Remington Steele (1982) s01e06 Episode Script
Steele Belted
The sanctity of my home has been violated.
Some pervert pranced through my personal possessions.
Probably someone from your sordid past or a jealous husband perhaps.
- Steele here.
- It's Waldo Church.
- Are you the one who went through my apartment? - That was Rubio.
You bought those coins from James Rubio.
Once we smoke him out, you're in the clear.
- Give me a jingle in Brazil.
- What are you doing? The victim always clutches a piece of evidence that ultimately traps the murderer.
So what went wrong? Somebody tipped the D.
A.
's office that you tried to leave the country.
If I hadn't listened to you, I'd be in Brazil now.
- But I assure you, I will do everything in my power - Please! No more help! - Is he - Extremely.
Why do I keep listening to you? I guarantee your exoneration on all charges, Buddy, or my name isn't Remington Steele.
- Your name isn't Remington Steele.
- A mere technicality.
[Laura.]
Try this for a deep, dark secret The great detective Remington Steele? He doesn't exist.
I invented him.
Follow I always loved excitement.
So I studied and apprenticed and put my name on an office.
But absolutely nobody knocked down my door.
A female private investigator seemed so feminine.
So I invented a superior.
A decidedly masculine superior.
Suddenly, there were cases around the block.
It was working like a charm.
Until the day he walked in with his blue eyes and mysterious past.
And before I knew it he assumed Remington Steele's identity.
Now I do the work, and he takes the bows.
It's a dangerous way to live but as long as people buy it I can get thejob done.
We never mix business with pleasure.
Well, almost never.
I don't even know his real name.
[Woman Laughing.]
[Laughter Continues.]
[Steele Sighs, Clears Throat.]
- Did they take anything? - How can you tell? [Groans.]
We mustn't let this put a damper on the evening.
Why don't we check the bedroom? See if anything's missing in there? I can see that all this has made you a little tense.
Actually, I'm a little tense myself.
Why don't we just "un-tense" one another? Then, when we're all nice and relaxed, we can view this in a calm and rational - [Door Slams Shut.]
- Way.
- Is Miss Holt in her office by any chance? - [All Talking At Once.]
Yes.
Yes, yes, yes! Absolutely.
Absolutely.
If you will all make yourself comfortable in my office, I shall be with you momentarily.
This way, madam.
This way, sir.
Thank you very much.
Thank you very much.
Sir, thank you very much.
I love the hat.
Thank you very much indeed.
Yes.
[Growls.]
Wait five minutes, then tell them I was summoned to an urgent meeting with the police commissioner.
No, no, no.
Buddy Shapiro disappeared two days ago.
He left no forwarding address.
But he hasn't tried to contact me in Someone broke into my apart No.
Stay where you are, Murphy.
What have you come up with so far? [Whistling.]
Sounds promising what I can hear of it.
Yeah.
I have a lead on where he might be staying.
I'm gonna follow it up as soon as I get rid of some of the clutter in the office.
- Thanks.
- My apartment was ransacked last night.
- Ransacked? - As far as I can tell, nothing was taken and I have a fine collection of pre-Columbian art, not to mention an extensive collection of impressionist paintings in addition to You can skip the inventory.
The intruder was obviously searching for a piece of information he thinks I have.
- You don't have any information.
- He doesn't know that.
Perhaps the files will give us a clue to what he was after.
We're not working on anything that requires ransacking.
The sanctity of my home has been violated.
Some pervert pranced through my personal possessions.
Probably someone from your sordid past or a jealous husband perhaps.
If you'll excuse me, I have to meet a client.
[Steele Growling.]
Ah! My apologies, but I've just been summoned to an urgent meeting with, uh - The police commissioner.
- Miss Wolfe will attend to your needs until I return.
- [Man.]
Thank you very much.
- Yes.
Thank you.
Aha.
Foxe.
Do you by any chance happen to have a spare key to Laura's file cabinet? - I seem to have misplaced mine.
- That's because you never had one.
- [Mock Chuckling.]
- There's a call for you on six.
- Get a name and number.
- He won't leave a name and number.
He's been calling every day for the past two weeks.
Refuses to speak to anyone but you.
Not that you care, but he's driving me bananas.
[Clears Throat.]
Thank you, Miss Wolfe.
You've done your usual bang-up job.
- Steele here.
- Oh, thank God I reached you.
- Who is this? - It's Waldo Church.
- Who? - The man from last night.
- Are you the one who went through my apartment? - No, of course not.
- That was Rubio.
- Who? He was after the bill of sale, but I still have it.
I can prove Shapiro's innocent.
- Who? - He's trying to kill me, Mr.
Steele.
- Shapiro? - Rubio.
[Sighs, Clears Throat.]
Where are you? I'm in Eagle Rock, the Hotel Saracen.
Just a minute.
Hold on.
Miss Wolfe, do I have any pencils? Thank you.
Where? - Mr.
Shapiro's room, please.
- I'm sorry, but it's against hotel policy to divulge the room numbers of our guests.
Then could you get him on the phone? I'm sorry, but Mr.
Shapiro's not accepting any calls.
I represent the Remington Steele Detective Agency.
I'm glad to see you're keeping busy.
Mr.
Shapiro is a client.
I need to speak to him.
Please feel free to leave a message of any duration.
I'll see that he receives it.
I would like to send some flowers to one of your guests, please a Mr.
Buddy Shapiro.
- [Deliveryman Knocking.]
- [Man.]
Who is it? [Deliveryman.]
Florist shop.
Here you go.
Sign here, please.
- Flowers? - [Laura.]
I hope you like them, Mr.
Shapiro.
They cost the agency $45.
- How'd you find me here? - That's what I do for a living, remember? Yes.
Would you hold on a minute, please? - Mr.
Phillips.
- Miss Holt.
The plane leaves for Rio at 8:15.
- Rio? - I am not waiting around till they throw me in the slammer.
- Yeah.
- You're his lawyer.
Can't you talk some sense into him? - They may revoke his parole.
- I just spent 18 months in prison.
That's enough to last a lifetime, thank you very much.
I hope you packed track shoes, because once you start running, you'll never be able to stop.
You think I wanna spend the rest of my life in Brazil? - I got season tickets to the Dodgers.
- Then why go? Y Yeah.
Good.
Thank you.
Honey, I'm an ex-con.
No matter how rehabilitated I am when you boil away the chicken fat, that's what's left Excuse me.
The cops, the D.
A.
, the press, even the guy on the street 'cause once I was guilty, they think I'm guilty.
You know what utzes me the most? That anybody would think that I'd be stupid enough to deal in hot coins after being sent away for stock manipulation.
You bought those coins from James Rubio.
Once we smoke him out, you're in the clear.
Are you any closer to finding him than you were three weeks ago? - We think he's in San Francisco.
- Wonderful.
If he shows up, give me a jingle in Brazil.
So this is Eagle Rock.
Interesting ambience.
- - [Chattering.]
- Hello? - [Dings.]
[Knocking.]
Mr.
Church? Mr.
Church, it's me, Steele.
[Groans.]
Laura? I'm back.
Welcome home.
Any luck? Somebody wanted us chasing Rubio in San Francisco.
If you ask me, he was never even up there.
Sometimes this is a very discouraging business.
However, I did come up with one piece of information that might prove interesting and I don't think I was supposed to find it.
- [Laura.]
Who's the woman with Rubio? - The ex-Mrs.
Buddy Shapiro.
- Oh.
- That was taken on a cruise to Acapulco.
- Find her, we might find Rubio.
- Well, we have plenty of time.
Shapiro's plane doesn't leave for another five hours.
Mr.
Steele, are you all right? - Hanging by a thread, Miss Wolfe.
- Can I get you anything? My tailor? - What happened to you? - I was on the wrong end of a lamp.
- Sordid past or jealous husband? - [Chuckles.]
Current case.
I was lured to some godforsaken place called Eagle Rock where I was promptly bashed over the head.
Let me see.
- I can't find a There it is.
- [Yelping.]
Lie down on the couch while I soak a washcloth.
- [Steele.]
Do I know someone named Shapiro? - Yes.
- Is he a client? - Yes.
Has he been accused of stealing something? Yeah.
I don't mean to appear brusque, but I'm in no condition to play 20 Questions.
Now, please tell me simply and directly, who the hell is Shapiro? He's been accused of stealing an antique coin collection valued at over $200,000.
But he claims he bought it from a guy named Rubio.
And you are trying to find Rubio.
- Where does Waldo Church fit into this? - He notarized the transaction.
Mm-hmm.
D.
O.
A.
Edmond O'Brien, Pamela Britton.
United Artists, 1949.
- D.
O.
A.
? - Mm-hmm.
It means "dead on arrival.
" I know what it means.
What does it mean? Edmond O'Brien notarized a bill of sale that could prove a man's innocence, then was murdered Never mind Edmond O'Brien.
What about Waldo Church? Well, apparently Mr.
Church is in much the same predicament.
This fellow Rubio is trying to kill him before he can produce that bill of sale.
- How do you know that? - Hmm? Waldo rang me up, wanted to hand over the bill of sale.
- Where is it? - My only souvenir from Eagle Rock is a slight concussion.
- Where in Eagle Rock? - Hotel Saracen.
I'm on my way.
You're going to tell Buddy Shapiro exactly what you just told us.
- I thought I never involved myself directly in a case.
- You're making an exception.
- Come on.
We'll rehearse in the car.
- I have to change.
- No time.
! - Remington Steele never shows up wrinkled.
[Sighs.]
Mr.
Shapiro, may I present Remington Steele.
- [Speaking Yiddish.]
- Is that a technical term? It means "Nothing will help.
" Waldo Church contacted Mr.
Steele.
Isn't that right, sir? - Oh, absolutely.
- You got a bill of sale? - Not quite.
- Then give me one reason why I shouldn't hit the road to Rio.
Go on, sir.
Tell Mr.
Shapiro why you urge him not to go to Brazil.
- Well, for one, the language barrier.
- I'll stop off at Berlitz.
A stagnant economy.
Double-digit inflation.
So long as they can't extradite me, I'll make do.
- Not worth the price.
- Mr.
Steele's making a great deal of sense.
On the other hand, a place like the Bahamas seems ideally suited for your needs.
They speak the Queen's English.
There are myriad tax shelters, all sorts of dummy corporations.
On the other hand, you'd be admitting guilt.
You'd be a fugitive the rest of your life.
Of course, in the Bahamas, even a fugitive can live quite comfortably.
- [Clears Throat Forcefully.]
- Your boss seems a little ambivalent.
What Mr.
Steele means is that no matter how well you live you can never be truly free.
- Excellent point, sir.
- Yes.
Wasn't it? I don't know.
I don't know.
Whether he stays or not, we'd better plan our next move.
Why don't we regroup over dinner? I make it a rule never to go out with clients.
I'm not a client.
My client's a client.
An office seems more appropriate.
Afraid you'll have a smidgen of pleasure along with business? When I'm in the market for pleasure, Mr.
Phillips I want a lot more than a smidgen.
Look, maybe your agency's too high-class for this job.
I'm beginning to think I need someone closer to the streets, more like myself.
- You look like the trust fund type.
- [Steele.]
Beg pardon? You know bed warmers, nannies, summers in the Alps.
- Ever hear of a section of London called Brixton? - Yeah.
The worst.
Three quid gets you a night's lodging or your throat cut.
No jobs, prospect, hopes.
Only two ways out get sent to the nick or snuff it.
Give us a few days to produce that bill of sale.
If we fail I will personally assist you in fleeing to the Bahamas.
I think I could love this man.
We all have special feelings for Mr.
Steele.
- Come on.
I'll buy you a drink.
- [Whispers, Indistinct.]
That stuff about Brixton.
Is it true? I wish I could tell you.
Desk clerk's a big help.
He didn't even know the room was rented.
Well, at least Buddy didn't take off for Brazil.
[Giggles.]
You should've seen him today, Murph.
The quintessential Remington Steele: Charming, persuasive You know, for once I'd like us to have a conversation where his name didn't come up.
He performs a very valuable service for all of us.
I know we need him professionally; that's not what I'm talkin' about.
- He's not gonna change, Laura.
- A return bus ticket to Bakersfield.
The longer you wait around for him to shape up, the more you shut yourself off from the people that really care about you.
I wonder if he got in touch with his wife.
What you need is somebody with the same feelings, the same values somebody you can share things with.
But you're never gonna find that someone until you allow yourself a chance to look.
Laura, I know the bill of sale's important, but have you heard anything I've said to ya? Every word.
And you're absolutely right.
Mr.
Phillips, please.
Laura Holt calling.
Is that dinner invitation still open? Thanks, Murph.
Don't mention it.
[Computerized Beeping.]
[Laughing.]
- This isn't at all what I expected.
- Disappointed? Pleasantly off balance.
I had visions of a sedate French restaurant an informative stroll through an art gallery maybe a Kurosawa retrospective.
That's what I had planned for tomorrow night.
- Well, let's get through this evening first.
- Is that what you're doing? - "Getting through" an evening? - No, I didn't l l No.
- Do you have something going with your boss? - What makes you ask that? The way you look at him.
The way you hang on his every word.
- The way he looks at you.
- Oh.
- How does he look at me? - Erotically.
- Very erotically.
- Really? You hadn't noticed? Ours is purely a professional relationship.
I'm glad, and not for the obvious reason.
- I don't trust your Mr.
Steele.
- Why not? I don't know.
There's something shifty about him a feeling he's not quite what he appears to be.
That's ridiculous.
He He's Remington Steele.
Maybe there's more to your Mr.
Steele than meets the eye.
Creighton, are we going to spend our first evening together talking about him? You're right.
Let's forget about him for tonight.
There's always tomorrow.
- [Descending Beep.]
- Aw, tough luck.
The monster just ate your last man.
[Door Opening.]
[Door Opening.]
Oh, Remington, everything's so tidy.
[Chuckles Softly.]
You've no idea how neatness stimulates me.
- [Keys Rattle.]
- If the rest of the place looks anything like this it could take all night to calm me down.
[Clears Throat.]
Calm already? It's a little crowded in there.
- Is he - Extremely.
- Do you know him? - We had a passing acquaintance.
First the apartment.
Now this.
I never dreamed there were so many unique ways to end an evening.
[Doorbell Rings.]
- Where is he? - The bedroom.
Sorry.
Everything was so tidy.
- Waldo Church, all right.
- [Steele.]
His pockets were stripped bare.
- Are we through in here? - Mm-hmm.
- Anything I can do? - No.
We'll handle it.
- I'll call you in the morning.
- I'll call you in the morning.
Would you be kind enough to see Miss Taplinger home? Of course.
I'll just leave my coat where it is.
Sorry I was forced to interrupt your evening.
- You call the police? - Not yet.
Rubio obviously found that bill of sale.
No doubt you two were discussing the case.
- He's probably destroyed it.
- I know how those business meetings can drag on.
- He sold Buddy those coins wanting him to get caught.
- I called the office.
- You weren't there.
You weren't at your apartment either.
- Why? What's the motive? - What could he gain by having Buddy sent back to prison? - I left a slew of messages.
You really should get one of those little beepers, Laura.
[Sighs.]
Where were you all evening? - At an amusement park.
- Ah, then it was a social liaison.
It's called a date.
It happens quite a lot between men and women.
- I didn't know you went in for that sort of thing.
- Dates? Amusement parks.
I like cotton candy.
Let's call the police.
[Sighs.]
So what went wrong? Somebody tipped the D.
A.
's office that you tried to leave the country.
Now that there's a murder involved, they wanna make sure you stick around.
Terrific.
If I hadn't listened to you, I'd be in Brazil now.
I guarantee your exoneration on all charges, Buddy, or my name isn't Remington Steele.
- Your name isn't Remington Steele.
- A mere technicality.
- Murphy call? - [Bernice.]
Not yet.
The minute he does, shoot him through.
[Sighing.]
[Door Opens.]
This our quarry? From here on out, let the pros handle things.
A man expired in my bedroom.
Don't you think that gives me a vested interest in what happens? Besides, I've grown rather fond of Buddy which is more than I can say for your Mr.
Phillips.
- My Mr.
Phillips? - I don't trust him.
- That's exactly what he said about you.
- Hmm.
Takes one to know one.
He's an extraordinary human being warm, caring, committed.
Did you know he's turning down a partnership in a law firm so he can help those people who can't afford those fat legal fees? Does he also run a home for unwed mothers, or perhaps an orphanage where he personally bathes grimy little tykes? You're wonderfully twisted, magnificently bent.
Just because you think that the shortest distance between two points is an angle doesn't mean that everybody operates that way.
Sounds like you've developed an overpowering lust for cotton candy.
Well, you certainly don't expect me to sit at home while you While I what? Never mind.
My apologies.
Whom you choose to become involved with is none of my business.
I have no claim on your personal life.
- I didn't think you were interested in one.
- Well, it's your rule.
- Never mix business with - Pleasure.
Well, yes, I suppose.
Well, it's not a hard and fast rule.
- [Knocking.]
- Creighton Phillips on one.
[Clears Throat.]
- Thank you.
- For him.
Steele here.
[Phones Ringing.]
My firm has 125 lawyers, half of them pulling strings and you get Buddy released in your custody.
The name Remington Steele has a certain standing in the law enforcement community.
You ever want a job fixing traffic tickets, I could make us a fortune.
Hmm.
I was under the impression material gain held no attraction for you.
- Where did you hear that? - Miss Holt.
She's quite taken with your selflessness.
Well, I'm quite taken with everything about her.
What are your intentions toward her? - What are your intentions in asking? - Oh, professional curiosity.
As her boss, I wouldn't want to see her hurt.
Unhappiness tends to reduce efficiency.
I wouldn't dream of doing anything to reduce her efficiency.
Good.
Because as her friend, I'd take serious exception to anyone who brought her pain.
Is that a threat? It's a word to the wise, Mr.
Phillips.
- I sincerely hope you fall into that category.
- [Buddy.]
Steele.
! - You're a man of your word.
- Mr.
Phillips and I were just discussing that.
Let's get out of here.
[Horn Honks.]
Well, she's practically bought out the entire street.
She's in there right now.
Let's go.
[Chattering.]
I'll handle this.
- Mrs.
Shapiro? - Mm-hmm? My name's Remington Steele.
Perhaps you've heard - of the Remington Steele Detective Agency? - [Screams Wildly.]
- Hey! Hey! - [Screaming Incomprehensibly.]
Ladies! Ladies! Please! You're on Rodeo Drive! It's all right, Mrs.
Shapiro.
No one wants to hurt you.
I know you work for Buddy, so you just go back and tell him to leave us alone! - We're trying to locateJames Rubio.
- James is innocent but Buddy would do anything to ruin my life.
He'd even accuse poorJames of some dumb crime.
All right.
Look.
Maybe he had a little trouble in the past but that's all behind him now.
We're in love, and that shmuts Buddy can't stand the thought that I could be happy without him.
Well, I can and am! Well, the police are afterJames too, Mrs.
Shapiro.
If they find him first, he'll probably be charged with murder.
So if he's innocent, let us help prove it.
[Groans.]
- Can I ask you a question? - Certainly.
- I want you to be honest.
- Absolutely.
Which do you like better, the red or the pink? [Speaking, Indistinct.]
Oh-ho-ho.
- Nice chatting with you.
- We'll just have to stick with her.
Eventually she's got to lead us to Rubio.
[Mrs.
Shapiro Screaming.]
[Whimpering.]
We were goin'to Vegas.
We were gonna get married.
- L I was gonna wear taffeta.
James! - It's okay.
[Steele.]
Thank you.
Thank you.
Take care of her.
- Look at his hand.
- What's the matter with it? - It's clenched in a fist.
- So? - What are you doing? - The victim always clutches a piece of evidence that ultimately traps the murderer.
- Mm.
- What is it? He had a very long lifeline.
[Sighs.]
Why do I keep listening to you? Before, I was only lookin' at five years.
- Now it's murder.
- Buddy, the gun that killed Rubio belonged to you.
I kept that around for protection.
I haven't seen it in weeks.
Unfortunately, yours were the only fingerprints found on it.
I can see where all this might be somewhat disquieting but I assure you, I will do everything in my power Please! No more help! I don't think I could survive it.
[Sighs.]
I appreciate your timely response, Murphy.
You asking me for help's worth a couple of red lights.
I realize we haven't exactly been the best of chums since I arrived on the scene.
You've been rather mistrustful of me, perhaps with some justification.
- [Liquid Pouring.]
- I'll admit my past is a little obscure.
There have been times when I may have taken advantage of my situation here overspent some of the agency's funds on occasion intruded in areas where I didn't belong, a novice.
[Exhales Sharply.]
Is that a fair recital of my deficiencies? Couldn't have said it better myself, though I've tried a few times.
However, we do have one small patch of common ground.
- Oh? - Laura.
- We both care very deeply for her.
- She's a very special lady.
And neither one of us wants to see her hurt or misused.
You're the only one I worry about on that score.
Are you aware that she's involved with Creighton Phillips? - Am I ever.
- What's your assessment ofhim? Seems like an all right guy.
I took the liberty of doing some checking on Mr.
Phillips.
Did you know that he and James Rubio were classmates at Harvard until Rubio was expelled for cheating? And rather than turning down a partnership in his law firm, he was passed over for one? Maybe that's why he's starting his own practice.
In a suite of offices that go for $24 a square foot, which rounds out to 240,000 a year in rent alone? That hardly jibes with the young idealist determined to aid the oppressed and impoverished.
So he's not what he appears to be? [Spoon Clinking.]
I'm familiar with the type.
Now, what does this have to do with Laura getting hurt? Whoever set Rubio up with those stolen coins wanted him returned to prison badly enough to kill the two people that could prove he was innocent.
- Why would Phillips want him put away again? - The motive eludes me at the moment, but the thought of Laura cheek to jowl with a possible murderer gives me the chills.
No motive.
No witnesses.
No hard evidence.
- Got a hell of a case.
- I have a plan.
Now I've got the chills.
[Steele.]
Knife.
Clips.
- You seem to know an awful lot about jumping telephone lines.
- Mm-hmm.
Picked it up from the cinema.
Terrible influence, you know.
- Again.
- Just 'cause we're working together on this does not mean I'll stop trying to send you packing.
Wouldn't have it any other way, Murphy.
Keeps us both on our toes.
You're on.
[Dialing.]
- [Clears Throat.]
- [Telephone Ringing.]
- Gate.
Randall speaking.
- This is Creighton Phillips.
- [Randall.]
Yes, Mr.
Phillips? - I'm expecting a guest this evening: Mr.
Remington Steele.
[Randall.]
Yes, sir.
I'll put him on the list.
Shall we? - Remington Steele for Mr.
Phillips.
- Yes, sir.
You've been cleared.
Follow the drive all the way to the top.
It's the first townhouse on your right.
Nicely done.
Matter of fact, that outfit rather becomes you.
[Clears Throat.]
Don't push it.
[Steele Whispering.]
Ready, set - Okay.
- One, two, three.
- Do sound the horn if anyone happens by.
- Oh, sure.
It'd be a real shame if you had to spend the night in jail.
Yes.
First, I move to dismiss for failure to establish a prima facie case.
Mm-hmm.
You know, it seems to me that there's more here than legal maneuvers, Creighton.
- We should be concentrating on the killer.
- Any candidates? - Well, I'm working on it.
- Well, then I still have to put on a defense for Buddy.
- More coffee? - No, thank you.
[Cat Screeches.]
- What was that? - Sounds like Gome.
Gome? - Gome? - [Gome Growling.]
- Gome, where are you? - [Hissing.]
- [Growling.]
- [Laura.]
Kitty, kitty, kitty.
- Gome, are you under there? - [Gome Howls.]
- [Yelps.]
- [Creighton.]
There you are.
- What's the matter with him? - Maybe he didn't like it up here.
But then he didn't have you to keep him company either.
- [Laura.]
Uh, let's get back to work now.
- Let's take a break.
- [Laura.]
Uh, Creighton - We've been at it for hours.
Don't you think we deserve a little rest? - [Laura.]
You know, we're here to help Buddy.
- Yeah, I know - but I am so tired.
- [Yelps.]
[Creighton.]
I have been trying to think of a way to get you up here all night.
I knew there was a reason I kept that cat around.
[Laura.]
Creighton, now, stop it.
Now, cut it out.
[Creighton.]
Do you know what it's like trying not to smell your perfume? - [Blow Lands.]
- [Grunts.]
Ow.
! [Chuckles.]
All right.
Okay.
All right.
- Business it is.
- Thank you.
[Laura Panting.]
[Sighs.]
If that motion fails, I'll move for a change of venue.
Sorry I'm late.
No one informed me of the meeting.
An oversight, no doubt.
We were just going over the strategy for the preliminary hearing.
Ah.
It seems to me we should be trying to come up with the guilty party.
We're pursuing that, sir, but first we have to Would you be kind enough to jot down some thoughts, Miss Holt? - Mr.
Steele, we realize your desire for justice - Jot.
Yes, sir.
Now, the first requisite for our killer is, of course, a relationship with James Rubio.
- Ivy Shapiro certainly qualifies there.
- Excellent choice.
- Are you saying Ivy killed Rubio? - She was planning to marry him.
That's hardly an ideal motive for murder, sir.
- [Creighton.]
Maybe they had a falling-out.
- No.
No help.
We need someone who knew Rubio a long time ago, so there was no visible connection.
An old college classmate, for instance.
Well, what about the murder weapon? It's Buddy's.
That only means our killer was somebody Buddy trusted someone who had unquestioned entree to his home.
Not going too fast for you, am I, Miss Holt? Well, you could slow down just a bit, sir.
Wouldn't want you to get lost.
[Creighton.]
Buddy's fingerprints were the only ones found on the gun.
- Plastic gloves would've taken care of that.
- [Scoffs.]
What is this mythical killer's motive? Money's usually at the bottom of these things.
Unless it's a crime of passion, a case of extreme, unendurable jealousy brought on by an unfaithful partner.
- I think we can rule that out, sir.
- I certainly hope so.
You know, Ivy Shapiro stood to lose a great deal of alimony when she married Rubio.
Would you stop trying to pin this on my ex-wife? She was a little flaky maybe, rotten taste in men, but she really wasn't a bad broad.
- And definitely not a killer.
- Then who's left? A very frustrated, disappointed fellow.
You see, he counted on being made a partner in his law firm.
When that didn't come to pass, he decided to strike out on his own.
But where would he get the capital to lease offices, hire a staff purchase a suitable residence in which to impress potential clients? [Buddy.]
Wait a minute.
I gave him my power of attorney before I was sent up.
You were stealing me blind, weren't you? You You thought I'd serve the whole five years, didn't you? But I only did 18 months.
And you didn't want me to look at my books.
Is that why you were so hot to get me back inside, huh? You little Creighton.
It won't wash, Steele.
Nothing ties me to those murders.
You know the first thing I noticed about you, Creighton? May I call you Creighton? - No.
- Your hair.
Thick, lustrous, incredibly healthy.
I'm sure the lab will have no trouble matching these strands with your own.
- Where did you get those? - The victim will often clutch a piece of evidence that ultimately traps the murderer.
[Groans.]
[Exhales.]
That was most rewarding, except for one thing.
- What? - I think I broke my hand.
I'm beginning to understand why you chose this line of work, Laura.
It's an exhilarating experience, helping the innocent and apprehending the guilty.
Except for the way you did it.
- James Rubio wasn't clutching anything in his hand.
- Well, he should have been.
How else are we supposed to catch the bad guys if they don't leave any clues? Tell me something.
And I want you to be honest as honest as you can ever be.
If I hadn't been involved with Creighton Phillips would you have gone after him? A good investigator never allows his personal feelings to get in the way of a case.
However, it did distress me to find you fooling around on the bed with a murderer.
- How did you know I was - [Buddy.]
Steele.
! They reinstated my parole, thanks to you, you son of a gun! - All part of the job, Buddy.
- [Buddy.]
Right.
Something else good came out of this.
Our travail has brought us closer together.
- Excellent.
- Come on, sweetheart.
Get in the cab.
- We're gonna give it another whack.
- Safe journey.
- All right.
Come on.
Get in.
- Bye.
- [Engine Revs.]
- Where are they going? - Las Vegas.
Ivy has a brand-new trousseau, reservations in the honeymoon suite and ringside for Sinatra.
What better way to renew a relationship? - How are we supposed to get back to the office? - Ah, I purchased Ivy's car at a substantial savings.
[Exhales.]
For you.
For me? That? You deserve it.
- What about the - Oh, I'm having the entire trunk re-carpeted.
Oh.
Well Ivy would appreciate a check as soon as possible.
[Mews.]
Some pervert pranced through my personal possessions.
Probably someone from your sordid past or a jealous husband perhaps.
- Steele here.
- It's Waldo Church.
- Are you the one who went through my apartment? - That was Rubio.
You bought those coins from James Rubio.
Once we smoke him out, you're in the clear.
- Give me a jingle in Brazil.
- What are you doing? The victim always clutches a piece of evidence that ultimately traps the murderer.
So what went wrong? Somebody tipped the D.
A.
's office that you tried to leave the country.
If I hadn't listened to you, I'd be in Brazil now.
- But I assure you, I will do everything in my power - Please! No more help! - Is he - Extremely.
Why do I keep listening to you? I guarantee your exoneration on all charges, Buddy, or my name isn't Remington Steele.
- Your name isn't Remington Steele.
- A mere technicality.
[Laura.]
Try this for a deep, dark secret The great detective Remington Steele? He doesn't exist.
I invented him.
Follow I always loved excitement.
So I studied and apprenticed and put my name on an office.
But absolutely nobody knocked down my door.
A female private investigator seemed so feminine.
So I invented a superior.
A decidedly masculine superior.
Suddenly, there were cases around the block.
It was working like a charm.
Until the day he walked in with his blue eyes and mysterious past.
And before I knew it he assumed Remington Steele's identity.
Now I do the work, and he takes the bows.
It's a dangerous way to live but as long as people buy it I can get thejob done.
We never mix business with pleasure.
Well, almost never.
I don't even know his real name.
[Woman Laughing.]
[Laughter Continues.]
[Steele Sighs, Clears Throat.]
- Did they take anything? - How can you tell? [Groans.]
We mustn't let this put a damper on the evening.
Why don't we check the bedroom? See if anything's missing in there? I can see that all this has made you a little tense.
Actually, I'm a little tense myself.
Why don't we just "un-tense" one another? Then, when we're all nice and relaxed, we can view this in a calm and rational - [Door Slams Shut.]
- Way.
- Is Miss Holt in her office by any chance? - [All Talking At Once.]
Yes.
Yes, yes, yes! Absolutely.
Absolutely.
If you will all make yourself comfortable in my office, I shall be with you momentarily.
This way, madam.
This way, sir.
Thank you very much.
Thank you very much.
Sir, thank you very much.
I love the hat.
Thank you very much indeed.
Yes.
[Growls.]
Wait five minutes, then tell them I was summoned to an urgent meeting with the police commissioner.
No, no, no.
Buddy Shapiro disappeared two days ago.
He left no forwarding address.
But he hasn't tried to contact me in Someone broke into my apart No.
Stay where you are, Murphy.
What have you come up with so far? [Whistling.]
Sounds promising what I can hear of it.
Yeah.
I have a lead on where he might be staying.
I'm gonna follow it up as soon as I get rid of some of the clutter in the office.
- Thanks.
- My apartment was ransacked last night.
- Ransacked? - As far as I can tell, nothing was taken and I have a fine collection of pre-Columbian art, not to mention an extensive collection of impressionist paintings in addition to You can skip the inventory.
The intruder was obviously searching for a piece of information he thinks I have.
- You don't have any information.
- He doesn't know that.
Perhaps the files will give us a clue to what he was after.
We're not working on anything that requires ransacking.
The sanctity of my home has been violated.
Some pervert pranced through my personal possessions.
Probably someone from your sordid past or a jealous husband perhaps.
If you'll excuse me, I have to meet a client.
[Steele Growling.]
Ah! My apologies, but I've just been summoned to an urgent meeting with, uh - The police commissioner.
- Miss Wolfe will attend to your needs until I return.
- [Man.]
Thank you very much.
- Yes.
Thank you.
Aha.
Foxe.
Do you by any chance happen to have a spare key to Laura's file cabinet? - I seem to have misplaced mine.
- That's because you never had one.
- [Mock Chuckling.]
- There's a call for you on six.
- Get a name and number.
- He won't leave a name and number.
He's been calling every day for the past two weeks.
Refuses to speak to anyone but you.
Not that you care, but he's driving me bananas.
[Clears Throat.]
Thank you, Miss Wolfe.
You've done your usual bang-up job.
- Steele here.
- Oh, thank God I reached you.
- Who is this? - It's Waldo Church.
- Who? - The man from last night.
- Are you the one who went through my apartment? - No, of course not.
- That was Rubio.
- Who? He was after the bill of sale, but I still have it.
I can prove Shapiro's innocent.
- Who? - He's trying to kill me, Mr.
Steele.
- Shapiro? - Rubio.
[Sighs, Clears Throat.]
Where are you? I'm in Eagle Rock, the Hotel Saracen.
Just a minute.
Hold on.
Miss Wolfe, do I have any pencils? Thank you.
Where? - Mr.
Shapiro's room, please.
- I'm sorry, but it's against hotel policy to divulge the room numbers of our guests.
Then could you get him on the phone? I'm sorry, but Mr.
Shapiro's not accepting any calls.
I represent the Remington Steele Detective Agency.
I'm glad to see you're keeping busy.
Mr.
Shapiro is a client.
I need to speak to him.
Please feel free to leave a message of any duration.
I'll see that he receives it.
I would like to send some flowers to one of your guests, please a Mr.
Buddy Shapiro.
- [Deliveryman Knocking.]
- [Man.]
Who is it? [Deliveryman.]
Florist shop.
Here you go.
Sign here, please.
- Flowers? - [Laura.]
I hope you like them, Mr.
Shapiro.
They cost the agency $45.
- How'd you find me here? - That's what I do for a living, remember? Yes.
Would you hold on a minute, please? - Mr.
Phillips.
- Miss Holt.
The plane leaves for Rio at 8:15.
- Rio? - I am not waiting around till they throw me in the slammer.
- Yeah.
- You're his lawyer.
Can't you talk some sense into him? - They may revoke his parole.
- I just spent 18 months in prison.
That's enough to last a lifetime, thank you very much.
I hope you packed track shoes, because once you start running, you'll never be able to stop.
You think I wanna spend the rest of my life in Brazil? - I got season tickets to the Dodgers.
- Then why go? Y Yeah.
Good.
Thank you.
Honey, I'm an ex-con.
No matter how rehabilitated I am when you boil away the chicken fat, that's what's left Excuse me.
The cops, the D.
A.
, the press, even the guy on the street 'cause once I was guilty, they think I'm guilty.
You know what utzes me the most? That anybody would think that I'd be stupid enough to deal in hot coins after being sent away for stock manipulation.
You bought those coins from James Rubio.
Once we smoke him out, you're in the clear.
Are you any closer to finding him than you were three weeks ago? - We think he's in San Francisco.
- Wonderful.
If he shows up, give me a jingle in Brazil.
So this is Eagle Rock.
Interesting ambience.
- - [Chattering.]
- Hello? - [Dings.]
[Knocking.]
Mr.
Church? Mr.
Church, it's me, Steele.
[Groans.]
Laura? I'm back.
Welcome home.
Any luck? Somebody wanted us chasing Rubio in San Francisco.
If you ask me, he was never even up there.
Sometimes this is a very discouraging business.
However, I did come up with one piece of information that might prove interesting and I don't think I was supposed to find it.
- [Laura.]
Who's the woman with Rubio? - The ex-Mrs.
Buddy Shapiro.
- Oh.
- That was taken on a cruise to Acapulco.
- Find her, we might find Rubio.
- Well, we have plenty of time.
Shapiro's plane doesn't leave for another five hours.
Mr.
Steele, are you all right? - Hanging by a thread, Miss Wolfe.
- Can I get you anything? My tailor? - What happened to you? - I was on the wrong end of a lamp.
- Sordid past or jealous husband? - [Chuckles.]
Current case.
I was lured to some godforsaken place called Eagle Rock where I was promptly bashed over the head.
Let me see.
- I can't find a There it is.
- [Yelping.]
Lie down on the couch while I soak a washcloth.
- [Steele.]
Do I know someone named Shapiro? - Yes.
- Is he a client? - Yes.
Has he been accused of stealing something? Yeah.
I don't mean to appear brusque, but I'm in no condition to play 20 Questions.
Now, please tell me simply and directly, who the hell is Shapiro? He's been accused of stealing an antique coin collection valued at over $200,000.
But he claims he bought it from a guy named Rubio.
And you are trying to find Rubio.
- Where does Waldo Church fit into this? - He notarized the transaction.
Mm-hmm.
D.
O.
A.
Edmond O'Brien, Pamela Britton.
United Artists, 1949.
- D.
O.
A.
? - Mm-hmm.
It means "dead on arrival.
" I know what it means.
What does it mean? Edmond O'Brien notarized a bill of sale that could prove a man's innocence, then was murdered Never mind Edmond O'Brien.
What about Waldo Church? Well, apparently Mr.
Church is in much the same predicament.
This fellow Rubio is trying to kill him before he can produce that bill of sale.
- How do you know that? - Hmm? Waldo rang me up, wanted to hand over the bill of sale.
- Where is it? - My only souvenir from Eagle Rock is a slight concussion.
- Where in Eagle Rock? - Hotel Saracen.
I'm on my way.
You're going to tell Buddy Shapiro exactly what you just told us.
- I thought I never involved myself directly in a case.
- You're making an exception.
- Come on.
We'll rehearse in the car.
- I have to change.
- No time.
! - Remington Steele never shows up wrinkled.
[Sighs.]
Mr.
Shapiro, may I present Remington Steele.
- [Speaking Yiddish.]
- Is that a technical term? It means "Nothing will help.
" Waldo Church contacted Mr.
Steele.
Isn't that right, sir? - Oh, absolutely.
- You got a bill of sale? - Not quite.
- Then give me one reason why I shouldn't hit the road to Rio.
Go on, sir.
Tell Mr.
Shapiro why you urge him not to go to Brazil.
- Well, for one, the language barrier.
- I'll stop off at Berlitz.
A stagnant economy.
Double-digit inflation.
So long as they can't extradite me, I'll make do.
- Not worth the price.
- Mr.
Steele's making a great deal of sense.
On the other hand, a place like the Bahamas seems ideally suited for your needs.
They speak the Queen's English.
There are myriad tax shelters, all sorts of dummy corporations.
On the other hand, you'd be admitting guilt.
You'd be a fugitive the rest of your life.
Of course, in the Bahamas, even a fugitive can live quite comfortably.
- [Clears Throat Forcefully.]
- Your boss seems a little ambivalent.
What Mr.
Steele means is that no matter how well you live you can never be truly free.
- Excellent point, sir.
- Yes.
Wasn't it? I don't know.
I don't know.
Whether he stays or not, we'd better plan our next move.
Why don't we regroup over dinner? I make it a rule never to go out with clients.
I'm not a client.
My client's a client.
An office seems more appropriate.
Afraid you'll have a smidgen of pleasure along with business? When I'm in the market for pleasure, Mr.
Phillips I want a lot more than a smidgen.
Look, maybe your agency's too high-class for this job.
I'm beginning to think I need someone closer to the streets, more like myself.
- You look like the trust fund type.
- [Steele.]
Beg pardon? You know bed warmers, nannies, summers in the Alps.
- Ever hear of a section of London called Brixton? - Yeah.
The worst.
Three quid gets you a night's lodging or your throat cut.
No jobs, prospect, hopes.
Only two ways out get sent to the nick or snuff it.
Give us a few days to produce that bill of sale.
If we fail I will personally assist you in fleeing to the Bahamas.
I think I could love this man.
We all have special feelings for Mr.
Steele.
- Come on.
I'll buy you a drink.
- [Whispers, Indistinct.]
That stuff about Brixton.
Is it true? I wish I could tell you.
Desk clerk's a big help.
He didn't even know the room was rented.
Well, at least Buddy didn't take off for Brazil.
[Giggles.]
You should've seen him today, Murph.
The quintessential Remington Steele: Charming, persuasive You know, for once I'd like us to have a conversation where his name didn't come up.
He performs a very valuable service for all of us.
I know we need him professionally; that's not what I'm talkin' about.
- He's not gonna change, Laura.
- A return bus ticket to Bakersfield.
The longer you wait around for him to shape up, the more you shut yourself off from the people that really care about you.
I wonder if he got in touch with his wife.
What you need is somebody with the same feelings, the same values somebody you can share things with.
But you're never gonna find that someone until you allow yourself a chance to look.
Laura, I know the bill of sale's important, but have you heard anything I've said to ya? Every word.
And you're absolutely right.
Mr.
Phillips, please.
Laura Holt calling.
Is that dinner invitation still open? Thanks, Murph.
Don't mention it.
[Computerized Beeping.]
[Laughing.]
- This isn't at all what I expected.
- Disappointed? Pleasantly off balance.
I had visions of a sedate French restaurant an informative stroll through an art gallery maybe a Kurosawa retrospective.
That's what I had planned for tomorrow night.
- Well, let's get through this evening first.
- Is that what you're doing? - "Getting through" an evening? - No, I didn't l l No.
- Do you have something going with your boss? - What makes you ask that? The way you look at him.
The way you hang on his every word.
- The way he looks at you.
- Oh.
- How does he look at me? - Erotically.
- Very erotically.
- Really? You hadn't noticed? Ours is purely a professional relationship.
I'm glad, and not for the obvious reason.
- I don't trust your Mr.
Steele.
- Why not? I don't know.
There's something shifty about him a feeling he's not quite what he appears to be.
That's ridiculous.
He He's Remington Steele.
Maybe there's more to your Mr.
Steele than meets the eye.
Creighton, are we going to spend our first evening together talking about him? You're right.
Let's forget about him for tonight.
There's always tomorrow.
- [Descending Beep.]
- Aw, tough luck.
The monster just ate your last man.
[Door Opening.]
[Door Opening.]
Oh, Remington, everything's so tidy.
[Chuckles Softly.]
You've no idea how neatness stimulates me.
- [Keys Rattle.]
- If the rest of the place looks anything like this it could take all night to calm me down.
[Clears Throat.]
Calm already? It's a little crowded in there.
- Is he - Extremely.
- Do you know him? - We had a passing acquaintance.
First the apartment.
Now this.
I never dreamed there were so many unique ways to end an evening.
[Doorbell Rings.]
- Where is he? - The bedroom.
Sorry.
Everything was so tidy.
- Waldo Church, all right.
- [Steele.]
His pockets were stripped bare.
- Are we through in here? - Mm-hmm.
- Anything I can do? - No.
We'll handle it.
- I'll call you in the morning.
- I'll call you in the morning.
Would you be kind enough to see Miss Taplinger home? Of course.
I'll just leave my coat where it is.
Sorry I was forced to interrupt your evening.
- You call the police? - Not yet.
Rubio obviously found that bill of sale.
No doubt you two were discussing the case.
- He's probably destroyed it.
- I know how those business meetings can drag on.
- He sold Buddy those coins wanting him to get caught.
- I called the office.
- You weren't there.
You weren't at your apartment either.
- Why? What's the motive? - What could he gain by having Buddy sent back to prison? - I left a slew of messages.
You really should get one of those little beepers, Laura.
[Sighs.]
Where were you all evening? - At an amusement park.
- Ah, then it was a social liaison.
It's called a date.
It happens quite a lot between men and women.
- I didn't know you went in for that sort of thing.
- Dates? Amusement parks.
I like cotton candy.
Let's call the police.
[Sighs.]
So what went wrong? Somebody tipped the D.
A.
's office that you tried to leave the country.
Now that there's a murder involved, they wanna make sure you stick around.
Terrific.
If I hadn't listened to you, I'd be in Brazil now.
I guarantee your exoneration on all charges, Buddy, or my name isn't Remington Steele.
- Your name isn't Remington Steele.
- A mere technicality.
- Murphy call? - [Bernice.]
Not yet.
The minute he does, shoot him through.
[Sighing.]
[Door Opens.]
This our quarry? From here on out, let the pros handle things.
A man expired in my bedroom.
Don't you think that gives me a vested interest in what happens? Besides, I've grown rather fond of Buddy which is more than I can say for your Mr.
Phillips.
- My Mr.
Phillips? - I don't trust him.
- That's exactly what he said about you.
- Hmm.
Takes one to know one.
He's an extraordinary human being warm, caring, committed.
Did you know he's turning down a partnership in a law firm so he can help those people who can't afford those fat legal fees? Does he also run a home for unwed mothers, or perhaps an orphanage where he personally bathes grimy little tykes? You're wonderfully twisted, magnificently bent.
Just because you think that the shortest distance between two points is an angle doesn't mean that everybody operates that way.
Sounds like you've developed an overpowering lust for cotton candy.
Well, you certainly don't expect me to sit at home while you While I what? Never mind.
My apologies.
Whom you choose to become involved with is none of my business.
I have no claim on your personal life.
- I didn't think you were interested in one.
- Well, it's your rule.
- Never mix business with - Pleasure.
Well, yes, I suppose.
Well, it's not a hard and fast rule.
- [Knocking.]
- Creighton Phillips on one.
[Clears Throat.]
- Thank you.
- For him.
Steele here.
[Phones Ringing.]
My firm has 125 lawyers, half of them pulling strings and you get Buddy released in your custody.
The name Remington Steele has a certain standing in the law enforcement community.
You ever want a job fixing traffic tickets, I could make us a fortune.
Hmm.
I was under the impression material gain held no attraction for you.
- Where did you hear that? - Miss Holt.
She's quite taken with your selflessness.
Well, I'm quite taken with everything about her.
What are your intentions toward her? - What are your intentions in asking? - Oh, professional curiosity.
As her boss, I wouldn't want to see her hurt.
Unhappiness tends to reduce efficiency.
I wouldn't dream of doing anything to reduce her efficiency.
Good.
Because as her friend, I'd take serious exception to anyone who brought her pain.
Is that a threat? It's a word to the wise, Mr.
Phillips.
- I sincerely hope you fall into that category.
- [Buddy.]
Steele.
! - You're a man of your word.
- Mr.
Phillips and I were just discussing that.
Let's get out of here.
[Horn Honks.]
Well, she's practically bought out the entire street.
She's in there right now.
Let's go.
[Chattering.]
I'll handle this.
- Mrs.
Shapiro? - Mm-hmm? My name's Remington Steele.
Perhaps you've heard - of the Remington Steele Detective Agency? - [Screams Wildly.]
- Hey! Hey! - [Screaming Incomprehensibly.]
Ladies! Ladies! Please! You're on Rodeo Drive! It's all right, Mrs.
Shapiro.
No one wants to hurt you.
I know you work for Buddy, so you just go back and tell him to leave us alone! - We're trying to locateJames Rubio.
- James is innocent but Buddy would do anything to ruin my life.
He'd even accuse poorJames of some dumb crime.
All right.
Look.
Maybe he had a little trouble in the past but that's all behind him now.
We're in love, and that shmuts Buddy can't stand the thought that I could be happy without him.
Well, I can and am! Well, the police are afterJames too, Mrs.
Shapiro.
If they find him first, he'll probably be charged with murder.
So if he's innocent, let us help prove it.
[Groans.]
- Can I ask you a question? - Certainly.
- I want you to be honest.
- Absolutely.
Which do you like better, the red or the pink? [Speaking, Indistinct.]
Oh-ho-ho.
- Nice chatting with you.
- We'll just have to stick with her.
Eventually she's got to lead us to Rubio.
[Mrs.
Shapiro Screaming.]
[Whimpering.]
We were goin'to Vegas.
We were gonna get married.
- L I was gonna wear taffeta.
James! - It's okay.
[Steele.]
Thank you.
Thank you.
Take care of her.
- Look at his hand.
- What's the matter with it? - It's clenched in a fist.
- So? - What are you doing? - The victim always clutches a piece of evidence that ultimately traps the murderer.
- Mm.
- What is it? He had a very long lifeline.
[Sighs.]
Why do I keep listening to you? Before, I was only lookin' at five years.
- Now it's murder.
- Buddy, the gun that killed Rubio belonged to you.
I kept that around for protection.
I haven't seen it in weeks.
Unfortunately, yours were the only fingerprints found on it.
I can see where all this might be somewhat disquieting but I assure you, I will do everything in my power Please! No more help! I don't think I could survive it.
[Sighs.]
I appreciate your timely response, Murphy.
You asking me for help's worth a couple of red lights.
I realize we haven't exactly been the best of chums since I arrived on the scene.
You've been rather mistrustful of me, perhaps with some justification.
- [Liquid Pouring.]
- I'll admit my past is a little obscure.
There have been times when I may have taken advantage of my situation here overspent some of the agency's funds on occasion intruded in areas where I didn't belong, a novice.
[Exhales Sharply.]
Is that a fair recital of my deficiencies? Couldn't have said it better myself, though I've tried a few times.
However, we do have one small patch of common ground.
- Oh? - Laura.
- We both care very deeply for her.
- She's a very special lady.
And neither one of us wants to see her hurt or misused.
You're the only one I worry about on that score.
Are you aware that she's involved with Creighton Phillips? - Am I ever.
- What's your assessment ofhim? Seems like an all right guy.
I took the liberty of doing some checking on Mr.
Phillips.
Did you know that he and James Rubio were classmates at Harvard until Rubio was expelled for cheating? And rather than turning down a partnership in his law firm, he was passed over for one? Maybe that's why he's starting his own practice.
In a suite of offices that go for $24 a square foot, which rounds out to 240,000 a year in rent alone? That hardly jibes with the young idealist determined to aid the oppressed and impoverished.
So he's not what he appears to be? [Spoon Clinking.]
I'm familiar with the type.
Now, what does this have to do with Laura getting hurt? Whoever set Rubio up with those stolen coins wanted him returned to prison badly enough to kill the two people that could prove he was innocent.
- Why would Phillips want him put away again? - The motive eludes me at the moment, but the thought of Laura cheek to jowl with a possible murderer gives me the chills.
No motive.
No witnesses.
No hard evidence.
- Got a hell of a case.
- I have a plan.
Now I've got the chills.
[Steele.]
Knife.
Clips.
- You seem to know an awful lot about jumping telephone lines.
- Mm-hmm.
Picked it up from the cinema.
Terrible influence, you know.
- Again.
- Just 'cause we're working together on this does not mean I'll stop trying to send you packing.
Wouldn't have it any other way, Murphy.
Keeps us both on our toes.
You're on.
[Dialing.]
- [Clears Throat.]
- [Telephone Ringing.]
- Gate.
Randall speaking.
- This is Creighton Phillips.
- [Randall.]
Yes, Mr.
Phillips? - I'm expecting a guest this evening: Mr.
Remington Steele.
[Randall.]
Yes, sir.
I'll put him on the list.
Shall we? - Remington Steele for Mr.
Phillips.
- Yes, sir.
You've been cleared.
Follow the drive all the way to the top.
It's the first townhouse on your right.
Nicely done.
Matter of fact, that outfit rather becomes you.
[Clears Throat.]
Don't push it.
[Steele Whispering.]
Ready, set - Okay.
- One, two, three.
- Do sound the horn if anyone happens by.
- Oh, sure.
It'd be a real shame if you had to spend the night in jail.
Yes.
First, I move to dismiss for failure to establish a prima facie case.
Mm-hmm.
You know, it seems to me that there's more here than legal maneuvers, Creighton.
- We should be concentrating on the killer.
- Any candidates? - Well, I'm working on it.
- Well, then I still have to put on a defense for Buddy.
- More coffee? - No, thank you.
[Cat Screeches.]
- What was that? - Sounds like Gome.
Gome? - Gome? - [Gome Growling.]
- Gome, where are you? - [Hissing.]
- [Growling.]
- [Laura.]
Kitty, kitty, kitty.
- Gome, are you under there? - [Gome Howls.]
- [Yelps.]
- [Creighton.]
There you are.
- What's the matter with him? - Maybe he didn't like it up here.
But then he didn't have you to keep him company either.
- [Laura.]
Uh, let's get back to work now.
- Let's take a break.
- [Laura.]
Uh, Creighton - We've been at it for hours.
Don't you think we deserve a little rest? - [Laura.]
You know, we're here to help Buddy.
- Yeah, I know - but I am so tired.
- [Yelps.]
[Creighton.]
I have been trying to think of a way to get you up here all night.
I knew there was a reason I kept that cat around.
[Laura.]
Creighton, now, stop it.
Now, cut it out.
[Creighton.]
Do you know what it's like trying not to smell your perfume? - [Blow Lands.]
- [Grunts.]
Ow.
! [Chuckles.]
All right.
Okay.
All right.
- Business it is.
- Thank you.
[Laura Panting.]
[Sighs.]
If that motion fails, I'll move for a change of venue.
Sorry I'm late.
No one informed me of the meeting.
An oversight, no doubt.
We were just going over the strategy for the preliminary hearing.
Ah.
It seems to me we should be trying to come up with the guilty party.
We're pursuing that, sir, but first we have to Would you be kind enough to jot down some thoughts, Miss Holt? - Mr.
Steele, we realize your desire for justice - Jot.
Yes, sir.
Now, the first requisite for our killer is, of course, a relationship with James Rubio.
- Ivy Shapiro certainly qualifies there.
- Excellent choice.
- Are you saying Ivy killed Rubio? - She was planning to marry him.
That's hardly an ideal motive for murder, sir.
- [Creighton.]
Maybe they had a falling-out.
- No.
No help.
We need someone who knew Rubio a long time ago, so there was no visible connection.
An old college classmate, for instance.
Well, what about the murder weapon? It's Buddy's.
That only means our killer was somebody Buddy trusted someone who had unquestioned entree to his home.
Not going too fast for you, am I, Miss Holt? Well, you could slow down just a bit, sir.
Wouldn't want you to get lost.
[Creighton.]
Buddy's fingerprints were the only ones found on the gun.
- Plastic gloves would've taken care of that.
- [Scoffs.]
What is this mythical killer's motive? Money's usually at the bottom of these things.
Unless it's a crime of passion, a case of extreme, unendurable jealousy brought on by an unfaithful partner.
- I think we can rule that out, sir.
- I certainly hope so.
You know, Ivy Shapiro stood to lose a great deal of alimony when she married Rubio.
Would you stop trying to pin this on my ex-wife? She was a little flaky maybe, rotten taste in men, but she really wasn't a bad broad.
- And definitely not a killer.
- Then who's left? A very frustrated, disappointed fellow.
You see, he counted on being made a partner in his law firm.
When that didn't come to pass, he decided to strike out on his own.
But where would he get the capital to lease offices, hire a staff purchase a suitable residence in which to impress potential clients? [Buddy.]
Wait a minute.
I gave him my power of attorney before I was sent up.
You were stealing me blind, weren't you? You You thought I'd serve the whole five years, didn't you? But I only did 18 months.
And you didn't want me to look at my books.
Is that why you were so hot to get me back inside, huh? You little Creighton.
It won't wash, Steele.
Nothing ties me to those murders.
You know the first thing I noticed about you, Creighton? May I call you Creighton? - No.
- Your hair.
Thick, lustrous, incredibly healthy.
I'm sure the lab will have no trouble matching these strands with your own.
- Where did you get those? - The victim will often clutch a piece of evidence that ultimately traps the murderer.
[Groans.]
[Exhales.]
That was most rewarding, except for one thing.
- What? - I think I broke my hand.
I'm beginning to understand why you chose this line of work, Laura.
It's an exhilarating experience, helping the innocent and apprehending the guilty.
Except for the way you did it.
- James Rubio wasn't clutching anything in his hand.
- Well, he should have been.
How else are we supposed to catch the bad guys if they don't leave any clues? Tell me something.
And I want you to be honest as honest as you can ever be.
If I hadn't been involved with Creighton Phillips would you have gone after him? A good investigator never allows his personal feelings to get in the way of a case.
However, it did distress me to find you fooling around on the bed with a murderer.
- How did you know I was - [Buddy.]
Steele.
! They reinstated my parole, thanks to you, you son of a gun! - All part of the job, Buddy.
- [Buddy.]
Right.
Something else good came out of this.
Our travail has brought us closer together.
- Excellent.
- Come on, sweetheart.
Get in the cab.
- We're gonna give it another whack.
- Safe journey.
- All right.
Come on.
Get in.
- Bye.
- [Engine Revs.]
- Where are they going? - Las Vegas.
Ivy has a brand-new trousseau, reservations in the honeymoon suite and ringside for Sinatra.
What better way to renew a relationship? - How are we supposed to get back to the office? - Ah, I purchased Ivy's car at a substantial savings.
[Exhales.]
For you.
For me? That? You deserve it.
- What about the - Oh, I'm having the entire trunk re-carpeted.
Oh.
Well Ivy would appreciate a check as soon as possible.
[Mews.]