Rome s01e06 Episode Script

- l was thinking-- - Hmm? l was thinking you and l might go away to Baia.
Hmm? After next market day.
lt's supposed to be nice there - and seeing how crowded it's been-- - That's a lovely idea, but-- But what? l can't leave Lyde alone.
- She needs me.
- She needs you.
Evander's been missing for two months.
Something bad has happened.
Very likely something bad has happened.
Very likely he is dead! Pullo, awake! Wake up! Mark Antony's waiting.
Mump off and die, you pigfucker.
Right.
Aw, thank you, my honey.
You shouldn't thank slaves.
- No harm in it.
- lt's bad for discipline.
Happy again this morning? Niobe, then? - How's she going? - l don't understand her.
All the hoo over her sister's damn husband.
Women, eh? Maybe she's-- she's-- She's what? l don't know.
Women, eh? Mighty vice-conqueror of Gaul, Mars and Bellona swell with pride at your doings.
- And l say-- - Oh, good Juno, what cac you speak.
Would you just get on with your point, man? lmmediately, Your Honor.
l-- Publius Servilius is here.
Ah, good.
That'll do for this crowd then.
Off with you.
- l-- - No, off with you! Master of Horse and People's Tribune Mark Antony will receive your petitions tomorrow.
Vorenus! Out! Cynthia, a pear, my love, hmm? Servilius, my dear old friend.
- How are you? - Healthy healthy, l thank you.
Forgive me, have we met before? Have we not? No idea.
l always pretend so with civilians.
lt's more politic, nay? And this must be your beautiful wife, whose name escapes me.
Poppaea.
A flower.
You'll excuse all the bustle.
l found Pompey's taste in decor rather dull.
l like a little more color.
- As you say.
- You shall make it lovely, we are sure.
You'll forgive me if l talk business with your husband? Of course.
- Pretend l am not here.
- lmpossible, but l shall try.
Now then l'm sure you're aware that Caesar has left me in charge whilst he is in Greece.
Yes.
Off having fun chastising Pompey et al.
Left me here to scribble and quibble like a damned civilian.
However, l am determined to make the most of it.
l shall be a good politician, even if it kills me.
Or if it kills anyone else for that matter.
So you are, it seems, the most senior senator left in Rome.
l have that honor.
- And a turnabout Pompeian to boot.
- l-- Which is why l thought it could be amusing if we made you consul for this year.
Consul? That's most kind-- Allow me to finish speaking.
When the Senate next meets, there are a couple of legislative items l wish to see enacted immediately.
l am sure you will be happy to assist.
- l-- l-- - ltem one: The Senate will ratify Caesar's election as your co-consul for the coming year.
But he is dictator in any case.
lt sounds so much better if he is consul.
lt's more amicable.
- You got that? - l-- l do.
- l-- l have.
- ltem two: You will propose the following law: Forthwith, in every province of ltaly, one third of all those employed at laboring with cattle or in agriculture must be freedmen or citizens.
l don't understand.
Too many slaves, you see? They've taken all the work, which causes unemployment amongst the free populace.
Now, we need to create more jobs for our citizens.
But it will be hugely expensive! Mmm.
lt will.
But only to those few rich men who own all the land.
And they shall have the consolation of having done something eminently patriotic.
lt seems rather extreme to say the least.
Ruinous even.
You may well be right.
But frankly, l do not care whether it is the rich, poor, or, indeed both that suffer.
Caesar wishes this law to be made.
He is my friend, l will have it made.
lf you prefer, l could always bypass the Senate, call an Assembly of the People and you can put your arguments to them.
A fine orator like yourself might just persuade them that Caesar is wrong.
- That won't be necessary.
- Good.
Good.
That's it then.
- l don't know what to say.
- Say nothing then.
lt's often best.
You know Posca of course, Caesar's creature? He'll take all the details.
Poppaea my dove, if your husband should die come to me, we will marry, neh? So, keeping their promises, isn't he? What? Caesar and Mark Antony, doing right by the people.
That was your worry, wasn't it? That Caesar'd turn out to be just another tyrant sort? But here's him and Mark Antony getting jobs for the unemployed.
You can't complain about that now, can you? He negotiates with a whore and a dwarf at his side.
Think you Cincinnatus or Marius or even the Grachii - would demean themselves so? - Who? Mark Antony has his odd ways, there's no denying that.
l'm not going home.
l need a drink.
- Drink? You? - l.
Drink.
What of it? l'll not argue.
- Ouch! - Sorry.
- You need to calm down.
- How can l be calm? Two months of this.
- Aren't you done yet? - Will you sit still? Won't catch a pretty new husband with a sour face like that.
l don't want a new husband.
l want Crito.
You can't stay married to a drover, not now that your father's a prefect.
- lt wouldn't be right.
- l told her.
Far too low.
Fortune blessed you, you haven't paid out dowry.
Don't worry, we'll find you someone nice, - and proper status.
- l don't want anyone! You can't be unmarried.
lt wouldn't be decent at your age.
- Decent she says.
- What's that supposed to mean? You know what it means.
- You hold your tongue.
- Or what? What will you do? lt's all right, sweetie.
lt's all right.
l thought it was going well for a while, but now Maybe l should beat her, do you think? l don't know.
That only works if you keep at it.
A good thrashing once or twice a day till they're docile.
But then they don't look so good.
Be a shame to mark up a beauty like her.
She is, eh? She's a beauty.
She is that.
l give her slaves, money, everything.
What do l get? Nothing, that's what.
l get a house full of wailing.
My wife won't even couple with me.
Why not? Says she can't while her sister stays.
What's her sister to do with it? What difference should that make? What is wrong with her? What is wrong with her? What is wrong with me that l'm served this way? You should leave her, maybe, seeing as she makes you so unhappy.
No! l will not leave her.
l'd rather die than leave her.
lt's all right, lamb.
lt'll be all right.
Who, l say, faced with the overwhelming force of the figures and the arguments l have here marshalled could resist their overwhelming conclusion? Therefore l ask you, honored conscript fathers, to support me in this important and patriotic legislation which will-- Does anyone wish to speak against the motion? No opposition voiced.
No division required.
Motion carried.
Empty.
Empty lf there's no wine, water will do.
Thank you, my dove.
So, Lyde, l was asking around, you know, about your man there, Evander.
Asking around? See if l could find out anything for you.
Only, l know a few shady characters see? Types that might know what's what when a man's gone missing.
Anyroad, they tell me that he got himself into some trouble with some nasty Greek boys across the river.
- Gambling debts they say.
- Gambling? Evander never gambled.
Well sure, it's the sort of thing a man keeps quiet around his wife, isn't it? What are you saying? l'm sorry to say it, but it looks like he's not coming home.
Dead, looks like.
Are you sure? So they tell me.
Dead.
Killed.
lt isn't true.
My advice, best forget about him.
Best get on with your life.
lt isn't true.
lt's not so bad.
You've still got people that love you.
Look to them, eh? lsn't that right Niobe? Best she gets on with her life.
Best she looks to the people that love her.
Forget Evander.
Forget the past.
Well, l'm away.
Need a drop of wine to set me up for the day.
Lyde, please don't.
Shh.
l'm so sorry.
l'm sorry.
You're sorry? lt's too late for sorry, isn't it? You weren't sorry when you were fucking him, were you? You weren't sorry then.
l piss on your sorrow! - Shh! - l will not shh.
You shh! You're a thief and a whore and you stole my husband! l stole nothing! He came to me! He came to me! l never loved him.
l love my husband! And if you'd done-- if you'd been-- lf l had done what? lf l had given him a child.
ls that it? l am sorry.
Please forgive me.
Please forgive me! - Forgive me! - l curse you, sister.
By grace of the Furies, l curse you.
l'll keep your secret for the sake of the child, but don't you ever ever speak to me again.
Be careful! Ah! Bravo.
Bravo.
A little blood lust suits you, Octavian.
You look very handsome.
Does he not? - He does.
- Titus Pullo is a good teacher.
Well it's a pity Caesar isn't here.
He'd put you on his staff immediately.
Perhaps you should go and join him in Greece, get some real Pompeian blood on your sword.
- Don't be silly, Mother.
- Well why not? lf we are not quick, Pompey and Cato and all those fools will be dead before Octavian gets his chance to shine.
- He's still a child.
- l am not.
He is not.
He is quite the little man now.
l should think there's more to manhood than swordplay.
Octavian, - have you penetrated anyone yet? - Mother, please.
- Does that mean you have or haven't? - Haven't, but-- Titus Pullo, didn't l tell you to sort that out? l'm sure l did.
l-- sorry, ma'am.
l'll see to it.
Do that.
Don't worry, darling.
There's really nothing to it.
Once you're in the saddle, as it were, it'll all come naturally.
lsn't that right, Pullo? That's right ma'am.
And none of your sordid soldier's she-wolves, mind you.
Something clean and pretty.
- Clean and pretty it is.
- Good.
l'll get Merula make you a toga.
What else? Perhaps you can arrange he kill someone.
Oh that will happen in due course.
We Julii always have the needful enemies.
Health to my child.
My daughter.
l wish for a son, a healthy son.
- l, uh-- - Good night, then.
Good night.
Husband.
What's all this? l thought it might please you if we had some time alone.
l sent the girls and Lucius to Clarissa.
- And Lyde? - She's gone to a friend's.
- Please, sit down.
- l've already eaten.
Oh But-- l can have some more.
Excuse me.
Sit down with me.
- That's all right.
- Really, sit.
l can't finish all this on my own.
The calendar is correct if you would like to have me tonight.
l would.
l'd like that.
My dear Mark Antony, l hope this finds you in better health than my hopes for victory.
l chased Pompey from one end of Greece to the other and he resolutely refused to fight.
l thought this was his usual obtuseness, but the old man has some sense left in him yet.
While avoiding battle, he has gathered a good 10 legions from the east, and l find myself badly outnumbered.
Now the cat barks at the dog, and Pompey is chasing me.
l can outmaneuver him for a while, but not forever.
My men are tired and ill-supplied, and we shall soon have to stand and fight.
l ask you to bring the 1 3th here as speedily as you are able.
Damnation.
Shall l summon the legion legates? Hmmm.
No.
Wait.
l must think on this.
This is lovely.
- Oh.
- Oh, it's just your coloring.
A little loud.
l'd prefer something plainer.
What's the point in plain? We shall take it.
But this one Oh! Divine.
Oh, divine.
Antony will love this.
He likes me in Eastern styles.
- How much for both? - 5,000.
- You are a thief.
- Four and a half then.
Three.
Can we afford such expense? Things as they are with Caesar in Greece, surely we should be more prudent? Don't worry about a thing my dear, l'm thinking ahead.
Titus Pullo is here, dominus.
Oh.
Tell him l am unwell.
He may come back next week perhaps.
Tell him nothing of the sort.
Octavian will be ready to see him in one moment.
And give him a purse.
You've put off this moment long enough, my dear.
Mother-- You will penetrate someone today or l will burn your wretched books in the yard.
Off with you.
Coming through.
Noble coming through.
Make way there.
Don't worry, young master.
There's nothing to it.
lf there is nothing to it, why is such a fuss made of the thing? You'll soon find out.
Vai, vai! Be off with you! This isn't no infantry fuckhole, thank you very much.
Now now, my honey, calm your stomach.
We've come for the young master here.
And we're well coined.
Oh well, excuse me, of course.
l meant no disrespect.
We're honored to service you, young master.
And what would be the young master's pleasure? First timer.
Nothing too savory.
l'm sure we have just the thing.
Something exotic, perhaps? Or else something young? Light, simple.
Little bit skinny, isn't it? Won't know he's been, will he? Won't know you've been.
More substance, yet still nymphlike, graceful.
This one's fresh off the boat - That will be fine.
- Hold on, young master.
No point hurrying.
Big decision, this.
- Let's have a look at-- - This one is perfectly adequate.
You will be utterly satisfied, l assure you.
Egeria, go prepare yourself.
lf we might dispense with the pecuniary details Eh? Oh, right.
- What's your price then? - 1,000.
Gerrae! l could have half the whores in Narbo for that, and their mothers.
We're not in Narbo, whatever that might be.
All right, my dove.
We'll pay.
But the girl better fuck him like Helen of Troy with her ass on fire, or l'll know the reason why.
- Speak.
- Gnaeus Pompey Magnus sends greetings.
He hopes you find his house satisfactory.
lt'll do.
- Get to his point.
- His point.
Caesar is doomed and you with him, - unless you make a separate peace.
- And? lf you do, Pompey will be merciful and generous.
How? He will give you your life.
A province.
Money enough to preserve your dignity.
What makes him think l value my life so high? Why have you not left for Greece? Do not smile at me.
Return tomorrow.
l will give Pompey his answer then.
Not that way.
And disguise yourself.
Dismissed.
You take clothes down? That's an interesting accent.
No understand.
Where-- are you from? Oh.
Where from.
Don't know.
You don't know where you're from? Rome take me very young.
Kill mother, father, brother, take me.
Oh.
l see.
Sad.
Turn over, would you? On your hands and knees.
Ah! Nice place, this.
Clean.
l don't suppose, seeing as l'm with the quality Not a chance.
No no no.
No, do it for real.
Fight.
Oh, come on, fight, damn you! Fight! That's better! Mmm, good.
Brava, Cynthia! Brava! Oh, don't be so silly, it's just a scratch now.
There there.
Yes, Posca, what is it? l am to remind you of your dinner tonight with Atia of the Julii.
Sons of Dis.
Now, run along.
Where is he? Where can he be? Busy man.
Politics.
Politics? He promised he would come.
Castor! Send a man to Pompey's-- l mean, Mark Antony's villa and enquire his whereabouts.
Antony's whereabouts, immediately, domina.
Do not say it is l who sends to ask.
Not you sends to ask.
Stay.
He'll know it is l who asked.
Send no one.
l will send no one.
lf he comes, he comes, l don't care! Halt! Welcome, dominus.
Sorry to be so horribly late.
Endless business.
- Will you forgive me? - Of course.
l confess, l had quite forgotten you were coming.
So this is a lovely surprise.
Excuse me a moment, l will go and dress correctly.
Mmm.
Here he is, young Apollo! - How was it? - lt was pleasant.
Pleasant? l should say so.
- How was he? - Like bull.
What's wrong? Nothing.
Tell me.
Mark Antony does not intend to go to Greece to help Caesar.
l have sworn loyalty to a man of no honor.
Well you don't have to go to Greece then.
- We'll be together.
- lt's true, but still.
Haven't you always said Caesar's cause is wrong? That is not the point.
There is a moral principle involved.
What an idiot you are! Not hungry? Oh, after so many years of soldier's porridge, l am easily sated.
Well, this last news from Greece cannot have improved your appetite.
Hardly.
And is it really so bad? Caesar always finds a way to win.
Pompey has gathered 10 men for every one of Caesar's.
Arithmetic has no mercy.
l'd feared it was so.
What do you intend to do then? l don't know.
You've become a powerful man.
The people love you.
Only because they don't know me.
You could be the first man in Rome, if you wanted.
l hadn't thought about it like that.
Well, you should.
You should think about that.
l'm thinking about something entirely different.
Mmm.
Water.
l could sleep for a week.
l've been thinking.
We should get married.
Married? Why should we want to do that of all things? - Perhaps l love you.
- Ah.
You're joking.
For a moment there you had me worried.
l am not joking with you.
Oh, my dear woman.
Please don't worry, l'm not going soft on you.
l'm thinking strategically.
lf Caesar is defeated, l can't very well form an alliance with the Pompeians.
- l need protection.
- True.
What's in it for me? lf Caesar is defeated-- Then l will be defeated also.
Only if you join him in Greece.
But if you stay in Rome, you will be very well situated.
You have the people with you, you have possession of the city.
You only lack money.
And whilst your name is perfectly respectable-- - l am no patrician.
- Exactly.
But allied with my house, you would have both coin and nobility to make yourself king if you wished it so.
And you would be queen.
l would be your loving and obedient wife.
lf only l were willing to desert a friend.
A man of your own blood.
- Oh, too honorable for that, are you? - l like to appear so.
But l don't think you'll die for the sake of appearances.
- Will l not? - Caesar will die in any case.
But you are far too clever to share his fate needlessly.
l had not realized until now what a wicked old harpy you really are.
Get out! Get out! Thank you, Pullo.
At attention! Ow.
Abed in daylight, what luxury.
Wickedness.
Father, that dwarf is asking for you.
Excellency Mark Antony orders 1 3th Legion to muster on the Field of Mars.
- Why? Where are we going? - Greece.
Tribune! - What shall l tell Pompey? - Oh! Of course.
Excuse me.
l had forgot you.
His skin is a little dry.
Have him well-oiled before he is presented.
Bona dea.
- l am afraid to ask.
- Gifts for Servilia.
How fine you look.
Let me see.
l am so proud of you.
You're a real man at last, eh? Why are we giving gifts to Servilia? The old crow stands in well with Cato and the rest.
- When Caesar and his dog Antony are defeated-- - lf they are defeated.
When they are defeated, we'll need her good will.
- And this will buy it, you think? - l do not see why not.
A large penis is always welcome.
- You think it's not enough? - After what you did to her? - What l did? What did l do to her? - Please! l'm not stupid.
lt was you made Caesar renounce her.
- What if l did? She doesn't know it.
- Does she not? - She's not stupid either.
- Servilia has no guile in her.
lf she knows it, we would certainly have heard about it.
You know best, l'm sure.
ln any case, you will take the gifts to her and see what she's thinking.
She's always been very fond of you.
And you will go to Mediolanum.
- Timon will take you.
- Mediolanum? Yes, they have a very good academy there.
- l don't understand.
- You're a man now.
Rome's not safe for men of the Julii.
His toenails are ugly.
Have them cut and painted and put some flowers on his head.
Oh, and send over some ice.
Six barrels, say.
Six barrels of ice.
Well, don't look so foolish.
l know what l'm about.
Your mother's too kind.
To what do l owe this generosity? lt's a gesture of friendship.
Friendship.
Thank your mother for her friendship.
l hope one day to reciprocate her friendship.
l will go then.
Excuse me.
Wait.
Please, forgive my ill humor.
There's nothing to forgive.
l have known you since you were a little girl.
You have a good soul.
l know that whatever others might do, you are blameless.
l know that.
l-- l do not-- that is, l cannot-- Shh shh shh shh.
lt's all right.
There's no need.
Tell your mother that l am grateful for the gifts and that l treasure her friendship as always.
You must come and visit me again.
Will you? - l will.
- Promise? l want there to be no ill feeling between us.
l promise.
You be a good girl.
Do as you're told.
l'll wait for you outside.
Shh shh shh.
Bellona protect you.
And Juno keep you.
A fleet of ships has set sail for Greece carrying the army of General Mark Antony.
This month's public bread is provided by the Capitoline Brotherhood of Millers.
The Brotherhood uses only the finest flour.
True Roman bread, for true Romans.
This is cac, this is! l'm wet through.
We're perfectly safe.
A very good offering was made to Triton! lf Triton can't keep me drier than this, he can suck my cock! Why can't you learn to keep your fat mouth shut?!