Parents (2012) s01e06 Episode Script

Morning, Len.
It's funny it used to be the sound of the cycling that woke me and now it's very much the smell.
The sound you get used to it, not to the smell.
I like it.
Len, when you work up a sweat it's like a slow-frying sausage.
Whitsun! What? Whitsun! What are you talking about? What are you doing for Whitsun? Have you decided? Mum, I don't even know what or when Whitsun is.
Are you alright? You look a bit peaky.
Yeah, I feel a bit odd.
I might pop to the doctor.
Oh, Jenny, love.
Have a thing about Whitsun! Jenny? What pants have you got on? Mum, go inside.
Would you want these ones? You want a decent pair on for the doctor.
Love, pass her these, will you? She's going to the doctor's.
Oh, we have got to get out of this place.
Thanks very much.
I'm afraid I can't send you through that door if you're not registered.
Yes, but That's the sys.
Yes, but what's the reason? The beauty of having a system is once you have a system you no longer need reason.
But I'm ill! If it's an urgent complaint I suggest you get yourself off to A&E.
This job, is it still available? It is.
I'd like an application form, please.
I thought you were off to A&E.
What? Oh, god no.
No no no.
Fighting fit.
Open for business.
When you take that cover off, you'll se two valves.
Now be sure to resist the temptation to turn them, until you double-checked that the fuel line is closed.
Hi, guys! Hi, Chrissy.
Girls? Hi, Jenny! Can I just say, you look great.
Oh, thanks, Chrissy! And I tell you what, I'm feeling pretty great.
Because I'm so sick of seeing all these women everywhere.
Good for you! And you can accommodate it.
You look jolly.
You see girls, this is what happens when you go poor.
You'd think that you'd get thinner but you don't, it's weird, it's the opposite.
I've got an interview! Oh, Jenny love you're getting to be an expert at these.
Oh, I've got a feeling about this one.
I put my CV in this morning, they rang me this afternoon to say that they wanted to see me! What's the position, poppet? Practice manager at the doctor's.
Oh, practice manager.
And presumably if you do well in that then later you'll have a go at being the actual manager.
No, Mum.
Mum, practice manager means running a practice.
Yeah, NHS management.
Yeah I'm donating my skills to the public I'm not Barack Obama post-Harvard.
Oh, hat's great news, Jen.
Still rather you than me, all that red tape.
The only person I answer to is Nick Pope.
Nick, you're in my seat.
Oh, sorry.
And as I'd be earning I reckon we'd be able to rent somewhere of our own.
Mommy, what's rent? Nothing you'll ever need to worry about, kitten.
So you might be moving on then, poppet.
Well let's not get ahead of ourselves.
It could go the way of the others.
I think it's brilliant.
Go for it, Mum.
Thanks, Becky.
Go for it! Oh, Becky is scaring me.
For the love of god, go for it! You idiot! Watch where you're putting your oversized scalextric.
Should be looking where you're going.
And you should be in Hi, I'm Jenny pope.
I'm here to interview for the practice manager's post.
If you'd just like to take a seat, Mary will see you at 9:05.
Hello, I'm Mary.
I'll be looking after you this morning.
If you'd just like to follow me I'll take you to meet the doctor.
Are there many other candidates? Oh, just one.
Doctor, this is Jenny Pope, is it? Jenny, meet Dr.
Blair.
Hello.
We've already met, actually.
Oh, yeah, the lady Yeah, that was very much my sense of humor on display.
It's just silly.
As you come to learn I'm pretty quick on the draw when it comes to banter.
I'm a social beast- who knows where to draw the line, hard working, but very pleasant.
Right.
Take a seat.
This is Karen from the PCT, she is going to be doing testing and role plays.
Yeah, thanks, Mary.
And there will be an interview, and then at the end of the day I'll decide who's going to be taking over from the late great Valery.
Well, if you're ready, doctor, I think we should begin.
Yeah, absolutely.
I thought there was an other candidate.
That would be me.
How is your shoulder? Much better.
We'll talk later.
Alright.
Dad, you know we might be moving out Hang on just a bit, love.
Daddy's doing some business work.
I was just thinking we should probably start looking at some places, right? Well, let's not get ahead ourselves.
Mum's not got the job just yet.
No one's getting ahead of themselves, I just booked six or seven appointments with estate agents.
I'm not really sure about this idea, Becky.
Doing things without your mum Dad, it's fine.
I've not gone mad and want to see mansions, okay? They just simple modest flats.
Another nice touch as well as the four iPod docks in here there's also one in every toilet.
So you're never without your tunes.
Right, if you'd liked to follow me to the sleep zone I'll show you the pods.
So, Jenny, tell me how do you seek to motivate your staff? Well, obviously I had a large number of people under me before and- and I always think the best thing is just to treat people like adults.
Let them know where they stand.
Fair day's work for a fair day's pay.
And Mary, same question to you.
Well, Karen, if a member of staff does right by me, they get smiley Mary.
Three of these in a week and you become one of Mary's mates.
But if you do wrong by me, you get an angry Mary, three of these in a week and you become one of Mary's moaning menace.
And let me tell you this, it's not a lot of fun in moaning menace.
system.
It'll be strange around here if they go, won't it? Quieter.
Oh, I know, I know, I've grown fond of having them here too, you know? Most of them.
But we knew the day would come they'd have to move on.
I mean look on the positives, you will have the house back, and I can crack on with my round the world cycle challenge, you know? And you'll have more time to spend on your, on your your, your things.
Yes, you're right.
Let's get a cat.
What? A cat.
Let's have a cat.
A cat? Or a little family of cats? Just hold on a wee second, dear.
You can't just do these things, you know, they need a careful thought.
I suppose you're right.
I can keep myself busy in other ways.
Take a more active interest in you and your hobbies for example.
Start spending a lot of time with you in your shed.
Oh, I do love the sound of cat song.
Oh.
How's it, uh- how's it going? I'm not permitted to discuss the process.
No, no! God, no.
I just mean, you know, how are you? Because I always think with these things, nobody ever really thinks about how hard it is for the assessor.
Can be quite difficult, yes.
Today's proving very straightforward.
Something with, uh, a lot of saturated fats in, please.
And yes to any questions about making it larger.
Alright? Eating off the bonnet of your car.
Yeah.
Cause you don't want the smell to get in the fabrics, do you? Yeah, that's why I'm doing it.
Nothing to do with not wanting my family to know anything.
Well, I can't take it back to the surgery cause Mary doesn't allow it.
But you're the boss, right? Oh, yeah.
Yeah.
So you allow Mary not to allow it.
It's policy.
Mary is very good with policy.
We all dream of a world where you can eat burgers at work, and wear aftershave on days when it isn't your birthday.
But work's never going to be like that, is it? Yes, very used to dealing with large purchasing budgets.
And what do you think you can bring to the surgery personally? If anything at all.
Well I've had a look around, and it works.
It's fine.
Yes? But no offense What do you mean? I mean first off the waiting room, I mean would it kill us to get a couple of plasmas in there? I hardly think a doctor's waiting room I'm sorry, I'm talking to the doctor.
No.
No, it wouldn't kill us.
And seriously would a set of decks and basic crossfade, I mean would it bankrupt us, you know? Get the patient a few tunes.
Keep talking.
Well, it's the 21st century, you know? And as a woman I would- I would appreciate being able to browse, say a lingerie catalog, while I'm waiting for my appointment.
So, yes, on the first day I would liberally scatter the waiting room with lingerie catalogs.
Right, I can see immediate problems.
Two words are just screaming themselves at me, Guitar Hero.
For the patients? No, for us.
How are you supposed to heal when you are all tense.
You know, I have long had a vision of what a general practice could be like in the 21st century.
And I've never seen it realise.
Not even in Scandinavia.
Doctor, could I please have a word with you in my advisory capacity? I've realised who it is she reminds me of, of The Apprentice Yes, the one who got replaced by the fit one of West Ham.
And you are Lord Sir Alan Sugar.
You listen to her advice, you're grateful for it, but at the end of the day you trust your gut.
And so you've got hot, cold, and my favourite, espresso.
This is all great and you know the sort of thing that we'll probably be looking to buy outright in a matter of months but have you got anything more within the price range of a family supported entirely by the wage of a doctor's receptionist? Not quite sure what they using this room for at the moment, but as you can see it's big enough to accommodate a mattress end a webcam.
So I'm sure it can cope with a dining-room table.
Oh, Mr Nibbles knows he's home.
Hasn't he got a good strong voice? You're going to live here with mommy and daddy for ever and ever! Don't worry, dear.
He'll come back when he's hungry.
Ah, hello! Hello, Lovelies! Have you had a nice day? Oh, what's this Thank you, Nana.
It's so good to be here with you.
This place is so so acceptable.
Aha! I got it.
I got the job! We can definitely move out.
Yeah, I know.
I know, I was pretty speechless myself at first, but then I thought "Hey, come on! You know this was just a matter of time.
" I am a manager.
Right.
Well, this is calls for a celebration.
Let's see.
Would you like a go, Samuel? No, ma-maybe not go too mad.
So we're going to have to throw ourselves into the house hunting.
You'll be good at that, eh, Becky? Well, not too far away I hope.
We'll still be seeing you, won't we? Yeah.
I mean yeah, of course.
You'll come to Sunday lunch? Yeah.
Yeah, when we can.
Alright.
I've not been on Facebook for four and a half months.
It is time for a status update methinks.
Won't be strange, dear? We'll be on our own again, eh? Well, don't forget Mr Nibbles.
Yeah.
Have you seen him this evening? No, but his food's gone, so hopefully that was him.
And I cleaned up a mess in the linen cupboard, hopefully that was him.
Oh, yes, it's good to be loved.
Good night.
Morning, Mary.
I just wanted to say, I hope there's going to be no hard feelings.
In fact I got you a little something just to let you know how much I value your experience and I'm looking forward to working with you.
Thank you very much.
I don't drink, but that can go to the cleaners.
Well, there you go.
I just hope we can move forward and forward our nifty little team.
Yes, professionalism above all else.
Jenny, I need you to wee into the cup here.
What? I just need to check you're not on heroin.
Heroin? Yeah, I'd give you the benefit of the doubt but there's been an accusation from a member of staff that you might have been injecting in front of the patients, so How many miles are you on these days, Len? 1672.
Just- just outside Kiev.
Kiev? Don't- Don't touch the chart, please! I'm thinking about getting myself a bike actually.
Oh! You know, one of those fold-outs for the commute.
The commute? Over here, yeah.
I tell you while I'm schlepping all the way here every morning I'm going to miss being able to roll out of bed and pad over in me slippers.
You won't have to schlep all the way over here, Nick, you'll have your own shed.
You'll be able to play on your laptop in there.
Len, what are you trying to say? No, oh, no, it's been lovely having you, but I have my hypothetical round-the-world cycle to complete, you know, I need my space back.
Yeah, yeah of course.
Anyway I've got to go into town now with the lady wife buy Mr.
Nibbles a radiator bed.
See if we can get the bugger indoors.
I'll pick up some boxes for your I am cycling around the world in my imagination.
I keep track of my progress on these charts, and measure the distance I travelled on the bike's pedometer.
You're an excellent business man, Nick.
I like you very much.
Good-bye old friend.
Hello? Jenny? Nick? Leonard, look.
I don't like this, Len.
Stay close, dear, stay close.
Anybody there? Show yourselves now! The buggers have been in the shed.
Nooooooo! It is literally, literally the worst thing that could happen.
The worst thing! Well, try and keep it in perspective, love.
I mean one of us could be hit by a It is worse than that! You see you don't understand, you're not a hobbyist.
Where is Nick? I need to talk to him.
I myself wouldn't mind knowing where he's hiding.
But is he home? Because I've got news.
I know he is your husband, but my god! What's your news, love? I wanted to tell Nick first, but uhm I'm pregnant.
Jenny, love, that's fantastic! Oh, my sweet, that's wonderful.
Are you sure? Yeah, the doctor found out while he was checking my urine for for no reason.
I'm going to be a great-grandmother! No! No, Mum, you're going to be a grandmother, you're still going to be a grandmother.
Oh, even better.
Was it a surprise? Well, I have been feeling quite queasy in the mornings but I put that down to other factors.
Oh, that boy.
I'll give him credit, hat's off, you know? He gets the job done.
Although you know with the extra mouth to feed and everything Oh, its little mouth.
We might not be able to move out straight away, we might need to stay a little bit longer if that's okay.
That's lovely.
It's better than okay, poppet.
It's better than okay, better than okay.
I need to tell Nick, I can't wait any longer.
Hi, hi Nick, it's me.
Jenny, can't talk now.
I'm in trouble with your dad and it is a lot worse than all of the other times.
I'm going to have to be off the grid for a little while.
Nick, Nick, I've got some big news! He's not done something stupid, has he? Oh, god! I'll never be able to forgive myself.
Nick, Nick, I'm having a baby! Nick? Jenny, that's brilliant! I'm so pleased for you! It is mine, yeah? Yeah, of course.
Icing on the cake.
That is fantastic.
I'm going to come straight home.
I'll be with you as soon as I can.
Where are you? Where are we, lad? Half an hour now.
We'll be getting into in about two hours.
I'll buddy up with a trucker, or something.
I'm going to be with you ASAP.