Rutherford Falls (2021) s01e06 Episode Script

1
Everyone thinks Big Larry's
in the wrong place.
He's not.
The road is.
Therefore, the town shall
construct a traffic tunnel
running underneath the statue,
like so.
[quizzical music]
♪
Yeah, no.
Give me one good reason
this isn't totally awesome.
Everyone agrees that we should just
move the statue, Nathan.
And don't you have bigger
things to worry about
right now?
Man, you Chisenhalls just love
sticking it to the Rutherfords,
don't you?
All right, tell you what.
We'll regroup, and we'll be back
next Tuesday at our regular session.
Does noon still work for you?
No! We don't have a regular session.
You two birdbrains
just show up every week
unannounced on my lunch break.
Look, this took me 16 hours to build,
so just maybe play with it.
The cars are really fun.
It might grow on you.
- Bye, Nathan.
- Okay.
[upbeat music]
♪
[light acoustic music]
♪
Josh, hi.
What are you doing--hi.
Hi. I was just
talking to some locals
and getting some casino ambience
for my podcast.
Oh.
Also, I just wanted to see you again.
So I got you an oat milk latte
Wow.
You remembered that
I'm lactose intolerant.
Thank you.
Also, you don't have to do that thing
that guys do where they're like,
checking up on you after sex
because they feel obligated.
- Um, I'm not doing that.
- Oh.
Also, I don't think
anyone's ever done that?
- Really?
- Excuse me, sir.
- Is this sad lady bothering you?
- What?
Are you lost?
Looking for the men's room?
Is that why you're talking to her?
You don't have to lower
yourself this way.
I'll take you from here.
Okay, enough.
Josh, this is Wayne and Sally.
- They are terrible.
- Nice to meet you?
Well, that's some way to
talk to the only two people
that ever visit this dump.
It's not a dump.
Yeah, it's more of an empty void.
Mm, the only Minishonka
artifacts in here
are that basket and those bangs.
[laughs]
Okay, well what are you
guys doing to help?
I tried to meet with Sally's aunt
and you gave me the phone
number to the Pentagon.
Oh, yeah, I forgot about that.
It's super easy to drag me--
I get it--
but seriously, what are
you two doing for our people?
No, you're right.
It's super easy to drag you.
It's a big part of the appeal.
Plus, we quit smoking, and
[together] Gotta have something.
I think the bangs work.
- Thank you. Aw.
- Yeah.
What is the move to sway Deirdre?
We hack her phone
and blackmail her
with whatever dirt we find.
Bobbie, love your passion,
but you can't always go to blackmail.
All right?
It scares me how often
you draw from that well.
I'm a product of the times.
Hey, Kaitlyn.
To what do we owe this delight?
Terry Thomas just named our company
in a lawsuit brought
by the Minishonka Nation.
Wow. So he's really poking the bear?
He's gonna regret
not taking that popcorn.
You offered him
Never mind. I don't want to know.
Nathan, listen. Your name
is all over this lawsuit.
His lawyer cited you
as an employee of the company.
Well, yeah, I mean, I'm on the board.
As a ceremonial gesture.
Sort of like how
we have the town's image
on all of our products,
but no one who works here
has ever been there.
Well, I work there,
and I've been here a lot.
Okay, do you have any idea
how much other crap I'm dealing with?
The Cuyahoga River is
glowing from factory runoff.
I mean, it's Cleveland,
so nobody cares.
I never said that.
Hi, Kaitlyn. Bobbie Yang here.
Um, bioluminescence is
actually a natural phenomenon,
maybe you could blame it on that?
Hm, that's pretty good.
Okay, we're sending legal counsel
from the firm Quinn & Hall.
Nathan, I need you
to do exactly what they say
and nothing else.
I hear you loud
and clear, my fearless--
and, huh, signal dropped
or something.
All right, you heard Kaitlyn.
We have mere hours to turn
the museum into a war room.
Write this down.
All right, gonna need
four dozen bagels,
two pints of cream cheese,
low-fat--these are city people.
Any chive?
Eh I'm freezing on that one.
- Come back to me on that.
- Okay.
- Oh, some brownies?
- Brownies.
Can you make brownies?
But--but, like, blondies.
Blondies, okay. After that?
Okay, uh, I feel like we're
gonna need toothpicks.
- I don't know why.
- Toothpicks.
And get a sleeve of Solo
Cups, just in case.
Sleeve of Solo Cups.
I can hang a welcome banner.
Bobbie, if raises existed
in the world of unpaid
internships,
that would be a double bump.
That means the world to me.
Well, you mean the
world to me. Come on.
[uplifting music]
And I hate to say it,
but Wayne and Sally were right.
I do need more items.
And I should grow my bangs out.
- Mm.
- But the most annoying part is
is that they interrupted
my flirty moment with Josh.
You like him.
- No.
- Yeah, yeah, mm-hmm.
He lives in Brooklyn,
and he'll most likely leave
when his story is done,
so it's dumb even considering.
- Don't do that.
- What?
The thing you just did.
The Reagan that you do,
where you just, like, give up on a guy
before he even has a chance.
- Let something happen.
- Eh.
Allow it to happen.
Seize the moment.
This could be the moment.
Hey, what's uh
What's Terry doing?
Looks like he's
getting ready to peacock
in front of your lawyers.
They haven't deep cleaned the carpet
since David Lee Roth
was supposed to come.
It ended up being David LeRoth,
French magician.
Saddest day of my mom's life.
One of the best nights of my life.
That show was incredible.
Hey, I know that
Terry is kind of a force,
and that you're probably a
little bit worried about--
I'm not at all. What?
Terry is the one who
should be worried.
My guys are, like,
power brokers.
You kidding me?
Trust me. 'Sall good.
Okay, we have regular,
half-caf, decaf,
cereal, Go-Gurt, chive cream cheese,
but I'm worried we
don't have enough bagels.
Okay, well, let's see.
Kaitlyn said they're
sending legal counsel.
You gotta figure that's
about a baker's dozen.
Each lawyer could have their
own Bobbie.
We could be talking
25-30 people. Eh
You know what? We're done.
You go to war with
the bagels you have.
Right.
Oh, did you remember the banner?
Sure did.
Wow, that's a good-looking banner.
I left out the year
so we could reuse it.
Bobbie, that was smart.
[car approaching]
They're here.
[electronic music]
♪
Common love isn't for us ♪
We created something from none ♪
Uh
♪
Wait, is there anyone else, or?
They must have drove separately.
Nathan Rutherford?
Uh, yeah, that's me.
Blake Jensen, Quinn & Hall.
I'm here to change the sheets
on the bed that you shat.
Definitely a little bit thrown
that they only sent one guy.
But he seems like a killer, right?
Yeah, and he's surface-of-the-sun hot.
You think every guy is hot.
I'm 16. Doesn't take much.
Okay.
[toilet flushes]
Ope.
He definitely did not wash his hands.
Let's talk strategy.
Saw your Founder's Day speech,
and I listened to that podcast.
- Thank you.
- You sounded insane.
I was cracking up.
At you, not with you.
- Just to be clear.
- Got it.
This Terry guy seems pretty crushable.
I mean, anybody that runs
a casino outside of Vegas
or Monte Carlo has
to be an idiot, right?
Oh, Terry is not an idiot.
Like, at all.
Well, I went to Harvard Law,
so I'm pretty sure
I can handle whatever
tomahawks he throws at me.
Oh, not sure I would use that phrase,
or anything else racist,
but love the enthusiasm.
What can we do to help?
Right, here's what
I'm gonna need from you.
Nothing. Do nothing, say nothing.
Done, but uh--
Come on, let's roll.
Do you want a bagel before we leave?
If you got those around here,
those are not really bagels.
I hate that I love him.
[hip-hop music]
♪
What
in the name of Marie Kondo
[both] Surprise!
I know I say this a lot,
but what the hell is
wrong with you two?
What happened to my cultural center?
It's a Minishonka tsunami, baby.
You telling us
that we don't do something
really made us want to do it.
We made a Facebook post
asking the tribe
to donate whatever they could spare
to showcase Minishonka pride.
- Look, look.
- Oh.
Show your Minishonka pride
by helping someone
down and out.
Very nice. Makes me sound homeless.
Did you really need to bold
the words "sad" and "lonely"?
Well, it worked, so.
You're welcome.
You know, this actually--
this is gorgeous.
This is a good one.
This has no historic value.
Man, you're always crying around about
having no items in this place.
And now you're too bougie for these
humble artifacts.
- Ungrateful.
- Mm.
Okay, you both know
that 90% of this stuff
belongs in a landfill.
I mean--
A blender
and a VHS copy of Young Guns II?
Wayne's Uncle Earl was in that movie.
That's right.
Him and Emilio got super tight.
That's why my cousin's named Estevez.
- For real?
- Mm-hmm.
You know what?
Actually, I just got back
on people's good side,
and now they're giving me gifts.
So I'm sure there's gems in here.
We just need to start by sorting the--
Damn it.
[hip-hop music]
♪
Okay, Josh.
I'm just gonna say it
I don't see a welcome banner.
Nathan, Bobbie, good to see you.
Likewise.
Council members
and the rest of the board
are on their way up.
Where are the lawyers
your company sent?
He's, uh, using the facilities.
- They only sent one?
- Yeah.
One-man wrecking crew.
[sighs]
It's a surprisingly clean bathroom.
- Blake Jensen, Quinn & Hall.
- Hi.
Oh, let's skip the handshake
and we'll get straight
down to brass tacks.
Shall we?
I'm gonna use a visual aid.
This represents Rutherford Inc.'s
$70 billion value,
Whoa, he's "Big Short"-ing it.
- I like it.
- Me too.
And this is our settlement offer.
It's $1/2 million for you to
drop this bullshit
and buy yourself some
new slot machines.
But you seem like a hungry guy.
Maybe one's not enough,
so I'll add another.
That's an even million.
Then you counter,
you bluff your way up.
Let me just save us some time.
You got yourself a fun pack.
That's 3 million. Final offer.
Man, we could go back
and forth, but in the end,
we both know that--
[candy clatters]
300 million.
I was thinking more like
300 million. Not 3.
[clears throat]
Listen to me, Mr. Thomas--
No, you listen to me, Blake.
You went to Harvard Law School,
didn't you?
Yes, I did. Class of 2018--
There's a building called Jensen Hall.
You do a lot of studying
at Jensen Hall,
Blake Jensen?
Well--
And this law firm you work for.
Your dad's a partner there, right?
No.
It's my uncle.
Was that a good comeback?
No, it wasn't.
Thank you for bringing
your candy expertise
to explain things
to a simpleton like me,
but I will not waste time
negotiating with someone
whose legal experience
consists of fighting
his own DUI charges.
Let me get down to brass tacks.
You're gonna take your nepotistic
first-year associate bullshit
back to Manhattan,
which is Lenape land
filled with skyscrapers
built by Mohawks,
and you're gonna tell
the people at your firm
who actually matter
to be here by Friday at noon
or I will bring the wrath
of God down so hard
that their tennis instructor's
children will feel it.
Tell them I will come
for their summer homes
and their accountants' Teslas.
I will make sure all your lives
are a complete and total disaster.
You're
So mean!
[quirky music]
♪
Let's go. Go, go, go, go, go. Go.
Mom, it's me.
It went horrible.
It was my first big meeting,
and I just totally biffed it.
Can you call
Uncle Percy for me, please?
I appreciate masculine vulnerability,
but what a little bitch.
Thank you for helping me.
No, I'm glad you called.
Turns out recording
casino sounds all day
leads to severe depression.
[laughs] Well,
so does going through people's junk.
[sighs]
An exhibit worthy of the Met.
So what are you gonna tell people
whose stuff we threw away?
Um, that I'm putting
it into the "archives."
Which is the name of the dumpster
that we're throwing it into,
so technically not a lie.
- Mm. Okay
- Yeah.
- Hey, Reagan.
- Hey.
Maya, Terry's daughter.
Yeah! Hi. I don't think
you're supposed to be in the casino.
My mom is outside waiting for me.
Oh.
Um, I just, I saw that post,
and I wanted to donate
some of my beadwork.
But maybe you already
have enough stuff?
No, these are amazing.
Are you sure you want
to give them away?
I will take them and you did promise.
Totally.
I know they're just emojis,
but I was looking at old
beadwork to get ideas and stuff
and it would be cool if one day
a Minishonka girl
could look at these and get inspired.
You know?
Yes, I do know.
- Thank you.
- Of course.
- Bye.
- Bye.
[emotional music]
I mean, this is what I was hoping for:
items with meaning.
Sure, yeah, uh, but
If you didn't talk to her,
you might not have
gotten that meaning, right?
So maybe some of this has that too?
Well, I mean, do we really
need to know the backstory
of the can opener?
Okay, not everything.
But, look.
My boss told me
that there's no story here,
and I came anyway,
and while it's not exactly
what I was expecting,
there is something here.
So maybe if you let go
of what you were hoping to find,
you might be able to see
what you've really got.
The podcasting voice
is very manipulative.
Yeah, it really helps when I'm
disputing credit card charges.
[laughs]
Okay, fine.
Let's ask some people
about their very random stuff.
Yes!
Why am I so excited about this?
I don't know.
[soft music]
♪
Thanks, Jess.
Mm-hmm. That was so cool.
You saying no to all that money.
Yeah, well, we need
to talk to the real lawyers.
The ones who come in black SUVs
wearing Gucci loafers
and tailored suits.
Six men. Maybe one woman,
probably for show.
Until they get here,
I'm not negotiating.
Well, that was so badass.
I mean, when people hear
that you turned down $3 million
imagine how pissed off they'd be.
Which is why it's of utmost importance
that we tell no one about this.
Of course.
[laughs]
I just mean that
if they were to find out,
then they'd be super pissed.
You can go. I'll clean these up.
Okay.
Uh, Rutherford Inc. isn't, um,
returning my calls.
It's, uh
They're obviously on top of it.
They're gonna crush it.
I guess it's just getting unclear
where I fit into the crushing
process.
And
so I need somebody really solid
and trustworthy in my corner.
[screams]
You okay?
I am not.
- That burned. Hard.
- Ahh.
You just can't win with these things.
Eat them too soon,
you burn your tongue.
Wait too long, and it's as cold
as a witch's tit.
Yeah.
So I charge a flat fee of $600.
That's for everything,
from this meeting
to the judge's ruling.
Doesn't matter how long it takes.
How is that
a sustainable business model?
I'm just excited for the work.
I've only got one
other client right now.
Lydia Patterson.
She's suing the city
for not moving that statue
everyone's crashing into.
Well, if you're representing Lydia,
don't you have to recuse
yourself from my case?
Hm.
Yeah, hang on one sec here.
Recuse.
"To excuse one's
self from a case
"because of a potential
conflict of interest
"or a lack of impartiality."
- Mm-hmm.
- Huh.
Impartiality.
"Equal treatment of all rivals
or disputants.
"Fairness."
That cleared up nothing for me.
Mm.
[hip-hop music]
Thank you both for coming.
I really appreciate the help.
We're here for Josh, not you.
Yeah, we like him.
Even though he has
terrible taste in women.
Cool, thanks.
Um, why don't you tell me
about the snow globe?
Tommy Wilson once hitchhiked
all the way down to Miami.
Only time he ever left the res.
He thought snow
in Florida was so funny,
so he brought this back.
Oh, and he brought
"The Macarena" to our people
six months before it got big.
That was him?
My mother used to make ribbon dresses,
but she passed away a few years ago.
I never learned how,
but I know she would want someone
in the tribe to get them.
When I saw that post, I had to donate
my granny's celebrity
rock collection.
She's got everyone in here,
from Marilyn Monroe
to Zendaya, or Daya.
Thank you so much.
Yeah, this is interesting.
But actually, the cultural
center is intended
for Minishonka items.
Oh, both my grandparents
always told me I was part,
and I got the proof right here.
Oh.
Are you really going to tell
me these little baby
jazz apples I got under my eyes
aren't 100% Minishonka?
Okay, thank you so much for
coming in today, Ms. Fish.
See you later, sister.
- Archives?
- Yes, please.
After she got divorced,
Mavis McClaire started
this sad candle company.
Beware Mal-Mer?
It's just this made-up story.
Basically like a monster
that eats your poop.
We tell it to little kids
so they don't take so long
shitting in the woods.
Is that a big problem around here?
Not anymore.
I was a featured extra on this movie.
Got real close with Emilio.
He gave me the nicest compliment.
He said I was doing a lot
in my scenes.
Oh, wow.
A week later I went
on a date with a girl.
I told her I knew Emilio.
30 years, 4 kids, 2 dogs,
and a snake later,
we're still together.
That is beautiful.
And can you believe that she's still
dynamite in the sack.
Oh, that's
Why don't you tell me
about the blender?
Oh, my sister Corissa
took it to Standing Rock
to protest the pipeline.
- Mm.
- They ground beans for coffee,
blended tomatoes for soup,
mixed smoothies for Shailene Woodley.
Then it broke. January 24, 2017,
when pipeline construction
was allowed to begin.
What are the chances
that they would break on the same day?
Pretty good, actually.
Corissa was pissed, and she
smashed it against a yurt post.
Still, that blender saw everything.
- Mm.
- Where is that thing, anyway?
What's so special about a blender?
We just
Shailene protests the
pipeline smoothie
- It's a whole--
- I found it!
Yes! Yes, that's it, that's it, yes.
Thank you.
Do you smell that?
Yes, I do. It's disgusting.
Yep. I really want to kiss you,
but we are waist-deep in
garbage right now.
Let's take a shower,
and then later, that.
- Yeah, okay.
- Okay.
Well, yeah, I just feel
really out of the loop
on this whole lawsuit thing.
I mean, I've tried Kaitlyn four times.
No response.
Should I call her again?
No, don't do that.
[exhales] Just take a minute
to decompress
and think clearly
about your next--
no, not there.
The offices are closed anyways,
so there's not really much you can do.
Ah, that's good.
No, not you,
but also maybe you--
I don't know, I can't remember
what I just said.
I'm sorry, I'm just
I'm trying to put up this exhibit--
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
No, no. Do your thing.
- I'll talk to you later.
- Okay.
Bye.
[exhales]
Oh, uh, sorry. Excuse me.
There's supposed to be a pickle.
The burgers always come with a pickle.
Oh, yeah, sorry, we're all out.
Mm, that doesn't work for me at all.
Yeah, gotta have a pickle.
Burgers needs a pickle, right?
It's like a gin and tonic.
You can't have one without the other.
Oh, man, sorry. Ah.
Just had a long day, and I--
That guy has a pickle!
What the hell, man?
Is it too much to ask for some
respect and some pickles?
Sir, do I have to ask you to leave?
- What?
- Alex,
get a pickle from
Kelly's blizzard stash
in the back of the pantry.
- Wha--
- Now.
Fine.
Thank you.
I worked here in high school.
Oh.
I have to say,
you impressed me in
our meeting earlier today.
You really held it together
while I eviscerated Blake.
Well, your conference room
looked lovely.
The peonies were a classy touch.
Were they fresh?
- Fake, but silk.
- Hm.
Yeah, sure.
Can't believe they
only sent one lawyer.
It's literally insane.
He was, like, 14 years old.
Yeah, well,
they all start to look young
the older we get.
Look, Terry, for what it's worth,
I told him not to underestimate you.
Thank you.
Well, enjoy your meal.
And, uh,
all this other stuff,
it'll work itself out.
Okay?
[door opens]
No black SUVs yet.
We still have 22 minutes.
[funky music]
♪
History favors the big events,
but it's the little
moments in our lives
that make us who we are.
Each of these items tells a story
of the tribal member who donated it,
and each is a source
of pride in our nation.
Thank you so much for coming.
So these beaded emojis "Indigenize"
popular culture, offering an
important commentary on the way
that Native artists are treated
like second-class--
Oh, my God. Am I
Columbusing and mansplaining
at the same time?
When Sally and I first
started this cultural center,
it was just an empty room
under poor management.
One clay pot.
That's right. One clay pot.
- Hey, you guys made it.
- Yeah, of course.
We're not gonna miss
the big reopening.
Congratulations.
Thank you. Oh, for me?
I wanted to get you dry hair shampoo,
but Nathan said you'd like this more.
[laughs] Well, yeah.
Beautiful exhibit.
Thank you.
I know that we started getting
these for each other
as a joke, but please never stop.
Oh, I'm not gonna. They're amazing.
Uh-huh.
It's also a bit of an apology
for just not showing up
to help when you called.
Hey, it's okay.
I know that you've been dealing
with all that legal stuff,
and plus, I have Josh.
He is so great, by the way.
- I'm really happy for you.
- Thanks.
And next time you're
putting an exhibit together,
I will be helping so--
[phones ringing and buzzing]
- What's going on?
- I don't know.
[helicopter whirring]
[both] Here we go.
[funky music]