Retrograde (2020) s01e06 Episode Script

1
What's happening, Boss?
Singapore just closed
our Austra-Asia branch.
And you know what you need, Maddie?
A kite flyer.
That's Rob, right? Or Dylan.
Are you back in Australia?
VJ's a cracker.
I haven't met Maddie's parents yet.
Maddie, you just sent that
to the group.
Just get out, Dylan.
You've all been locked inside for,
what, six weeks and you've gone mad?
You know this is my life.
Soph
No. No. No.
Laters, haters.
Um that was Dad.
Mum's been taken to the ICU.
Maddie.
Are you outside the apartment?!
Maddie, can you just come down,
please?
(DOOR BUZZES)
What is he doing here?
I have no idea.
I just need one minute.
One minute, please.
How does he know where we live?
Maybe he's in trouble.
I mean, he's an alcoholic.
Right.
You obviously want to go down there.
So don't let me stop you.
No. That is not what I want.
(DINGING)
What do you want Maddie?
(DOORBELL BUZZES)
Leave me alone. Not you.
Yeah. Clearly.
Fuck.
Maddie
It's Lou. She's dead.
Right now, now
Now
Right now
Right now
Now
Right now
Now
Right now
Now
Now, now
Right now
Now
Right now, now
Now
Right now. ♪
What's up guys?
Someone die?
Ah, Rams, how are you?
Drink.
Oh. Are we really doing this?
Mmm.
I think we're going to need
a lot more booze.
No. The email was very clear.
No leading questions.
No puppy dog eyes.
No sympathetic tones.
My wake, my rules.
But I just want to know how you are.
Drink! Another drink.
Keep going, we can do this all day.
But seriously, I'm really
disappointed in all of you.
Black?
What kind of basic bitch convention
is this?
Give Lou some colour for fuck sake.
Come on!
OK.
You're moving?
Surprise.
We clearly have a lot
to catch up on.
How was living with your dad?
Nuh. Drink.
Depresso martini.
Their internet connection
is, like, nonexistent.
I don't know how they live.
Well, I guess they don't.
Don't.
It's how we are doing this, deal?
Deal.
Uh-hah. Come through wake-chella.
This is what I call
making an effort.
Mmm. The flower crown,
and Dylan's statement eye look.
Yes. What is going on
with Dylan's eye, Maddie?
Um
Snap.
Do you guys have the same stylist?
Maya's got great taste.
Rams, question.
On notice with no leading intent
or sympathy.
How was the funeral?
Very exclusive.
Only 10 people allowed,
no hugging, no touching.
Just like a regular family reunion.
That eye, though.
Oh, yeah. I Thought it would
match the dress code.
I'm going for the smoky eye look.
So, Rams, how was the eulogy?
Mmm. It was great.
I just did a freestyle rap.
Really?
No, go fuck yourself.
I know sentimentality
is not my thing
and what I'm known for,
but I think it kind of worked.
Can we hear it?
Yeah. OK.
I'll read it.
But any tears and I'm logging off.
Right?
OK.
Welcome to the inaugural meeting
of people who Lou Jones
called a cunt.
(CHUCKLING)
If there is anything that Mum
taught me, it's forgiveness.
So today I'm going
to talk about that.
Mum, I forgive you
for making every Christmas
a stage for your unprocessed anger.
I forgive you for throwing
a sausage roll at the principal
at my Grade 2 working bee.
You were wrong,
he didn't have it coming.
But great shot, it was worth it.
Classic Lou.
Mum, let's be honest,
you were always a fuck up.
You even fucked up staying alive.
This world is packed with people
who are full of shit.
And you weren't.
That's it.
To Lou.
To Lou.
ALL: To Lou.
OK. Now, let's get wasted
like your mum just died
and tomorrow you have to figure out
how to put her Facebook
into memorial mode.
Whoo.
That is the plan, Rams,
but before that, we've got
a little surprise for today.
For you. Well, for Lou.
Oooohh strippers?
I wish.
Maybe later.
Oohhh
And you may ask yourself
What is that beautiful house?
You may ask yourself
Where does that highway go?
And you may ask yourself
Am I right, am I wrong?
And you may say to yourself
My God,
What have I done?
Letting the days go by
Let the water hold me down
Letting the days go by
Water flowing underground
Into the blue again
After the money's gone
Once in a lifetime
Water flowing underground
Same as it ever was
Same as it ever was
Same as it ever was
Same. ♪
Ooh, oooh, ooh
Ooh, ooh, ooh ♪
Oh, I thought I told you no tears.
OK. Next on the itinerary,
Rob and Dylan,
you have to lip-sync
for Lou's li-i-i-fe.
(LAUGHTER)
Yes.
Romulus.
Thank you. Thank you.
And that was my acroballet routine
upon Sophie's request.
Thank you.
Now I'm off to get some more drinks.
He's going to totally crash
after this, right?
I mean, the grief, adrenaline,
that's gonna peter out eventually.
Yeah. I think we all need to be
on 24-hour Rams care.
Um, Soph
..about the other night
..we've been absolute shitheads.
Yeah.
Through this whole pandemic.
Actually, before that really.
I guess when you got sick,
Soph, we didn't realise
that, um
I wouldn't get better?
Well
Yeah. Neither did I.
Chronic illness, it is a head fuck.
OK.
Like, I can't believe
I'm gonna ask this, but
let's fail the Bechdel test
together.
Maddie, what the hell happened
the other night?
Arrgh! Wait for me!
Really? Here? Now?
The email strictly said
no non-Ramsay-related drama allowed.
Yes, here. Yes, now.
This is Ramsay related.
I'm pretty upset you dumped Rob
without telling me,
that break-up was kinda my thing.
Well, actually, he dumped me.
Scandalo! The pushover pushed back.
Where are you going to go?
Oh, Glen's got an empty Airbnb.
If the ATO turn up, I just have to
pretend I'm a squatter.
OK. And now
what about the black eye?
Mmm.
Did Rob punch Dylan?
No.
What?! Dammit.
I mean, yes. Good. Toxic
masculinity, that is the worst.
Isn't it?
So, is Dylan back on the menu?
Didn't you spit that leftover out?
Earth to Maddie?
Does Dyl's dickle
still tickle your pickle?
Guys, I have to make a call.
Um. Yeah I'll just be a minute.
It's Dyldo, isn't it?
I'll just be one minute.
You have to tell me,
'cause you know my mum just died.
Finally.
Hey.
Hey, yourself.
Look. I'm sorry
about the other night.
But you can't keep doing this to me.
What?
You've really been
fucking with my head.
I have been fucking with YOUR head?
See, Ingrid thinks that
you're afraid of commitment
and so you're drawn to someone
who's more afraid than you are.
And that's you?
Who the fuck's Ingrid, anyway?
What happened to Katia?
Ingrid's my sponsor.
OK. Well, maybe you could get Ingrid
to give me a call,
so she can run me through
her thoughts on my life decisions.
Right. Well, see
the thing about Ingrid is,
I don't agree with what she says
almost ever.
In fact
I've tried to get a new sponsor
but apparently
you can't just trade them in.
It's a shame.
OK. Cool. Cool. Cool.
What has this
got to do with Ramsay?
Come to Melbourne with me.
What?
Going to London and leaving you was
the dumbest thing I've ever done.
And I've done some dumb shit.
What are you talking about?
I've got Mum's old Mazda,
I'm packing it right now,
and we're going to
drive to Melbourne tonight.
We can help Ramsay
with his funeral come-down.
Why not?
You don't have a job.
You don't have any family here.
And Rob is clearly a dumb idiot.
He's not an idiot. In fact he's
literally the opposite of idiot.
Well, he let you run away.
I'm not running away, Dylan.
I don't just run away
when things get complicated.
South Korea, much?
That is not what that was about.
I know you, Maddie.
We are exactly the same.
But this time
we'll be running together.
Or maybe a light jog.
Or a pleasant stroll.
If you will.
What happened to your eye?
Well, I was trying to save
this damsel in distress
atop an ivory tower
and her rich-arse boyfriend
punched me in the face.
What?
No. Just joking.
I sleep walked
into Jane's edible plant wall.
The basil
(LAUGHS)
..really had it in for me.
Ah
There she is.
We used to have so much fun.
Are we even allowed
to drive down to Melbourne?
Sure.
You don't know, do you?
Well, I'm leaving in two hours,
so let me know.
Jesus.
Hey, Maddie
Now, tell us, who was it?
Uh, no-one. Just a job thing.
You're applying for jobs.
Well, I'm more
kind of just got offered one.
What what was it?
Kind of stuff
that I've done before, really.
I don't know
if I should take it.
But why?
Didn't really work well last time.
Our kites kind of got tangled up.
Kites.
Oh, wait.
Is that Glen guy involved?
Don't take it.
Yeah.
But I don't think
she should be giving up a job
in the middle of a pandemic.
Nuh. Something better
will come along. Trust your guts.
I can't eat.
I don't know what I was thinking.
Is there anything we can do?
No. That's just it.
There's nothing anyone can do.
Tar-zee.
What?
What?
Did you just sneeze
in another language?
Arabic.
I'm learning. I told you guys.
You finished something
from your iso list?
Uh, something? I did all of it.
Didn't you?
Well, I drank every night
so I held up my end of the bargain.
To be honest, I only got halfway
through Middlemarch, but
Oh, really.
So you just got to the middle?
I didn't do any of the things
that I wanted to.
Mmm. That's not true.
Yeah.
You were in the middle of
one of our favourite love triangles.
That was more than enough.
OK, to repeat, this pandemic is not
a stage for your self-improvement.
Ana akhshaa alkhafafish.
Can we put some closed captions on?
Yes.
I'm exactly where I started.
Look. I wouldn't say that.
No. Actually, I've gone backwards.
Life isn't a sprint, babe,
it's a half marathon.
Oh, God. She's been running too.
It's like sourdough.
ALL: Urgh
No.
No. No. No. I know.
I know. But hear me out.
Decision making, it takes time
and needs to ferment.
Yeah.
And you need to take it out
every half an hour
and you've gotta stretch it
and just
No. What I'm saying, is
Good things come to those who wait.
Sourdough, is like
the best bread, right?
Mmm.
Can we not bread shame?
But, you know,
sometimes you just get drunk
and you want to eat the Tip Top.
That's not the point.
You can't rush baking.
There's knowledge and reflection
in patience and quiet.
But what if you put all of
this energy into the sourdough
and it doesn't work?
Maybe you just don't know
until you give sourdough a try.
Have you really given sourdough
a go?
Or maybe you're just used
to your old white bread habits?
OK. Ding, ding, ding.
I think the read metaphor is cooked.
Oh, my God.
What?
Rob just sent me this
in the WhatsApp group.
What?
Ramsay got Dylan in the break-up.
Trust me, you need to see this.
Ohhh, a sex tape?
Dylan?
Maddie!
Is that from the other night?
Yeah. It must be.
You can't be shouting.
Fucken hell.
Maddie!
RAMSAY: Is that caring Karen?
Yep.
Go home.
Sure is.
This is private property.
This isn't private property.
This is the street.
Shit, are you?
Are you Karen?
That's it. I'm calling the police.
Yeah. Good. Call the police.
And they can arrest me
for being on a street.
Get out of here.
YESSSSSSS.
Get out.
Jesus.
Oh, yes. Get Rob. Get Rob, Karen.
1.5 metres.
Put the produce down.
Put the produce down?
No.
Get back.
Fuck.
Whoa. I am very confused.
Finally,
a Karen doing something good.
Why didn't Rob tell me about this?
I can see why Dylan didn't.
Can we watch it again?
I'll send it to you.
OK, sweeties, watch party for
Real Housewives of New York tonight.
Yes.
Can I please invite Bess?
Bess.
Bess? Bess?
Like, your Bess?
The Bess that started a zine about
how you're a terrible person, Bess?
Well, I wouldn't call it a zine.
Yeah. More of a shit sheet, really.
Yeah. Well, she's still in Iceland,
but I don't know. We're chatting.
Mmm.
Has COVID created
a high fidelity ex tidal wave?
Yeah. And why haven't
any of my exes contacted me?
I think I need to bake
some sourdough.
Put Paw Paw down, Maddie.
He's been through enough.
Hi.
Hey.
How's the place?
Good.
Great. I mean
Good.
I don't want to break up with you.
No, hear me out. Rob.
You you ground me.
You know, that sounds bad.
You hold me down.
Nope.
You're holding my string. And
OK, I don't know where
we're going here.
Is Glen's unit that bad?
No. It's great.
Well, it's not great
but I don't want to live with you.
I just don't want
to break up with you.
I know I've done this
whole thing the wrong way around.
And you are right,
I wasn't over Dylan.
And that wasn't fair on you
or anyone really.
I was caught up in this idea
that things have to be
..hard for them to be good.
But they don't.
You're not dull.
You're calm and strong
in a real way,
not in a stupid bro way.
And I can't believe I'm going to
say this but I miss Maya.
And her Tik Toks.
Which I totally
don't let her watch anymore,
because the rule you made
is a very good one.
Maddie, you know I love you.
But, how do I know this isn't
going to be the same as before?
Never accept a first offer.
There's someone I want you to meet.
Maddie, hello.
Wait. Wait. Wait.
Your mother is coming.
She's bloody playing mini golf
on my lawn. Just wait.
OK. Dad.
There's someone I want you to meet
Ooh
It's nice to meet you Vijay.
Nice to meet you Rob.
I've heard a lot about you.
Oh, and me about you.
Maddie tells me
that you are in computers. Yes?
Guilty as charged.
Yeah. Alright. Listen. Listen.
My wife says that I have
too many picture messages
but I think it's something
to do with these clouds.
Can you, uh
Dad, he's a software
engineer not the Genius Bar.
It's OK. Let me know,
what are you seeing on your screen?
Well, there is a grey box and it
says not enough room for the cloud.
Useless bloody thing.
What have these bloody clouds
got to do with it?
Wanna be where you are
You're the right one
Wanna be where you are
Wanna be
where you are
You're
the right one
The right one
The right
one ♪
Maddie. Maddie. Hey. Can you hear me?
Hey, do you know the part
in Contagion,
the part where Laurence Fishburne,
he's the chief scientist dude.
Right, so Laurence Fishburne,
he starts to freak out
about the pandemic
so he tells his wife
to get the fuck out of town
and the supermarkets are being looted
and Kate Winslet dies
Kate Winslet dies again
in another movie.
And we're all like,
"Fuck you, Soderbergh.
Fuck you for killing Kate.
And fuck you for killing Gwyneth.
Anything can fucking happen now.
Anything.
Like, I'm on a boat right now,
Maddie.
How did I get to be here?
Why have I watched Contagion
44 times on a boat?
Why is Jude Law's Australian accent
so bad?
Why didn't anyone tell me
the restrictions aren't lifted
till today?
You know what? I'm turning this boat
around, Maddie. I'm coming home.
Australia, do you hear me?
I'm coming home.
I will not Jude Law you.
I will not Laurence Fishburne you.
I'm not going to Kate Winslet you.
I'm gonna turn this boat around.
Let's do this, Maddie. Let's not jump
ship. Right? Let's get another boat.
Yeah. Let's start a new business.
We'll go domestic. Uh Travel Aid.
Because South Australia, we love
your grapes and beaches. Yeah.
Did you get all that? Maddie?
Did you get all that? Hello?