Party Tricks (2014) s01e06 Episode Script

You're here to win us this election.
And if you do, and it's a big if, then that'll be it.
That will be your job done.
You're not a leader.
You're a fucking muppet, mate.
I had an affair.
With David McLeod.
Late Edition found out about it.
Ohh.
And they're breaking the news tomorrow night after the debate.
False alarm.
What the hell is happening tonight? What's breaking? It is not us.
It's Tanya Keegan.
How many other women were there? Oh, Kate.
No.
Please tell me.
Two.
You should have made sure before you gave me no choice but to tell Geoff.
You wanted a story to take to your boyfriend, and it has cost me.
Make me believe that you haven't traded us for some career move.
The story of the year, and you gave it to me.
What does that mean? What are you going to do? I love you, OK.
Did you love him? No.
School participation should not be a platform from which we Order! assault across the table.
Order! Order! We need a modern approach.
An approach that fully considers the cultural, linguistic and economic needs of our young people.
Hear, hear.
And it is on this basis that I unreservedly support this Bill.
Well done, Kate.
Order! Order! We'll break for lunch.
When we resume, the Member for Kew will have the call.
Thanks, Rob.
Well done.
Hey, you see our Bailey had another anti-abortion rant? Oh, again? "Unconscionable".
Well done, Trevor.
Five syllables.
Mm.
You coming? Uh, yeah.
I've just got to take of something.
Order me a red? Yep.
You have one new voice message.
Uh, hi.
I know we said not till Sydney, but could you meet me today? Call me when you can.
Thanks for getting back to me so quickly.
That's OK.
I wanted to talk to you, too.
Something wrong? Alison's got cancer.
Oh God.
Oh, I'm so sorry.
She went to the doctor and it's, uh Yeah, it's ovarian cancer.
She's got to have an operation.
She's got to have chemo.
She's riddled with it.
David I'm moving back home.
Of course.
Would you like to see the wine list? No.
Um, just just a scotch for me.
I'll be fine with water.
Thanks.
Where is she being treated? Um, Peter Mac.
I have excellent contacts there, so perhaps She's getting the very best treatment, thanks.
What? Kate, this is probably the last time that we can Yes.
So can't we just say that this is fucked this is as painful as hell, and I wish it wasn't happening.
Of course I don't want it to be happening.
I just wanted to say It's alright.
No, no.
Just listen.
You are going to do incredible things but you need to stop trying to be the person that everybody else expects you to be.
Please don't end this with some condescending advice.
I don't mean it to be condescending.
I'm saying this because I care about you.
I love you.
I love you, too.
Kate I'll be thinking about you so much.
And I dearly hope that Alison's treatment is successful.
Don't.
Goodbye, David.
Election eve, and a surging Premier Ballard crisscrosses the state as David McLeod goes to ground in the wake of damaging personal revelations.
In this final fortnight, Kate Ballard has delivered a very effective two punch.
The commanding performance in the debate coupled with a more empathetic public.
It's worth noting that the race remains incredibly tight for preferred Premier, and at the moment David McLeod is leading in the most recent polls.
52% to 48% for Ballard.
I think it's also worth noting that while Ballard maintains a strong lead Morning! There she is! Hey! It's within reach, it is with in reach.
He's already on his third Red Bull.
Fourth.
Can you feel it? Can.
You.
Feel it? I can feel something, Wayne.
Definitely feeling something.
Come on! G'day, mate! Changes? Uh, additions.
Yes.
Geoff's keen to make as many stops as possible, but first stop, the polls.
Anything in particular you'd like me to wear, Wayne? Indeed there is, Mr Ballard.
Follow me.
Oh, I can feel it.
The new drafts of the victory speech and the concession speech.
Do you want to review them now or? No, I'll wait till polls close.
You want Ollie on hand when you go over them? No, that's fine.
Here we go.
Hey.
How we travelling? What, besides looking like the walking dead? I got rid of the bags but You tried antihistamine? Nah.
They just make me foggy.
Alright.
Let me just try Can you just give us a moment, please? OK.
Just lean back for me.
Sorry.
I know it's uncomfortable, but just trust me.
No sleep? No.
Well, don't worry about the polls.
OK, yes she shot up, but only in their safe seats.
Now, the fringe seats.
We had the men and you've won us the women.
You've got this.
Uh, what's Matilda's schedule look like for today? Photo op when you cast your vote, and then on stage with you when you win.
Alright.
Well, no interviews and no press interaction, alright? Matilda's actually developed a really relatable on-screen presence.
It might be worth Nothing! And today will be the last of her public appearances.
Right? OK.
Let me see.
You prick.
You still look handsome.
That's just the hormones speaking.
Polls open across the state as both candidates head to lodge their vote.
The race is still tight.
David McLeod on 52% as preferred Premier to Kate Ballard Hey.
Hey.
Whereabouts are you? At work.
Have you seen the article? I kind of meant, are you still at your sister's? You need to check out what I just posted.
You guys are going to want to get on it pretty quickly.
Please tell me that you haven't.
Read it.
Hello.
Hello.
Can I take a photo? Yes.
Thank you.
Oh, Helen! My pleasure.
Thank you.
Oh.
Oh, hello! Nice to see you.
Show us your tits, love.
Wayne? Whatever it takes.
OK.
Winning smiles for me.
You're in love, and we're winning the election.
Hello? Wayne, there's an article Tom just posted.
I'm tweeting you.
Headline is, "Second choice McLeod celebrity candidate "dismissed as intellectual lightweight by his own team.
" It's this leaked internal email from his campaign manager showing David wasn't her first choice.
Check it, check it, check it.
Could we pull up for a second? Thanks.
I get that.
Like, they are two different things, but they can't be that different though, like, personal approval and preferred Premier.
I just need to confirm something.
One moment.
Yeah, hi.
Got your text, but I haven't got the email.
Yep, well, can you just text me? Text me the link right now.
It says two-party preferred Just hang on a second, Tild.
What's going on? Just give me a moment.
Sorry.
What is it? Um An article has appeared.
It looks like there's been some sort of leak of an email.
An old one sent last year by me.
And some very unflattering elements have been Show me.
Well, just to give you some context Show it to me, please.
"Relatable and charismatic "but unlikely to weather a full term.
" Is this for real? It's from over a year ago.
"The email proves that McLeod was chosen "more for star power than ability "and that first preference was ex-footballer Tony McMahon.
" Obviously this was a very Was this said to Duncan? I don't recall specific Oh, for fuck's sake! Dad! Bailey.
This had to come from Bailey.
I don't know.
I fucking said it.
I said it right from the start he was gonna knife me.
Now, we do the vote, we keep the schedule, and after the polls close you, me and Duncan, we sit down.
We castrate that prick Bailey.
It is all over Twitter, and it is the most-read article in three states.
I wish it had hit last night, but, either/either way, this is good.
Can I see it? Certainly.
Excuse me, Premier.
If I could get through? Thank you.
Can we get an iPad, please, for Geoff? Thank you, thank you.
Yep.
I can't, it's not unlocking, um, I don't understand.
Here.
Can you unlock that? It's by Tom Worland, isn't it? Ollie's Tom? Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Bit late now to affect things though, isn't it? No.
It is never too late.
We prioritise this over electoral stops.
You'll be doing rolling interviews, as many as we can.
Geoff too, if he's in.
Good man.
OK.
David! David! Any comment, David? What's your reaction to the leaked email? Is there something you'd like to say, please, David? Good to see you all.
Great to see my campaign's started.
Thanks so much.
Good to see you.
I see firsthand just how hard she works.
She wasn't picked for a marketing deal.
She wasn't on any list.
She is here because she's I am aware, yes.
And I agree, it is concerning.
But frankly, what concerns me most about David McLeod is his policies.
Well, yes.
Thank you.
Going live in three, two, one.
Premier Kate Ballard.
David, where do you think the leak came from? David, have you spoken to your campaign manager about the leak? Thanks for the support.
OK.
Who wants a sausage, hey? Big on taste, big on quality.
I mean, look at the size of that.
Now, that's a Labor sausage, OK? That's what we want to see.
Now, if we show you this one, this is a little bit like a Liberal one because it's falling apart.
What I will say is Victoria is facing some extremely serious problems and a casual email from 12 months ago is definitely not one of them.
We all do things we regret, but we will move forward.
Always good to see the members of the press.
Thanks again! Tom! You guys can go.
Hey.
Hey.
The article.
Yeah.
I got your messages.
Thanks.
Was it Bailey? You know I can't reveal my sources.
Hey Tom, um, do you reckon that maybe we could write this whole last fortnight off as just terrible, terrible luck? You know, get through tonight, get blind drunk.
Tomorrow, wake up, be good again? Yeah, look.
The thing is, you thought that I put some career thing ahead of us.
You know? I'm not like that, and I don't want to be in a relationship with someone who is.
You're not.
Should I vote for her? Don't ask me.
No, no, wait.
Yes.
You should.
She's good.
Everything she does, she pores over all the results.
Hospital waiting times, carbon emissions, school results.
She makes things better.
She actually does.
Yeah, I'd decided.
I just wanted to hear what you'd you say.
Well, the campaigns are over.
Victorians have delivered their verdict.
And the count has begun.
The sensational drafting of David McLeod had seemingly landed a knockout blow to the Ballard government.
But in this final fortnight with the McLeod campaign engulfed in scandal, Premier Kate Ballard has gained confidence and momentum.
But will it be enough? With us tonight, election analyst Antony Green.
Pleasure, Natasha.
Deputy Premier, Paula Doumani, and Opposition Interim Leader, Trevor Bailey.
Antony, we might start with you.
I think it's important that we get some perspective on this.
Oh, I've got perspective.
I have too much perspective.
That email was sent well before I'd even met you.
I can show you other emails, plenty of other emails The email is not the problem.
Trevor Bailey is the problem, and I've been saying this for weeks.
We don't know that it was Bailey.
It's Bailey! And if we dealt with him when I said, the way I'd said, this would not have happened.
It may have happened earlier.
David, the polls have closed.
This leak did not hit till mid-morning.
It's been the lead on every news break.
It's changed the narrative of the entire election.
David, you have won.
You look at the exit polls in all the marginal seats.
They tell me you are Victoria's next Premier.
Now you need to start acting like it.
Fine.
Then from now on, I live or die by my own choices.
David, wait.
Tilda! You're coming with me.
Lucas.
David, we've got to get to the leaders party.
Lucas! David, can we just stop for one moment please? David, wait.
Fuck.
Let him cool off.
As long as he's there by nine o'clock.
I can't imagine he's going to be very receptive to me at the moment.
Then you'll need to find someone who he will be receptive to.
We just need him to be reasonably presentable for the next six hours.
And then what? Then you'll get your bonus, Charlotte.
I meant for David.
Then you'll get your bonus.
Lucas, find out where they're doing the telly coverage.
Um, why? We're gonna go and see Trevor Bailey.
Awesome.
Good evening.
Hi.
Any updates? Super strong in the safe seats.
Green wedge is a bit weird.
On an inner city rail tunnel that won't make a jot of difference.
No, no.
Look.
I'll be frank here.
Really, Paula? You'll be frank? I'm shocked.
No need to be a pissant, Trevor.
Can I please look at the speeches? Concession.
Victory.
Ollie says he's got a lot of other versions if you want them.
OK.
Using Colourful language to distract from the very real issues that we've identified here.
If these are real issues, Trevor, then maybe you should develop a real policy to deal with them.
Thank you for today.
If you do have to do the concession speech, you, um, saying whether you're going to retire? Well, um, that's something I need to determine with Caucus.
If I do lose.
We need to find out what we are outside of all this.
I've been thinking.
I could take a year off, we could travel.
Do Europe properly.
Geoff it's absolutely my intention to retire, but Then you could say that.
Tonight.
You've called Lucas Fry.
Please leave a message.
Lucas, where the hell are you? Find a way to call me back as soon as possible.
And at this stage those numbers are indicating a significant swing towards the Coalition, Natasha.
Is that encouraging, Mr Bailey? Well, we were hoping to narrow the margin in those green wedge seats, but to actually claim a seat like Macedon, well I'd describe that as deeply thrilling.
Deeply thrilling.
Right, well we will cross to Macedon very soon.
But coming up after the break, we actually have an addition to the panel.
The candidate for Premier, the candidate for the seat of Mount Waverley, Mr David McLeod.
Can we kill the volume on this TV, thanks? We'll be back shortly.
- Hey, Ollie.
- Yeah? - Ollie.
What? They're not calling it already, are they? No, better.
And we're clear.
Sorry? David McLeod's joining us.
Are we all gonna remain? Yeah, that's fine.
What? Are you nervous, Trevor? No, no.
Just in terms of maintaining party balance.
Maybe it's best if I vacate.
Oh no, no.
Don't vacate.
I'm sure I can handle both of you.
Just scoot over a little bit.
It's not a matter of that, Paula.
You'll be right, fella.
Tash! Thanks for accommodating me.
No, that's alright.
We were just talking about crossing to your leaders party.
Oh, I feel like the party's all here.
Antony, good to see you.
My old friend Paula.
Trev.
How are you, Trev? Good.
Oh, I feel like I'm in my old job.
You can stay here if you like.
OK, we're on in five, four, three And welcome back to Victoria Decides.
Joining us right here in the studio is the candidate for next Victorian Premier, Mr David McLeod.
Thanks for having me, Tash.
Well, some mixed fortunes today.
Some very promising results in marginal seats but also a damaging leaked email.
No, not damaging at all.
Far worse things have been said about me and let me tell you You're not that good an actor, mate.
Let me just clear something up.
That email was sent over 12 months ago by my campaign manager, Charlotte Wynn.
And we've been laughing about it because, sure, Charlotte is my harshest critic.
But I believe it's important to surround yourself with critics.
Keeps you sharp, focused.
Premier Ballard, on the other hand, has surrounded herself for far too long with yes-men.
And I believe that the state has suffered because of that.
OK.
Premier Ballard is surrounded by the members of Parliament and if you think that they're yes-men Hang on just a minute.
That's right.
You've never set foot in Parliament.
Go Paula! It does seem to suggest some division in the party.
No, no.
I believe that leak was probably from a pimply teenage hacker trying to impress his mates.
Um, look, it definitely wouldn't have come from my team.
In fact, the level of support I have received from them It's been well, it's been humbling.
I mean, I'm sure Trev can echo that.
Yes.
Well, David's run a very strong campaign.
And you know what? The very first call I received this morning was from Trev, pledging his support.
He said, um, he said, "Mate, regardless of the outcome today" Well, sorry.
You should probably tell them what you said.
Go on.
Mr Bailey? Yes, well.
I just, uh I said whatever happens today, the party will move forward.
With strength.
As we all know, thanks to Paula's incredible insight, I haven't worked in Parliament before.
But you know what, Paula? You know what, I can't wait.
Because I have an incredible team around me, and I have Trevor Bailey's brilliant policy brain.
And more than that.
More than that, I have his friendship.
Oh my God.
Look, I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
Come on, Doumani.
Come on! I don't know what's happening on that side of the panel.
I can't tell if it's cock blocking or dick measuring.
Yes! You know what I suggest? I suggest the two of you Blocking the screen, Wayne.
maybe, what, kiss each other or hit each other, I don't really care.
I'll stay here with Tash.
Oh, she is sassy.
I'm sorry, but she is a sassy Transport Minister.
Wayne.
I think we have plenty more election analysis to come.
Right now, though, I think we might cross to one of those contentious marginal seats.
You are watching the Victorian state election results I think.
We'll go now to the seat of Macedon where our reporter Stuart Parsons is standing by.
Are you there, Stuart? I'm here, Tash.
And we're clear! Thanks, Tash.
Au revoir.
Antony.
David, we're hearing the way the marginals are going, the results might be imminent, so Just one moment.
Trev, you got a sec? Uh, you mind if I speak freely? Sure.
Thanks.
I fucking hate you, mate.
And I'm pretty sure the feeling's mutual.
It is.
You see, I really fucking hate you.
Yes.
I hate your face.
I hate your walk.
Everything that comes out of your mouth.
For me it's your teeth.
Really? Capped teeth, little satellite dishes in your mouth.
Ah, not capped.
Whitened.
You should really look into it.
No, thanks.
You know, sitting there white-anting me is a terrible strategy.
Always understand that a white anter will never become Premier.
But if you suck it up, stand beside me, well, then you'd be an honourable man.
Putting the state before his own ambitions.
Now, that's the kind of guy who can be Premier.
Who will be Premier.
Right after me.
You've lost Duncan Guthrie, haven't you? No.
Look, thanks for the advice, mate, but I don't need to white-ant you.
You're one inch away from becoming a national joke.
All I need to do is sit back and watch.
Great.
Well, go fuck yourself.
You too.
That's the seat of Bulleen definitely confirmed as a Liberal victory.
The overall percentage votes we're seeing at the moment are very similar to the 2010 result.
But there's been certain differences in key seats.
In particular, the Coalition's had this victory in the three marginal green wedge seats.
And the results in those seats really are quite a surprise, aren't they, Antony? She's still got the inner city gays.
She's won those versions of us.
Yeah.
Polling is substantially weaker in those key seats.
Are you seeing the potential for a hung parliament, Antony? No, with the confirmed loss of Macedon, I think we can go further than that at this stage.
Are you close to calling it? Yes, I think we can call it at this stage.
I think that we can say there has been a Coalition victory.
Right.
Well, there you have it.
Wait.
Wait.
The Age Online just called it as well.
Our election analyst Antony Green has tipped a victory for the Coalition led by Mr David McLeod.
You should go.
No.
Ollie, she'll want you there.
Just go.
Kate Ballard, Victoria's second female Premier, failed to hold government.
We are, of course, still waiting to see what the new Victorian Parliament will look like, and indeed, whether this result will mark the end of Kate Ballard's political career.
But first, let's cross to David McLeod's seat of Mount Waverley where celebrations are already underway.
OK, thanks.
We're done.
Wayne, um I'm so sorry to tarnish your perfect campaign record.
He may have gotten across the line, but you have all the credibility.
It is going to be seen as a very sad day for this state.
Follow me.
I'm OK.
Thank you.
Thanks everyone.
Congratulations, Premier McLeod.
We have a copy of your victory speech.
Concession call, how does that work? What time, whose phone do they call? Um, Ballard's team's been in contact.
They're good to make the call.
They're just waiting on a confirmation text from me.
Alright, tell them to call now.
My phone.
OK.
Also, if I can this room cleared? Thank you very much everyone.
Thank you.
Sorry.
You too, Tild.
OK, everyone out.
Thank you.
OK.
Thank you, people.
Thank you.
If we could just chop, chop.
Let's go.
Thanks, Kaz.
Thank you.
Yep.
Geoff.
I'll stay for this.
Uh, traditionally the concession call is just the Premier.
Geoff, it's a concession call.
It's not appropriate.
If you are speaking to him, I'm staying.
Right.
Give me the phone.
Just hit call when you're ready.
Kate.
David.
Congratulations.
I'm calling to officially concede.
You are the next Premier of Victoria.
I'm going to make my concession speech in about 20 minutes.
OK, alright.
Look, I need to talk to you.
I'd also like to take this opportunity to respectfully ask you not to dismantle our transport policy, our health platform Alright, alright.
our TAFE funding.
Listen to me.
These are good, sound policies.
Is there someone there with you? Sorry.
You need to listen to me, OK? We don't have much time.
I have an offer for you, Kate.
You should also know that my concession is going to mark my exit from politics.
Hang on, no.
Kate, you need to listen Goodbye, David.
Unbelievable.
I should take this.
No.
There's still more to be said.
No! I can't say it with you standing over me! This is my last chance to keep some of my policies, my work, alive.
Oh, for fuck's sake! That's not what this is about! You expect me to get up on that stage and OK, I don't expect that.
I think you should leave.
What? You're an intelligent human being.
Can't you see how humiliating, how insulting this is? Should I go after him? Oh, leave him.
Be right outside if you need me.
Hi.
Sorry about that.
Are you alright? I'm fine.
Geoff.
I'm fine.
Alright.
I'm just gonna come straight out and say this, and your first instinct is going to be to shoot it down but you just need to Just tell me, David.
Work with me.
What? Work with you? Just keep calm.
I'm calm.
Well, stop frowning.
I'm not fr You can't even see me.
Look, I need an ally.
And I trust you more than I trust my own party.
You may not be in the seat of power anymore, but I am, so let's use that power together.
Sorry.
Are you suggesting that I join your party? No, not necessarily.
Well, you want me to be your advisor? Well, I don't have a label for it yet.
What I'm talking about is you and I figuring out the best changes for this state and then making those happen.
Our policies are diametrically opposed.
No.
No, they're not.
That is where you are wrong.
You see, we are both centrists at heart.
And together, Kate, we could make a formidable team.
So you want me to step down as Premier and whisper policies into your ear? The woman behind the man? No, obviously we'd have to determine title, salary.
What's the priority here, Kate? Is it public recognition? Or is it implementing actual change? Now, you think about the alternative.
Because your political career is dead.
And you know what you'll do.
You'll take some boring job at a not-for-profit and you will delude yourself that you are still making a difference.
And you'll stay in that dead-end marriage even though Even though what? You know what.
You've always known.
Thanks, David, for defining my choices for me, all two of them.
Just think about what you're choosing.
Both professionally and personally.
If you need a moment, that's fine.
But I'll need your answer by Are we ready, Premier? It's just Kate now.
Oliver has just arrived if you'd like him to have a look over any of your Look over your speech? Ollie! Yes, well, he's arrived.
Lovely he could join us.
Just waiting now for Premier Kate Ballard to officially concede.
A sombre atmosphere, but also a sense of pressure release.
Yes.
Yes, of course I did.
No, I haven't been able to speak to him yet.
Just go in there.
Sorry.
I'll have to call you back.
Look, he just needs an ally.
Right? And that can be you.
You just need to show him that you respect him and that you reckon his judgment is really good.
I do it, like, every second night.
It's not that hard.
David.
Sorry to interrupt.
If I could just bring up that email? Forget about it.
Just for the record, I did mean it.
When I sent that email, that's what I thought of you.
But I was wrong.
And I was wrong about Bailey, too.
We should have done exactly what you said, exactly when you said it.
Tilda, have you been coaching her? Look Charlotte, you've done your job.
You got the victory.
I really don't know how long I can last as Premier.
So, if I were you, I'd go out now, on the high.
Dad, Dad.
I think it's happening.
Premier Kate Ballard about to concede the 2014 State election.
Minister Doumani.
You were electrifying tonight.
I thought you would have liked it.
Bit more self-control, and you'd be Premier material.
And if you had a bit more depth and warmth, Wayne, you'd be a Geoff is a bit of a mess.
Do you want me to That's fine.
I'll walk alone.
Let's go.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thanks.
Thank you very much.
Thanks.
Thank you.
I feel fine.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you, thank you.
It's good to see so many friends here.
Thanks.
Well, clearly this has been a tough campaign, and it was very close.
But I have just called David McLeod to congratulate him.
He has vast challenges to face, and I wish him every success.
There are so many people I have to thank.
My deputy, Paula Doumani.
My colleagues, for running such a unified campaign.
My personal staff.
Their dedication has been truly humbling.
I began my career as a lawyer, representing some of the most disadvantaged members of our community.
It was my first insight into how our legal and political systems can help people to live their best lives.
This campaign has been extraordinarily focused on personality.
Well, tonight, I choose to focus on achievement.
On the advances, measurable advances, this government has made in our health system, in education, in regional growth.
This campaign has not seen us hold government but it's not over.
This is not over.
I vow to fight on.
To the new Premier I would say, expect a rigorous opposition.
Expect to be held to account.
And expect the new Victorian Parliament to be a true contest of ideas.
So get some.
Thank you.
Thank you to everybody.
Onward.
She'll never touch you.
Your power is in your popularity, and we can maintain that.
We can build on it, starting right now.
We will craft the lines, we will develop the persona.
We will keep you so unstoppably popular that no-one will touch you.
Not Bailey, and certainly not Ballard.
Onwards! So, there's an autocue, there's a print out, or there's an audio feed.
Whichever you prefer.
That's alright.
I've got this.
Please welcome the new Premier of Victoria, David McLeod.