Porn and Ice Cream (2022) s01e06 Episode Script

1
Yes?
Yes, how do you do?
We're The Feeble-Minded.
Leave it to me.
We came to see Segundo.
-Oh, yes, come in.
-Thank you.
What?
I don't know how,
but I'll end up living here.
Look, the Bilbo coat stand.
Item number 8004
from Home Warehouse.
Cinnamon.
Those are the Gandalf candles.
Item number 2381.
What are you doing, Ceci?
-I didn't notice.
-Hiya.
-Second! How are you?
-Hi, girlfriend. Take it.
-Yeah?
-I've taken about 100.
How are you, Segundo?
Yeah, yeah.
Shall we go meet Roxana? Yes?
Weren't we meeting Vieira?
Yes, Vieira is also home,
but the true boss is Roxana.
Who is she? His wife?
Among other things.
Welcome.
PORN AND ICE CREAM
Come in, please, follow me.
I'll introduce you to Sergio, my husband.
My eldest, Juan Cruz.
-Call me Spider, Mom.
-Shut up.
Oli, the birthday girl.
Oh, and Enriqueta, Oli's best friend.
Hi.
Well, they're The Feeble-Minded.
No, it's just them.
I'm the manager.
Today is a very special day.
We will make this country
a great country.
And we'll move forward. Why?
Because we will, I'm sure.
But they're the band
that will play at Oli's birthday.
The meeting with the steel mill
is this afternoon.
Is that Wiener schnitzel?
-Yes, it's Wiener schnitzel.
-Is it good?
Yes, very good.
We brought a demo for you to listen to.
No, it's not necessary.
I fully trust Segundo's judgment.
Thanks, Roxana, thanks.
We almost died recording it.
The building collapsed.
-The sound engineer is in a coma.
-The party is on Friday.
And you'll play 40 minutes.
We only have one song anyway.
-We could play it ten times.
-Oh, Ramón, I love your jokes!
-Not a joke.
-40 minutes is perfect.
We have lots of songs.
Lots of songs.
Mom, when are you
showing my film?
After the band, sweetheart.
I don't want Spider's film.
It's gross. Everyone's nude.
But they're artistic nudes.
It's a metaphor.
Still gross. Mom, please.
It's not pornography.
I have a right to
-To criticize the system
-Spider, no.
It's my birthday. No!
Stop, stop it!
Cut it out!
I'd like to see the short film.
-Are these real nudes? Can you see?
-There's plenty of nudity, yes.
It's old, from my student days
in New York.
The Big Apple! I love it.
Well.
I'll see you guys on Friday, then.
Thank you.
The Legolas jar.
Item number 1546.
How do you know that?
I work at Home Warehouse.
What?
Right.
We're leaving. You're leaving. Come on.
Now. Go on. Out, out, out.
Why didn't you tell me that Ramón
works at Home Warehouse?
-What's wrong with that?
-Roxana is addicted to Home Warehouse!
She's banned from the chain.
They found her at the carpentry aisle,
masturbating with a monkey wrench.
You get the picture, right?
Well, we didn't know,
Segundo. Sorry.
Didn't you notice that every single item
here is from Home Warehouse? Ramón!
JOHN BOOKCASE
ITEM 9098
ACHILLES HORSE
ITEM 8977
CLEOPATRA JAR
ITEM 1114
VITUS LAMP
ITEM 3232
Sorry.
One more thing.
Is it true
that you just have one song?
-No.
-Yes.
Yes, it's true.
I don't care how,
but you'll write 12 songs
for Friday. Twelve!
Need to pee, need to pee!
What happened here?
Pablo. He struggles
when he eats pasta.
No, Wilson!
Get off the sofa.
-And that dog?
-Pablo brought him from the bar.
-And that fire?
-Pablo.
Pablo Pablo Pablo.
No, Ramón, this is a disaster
You can't live like this. Talk to him.
It's impossible to reason with Pablo.
Once, I asked him
to do his dishes,
and he pretended I wasn't there,
didn't speak to me all day.
Pablo Pablo Pablo Pablo
Pablo Pablo Pablo
Pablo
Well, this is downright abuse.
Be like a mosquito. First, it numbs you.
When it stings, you don't notice.
Say something nice first,
then the unpleasant bit.
-Example. "You look so nice today, Ramón."
-Thank you.
-Could you lend me 2,000 pesos?
-Yes.
No, it's an example, Ramón.
But I could use the cash.
Ramón, you didn't buy toilet roll!
-Didn't you just pee?
-Yes, I use paper to wipe my willy.
Shall we write some hits?
-You look so nice today, Pablo.
-I know.
I want you to leave my house.
What? Are you kicking me out?
I'm your best friend.
It's very hard to live with you.
You don't help with the house chores.
-And when I speak to you, you ignore me.
-Who's the cutest dog? What?
-I want you out of my house.
-Okay, I'm going
To Ceci's place,
she's a real friend.
What? You're not fucking staying at mine.
And you must write 12 songs. Remember?
I'm not writing anything.
Cancel the gig, this band is over.
-That's fine by me.
-Okay, we cancel.
Porn and ice cream
Porn and ice cream
Okay, wait. You can stay at my place.
But you'll write six songs.
And you'll write another six.
Deal.
-After the birthday party, you'll leave.
-Okay, we'll see.
No, we won't "see," you'll leave.
Yeah, well, when
We'll talk it over later.
Hi.
This is Pablo.
He'll stay here for a few days.
It seems they didn't hear me.
This way.
There. That's your living space,
this is mine.
-But mine is a lot smaller!
-It's my house.
The rules: don't open the fridge,
don't use my bed.
And if you bump into Virginia and Haroldo,
don't talk to them, they're foreign. Okay?
Pablo!
Eating pasta is so difficult!
-Are you Ramón?
-Yes.
Come with me, please.
Oh. Hello, Roxana.
We've searched
17 Home Warehouse stores to find you.
Yes, don't worry. We're writing the songs
with the band. We'll be just in time to
That smell of Home Warehouse
mesmerizes me. I don't know
-Take it away from me, take it away!
-Well, I
No, don't go.
-Get me into the store.
-But you're banned from Home Warehouse.
But you will get me into the store.
But I could get fired.
So what? It's just a job, please
We must be discreet. Discreet.
Maybe we should meet elsewhere.
I know a bar,
I always go there with a friend.
How could I possibly go to a bar?
Can't you see?
I'm married to an important politician.
He could be president of this country.
Please. Remember, it's Sergio Vieira.
Vieira, Vieira
Your best president
You will receive instructions.
How? When? Where?
I don't know. Does it matter?
I command, and it's done. Go.
-Okay, I'm off.
-Stop right there. One moment.
I always want you
dressed like that. Always.
Yes, but careful. It's my only shirt.
-No, sorry.
-Yeah, I
Okay, go on, get lost.
24 FRAMES
CAREER
ROXANA GOES OU
ROXANA COMES BACK
-Hi.
-Hi, how are you?
I came to see your mom to
Discuss the microphone for the gig.
Yeah, but she's already left
-Ceci, yeah.
-Ceci, Ceci, Ceci, Ceci.
Well, I must have come
at the wrong time.
I'm off.
-Okay.
-Bye, see you
2001 MOVIES
I dropped everything.
-Do you like Kubrick?
-I love him. I'm a big fan.
-Really?
-A big fan, yeah, huge fan.
-He was a good friend of my Dad's.
-Stanley?
Who?
-Stanley Kubrick?
-Him, yeah. Yeah.
We traveled together to Villa Gesell.
He's so silly!
-Was.
-Was.
Obviously, he's dead.
So sad.
I was about to have breakfast.
Would you
I haven't had breakfast either.
Perfect timing. Breakfast
At Tiffany's.
Thanks.
A damp stain spreads on the wall
I'm eaten up by boredom
I'm also drop dead gorgeous
It's so hard to be your friend, though
You're a navel-gazing weirdo
To the streets you threw me out
You fucked up my life, there's no doubt
People call you Selfish Bastard
And your surname's Childish-Dastard
You pretend your friendship's golden
But deep down you're truly rotten
You just make out like I hurt you
But you're bitter and I know you
I think you just went too far
I take it all back
I can't make music if I'm not with you
Can't make music if I'm not with you
Nothing ever sounds true
My voice is turning blue
Without you
Without you
INCOMING CALL
ROXANA CELL PHONE
Hi, Roxana?
This breakfast reminds me
so much of New York.
Where in New York did you live?
In
In the Plaza Hotel.
The Plaza Hotel?
That's so expensive. How is life there?
Yes, it was very close to Central Park,
where my friend lived, the Pigeon Woman.
-Your friend lived in Central Park?
-I'm not quite sure where she slept.
But I love New York. I miss it loads.
The Statue of Liberty, Mr. Sheffield
Juan Cruz, you're taking us to hockey.
I'm not Juan Cruz, you brat!
Well, sorry, Spider. Will you drive us?
Don't mock me.
I won't do it now.
-But Mom said you had to.
-I don't give a fuck! Go on your own.
-I can't!
-Learn to drive!
-I'm 15!
-Then respect your brother's
-artistic name.
-I won't
Stop!
You, get ready
for hockey practice!
And you, get the car keys
and drive her to hockey!
Okay.
And I'll go pee because I'm bursting!
Why do you yell that?
Because I'm stuck with this voice now!
"Good morning, Lady Cecilia.
Breakfast in bed?"
"No, thanks, I'll have it at the solarium
as I watch my stocks rising."
I'll be out in a second.
Could you wait outside?
I know what your plan is.
What plan?
Well, come in if you want.
I'm watching you.
Are you too busy today?
Yes, I'm submitting a paper tonight.
I'm delayed. I might not get any sleep.
I apologize for the noise,
I was writing music.
Or trying to.
I suppose that the shelf
with the rotten fruit is Ceci's, right?
I don't know what she lives on.
-Cigarettes?
-Whiskey.
-Candy.
-Coffee.
-Lots of hard-boiled eggs.
-Yes.
That's why she has
this acrid smell of goat, right? Like
A pigeon from the Congress building
has a healthier diet.
No, Ceci is filthier
than a pigeon and spreads more diseases.
Totally.
Do you know of a supermarket around here?
There's one, but why? Are you hungry?
Yes.
-If you want, you can have this arepa.
-No
Haroldo always makes loads.
He's clearly not hungry.
Okay.
-I've never eaten arepas.
-This is your first.
His are delicious.
I'd better eat it quickly
before the pigeon tries to snatch it.
It's the first time I've entered a hotel.
Did you bring what I requested?
Yes. I've brought
screw anchors, a dishcloth, a sugar bowl,
sawdust and a monkey wrench.
Lie down.
A little sawdust
Like that.
It tickles.
It It tickles.
And now, the best part.
-No! Not the monkey wrench!
-Why not?
-I'm not liking this game.
-You don't like it?
Then, get me into the store.
It's impossible. I could get fired.
Forget about playing
at my daughter's birthday.
-But that's extortion.
-Yeah, so what?
No, nothing,
just confirming, right? I'm leaving.
What are you guys doing?
We're watching The Sixth Sense.
-Can I join you?
-It's already started, you won't get it.
I've seen it, anyway.
Go on, budge up.
Bruce Willis was dead!
What is she saying?
How can he be dead?
He's talking to the boy.
She's ridiculous.
It's such a shame
you aren't our roommate, my friend.
-Way cooler than having the pigeon here.
-You're so sweet, guys.
At least I know I have fewer
venereal diseases than the pigeon.
-You scared me!
-You look so nice today.
-I know.
-I want you out of my house.
-The mosquito technique again?
-Yes, I just had three rules.
You broke them. You opened the fridge,
talked to my roommates, and used my bed.
-I didn't use your bed.
-No? So, what's that?
I had a little nap because Haroldo's
arepas were too heavy for me.
-He has never offered me arepas.
-Really?
They're scrumptious, seriously.
-Take your stuff and get out.
-Okay.
Wilson! Let's go.
Bye, Pablo. We'll miss you.
We'll never have a roommate
like you, my friend.
Don't go, Pablo.
"This private diary, written in verse,
"belongs to Claudio and his universe."
"My first time was beautiful,
like the notes of a musical."
"Yesterday, my first son was born,
all hairy and forlorn."
"I have a dress for you
and make-up for two."
"My wife is in prison,
like a fish in a tank.
"But the prison is home,
she wears an ankle tag."
"At work, the entire week,
I'm Claudio, so pristine."
"But Thursday nights,
I'm known as Josephine."
"Cross-dressing is my life,
it's so hard to repress it."
"Cross-dressing is my life,
I just want to confess it."
Madam?
Son! I didn't know you were back.
-Why are you dressed like Mirtha Legrand?
-What? I was going for Jackie Kennedy!
I don't understand at all, Dad.
Come, sit down.
I
I'm a cross-dresser.
You're my mother?
No, your mother's your mother.
I am a man who sometimes likes
to dress as a woman.
And on Thursdays,
I go somewhere for a coffee.
What? A gay coffee?
-What's a gay coffee?
-What do I know, Dad?
-Or Mom! Or Auntie!
-I am your father!
I can't believe you've kept this
from the family all these years.
No, no, just from you.
Because you are a bit
backward.
Your mom and your brother know.
In fact, Santi did my nails.
-They're beautiful.
-It's called "nail art."
-What's going on?
-Sit at the piano.
It's 4:00 a.m.
and we've fallen out, Pablo.
This is more important.
We must write music for the party.
Yes, well, about that
You'll tell me later.
But listen to this.
"At work, the entire week,
I'm Claudio, so pristine.
"But Thursday nights,
I'm known as Josephine."
-And what is that?
-My dad's intimate diary.
It all rhymes.
We can write the 12 songs with this.
At work, the entire week, I
I'm Claudio so pristine
But Thursday nights
I'm known
I'm known as Josephine
Cross-dressing is my life
Again.
Cross-dressing is my life
Cross, cross-dressing is my life
It's so hard to repress it
I just want to confess it
'Cause cross, cross-dressing is my life
Yesterday, my first son was born
All hairy and forlorn
Yesterday, my first son was born
All hairy and for
My wife is in prison
Like a fish in a tank
But the prison is home
She wears, she wears, she wears
An ankle tag
Ankle tag
And make-up for two
-Guys!
-Hang on, Ceci!
What's up?
Roxana called, she canceled.
No, I can't believe
we wrote 12 songs in vain.
I traveled all the way
from Zárate at 5:00 a.m. Fuck!
Guys, don't worry.
I know how to sort this out.
There it is. Great.
The security cameras
have several blind spots.
I'll be guiding you.
Never let go of me.
Oh, well
Welcome, ladies and gentlemen.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY
OLIVIA
This is a special day.
The birthday of my daughter.
Olivia.
I want to use this opportunity,
among all these young people,
to move forward.
Forward, stimulating production,
and this is attained by
But it's easy to understand
if we speak about corruption.
-Vieira
-Corruption
That's enough.
That's all. Thank you
for being here today.
And let's make of this a better country.
Thank you very much.
No, that way. Go.
The stairs are that way. There.
Well.
And now, the moment
you've all been waiting for
Please welcome, The Feeble-Minded!
A big round of applause, please!
Who?
Who are they?
Pablo?
What's wrong?
This is madness.
Why?
Can't you see?
A month ago, we played instruments
for the first time in our lives.
Suddenly, we can write music.
You have absolute pitch!
We wrote 12 songs in one night.
It's just unbelievable.
Pablo.
Is that really it?
Or are you afraid of playing live?
Yes, it's true, I'm afraid.
Don't worry.
Sorry for taking Wilson to your place,
and for making a fire in the living room.
It's all right, Pablo.
-I do miss Wilson.
-Yes, what a beautiful dog.
What's wrong, boys?
Good evening, Argentina!
Do you want some rock?
We're giving it to you!
Smoke, please.
Cross-dressing is my life
Cross-dressing is my life
At work, the entire week
I'm Claudio, so pristine
But Thursday nights
I'm known, I'm known as Josephine
Cross, cross-dressing is my life
It's so hard to repress it
I just want to confess it
'Cause cross, cross-dressing is my life
It's so hard to repress it
I just want to confess it
'Cause cross
Come on!
Cross-dressing is my life
Cross-dressing is my life
I'm fed up with people telling me
"Hey, take off that skirt, you freak"
-Howdy? Uh
-Sit down.
Words will never break my bones
I know my legs look hot and toned
-The band, overall
-Kiss me.
Cross, cross-dressing is my life
It's so hard to repress it
I just want to confess it
'Cause cross
Cross-dressing is my life
It's so hard to repress it
I just want to confess it
'Cause cross
Cross-dressing is my life
It's so hard to repress it
I just want to confess it
'Cause cross
A damp stain spreads on the wall
I'm eaten up by boredom
I'm also drop dead gorgeous
It's so hard to be your friend, though
You're a navel-gazing weirdo
To the streets you threw me out
You fucked up my life, there's no doubt
People call you Selfish Bastard
And your surname's Childish-Dastard
You pretend your friendship's golden
But deep down you're truly rotten
You make out like I hurt you
But you're bitter and I know you
I think you just went too far
I take it all back
I can't make music if I'm not with you