On Becoming a God in Central Florida (2019) s01e06 Episode Script
American Merchandise
1 - Previously - There's a rally in town tonight.
- Me! Me! - I'd like to interview you.
I'd like to interview you.
- Ernie did all of this? - Yeah.
He tapped a whole new market.
He didn't just close.
He super-closed.
[KRYSTAL.]
We're gonna go to Paradise Cay, and we're gonna get a one-on-one with Obie.
I work at Rebel Rapids, where I head up the Splashercize program.
Now, until you shut me down, I had the entire Orlando downline in there.
And the whole water park stocked to the gills with FAM products.
This book is a plan to franchise Splashercize to pools around the country.
[OBIE.]
I've been waiting for someone like you.
[CODY.]
Don't worry.
Mr.
Garbeau and I work closely now.
I'll talk to him.
I want you to fuck me so good that I forget what I'm doing here.
- [PANTING.]
- [DOG WHINING.]
[WOMAN.]
I'm sorry.
He's a very sick dog.
Do you know what a pancreas is? Sparkle is a bit past the point where we can help him.
I know.
I want you to kill him the nice way.
Your dad should really be here with you right now.
Your mother, then? [DOGS YELPING IN DISTANCE.]
These things cost money, doll.
Can you come back with a parent? [SOMBER PIANO MUSIC.]
[SPARKLE WHINES.]
[SPARKLE PANTING.]
[GRUNTS.]
[PANTING.]
[WHINES SOFTLY.]
Ooh [WOMAN.]
Hurry up, Krystal.
[SPARKLE WHINING.]
Can you help me? It ain't my dog.
[WHINING.]
[PANTING.]
[WHINING.]
[SNIFFLES, SIGHS.]
[GUN CLICKS.]
[LOUD BANG.]
[UP-TEMPO, DRAMATIC MUSIC.]
- [KRYSTAL.]
Where's my baby? oh! - [CODY.]
Oh - There she is! [GASPS.]
- Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.
- We got a washer and dryer.
- [LAUGHING.]
Thanks, guys.
So, when you're icing your back later on, just give me a call, okay? Today could be the last day you ever work.
You got to be kidding me.
[WASHER WHIRRING.]
I told you people hate that.
Oh.
There you go.
- [MARILLION'S "LAVENDER" PLAYS.]
- [DESTINEE COOS.]
Cody, I swear to God, - if that's a goddamned Obie tape - No.
- I'm not listening to that shit.
- No.
Dreaming of a spark When I heard the sprinklers Whisper, shimmer - [LAUGHING.]
What is this? - Shh.
Okay.
- Krystal.
- [MUSIC STOPS.]
I need you to listen, okay? I was walking in the park [COOING.]
- What is? - Dreaming of a spark Come here, Neenee.
When I heard the sprinklers whisper Shimmer in the haze of summer lawns Then I heard the children singing They were running through the rainbows They were singing a song for you Well, it seemed to be a song for you The one I wanted to write for you For you [SINGING ALONG.]
You - Want me to open that? - Lavender's blue Dilly, dilly, lavender's green When I am king, dilly, dilly You will be queen A penny for your thoughts, my dear - What is this? - A penny for your thoughts, my dear IOU for your love - Why are you being so weird? - Shh, shh, shh.
[WHISPERING.]
Look at my hand.
Lavender's green, dilly, dilly - Lavender's blue - Oh, God, Cody.
Oh, come on! All the strongest FAM partners are married, okay? And it'd be better for taxes.
And also, I feel like I've always been dead, and it's like it's like I'm finally alive, and and I'm in love with you.
So, how about it, Krystal Stubbs? [SINGSONGY.]
You and me sitting in a tree M-A-R-R-Y-N-G.
You missed the "I.
" How about an "I do" instead? That's a bona fide old mine cushion cut.
[SONG ENDS.]
Should I play the song again? 'Cause it-it really explains how I feel better.
I mean, that's why that's why I wanted you to listen to the words, you know? Get down on both knees.
[PLAYFUL, PERCUSSIVE MUSIC.]
[CLICKS TONGUE.]
It's been two weeks since Obie put you on security? And I haven't heard jack about Splashercize.
Sorry.
You want me to wear your ring? Show me what you're worth.
[GRUNTS.]
Ow.
- [DOORBELL RINGS.]
- [KNOCKING.]
Hey, Victor.
No? [SPEAKING SPANISH.]
[SPEAKING SPANISH.]
[LAUGHS.]
No.
No? No, no.
Look, what's the plan for today? - Okay? - Okay.
- [LINE RINGING.]
- [CLEARS THROAT.]
[MAN.]
Hello? - Hey, Stan, it's Ernie.
- Hey, Ernie.
Listen, something came up, and I'm not gonna be able to cover my shift tonight.
You can dock one of my sick days if you need to.
Oh, Harold again, huh? Hey, have you tried spanking the boy? No, it's not that kind of emergency.
Ernie, I am worried about you, all right? You are coming in late, you're leaving early, and today, you're not showing up at all.
Now, you're supposed to be my number two around here, but instead, Krystal's got you cleaning up number twos.
- Oh, she's got nothing to do with it.
- Oh, but FAM does.
Look, "To do two things at once is to do neither one.
" Do you know who said that? A Roman slave, probably.
And he was right.
[ERNIE.]
Victor? Hmm? Do you know what Toddman's excuse was? "They're already in the White House.
Why do they need my money?" Tell them it's your treat.
I'm not going.
Bush isn't even gonna be there.
It's just Quayle.
Who is from Indiana.
That's where the lawsuit is.
So, what, I'm supposed to sit there like a lump, alone with my wife? How's that gonna look? I need to associate with a better class of people.
Then forget the fellas.
You fill the seats with your Columbuses.
Hell, anybody but Roger.
You cannot be barefoot in front of the vice president, for cripes' sake.
Got to have Roger there.
You can say that it is a gift for their hard work.
A gift for their hard work is called a paycheck, Louise.
These seats are $2,500 dollars apiece.
Now, if I can't pawn 'em off on a dolt like Toddman for five grand apiece, that makes me the Toddman.
No.
I-I need to associate with-with with senators, with moguls, with judges.
[CLATTERING.]
Mr.
Garbeau, sir? What? I can be your Toddman.
- [WASHER WHIRRING.]
- I can't say I feel it in your kiss Just one look That's all it took Just one look You got me hooked [LOUD KNOCKING.]
I'll meet you at the front door.
- [RHONDA.]
All right.
- [DOG BARKING.]
I had 50 people in that pool a session.
Two dollars a head, six times a week.
That's how I make FAM work for me.
All the FAM goobers go 'cause their upline told 'em to.
You mean you.
Listen, um, I'm gonna get to do my laundry, right? Yeah, I'm on my last load.
The thing is, everyone within 100 miles - who'd ever do FAM already does.
- Mm-hmm.
So I just got to figure out a way to get some names on forms and then buy 'em a little inventory so my numbers don't fall.
[LAUGHS.]
Okay, so that's why you wanted to talk to me? So you can get a couple of names and addresses of the people that I had to track down and repossess? I mean, you do know that most of the people are dead, right? - I'm pretty sure that's fine.
- Kry It's Cody's money anyway, and I just need to stay Washington until I get Splashercize.
You have lost your damn mind.
No crap.
Mm.
You're gonna get haunted.
You're gonna deserve it.
[PHONE RINGING.]
[SIGHS.]
Hello? [CODY.]
Guess where I'm calling from.
Where? Obie Garbeau's office phone.
Did you ask him about Splashercize? Well, Krystal, ask him yourself, because I just got us an evening with Obie and Louise Garbeau the Second.
Jesus.
Finally.
When? Um He invited us to a campaign event tonight.
Vice frickin' President Dan frickin' Quayle.
[LAUGHS.]
I mean, that guy is one heart attack away from commander in chief.
[LAUGHS.]
Not that I'd ever wish for, you know, that's not, - um, what I meant.
- Vice president? - Yeah.
- Of America? - What? - Mm-hmm.
Only thing is Obie needs me by his side till then Call of duty.
So, uh, you gotta drive yourself.
Okay.
Wh-What do you wear to a fund-raiser? Just a smile from here to Georgia and, um, that diamond engagement ring because Cody Bonar came through.
All right.
Change of plans.
Can you babysit? - T-Tonight? - [PHONE RINGING.]
What? [CODY.]
Hi.
Um, you definitely need to wear the nicest dress you have.
Okay.
I got to get ready.
Okay.
It was an accident.
And I'm being fired? Our viewers are traumatized.
Well, don't blame me.
Blame the damn turtles.
Come on, Mirta.
[SIGHS.]
Tell me you weren't stoned out of your mind on live TV.
Losing the finger sobered me up.
This isn't the first time this has happened.
Well, I guess this is the first time this has happened, but your painkiller situation is a problem.
And I don't have any get-out-of-jail-free cards left.
Let me talk to network myself.
- [LINE RINGING.]
- [DOOR OPENS.]
[PROFE.]
Usted necesita una orden para eso.
Ahora en inglés.
"I know my rights.
You need a warrant for that.
" - Everybody? I know my rights.
- [STUDENTS.]
I know my rights.
[PROFE AND STUDENTS.]
You need a warrant.
- [KNOCKING ON DOOR.]
- [KRISSY.]
Mom? Isaac called me.
He was worried you'd go on a bender without supervision.
Isaac thinks highly of himself.
[SIGHS.]
Was he wrong? It's under control.
Last time I saw you, you had ten fingers.
I'm fine.
Thanks for asking.
Do you even care that you lost your job? I've been here 16 years.
What do you think? [SIGHS.]
Print is better for me anyway.
I miss writing.
Maybe I could start a column.
"Mirta, She Wrote.
" Yeah, well, good luck.
You know, if you're here to support, support.
I'm not here to support you, Mom.
I'm here to tell you that I'm tired of supporting you.
Ay, Dios mio! Coño, nena, I didn't grow up dreaming of doing bullshit stories.
I wanted to anchor the news.
But diapers are expensive, mija, and you were a real shitter.
Don't blame me for your life.
[ELEVATOR BELL DINGS.]
[EXHALES.]
["MOMENTS IN LOVE" BY ART OF NOISE.]
Mm.
This? This old thing? Oh, this is a bona fide old mine cushion cut.
That's right.
[LAUGHS.]
Oh, I'm Krystal.
It's a pleasure to meet you.
Or that.
Oh, no, good to meet you.
Oh, no.
Oh, look at you, Krystal.
Krystal Stubbs, it's a pleasure.
Pleasure to meet you.
Yes.
Oh.
[LAUGHS.]
Mm.
Charmed.
[PROTESTERS.]
George Bush! Dan Quayle! Tell the truth about Roswell! George Bush! Dan Quayle! Tell the truth about Roswell! UFO! Groom Lake! Tell the truth, for fuck's sake.
UFO! Groom Lake! Tell the truth - [KRYSTAL.]
What the hell? - UFO! Groom Lake! Just look up in the sky, man, you'll see 'em.
It's a secret th-they don't want you to know.
You'll see the truth.
[SECRET SERVICE AGENT.]
Everyone, get away from the car! [PROTESTERS.]
UFO! Groom Lake! Tell the truth, for fuck's sake! UFO! Groom Lake! Tell the truth, for fuck's sake! UFO! Groom Lake! Tell the truth, for fuck's sake! UFO! Groom Lake! Tell the truth, for fuck's sake! - UFO! Groom Lake! - Evening, ma'am.
Tell the truth, for fuck's sake! - UFO! Groom Lake! - Tell the truth! Come on! Tell the truth, for fuck's sake! Moments in love Moments in love Moments in love Moments in love Moments in love Moments in love A little pin.
- [CAMERA CLICKS.]
- [QUIET CHATTER.]
- Hi.
Good evening.
- Good evening.
Here's your pin.
[HARP MUSIC PLAYS SOFTLY.]
You'll find tonight's seating plan at the top of the stairs.
[INDISTINCT CHATTER.]
- [MAN.]
May I take that for you, miss? - [KRYSTAL.]
Oh.
Thank you.
[MAN.]
Thank you.
Yes.
[HARP PLAYING "THE STAR-SPANGLED BANNER".]
[VICTOR.]
Profe.
Victor.
- Cómo estás? - Happy to see you back.
[VICTOR.]
Uh-huh.
Uh-huh.
I couldn't come, eh, because I had to make money con hombre aqui.
Victor's boss? No, Victor's his own boss.
You can be, too.
So can your whole class.
I mean, see, the thing is, you're not just teaching these people English.
You're teaching them how to be Americans.
[CHUCKLES.]
That's nice of you to say.
And what's more American than owning your own business? You have an opportunity here.
You can really help these people out.
- Huh.
- And making money.
What do you know about the distribution business? [HARP MUSIC PLAYING.]
[EXHALES.]
Oh, God.
They didn't misspell it, did they? I can't find my name.
Well, it wouldn't be that table.
Oh, well, that's my fiancé's name.
So mine should be here.
Who are you? Oh, I'm Krystal Stubbs.
Pleased to meet you.
And you are? Where do you come from, Miss Stubbs? Right here.
You? That ring's been in my family longer than Florida's been a state.
- [LAUGHING.]
Oh.
- [LAUGHS.]
So lovely to meet you, Mrs.
Bonar.
Shall we? [PROFE.]
So, a Jefferson is better than a Franklin but worse than a Washington? Well, I think they're all great.
[LAUGHS.]
But FAM values them differently.
Well, no, look, the difference between a Franklin and a Washington is a Washington values themselves more.
Okay? And that doesn't come from FAM.
That comes from you.
And the best part is, anybody can do it.
This is America.
You can be anything you want to be.
[LAUGHTER.]
[KRYSTAL.]
And his car ended up in a swamp.
And he was eaten by an alligator.
But Cody was there for me.
- Helped me out.
- [EXHALES SHARPLY.]
And my baby.
Riesling.
Um, how much for a Miller High Life? [BARTENDER.]
There's no charge, ma'am.
Oh.
Okay, well, then, forget about the beer.
I'll take a Lynchburg Lemonade.
No ice.
[QUIETLY.]
They add ice so there's less booze.
- Is that right? - Mm-hmm.
Thank you.
Where is my son, anyway? Oh, I'm sure Obie's holding him up.
Obie Garbeau? Oh, Lord.
The amount of my money Cody has handed over to that idiot.
- Your money? - Mm.
Oh, bless your heart.
You didn't think that he made all that money selling tile cleaner [LAUGHING.]
did you? Mm.
I thought he had a pretty good business - going for himself.
- My son is a feckless tit.
And Obie Garbeau is a clown.
- Well, I'll drink to that.
- [GLASSES CLINK.]
You know, I-I started my own water aerobics class.
- Made it a FAM type of thing.
- Mmm.
And Obie Garbeau shut it down.
I thought he was supposed to be some sort of genius money guy.
[SCOFFS.]
Well, anyway, Splashercize is what I call it.
Mmm.
You put a lot of thought into that name, didn't you? Mm-hmm.
You know, you're all sitting with Obie in the back of the room.
If you don't want to get stuck back there, do yourself a favor.
Find a real investor.
- Thank you.
- You're welcome.
[INDISTINCT CHATTER.]
[LOUISE SIGHS.]
Well let's see.
Uh They've seated us in the back.
Again.
I give these scumbags millions.
Seven and Seven.
Quick.
- 14.
- It's a drink.
Look, hang on.
It's all right.
Let's go.
Come on, now.
Let's just go.
We'll-we'll meet him.
- He should be here.
- We'll find him.
[ELLEN JOY.]
So, um [KRYSTAL.]
I love your purse.
[ELLEN JOY.]
Thank you.
- [KRYSTAL.]
Is it a snow leopard? - [CLEARS THROAT.]
Or tiger? Tiger.
[KRYSTAL.]
It's like a gym in the water.
Everything you do outside the water, but inside the water.
Howdy! Hello, Codworth.
- Mother.
- Mmm.
Thought you were in Saint-Tropez this time of year.
Well, someone has to keep the Democrats from turning the government into an all-you-can-eat buffet.
[ALL LAUGH.]
Drink with us.
Oops.
- Oh.
[LAUGHS.]
- It's free.
[KRYSTAL AND CODY CHUCKLE.]
Never turn down a free drink, Ellen Joy.
[LAUGHS.]
Didn't I tell you I would show, Danny? And I am pleased as punch.
Oh.
[CHUCKLES.]
What did you do to your nose? Oh, yeah, it's a It was turtles.
It's a Hi.
I'm Dan Quayle.
[LAUGHING.]
No crap.
- [ALL LAUGH.]
- She's a real cracker.
Mm.
[WHISPERS.]
Mr.
Vice President - [PLAYING CLASSICAL MUSIC.]
- Mmm.
Look around, Cody.
CEOs.
Oil tycoons.
The vice goddang president.
We're here.
- We did it.
- We did? I just met the vice president.
We did it.
Oh, thank you.
Ah! - Cheers.
- No, I-I don't drink.
There's no alcohol in champagne.
Just bubbles.
[LAUGHS.]
Come here.
No, we're gonna miss the speech.
Who cares? Something about taxes.
But I'll tell you what, that, uh, Dana Carvey? They-they say that's comedy.
I don't I don't know.
- I'm not laughing.
- Vice President.
Hey, there.
When are we gonna get you down to Augusta? Aw, heck.
They're gonna make us give all the money back if I don't get - up there and say a few words.
- No, no, no, wait.
Just a second, just a second.
Um, I got a lawsuit down in your neck of the woods that I thank you for your support.
Now, listen, son.
I just need a minute.
[CHUCKLING.]
I paid a lot of money for this dinner.
Then I suggest you sit down and eat it.
[DRUMROLL PLAYING.]
Oh, say, can you see By the dawn's early light What so proudly we hailed At the twilight's last gleaming [CODY CHUCKLING.]
Shh.
- Tell the truth, Bush and Quayle! - Oh, my God.
- Whoa, whoa, whoa! Hey, hey.
- Tell the truth! [GRUNTS.]
You okay, ma'am? - Get down.
- The truth is out there! My sincerest apologies for the disturbance.
- Thank you.
- Give me a zip tie.
Roswell! - [LAUGHING.]
- Down.
- Get down.
- You don't understand! Stop struggling.
- [CODY.]
Let's get in here.
- I can't breathe! - The brave.
- [CHEERING.]
Come on.
- [LAUGHS.]
- What are we doing? Shut up.
[CHUCKLES.]
Okay.
Unfortunately, we've got about 34 million people uninsured.
They're uninsured because they can't afford it.
The average American family will spend $12,000 dollars a year on health insurance.
But if we let the dang Democrats take over, - my friends, we're in trouble.
- [LAUGHTER.]
[KRYSTAL LAUGHING.]
[QUAYLE.]
Long wait times.
Rationing.
The problem is, doctors in America are spending a fortune - on malpractice insurance.
- [MAN.]
Oh, yeah.
There's only one problem, and that is it.
He's right.
Four more years! Four more years! - Four more years! - Thank you.
[CHUCKLES.]
Four more years! Four more years! Four more years! - [GRUNTING.]
- Four more years! - [QUAYLE.]
Thank you.
- Four more years! Four more years! Four more years! - Four more years! - [PANTING, GRUNTING.]
Four more years! [EXHALES.]
[INDISTINCT CHATTER.]
[HARP MUSIC PLAYING.]
Nice little surprise.
[CHUCKLES.]
Well, if you took my calls, it wouldn't be, Mother.
Codworth, let me be clear with you.
You don't buy a woman like that.
You rent.
Well, that is the woman I love.
[SNIFFS.]
You smell like booze and filth.
[LAUGHS.]
That's more glitter than a Tampa titty bar.
[OBIE.]
I get this crap all the time.
You wouldn't believe the trash I get.
[MEN LAUGHING.]
[MAN.]
If only her IQ were as high - as her bra size.
[LAUGHS.]
- Oh, stop.
- Krystal, hi.
- Hey! Speak of the devil, and the devil appears.
Go ahead, have a seat.
- That's enough, Obie.
- What? [WHISPERS.]
I'm sorry.
That's mine.
- Give that back.
- I'm sorry.
Oh, no, no, you were using the Garbeau System to fill up your workout class.
So I believe that makes it mine.
[MEN LAUGH.]
- It's mine.
- [MAN.]
Ooh, she's getting mad.
- Fuckless - Mine.
Fuckless tit.
- [MEN LAUGHING.]
- [CLATTERING.]
- [OBIE.]
Right? Right? - I feel sick.
- No, but Obie - Obie said we can go.
[SIGHS.]
- [BOTH LAUGH.]
- [MAN.]
Hurry up.
All right, get in here.
Shut the door.
Money.
No talking.
He don't speak English.
- Dinero! - [PATRONS GASPING.]
Hey, what-what's your name, friend? Uh, watches.
We all have families, Mr.
Watches.
Think-think-think about your family.
All right, hurry up! Come on, man.
Put your shit in there.
Or-or may-maybe you don't.
But that does not mean you're alone.
It does not mean you're not loved.
I don't know if you believe in God.
But at least believe in me.
I love you, brother.
Come on, man, just drop it.
You need money.
I-I get it.
Okay? J-O-B might as well stand for "jump off a bridge.
" But look at you.
You're driven.
Come on, man, I just need the fucking cash.
You can have the cash.
But you'd be missing the opportunity.
Please, put it down.
Please, put it down.
Come on.
I look at you, sir, and you know what I see? Gumption.
Potential.
A man who wants to be his own boss.
You don't need a gun for that.
[PANTING.]
I felt hopeless.
It's cold.
It's so cold.
[SNIFFLES.]
- My name is Ray.
- [GUNSHOT.]
[PEOPLE GASPING.]
[HIGH-PITCHED RINGING.]
I just needed a distraction.
[MUFFLED.]
Buddy, you saved us.
You're a goddamn hero! - Everybody cheer! - [CLAPPING.]
[HIGH-PITCHED RINGING.]
[MUFFLED.]
Clap! We're going home because of you! You're gonna be all right.
He's done! Get him a towel! Everybody cheer! Everybody! We're going to our families because of this man.
We need more people like you in America.
[INDISTINCT POLICE RADIO CHATTER.]
[SCOFFS.]
[EXHALES.]
- I could've saved him.
- Ernie.
I could've saved him.
[ATMOSPHERIC MUSIC.]
[FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING.]
Holy schnikes.
Ernie? You okay? Stan, we need to talk.
- [LOCK CLICKS.]
- [KEYS JANGLE.]
[DOG BARKING IN DISTANCE.]
I just want you to talk to me.
This morning, you wanted to marry me.
[THUMPING.]
Um, the ba Destinee's sleeping.
Oh, no, no, no, no, you don't have to pay me, Krystal.
I'm tipping you.
No, it was a favor.
It's not a job.
Here.
[SCOFFS.]
Keep it.
Good night.
[DOOR OPENS.]
- [DOOR CLOSES.]
- Go home, Cody.
Please, just-just tell me what's wrong, okay? Please.
[DESTINE COOING SOFTLY.]
[DOOR CREAKS SHUT.]
[SIGHS.]
We got to leave FAM.
I think that champagne was spiked.
We can fund Splashercize without Obie.
[GRUNTS.]
Actually have a real business.
Obie's the whole reason we were able to go tonight, Krystal.
Really? Did our Washington bonus checks pay for our tickets, or was it your mom? I'm paying back every single penny, okay? That is the promise of FAM.
Yeah, but you don't need to do that.
Do you know how lucky you are? Being broke, it hurts like shit.
You want to pay your mom back? Pay her back with Splashercize.
She loved it.
- She said she'd invest.
- [SCOFFS.]
That's our future.
That's never gonna happen.
Yes, it will.
Never.
You're just protecting Obie.
I'm just protecting you, okay? You don't understand my mother.
Look, my family I don't need them anymore.
Obie likes me.
- [SCOFFS.]
- I can be my own man.
I can be my own millionaire, you know? I'm right there.
That's bullcrap.
Obie loves me.
- Ha.
- And I love you.
I'm building a future, and I can give us our dreams, Krystal, okay? But trust me, this is our business.
Splashercize is our business, not FAM.
No, not FAM.
I'm getting money from the Garbeau Foundation now.
Obie signs the checks, not n-not FAM.
This is real.
What the hell does that mean? [SIGHS.]
Obie explained it all to me.
It's It's privileged information, okay? It needs to be earned.
You have to understand, if an IBO finds out too early, they'll-they'll discourage themselves.
What are you talking about? The margins on the FAM products are, um they're slim.
And sometimes they never really pay off.
What? But Obie pays Garbeau Foundation employees from the System's profits.
From the tapes and from the rallies and-and the books.
The tapes we're required to buy.
Yeah.
Those fucking tapes told us we'd get rich from distribution.
Yeah, but those tapes got us into Obie's circle of trust.
Travis died listening to what those fucking tapes told him to do! Travis died dreaming of getting where we are right now.
He-he'd back me up on this, and you know it.
You brainwashed him.
If Travis hadn't believed in FAM, he'd have drunk himself to death! He told me that every day.
Get the fuck out! [DOOR OPENS, CLOSES.]
[EXHALES.]
[CAR ENGINE STARTS.]
[TIRES SQUEALING.]
[EXHALES.]
[SIGHS.]
[QUIETLY.]
Fuck this.
- [GRUNTS.]
- [CLINKING.]
- [SNIFFLES, SIGHS.]
- [ERNIE.]
Howdy, neighbor.
Just throwing stuff? Not having a good night, Ernie.
What the heck's the matter? I got something that'll cheer you up a little bit.
From now on, Ernie Gomes is full-time FAM time.
I just resigned from Rebel Rapids.
Ernie [SIGHS.]
There's no money in FAM.
I know.
I know, but there's money in me.
That's why I did it.
Listen to me.
You're not listening to me.
[CHUCKLES.]
Listen, don't worry about it.
By the time the vacation money's gone, we'll both be living in Cabo.
Hopefully, we'll be neighbors there, too.
- [LAUGHS.]
- No, Ernie, listen! I'm sorry I got you into this.
I thought there was a way to win.
There isn't.
You can't.
So, you and me and all our downline, we got to get out.
We got to get out of this.
Stop it! You can't talk like that! Stop saying things like that! You see this? This is hope.
Without it, people die.
You, me, everybody.
You won't take it.
Not you! Stop it! Not you! Stop it! ["RUNNING UP THAT HILL" BY KATE BUSH.]
[SIGHS.]
- It doesn't hurt me - Yeah, yeah, yo Do you want to feel how it feels? Yeah, yeah, yo Do you want to know, know that it doesn't hurt me? - Yeah, yeah, yo - Do you want to hear about - The deal that I'm making? - Yeah, yeah, yo You [PHONE RINGING.]
It's you and me And if I only could I'd make a deal with God And I'd get him to swap our places Be running up that road, be running up that hill Be running up that building [MIRTA.]
Hi.
You've reached Mirta Herrara.
Please leave a message after the beep - in one minute or less.
- [BEEPS.]
[KRYSTAL.]
Hi.
This is Krystal Stubbs.
You know, the alligator widow.
You gave me your card at the FAM rally.
I've got a story to tell you, for your TV show.
A big story.
- Me! Me! - I'd like to interview you.
I'd like to interview you.
- Ernie did all of this? - Yeah.
He tapped a whole new market.
He didn't just close.
He super-closed.
[KRYSTAL.]
We're gonna go to Paradise Cay, and we're gonna get a one-on-one with Obie.
I work at Rebel Rapids, where I head up the Splashercize program.
Now, until you shut me down, I had the entire Orlando downline in there.
And the whole water park stocked to the gills with FAM products.
This book is a plan to franchise Splashercize to pools around the country.
[OBIE.]
I've been waiting for someone like you.
[CODY.]
Don't worry.
Mr.
Garbeau and I work closely now.
I'll talk to him.
I want you to fuck me so good that I forget what I'm doing here.
- [PANTING.]
- [DOG WHINING.]
[WOMAN.]
I'm sorry.
He's a very sick dog.
Do you know what a pancreas is? Sparkle is a bit past the point where we can help him.
I know.
I want you to kill him the nice way.
Your dad should really be here with you right now.
Your mother, then? [DOGS YELPING IN DISTANCE.]
These things cost money, doll.
Can you come back with a parent? [SOMBER PIANO MUSIC.]
[SPARKLE WHINES.]
[SPARKLE PANTING.]
[GRUNTS.]
[PANTING.]
[WHINES SOFTLY.]
Ooh [WOMAN.]
Hurry up, Krystal.
[SPARKLE WHINING.]
Can you help me? It ain't my dog.
[WHINING.]
[PANTING.]
[WHINING.]
[SNIFFLES, SIGHS.]
[GUN CLICKS.]
[LOUD BANG.]
[UP-TEMPO, DRAMATIC MUSIC.]
- [KRYSTAL.]
Where's my baby? oh! - [CODY.]
Oh - There she is! [GASPS.]
- Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.
- We got a washer and dryer.
- [LAUGHING.]
Thanks, guys.
So, when you're icing your back later on, just give me a call, okay? Today could be the last day you ever work.
You got to be kidding me.
[WASHER WHIRRING.]
I told you people hate that.
Oh.
There you go.
- [MARILLION'S "LAVENDER" PLAYS.]
- [DESTINEE COOS.]
Cody, I swear to God, - if that's a goddamned Obie tape - No.
- I'm not listening to that shit.
- No.
Dreaming of a spark When I heard the sprinklers Whisper, shimmer - [LAUGHING.]
What is this? - Shh.
Okay.
- Krystal.
- [MUSIC STOPS.]
I need you to listen, okay? I was walking in the park [COOING.]
- What is? - Dreaming of a spark Come here, Neenee.
When I heard the sprinklers whisper Shimmer in the haze of summer lawns Then I heard the children singing They were running through the rainbows They were singing a song for you Well, it seemed to be a song for you The one I wanted to write for you For you [SINGING ALONG.]
You - Want me to open that? - Lavender's blue Dilly, dilly, lavender's green When I am king, dilly, dilly You will be queen A penny for your thoughts, my dear - What is this? - A penny for your thoughts, my dear IOU for your love - Why are you being so weird? - Shh, shh, shh.
[WHISPERING.]
Look at my hand.
Lavender's green, dilly, dilly - Lavender's blue - Oh, God, Cody.
Oh, come on! All the strongest FAM partners are married, okay? And it'd be better for taxes.
And also, I feel like I've always been dead, and it's like it's like I'm finally alive, and and I'm in love with you.
So, how about it, Krystal Stubbs? [SINGSONGY.]
You and me sitting in a tree M-A-R-R-Y-N-G.
You missed the "I.
" How about an "I do" instead? That's a bona fide old mine cushion cut.
[SONG ENDS.]
Should I play the song again? 'Cause it-it really explains how I feel better.
I mean, that's why that's why I wanted you to listen to the words, you know? Get down on both knees.
[PLAYFUL, PERCUSSIVE MUSIC.]
[CLICKS TONGUE.]
It's been two weeks since Obie put you on security? And I haven't heard jack about Splashercize.
Sorry.
You want me to wear your ring? Show me what you're worth.
[GRUNTS.]
Ow.
- [DOORBELL RINGS.]
- [KNOCKING.]
Hey, Victor.
No? [SPEAKING SPANISH.]
[SPEAKING SPANISH.]
[LAUGHS.]
No.
No? No, no.
Look, what's the plan for today? - Okay? - Okay.
- [LINE RINGING.]
- [CLEARS THROAT.]
[MAN.]
Hello? - Hey, Stan, it's Ernie.
- Hey, Ernie.
Listen, something came up, and I'm not gonna be able to cover my shift tonight.
You can dock one of my sick days if you need to.
Oh, Harold again, huh? Hey, have you tried spanking the boy? No, it's not that kind of emergency.
Ernie, I am worried about you, all right? You are coming in late, you're leaving early, and today, you're not showing up at all.
Now, you're supposed to be my number two around here, but instead, Krystal's got you cleaning up number twos.
- Oh, she's got nothing to do with it.
- Oh, but FAM does.
Look, "To do two things at once is to do neither one.
" Do you know who said that? A Roman slave, probably.
And he was right.
[ERNIE.]
Victor? Hmm? Do you know what Toddman's excuse was? "They're already in the White House.
Why do they need my money?" Tell them it's your treat.
I'm not going.
Bush isn't even gonna be there.
It's just Quayle.
Who is from Indiana.
That's where the lawsuit is.
So, what, I'm supposed to sit there like a lump, alone with my wife? How's that gonna look? I need to associate with a better class of people.
Then forget the fellas.
You fill the seats with your Columbuses.
Hell, anybody but Roger.
You cannot be barefoot in front of the vice president, for cripes' sake.
Got to have Roger there.
You can say that it is a gift for their hard work.
A gift for their hard work is called a paycheck, Louise.
These seats are $2,500 dollars apiece.
Now, if I can't pawn 'em off on a dolt like Toddman for five grand apiece, that makes me the Toddman.
No.
I-I need to associate with-with with senators, with moguls, with judges.
[CLATTERING.]
Mr.
Garbeau, sir? What? I can be your Toddman.
- [WASHER WHIRRING.]
- I can't say I feel it in your kiss Just one look That's all it took Just one look You got me hooked [LOUD KNOCKING.]
I'll meet you at the front door.
- [RHONDA.]
All right.
- [DOG BARKING.]
I had 50 people in that pool a session.
Two dollars a head, six times a week.
That's how I make FAM work for me.
All the FAM goobers go 'cause their upline told 'em to.
You mean you.
Listen, um, I'm gonna get to do my laundry, right? Yeah, I'm on my last load.
The thing is, everyone within 100 miles - who'd ever do FAM already does.
- Mm-hmm.
So I just got to figure out a way to get some names on forms and then buy 'em a little inventory so my numbers don't fall.
[LAUGHS.]
Okay, so that's why you wanted to talk to me? So you can get a couple of names and addresses of the people that I had to track down and repossess? I mean, you do know that most of the people are dead, right? - I'm pretty sure that's fine.
- Kry It's Cody's money anyway, and I just need to stay Washington until I get Splashercize.
You have lost your damn mind.
No crap.
Mm.
You're gonna get haunted.
You're gonna deserve it.
[PHONE RINGING.]
[SIGHS.]
Hello? [CODY.]
Guess where I'm calling from.
Where? Obie Garbeau's office phone.
Did you ask him about Splashercize? Well, Krystal, ask him yourself, because I just got us an evening with Obie and Louise Garbeau the Second.
Jesus.
Finally.
When? Um He invited us to a campaign event tonight.
Vice frickin' President Dan frickin' Quayle.
[LAUGHS.]
I mean, that guy is one heart attack away from commander in chief.
[LAUGHS.]
Not that I'd ever wish for, you know, that's not, - um, what I meant.
- Vice president? - Yeah.
- Of America? - What? - Mm-hmm.
Only thing is Obie needs me by his side till then Call of duty.
So, uh, you gotta drive yourself.
Okay.
Wh-What do you wear to a fund-raiser? Just a smile from here to Georgia and, um, that diamond engagement ring because Cody Bonar came through.
All right.
Change of plans.
Can you babysit? - T-Tonight? - [PHONE RINGING.]
What? [CODY.]
Hi.
Um, you definitely need to wear the nicest dress you have.
Okay.
I got to get ready.
Okay.
It was an accident.
And I'm being fired? Our viewers are traumatized.
Well, don't blame me.
Blame the damn turtles.
Come on, Mirta.
[SIGHS.]
Tell me you weren't stoned out of your mind on live TV.
Losing the finger sobered me up.
This isn't the first time this has happened.
Well, I guess this is the first time this has happened, but your painkiller situation is a problem.
And I don't have any get-out-of-jail-free cards left.
Let me talk to network myself.
- [LINE RINGING.]
- [DOOR OPENS.]
[PROFE.]
Usted necesita una orden para eso.
Ahora en inglés.
"I know my rights.
You need a warrant for that.
" - Everybody? I know my rights.
- [STUDENTS.]
I know my rights.
[PROFE AND STUDENTS.]
You need a warrant.
- [KNOCKING ON DOOR.]
- [KRISSY.]
Mom? Isaac called me.
He was worried you'd go on a bender without supervision.
Isaac thinks highly of himself.
[SIGHS.]
Was he wrong? It's under control.
Last time I saw you, you had ten fingers.
I'm fine.
Thanks for asking.
Do you even care that you lost your job? I've been here 16 years.
What do you think? [SIGHS.]
Print is better for me anyway.
I miss writing.
Maybe I could start a column.
"Mirta, She Wrote.
" Yeah, well, good luck.
You know, if you're here to support, support.
I'm not here to support you, Mom.
I'm here to tell you that I'm tired of supporting you.
Ay, Dios mio! Coño, nena, I didn't grow up dreaming of doing bullshit stories.
I wanted to anchor the news.
But diapers are expensive, mija, and you were a real shitter.
Don't blame me for your life.
[ELEVATOR BELL DINGS.]
[EXHALES.]
["MOMENTS IN LOVE" BY ART OF NOISE.]
Mm.
This? This old thing? Oh, this is a bona fide old mine cushion cut.
That's right.
[LAUGHS.]
Oh, I'm Krystal.
It's a pleasure to meet you.
Or that.
Oh, no, good to meet you.
Oh, no.
Oh, look at you, Krystal.
Krystal Stubbs, it's a pleasure.
Pleasure to meet you.
Yes.
Oh.
[LAUGHS.]
Mm.
Charmed.
[PROTESTERS.]
George Bush! Dan Quayle! Tell the truth about Roswell! George Bush! Dan Quayle! Tell the truth about Roswell! UFO! Groom Lake! Tell the truth, for fuck's sake.
UFO! Groom Lake! Tell the truth - [KRYSTAL.]
What the hell? - UFO! Groom Lake! Just look up in the sky, man, you'll see 'em.
It's a secret th-they don't want you to know.
You'll see the truth.
[SECRET SERVICE AGENT.]
Everyone, get away from the car! [PROTESTERS.]
UFO! Groom Lake! Tell the truth, for fuck's sake! UFO! Groom Lake! Tell the truth, for fuck's sake! UFO! Groom Lake! Tell the truth, for fuck's sake! UFO! Groom Lake! Tell the truth, for fuck's sake! - UFO! Groom Lake! - Evening, ma'am.
Tell the truth, for fuck's sake! - UFO! Groom Lake! - Tell the truth! Come on! Tell the truth, for fuck's sake! Moments in love Moments in love Moments in love Moments in love Moments in love Moments in love A little pin.
- [CAMERA CLICKS.]
- [QUIET CHATTER.]
- Hi.
Good evening.
- Good evening.
Here's your pin.
[HARP MUSIC PLAYS SOFTLY.]
You'll find tonight's seating plan at the top of the stairs.
[INDISTINCT CHATTER.]
- [MAN.]
May I take that for you, miss? - [KRYSTAL.]
Oh.
Thank you.
[MAN.]
Thank you.
Yes.
[HARP PLAYING "THE STAR-SPANGLED BANNER".]
[VICTOR.]
Profe.
Victor.
- Cómo estás? - Happy to see you back.
[VICTOR.]
Uh-huh.
Uh-huh.
I couldn't come, eh, because I had to make money con hombre aqui.
Victor's boss? No, Victor's his own boss.
You can be, too.
So can your whole class.
I mean, see, the thing is, you're not just teaching these people English.
You're teaching them how to be Americans.
[CHUCKLES.]
That's nice of you to say.
And what's more American than owning your own business? You have an opportunity here.
You can really help these people out.
- Huh.
- And making money.
What do you know about the distribution business? [HARP MUSIC PLAYING.]
[EXHALES.]
Oh, God.
They didn't misspell it, did they? I can't find my name.
Well, it wouldn't be that table.
Oh, well, that's my fiancé's name.
So mine should be here.
Who are you? Oh, I'm Krystal Stubbs.
Pleased to meet you.
And you are? Where do you come from, Miss Stubbs? Right here.
You? That ring's been in my family longer than Florida's been a state.
- [LAUGHING.]
Oh.
- [LAUGHS.]
So lovely to meet you, Mrs.
Bonar.
Shall we? [PROFE.]
So, a Jefferson is better than a Franklin but worse than a Washington? Well, I think they're all great.
[LAUGHS.]
But FAM values them differently.
Well, no, look, the difference between a Franklin and a Washington is a Washington values themselves more.
Okay? And that doesn't come from FAM.
That comes from you.
And the best part is, anybody can do it.
This is America.
You can be anything you want to be.
[LAUGHTER.]
[KRYSTAL.]
And his car ended up in a swamp.
And he was eaten by an alligator.
But Cody was there for me.
- Helped me out.
- [EXHALES SHARPLY.]
And my baby.
Riesling.
Um, how much for a Miller High Life? [BARTENDER.]
There's no charge, ma'am.
Oh.
Okay, well, then, forget about the beer.
I'll take a Lynchburg Lemonade.
No ice.
[QUIETLY.]
They add ice so there's less booze.
- Is that right? - Mm-hmm.
Thank you.
Where is my son, anyway? Oh, I'm sure Obie's holding him up.
Obie Garbeau? Oh, Lord.
The amount of my money Cody has handed over to that idiot.
- Your money? - Mm.
Oh, bless your heart.
You didn't think that he made all that money selling tile cleaner [LAUGHING.]
did you? Mm.
I thought he had a pretty good business - going for himself.
- My son is a feckless tit.
And Obie Garbeau is a clown.
- Well, I'll drink to that.
- [GLASSES CLINK.]
You know, I-I started my own water aerobics class.
- Made it a FAM type of thing.
- Mmm.
And Obie Garbeau shut it down.
I thought he was supposed to be some sort of genius money guy.
[SCOFFS.]
Well, anyway, Splashercize is what I call it.
Mmm.
You put a lot of thought into that name, didn't you? Mm-hmm.
You know, you're all sitting with Obie in the back of the room.
If you don't want to get stuck back there, do yourself a favor.
Find a real investor.
- Thank you.
- You're welcome.
[INDISTINCT CHATTER.]
[LOUISE SIGHS.]
Well let's see.
Uh They've seated us in the back.
Again.
I give these scumbags millions.
Seven and Seven.
Quick.
- 14.
- It's a drink.
Look, hang on.
It's all right.
Let's go.
Come on, now.
Let's just go.
We'll-we'll meet him.
- He should be here.
- We'll find him.
[ELLEN JOY.]
So, um [KRYSTAL.]
I love your purse.
[ELLEN JOY.]
Thank you.
- [KRYSTAL.]
Is it a snow leopard? - [CLEARS THROAT.]
Or tiger? Tiger.
[KRYSTAL.]
It's like a gym in the water.
Everything you do outside the water, but inside the water.
Howdy! Hello, Codworth.
- Mother.
- Mmm.
Thought you were in Saint-Tropez this time of year.
Well, someone has to keep the Democrats from turning the government into an all-you-can-eat buffet.
[ALL LAUGH.]
Drink with us.
Oops.
- Oh.
[LAUGHS.]
- It's free.
[KRYSTAL AND CODY CHUCKLE.]
Never turn down a free drink, Ellen Joy.
[LAUGHS.]
Didn't I tell you I would show, Danny? And I am pleased as punch.
Oh.
[CHUCKLES.]
What did you do to your nose? Oh, yeah, it's a It was turtles.
It's a Hi.
I'm Dan Quayle.
[LAUGHING.]
No crap.
- [ALL LAUGH.]
- She's a real cracker.
Mm.
[WHISPERS.]
Mr.
Vice President - [PLAYING CLASSICAL MUSIC.]
- Mmm.
Look around, Cody.
CEOs.
Oil tycoons.
The vice goddang president.
We're here.
- We did it.
- We did? I just met the vice president.
We did it.
Oh, thank you.
Ah! - Cheers.
- No, I-I don't drink.
There's no alcohol in champagne.
Just bubbles.
[LAUGHS.]
Come here.
No, we're gonna miss the speech.
Who cares? Something about taxes.
But I'll tell you what, that, uh, Dana Carvey? They-they say that's comedy.
I don't I don't know.
- I'm not laughing.
- Vice President.
Hey, there.
When are we gonna get you down to Augusta? Aw, heck.
They're gonna make us give all the money back if I don't get - up there and say a few words.
- No, no, no, wait.
Just a second, just a second.
Um, I got a lawsuit down in your neck of the woods that I thank you for your support.
Now, listen, son.
I just need a minute.
[CHUCKLING.]
I paid a lot of money for this dinner.
Then I suggest you sit down and eat it.
[DRUMROLL PLAYING.]
Oh, say, can you see By the dawn's early light What so proudly we hailed At the twilight's last gleaming [CODY CHUCKLING.]
Shh.
- Tell the truth, Bush and Quayle! - Oh, my God.
- Whoa, whoa, whoa! Hey, hey.
- Tell the truth! [GRUNTS.]
You okay, ma'am? - Get down.
- The truth is out there! My sincerest apologies for the disturbance.
- Thank you.
- Give me a zip tie.
Roswell! - [LAUGHING.]
- Down.
- Get down.
- You don't understand! Stop struggling.
- [CODY.]
Let's get in here.
- I can't breathe! - The brave.
- [CHEERING.]
Come on.
- [LAUGHS.]
- What are we doing? Shut up.
[CHUCKLES.]
Okay.
Unfortunately, we've got about 34 million people uninsured.
They're uninsured because they can't afford it.
The average American family will spend $12,000 dollars a year on health insurance.
But if we let the dang Democrats take over, - my friends, we're in trouble.
- [LAUGHTER.]
[KRYSTAL LAUGHING.]
[QUAYLE.]
Long wait times.
Rationing.
The problem is, doctors in America are spending a fortune - on malpractice insurance.
- [MAN.]
Oh, yeah.
There's only one problem, and that is it.
He's right.
Four more years! Four more years! - Four more years! - Thank you.
[CHUCKLES.]
Four more years! Four more years! Four more years! - [GRUNTING.]
- Four more years! - [QUAYLE.]
Thank you.
- Four more years! Four more years! Four more years! - Four more years! - [PANTING, GRUNTING.]
Four more years! [EXHALES.]
[INDISTINCT CHATTER.]
[HARP MUSIC PLAYING.]
Nice little surprise.
[CHUCKLES.]
Well, if you took my calls, it wouldn't be, Mother.
Codworth, let me be clear with you.
You don't buy a woman like that.
You rent.
Well, that is the woman I love.
[SNIFFS.]
You smell like booze and filth.
[LAUGHS.]
That's more glitter than a Tampa titty bar.
[OBIE.]
I get this crap all the time.
You wouldn't believe the trash I get.
[MEN LAUGHING.]
[MAN.]
If only her IQ were as high - as her bra size.
[LAUGHS.]
- Oh, stop.
- Krystal, hi.
- Hey! Speak of the devil, and the devil appears.
Go ahead, have a seat.
- That's enough, Obie.
- What? [WHISPERS.]
I'm sorry.
That's mine.
- Give that back.
- I'm sorry.
Oh, no, no, you were using the Garbeau System to fill up your workout class.
So I believe that makes it mine.
[MEN LAUGH.]
- It's mine.
- [MAN.]
Ooh, she's getting mad.
- Fuckless - Mine.
Fuckless tit.
- [MEN LAUGHING.]
- [CLATTERING.]
- [OBIE.]
Right? Right? - I feel sick.
- No, but Obie - Obie said we can go.
[SIGHS.]
- [BOTH LAUGH.]
- [MAN.]
Hurry up.
All right, get in here.
Shut the door.
Money.
No talking.
He don't speak English.
- Dinero! - [PATRONS GASPING.]
Hey, what-what's your name, friend? Uh, watches.
We all have families, Mr.
Watches.
Think-think-think about your family.
All right, hurry up! Come on, man.
Put your shit in there.
Or-or may-maybe you don't.
But that does not mean you're alone.
It does not mean you're not loved.
I don't know if you believe in God.
But at least believe in me.
I love you, brother.
Come on, man, just drop it.
You need money.
I-I get it.
Okay? J-O-B might as well stand for "jump off a bridge.
" But look at you.
You're driven.
Come on, man, I just need the fucking cash.
You can have the cash.
But you'd be missing the opportunity.
Please, put it down.
Please, put it down.
Come on.
I look at you, sir, and you know what I see? Gumption.
Potential.
A man who wants to be his own boss.
You don't need a gun for that.
[PANTING.]
I felt hopeless.
It's cold.
It's so cold.
[SNIFFLES.]
- My name is Ray.
- [GUNSHOT.]
[PEOPLE GASPING.]
[HIGH-PITCHED RINGING.]
I just needed a distraction.
[MUFFLED.]
Buddy, you saved us.
You're a goddamn hero! - Everybody cheer! - [CLAPPING.]
[HIGH-PITCHED RINGING.]
[MUFFLED.]
Clap! We're going home because of you! You're gonna be all right.
He's done! Get him a towel! Everybody cheer! Everybody! We're going to our families because of this man.
We need more people like you in America.
[INDISTINCT POLICE RADIO CHATTER.]
[SCOFFS.]
[EXHALES.]
- I could've saved him.
- Ernie.
I could've saved him.
[ATMOSPHERIC MUSIC.]
[FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING.]
Holy schnikes.
Ernie? You okay? Stan, we need to talk.
- [LOCK CLICKS.]
- [KEYS JANGLE.]
[DOG BARKING IN DISTANCE.]
I just want you to talk to me.
This morning, you wanted to marry me.
[THUMPING.]
Um, the ba Destinee's sleeping.
Oh, no, no, no, no, you don't have to pay me, Krystal.
I'm tipping you.
No, it was a favor.
It's not a job.
Here.
[SCOFFS.]
Keep it.
Good night.
[DOOR OPENS.]
- [DOOR CLOSES.]
- Go home, Cody.
Please, just-just tell me what's wrong, okay? Please.
[DESTINE COOING SOFTLY.]
[DOOR CREAKS SHUT.]
[SIGHS.]
We got to leave FAM.
I think that champagne was spiked.
We can fund Splashercize without Obie.
[GRUNTS.]
Actually have a real business.
Obie's the whole reason we were able to go tonight, Krystal.
Really? Did our Washington bonus checks pay for our tickets, or was it your mom? I'm paying back every single penny, okay? That is the promise of FAM.
Yeah, but you don't need to do that.
Do you know how lucky you are? Being broke, it hurts like shit.
You want to pay your mom back? Pay her back with Splashercize.
She loved it.
- She said she'd invest.
- [SCOFFS.]
That's our future.
That's never gonna happen.
Yes, it will.
Never.
You're just protecting Obie.
I'm just protecting you, okay? You don't understand my mother.
Look, my family I don't need them anymore.
Obie likes me.
- [SCOFFS.]
- I can be my own man.
I can be my own millionaire, you know? I'm right there.
That's bullcrap.
Obie loves me.
- Ha.
- And I love you.
I'm building a future, and I can give us our dreams, Krystal, okay? But trust me, this is our business.
Splashercize is our business, not FAM.
No, not FAM.
I'm getting money from the Garbeau Foundation now.
Obie signs the checks, not n-not FAM.
This is real.
What the hell does that mean? [SIGHS.]
Obie explained it all to me.
It's It's privileged information, okay? It needs to be earned.
You have to understand, if an IBO finds out too early, they'll-they'll discourage themselves.
What are you talking about? The margins on the FAM products are, um they're slim.
And sometimes they never really pay off.
What? But Obie pays Garbeau Foundation employees from the System's profits.
From the tapes and from the rallies and-and the books.
The tapes we're required to buy.
Yeah.
Those fucking tapes told us we'd get rich from distribution.
Yeah, but those tapes got us into Obie's circle of trust.
Travis died listening to what those fucking tapes told him to do! Travis died dreaming of getting where we are right now.
He-he'd back me up on this, and you know it.
You brainwashed him.
If Travis hadn't believed in FAM, he'd have drunk himself to death! He told me that every day.
Get the fuck out! [DOOR OPENS, CLOSES.]
[EXHALES.]
[CAR ENGINE STARTS.]
[TIRES SQUEALING.]
[EXHALES.]
[SIGHS.]
[QUIETLY.]
Fuck this.
- [GRUNTS.]
- [CLINKING.]
- [SNIFFLES, SIGHS.]
- [ERNIE.]
Howdy, neighbor.
Just throwing stuff? Not having a good night, Ernie.
What the heck's the matter? I got something that'll cheer you up a little bit.
From now on, Ernie Gomes is full-time FAM time.
I just resigned from Rebel Rapids.
Ernie [SIGHS.]
There's no money in FAM.
I know.
I know, but there's money in me.
That's why I did it.
Listen to me.
You're not listening to me.
[CHUCKLES.]
Listen, don't worry about it.
By the time the vacation money's gone, we'll both be living in Cabo.
Hopefully, we'll be neighbors there, too.
- [LAUGHS.]
- No, Ernie, listen! I'm sorry I got you into this.
I thought there was a way to win.
There isn't.
You can't.
So, you and me and all our downline, we got to get out.
We got to get out of this.
Stop it! You can't talk like that! Stop saying things like that! You see this? This is hope.
Without it, people die.
You, me, everybody.
You won't take it.
Not you! Stop it! Not you! Stop it! ["RUNNING UP THAT HILL" BY KATE BUSH.]
[SIGHS.]
- It doesn't hurt me - Yeah, yeah, yo Do you want to feel how it feels? Yeah, yeah, yo Do you want to know, know that it doesn't hurt me? - Yeah, yeah, yo - Do you want to hear about - The deal that I'm making? - Yeah, yeah, yo You [PHONE RINGING.]
It's you and me And if I only could I'd make a deal with God And I'd get him to swap our places Be running up that road, be running up that hill Be running up that building [MIRTA.]
Hi.
You've reached Mirta Herrara.
Please leave a message after the beep - in one minute or less.
- [BEEPS.]
[KRYSTAL.]
Hi.
This is Krystal Stubbs.
You know, the alligator widow.
You gave me your card at the FAM rally.
I've got a story to tell you, for your TV show.
A big story.