Rhoda (1974) s01e06 Episode Script

- MY NAME IS RHODA MORGENSTERN.
I WAS BORN IN THE BRONX, NEW YORK IN DECEMBER, 1941.
I'VE ALWAYS FEL RESPONSIBLE FOR WORLD WAR II.
THE FIRST THING I REMEMBER LIKING THAT LIKED ME BACK WAS FOOD.
I HAD A BAD PUBERTY.
IT LASTED 17 YEARS.
I'M A HIGH SCHOOL GRADUATE.
I WENT TO ART SCHOOL.
MY ENTRANCE EXAM WAS ON A BOOK OF MATCHES.
I DECIDED TO MOVE OUT OF THE HOUSE WHEN I WAS 24.
MY MOTHER STILL REFERS TO THIS AS THE TIME I RAN AWAY FROM HOME.
EVENTUALLY, I RAN TO MINNEAPOLIS, WHERE IT'S COLD, AND I FIGURED I'D KEEP BETTER.
NOW I'M BACK IN MANHATTAN.
NEW YORK, THIS IS YOUR LAST CHANCE.
- OUCH.
WHEW.
- YOU KNOW, IT'S A LITTLE EARLY IN THE MORNING FOR JOKES.
- YEAH, I'M SORRY.
I'M JUST CHECKING THINGS OVER.
- YEAH? WELL, YOU'RE WITH THE STORE, HUH? - OH, NO.
- YOU'RE NOT? WELL, THEN WHAT ARE YOU-- - I'M HIM.
- THE DUMMY! - YOU'RE VIC RHODES! - YEAH.
- OH, THE GOALIE! YEAH, HI.
- HI.
- RHODA MORGENSTERN.
WE'VE NEVER MET, BUT SOMEHOW I FEEL I KNOW YOU INTIMATELY.
- DO YOU WORK HERE ALL THE TIME? - OH, NO, NO.
USUALLY I DO DEPARTMENT STORE WINDOWS.
YEAH.
I'M JUST FREELANCING AT THIS TIME.
YOU KNOW? THEY SEND YOU WHERE THEY WAN YOU TO GO AND YOU HAVE TO GO BECAUSE--DO YOU LISTEN TO THIS? HERE I AM DISCUSSING THE THRILLS AND CHILLS OF WINDOW DRESSING WITH A BIG-TIME JOCK.
- YOU KNOW, YOU ARE VERY CUTE.
- NO, I DIDN'T KNOW THAT.
UM, WHAT ARE YOU GONNA BE DOING HERE TODAY, VIC? - OH, I'M JUST GONNA MEE THE CUSTOMERS WHEN THEY OPEN UP THE STORE.
SMILE, SHAKE HANDS, STUFF LIKE THAT.
- HEY, LISTEN, THERE'S A WHOLE BUNCH OF THEM OUT THERE.
I MEAN, THERE MUST BE A HUNDRED PEOPLE ON LINE.
YOU'RE VERY POPULAR.
- YEAH, I GUESS I AM.
THERE'S ALSO A SIGN OUT THERE THAT SAYS THE FIRST 100 PEOPLE GET FREE HOCKEY PUCKS.
- I NEVER SAW SO MANY HOCKEY PUCKS IN MY LIFE.
- YOU GOTTA SEE MY NECK DURING A BAD GAME.
- WELL, I THINK I'M JUST ABOUT FINISHED.
- FOR THE DAY? - NO, NO.
AFTER HERE I GO OVER AND DO A LIQUOR STORE WINDOW, AFTER THAT A PET SHOP, WHICH IS A CHALLENGE BEING CREATIVE WITH KITTY LITTER.
- SO, THAT'S YOUR DAY.
WHAT ABOUT YOUR NIGHT? HOW ABOUT A STEAK AND A FLICK? - OH, NO, I'M SORRY, I CAN'T.
- THEN HOW ABOU DINNER AND A MOVIE? - THANKS A LOT, BUT NO.
- ARE YOU MARRIED? - NO.
- THEN WHY DON'T YOU WAN TO GO OUT WITH ME? I'M WITH THE NEW YORK RANGERS.
FIRST STRING.
- OH, LISTEN, VIC, PLEASE, A FEW MONTHS AGO I WOULD HAVE BEEN STANDING OUT ON THAT LINE MYSELF, I SWEAR.
BUT RIGHT NOW I'M SOR OF GOING WITH SOMEBODY.
- WHAT DO YOU MEAN "SORT OF"? ARE YOU ENGAGED? - NO.
- LOOK, I'M NOT TALKING ABOU A ONE-NIGHT STAND.
WE'RE IN TOWN TILL THURSDAY.
- YOU'RE OK, VIC.
- YEAH, THEN WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO GO OUT WITH ME? - NO KIDDING, VIC.
I'M REALLY KIND OF GOING WITH SOMEONE.
- OK, RHODA.
LOOK, COULD YOU STAND A LITTLE CONSTRUCTIVE CRITICISM? - YEAH, SURE, WHAT? - YOU GOT MY PANTS ON BACKWARDS.
- OH, I'M SORRY.
I NEVER DRESSED A HOCKEY PLAYER BEFORE.
- HI.
- HI.
- WHAT ARE YOU DOING? - PUTTING A BULB IN.
IT BURNED OUT FROM OPENING THE DOOR SO MUCH.
- LISTEN, BRENDA, DID JOE HAPPEN TO CALL WHILE I WAS OUT? - NO.
WERE YOU EXPECTING HIM TO? - THAT'S JUST IT.
I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO EXPECT.
- IS SOMETHING WRONG WITH YOU AND JOE? - NO, BRENDA, IT'S JUST THAT THINGS ARE STARTING TO GET CONFUSING.
LIKE AT WORK TODAY, THIS REALLY ATTRACTIVE GUY CAME ON TO ME IN THE WINDOW.
- ANOTHER FLASHER? - NO.
NO, A REALLY SWEET GUY.
HE'S A BIG-TIME HOCKEY PLAYER.
HE ASKED ME TO GO OUT WITH HIM TONIGHT.
- HEY, IF YOU GO, MAYBE YOU CAN GET ME A SEASON PASS.
- BRENDA, THIS WAS FOR DINNER AND A SHOW.
I MEAN, FOR A SEASON'S PASS, I HAVE TO GO ON THE ROAD WITH HIM.
- SO WHAT DID YOU SAY? - NO, OF COURSE.
BECAUSE I'M GOING WITH JOE.
BUT THEN I GOT TO THINKING, IT'S NOT REALLY GOING WITH, IT'S MORE LIKE WAITING FOR.
- WELL, RHO, IT'S BETTER THAN NOTHING.
- WHY AM I ALWAYS WAITING FOR HIM TO DROP IN ON ME? WHY CAN'T I DROP IN ON HIM? - YEAH, YEAH.
I WAS THINKING OF DROPPING IN ON SOME GUY THE OTHER NIGHT.
- YEAH? WHY DIDN'T YOU? - I DIDN'T KNOW ANYBODY.
- WELL, I TELL YOU, I WANNA SEE JOE TONIGHT, SO I'M GOING OVER AND SEE HIM.
- WOW! - WHAT WOW? IT'S SIMPLE.
AND IF I WANT TO KNOW WHERE I STAND WITH HIM, I'LL JUST ASK HIM WHERE I STAND.
IT'S THAT SIMPLE, BRENDA.
- BUT WHAT IF HE'S NOT ALONE? - IT JUST GOT COMPLICATED.
- SO YOU'RE NOT GOING? - SURE I'M GOING.
YEAH.
[DOOR BUZZER.]
- RHODA! - HI, JOE.
I JUST DECIDED TO DROP OVER.
I MEAN, MANY A TIME YOU JUST DROP OVER TO MY PLACE UNANNOUNCED, SO I FIGURED AS LONG AS I WAN TO SEE YOU THERE'S NOTHING WRONG WITH ME COMING OVER HERE UNANNOUNCED.
IT'S ONLY FAIR, RIGHT? - RIGHT, RHODA, IT'S ONLY FAIR.
- SO I JUST WANTED TO GET THAT STRAIGHT.
GOOD-BYE.
- AREN'T YOU GONNA COME IN? - I REALLY DON'T THINK I SHOULD DROP IN LIKE THIS.
- YOU'VE ALREADY DROPPED, SO COME ON IN.
- ARE YOU SURE IT'S OK? - OH, SURE.
- OH, YOU'RE CRAZY.
- WHAT? YOU THOUGHT THAT I MIGHT HAVE HAD ANOTHER WOMAN IN HERE, - DIDN'T YOU? - NO, NO.
- YEAH, I DID, YEAH.
IT IS FUNNY MY THINKING THAT, RIGHT? - OH, YEAH.
- NO, LISTEN, I JUST GOT TO WONDERING, WHAT IS IT YOU DO HERE ALONE BY YOURSELF? - WELL, FOR INSTANCE, TONIGHT I'M COUNTING UNDERWEAR.
- I THINK WE KNOW EACH OTHER WELL ENOUGH.
HOW MANY YOU GOT? HEY, JOE, I CAME OVER TONIGH BECAUSE I WANNA TALK ABOUT US.
- HEY, WAIT A MINUTE.
WE STILL LOVE EACH OTHER.
EVERYTHING'S STILL THE SAME, ISN'T IT? - SURE.
- JUST A SPOT CHECK, THAT'S ALL.
- OK.
WELL, LISTEN, I WANTED TO DROP BY-- I DIDN'T REALLY DROP BY, I WAS JUST SAYING I WAS DROPPING-- [TELEPHONE RINGING.]
- JUST A MINUTE.
- DO YOU WANT TO BE PRIVATE? - NO, I GOT NO SECRETS.
HELLO? YEAH.
WHO'S THIS? WHO? YOU MEAN OF THE NEW YORK RANGERS.
HEY, IT'S GREAT TO GET A CALL FROM YOU, VIC, BUT YOU MUS HAVE THE WRONG NUMBER BECAUSE-- YEAH, SHE IS.
JUST A MINUTE.
- IT'S FOR YOU.
- YEAH.
DO YOU WANT TO BE PRIVATE? - NO, I GOT NO SECRETSANYMORE.
JOE.
UM, HELLO? YEAH, OF COURSE I REMEMBER YOU.
[LAUGHS.]
YEAH, I FINALLY GO YOUR PANTS ON RIGHT.
AN EASY EXPLANATION.
YEAH, VIC.
TELL ME, HOW DID YOU GET THIS NUMBER? OH, SHE DID? BRENDA? YEAH.
WELL, UM, WHAT EMERGENCY DID YOU TELL HER IT WAS? HEY, VIC, THINKING ABOUT ME WHILE YOU'RE IN THE SHOWER IS NOT AN EMERGENCY.
HEY, LISTEN, UM, LIKE I TOLD YOU TODAY AT THE STORE, I AM REALLY GOING WITH SOMEBODY.
AND I WISH YOU WOULDN' CALL AGAIN, HUH? BECAUSE THIS IS THE BES RELATIONSHIP I'VE EVER HAD IN MY LIFE.
OK? GOOD-BYE.
JOE, I DON'T UNDERSTAND OUR RELATIONSHIP.
NOW, JUST WHERE DO STAND? - YOU KNOW WHERE WE STAND.
I LOVE YOU, YOU LOVE ME.
- SO WHAT ARE WE GONNA DO? JUST KEEP ON LOVING EACH OTHER? - HEY, DON'T SAY "JUST.
" - OK.
WHAT ARE WE GONNA DO? KEEP ON LOVING EACH OTHER? I NEED THE "JUST.
" - RHODA.
WHAT DO YOU REALLY WANT? - I REALLY WANNA FEEL THA OUR RELATIONSHIP IS SOMETHING SOLID.
YOU KNOW? I MEAN, I WANT TO KNOW WHAT'S GOING ON WITH US FOR SURE, WITHOUT HAVING TO GUESS.
- DON'T YOU THINK I FEEL THE SAME THING? - DO YOU? - OH, SURE.
LOOK, HONEY, WE BOTH LOVE EACH OTHER, SO LET'S DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT, RIGHT? - RIGHT.
WHAT? - RHODA LET'S LIVE TOGETHER.
- RHO? - YEAH.
- HOW'D IT GO? RHODA, SOMETHING HAPPENED, TELL ME.
- WELL, JOE POPPED THE QUESTION.
- HEY, HEY, HEY! - HOLD IT.
THE QUESTION HE POPPED WAS, "WILL YOU LIVE WITH ME?" - OH.
HEY, HEY! AT LEAST THAT'S SOMETHING SOLID.
- YEAH, BUT I DIDN'T SAY YES OR NO.
I'M SO HUNGRY.
- UH-OH.
RHODA, LOOK WHAT YOU'RE DOING.
YOU'RE GONNA EAT INSTEAD OF FACING UP TO A DECISION.
AND YOU ALWAYS TELL ME THAT'S WRONG.
THAT'S NOT THE NEW RHODA AT THE REFRIGERATOR.
THAT'S THE OLD RHODA.
- ALL RIGHT.
THE OLD RHODA WILL EA WHILE THE NEW RHODA DECIDES.
HMM, WHAT'S THIS? - MY STRAWBERRY FACIAL CREAM.
IT'S A LITTLE GREASY.
- OH, BRENDA, IF I ONLY HAD TIME TO THINK.
IT ALL HAPPENED SO FAST.
I--I-- - RHODA, I KNOW I'M YOUR YOUNGER SISTER, BUT DO YOU WANT MY OPINION? - TELL ME WHAT IT IS FIRST.
- WELL, I THINK THAT YOU REALLY WAN TO DO IT, BUT SOMETHING IN YOUR 1950'S TYPE BACKGROUND IS STOPPING YOU.
- RIGHT.
I CAN'T JUST START PACKING AND FORGET EVERY DORIS DAY MOVIE I EVER SAW.
I MEAN, THERE'S A LOT OF THINGS TO CONSIDER HERE.
- WELL, MAYBE WE COULD TALK ABOUT IT.
DISCUSS THE FOR'S AND AGAINST'S.
- MAYBE, YEAH.
- WHICH SIDE DO YOU WANT ME TO TAKE? - TAKE AGAINST, THERE'S MORE TO PICK FROM.
- OK.
OK, HERE'S A BIG AGAINST--MA.
- OH, THAT'S BIG.
BRENDA, DO YOU BELIEVE IT, I NEVER EVEN THOUGHT ABOUT MA.
- YES, YOU DID, BUT YOU'RE REPRESSING IT.
- YOU KNOW, I REALLY WISH YOU DIDN'T HAVE A FRIEND IN ANALYSIS.
- I CAN'T THINK OF ANY MORE AGAINST'S.
THE AGAINST'S ARE ROTTEN.
LET'S HEAR SOME FOR THE FOR'S.
- OK.
I'M TIRED OF BEING ALONE.
I WANNA SHARE ME WITH SOMEBODY.
YOU KNOW? I FINALLY FOUND A MAN I CAN LOVE WHO LOVES ME BACK AND I DON'T WANNA BE WITH HIM JUS PART TIME, I WANNA BE WITH HIM EVERY SINGLE DAY, INCLUDING MORNINGS AND WEEKENDS.
SO WHAT'S WRONG WITH LIVING WITH HIM? HUH? I MEAN, THIS ISN' THE 19th CENTURY.
THIS IS THE SPACE AGE.
I WANT TO SHARE HIS SPACE.
- ALL RIGHT, YOU'RE GONNA DO IT! - YEAH, I'M GONNA DO IT.
- AND I CAN FIX IT SO THA MA NEVER FINDS OUT.
- RIDICULOUS, I'M GONNA TELL MA.
DO YOU THINK I WANT THA HANGING OVER MY HEAD? NO.
I'M GONNA TELL HER.
THE SOONER THE BETTER.
- WELL, WHEN ARE YOU GONNA TELL HER? - NOW.
[DOOR BUZZER.]
- OH, SURPRISE.
- HI, POP, HOW ARE YOU? HI.
- HI, POP.
- BRENDA.
- OH, MY GOD.
WELL, WHAT'S THIS? AND WHAT'S THAT? RHODA, YOU'RE NOT GOING BACK TO MINNEAPOLIS? - NO, POP.
- YOU'RE MOVING IN WITH US? - NO, BUT YOU'RE GETTING WARM.
- WHERE'S MA? - YOUR MOTHER? - YEAH.
- YOUR MOTHER, UH--YOUR MOTHER? - POP, YOU DON'T KNOW IF MA'S HOME OR NOT? - OF COURSE SHE'S NOT.
BRENDA, BELIEVE ME, WHEN YOUR MOTHER IS HOME, I KNOW IT.
NO, I'M JUST TRYING TO THINK WHERE SHE TOLD ME SHE WAS GOING.
OH, OF COURSE, SHE WEN OVER TO YOUR AUNT ROSE'S.
THEY'RE NOT SPEAKING TO EACH OTHER SO THEY DECIDED TO TALK.
SO, IS THERE SOMETHING SPECIAL YOU WANT TO TALK TO HER ABOUT? - WELL, UM - I--UH-- - YEAH? - MAYBE WE SHOULD COME BACK WHEN THE LADY OF THE HOUSE IS IN? - YEAH, I THINK THAT'S A BAD-- IT ISN'T--IT IS NO THE SORT OF THING-- - RHODA.
ARE YOU IN SOME KIND OF FEMALE TROUBLE? - OH, NO, POP, IT'S NOTHING LIKE WHAT YOU'RE THINKING.
- WHAT? I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT I'M THINKING.
- NO, I MEAN, IT'S NOTHING THAT I'VE DONE.
- IT'S SOMETHING SHE'S GOING TO DO.
- WELL, DO YOU WANT TO TELL ME ABOUT IT NOW, OR DO YOU WAIT UNTIL AFTER YOU DO IT? - NO, I WANT YOU TO KNOW.
- TERRIFIC.
- SIT DOWN, POP, HUH? UMNOW, OK, UH IT'S JOE.
- JOE.
VERY NICE FELLOW, JOE.
- THE BEST--THE BEST.
- SEE, WE REALLY LOVE EACH OTHER.
- OH, BOY, DO THEY LOVE EACH OTHER.
- GOOD, GOOD, GOOD.
- AND JOE HAS ASKED ME TO LIVE WITH HIM AND I DECIDED TO DO IT.
- BRENDA, LEAVE THE ROOM.
- POP, I'M OLD ENOUGH TO VOTE.
- THEN GO SOMEPLACE AND VOTE.
- IF ANYBODY WANTS ME, I'LL BE IN THE REFRIGERATOR.
- RHODA.
RHODA, YOU'RE TELLING ME THAT-- THAT THIS SUITCASE IS LIKE INSTEAD OF A TROUSSEAU.
- YEAH, RIGHT, POP.
AND I GUESS WHAT I REALLY WANT IS YOUR BLESSING.
- RHODA, WHATEVER YOU DO, YOU HAVE MY BLESSING.
YOUR MOTHER'S BLESSING YOU MAY HAVE TROUBLE WITH.
- WELL, POP, SEE, I JUST WANT TO BE STRAIGHT WITH YOU.
I WANTED TO BE HONEST, BUT I DON'T WANT YOU TO FEEL BAD.
- OH, RHODA, DON'T WORRY ABOUT ME, RHODA.
YOU JUST BE SURE THAT YOU TAKE THE TIME TO MAKE THE RIGHT DECISION AND THAT YOU'RE NO RUSHING INTO SOMETHING JUS BECAUSE SOMEBODY ELSE WANTS YOU TO.
THE MOST IMPORTANT THING, RHODA, IS HOW YOU FEEL.
- RIGHT.
- GOOD! - SO I'M MOVING IN WITH JOE.
THANKS, POP.
- WHAT THANKS? I WAS HOPING I TALKED YOU OUT OF IT.
- LISTEN, DO YOU WANT ME TO WAIT AROUND AND TALK TO MA ABOUT IT? - NO, NO, I'LL TELL MA.
- ARE YOU SURE? - I CAN HANDLE IT.
- RHODA, I CAN HANDLE IT.
SEE, WHAT I'LL HAVE TO DO, I'LL HAVE TO TAKE HER DOWN TO MIAMI BEACH.
IT'S LIKE WHEN I HAD TO TELL HER THAT YOU WERE MOVING TO MINNEAPOLIS.
- OH, RIGHT.
- SURE, THAT'S THE ANSWER.
RIGHT DOWN TO MIAMI BEACH.
WHAT I'LL DO IS I'LL TELL HER DOWN THERE.
AND WITH THE SOUND OF THE BREAKERS, SEE, SHE'LL ONLY HEAR EVERY OTHER WORD AND IT WON'T BE SO BAD.
GEE, WITH NEWS LIKE THIS, MAYBE I BETTER TAKE HER TO NIAGARA FALLS.
[DOOR BUZZER.]
- JUST A MINUTE.
HEY! - HI.
WHAT DO YOU SAY TO SOMEBODY WHEN YOU STAR LIVING TOGETHER? - OH, I'M GLAD YOU'RE HERE.
- THAT'S GOOD.
I'M GLAD I AM, TOO.
I AM, I'M GLAD.
OOPS! [MUMBLING.]
- YOU LOOK A LITTLE NERVOUS, ARE YOU? - YEAH.
WELL, I'M ALWAYS THIS WAY THE FIRST DAY AT CAMP.
YOU KNOW, I MEAN, I DON'T KNOW WHY I SHOULD FEEL THIS WAY NOW, JOE.
AT LEAST HERE I KNOW WHO I'M BUNKING WITH.
- OH, I'M GONNA HAVE TO GET YOU YOUR OWN SET OF KEYS.
I'M GONNA PUT YOUR NAME ON THE MAILBOX.
- YEAH.
- WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE? MS.
, OR MISS, OR WHAT? - OH, FOR STARTERS LET'S GO WITH R.
MORGENSTERN.
YOU KNOW? WHY LAY IT IN THEIR LAP? LET 'EM GUESS A LITTLE.
- OH, I'M REALLY GLAD YOU'RE GONNA BE LIVING HERE.
WE'RE GONNA HAVE SO MUCH FUN.
- STOP! YOU'RE ALL MESSED UP.
LISTEN, NOW, WAIT, JUS SO I DON'T FEEL GUILTY WHEN IT'S NOT SO MUCH FUN, I WANNA PAY HALF THE RENT.
- THAT'S RIDICULOUS! I'LL BE LIKE A LANDLORD.
- GOOD! THEN IF SOMETHING GOES WRONG, I KNOW WHERE TO COMPLAIN.
- OK, WE'LL TALK ABOUT IT, BUT NOT NOW, HUH? - HEY, WHAT ABOUT SOAP? - HMM? - SOAP.
NOW, LISTEN, I NEVER EVER MENTIONED THIS WHEN I WAS A TRANSIENT, BUT I REALLY HATE YOUR BRAND.
- WELL, IN THE DEMOLITION BUSINESS, WE LIKE A STRONG SOAP.
I TELL YOU WHAT, I'LL BE DARING, WE'LL BUY TWO SOAPS.
- YEAH, JOE, BUT YOU ONLY HAVE ONE DISH THERE IN THE SHOWER.
I MEAN, YOU PUT A BAR OF SOAP ON TOP OF ANOTHER BAR, THE TOP ALWAYS SLIDES OFF.
- OK.
WE'LL PUT YOUR SOAP IN THE SOAP DISH AND I'LL GET ONE OF THOSE BARS THAT YOU PU AROUND YOUR NECK ON A CORD, YOU KNOW, SOAP ON A ROPE.
- VERY GOOD.
HEY, YOU SURE YOU NEVER DONE THIS BEFORE? - LET'S UNPACK, COME ON.
- NOW, LISTEN, IT CAN WAIT TILL THE MORNING, HUH? - OK, I'LL PUT IT IN THE CLOSE AND, UH HEY, LISTEN, IF THERE'S ANYTHING AROUND HERE YOU DON' LIKE, YOU KNOW, TELL ME.
- GEE, YOU MAKE IT SOUND SO PERMANENT.
- WELL, YEAH.
AS FAR AS I'M CONCERNED, IT IS PERMANENT.
- YEAH, KEYS, MILD SOAP, STRONG SOAP, NAME ON THE MAILBOX.
IT'S ALMOST LIKE THE REAL THING.
- RHODA, WHAT'S WRONG? - NOTHING, NOTHING.
I'M A LITTLE NERVOUS IS WHAT I AM.
BUT, REALLY, JOE, BELIEVE ME, I REALLY FEEL HAPPY.
I AM.
I MEAN, EVERYTHING'S WONDERFUL.
THIS IS PROBABLY THE BEST NIGHT OF MY LIFE, EXCEPT SOMETHING JUS OCCURRED TO ME AND-- - WHAT? - NO.
NO, MAYBE I BETTER NOT MENTION I BECAUSE WE'RE JUST STARTING OUT LIVING TOGETHER.
- FORGET IT.
- TELL ME.
- NO, NO, I'M NOT.
I'M NOT GONNA TELL YOU.
I FEEL GUILTY AND I'M-- - HEY, IF WE'RE GONNA START LIVING TOGETHER, WE GOTTA TELL EACH OTHER EVERYTHING.
- OK, JOE, I WANNA BE MARRIED.
- UH, WHEN DID YOU REALIZE THAT? - RIGHT IN THE MIDDLE OF THE SOAPS.
AND, JOE, I CAN'T TELL YOU HOW ASHAMED OF MYSELF I FEEL.
I MEAN, I THOUGHT I WAS SO HIP, YOU KNOW.
SO BEYOND THAT, YOU KNOW, WITH IT, 1970'S.
I WANNA GET MARRIED.
I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS.
LISTEN, I DO WANT MY NAME ON THE MAILBOX.
YOU'RE RIGHT.
BUT I WAN THE SAME NAME AS YOURS.
YES, MARRIED.
WHAT A DEPRESSING THING TO FIND OUT ABOUT YOURSELF.
THIS IS SO CONVENTIONAL! I MEAN, MA--MA, YEP.
ALL THAT GOOD WORK WAS NOT IN VAIN.
YOUR DAUGHTER WANTS TO BE MARRIED.
THAT'S IT, JOE, THERE IT IS.
I WANNA BE MARRIED TO YOU.
- MARRIED, HUH? - YEAH, PLEASE DON'T SAY IT AGAIN.
- MARRIED, HUH? - IF YOU SAY YOU WILL, I'LL NEVER ASK YOU FOR ANOTHER THING.
- AND THAT'S WHAT YOU REALLY WANT, HUH? - OH, YEAH, JOE.
I REALLY, REALLY DO.
I'M REAL SORRY.
- LOOK, RHODA, I LOVE YOU, BUT ONCE YOU'VE BEEN DIVORCED YOU GE A LITTLE--I DON'T KNOW, YOU GE FRIGHTENED OF MARRIAGE.
- ARE YOU KIDDING? LISTEN.
ONCE YOU'VE BEEN SINGLE, YOU'RE FRIGHTENED OF MARRIAGE.
JOE, I'M SO SURE ABOUT US.
I REALLY AM.
LOOK AT ME.
LOOK HOW SURE I AM.
- YOU SURE LOOK SURE.
WELL, I'D BE LYING IF I SAID I HADN'T THOUGHT OF MARRYING YOU, RHODA.
BUT THAT'S WHY I FIGURED I WAS SUCH A GOOD IDEA FOR YOU TO MOVE IN.
I THOUGHT THAT WE'D TALK SERIOUSLY ABOUT GETTING MARRIED ONCE WE WERE LIVING TOGETHER FOR A WHILE.
BUT, RHODA, IT'S BEEN ONLY 45 SECONDS! - THEY'VE BEEN GOOD SECONDS, JOE.
- RHODA, THEY'VE BEEN SOME OF THE GREATES SECONDS OF MY LIFE.
OK, LET'S DO IT! - YOU MEAN IT? - YOU TRY AND GET OUT OF IT.
- YOU MEAN IT! HEY, HEY, HEY! [TELEPHONE RINGING.]
- HELLO? - HIYA, MARY.
- WHO IS THIS? - IT'S ME, RHODA.
HEY, DID I WAKE YOU UP? - I DON'T KNOW.
WHAT TIME IS IT? - WELL, IT'S 2:30 IN THE MORNING HERE.
- THEN I THINK YOU WOKE ME UP.
RHODA, ARE YOU ALL RIGHT? - OH, YEAH, YEAH.
I'M JUST GREAT.
UH, LISTEN, ARE YOU SITTING DOWN, KID? - YEAH, SHOULD I BE? - NAH, NOT FOR THIS.
BECAUSE IF YOU'RE SITTING DOWN, YOU WON'T BE ABLE TO JUMP.
- RHODA, WHAT IS IT? - MARY, I'M GETTING MARRIED.
- MARRIED?! YOU AND JOE! - YEAH, RIGHT.
- OH! OH, HA HA HA! - YOU'RE JUMPING, AREN'T YOU, KID? - YES, YES! - WELL, YOU KEEP ON JUMPING.
I'LL TELL YOU WHEN YOUR THREE MINUTES ARE UP.
- OH!