Scarborough (2019) s01e06 Episode Script
The Ballad Of Karen and Mike
1 I want to spend the rest of my life with you.
Do you? How's your uncle? You mean Des? Mr Ferris.
I'm so pleased to spend some time with you.
Was there something more you wanted to say? It's like a dream come true.
To the salon.
Who is this investor? Tony Peroni.
MUSIC: Rotterdam by The Beautiful South.
Is it Britney? The celebrity! What? Is it Britney? I don't know.
Doubt it.
Well, they had her at t'open-air theatre.
Dunno.
Probably not.
Thanks, love.
Smashing, that.
What do you think you're doing? Eh? You said you were popping out for a fag break.
You know I don't smoke.
Yeah, which is why I said, "When did you start smoking?" To which I didn't reply.
Yeah, so what's going on? We get a ten-minute break in the morning and in the afternoon, but if you smoke, you get several breaks throughout the day.
That's for people who actually smoke! Well, I'm having an ice cream on me fag break.
You're never going to finish that in two minutes.
Next question.
Hello.
Can I have two 99s? Yeah, love.
Anyway, we're supposed to be boycotting Peroni's ice cream.
You might be, mate.
I'm not.
Best in town, these.
Well, if you were any sort of mate, you would.
Look, just because you had a go on Tony Peroni's missus, I don't see why I should have to go without.
I did not YOU certainly didn't.
I did not have a go on her.
She had a go on me.
What do you mean, "go without"? You can get ice cream anywhere, it's Scarborough.
Not like these, mate.
Ooooh! Anyway, it's not just that.
Peroni's taken over Karen's hair salon.
So? Well, it's awkward.
Mike, there is no direct connection between me enjoying a lemon and vanilla maxi cone and an old lady getting a shampoo and set.
It's a little thing called loyalty, mate.
Jack? Jess! Somebody was asking earlier who the celebrities are.
What celebrities? It says celebrities on the poster for tonight.
Oh, right.
So, who have we got, then? Well, we did ask Barbara Streisand to draw the meat raffle, but, erm, apparently she plays five-a-side football on a Friday night.
Do you need a celebrity for the raffle? Why? Do you know one? Right, you're not going to believe this, but my sister is really good friends with Dua Lipa.
She's in Scarborough tonight.
Julie who? Dua Lipa.
Sounds like some character off Star Wars.
She's a singer.
She's, like, really famous.
Jess, I've got 150,000 karaoke tracks on that laptop.
I think if What was her name? Dua Lipa.
I think if Dua Lipa was famous, I just might've heard of her.
Me dad knows Peter Levy.
What did you just say? Me dad knows Peter Levy.
What? THE Peter Levy? Yeah.
Off Look North? Yeah.
How does your dad know Peter Levy? He's just his mate.
Bloody hell.
Erm, right, right.
Er What, do you want some time off work to, I dunno, set up a meeting or summat? No.
I'll speak to me dad.
He'll give him a ring and see if he's about tonight.
Any chance of getting served in here? Coming.
Anyway, I'll let you know what he says.
Yeah.
Yeah, thanks, Jess.
Bloody hell.
Peter Levy! MUSIC: I Love To Love by Tina Charles.
Now, are you sure we haven't gone a little TOO high, Mrs Stokes? Well, you know what they say, the higher the hair, the closer to God.
Well, if that's the case, I think you should be made a saint.
I've got to make an impact, Gerry, it's me first gay wedding.
Oh, that'll be nice for you.
Now, one of them's a bipolar lesbian and the other's a nonbinary, gender-fluid atheist.
Ooh, fancy! Right, what do I owe you? Well, if you'd like to go over to the till, Mrs Stokes, you can settle up with Mandy.
SHE MOUTHS How much is it? 18.
80? 18, for goodness' sake! £18? No, euros, what do you think? That's 18 euros, please, Mrs Stokes.
What would I be doing with euros? I'm going to a lesbian wedding, not Gran Canaria.
Oh, for goodness' sake, Mandy, go and straighten the magazines.
I'm sorry about that, Mrs Stokes.
Oh, I'll get you some change.
Oh, that's all right.
See you next week.
Thank you, Mrs Stokes.
Right, Mrs Bell, sorry about that.
Let's get that coat off you.
It's boiling outside.
Are you not hot? I've been freezing cold since 1989.
Right, Mrs Hicks, thank you for your patience, I'll just be another couple of minutes.
Er, Karen, can I have a quick word? Yeah.
Now, Karen, I didn't tell you about this because I didn't want another flare-up, but Mr Peroni and his workmen are coming to look at the salon today.
I think you're making a big mistake, Geraldine.
Look, I don't want to go into it again.
I know you have issues with Tony's fiancee, but it's not her who's investing in the salon, it's him.
It's got nothing to do with that.
I had a look at your contract.
You did what? Well, it was on the side in the back.
I assumed that's why you'd left it out.
You thought I'd left the contract out so you could start dishing out business advice? Who do you think you are, Souker Tuleyman? Who? Dragons' Den! No, I I just think that you should DOOR OPENS Geraldine! So here we are.
I love to love That is going to cost a pretty penny to sort out.
Ooh, I've never seen anyone so thrilled to be talking about dry rot.
DOOR OPENS Marion? Hello? Sorry to let myself in, but I've been ringing that bell for ages.
Oh, it's probably given in.
It's been on its last legs for years.
I know how it feels.
Rubbish! Plenty of life left in you.
Well, there will be when you've eaten this meat pie.
Oh, Mr Ferris I mean Des will you look at that? She's just come out of the oven, so she'll want half an hour with the tea towel over her.
Again, I know how she feels.
SHE CHUCKLES Well, shall we adjourn to the conservatory? It would be my pleasure.
This is Karen, my chief stylist and second-in-command.
Karen, so pleased to meet you.
Likewise.
Ah, Geraldine, my business partner, Hayley.
I'm Tony's fiancee.
Business partner, fiancee, it is all the same, no? Oh, I hope not! THEY CHUCKLE POLITELY Hayley, Karen.
We know each other.
Well, I wouldn't go that far, but we've met.
Well, Geraldine, my guys will be here shortly to measure up, but shall we start to look around and have a chat? Yes, of course.
Can Mandy get anyone a tea? No, thank you, we just had brunch.
Well, if you'd like to follow me You know, this kind of space Well! This is very traditional.
Erm, Mary? I will have a drink, actually.
Black coffee, one sugar.
Her name's Mandy.
And she's not making any coffee.
Black coffee? Thanks.
I said no.
It's not a problem.
Mandy, can you get back to work, please? Do you remember what I said to you last time we saw each other? No.
Well, maybe you should've listened.
I said, "Don't make an enemy of me.
" Well, you see, the thing is, Hayley, I only really listen to people who have important or interesting information to pass on, not pointless, idle threats.
We'll see.
And then we could lower the ceiling and have, er, recessed lighting.
Oh, I've always rather liked the ceiling this height.
You know what you need back here? A nail bar.
Oh, we've never really done nails.
Huge mark-up on nails.
Oh, well, maybe we could think about sending Mandy on a course.
The girl at the front? Yeah.
HAYLEY LAUGHS Oh, please! I've got a little Vietnamese lady who comes to me.
She's called, er, Nuji.
Or Nujenna.
I call her Judy.
Petite, beautiful, never speaks unless she's spoken to.
AND she works for practically nothing.
I mean, look at these nails.
Me mam used to serve her when she worked in Fagan's.
Everybody in the bar used to call her the town bike.
Right, ladies, I'd better get to me facial.
You've got lovely skin, Mary.
You want to look after it.
It can start to let you down when you get past 40.
Or 50.
Well, maybe I'll see you at the Ship tonight, Karen.
I hear Mike's singing.
I missed him last time.
Must've been busy.
She's not going to be working here, is she? She better not be, because if she comes I go.
Beautifully kept garden.
Oh, leave off! It's not a patch on yours.
Well, you do it yourself.
I've seen you.
I have help.
Yes, yes.
Your nephew, isn't it? I saw him the other day.
He's a lovely lad.
Most young men under 30 look as if they need a good bath, but he's very clean-looking.
Jamie isn't my nephew.
Oh, is he not? I'm sorry, I thought you said he was.
I think I did.
I'm not sure why.
Aye, well, it hardly makes any difference, does it? Marion? Mm-hm? I'd like to tell you something Yes, of course.
Something I choose not to tell most people.
You can tell me anything.
Well, when Agatha and I divorced about ten years ago, I learned something about myself which I find very difficult to discuss.
I don't let it define me, I just have to come to terms with it, but the bottom line is nature has dealt me a pretty rotten hand.
Oh, no, no, you mustn't say that.
I know, it's silly and I'm in no way unique Oh, far from it! My daughter, Karen, she had a friend at hairdressing college, and he struggled terribly, but once he accepted that it was something he was born with, there was no stopping him.
He lives in San Francisco now, has his own dog-grooming business.
He was born with it? Oh, absolutely.
That's what I believe.
How old is he now? About the same age as Karen, I think, about oh, about 40.
If you don't mind me asking what kind of cancer is it? Cancer?! I Oh.
Erm Oh, I am sorry, Des.
Er, I Oh, I thought you meant, erm Thought I meant what? Well, when you said that Jamie wasn't your nephew, I thought that you were trying to tell me that that you were Oh, oh! I feel such an old fool.
You thought I was trying to tell you that Jamie was my partner? No! No, no, no.
No.
Well, yes.
Don Quixote! Yeah.
It's a shame people don't bother to read the classics any more, don't you think? Did you enjoy it? Eh? Don Quixote.
When you read it, did you enjoy it? Did I enjoy it? Well How can you not enjoy a bit of Don Quixote, you know? I won't spoil the ending for you, because you've not finished it yet, have you? Ooh, very chivalrous of you.
Not unlike Quixote.
Who? Don Quixote.
Oh, yes! Oh, yeah, very good, very good.
So, er, are you coming down the Ship tonight? There's a meat raffle.
I'm vegan.
Are ya? Mike's singing at the Ship tonight.
Aren't ya? Well, I'm going to do one song, then I'm going to spend the rest of the evening trying all the guest ales until I don't know me own name.
Well, I've seen you that drunk before.
Just, er stay away from the crab stalls, eh? Erm, right, I'd better get back to work.
Yeah, not a bad idea.
Bit of a knob, your mate Bigsy.
He's all right really, just doesn't know when to shut up.
Are you coming to the Ship tonight for this charity do? No, I'm going to a leisure centre in Filey to watch a re-enactment of the beheading of Marie Antoinette.
Well, ask a silly question.
I thought you were trying to tell me that you have a a partner when when all the time you were trying to tell me you've got cancer.
I had a partner.
Alan.
Did I ever meet him? I don't think you did.
He lived in London, and, of course, I was here in Scarborough.
We were both too stubborn to move.
But we did have a lot in common.
Far too much in common in the end - he died of cancer nearly a year ago.
Oh, I'm so sorry.
I married him four days before he died.
Oh, Des Not as romantic as it sounds.
He was determined the taxman didn't get any of his money.
Now that money's mine with no-one to spend it on.
But you never know, I might find someone daft enough to marry me.
You're handsome, you're kind, you're loyal, you're a fabulous cook.
What more could anyone want? I'm sure the right chap will come along.
I think it's companionship I'm looking for now.
That's what we want at our age, isn't it, Marion? It is, Des, it is.
And if that someone thought that I was handsome, loyal, kind, and they were attractive, funny and wise, I'd marry them like a shot.
Oh! Now, is it time for dinner yet? Er Oh, er, what do you fancy? A nice, big slice of home-made meat and potato pie.
SHE LAUGHS Let me have a look in the kitchen.
You might be lucky.
So, what what's happening, then? Well, we're all going to the Ship for the charity night.
Do you fancy it, Mrs Wise? Yeah, come on, Mrs Wise.
They've got singers on all night.
Not karaoke, proper singers.
No, I mean the salon.
What's happening with the salon? We don't really know yet.
Well, I hope you won't go the same way as the Vanity Box.
What they doing at the Vanity Box? You phone up for an appointment and you get a recorded message.
"Press one for an appointment, two"for something else Well, I've had my phone since Adam were a lad.
I've got nothing to press.
It's called progress, Mrs Wise.
Imagine all this with new units, new sinks, new dryers.
Yes, I am imagining it, and I don't like it, and I dare say most of the customers are saying the same.
Some of us love this place exactly as it is.
Well, where would Geraldine's regulars go if you went the same way as the Vanity Box, all computer booking and campuccinos? No, you tell Geraldine from me that we're not dead yet and this place is is the heart of Scarborough for us old girls.
Don't leave us without a home.
She ain't paid.
Oh, she did this last week.
Mandy, will you go after her, please? Come on, let's get closed up.
DOO-WOP MUSIC INSIDE PUB Every night in my dreams I see you, I feel you That is how I know you So, how's the new job? New job? Oh, at the arcade? Yeah.
Yeah, no, yeah, it's fine.
Yeah, every now and again, I like to get myself a little mainstream job just to keep a low profile before the next proper job comes in, you know? Your next mission? Give over! You make me sound like James Bond.
Do you fancy staying at mine tonight? Your what? My house.
Oh! Erm I thought you lived with your parents.
Yeah.
Yeah, we all sleep in one room but I think they'll be cool with it.
Oh, er That was a joke.
They're on holiday.
Oh, I knew you were No, I knew you were joking.
No, you didn't.
You should've seen your face.
I did! My face was also doing a Here y'are, look, I'll do it again, watch.
Yeah.
Yeah, I look forward to seeing that face again tonight.
Love can touch just one time And that's Well, I hope you're not on next.
These girls are good.
Oh, thanks for the vote of confidence, Marion.
Mam, you always like Mike's singing.
Yes, I do, but I'm just saying it's hard to compete against three bonny lasses.
Hey, do you not sing? Me and me sister once did Summer Nights from Grease and we got free shots.
Oh, well, get your names down.
That's why it's called karaoke.
Mother, it is not karaoke tonight.
Will you stop saying that? Well, it's good to have a little party piece up your sleeve.
Karen's father used to play the spoons.
No, he didn't! No, well, you won't remember.
It was in a cafe in Rhyl.
How was your afternoon with Mr Ferris? Mm interesting.
Oh! OK I'll tell you later.
Are those drinks coming? Because I'm sitting here spitting feathers.
You will go easy tonight, won't you? Yeah, course.
I've actually been thinking about what you were saying the other day.
Why, what were I saying? You know, about me growing up and taking responsibility seriously.
Yeah, but I didn't mean don't have a drink.
No, I'm not talking about the drink, I'm talking about everything, about us.
I've been an idiot lately and I want to put things right.
I want us to move in together, start a family.
I just want us to live happily ever after.
I love you, Karen.
I know you do.
I love you, too.
Do you? I do.
LOUD CHOKING AND HAWKING Soz.
Gasping.
Here you go.
Thank you.
SONG ENDS CHEERING Thank you, girls.
Now, don't forget, keep buying your tickets for the meat raffle, which will be drawn at the end of the evening by Look North's very own Peter Levy.
ALL: Oooh! But before that, we have a fantastic singer for you this evening.
Please put your hands together for Mike Bradley! CHEERING SLOW MUSIC STARTS I have dreamed That your arms are lovely I have dreamed What a joy you'll be I have dreamed Every word you whisper When you're close Close to me How you'll look in the Peter! Hey, listen, I've put you in the other bar so you don't get hassled, you know, but I just wanted to say thank you so much for doing this.
I am a massive, massive fan of your work.
Thank you.
I'm flattered to be here, especially as Jess just told me you could've had Dua Lipa.
Never heard of her.
I think you dodged a bullet there.
She's world famous.
You wouldn't have been able to move in here.
I'll be in the front bar.
The drinks are on me.
It's time to celebrate.
Tony, I'm sorry to ask again, but about the £10,000? 10,000? The one-off payment to take over the lease.
Oh.
You said it'd be paid into my account the next day.
Well, that was over a week ago.
Excuse me? A bottle of your best Prosecco.
Best? We've only got one.
I'm sorry to go on about it Geraldine, there's a time for business and there's a time to celebrate, and this is the time to celebrate.
We're dragging your little salon into the 21st century.
You should be thrilled.
What it's like To be loved by you I will love being loved By you Hey, he's all right, that one.
Yeah, I know he is.
So are you going to make it right this time and marry him? Oh, I think those are two different questions.
What does that mean? Meaning I will marry him and we'll both make it right.
Well, you'd better hurry up, or I might beat you to it.
What does that mean? Well, I'm not 100% certain, but I think this afternoon.
Mr Ferris asked me to marry him.
I beg your pardon? In these dreams I have loved you so That by now I think I'll know What it's like To be loved by you I will love .
.
being loved .
.
by you.
CHEERING Mike Bradley, everyone.
Please, come on, let's hear it for Mike.
Hey, Gerry, you all right? I need to talk to you.
I think I've made a terrible mistake.
Do you mind if I have some of this? No.
Right, do you want some more? OK, please welcome the man, the myth, the legend that is Mr Seaside, Danny Wilde! Here comes my happiness again Yay! You were absolutely brilliant.
Aw, thanks.
I'll get me own drink, shall I? Here y'are, have some of this.
No, you're all right, I think they owe me a free one after that.
Looks like we're going to be seeing a lot more of each other.
What's that supposed to mean? I'm starting work at the salon, so when you visit, we'll have to try and keep our hands to ourselves.
Is that a joke? It is time to repay your debt to me.
Not tonight, please.
I want the old woman out of her salon, and you are going to give her the last push from the inside.
Understand? We'll speak tomorrow.
Great song.
Oh, cheers, yeah, one of the classics.
Although a great song can be ruined unless you've got a great singer.
Where are you going to find one of them on a Friday night in Scarborough? Oh, Jess, can I get a pint of? I'll be with you in a minute, Mike.
Joe Cassidy.
Oh, Mike Bradley.
Nice to meet you.
You ever thought of going pro, Mike? Done that, got the T-shirt.
Well, I've got hundreds, actually.
Merchandise was never me strong point.
I work in artist management.
Oh, right, nice one.
I was asked to come and see the three girls.
Yeah, they were great.
Have you heard of a group called Rigoletto? No.
They won The X Factor about six years ago.
Oh, aye, yeah, those four plasterers from Wigan, weren't it? Opera singing, yeah.
Yeah.
Where did they disappear to? Australia.
They've been touring there the last few years.
They love them out there, four British guys who look like they've come to mend your washing machine but sing like Jose Carreras.
One of them wants to leave the band.
Always one, in't there? He's one of the more popular members of the band.
Brown hair, stocky, dark beard and the most beautiful, piercing blue eyes.
You offering me a job or chatting me up? I'll start you on 50 grand for a six-month tour.
And if you prove to be as popular as the other guy, we can renegotiate.
Scarborough's lovely, but have you ever been to the Gold Coast? Amazing place to bring up a family.
And the perfect place to make a new start.
What do you think? Just want to dance the night away With senoritas who can sway Right now, tomorrow's looking bright MUSIC COMES THROUGH FROM NEXT ROOM Think about it, Mike.
You know, you rarely get a second chance to make your dreams come true.
Jess! Jess! HE CRIES OU If you If you see her Please let her know That I'm well As you can tell And if she should tell you She HE LAUGHS Well, tell her no I gotta go Hey! Just want to .
.
dance the night away With senoritas who can sway SCATTING Bring me sunshine Bring me sunshine In your smile In your smile Make me happy Make me happy All the while All the while In this world where we live There should be more happiness So much joy we can give To each brand-new, bright tomorrow Make me happy Make me happy Through the years Through the years Never bring me Never bring me Any tears
Do you? How's your uncle? You mean Des? Mr Ferris.
I'm so pleased to spend some time with you.
Was there something more you wanted to say? It's like a dream come true.
To the salon.
Who is this investor? Tony Peroni.
MUSIC: Rotterdam by The Beautiful South.
Is it Britney? The celebrity! What? Is it Britney? I don't know.
Doubt it.
Well, they had her at t'open-air theatre.
Dunno.
Probably not.
Thanks, love.
Smashing, that.
What do you think you're doing? Eh? You said you were popping out for a fag break.
You know I don't smoke.
Yeah, which is why I said, "When did you start smoking?" To which I didn't reply.
Yeah, so what's going on? We get a ten-minute break in the morning and in the afternoon, but if you smoke, you get several breaks throughout the day.
That's for people who actually smoke! Well, I'm having an ice cream on me fag break.
You're never going to finish that in two minutes.
Next question.
Hello.
Can I have two 99s? Yeah, love.
Anyway, we're supposed to be boycotting Peroni's ice cream.
You might be, mate.
I'm not.
Best in town, these.
Well, if you were any sort of mate, you would.
Look, just because you had a go on Tony Peroni's missus, I don't see why I should have to go without.
I did not YOU certainly didn't.
I did not have a go on her.
She had a go on me.
What do you mean, "go without"? You can get ice cream anywhere, it's Scarborough.
Not like these, mate.
Ooooh! Anyway, it's not just that.
Peroni's taken over Karen's hair salon.
So? Well, it's awkward.
Mike, there is no direct connection between me enjoying a lemon and vanilla maxi cone and an old lady getting a shampoo and set.
It's a little thing called loyalty, mate.
Jack? Jess! Somebody was asking earlier who the celebrities are.
What celebrities? It says celebrities on the poster for tonight.
Oh, right.
So, who have we got, then? Well, we did ask Barbara Streisand to draw the meat raffle, but, erm, apparently she plays five-a-side football on a Friday night.
Do you need a celebrity for the raffle? Why? Do you know one? Right, you're not going to believe this, but my sister is really good friends with Dua Lipa.
She's in Scarborough tonight.
Julie who? Dua Lipa.
Sounds like some character off Star Wars.
She's a singer.
She's, like, really famous.
Jess, I've got 150,000 karaoke tracks on that laptop.
I think if What was her name? Dua Lipa.
I think if Dua Lipa was famous, I just might've heard of her.
Me dad knows Peter Levy.
What did you just say? Me dad knows Peter Levy.
What? THE Peter Levy? Yeah.
Off Look North? Yeah.
How does your dad know Peter Levy? He's just his mate.
Bloody hell.
Erm, right, right.
Er What, do you want some time off work to, I dunno, set up a meeting or summat? No.
I'll speak to me dad.
He'll give him a ring and see if he's about tonight.
Any chance of getting served in here? Coming.
Anyway, I'll let you know what he says.
Yeah.
Yeah, thanks, Jess.
Bloody hell.
Peter Levy! MUSIC: I Love To Love by Tina Charles.
Now, are you sure we haven't gone a little TOO high, Mrs Stokes? Well, you know what they say, the higher the hair, the closer to God.
Well, if that's the case, I think you should be made a saint.
I've got to make an impact, Gerry, it's me first gay wedding.
Oh, that'll be nice for you.
Now, one of them's a bipolar lesbian and the other's a nonbinary, gender-fluid atheist.
Ooh, fancy! Right, what do I owe you? Well, if you'd like to go over to the till, Mrs Stokes, you can settle up with Mandy.
SHE MOUTHS How much is it? 18.
80? 18, for goodness' sake! £18? No, euros, what do you think? That's 18 euros, please, Mrs Stokes.
What would I be doing with euros? I'm going to a lesbian wedding, not Gran Canaria.
Oh, for goodness' sake, Mandy, go and straighten the magazines.
I'm sorry about that, Mrs Stokes.
Oh, I'll get you some change.
Oh, that's all right.
See you next week.
Thank you, Mrs Stokes.
Right, Mrs Bell, sorry about that.
Let's get that coat off you.
It's boiling outside.
Are you not hot? I've been freezing cold since 1989.
Right, Mrs Hicks, thank you for your patience, I'll just be another couple of minutes.
Er, Karen, can I have a quick word? Yeah.
Now, Karen, I didn't tell you about this because I didn't want another flare-up, but Mr Peroni and his workmen are coming to look at the salon today.
I think you're making a big mistake, Geraldine.
Look, I don't want to go into it again.
I know you have issues with Tony's fiancee, but it's not her who's investing in the salon, it's him.
It's got nothing to do with that.
I had a look at your contract.
You did what? Well, it was on the side in the back.
I assumed that's why you'd left it out.
You thought I'd left the contract out so you could start dishing out business advice? Who do you think you are, Souker Tuleyman? Who? Dragons' Den! No, I I just think that you should DOOR OPENS Geraldine! So here we are.
I love to love That is going to cost a pretty penny to sort out.
Ooh, I've never seen anyone so thrilled to be talking about dry rot.
DOOR OPENS Marion? Hello? Sorry to let myself in, but I've been ringing that bell for ages.
Oh, it's probably given in.
It's been on its last legs for years.
I know how it feels.
Rubbish! Plenty of life left in you.
Well, there will be when you've eaten this meat pie.
Oh, Mr Ferris I mean Des will you look at that? She's just come out of the oven, so she'll want half an hour with the tea towel over her.
Again, I know how she feels.
SHE CHUCKLES Well, shall we adjourn to the conservatory? It would be my pleasure.
This is Karen, my chief stylist and second-in-command.
Karen, so pleased to meet you.
Likewise.
Ah, Geraldine, my business partner, Hayley.
I'm Tony's fiancee.
Business partner, fiancee, it is all the same, no? Oh, I hope not! THEY CHUCKLE POLITELY Hayley, Karen.
We know each other.
Well, I wouldn't go that far, but we've met.
Well, Geraldine, my guys will be here shortly to measure up, but shall we start to look around and have a chat? Yes, of course.
Can Mandy get anyone a tea? No, thank you, we just had brunch.
Well, if you'd like to follow me You know, this kind of space Well! This is very traditional.
Erm, Mary? I will have a drink, actually.
Black coffee, one sugar.
Her name's Mandy.
And she's not making any coffee.
Black coffee? Thanks.
I said no.
It's not a problem.
Mandy, can you get back to work, please? Do you remember what I said to you last time we saw each other? No.
Well, maybe you should've listened.
I said, "Don't make an enemy of me.
" Well, you see, the thing is, Hayley, I only really listen to people who have important or interesting information to pass on, not pointless, idle threats.
We'll see.
And then we could lower the ceiling and have, er, recessed lighting.
Oh, I've always rather liked the ceiling this height.
You know what you need back here? A nail bar.
Oh, we've never really done nails.
Huge mark-up on nails.
Oh, well, maybe we could think about sending Mandy on a course.
The girl at the front? Yeah.
HAYLEY LAUGHS Oh, please! I've got a little Vietnamese lady who comes to me.
She's called, er, Nuji.
Or Nujenna.
I call her Judy.
Petite, beautiful, never speaks unless she's spoken to.
AND she works for practically nothing.
I mean, look at these nails.
Me mam used to serve her when she worked in Fagan's.
Everybody in the bar used to call her the town bike.
Right, ladies, I'd better get to me facial.
You've got lovely skin, Mary.
You want to look after it.
It can start to let you down when you get past 40.
Or 50.
Well, maybe I'll see you at the Ship tonight, Karen.
I hear Mike's singing.
I missed him last time.
Must've been busy.
She's not going to be working here, is she? She better not be, because if she comes I go.
Beautifully kept garden.
Oh, leave off! It's not a patch on yours.
Well, you do it yourself.
I've seen you.
I have help.
Yes, yes.
Your nephew, isn't it? I saw him the other day.
He's a lovely lad.
Most young men under 30 look as if they need a good bath, but he's very clean-looking.
Jamie isn't my nephew.
Oh, is he not? I'm sorry, I thought you said he was.
I think I did.
I'm not sure why.
Aye, well, it hardly makes any difference, does it? Marion? Mm-hm? I'd like to tell you something Yes, of course.
Something I choose not to tell most people.
You can tell me anything.
Well, when Agatha and I divorced about ten years ago, I learned something about myself which I find very difficult to discuss.
I don't let it define me, I just have to come to terms with it, but the bottom line is nature has dealt me a pretty rotten hand.
Oh, no, no, you mustn't say that.
I know, it's silly and I'm in no way unique Oh, far from it! My daughter, Karen, she had a friend at hairdressing college, and he struggled terribly, but once he accepted that it was something he was born with, there was no stopping him.
He lives in San Francisco now, has his own dog-grooming business.
He was born with it? Oh, absolutely.
That's what I believe.
How old is he now? About the same age as Karen, I think, about oh, about 40.
If you don't mind me asking what kind of cancer is it? Cancer?! I Oh.
Erm Oh, I am sorry, Des.
Er, I Oh, I thought you meant, erm Thought I meant what? Well, when you said that Jamie wasn't your nephew, I thought that you were trying to tell me that that you were Oh, oh! I feel such an old fool.
You thought I was trying to tell you that Jamie was my partner? No! No, no, no.
No.
Well, yes.
Don Quixote! Yeah.
It's a shame people don't bother to read the classics any more, don't you think? Did you enjoy it? Eh? Don Quixote.
When you read it, did you enjoy it? Did I enjoy it? Well How can you not enjoy a bit of Don Quixote, you know? I won't spoil the ending for you, because you've not finished it yet, have you? Ooh, very chivalrous of you.
Not unlike Quixote.
Who? Don Quixote.
Oh, yes! Oh, yeah, very good, very good.
So, er, are you coming down the Ship tonight? There's a meat raffle.
I'm vegan.
Are ya? Mike's singing at the Ship tonight.
Aren't ya? Well, I'm going to do one song, then I'm going to spend the rest of the evening trying all the guest ales until I don't know me own name.
Well, I've seen you that drunk before.
Just, er stay away from the crab stalls, eh? Erm, right, I'd better get back to work.
Yeah, not a bad idea.
Bit of a knob, your mate Bigsy.
He's all right really, just doesn't know when to shut up.
Are you coming to the Ship tonight for this charity do? No, I'm going to a leisure centre in Filey to watch a re-enactment of the beheading of Marie Antoinette.
Well, ask a silly question.
I thought you were trying to tell me that you have a a partner when when all the time you were trying to tell me you've got cancer.
I had a partner.
Alan.
Did I ever meet him? I don't think you did.
He lived in London, and, of course, I was here in Scarborough.
We were both too stubborn to move.
But we did have a lot in common.
Far too much in common in the end - he died of cancer nearly a year ago.
Oh, I'm so sorry.
I married him four days before he died.
Oh, Des Not as romantic as it sounds.
He was determined the taxman didn't get any of his money.
Now that money's mine with no-one to spend it on.
But you never know, I might find someone daft enough to marry me.
You're handsome, you're kind, you're loyal, you're a fabulous cook.
What more could anyone want? I'm sure the right chap will come along.
I think it's companionship I'm looking for now.
That's what we want at our age, isn't it, Marion? It is, Des, it is.
And if that someone thought that I was handsome, loyal, kind, and they were attractive, funny and wise, I'd marry them like a shot.
Oh! Now, is it time for dinner yet? Er Oh, er, what do you fancy? A nice, big slice of home-made meat and potato pie.
SHE LAUGHS Let me have a look in the kitchen.
You might be lucky.
So, what what's happening, then? Well, we're all going to the Ship for the charity night.
Do you fancy it, Mrs Wise? Yeah, come on, Mrs Wise.
They've got singers on all night.
Not karaoke, proper singers.
No, I mean the salon.
What's happening with the salon? We don't really know yet.
Well, I hope you won't go the same way as the Vanity Box.
What they doing at the Vanity Box? You phone up for an appointment and you get a recorded message.
"Press one for an appointment, two"for something else Well, I've had my phone since Adam were a lad.
I've got nothing to press.
It's called progress, Mrs Wise.
Imagine all this with new units, new sinks, new dryers.
Yes, I am imagining it, and I don't like it, and I dare say most of the customers are saying the same.
Some of us love this place exactly as it is.
Well, where would Geraldine's regulars go if you went the same way as the Vanity Box, all computer booking and campuccinos? No, you tell Geraldine from me that we're not dead yet and this place is is the heart of Scarborough for us old girls.
Don't leave us without a home.
She ain't paid.
Oh, she did this last week.
Mandy, will you go after her, please? Come on, let's get closed up.
DOO-WOP MUSIC INSIDE PUB Every night in my dreams I see you, I feel you That is how I know you So, how's the new job? New job? Oh, at the arcade? Yeah.
Yeah, no, yeah, it's fine.
Yeah, every now and again, I like to get myself a little mainstream job just to keep a low profile before the next proper job comes in, you know? Your next mission? Give over! You make me sound like James Bond.
Do you fancy staying at mine tonight? Your what? My house.
Oh! Erm I thought you lived with your parents.
Yeah.
Yeah, we all sleep in one room but I think they'll be cool with it.
Oh, er That was a joke.
They're on holiday.
Oh, I knew you were No, I knew you were joking.
No, you didn't.
You should've seen your face.
I did! My face was also doing a Here y'are, look, I'll do it again, watch.
Yeah.
Yeah, I look forward to seeing that face again tonight.
Love can touch just one time And that's Well, I hope you're not on next.
These girls are good.
Oh, thanks for the vote of confidence, Marion.
Mam, you always like Mike's singing.
Yes, I do, but I'm just saying it's hard to compete against three bonny lasses.
Hey, do you not sing? Me and me sister once did Summer Nights from Grease and we got free shots.
Oh, well, get your names down.
That's why it's called karaoke.
Mother, it is not karaoke tonight.
Will you stop saying that? Well, it's good to have a little party piece up your sleeve.
Karen's father used to play the spoons.
No, he didn't! No, well, you won't remember.
It was in a cafe in Rhyl.
How was your afternoon with Mr Ferris? Mm interesting.
Oh! OK I'll tell you later.
Are those drinks coming? Because I'm sitting here spitting feathers.
You will go easy tonight, won't you? Yeah, course.
I've actually been thinking about what you were saying the other day.
Why, what were I saying? You know, about me growing up and taking responsibility seriously.
Yeah, but I didn't mean don't have a drink.
No, I'm not talking about the drink, I'm talking about everything, about us.
I've been an idiot lately and I want to put things right.
I want us to move in together, start a family.
I just want us to live happily ever after.
I love you, Karen.
I know you do.
I love you, too.
Do you? I do.
LOUD CHOKING AND HAWKING Soz.
Gasping.
Here you go.
Thank you.
SONG ENDS CHEERING Thank you, girls.
Now, don't forget, keep buying your tickets for the meat raffle, which will be drawn at the end of the evening by Look North's very own Peter Levy.
ALL: Oooh! But before that, we have a fantastic singer for you this evening.
Please put your hands together for Mike Bradley! CHEERING SLOW MUSIC STARTS I have dreamed That your arms are lovely I have dreamed What a joy you'll be I have dreamed Every word you whisper When you're close Close to me How you'll look in the Peter! Hey, listen, I've put you in the other bar so you don't get hassled, you know, but I just wanted to say thank you so much for doing this.
I am a massive, massive fan of your work.
Thank you.
I'm flattered to be here, especially as Jess just told me you could've had Dua Lipa.
Never heard of her.
I think you dodged a bullet there.
She's world famous.
You wouldn't have been able to move in here.
I'll be in the front bar.
The drinks are on me.
It's time to celebrate.
Tony, I'm sorry to ask again, but about the £10,000? 10,000? The one-off payment to take over the lease.
Oh.
You said it'd be paid into my account the next day.
Well, that was over a week ago.
Excuse me? A bottle of your best Prosecco.
Best? We've only got one.
I'm sorry to go on about it Geraldine, there's a time for business and there's a time to celebrate, and this is the time to celebrate.
We're dragging your little salon into the 21st century.
You should be thrilled.
What it's like To be loved by you I will love being loved By you Hey, he's all right, that one.
Yeah, I know he is.
So are you going to make it right this time and marry him? Oh, I think those are two different questions.
What does that mean? Meaning I will marry him and we'll both make it right.
Well, you'd better hurry up, or I might beat you to it.
What does that mean? Well, I'm not 100% certain, but I think this afternoon.
Mr Ferris asked me to marry him.
I beg your pardon? In these dreams I have loved you so That by now I think I'll know What it's like To be loved by you I will love .
.
being loved .
.
by you.
CHEERING Mike Bradley, everyone.
Please, come on, let's hear it for Mike.
Hey, Gerry, you all right? I need to talk to you.
I think I've made a terrible mistake.
Do you mind if I have some of this? No.
Right, do you want some more? OK, please welcome the man, the myth, the legend that is Mr Seaside, Danny Wilde! Here comes my happiness again Yay! You were absolutely brilliant.
Aw, thanks.
I'll get me own drink, shall I? Here y'are, have some of this.
No, you're all right, I think they owe me a free one after that.
Looks like we're going to be seeing a lot more of each other.
What's that supposed to mean? I'm starting work at the salon, so when you visit, we'll have to try and keep our hands to ourselves.
Is that a joke? It is time to repay your debt to me.
Not tonight, please.
I want the old woman out of her salon, and you are going to give her the last push from the inside.
Understand? We'll speak tomorrow.
Great song.
Oh, cheers, yeah, one of the classics.
Although a great song can be ruined unless you've got a great singer.
Where are you going to find one of them on a Friday night in Scarborough? Oh, Jess, can I get a pint of? I'll be with you in a minute, Mike.
Joe Cassidy.
Oh, Mike Bradley.
Nice to meet you.
You ever thought of going pro, Mike? Done that, got the T-shirt.
Well, I've got hundreds, actually.
Merchandise was never me strong point.
I work in artist management.
Oh, right, nice one.
I was asked to come and see the three girls.
Yeah, they were great.
Have you heard of a group called Rigoletto? No.
They won The X Factor about six years ago.
Oh, aye, yeah, those four plasterers from Wigan, weren't it? Opera singing, yeah.
Yeah.
Where did they disappear to? Australia.
They've been touring there the last few years.
They love them out there, four British guys who look like they've come to mend your washing machine but sing like Jose Carreras.
One of them wants to leave the band.
Always one, in't there? He's one of the more popular members of the band.
Brown hair, stocky, dark beard and the most beautiful, piercing blue eyes.
You offering me a job or chatting me up? I'll start you on 50 grand for a six-month tour.
And if you prove to be as popular as the other guy, we can renegotiate.
Scarborough's lovely, but have you ever been to the Gold Coast? Amazing place to bring up a family.
And the perfect place to make a new start.
What do you think? Just want to dance the night away With senoritas who can sway Right now, tomorrow's looking bright MUSIC COMES THROUGH FROM NEXT ROOM Think about it, Mike.
You know, you rarely get a second chance to make your dreams come true.
Jess! Jess! HE CRIES OU If you If you see her Please let her know That I'm well As you can tell And if she should tell you She HE LAUGHS Well, tell her no I gotta go Hey! Just want to .
.
dance the night away With senoritas who can sway SCATTING Bring me sunshine Bring me sunshine In your smile In your smile Make me happy Make me happy All the while All the while In this world where we live There should be more happiness So much joy we can give To each brand-new, bright tomorrow Make me happy Make me happy Through the years Through the years Never bring me Never bring me Any tears