Saved by the Bell (2020) s01e06 Episode Script

[upbeat music]
choir: Bop-bop
Bop-bop, ooh, bop-bop
Bop-bop
- In the army I saw horror
Saw good men die
They made me wear
long pants
It brought tears to my eyes
choir: Bop-bop
- I shot at Nazis
Sure I missed a few
choir: Bop-bop
- But what does it matter
choir: Bop
- I got home to you
And my biggest wipeout
of them all
Was not answering
when I heard love's call
all: Not answering
love's call
- Yeah, yeah
[cheers and applause]
- Yo, are you crying, man?
- Yeah.
- Me too.
[cheers and applause]
- Hey, cowabunga, everybody!
A couple of quick
announcements.
The parking lot is tot--ahh!
[thud]
[groaning]
Somebody, help me,
but don't call an ambulance!
I can't afford it.
[grunting]
Hey, stop filming and help!
Ahh!
Don't look!
My groin has been
suctioned into a tuba!
[school bell rings]
- When I wake up
in the mornin'
Alarm gives out a warnin'
I don't think
I'll ever make it on time
[school bell ringing]
By the time
I grab my books
And I give myself a look
I'm at the corner
just in time
It's all right,
it's all right
Saved by the bell,
it's all right
It's all right,
saved by the bell
It's all right
'Cause I'm saved
by the bell
[school bell ringing]
[upbeat music]
- [laughs quietly]
- You texting Jamie again?
- Yeah, but just
about football stuff.
- Mm, by football stuff, do
you mean going to third base?
- That's baseball.
Learn about the sport I play.
- I can't, okay?
It's too boring.
Listen, I know you're
in love with Jamie.
- [scoffs]
No, I'm not.
I mean, yes,
Jamie is superhot,
but I don't like him.
He's too dumb for me
to date anyway.
Right?
- Well, he did once ask me
if skeletons are real.
- Still, there's no denying
you two would make
a really cute couple.
- You have never talked to us
on the bus before.
- Or taken off your headphones.
Or used the word cute.
Are you okay?
- I mean, can't a guy
just be in a good mood?
- Oh, hell no, he's scaring me.
- Hey, G.
- Hey.
- I know you're riding high
after a stunning performance
this weekend,
but brace yourself.
Tanner's review
in the Bayside Bugle
is about to drop any moment.
- So?
- [scoffs] "So?"
Tanner's reviews
are famously cruel.
His takedown of "Annie"
was so savage,
the dog who played Sandy
ate a giant chocolate bar
on purpose.
- Lexi, it's fine.
I don't care
what same stranger says.
- Wow, what a healthy outlook.
He'll hurt you the most.
- This weekend in the hospital,
I had an epiphany.
When did we all become
slaves to these?
Seriously, think about it.
When was the last time you had
a face-to-face conversation?
When was the last time
you went into nature
and stuck your hand
into a hole in a tree
just to see what was there?
Indeed--
- Hey, man.
We gotta go to class.
- All right.
I'm banning cell phones.
I need all of you
to take the kids' phones away.
[people groaning]
And I'm limiting
Internet access
on all computers
to just Weather.com
and a blog that I like
about the First Punic War.
- Ron, I get the appeal
of all this,
but phones are not necessarily
a bad thing.
Research shows kids today
are doing less drugs,
getting in fewer fights,
and having less sex.
- Nerds.
- And this definitely isn't
because everyone posted videos
of you breaking your penis
in the orchestra pit, right?
- No, and phones are banned!
[people grumbling]
- [laughing]
- Whoever you're texting
must be pretty funny.
Who is it, Gabriel Iglesias
or your boyfriend, Jamie?
- Oh, my God, stop.
I don't like Jamie.
I mean, look at this.
- How did he make "hallway"
harder to spell?
- I know!
Jamie is hot,
but even if he did like me,
I could never date this dummy.
[phone dings]
Oh, I hit audio record.
Yikes.
Wouldn't want to send that.
[phone chirps]
Oh, God.
I sent that to him.
Take it back, Siri!
Take it back!
- Sorry, new policy.
You'll get your phone back
at the end of the day.
- No! You can't
- Calm down.
Life only gets worse.
- But Tanner's review.
How am I supposed to read it
and anonymously bully him
in the comments section
without my phone?
- I have a way.
- Wait, you have two phones?
- Hell yeah.
My parents track my location,
so I pay a nerd to take
that one to the library,
and this one comes with me.
You can use it,
but it'll cost you.
- Oh, if you're asking me
to break Jennifer's leg,
done and done.
- No, 25¢ a minute.
- Here.
"Surf's up?
More like, that sucked."
Damn.
That's undeniably catchy
wordplay.
Here.
- Wow.
He hated the singing,
the acting,
the costumes, the sets
Oh, wait.
He liked the lighting.
- Oh.
- Never mind.
Just the part at the end
when they went out
and he knew the show was over.
- Look, I'll take care of this.
- Another 25¢, please.
- Are you kidding?
No one just carries around
a bunch of loose change.
- Then what goes in a purse?
- I can't believe I sent that.
This is a disaster.
- Maybe Jamie's phone got taken
away before he saw it.
- Yeah.
That's a possibility.
- Oh.
- Aisha, let's stop
playing games.
Well, I mean,
except for football.
And also, you should know
that I'm full-on addicted
to "Call of Duty,"
but what I'm trying to say is,
will you go to dinner
with me tonight?
- Life's so short.
Let's make it lunch.
- Lunch.
That's even more romantic.
- If only I had my phone,
I'd destroy Tanner
in the comments section.
It took me less
than three words
to get Jeremy Renner
to quit his music career.
- Well, well, well.
It sure is nice knowing
my tough but fair
but brutal but true
review of the play
is up on the Internet
going undisputed.
Not a comment in sight.
- You better watch out, Tanner,
or I'll leave a comment
to your face.
- Oh, I'd love to see you try.
- Hey, Lexi, who cares?
Just back off, man.
- Like you backed off
those high notes
Friday night?
- [scoffs]
- Okay.
It's not a good idea
to get in my face like that.
- Oh, I'm sorry,
you don't quite pull off
intimidating bully,
just like you didn't
have the range
for beloved surf soldier
Bernard Kahunski.
- Just get out of here, dude.
- [shouting]
Journalism under attack!
Ooh!
Everybody look at this bully
bullying me!
Close the door!
- Now, I know for a fact
that Selena Gomez's
kidney donor
was Justin Bieber's mom.
God, I wish that I had my phone
so that I could prove it.
- Prove what,
that you're an idiot?
It was Demi Lovato's kidney.
They're best friends,
like you and I were
up until this morning.
- Oh, use your brain, Nadia.
- Like.
Like that outfit.
- Because, 'cause their organs
are the property
of the Walt Disney Company!
- Please.
That's what you believe?
- Oh, that is what I believe.
You better believe that
that is what I believe.
- Hey, buddy.
- Why are you hiding
in a closet?
- I'm not hiding.
I'm in here
so that people
do know where I am.
I'm the only person in school
that has a phone,
and kids are willing to pay
to use said phone.
But how are they to find me?
Solution:
I stay in this closet all day.
- So you've become a pay phone?
- No, no, no.
This is a very
complicated scheme
that is not pay phone related.
- Yeah--
- Is this the phone
I can pay to use?
- It is, just insert
your quarter into the slot.
- I'm sorry,
but why are we here?
- He's here
because he's in trouble.
You, I don't know.
I've asked you repeatedly
to leave.
- I'm shook.
Devante barely pushed Tanner.
- Unfortunately,
it's not that easy.
Tanner's mom is the president
of the PTA,
and she's asking
the school board
for the most severe punishment
available.
- Oh, no.
He cannot go on your podcast,
Toddman.
Every episode is a two-hour
dive into a different
Steely Dan song--
it's inhumane.
- She's asked for expulsion.
- Oh.
Well, that's bad too.
- Don't worry, D.
I got a nerd
to help us figure this out.
- Who, Mervin?
Oh, me.
Tell me what happened.
- Okay, so we had just read
Tanner's theater review.
Wait, back up.
Do you know who Tanner is?
Wait, back up.
Do you know what theater is?
Not what people think it is
but what it really is.
- Okay, this will go
a lot faster
if Devante just explains it.
What happened?
- Yo.
- Bet. Let's go.
- I wish you had just
come to me, Jade,
instead of going directly
to the school board.
- Why?
So you could sweep an act
of student violence
under the rug?
- Nobody's sweeping anything
under the rug.
You demanded a disciplinary
hearing this morning.
It's happening this afternoon.
- Your Honor, speaking as
the highest elected authority
in the sophomore class,
I motion for an immediate
dismissal.
[record scratches]
I've seen, like, 1,000 episodes
of "Law and Order,"
even the weird ones
with Jeff Goldblum.
- Uh, Daisy,
this is just a hearing.
It's not a trial.
- Right, no need for lawyers.
I mean, I am one,
and I will be there.
- Again, this is not a trial.
It's a hearing
in front of a panel
of school board administrators.
- Couldn't agree more.
Not a trial.
See you in court.
[tense music]
- Devante, you really
should have an adult here
to speak on your behalf.
I've called your grandmother,
but I haven't heard back.
Now, we could get you
a school-appointed adult,
but just so that you know,
it is Slater.
- Nah, I'm good.
- This is so nice, Jamie.
Maybe too nice.
I mean,
you don't really know me.
I could be the kind of person
who says mean things behind
people's back for no reason.
- No, I couldn't imagine that,
and I'm great at imagining.
Here, check it out.
Blue cat on a bike.
He just ate a pizza.
[chuckles]
- Oh, you are good at that.
- Thank you.
- Oh, I hope it's okay.
I ordered for us.
- How'd you know?
- Because I listen to you,
and also because your
Instagram handle is,
"Get you someone
who looks at you like
I look at pigs in a blanket."
[both laugh]
It's funny.
That's how I imagine you
laughing when you text "lol."
all: Ooh!
- Stop eavesdropping, pervs.
- We're not.
We're the Bayside
a cappella group.
[all singing]
Ooh, baby, I love your way,
every day, yeah
- [sighs]
This is so fun.
We should do it again tomorrow.
- Uh, yeah, Jamie,
what would you want to do
together
if we only had today?
Like, I was gonna die tomorrow
or more specifically
at 3:00 p.m. today
when we get our phones back.
- Oh, that's easy.
I'd like to spend
your final hours
having the most perfect,
romantic day of all time.
- Yeah, uh, me too.
all: Aww.
- That time, we were
just listening.
- This is so wrong.
A same-day hearing
for one shove?
This would never happen
to a Bayside student.
- Yeah, I see Bayside kids
literally flush
each other's heads
down the toilets
every single day
and not do a thing to stop it.
- Exactly.
Wait, what?
- Look, we know Devante
is a good kid.
Can't we just tell this Jade
to go kick rocks
like I did with my landlord?
- Because it's not just Jade.
Every day
I'm getting voicemails
from parents
who are not happy
about the Douglas
students being here.
I thought it was going
to calm down by now.
It's just gotten worse,
and the last thing we need
is to give them something else
to be mad about.
- So you're willing
to sacrifice Devante
to appease these people?
He's just a scapegoat to you.
- Jessie, we can't call
people that anymore.
- Listen, I hate this.
I care about all these kids,
but this hearing,
it's happening.
I don't know what else to do.
- Wait.
What do you think
scapegoat means?
- Come on, Devante.
Work with us here.
Why can't you just
ask your grandma?
- 'Cause there's no point.
- Look.
Without a parent
here to protect you,
Jade is gonna eat you alive
and then spin off the calories
on her Peloton.
- Lexi, I am not calling
my grandma.
She's a sick old lady
who lives an hour away,
and she knows
how these things go.
- You have to fight
for yourself, for your dreams,
for the rap party sponsored
by Gatorade Red Chill.
- No.
No, this is on me.
I let my guard down.
I messed up.
Now it's hopeless.
- I've never been hopeless
in my life.
Like, I still have hope
that Bella and The Weeknd
will get back together
and I'm the one
who broke them up.
[indistinct chatter]
[curious music]
- I'm so bored from not being
able to play Crossy Road.
I wonder what heroin's like.
- Did you find anything?
- Um, the last time
someone got expelled
from Bayside was 1971,
and he was a member
of the Manson family, so
it doesn't really apply here.
- Okay.
Well, Devante is still
refusing to call his grandma.
- Well, maybe there's a reason
he doesn't want
to get her involved.
- Yeah, 'cause he's given up.
Look, at Bayside,
when you're in trouble,
you call your parents,
and they come fix it.
I pushed Ms. Mandrake
into the La Brea Tar Pits,
and after my dad got involved,
she had to pay
for my dry cleaning.
Now, if Devante doesn't
call his grandmother, I will.
- It sounds like you two
need a phone.
Oh, you looking at my cord?
Yeah, people kept trying
to run off with my phone,
so I devised a security system.
- You are a pay phone.
- No, I'm not.
I'm an inventor.
- The only thing
you've invented
is a new way to be selfish.
The school is falling apart,
Mac,
and your instinct
is to extort everyone?
If you're such a genius,
think of a way to help Devante.
- Okay, we've wasted
enough time.
I'm getting Devante's
grandmother now.
Okay, so here's the thing,
I don't have a phone
or an address,
and I can't get anywhere
without a phone.
- I can draw you a map.
- Ew.
- I can come with you.
- Double ew.
Okay, fine.
I'm gonna get the car.
- Hey, uh,
what are you guys doing?
- Ooh, we're living
like we only have today
for some reason.
- Oh, fun.
Aisha, can I talk to you?
You know this can't last.
He's gonna get his phone back.
- Not till 3:00 p.m.
Just let me live like
there's no tomorrow, bitch.
Okay? Please.
- Okay.
Bye, Daisy.
[upbeat music]
- Ooh, baby,
I love your way
- That looks like a penis.
[both laugh]
- It does.
- Wanna tell you
I love your way
[both laughing]
- What are you doing here?
Do not use the emergency safety
shower for sexy fun!
- Yeah
- I would like to submit
into evidence
this reenactment
of today's assault.
[tense music]
- Hey, Tanner!
Say I'm a good singer
or I'll kill you.
- We have brought you counsel.
- What did you do?
- We got your grandma.
You needed someone
to fight for you.
- All right.
I heard they're trying
to expel you.
I'll save everyone some time.
I'm pulling Devante
out of this school.
- What?
I thought you were
gonna fix this.
- Oh, baby, I just did.
- I am dying without texting.
I have the hottest goss
and need to spill.
- I'm not selfish.
I'm a nice inventor.
I'm so not a pay phone.
[sings three notes]
If you'd like to continue
this call,
please insert another 25¢.
- So Tanner and Abby
hooked up Friday night,
and afterwards,
he totally ghosted her.
Yeah, they went
to the Kanye concert,
and after he sang "Runaway,"
Abby looked over,
and Tanner hadrun away.
- Okay,
Grandma Doris was a bust.
I mean, she did tell me
a really cool story
about hooking up with someone
named Bootsy Collins,
but I really thought she was
gonna fight for him
or at least threaten Toddman
or something.
- Lexi, I knew you were trying
to help,
but you only know how Bayside
works for kids like you.
You're asking Devante
and his grandma
to believe in a system that's
screwed them over before.
[door opens]
- I played your sick
little game, Daisy.
I figured out
how to save our friend.
- What, how?
- What would you give me
if I could selflessly
provide you information
that could get
Devante off the hook?
- It's not selfless
if you're asking
for something in return.
- All right. Okay.
Sorry, I'm new at this.
Let me try again.
I know how to save Devante,
but it'll cost you.
Mm. No, it won't.
One more time.
I will do this out
of the goodness of my heart..
- Aww.
- For just 3 easy payments
of $25.99.
- Dude, come on.
- I'm sor--I'm trying so hard.
- Okay, just tell us.
- Okay.
Tanner went to the Kanye
concert with Abby
on Friday night, meaning
he did not go to the play
and the whole review is a sham.
- Oh, my God, Mac,
that's it.
We can threaten to expose
Tanner and ruin his career
as a high school theater critic
if he doesn't drop
his fake-ass charges.
- But how do we prove it?
- I bet that thirstoid, Abby,
has photos of them
at the concert on her phone.
- Which is in the room
with all of the other phones!
We should break into the phone
room to get her phone,
and you know,
if Jamie's phone gets damaged
beyond repair in the process,
that is a sacrifice
I'm willing to make.
- Me too.
- Okay.
You guys go get the phone.
I'm gonna go talk to D,
get him to buy us some time.
- Cool, let's go.
- Follow me.
Wait.
Hey, wait, guys.
[coins clinking]
[groans]
- Okay, so I have good news
and bad news.
The good news is while
Mac was a pay phone
he found a way
to clear your name.
- That's the good news?
Oh, no.
- The bad news is me.
Jade is a racist skeleton
slathered in Juvederm,
but I'm supposed to be
your friend.
I spent all day dismissing
how exhausting and painful
this must be.
You know, I realized
what Tanner did to you
wasn't just uncool,
it was dangerous.
I mean, do you even want
to stay at a school
full of Tanners
and Jades and me's?
- No.
I guess this is goodbye.
Of course I want to stay here,
dumdum.
Look, Lexi,
you're not a Tanner or a Jade.
You're my friend.
The play was fun,
and I kind of like it here
at Bayside.
Also, I refuse to meet
an entire new group
of white people.
- Okay, but what do we do?
I mean, we need time to find
evidence against Tanner,
and your grandma is signing
your withdrawal paperwork
as we speak.
- Well, maybe I can get her
to restart the trial
and buy us some time.
- Do you think
she'll agree to that?
I mean, you said it yourself,
she has no reason to believe
this will work out
in your favor.
Do you even believe it?
- It doesn't matter
what I believe.
I just gotta convince her.
- Well, it's a good thing
you're the greatest actor
this school has ever seen.
Second greatest.
I go here.
Third greatest--
Kristen Stewart went here
and she doesn't get
enough credit.
- [yelps]
[shudders]
- Hey, Mac.
[tense music]
Oh, hey, that's my phone.
You can go through it
if you want.
The passcode is 8008, boob.
- Wait, you don't care if I go
through your phone?
- No.
- That's crazy.
There's not weird stuff on
here you don't want me to see?
- Oh, yeah,
there definitely is,
but what's the point
of starting a relationship
if it's not from a place
of complete trust, you know?
- Oh, come on.
Every relationship starts with
a couple little lies, right?
You've never done that before?
- No, of course not.
Aisha, we just spent
the most perfect day together.
Why would I ruin that
be deceiving you?
- You're right.
I know Jamie's hot,
but even if he did like me,
I could never date this dummy.
- Oh.
- Oh, look,
I found Abby's phone.
- So I'm just gonna, uh, yeah.
- Jamie.
- We are going to get Devante
into another good school.
I promise I'm gonna do
everything in my power.
- Do you have any power?
- No.
- Grandma, I don't want
to leave Bayside.
Look, I know we've been
here before
and it always goes the same:
bad.
But I still think we should
fight
because I think we can win.
- So you're telling me
you think a trial
run by that
is gonna work in your favor?
[inspirational music]
- Yes.
- Okay, baby.
Let's try it.
- Well, it's gonna take
a whole other set of paperwork
to restart this hearing.
- Oh Mm.
Son of a bitch.
- Thanks so much
for your help, guys.
I'll be sure
to leave positive reviews
on your TaskRabbit pages.
- Oh, thank you.
So you'll be at my one-man
show, right?
- No. Thank you.
- The hearing is back on.
- But we already won.
- We are talking about a kid's
future here,
and we're at least
gonna give him a fair shot.
- Well, if I'm giving
my statement,
I will need my statement cane.
- Looking for this?
- We know you weren't
at the play on Friday.
- And if we release this photo,
your career
as a high school theater critic
is over.
- But criticism is my calling,
and I can't be a food critic.
I'm allergic to every food.
- Aw.
- Fine.
What are your demands?
- Your mom has to go
on a date with me.
- What?
- What? Mac!
- Sorry, it's an instinct.
You owe us nothing.
- No, still wrong.
- Sorry.
[upbeat music]
- Okay.
We're ready to fight.
- There's no need.
Tanner said he exaggerated
his story.
The hearing is off.
- Well, why didn't anybody
come get me?
Look at my tiny arthritic hand.
- Also, as punishment
for lying,
Tanner will receive
a two-week suspension
and will have to appear
on my podcast.
Come on, guys.
- No, please!
I'd rather get the chair!
- Okay. I love you.
- Love you too.
- Hey, D, you did it.
- This was all you guys.
Thanks.
- You're welcome.
I wanted to selflessly
help you sooner,
but Daisy made me
be a pay phone.
- I am so happy this is over.
- But is it?
- I don't know.
I'm afraid Jade
is just getting started.
- This isn't over, Toddman.
I am just getting started.
- Started. I know.
We were just
actually talking about that.
- Okay.
- Yeah.
- Hey.
UmI'm so sorry.
I only said what I said
'cause I knew that I liked you
and I didn't know
if you felt the same way.
I was the one
who was dumb for saying--
- You know what? Save it.
Because you're right.
I am hot,
and sometimes I can be dumb,
like right now, for instance.
I'm being dumb enough to think
that the amazing day
we just had together
means more than one bad text.
[thumping dance music]
indistinct chatter]
[fire crackling]
- Jessie was right.
Without phones,
the kids have become
drug-addled sex fiends.
For the love of God,
we've got to give the children
their phones back!
[funky upbeat dance music]