the fridge for half an hour, I'll teach you to make the first kind of pasta I learned to make when I was your age, farfalle, which in English means Butterflies.
Exactly.
Mostly people call it bow tie pasta, but real chefs, like us, know it's butterflies.
I like to pretend that they're little slimy, dough caterpillars going in a cocoon of boiling water and out come beautiful butterflies.
Sounds disturbing, but also delicious.
The restaurant might not be the gold mine we thought.
It's all credit cards.
Pah.
It figures.
High-end places like that don't cater to average Joes with hard-earned cash.
But it wasn't a total loss.
The cooking lesson was great.
She even taught me a new way to make farfalle.
Oh, so you made butterfly pasta with Liz? Yeah, and we used doppio zero flour.
It's double zero in English.
It's rich-guy flour, is what it is.
Yeah, but it tasted so good.
It was really nice to cook again.
I miss it.
Yeah, I miss it too.
You know, making pasta on Sundays with you was always my favorite time of the week.
You know, I'd pin that little butterfly in your hair.
I don't know, I guess I thought cooking was our thing, but whatever.
To tell you the truth, the cooking lesson wasn't that great anyway.
Liz has all these lame rules, like tie your hair back, or take off your jewelry.
Wait.
That's it.
I know how to get the Harbaughs off my back.
I'm going to steal Liz's ring.
This next clue is going to take some teamwork.
Eric, Pete, start by working on this Da Vinci Cryptex.
Nah, I think we should line up the hands on this painting and see if it draws an arrow.
Forget that, we need to go back to the last room and count Roman heads to see where that leads us.
Well, just like Jeremy, I'm sure it leads us nowhere.
Come on, guys.
Just stick with my plan.
It took half an hour to figure out that last clue.
If we don't work together, we'll never escape the museum.
You should probably learn to embrace failure.
If you'd listened to me, we'd be done now.
Just to be clear, if we don't escape, they do let us out, right? This is a huge waste of time.
We're never going to solve this.
Who came up with this dumb idea? Let's get out of here.
No! Hang on, wait.
We can do this.
Solved it! Ha ha! It's another puzzle.
All right.
In order to finish this clue, we're gonna have to go to the Cubist exhibit and count some cubes.
Everyone, follow me.
The only way out is through.
- We would've gotten that.
- Not with you in charge.
Molly, you didn't water the plants! I'll do it later.
I'm doing homework! No, you're not.
Insta stories are like homework, and I'm acing this.
Molly, my herb garden is dying! Coming! Good, her herbs can join my sea turtles in heaven.
You're still mad at her about the beach clean-up? Er, yeah.
She just doesn't get me.
She doesn't understand how important this stuff is to me.
Well, it's not like it was 100% her fault.
They did text you.
Oh, my God.
Why are you taking her side in this? I'm not taking anyone's side.
I just think you could cut your mom some slack.
You're lucky to have her.
Hey, Nick.
Tell Molly if she's gonna lie about doing her homework, she shouldn't put it on Instagram.
Good point.
You ready for another cooking lesson? I'd love to, but now I have homework.
You should ask Molly.
I think she's still upset with me.
I found a pamphlet on my windshield called "Plastic Straws or Turtle Murder.
" - Dark.
- Right? This is silly.
How long does this usually go on for? Her record is 81 days of being mad at me for the "circus incident" of 2016.
I thought the elephants looked happy to be dancing.
I think you guys just need to talk it out.
Yeah, but she never listens to me.
Well, let's find out.
Oh, Molly! Oh, my God! There's a baby bird in the kitchen! Nick, wait You're welcome.
Where's the bird? Is it okay? I know avian CPR! Er, good news.
The bird just got up and flew out the window.
But while you're here, I was wondering if maybe you'd like to cook with me.
I'm kind of busy.
Too busy to make tiramisu? I'm listening.
- We'll make it the way you like it.
- You mean tirami-Molly? I'll even let you use a whisk.
Done and done.
We're supposed to track where the eyes are looking on this painting.
It'll lead us to a statue pointing to where the next clue is hidden.
I think the best approach would - Found it! - It was behind that plant.
- You already tracked the eyes? - No, I was digging around the room.
This game is so much easier if you don't play the game.
Let me handle this.
I'm good at puzzles.
But we should all help.
Got it! It's four dolphins.
How do you know? I did an image search on the pieces.
Anyhow, four dolphins means display 4D.
Hoh! Onward.
Great.
Why would we want the fun of solving a puzzle, when we can follow Jeremy's dad around.
In order to receive your next clue, you must pass a royal test.
First I'll give you ten bucks for the next clue.
Dad! Dear sir, how dare you impugn the integrity of a king Twenty bucks? It's on top of that pillar.
Man, I really wanted to take that royal test.
Here's a test.
- You two go find me a ladder.
- Where we gonna find a ladder? You just failed the test.
No getting around it.
We'll have to find the key to this book.
There's no time for that.
And I thought Jeremy was the most annoying Thompson.
Mr.
Thompson, what's the point of playing if we're gonna cheat? It's the only way you're gonna win.
I hate to break it to you, you suck at this escape-room thing.
Enough! The reason we're not winning is because we're not working together.
We were elected to student council because the school believes in us.
And so do I.
So we got this, Dad.
Let us finish this escape room on our own.
Yeah, Ed.
I mean, Mr.
Thompson.
All right, fine.
Thought you guys wanted to win.
I'll wait in the lobby.
Unless someone wants me to hang around for moral support.
No? Tough escape room.
Okay, let's get to work.
The key to this book is in three parts.
Pete, Chad, Sara, go to the maritime exhibit.
There's an sextant that will help you triangulate where the first piece is.
Got it.
Sextant.
Eric, Maria, Aimee, Seth, go to the space exhibit and recreate the moon landing.
When done, a game host will give you the second piece.
Alleged moon landing.
Well, that just leaves you and me.
We go to the garden.
There's a puzzle we have to solve that's up your alley.
I'm gonna do it because I love puzzles, not because you're the president.
So you admit I'm the legitimate president? I admit nothing.
But we're going to solve the puzzle? I know I'm gonna do it, and you're going to be impressed.
- So you're trying to impress me? - You wish.
Keep doing that, there won't be any cream left for the tiramisu.
Cream is the best part.
Let's get spoons and eat it from the bowl.
We did that when you were nine, and what happened? I loved it, and then I threw up all over the ladyfingers.
Speaking of lady fingers, can we arrange them to spell out "Extinct is forever"? Absolutely.
That is a very powerful subliminal message.
How's the cooking going? Great.
We're making tiramisu.
Correction, tirami-Molly.
Oh, you forgot to soak the ladyfingers in espresso.
Let me help.
I'll just boil some water.
Actually, this is the way we make it.
I don't like the taste of espresso, too bitter.
They say the bitterness enhances the sweetness of the cream.
They also say you should floss every night.
I don't do that either.
I totally floss.
Every night.
All right, I'm gonna get out of your way.
Have fun, guys.
Thanks, Nick.
We'll let you know when it's done so you can have a taste.
Sam, it's Nick.
Come by the house after midnight.
I'll turn off the security camera by the back door.
I just lifted a super valuable ring.
Hey, Dad.
Hey, so what was the final time on Escape From the Museum? One of the worst they've seen.
But we finished as a team.
That's what's most important.
No, what's most important is that by the time we got to the pizza place, they were all calling me "Mr.
President," except Lisa.
She called me "The Great Usurper.
" At least she used the word "great.
" Sounds like a win.
Thanks.
And Dad? - I know what you did.
- What you talking about? Well, we needed a common enemy to rally against.
You became that enemy.
Just like Ultron in The Avengers.
You made me Captain America.
Nah.
I think you stepped up and took the lead, just like I knew you could.
You made yourself Captain America with your super soldier serum of leadership and charisma.
Right.
Hey These things look like trees.
Yeah! That's what I do, I make paper tree sculptures out of old books and maps.
Doesn't anybody know what I do in this house? Dad, I'm messing with you.
Oh.
Good one.
I really like the Wuthering Heights one.
Ah, thanks.
Erm what's going on? Nothing, go back to bed.
Are you okay? I lost my ring down the drain when I was cooking.
I tore the whole sink apart, but I still can't find it.
I think it's gone forever.
Oh.
That sucks, but maybe you can, you know, replace it.
I can't just replace it.
It was my mother's ring.
She had to sell it when she lost her job, and Ed went to 15 different pawn shops across two states to get it back.
I know I give him a hard time, but I wouldn't trade him or that ring for anything.
Wait.
Stop crying.
Let me help you look.
You know, sometimes things get lodged in the build-up in the pipe walls.
You just have to give them a knock to jar them loose.
Yep, I once thought I lost a My Little Pony tiara down the drain.
Turns out it was just stuck in a pipe full of bacon grease.
Oh, something came out! Oh, my ring! Oh, thank you! Wow, this was embarrassing.
I just got tears and pipe grease all over you.
Hey, your grease smells better than most people's cooking.
Thanks again, Nick.
I don't know what I would've done without you.
Always happy to help.
Well, did you come for a snack, want me to make you something? Oh, no, I'm good.
You just go to bed.
We'll clean this up in the morning.
Okay.
Good night.
Good night.
By the way, about the tiramisu You're right about soaking the ladyfingers in espresso first.
That is the correct way to make it.
But Molly really likes it her way, and I really needed her to like me too.
Thanks for letting us have that.
Maybe next time we can all make it together.
Your way.
Shoot.
Sam.
Hey.
- It's so great to see you - Blah, blah.
Let's see the ring.
This is the super expensive ring I drove all the way over here for? Not just one.
There's four.
They're 100% silver.
It's a 100% pewter.
Which is the silver of napkin rings.
That's it.
We didn't get involved in this little scam to heist 20 bucks of cheap metal alloy.
- But - Enough.
We're taking some big risks here.
You delivered nothing.
You talked us into this operation, and the juice isn't worth the squeeze.
I'm pulling the plug on your little boondoggle.
Pack your bags.
You're coming home right now.