Serie Noire (2014) s01e06 Episode Script

Santa Claus with nunchakus? What the hell? Lea, this is your co-writer, Denis.
You already know each other.
-What are you doing here? -We're in deep shit! Don't go back home.
Your role in this show will be limited to the special thanks section, at the end of the credits.
Hey, butt face! Your next client is at 10:30.
We're on the wrong side of town.
He's a last minute call.
You sure answer a lot of last minute calls.
Look dude, I do the fucking, you do the driving.
-All right! -We have to use the code we agreed on.
I did use it! I did! -You're not really on it.
-Come on If you leave the same time between each note, it's not really a tune anymore.
Whatever, I'm not percussionist! It's a little better.
It's all right.
We can't all have a sense of rhythm.
Shut the door! Hi! How do you like living together? It's OK, but he doesn't talk and he doesn't close the door when he takes a shit.
-Does Steven Seagal suspect anything? -No, it's all good.
-Thanks for coming.
-Yes, thanks.
I wanted to find a Raiders hat for you, but no time to go downtown.
I wasn't able to speak to Bruno.
The only news I have comes from Ricky.
Everyone's freaking out.
-What about our meeting? -There is no meeting.
The clinic is closed for a week.
Bruno doesn't answer.
Can we send an email or something? We're just screenwriters.
We have nothing to do with Marc Arcand.
We are the victims! -Can we go home at least? -I don't know anything, but I wouldn't chance it.
I have to take this call.
-Hello? -Please tell me what's going on! Look It's because we're in No, it's amazing! I had never identified with Valerie.
I had always thought she was a dull and bland character, but now, I care for her, I've become attached, I want to help her When I read the scene in the cabin with Pierre, I got off my chair and locked all the doors in the house.
Really, it's strong, very strong.
-You like it? -Look, darling.
I'm an seasoned producer, I don't want to drop a team in its prime.
Let's meet in my office at 2:00 pm.
With Patrick.
Louise wants to see us at 2:00 pm.
She totally loves our episodes.
Does she know I wrote the first one? Of course, that's why she wants to see us both.
-Are these my boots? -Yes.
Trust me, everything is coming together.
-I don't believe you! -Stop saying that! You'll eat your words when I get your job back.
I can't leave right now.
It would look suspicious.
But I can't be late.
It's the beginning of my collaboration with Lea.
It would be too weird.
I know how to get my job back.
I still think you should trust me and let me take care of it.
Mind your own business.
I look like a popsicle.
Can you do a quick blowjob? -No.
-Go, Charlene will stay a little.
Are you crazy? He might see me leaving.
You're in disguise.
It's too bad I don't have any money.
It would greatly enhanced the realism.
Yes, it's too bad.
Change of place.
Continental Plaza Restaurant, OK? Jean-Guy Boissonneau.
It's a pleasure to meet you.
I think we ran into each other at the Christmas Party.
Am I bothering you? I know you have a meeting, Louise told me.
-Actually -This is excellent news.
I am so happy for you, and for the series The former team wasn't working out.
After a while, when it doesn't cut the mustard, it's time to change the recipe! I've always said that Patrick isn't a writer.
Not everyone can be one.
I just wanted to let you know that I can provide some input.
I know writers hate hearing that from actors, but I would be happy to help.
I was also wondering How's my character coming along? Do you need any special input in relation to him? Let's see He had an accident -Yes, a little accident.
-If you ask me, we probably won't see Judge Boivin again until episode 6 or 7.
I'm so sorry I'm waiting on someone.
I can't really No problem.
Yes, it's all good.
The series Miami Vice, broadcast from 1984 until 1990, was a staple of Denis' pre-teenage years.
Don Johnson wore a special leather shoulder holster and was therefore able to conceal two guns under his colorful and loose outfits.
Denis never forgot about this holster.
So sorry, when I got to the subway station, I realized I forgot my card.
This must be a mistake.
Mr.
Marlin, screenwriting consultant What's going on, Denis? Everyone sits at my table except for you.
-Where are you? I can't see you.
-I'm in the front, next to the windows, near the brick wall.
The brick wall -Where's the brick wall? -There's no brick wall here.
There's no brick wall here.
I'm not crazy! -The hotel is on Sherbrooke, right? -Which hotel are you talking about? I'll call you right back.
Excuse me, I beg your pardon.
Could I possibly use the service door to exit the building? -No, it's for employees only.
-You don't understand.
I have good reasons to think I'm about to get ambushed.
Denis, I'm here! -Sir, are you all right? -Yes.
-Hi! -Hello! Great pick! We might have to become regulars! Excuse me.
Hello? Hi, this is your favorite broadcaster.
Did you get my text message? Pretend you're talking to Patrick.
Say: "Hi, Patrick.
" Hi, Patrick.
First, I'd like to thank you for the other night.
Laurence really spent a great evening with you.
She said a lot of great things about you.
Look, Patrick, I can't really talk to you right now.
I want you to fuck her.
You're breaking up, Patrick.
-I want you to fuck her! -I'll call you back, Patrick, OK? She wants you.
It'll be simple and easy.
We haven't fucked once in three years.
She thinks that you sent her a mail.
I made sure the mail was really dirty.
Room 311 is reserved under your name.
Your keys are at the front desk.
One more thing She likes an intense ride.
Go steady, with snappy little strokes.
It'll do you a world of good.
You seemed a bit tense the other night.
Isn't she beautiful? That's not the issue.
I'm giving you a wonderful late Christmas present.
Lea told me things are not going great with your girlfriend.
You don't have to do it.
It's totally up to you.
But if you refuse, ciao, bye, you're fired.
-I'm going to hang up.
-If you accept, I'll find a way to hire a third screenwriter.
-Patrick? -Absolutely.
Snappy little strokes.
-Excuse me.
-Don't worry.
Patrick is the guy you used to write with? Yes.
Do you feel guilty because of what happened? For sure But one can always make amends.
Right.
Everything OK? You can change your mind.
It's OK.
-We're both in a relationship -No, I'm fine.
You'll see.
I got us a nice room.
-Patrick? -I let myself in.
OK.
News travel fast! OK I have two things to tell you: you can keep my girlfriend, but I'd like to get my job back.
-Have you talked to Denis? -Denis doesn't know I'm here.
Seriously, you haven't talked to him? -You just talked, right? -No.
Look, I took a difficult decision.
It seemed like the right decision, at the time, and I haven't played any games, I've been honest, upfront, straightforward, but since I'll give a picture of you and Lea to your wife if you don't give me my job back.
Is that upfront enough for you? -A picture? What do you mean? -You know which one I'm talking about.
A tough guy showed it to you on Christmas Eve.
How did you get it? Look I'm in love with Lea.
I've never been in love this way before.
If I have to go through a divorce, this picture could hurt me a lot.
I know there's picture out there.
I saw it.
And I can't sleep anymore! -You can't do this to me.
-I can do anything I want.
You really should have talked to each other.
Your timing is insane.
No surprise you're such a shitty team! This came in one hour ago.
I will file for divorce in one week.
Get the fuck out of here! I'm torn right now.
Should I spare our only award or should I break it on your head? You have a point.
It is our one and only award Did you have a good time at least? She's a beautiful woman.
Great tits.
Did you keep on going after the photographer came in? Regardless, I really appreciate You turned yourself into a prostitute -A semi-prostitute.
-a semi-prostitute for me.
And, I -I won't question your loyalty anymore.
-Don't even try! You idiot.
The broadcaster said that we were a shitty team.
Well, today, to be honest I would almost agree with him.
First, regarding the award Do we need to come up with a schedule? You keep it in February, he keeps it in March We could come up with a schedule.
Let's get straight to the point.
I love your episodes.
Patrick, did you write the first one? -Yes.
-It's the best one.
But the second episode is great as well.
I will not break your partnership.
I don't know what's going on, but you guys are on a roll! We need to change the broadcaster's mind.
Do you have any ideas? -No.
-No.
How is it going with Lea? Not good.
She's into the paranormal angle.
I'm trying to support her, hoping to sabotage the whole thing.
Yes, we have to get her out of the picture.
Two words: vaginal flora.
Excuse me, everyone! I heard you guys when I came in.
Vaginal flora? We are animals, guys.
We are made of flesh.
Remember, all our life is based on that.
In a nutshell: he's crazy about her, and that's why you're getting fired.
Yes.
I have an idea.
Let's take away any chance of him getting any release.
Nothing is worse than being in love yet being unable to let off some steam.
And we know what we're talking about.
-Let's throw her pH off-balance.
-What are you talking about, Jean-Guy? I used to date a girl who suffered from chronic vaginitis, and I can tell you I didn't let it last very long.
It's Lea actually.
-Vaginitis.
-What should we do? -Vaginitis.
-OK! You keep on working with her and you push the paranormal angle.
Meanwhile, you guys keep on writing under the radar.
That's what matters.
Hello? Yes, I'm sorry Hello? Hi.
-What are you doing here? -I could ask you the same thing.
I'm here to pick my computer.
Judith is at her mother's with my kid.
We can't stay here.
Shit hit the fan.
Yes, I know.
Are you OK? Still upset? I put it in my coat and forgot to give it to her.
You can give it to her.
I know she likes it quite a bit.
Thank you.
It's very kind.
Thank you.
Why would you thank me? Because I'm glad I'm not in season two after all.
It prevented me from living in reality.
I want to make some changes in my life Life is what matters.
I have to stay away from this fictional stuff.
Good luck with everything.
-Are you sure you don't want any? -Enough with your jewelry already.
Hi.
I have to be quick.
If I hang up, it won't be because I got shot at.
Lea's in the bathroom.
I need to spend a couple hours with her.
Should we meet at the motel to work afterwards? Yes, that's great.
-Sir? -Yes.
We're going to bring your car.
How do you wish to pay? Credit card, I think.
Where are you? My car is ready, I came to pick it up.
Did you get your computer? Yes, the structure is taking shape.
It's great If Lea keeps the ball rolling, we should be able to meet the deadline.
OK, I'll see you at the motel? That's great! Louise? Again? She's stressing me out! She should leave the writing to us and mind her own business! Actually, she just called to say that she loves your idea about Sara appearing as a ghost.
-Really? -Yes.
Maybe her body could look transparent.
Louise said she might have a budget for some visual effects.
Come in! What's going on? You seem to be the only person I can trust! -Can I stay here? -Yes.
What's going on? -Ricky assaulted me.
-Like a sexual assault? He assaulted me.
Yes, but physically or sexually? -Can you give me a hug, please? -Of course.
I don't know.
I told him I had a last minute client.
He blew a fuse, threw me on the car seat, -and slid his hand in my panties -No way! Did you tell Bruno? I still can't reach him.
I need you to protect me.
-Is Ricky aware that you're here? -No.
You can stay here as long as you want I'll protect you.
It's too bad, I don't have any cash.
I spent it all on groceries.
I know it's wrong to insist, but I am obsessed.
Judge Boivin is part of me, I don't have a choice.
At this stage of the writing process, I don't think it's a good idea.
You can't just write off my experience.
I just went from black and white to color.
-Five minutes, that's it.
-Ah -Are you ready? -Yes, I am.
After his accident, Judge Boivin falls in a deep coma.
His family is very worried We're in his hospital room, at night.
The camera is slowly zooming in on Judge Boivin His eyes are closed.
He's in a coma Tumblebeck! The machines have warned the doctors.
The judge just woke up.
A nurse gets in the room.
Despite being very weak still, Judge Boivin manages to grab the nurse's arm.
I must call the Supreme Court -I don't understand.
-Come on John Tumblebeck, last episode of season one Judge Boivin sentenced him to life in prison.
He knew he was innocent.
A judge amending a sentence.
It's never been seen before! Thank you for your time.
I'm leaving now.
It's one of these three.
To be sure, make a copy for each of them.
I'm sorry! I was so in character that I ended up taking your keys.
My car wasn't starting! Excuse me.
Look, can you leave us alone for 15 minutes? Get yourself a drink at the front desk No, I'm sorry, I'm not going to freeze my ass outside.
You need to stop.
We're here to work.
Do you have your laptop? No, I was waiting for you to go and get it.
Maybe you can be on the lookout.
I went out there on my own.
Perhaps, but I'm the main target.
All right, put on some clothes.
Let's go.
-Have you talked to Bruno? -No.
I'm sorry.
Can I take a rain check? Well That's not the song.
Charlene, open the door.
I know you're here! -Fuck, it's Ricky! -I thought he didn't know! -What do we do? -Charlene! We can't let him in, Bruno will know that we're here! Hide! I'll take care of him.
-But he assaulted you! -Sexually? Hide in the bathroom! Charlene, I'm going to break this fucking door! Calm down! What kind of games are you playing? Are you trying to get me fired? -Did you follow me? -Why did you call Bruno? Why are you telling lies? She said she didn't talk to Bruno.
It's your word against mine.
And I'm the new guy.
Who do you think they're going to believe? You sneaky little bitch! Take your hands off me! -Are you crazy? -Help! Patrick! The little driver! Is he dead? I don't think so.
Come on, we're just screenwriters! -Are you OK? -Yes.
Take your car, let's meet at my place.
I don't think your computer is our first priority right now.
We're not going there to get my computer.
What? Why did you say that you didn't talk to Bruno? I didn't talk to him.
How does he know that Ricky assaulted you? I left a message on his voicemail.
-Hello? -Everything seems clear.
All right, I'm on my way.
Let's go.
Wait for me here.
If you see anything, call me.
Can you finally tell me what we came to pick up? Where did you get all this? -Take this.
-It's like the gun in Commando.
No, it's the one Stallone had in Cobra.
I'll get my computer, then we can go.
Valerie bought an illegal weapon from Miguel, the Mexican illegal she met in prison in episode 2.
In her motel room, sitting on the bed, she stares at the gun.
This is the gun she's going to use to take her revenge on Pierre.
You can tell she is mesmerized as well as terrified by this turn of events.
Three! -So, what's the plan? -We take 15 North, and we meet at Harvey's, in Saint-Sauveur.
We'll find a motel off 117.
-What do I say to Judith? -You'll figure it out! -Damn! -Hurry! What was that? Holy fuck! No, that can't be true! Come on! -What are you doing? -Don't worry! I just got my car repaired! Asshole! We're just screenwriters! Mom? We need your room for two minutes.
I'm sorry, Judith.
We just wanted to test a few ideas.
We obviously didn't plan to go this far.
Things will improve.
Do what it takes.
Can I see it again? No, I put it away.
Not bad, right? -Do you want to touch it? -Yeah.
Yes, just like that.
OK, that's it.
That's all I have.
-I'm sorry.
-Thank you We haven't seen many people since Gilles had a stroke.
-Excuse me! -Yes.
-Here.
-Thank you.
Would you like a drink? No, thank you! Gilles? May I smoke if I turn on the kitchen fan? I'd prefer if you could smoke outside.
I would but it's dangerous outside.
So Shit did hit the fan.
Yes.
-No, don't look at me.
-Excuse me.
Hold on, just a second.
Yes? Would you like something to drink? Something to eat maybe? -No, thank you.
-Very well.
I need six undercover guys with the minivan.
Are you OK? We'll be ready in 10 minutes.
OK, great.
-Are you going to be OK? -What? -Are you going to be OK? -Yes.
Look, I'll be back.
Charlene! OK, it's cool.
Yes, I'm coming.
Bye.
-What are you doing? -I don't feel super comfortable with all these pigs around.
One keeps staring at me, I wonder if I had him as a client before.
-Who were you talking to? -My mother.
I'm going to stay at her place while things cool down.
I'm sorry for this mess.
Don't be sorry.
Life is that way.
Take care of yourself.
OK, Fanfan, we're about to go live.
Perfect, Kiki.
-The line is ready.
-Awesome.
Hello? Mr.
Bouchard, you were the first victim.
I'm the second one.
Bear with me, I've had four Coors Light.
But Lea keeps on ignoring me.
She says she doesn't need my legal expertise.
And I just got a call from Morel, the District Attorney.
She asked me if I knew about a deal made by the police and my clients to cancel the indecent exposure charges.
I don't have time to talk, I'll call you back later.
Do you realize all the time I wasted on your trial? It would have been my first trial! I'm going to show you that behind the lawyer, there is a human being, with emotions, with feelings, a human being who is about to become your worst nightmare! How dare you? Hello? I want to offer you a deal You're not in a position to cut deals.
I want my guns.
That's the deal I'm talking about.
I want to do a trade.
What do you want in exchange for my guns? $500! You want me to buy what's rightfully mine? You're really dumber than I thought.
Well You broke my mirror! Look, if you want, I can wait for the repair bill, so we know the exact amount, it might turn out to be cheaper than $500.
Look, Bruno I don't know what to do.
I don't care about my mirror and I don't care about your guns.
I just want my life back as the flawed screenwriter who writes a flawed series with his flawed friend.
And besides, we have no connection with Marc Arcand! He's just a fool we took advantage of because we thought we could use his bullshit to come up with new ideas.
He doesn't care about your business, and neither do we.
We give your guns back.
You leave us the fuck alone.
We're not a threat to you in any way.
The only thing we know about your business is that your Range Rover is a gas-guzzler.
You guys meet me at the clinic in one hour.
"You guys"? Do I need to go as well? OK, we're on! OK, team, everyone in position.
Stephen King one and Kafka one are on the move.
OK, we're upstairs, -we're walking towards the door -OK, stop it! Wait He's not here.
We might have to do this some other time.
Admiral Ackbar! Bruno? We're here.
We have the suitcase.
Bruno, you said one hour.
We're here.
Let's leave the suitcase here.
Then we go.
Done deal.
Bruno? I think Detective Perez? We're coming back, something happened.
Bruno is dead! We came in.
He's lying on the floor.
He has blood here.
Maybe he got shot.
Call Tremblay, tell him to meet us upstairs.
Are you sure he was dead? OK, let's search the area, the guy is wounded, he can't be far.
I'm no CSI expert, but he was here and he seemed dead.
We didn't check if he was still breathing.
If he's still alive, we might still be in danger Don't worry, if we can't find him, an agent will watch over your house.
The award is gone! Fuck! -So? -I'm not crazy, I dropped it and it fell down in a straight line.
Let's see -What are you doing? -Your door is not closed all the way.
-So? -The light's still on.
What's going on? You're madly in love with her, Steven Seagal is threatening her, you want to help her, so you kill her pimp.
This is some classic screenplay material.
Ouch! Why did you do that? I'm not in love!