Risque Business: The Netherlands and Germany (2024) s01e06 Episode Script
Episode 6
1
[whimsical sting]
[exciting music]
[woman in German]
They're both my husbands.
[man] This is my wife, Alina,
and this is my girlfriend, Melanie.
POLYAMORY: A PORTMANTEAU
OF POLY (MANY) AND AMOR (LOVE)
[exciting music continues]
COLOGNE, GERMANY
[in Korean] People say
love has no borders and knows no age.
-And I get that much.
-Mm.
[scoffs]
But I always thought
it was between two people.
-I've never felt so alone.
-[soft chuckle]
You have your wife.
But I have no one.
-Maybe this tree will love me.
-[chuckles]
How can people have more than one partner?
But I am curious to hear
why people practice polyamory
and what it's all about.
Same here.
A RESIDENTIAL AREA IN COLOGNE, GERMANY
[woman in German] Hello, come in.
-[in Korean] Hello.
-[woman in English] Hi.
-[in Korean] Hello.
-[woman in German] Welcome.
-Hello.
-Please come in.
-[Si-kyung in Korean] Hello.
-They have babies.
[in German] Welcome to our home.
[in Korean]
Thank you for the warm welcome.
[in German] I'm Nicole.
These are my partners,
Fabian and Christian.
And these are our children.
They're both boys.
-[in Korean] I see.
-Right.
I see.
[in German] They're both my husbands.
[chuckles]
[light music]
ONE WIFE × TWO HUSBANDS
AND TWO CHILDREN
[Si-kyung in Korean] But hold on.
Fabian isn't in this wedding photo, is he?
[in German] No. Only two people
can be married in Germany.
The law doesn't allow
for three people to be married.
[Fabian] Christian and Nicole
had been lovers for a long time then.
I was playing a song with my friend
as she was walking down the aisle.
FABIAN
[Nicole]
Fabian and I were just close friends then.
I didn't know that three people
could be in love back then.
[Dong-youp in Korean] Right.
-[laughs]
-[laughs]
So you used to be friends,
but now you're partners, correct?
[in German] Yes, exactly.
[Nicole] We went from being close friends
to being three people in a relationship.
CHRISTIAN AND NICOLE GOT MARRIED FIRST,
THEN FABIAN JOINED THEM
AND THEY STARTED A POLYAMOROUS FAMILY
That's correct.
[chuckles]
Oh.
[in Korean] We'll need to hear the details
after we get a house tour.
[in German] We have a huge bed
because we all sleep together.
-Ah.
-[Nicole] It's enormous.
Come with me. I'll show you.
[Nicole]
Let me show you the master bedroom.
This room is
Oh!
-[Fabian grunts]
-[Dong-youp exclaims]
[in Korean] Are these your spots
when you go to sleep?
[in German]
Yes, I usually sleep in the middle,
and they sleep on each side of me.
-[Nicole laughs]
-[Dong-youp laughs]
[Si-kyung in Korean]
It could fit all five of us.
[Dong-youp chuckles]
So Nicole and Fabian are in love,
and Nicole and Christian are in love.
[Si-kyung]
Are Fabian and Christian friends then?
[in German] They're also lovers.
We're in a romantic relationship.
-Fabian is also my partner.
-Oh.
[Nicole laughs]
[in Korean] So Fabian and Christian
are also in a romantic relationship?
-[in German] Exactly.
-Ah
We're not physically attracted
to each other.
We're more romantic in an emotional sense.
[in Korean] Well, that's just
[laughter]
So Nicole has a physical relationship
with both Christian and Fabian.
[in German] Christian and Fabian
don't have sex with each other.
-Oh.
-We don't have threesomes often
because it can get very complicated.
We just experiment with it sometimes.
[chuckles]
[in Korean] So let's say one of you
starts getting intimate with Nicole.
Does the other person step out
and take a really long walk?
[in German] In cases like that,
that person takes the children outside
so the other two can get it on.
[laughter]
That's a huge advantage
of having a relationship like this.
[laughs]
[in Korean]
So it starts once that person steps out.
How does it feel when you have to
leave the room for the other two?
Um
[in German] I'm happy to let them
have a little alone time.
This is what we call "compersion."
It means being happy for others.
It's the antonym of jealousy.
It's when you find joy
in the happiness of others.
-Mm.
-[Si-kyung] Ah.
[in Korean] All right.
This could be a childish question.
Let's say it's New Year's Eve.
[in English] "Three, two, one.
Happy New Year! Yay!"
[in Korean] Who do you kiss first?
Mm.
[in German] There's no order to it.
I'd just kiss whoever is closer to me.
[Nicole laughs]
We could both kiss her
on the cheeks like this.
[Nicole laughing]
Aw.
[in Korean] In that case,
let's say Christian and Fabian
are drowning in the ocean.
-[Si-kyung] Who would you rescue first?
-[chuckles]
It's a childish question
we often ask in Korea.
[in German] The point of the question is
to determine who matters more to someone.
It's trying to look at our relationship
within the frame of monogamy.
I love them both equally,
so I don't even want to think about it.
It's the same as asking me
which of my children I would rescue first.
No one would want to imagine
such a scenario.
It's something you couldn't imagine
in a polyamorous relationship.
[in English] Okay, my apologies.
[laughs]
[in Korean] The way I see it,
there are two seas
for Nicole, Christian, and Fabian.
-Mm.
-If they were both drowning,
Nicole would split herself up
to save them both.
They're in a whole other dimension
that's unimaginable to us.
-[Dong-youp] Mm.
-That's what it feels like.
[in German]
If something like that happened,
-we would all just drown together.
-[laughter]
[in Korean] I don't even have anyone
to rescue in my sea.
-[Si-kyung] Not a soul.
-Oh
Not even fish.
[in German] Why don't we eat?
Our children will join us.
We ordered some food.
We don't eat meat anymore,
but we ordered
some traditional German food for you two.
[Si-kyung in English]
Do you guys need help?
[Nicole] Help? Not really.
-[Si-kyung] I can
-[Nicole] But thank you.
Yeah, yeah.
Let's see what we have here.
[in Korean] We can't help
but approach this within our norms.
It's like trying to plug
a Galaxy charger into an iPhone.
-Exactly.
-[Si-kyung] It's not compatible.
-[in German] Say hello to the guests.
-[in English] Hello.
-[boy] Hi.
-Hi.
[in Korean] So adorable.
-[in German] Do you have children?
-[in Korean] Yes, I do.
I have a daughter who's 15
and a son who's 12.
And I have an inflammation
-[comical music]
-in my ankle.
[Nicole in German]
We have one more dish. It's called rösti.
Rösti. Okay.
-[in Korean] There's so much food.
-They prepared so much food for us.
[Christian in German]
This should be the last one.
[boy] Wow, what's all that in the pot?
[soft laughter]
[in Korean] So just to clarify,
are you married to Christian
but not to Fabian?
Are you planning on having another child?
[in German] We're not sure yet,
but we already have our hands full
with two kids.
Even with all three of us.
[laughter]
[in Korean] Since there are three of you,
it must be less tiring to look after them.
[in German]
It's one of the many advantages
of having a three-person relationship.
[Nicole] While two of us
are taking care of the children,
the remaining person
can enjoy their hobbies.
Mm.
[Dong-youp in Korean]
Since the kids are done eating
[in German] Wanna go to the garden?
[in Korean] Can we start eating?
[in German] Yes, go ahead.
[laughs]
[in Korean] This must be blood sausage.
[Fabian in German] This is a dish
made of blutwurst, or blood sausages,
along with apples and potatoes.
Oh.
[in Korean] It's delicious.
[in German] These are potato pancakes.
[Fabian] We eat them with applesauce.
They're both sweet and savory
because of the applesauce.
[in Korean] How symbolic.
We have exactly three pancakes.
[laughter]
[in Korean] If you don't mind me asking,
are Christian and Fabian
both fathers of the children?
-[in German] Yes.
-Yes.
Yes.
Each of them is the biological father
of one of the children.
[in Korean] Have you told your children
who their biological fathers are?
Probably not yet.
[in German] We plan on telling them later
when they ask us.
It's not that important anyway.
We're both their fathers.
In Germany, the word for "dad" is Papa.
You can also say Papi
as a term of endearment.
And our children call us that.
Christian is Papi, and I'm Papa.
It's so that we know
who they're referring to.
[in Korean] The children would be confused
if they were both Papa.
[Dong-youp] I see.
-It's like "dad" and "daddy."
-[laughs]
I asked because each of the children
looks a lot like each of you.
-[in German] People always try to guess.
-[laughter]
They're correct half of the time,
but we never tell them.
What's important to us
is that we're the ones who tell them
when they decide they want to know.
[Fabian] We don't want them
to hear it from others.
A lot of people who live
a monogamous or heteronormative lifestyle
are against the idea
of families having two fathers.
But there are many patchwork families
where they divorce and remarry.
Such families also have two dads.
[in Korean]
How much have you told your children?
Did you tell them
that you're in a polyamorous relationship,
that you all love one another,
and that's why they have two fathers?
[in German] They actually find it strange
that their friends have fewer parents.
We just tell them that there are
different forms of families in this world,
like how there are single-parent families
and same-sex couples.
[Nicole]
I want our children to grow up knowing
that all families are built upon love
and that we're here to take care of them.
[soft acoustic music]
[in Korean] How did you three first meet?
[in German] It's a long story,
but I'll try to make it short.
[laughter]
I think it was 12 years ago.
I was chatting with Nicole
during a smoke break.
I thought she was funny,
and she also seemed to like me.
Then we met twice that year, I believe.
We hardly ever saw each other.
And then I ran into him again at a party,
but I was already dating Christian then.
-Mm.
-[Nicole laughs]
Not long after that,
we decided to have an open relationship.
It was more of a sexual relationship
than a romantic one.
So I spoke to Christian
and asked him if he'd be happy
in a monogamous relationship
or if he thought that he might have
other desires in the future.
[Nicole]
Christian and I then came to an agreement
to invite Fabian into our relationship.
-Oh.
-It just kept getting upgraded.
[laughter]
[in Korean]
I have a question for Christian.
You were in this happy relationship
with Nicole at the time.
Did you feel threatened or upset
when Fabian suddenly showed up?
[in German] How did you feel?
It was like a tornado
when you came between Nicole and me.
[laughter]
When I first met Fabian at the party,
I was a little
He was really hitting it off with Nicole.
[chuckles]
But once I got to know him,
I felt a lot better.
[in Korean] But usually,
in a situation like that,
the better the other guy seems,
the more you dislike him.
Because he's such a great guy.
So it's fascinating to me
to hear Christian say
that he felt better
after getting to know Fabian.
[in German] It's a misconception to think
that you'd love someone less
for such reasons.
[Nicole]
This is how we usually explain it.
For instance,
you might want to have a second child
after you've had your first one.
But that doesn't mean
that you'd love your first child less.
You love both children equally.
[Si-kyung] Ah.
[in Korean] Like I said,
there are two seas.
Are there any ground rules
that all three of you have agreed to?
[in German] It's really the same
as in any other relationship.
It's to be faithful and honest.
[both] Mm.
If Christian or Fabian told me
they wanted to start dating someone else,
I'd tell them to go ahead
since they were honest.
[in Korean] What if they didn't tell you?
[Si-kyung]
Let's say Fabian met someone he liked
and went on a date with them
without telling either one of you.
Would both of you be upset about that?
[in German] We'd both be very hurt
if he didn't tell us.
There's no limit to how many people
you can love in polyamory,
so you can always end up
falling in love with someone.
But we do have to make adjustments
for one another,
like making sure
that we have time for family.
What's most important
is that we communicate.
It's not cheating
as long as we're upfront with it.
[in Korean] And they're fathers,
so I'm sure family comes first.
[Dong-youp] Right.
What we're doing
is covering different cultures
that Koreans are not yet familiar with.
Hearing about
these different ideas and stories
has been quite eye-opening.
There must be
legal disadvantages that you face
since the law only acknowledges
two of you as a married couple.
[in German] That's actually true.
In Germany, you share your assets
with your partner when you get married.
You can sign up
for different insurances together.
You also pay less taxes.
[in Korean]
But you can't get those benefits
when you're not legally married.
[in German]
This is something we talked about
when we were first starting our family,
and the worst-case scenario for us
would be for me,
the children's mother, to die first.
I was worried that the two of them
would separate, breaking up the family.
But my husbands assured me
that they'd always be together.
They even told me
that they'd consider marrying each other
to keep the family together,
which was a very touching moment.
[laughs]
[Si-kyung in Korean] I guess
that's a conversation they need to have.
"What if I wasn't around anymore?"
[Si-kyung] Just in case,
for the sake of your children.
Mm.
Do the three of you and both children
attend every family gathering together?
Or do you attend them separately at times?
[in German] We always go together.
But some people in relationships like ours
do feel the need to hide it.
Some parents make their children
call them uncle or auntie
when they're out in public.
But that would make them think
that there's something wrong
with their family at such a young age.
We never try to deny or hide
the nature of our relationship.
We want to show our children
that anything is possible
and that they're free to love
anyone they want.
[Nicole] There's no need for us
to hide from the world.
What matters to us
is that we can love anyone we want.
[upbeat music]
[upbeat music continues]
[doorbell buzzes]
-[Si-kyung in English] Hello, how are you?
-[Dong-youp] Hello.
-[woman] Come in. Hello.
-I'm Benny.
-You're Benny.
-[in German] This is my wife, Alina,
and this is my girlfriend, Melanie.
-Oh.
-[Alina chuckles]
[Dong-youp in Korean]
You two are married,
and she's your girlfriend,
is that correct?
Do you two get along?
[in German] Yes, we're friends.
We were friends
even before I started dating Benny.
[exclaims in surprise]
BENNY AND ALINA GOT MARRIED IN 2018
BENNY AND MELANIE
STARTED DATING IN 2022
THE THREE OF THEM
ARE IN A POLYAMOROUS RELATIONSHIP
WIFE × HUSBAND × GIRLFRIEND
[in Korean] Do you live in Cologne?
[in German]
No, Benny and I live in Hamburg,
and Melanie lives in Freiburg.
[Alina]Cologne is located right in the middle.
[Melanie] And it's one of Germany's
most important cities.
It's also very friendly
toward sexual minorities.
[Benny]
Many prejudices still exist in Germany,
but no one gives us weird looks
when we all go out together here.
[in Korean]
So Cologne is more open than other cities.
You said Benny reserved the accommodation.
But the two ladies
must have different tastes.
-[in German] I'm doing my best.
-[laughter]
The three of us make decisions together.
-[in Korean] Together, huh?
-Oh.
[in German] The size of the bed
is especially important.
It needs to be big enough
for the three of us to sleep together.
Would you like to see?
-[in Korean] Sure.
-[Benny in German] Let us show you.
Come with us.
-[Melanie] This way.
-[Si-kyung] This way?
-[Dong-youp exclaims loudly]
-[Alina laughs]
[Dong-youp laughs]
[in Korean]
Is the position you're seated in
where you usually sleep?
-[in German] Let's lie down.
-[Alina laughs]
[Si-kyung in Korean] This feels
so different from what we saw earlier.
[laughter]
You said the three of you sleep together.
Do you just sleep together,
or do you also have sex
-on the same
-Just spit it out.
This isn't your first season.
[laughter]
[in German] We only sleep together.
[laughs]
Exactly. Melanie and I are just friends.
We don't have sex.
Sex only happens
when Benny and Melanie are alone together
-or when I'm alone with Benny.
-Mm.
We don't have sex when we're all at home.
It's all about respecting one another.
Melanie wouldn't be very happy
if she was in the next room
while I was having sex with Alina.
[in Korean] How often do you get together?
You live separately.
[in German]
Melanie and I see each other once a month
because we live in different cities.
[Benny]
All three of us meet once every two months
and spend a few days together.
We hang out inside, go out together,
go to the movies, stuff like that.
Basically, stuff you would do as a couple.
[in Korean]
Do you hold hands when you go out?
[in German] Of course. Like this.
[laughter]
[in Korean]
People must think he's very rich.
[laughter]
[in German] Some men are jealous of me,
but some of them ask me if I'm crazy
and say that they could never do it.
-But it comes naturally to me.
-Mm.
We've prepared some food for you.
-Why don't we go and eat?
-[in Korean] Thank you.
We should hold hands too.
[laughter]
[Si-kyung in English] I love the food.
[in Korean] What's this dish called?
[Benny in German] These are grillwursts.
[Alina] And this is called Kölsch.
It's a beer that originated in Cologne.
[Benny in English]
You have to eat all of it.
-[Alina laughs]
-[Si-kyung in Korean] Thank you.
[light music]
It's amazing.
[Alina laughs]
Benny and Alina are a couple,
and Benny and Melanie are dating.
Melanie and Alina also like each other,
but you guys aren't physically involved.
[Si-kyung] So you're close friends,
a married couple, and lovers.
[in German] Mm-hmm. That's right.
It's called a "vee relationship."
-Like the alphabet.
-It's shaped like this.
[Benny] I'm in the middle.
Melanie is on one side,
and Alina is on the other.
If the two of them
had feelings for each other
and were involved sexually,
that would make this a "triad."
[Dong-youp in Korean]
Just like Nicole's family.
[Benny in German]
That's how these relationships expand.
When four partners are involved,
that's called a "quad."
If there are five or more people,
it's a "moresome."
[in Korean] That's hard to grasp.
Would a large enough moresome
be the same as achieving world peace?
-[laughs]
-World peace.
[laughter]
Who first suggested
this polyamorous relationship?
[in German]
When I first started dating Benny,
we promised to tell each other
if there was anything we wanted
without judging each other.
And one day, we asked each other
if we should try having sex
with other people.
[Benny] And then
Melanie joined our relationship in 2022,
and she has been
a part of our life ever since.
[Dong-youp] Mm.
To be honest,
I had been single for 14 years
before I met Benny.
My early relationships weren't great,
so I hadn't been planning
on seeing anyone.
But I realized
that their lifestyle suited me well.
I liked their honesty, trust,
and open-mindedness.
[Si-kyung and Dong-youp] Mm.
[in Korean] I'm really curious
about how that's possible.
Let's say, for instance, Alina said,
"I met someone at work,
and I'd like to get to know them better."
Would you tell her,
"Sure, whatever makes you happy."
"I have faith in our relationship"?
I don't know if I could.
Because if I liked someone,
I'd want that person to be mine only.
[in German]
Let me ask you a question then.
Why are you afraid of losing your lover
to someone else?
Is it because that person
might be better than you?
She wouldn't love me any less
just because she found
someone else that she liked.
Who she wants to date
and let into her life
is her decision to make.
That doesn't mean
that she'll end her relationship with me.
[in Korean] But here's the thing.
It'd be fine if the person she liked
was also polyamorous.
But if they were monogamous,
they might ask her
to break up with you to be with them.
[in German] Of course,
but what she wants to do
is her own decision to make.
I wouldn't have a say in that.
I couldn't stop her from doing that.
[Dong-youp] Mm.
-[in Korean] I understand.
-Okay.
I think I'm starting to understand.
Although it's difficult.
Let's say it's New Year's Eve.
-This is hard.
-[in English] "Happy New Year!"
"Three, two, one. Yay!"
[Si-kyung] And then, you guys have to
[in Korean] Who would you kiss first?
[in German] That would depend on
where I am at that moment.
If I were next to Melanie,
I'd kiss Alina I mean, Melanie.
I got you mixed up for a second.
[laughter]
-[in English] You're in trouble.
-[laughter continues]
[in Korean] Let's say
that Alina and Melanie were both drowning.
-[in English] "Save me!"
-[laughs]
[in Korean] You can only save one.
[in German]
If I could only save one of them,
I obviously couldn't choose one.
I don't ever want
to have to make that decision.
We both know how to swim.
[laughs]
-That's right.
-We can hold on to each other
-so he can save us both.
-[chuckles]
[in Korean]
This isn't what I was going for.
Okay, I got one.
You're on a deserted island.
[laughter]
And you have to be there
for the next 20 years.
Who would you take with you then?
[in German] For 20 years? Okay.
[Benny] Well
He better answer this well.
This is actually
a very difficult question.
Think before you answer.
-[chuckles]
-I'd want to take them both,
even if I had to smuggle them
in my suitcase.
-[in Korean] Fine.
-[women laugh]
[Si-kyung] There are two seas.
He's trying so hard to drive you apart,
but he's failing.
[laughter]
What is it that you like about Benny?
-[in German] He's handsome.
-[laughter]
[in Korean] I'll give you that.
He's a handsome guy.
[in German] And I love how honest he is.
Another thing I like about him
is how great he is
at reading between the lines.
It can be annoying at times,
but it's a huge plus.
He's also very introspective.
He doesn't pin the blame on anyone
and say, "It's all your fault."
[Alina] We can talk to each other
on an equal footing.
-I do my best.
-[chuckles]
[in Korean] Let me ask you this.
[in English] If you rate yourself,
one to ten
[in Korean] what would you give yourself?
[in German] I'd say I'm around seven.
-[in Korean] Modest.
-[laughter]
If you ask me, in terms of looks,
-you're a nine.
-[in German] Thank you.
[in Korean] Your heart is a 9.5.
But I don't know
what you've got going on down here.
[laughter]
[in German] It's a 12.
[laughter]
[in English] Okay.
[Si-kyung in Korean] It's important.
We heard you were a great guitarist.
[in German] I wouldn't say I'm great.
-It's here.
-Should I grab it?
[Benny clears throat]
[in Korean] He's got it all.
[in German]
I only know the first few chords.
[in Korean]
Did he practice one of my songs?
Really?
-[Alina in German] Yeah.
-Just the beginning. I'm not that good.
[in Korean]
Why don't you sing along a little?
-It's called "Two People."
-That won't do.
The three of us ♪
[laughter]
It should be "Three People" instead.
[women laugh]
[gentle guitar strumming]
After a tiring day has passed ♪
The three of us are drinking beer ♪
-[women laugh]
-But we only cast a single shadow ♪
-That works.
-[laughter]
The song is called "Two People."
It's about two people casting
a single shadow under the moonlight
because they're holding hands.
-Mm-hmm.
-But it could also be three people
casting a single shadow.
-[in German] It's a beautiful song.
-Yeah.
Thank you very much.
[laughs]
[in Korean] The lyrics might change
if we ever visit Germany again
and meet you a few years later.
The four of us ♪
-The five of us ♪
-[Si-kyung] That could happen.
And so on.
-[Si-kyung] That's possible.
-[in German] You never know.
-[in Korean] All right.
-[doorbell buzzes]
Who's that?
Wait, is it the fourth person?
Hold on, already?
-[Alina laughs]
-[in German] We got a fourth already.
-[Alina] Hello.
-[woman] Hi.
[in Korean] If someone new appears
out of the blue
-[Si-kyung] Hello.
-[Benny] Angie!
[in German] Hello, Melanie.
Angie?
-Let's get a hug from Big Benny.
-Hello.
-[Benny] Would you like some currywurst?
-[laughter]
-Hi.
-[in English] Hello.
-[in German] This is my mom.
-[in Korean] What?
-Ah, I see the resemblance.
-[Dong-youp exclaims in surprise]
-[in German] Hello, I'm Angie.
-[in English] Nice to meet you.
-[Dong-youp in Korean] Please.
-[in German] Thank you.
[in Korean]
I didn't expect her mom to visit.
-[in German] I surprised you, didn't I?
-Surprise!
MOM, DAUGHTER,
SON-IN-LAW, HIS GIRLFRIEND
[in Korean]
Now that Alina's mother has joined us
-It's getting confusing.
-It really is.
Why don't you introduce
your mother-in-law to us?
[in German] She's my mother-in-law, Angie.
[Benny]
We understand each other very well.
-Very well.
-We understand each other very well,
and we're also very good friends.
She sometimes visits us
when we're in Cologne.
Other times, we go to visit her instead.
Oh.
[in Korean]
Does Melanie call Angie by her name?
How do you address her?
[in German] I also call her Angie.
[in Korean] Let me ask you point-blank.
How did you feel
when your daughter told you
that your son-in-law
started dating someone
and that she was okay with it?
[in German] In Germany,
like in other countries,
it's traditional for a man and a woman
to get together
and spend their lives together.
So at first, I was like, "What?"
I didn't even know what polyamory was.
But I eventually came to understand them
after we grew closer together
and talked about it more.
If being polyamorous makes them happy,
who am I to stop them?
It's not a problem.
-That includes Melanie, of course.
-[Alina chuckles]
[in Korean] Parents always put
their children's happiness first.
Korean parents are quite conservative,
so they'll scream at you, saying, "No!"
The mom would faint.
[laughter]
[in German] There are
conservative families in Germany too.
[Si-kyung in Korean] Would you say
that you're especially open-minded?
[in German] Yes, totally.
I think it's important to be open-minded.
I now understand their relationship
and even feel that it's good for them.
I can't speak for everyone,
but for us three,
polyamory has enriched our lives.
It's like adding toppings on a pizza.
That's a good analogy.
[in Korean]
Mine doesn't even have any cheese on it.
[in German] The toppings will arrive soon.
[laughter]
[in Korean] Here's how I understand it.
Rather than telling your children
not to go down a new road
that you haven't been on,
you tell them to go ahead
if it'll make them happy.
To me, that's amazing.
[in German]
There's a portion of the German population
that is open to such things.
I think that's why they're so eager
to let others know.
I admire that they decided
to be open about their relationship.
[Angie] It couldn't have been easy.
[Benny] We're just like everyone else.
Most people say
our relationship is perverse.
They call me all kinds of names.
[chuckles]
[Nicole] They say we don't know
what a real relationship is
and that this is adultery.
[Benny] People often hate us
and express their contempt for us.
We're not saying polyamory is the best
and that everyone should do it.
What's important is that everyone is free
to live the way they want.
[funky, jazzy music]
[in Korean]
I just have so much on my mind.
[Dong-youp]We traveled from Amsterdam to Germany
and met so many different people.
It all felt so surreal.
[scatting, speaks in English]
Yeah!
[in Korean]
I'm sure this doesn't represent
all of Germany and the Netherlands.
-Of course not.
-We just got to meet very special people.
-But this is the biggest difference.
-Mm.
I'm sure not everyone here likes
what other people are doing,
but they're still willing to accept it.
Yeah, I found that remarkable too.
It was a real eye-opener.
What if I told you
there was a country
that's even more sexually progressive
than Germany and the Netherlands?
Even more so than them?
I highly doubt it.
Apparently, there is.
[upbeat music]
WHERE WILL THEY GO NEXT?
-[Si-kyung] Which country is it?
-[Dong-youp] Well, it's
[squeaky, distorted chatter]
[Si-kyung] Unbelievable.
[chuckles]
Subtitle translation by: Sonya Hong
[whimsical sting]
[exciting music]
[woman in German]
They're both my husbands.
[man] This is my wife, Alina,
and this is my girlfriend, Melanie.
POLYAMORY: A PORTMANTEAU
OF POLY (MANY) AND AMOR (LOVE)
[exciting music continues]
COLOGNE, GERMANY
[in Korean] People say
love has no borders and knows no age.
-And I get that much.
-Mm.
[scoffs]
But I always thought
it was between two people.
-I've never felt so alone.
-[soft chuckle]
You have your wife.
But I have no one.
-Maybe this tree will love me.
-[chuckles]
How can people have more than one partner?
But I am curious to hear
why people practice polyamory
and what it's all about.
Same here.
A RESIDENTIAL AREA IN COLOGNE, GERMANY
[woman in German] Hello, come in.
-[in Korean] Hello.
-[woman in English] Hi.
-[in Korean] Hello.
-[woman in German] Welcome.
-Hello.
-Please come in.
-[Si-kyung in Korean] Hello.
-They have babies.
[in German] Welcome to our home.
[in Korean]
Thank you for the warm welcome.
[in German] I'm Nicole.
These are my partners,
Fabian and Christian.
And these are our children.
They're both boys.
-[in Korean] I see.
-Right.
I see.
[in German] They're both my husbands.
[chuckles]
[light music]
ONE WIFE × TWO HUSBANDS
AND TWO CHILDREN
[Si-kyung in Korean] But hold on.
Fabian isn't in this wedding photo, is he?
[in German] No. Only two people
can be married in Germany.
The law doesn't allow
for three people to be married.
[Fabian] Christian and Nicole
had been lovers for a long time then.
I was playing a song with my friend
as she was walking down the aisle.
FABIAN
[Nicole]
Fabian and I were just close friends then.
I didn't know that three people
could be in love back then.
[Dong-youp in Korean] Right.
-[laughs]
-[laughs]
So you used to be friends,
but now you're partners, correct?
[in German] Yes, exactly.
[Nicole] We went from being close friends
to being three people in a relationship.
CHRISTIAN AND NICOLE GOT MARRIED FIRST,
THEN FABIAN JOINED THEM
AND THEY STARTED A POLYAMOROUS FAMILY
That's correct.
[chuckles]
Oh.
[in Korean] We'll need to hear the details
after we get a house tour.
[in German] We have a huge bed
because we all sleep together.
-Ah.
-[Nicole] It's enormous.
Come with me. I'll show you.
[Nicole]
Let me show you the master bedroom.
This room is
Oh!
-[Fabian grunts]
-[Dong-youp exclaims]
[in Korean] Are these your spots
when you go to sleep?
[in German]
Yes, I usually sleep in the middle,
and they sleep on each side of me.
-[Nicole laughs]
-[Dong-youp laughs]
[Si-kyung in Korean]
It could fit all five of us.
[Dong-youp chuckles]
So Nicole and Fabian are in love,
and Nicole and Christian are in love.
[Si-kyung]
Are Fabian and Christian friends then?
[in German] They're also lovers.
We're in a romantic relationship.
-Fabian is also my partner.
-Oh.
[Nicole laughs]
[in Korean] So Fabian and Christian
are also in a romantic relationship?
-[in German] Exactly.
-Ah
We're not physically attracted
to each other.
We're more romantic in an emotional sense.
[in Korean] Well, that's just
[laughter]
So Nicole has a physical relationship
with both Christian and Fabian.
[in German] Christian and Fabian
don't have sex with each other.
-Oh.
-We don't have threesomes often
because it can get very complicated.
We just experiment with it sometimes.
[chuckles]
[in Korean] So let's say one of you
starts getting intimate with Nicole.
Does the other person step out
and take a really long walk?
[in German] In cases like that,
that person takes the children outside
so the other two can get it on.
[laughter]
That's a huge advantage
of having a relationship like this.
[laughs]
[in Korean]
So it starts once that person steps out.
How does it feel when you have to
leave the room for the other two?
Um
[in German] I'm happy to let them
have a little alone time.
This is what we call "compersion."
It means being happy for others.
It's the antonym of jealousy.
It's when you find joy
in the happiness of others.
-Mm.
-[Si-kyung] Ah.
[in Korean] All right.
This could be a childish question.
Let's say it's New Year's Eve.
[in English] "Three, two, one.
Happy New Year! Yay!"
[in Korean] Who do you kiss first?
Mm.
[in German] There's no order to it.
I'd just kiss whoever is closer to me.
[Nicole laughs]
We could both kiss her
on the cheeks like this.
[Nicole laughing]
Aw.
[in Korean] In that case,
let's say Christian and Fabian
are drowning in the ocean.
-[Si-kyung] Who would you rescue first?
-[chuckles]
It's a childish question
we often ask in Korea.
[in German] The point of the question is
to determine who matters more to someone.
It's trying to look at our relationship
within the frame of monogamy.
I love them both equally,
so I don't even want to think about it.
It's the same as asking me
which of my children I would rescue first.
No one would want to imagine
such a scenario.
It's something you couldn't imagine
in a polyamorous relationship.
[in English] Okay, my apologies.
[laughs]
[in Korean] The way I see it,
there are two seas
for Nicole, Christian, and Fabian.
-Mm.
-If they were both drowning,
Nicole would split herself up
to save them both.
They're in a whole other dimension
that's unimaginable to us.
-[Dong-youp] Mm.
-That's what it feels like.
[in German]
If something like that happened,
-we would all just drown together.
-[laughter]
[in Korean] I don't even have anyone
to rescue in my sea.
-[Si-kyung] Not a soul.
-Oh
Not even fish.
[in German] Why don't we eat?
Our children will join us.
We ordered some food.
We don't eat meat anymore,
but we ordered
some traditional German food for you two.
[Si-kyung in English]
Do you guys need help?
[Nicole] Help? Not really.
-[Si-kyung] I can
-[Nicole] But thank you.
Yeah, yeah.
Let's see what we have here.
[in Korean] We can't help
but approach this within our norms.
It's like trying to plug
a Galaxy charger into an iPhone.
-Exactly.
-[Si-kyung] It's not compatible.
-[in German] Say hello to the guests.
-[in English] Hello.
-[boy] Hi.
-Hi.
[in Korean] So adorable.
-[in German] Do you have children?
-[in Korean] Yes, I do.
I have a daughter who's 15
and a son who's 12.
And I have an inflammation
-[comical music]
-in my ankle.
[Nicole in German]
We have one more dish. It's called rösti.
Rösti. Okay.
-[in Korean] There's so much food.
-They prepared so much food for us.
[Christian in German]
This should be the last one.
[boy] Wow, what's all that in the pot?
[soft laughter]
[in Korean] So just to clarify,
are you married to Christian
but not to Fabian?
Are you planning on having another child?
[in German] We're not sure yet,
but we already have our hands full
with two kids.
Even with all three of us.
[laughter]
[in Korean] Since there are three of you,
it must be less tiring to look after them.
[in German]
It's one of the many advantages
of having a three-person relationship.
[Nicole] While two of us
are taking care of the children,
the remaining person
can enjoy their hobbies.
Mm.
[Dong-youp in Korean]
Since the kids are done eating
[in German] Wanna go to the garden?
[in Korean] Can we start eating?
[in German] Yes, go ahead.
[laughs]
[in Korean] This must be blood sausage.
[Fabian in German] This is a dish
made of blutwurst, or blood sausages,
along with apples and potatoes.
Oh.
[in Korean] It's delicious.
[in German] These are potato pancakes.
[Fabian] We eat them with applesauce.
They're both sweet and savory
because of the applesauce.
[in Korean] How symbolic.
We have exactly three pancakes.
[laughter]
[in Korean] If you don't mind me asking,
are Christian and Fabian
both fathers of the children?
-[in German] Yes.
-Yes.
Yes.
Each of them is the biological father
of one of the children.
[in Korean] Have you told your children
who their biological fathers are?
Probably not yet.
[in German] We plan on telling them later
when they ask us.
It's not that important anyway.
We're both their fathers.
In Germany, the word for "dad" is Papa.
You can also say Papi
as a term of endearment.
And our children call us that.
Christian is Papi, and I'm Papa.
It's so that we know
who they're referring to.
[in Korean] The children would be confused
if they were both Papa.
[Dong-youp] I see.
-It's like "dad" and "daddy."
-[laughs]
I asked because each of the children
looks a lot like each of you.
-[in German] People always try to guess.
-[laughter]
They're correct half of the time,
but we never tell them.
What's important to us
is that we're the ones who tell them
when they decide they want to know.
[Fabian] We don't want them
to hear it from others.
A lot of people who live
a monogamous or heteronormative lifestyle
are against the idea
of families having two fathers.
But there are many patchwork families
where they divorce and remarry.
Such families also have two dads.
[in Korean]
How much have you told your children?
Did you tell them
that you're in a polyamorous relationship,
that you all love one another,
and that's why they have two fathers?
[in German] They actually find it strange
that their friends have fewer parents.
We just tell them that there are
different forms of families in this world,
like how there are single-parent families
and same-sex couples.
[Nicole]
I want our children to grow up knowing
that all families are built upon love
and that we're here to take care of them.
[soft acoustic music]
[in Korean] How did you three first meet?
[in German] It's a long story,
but I'll try to make it short.
[laughter]
I think it was 12 years ago.
I was chatting with Nicole
during a smoke break.
I thought she was funny,
and she also seemed to like me.
Then we met twice that year, I believe.
We hardly ever saw each other.
And then I ran into him again at a party,
but I was already dating Christian then.
-Mm.
-[Nicole laughs]
Not long after that,
we decided to have an open relationship.
It was more of a sexual relationship
than a romantic one.
So I spoke to Christian
and asked him if he'd be happy
in a monogamous relationship
or if he thought that he might have
other desires in the future.
[Nicole]
Christian and I then came to an agreement
to invite Fabian into our relationship.
-Oh.
-It just kept getting upgraded.
[laughter]
[in Korean]
I have a question for Christian.
You were in this happy relationship
with Nicole at the time.
Did you feel threatened or upset
when Fabian suddenly showed up?
[in German] How did you feel?
It was like a tornado
when you came between Nicole and me.
[laughter]
When I first met Fabian at the party,
I was a little
He was really hitting it off with Nicole.
[chuckles]
But once I got to know him,
I felt a lot better.
[in Korean] But usually,
in a situation like that,
the better the other guy seems,
the more you dislike him.
Because he's such a great guy.
So it's fascinating to me
to hear Christian say
that he felt better
after getting to know Fabian.
[in German] It's a misconception to think
that you'd love someone less
for such reasons.
[Nicole]
This is how we usually explain it.
For instance,
you might want to have a second child
after you've had your first one.
But that doesn't mean
that you'd love your first child less.
You love both children equally.
[Si-kyung] Ah.
[in Korean] Like I said,
there are two seas.
Are there any ground rules
that all three of you have agreed to?
[in German] It's really the same
as in any other relationship.
It's to be faithful and honest.
[both] Mm.
If Christian or Fabian told me
they wanted to start dating someone else,
I'd tell them to go ahead
since they were honest.
[in Korean] What if they didn't tell you?
[Si-kyung]
Let's say Fabian met someone he liked
and went on a date with them
without telling either one of you.
Would both of you be upset about that?
[in German] We'd both be very hurt
if he didn't tell us.
There's no limit to how many people
you can love in polyamory,
so you can always end up
falling in love with someone.
But we do have to make adjustments
for one another,
like making sure
that we have time for family.
What's most important
is that we communicate.
It's not cheating
as long as we're upfront with it.
[in Korean] And they're fathers,
so I'm sure family comes first.
[Dong-youp] Right.
What we're doing
is covering different cultures
that Koreans are not yet familiar with.
Hearing about
these different ideas and stories
has been quite eye-opening.
There must be
legal disadvantages that you face
since the law only acknowledges
two of you as a married couple.
[in German] That's actually true.
In Germany, you share your assets
with your partner when you get married.
You can sign up
for different insurances together.
You also pay less taxes.
[in Korean]
But you can't get those benefits
when you're not legally married.
[in German]
This is something we talked about
when we were first starting our family,
and the worst-case scenario for us
would be for me,
the children's mother, to die first.
I was worried that the two of them
would separate, breaking up the family.
But my husbands assured me
that they'd always be together.
They even told me
that they'd consider marrying each other
to keep the family together,
which was a very touching moment.
[laughs]
[Si-kyung in Korean] I guess
that's a conversation they need to have.
"What if I wasn't around anymore?"
[Si-kyung] Just in case,
for the sake of your children.
Mm.
Do the three of you and both children
attend every family gathering together?
Or do you attend them separately at times?
[in German] We always go together.
But some people in relationships like ours
do feel the need to hide it.
Some parents make their children
call them uncle or auntie
when they're out in public.
But that would make them think
that there's something wrong
with their family at such a young age.
We never try to deny or hide
the nature of our relationship.
We want to show our children
that anything is possible
and that they're free to love
anyone they want.
[Nicole] There's no need for us
to hide from the world.
What matters to us
is that we can love anyone we want.
[upbeat music]
[upbeat music continues]
[doorbell buzzes]
-[Si-kyung in English] Hello, how are you?
-[Dong-youp] Hello.
-[woman] Come in. Hello.
-I'm Benny.
-You're Benny.
-[in German] This is my wife, Alina,
and this is my girlfriend, Melanie.
-Oh.
-[Alina chuckles]
[Dong-youp in Korean]
You two are married,
and she's your girlfriend,
is that correct?
Do you two get along?
[in German] Yes, we're friends.
We were friends
even before I started dating Benny.
[exclaims in surprise]
BENNY AND ALINA GOT MARRIED IN 2018
BENNY AND MELANIE
STARTED DATING IN 2022
THE THREE OF THEM
ARE IN A POLYAMOROUS RELATIONSHIP
WIFE × HUSBAND × GIRLFRIEND
[in Korean] Do you live in Cologne?
[in German]
No, Benny and I live in Hamburg,
and Melanie lives in Freiburg.
[Alina]Cologne is located right in the middle.
[Melanie] And it's one of Germany's
most important cities.
It's also very friendly
toward sexual minorities.
[Benny]
Many prejudices still exist in Germany,
but no one gives us weird looks
when we all go out together here.
[in Korean]
So Cologne is more open than other cities.
You said Benny reserved the accommodation.
But the two ladies
must have different tastes.
-[in German] I'm doing my best.
-[laughter]
The three of us make decisions together.
-[in Korean] Together, huh?
-Oh.
[in German] The size of the bed
is especially important.
It needs to be big enough
for the three of us to sleep together.
Would you like to see?
-[in Korean] Sure.
-[Benny in German] Let us show you.
Come with us.
-[Melanie] This way.
-[Si-kyung] This way?
-[Dong-youp exclaims loudly]
-[Alina laughs]
[Dong-youp laughs]
[in Korean]
Is the position you're seated in
where you usually sleep?
-[in German] Let's lie down.
-[Alina laughs]
[Si-kyung in Korean] This feels
so different from what we saw earlier.
[laughter]
You said the three of you sleep together.
Do you just sleep together,
or do you also have sex
-on the same
-Just spit it out.
This isn't your first season.
[laughter]
[in German] We only sleep together.
[laughs]
Exactly. Melanie and I are just friends.
We don't have sex.
Sex only happens
when Benny and Melanie are alone together
-or when I'm alone with Benny.
-Mm.
We don't have sex when we're all at home.
It's all about respecting one another.
Melanie wouldn't be very happy
if she was in the next room
while I was having sex with Alina.
[in Korean] How often do you get together?
You live separately.
[in German]
Melanie and I see each other once a month
because we live in different cities.
[Benny]
All three of us meet once every two months
and spend a few days together.
We hang out inside, go out together,
go to the movies, stuff like that.
Basically, stuff you would do as a couple.
[in Korean]
Do you hold hands when you go out?
[in German] Of course. Like this.
[laughter]
[in Korean]
People must think he's very rich.
[laughter]
[in German] Some men are jealous of me,
but some of them ask me if I'm crazy
and say that they could never do it.
-But it comes naturally to me.
-Mm.
We've prepared some food for you.
-Why don't we go and eat?
-[in Korean] Thank you.
We should hold hands too.
[laughter]
[Si-kyung in English] I love the food.
[in Korean] What's this dish called?
[Benny in German] These are grillwursts.
[Alina] And this is called Kölsch.
It's a beer that originated in Cologne.
[Benny in English]
You have to eat all of it.
-[Alina laughs]
-[Si-kyung in Korean] Thank you.
[light music]
It's amazing.
[Alina laughs]
Benny and Alina are a couple,
and Benny and Melanie are dating.
Melanie and Alina also like each other,
but you guys aren't physically involved.
[Si-kyung] So you're close friends,
a married couple, and lovers.
[in German] Mm-hmm. That's right.
It's called a "vee relationship."
-Like the alphabet.
-It's shaped like this.
[Benny] I'm in the middle.
Melanie is on one side,
and Alina is on the other.
If the two of them
had feelings for each other
and were involved sexually,
that would make this a "triad."
[Dong-youp in Korean]
Just like Nicole's family.
[Benny in German]
That's how these relationships expand.
When four partners are involved,
that's called a "quad."
If there are five or more people,
it's a "moresome."
[in Korean] That's hard to grasp.
Would a large enough moresome
be the same as achieving world peace?
-[laughs]
-World peace.
[laughter]
Who first suggested
this polyamorous relationship?
[in German]
When I first started dating Benny,
we promised to tell each other
if there was anything we wanted
without judging each other.
And one day, we asked each other
if we should try having sex
with other people.
[Benny] And then
Melanie joined our relationship in 2022,
and she has been
a part of our life ever since.
[Dong-youp] Mm.
To be honest,
I had been single for 14 years
before I met Benny.
My early relationships weren't great,
so I hadn't been planning
on seeing anyone.
But I realized
that their lifestyle suited me well.
I liked their honesty, trust,
and open-mindedness.
[Si-kyung and Dong-youp] Mm.
[in Korean] I'm really curious
about how that's possible.
Let's say, for instance, Alina said,
"I met someone at work,
and I'd like to get to know them better."
Would you tell her,
"Sure, whatever makes you happy."
"I have faith in our relationship"?
I don't know if I could.
Because if I liked someone,
I'd want that person to be mine only.
[in German]
Let me ask you a question then.
Why are you afraid of losing your lover
to someone else?
Is it because that person
might be better than you?
She wouldn't love me any less
just because she found
someone else that she liked.
Who she wants to date
and let into her life
is her decision to make.
That doesn't mean
that she'll end her relationship with me.
[in Korean] But here's the thing.
It'd be fine if the person she liked
was also polyamorous.
But if they were monogamous,
they might ask her
to break up with you to be with them.
[in German] Of course,
but what she wants to do
is her own decision to make.
I wouldn't have a say in that.
I couldn't stop her from doing that.
[Dong-youp] Mm.
-[in Korean] I understand.
-Okay.
I think I'm starting to understand.
Although it's difficult.
Let's say it's New Year's Eve.
-This is hard.
-[in English] "Happy New Year!"
"Three, two, one. Yay!"
[Si-kyung] And then, you guys have to
[in Korean] Who would you kiss first?
[in German] That would depend on
where I am at that moment.
If I were next to Melanie,
I'd kiss Alina I mean, Melanie.
I got you mixed up for a second.
[laughter]
-[in English] You're in trouble.
-[laughter continues]
[in Korean] Let's say
that Alina and Melanie were both drowning.
-[in English] "Save me!"
-[laughs]
[in Korean] You can only save one.
[in German]
If I could only save one of them,
I obviously couldn't choose one.
I don't ever want
to have to make that decision.
We both know how to swim.
[laughs]
-That's right.
-We can hold on to each other
-so he can save us both.
-[chuckles]
[in Korean]
This isn't what I was going for.
Okay, I got one.
You're on a deserted island.
[laughter]
And you have to be there
for the next 20 years.
Who would you take with you then?
[in German] For 20 years? Okay.
[Benny] Well
He better answer this well.
This is actually
a very difficult question.
Think before you answer.
-[chuckles]
-I'd want to take them both,
even if I had to smuggle them
in my suitcase.
-[in Korean] Fine.
-[women laugh]
[Si-kyung] There are two seas.
He's trying so hard to drive you apart,
but he's failing.
[laughter]
What is it that you like about Benny?
-[in German] He's handsome.
-[laughter]
[in Korean] I'll give you that.
He's a handsome guy.
[in German] And I love how honest he is.
Another thing I like about him
is how great he is
at reading between the lines.
It can be annoying at times,
but it's a huge plus.
He's also very introspective.
He doesn't pin the blame on anyone
and say, "It's all your fault."
[Alina] We can talk to each other
on an equal footing.
-I do my best.
-[chuckles]
[in Korean] Let me ask you this.
[in English] If you rate yourself,
one to ten
[in Korean] what would you give yourself?
[in German] I'd say I'm around seven.
-[in Korean] Modest.
-[laughter]
If you ask me, in terms of looks,
-you're a nine.
-[in German] Thank you.
[in Korean] Your heart is a 9.5.
But I don't know
what you've got going on down here.
[laughter]
[in German] It's a 12.
[laughter]
[in English] Okay.
[Si-kyung in Korean] It's important.
We heard you were a great guitarist.
[in German] I wouldn't say I'm great.
-It's here.
-Should I grab it?
[Benny clears throat]
[in Korean] He's got it all.
[in German]
I only know the first few chords.
[in Korean]
Did he practice one of my songs?
Really?
-[Alina in German] Yeah.
-Just the beginning. I'm not that good.
[in Korean]
Why don't you sing along a little?
-It's called "Two People."
-That won't do.
The three of us ♪
[laughter]
It should be "Three People" instead.
[women laugh]
[gentle guitar strumming]
After a tiring day has passed ♪
The three of us are drinking beer ♪
-[women laugh]
-But we only cast a single shadow ♪
-That works.
-[laughter]
The song is called "Two People."
It's about two people casting
a single shadow under the moonlight
because they're holding hands.
-Mm-hmm.
-But it could also be three people
casting a single shadow.
-[in German] It's a beautiful song.
-Yeah.
Thank you very much.
[laughs]
[in Korean] The lyrics might change
if we ever visit Germany again
and meet you a few years later.
The four of us ♪
-The five of us ♪
-[Si-kyung] That could happen.
And so on.
-[Si-kyung] That's possible.
-[in German] You never know.
-[in Korean] All right.
-[doorbell buzzes]
Who's that?
Wait, is it the fourth person?
Hold on, already?
-[Alina laughs]
-[in German] We got a fourth already.
-[Alina] Hello.
-[woman] Hi.
[in Korean] If someone new appears
out of the blue
-[Si-kyung] Hello.
-[Benny] Angie!
[in German] Hello, Melanie.
Angie?
-Let's get a hug from Big Benny.
-Hello.
-[Benny] Would you like some currywurst?
-[laughter]
-Hi.
-[in English] Hello.
-[in German] This is my mom.
-[in Korean] What?
-Ah, I see the resemblance.
-[Dong-youp exclaims in surprise]
-[in German] Hello, I'm Angie.
-[in English] Nice to meet you.
-[Dong-youp in Korean] Please.
-[in German] Thank you.
[in Korean]
I didn't expect her mom to visit.
-[in German] I surprised you, didn't I?
-Surprise!
MOM, DAUGHTER,
SON-IN-LAW, HIS GIRLFRIEND
[in Korean]
Now that Alina's mother has joined us
-It's getting confusing.
-It really is.
Why don't you introduce
your mother-in-law to us?
[in German] She's my mother-in-law, Angie.
[Benny]
We understand each other very well.
-Very well.
-We understand each other very well,
and we're also very good friends.
She sometimes visits us
when we're in Cologne.
Other times, we go to visit her instead.
Oh.
[in Korean]
Does Melanie call Angie by her name?
How do you address her?
[in German] I also call her Angie.
[in Korean] Let me ask you point-blank.
How did you feel
when your daughter told you
that your son-in-law
started dating someone
and that she was okay with it?
[in German] In Germany,
like in other countries,
it's traditional for a man and a woman
to get together
and spend their lives together.
So at first, I was like, "What?"
I didn't even know what polyamory was.
But I eventually came to understand them
after we grew closer together
and talked about it more.
If being polyamorous makes them happy,
who am I to stop them?
It's not a problem.
-That includes Melanie, of course.
-[Alina chuckles]
[in Korean] Parents always put
their children's happiness first.
Korean parents are quite conservative,
so they'll scream at you, saying, "No!"
The mom would faint.
[laughter]
[in German] There are
conservative families in Germany too.
[Si-kyung in Korean] Would you say
that you're especially open-minded?
[in German] Yes, totally.
I think it's important to be open-minded.
I now understand their relationship
and even feel that it's good for them.
I can't speak for everyone,
but for us three,
polyamory has enriched our lives.
It's like adding toppings on a pizza.
That's a good analogy.
[in Korean]
Mine doesn't even have any cheese on it.
[in German] The toppings will arrive soon.
[laughter]
[in Korean] Here's how I understand it.
Rather than telling your children
not to go down a new road
that you haven't been on,
you tell them to go ahead
if it'll make them happy.
To me, that's amazing.
[in German]
There's a portion of the German population
that is open to such things.
I think that's why they're so eager
to let others know.
I admire that they decided
to be open about their relationship.
[Angie] It couldn't have been easy.
[Benny] We're just like everyone else.
Most people say
our relationship is perverse.
They call me all kinds of names.
[chuckles]
[Nicole] They say we don't know
what a real relationship is
and that this is adultery.
[Benny] People often hate us
and express their contempt for us.
We're not saying polyamory is the best
and that everyone should do it.
What's important is that everyone is free
to live the way they want.
[funky, jazzy music]
[in Korean]
I just have so much on my mind.
[Dong-youp]We traveled from Amsterdam to Germany
and met so many different people.
It all felt so surreal.
[scatting, speaks in English]
Yeah!
[in Korean]
I'm sure this doesn't represent
all of Germany and the Netherlands.
-Of course not.
-We just got to meet very special people.
-But this is the biggest difference.
-Mm.
I'm sure not everyone here likes
what other people are doing,
but they're still willing to accept it.
Yeah, I found that remarkable too.
It was a real eye-opener.
What if I told you
there was a country
that's even more sexually progressive
than Germany and the Netherlands?
Even more so than them?
I highly doubt it.
Apparently, there is.
[upbeat music]
WHERE WILL THEY GO NEXT?
-[Si-kyung] Which country is it?
-[Dong-youp] Well, it's
[squeaky, distorted chatter]
[Si-kyung] Unbelievable.
[chuckles]
Subtitle translation by: Sonya Hong