She-Hulk: Attorney at Law (2022) s01e06 Episode Script

Now that I've analyzed
your blood samples,
it's way too dangerous
to get out in the world.
Thunderball, did you get it?
No. I couldn't pierce
that nasty green skin.
Previously on She-Hulk
I've got court documents
filed by Titania Worldwide LLC.
She's suing for trademark misuse.
You're using my name to
sell your trashy products.
To be my client, dress
like you respect yourself
and not like a football player
pleading no contest to a DUI.
Luke, this is the She-Hulk.
Oh, my God.
Because I made a dating profile as She-Hulk,
every single one of those dates
is a corroborating witness.
Would you have gone on the date
if She-Hulk had instead
presented as Jennifer Walters?
She's not really my type.
The court finds in favor of
Jennifer Walters, aka She-Hulk.
This isn't over, hater.
Oh, goodie.
No, Jen, you don't need to bring
a Luke Jacobson business suit
to the wedding.
I wanna see the supersuit
that he made you.
Why? I'll never wear it.
Come on. You're killing me!
It's double the sin
to kill a fun person.
No, no, no. Look at the dress that
Luke made me for the rehearsal dinner.
- What?
- Yeah.
- Oh, my God!
- Do you love it?
You're gonna look hot as Shulky.
That's a reason to go to the wedding.
Yes! That's actually the
reason I'm really excited to go.
Why does anyone have a
wedding on a Thursday?
Oh, Lulu's an old
friend from high school.
She's like She knows my whole family.
My cousin Ched is DJing the wedding.
- What?
- Yes.
But we just, like, gradually grew
apart and we don't talk anymore.
Why are you a bridesmaid?
'Cause she I think she
just felt obligated to ask me.
And I felt obligated to say yes because
how do you say no to being a bridesmaid?
You just say no.
I hate that Mallory has to
pick up my slack at work.
It's just a divorce case.
It gives me the opportunity to work
so much closer with Miss Mallory.
Hmm.
Yes, it's a self-contained
wedding episode.
And if you think this is happening
at an inconvenient time, you're right.
'Cause that's how weddings always are.
But I'm gonna look great, so let's go.
Let's do it!
Wow, Jen!
Everything about you is just working!
Thank you, Heather!
You took that "Toned Up for the
Big Day" workout plan seriously.
- Yeah, I did.
- Yeah.
Girl, your ass looks crazy right now.
Incredible!
Everybody has an ass. Hi, Jen.
Hi, Lulu! Oh, my God!
Um, can I talk to you for a second?
- I can't believe you're doing this.
- What?
Taking all the attention away
from me with your This.
No one's gonna be looking at me.
All eyes will be on
you. It's your big day.
I know it's my big day.
I don't want you to be
Hulk-y at my wedding.
Promise me, Jen.
Promise?
I promise. I will just show up
as regular Jen at your wedding.
- Thank you.
- Yeah. Okay. You're okay.
It's my big day!
Obviously, this is the one time I
didn't wanna show up as just Jen.
Jackson, Sam, Greg, and Mark.
They're Adam's groomsmen.
So if everyone's coupled up,
do I not have a groomsman?
Jen! We would not leave
you hanging like that.
Do you think we want our
wedding to look insane?
You're gonna be walking with Jonathan.
He'll be at the ceremony tomorrow.
Oh, my God! Jonathan! I love him.
Jonathan is literally the best!
Oh! Awesome. Okay!
All right, Mr. Hollis.
Uh, Mr. Immortal.
I'm sorry. Didn't you say
your name was Craig Hollis?
It is. But I go by Mr.
Immortal. It's pithier.
Sure.
Mr. Immortal, you were saying.
Right. Yes, I know that this
is not your typical divorce case
but I need you to help me out,
otherwise this settlement
could bleed me dry.
Mmm. Divorce is hard.
Yeah. It's not like I
didn't try marriage out.
I did. Several times.
In fact, it could be said that
no one has tried more than me.
Probably literally.
I'm a good guy. I don't
wanna hurt anybody's feelings.
But you know, inevitably,
things go stale.
But that is a tough conversation.
"I don't want to be
married to you anymore.
I find that you are
emotionally suffocating me,
and you wear weird pajamas."
Can you blame me for walking
out into traffic during rush hour
and putting an end to the
whole issue right there?
- Wait, what?
- Let me get this straight.
Are you saying that instead of
having a conversation with your wife,
you kill yourself to get
out of the relationship?
Whoa, whoa, whoa, I don't kill
myself. I'm immortal. So, I can't die.
You think this woman with
a law degree doesn't know
what immortal means?
Well, but in, in my case, I do
die, but only in the legal sense.
So you die.
I do, "I die." But only for a
"Kinda die" for But I do die.
Did you ever feel bad about this tactic?
- Like I said, I'm a nice guy.
- You said that.
Yeah, if you have the opportunity,
I think this is the most
considerate way to end a marriage.
That's not the word you want.
No, you just don't know how to have
any sort of confrontation whatsoever.
Oh, I thought that this
That lawyers were supposed
to not be judgmental.
No, they just have to
represent you. I'm tapping out.
Obviously, ending a
relationship is hard.
But so is grieving the death of a spouse.
I'm not sure who I should worry
about. The government, tax?
Was there an insurance claim?
Well, at least now we
know how he does it.
Oh, Jen. Jen. I'm the worst.
We haven't even gotten to catch up at all.
How are you? What have you been up to?
Oh, I'm
Actually, I'm the head of a
new department at GLK and H,
which is, like, one of the most
prestigious law firms in the country,
and I mean, as you saw, I now
have superpowers, which is nuts.
No, I didn't mean I don't want that.
Are you dating a guy? Is
there a boy in your life?
Oh. No. No, no. No.
Oh, no! I'm sorry. You'll
find someone. Don't feel bad.
Oh, I don't feel bad.
That's right! You know what,
you still have a little time.
Lulu! Team Edward or Jacob?
Oh, my Let it rest! You
know I dated both those actors.
What the hell?
Hey, Jen! So good to see you.
I love that you never
make any effort at all.
What are you doing here?
This is my friend's very real
wedding! You can't pull your crap here!
Okay. Well, I see the chit-chat is over.
The answer to your
extremely rude question
is that I happen to be dating a
friend of the groom, and he invited me.
- Titania!
- Hey, girl, hey!
You made it! You're so busy, though.
You have, like, 5,000 businesses.
- I do.
- Yeah.
What? No. No. She has weaseled her
way into this wedding to mess with me.
That is so obvious. Why
does nobody else see that?
Okay, you're being very loud.
Jen, I hear you. Again. I do.
But you sound insane right now.
Titania wouldn't just
show up to my wedding,
try and trying to kill you or something.
I'm literally just here to celebrate
the love of Lulu and her groom.
- That's all, okay?
- That's so sweet.
Yeah. See? Not everything
is about you, Jennifer.
Whatever!
- Sorry. I know this is a little weird.
- Oh, sorry.
I haven't perfected the least
awkward way to approach a stranger.
Oh.
- Yeah, could use a little work.
- Yeah.
Work on that for the next
time I bungle another intro.
- Cool.
- I'm Josh.
- Jen.
- Bride or groom?
- Bride. I went to high school with Lulu.
- Mmm.
- Wow.
- Mmm-hmm.
- You?
- Groom.
But it all blends together.
- Can I ask you a question?
- Yeah.
Did they give you a plus one? I
don't understand how they decided.
- Yeah, they didn't, but I don't mind.
- Mmm.
See, my plan was to strike
up a very normal conversation
with a beautiful woman stuffing
her face with candied nuts.
- Oh!
- I'm very good at sticking to my plans.
- Yeah. I can tell.
- Yeah.
Oh, my gosh, Jen. Oh, my
gosh, I'm so happy I found you.
Half the staff is quitting
because of "how I'm treating them."
Could you help me clean up around here?
Straighten up? Take up some
of these empties, tidy up?
I could use your help.
It's on the inside, please?
- Yeah. Yep.
- Thank you, Jen.
- Yeah, yeah.
- See you later.
Bye.
$75,000 of credit card debt,
and Paul conveniently
disappears the day the bill came.
Well, I never saw a dime for raising
Spencer Jr. alone for all those years.
I spent $10,000 on a
New Orleans jazz funeral
after Arnie accidentally
swallowed a cyanide pill.
Ladies and gentlemen,
I hear you, believe me.
Can I ask how you all first
became aware of Mr. Immortal's
pattern of behavior?
It was because of me.
My friend sent me a link to a video
posted on that site, Intelligencia.
The one for hateful man babies?
Yep, that's the one.
You saw this man walk into
a busy intersection and then he
gets hit by four different cars.
His body regenerates and then
he just gets up and walks away.
I, of course, immediately
recognized my idiot husband, Roger.
This is what I was worried about.
Not only did you fake your
own death multiple times,
but you also forged
multiple fake identities.
Frankly, all of these spouses
should be filing criminal charges.
You are lucky you're not in prison.
I will never understand women
if I lived to be a And I will.
Understand this.
I'll get you the best deal
under the circumstances.
- Thank you.
- Don't touch me.
But let me tell you this.
You're gonna have to pay.
Why are you smiling?
It's kinda fun.
No, she'll totally do it.
This is such a Jen job.
I make her do stuff like this.
Oh! Hey! So, the groomsmen
were playing Mario Kart
and their shirts got wrinkled.
Oh, my God, from a video game?
Yeah. Video games are sports now.
They're on ESPN and everything.
- Yeah.
- So you're on ironing duty, right?
- I am?
- Yeah. Go bride squad!
Thank you so much. Amazing.
- Jen! Your groomsman is here!
- Oh, my God! He's here!
Jonathan is here! Jonathan!
Look who you get to walk
down the aisle with!
He's so brave. We had to
resuscitate him this morning.
Jonathan, of course.
Um
Ladies, Sebastian, how about this?
I still have all of those
Apple shares I bought in 1981,
plus all the gold left to me by
my first wife, Baroness Cromwell.
How about we split it evenly,
eight ways, and call it a day?
- Very fair.
- Generous and fair.
Then everyone can move
on with their lives.
I will draw up the paperwork immediately
- and we will get this all sorted out.
- Just a minute.
We were married for 18 years and
she was only with him for three.
Why should she get the same amount?
Because I had a kid with this fool.
- Why should I be punished for her mistake?
- My son is not a mistake.
You used the word "mistake."
- I just want my 18 years
- You made a mistake.
Mistake, mistake, mistake.
Yo, yo, what's going on, my party people?
It's your boy, DJ In-ch-ch-chedible Hulk!
- Let's get it started
- Unbelievable.
for the new couple!
Hit me with a heavy pour, buddy.
That will be an extra $5.
Of course.
What else am I gonna do
for the next four hours?
Okay, I got you. Sebastian,
this is what we're gonna do.
You are gonna be reimbursed
for the Lake Lawn mausoleum.
Jazz funeral, so chic.
I love your style.
Taylor, you will receive
backpay for the two years
that you quit your job to help Paul
run a rare jade shop in Piedmont.
Cheryll, cash. You want it? You get it.
- Cash money!
- Amy.
Yes.
You are going to receive a sincere
apology with meaningful eye contact.
- Oh, my God. Thank you.
- Lasting at least 15 seconds.
Okay? And remember,
everyone. What's our mantra?
- Never again!
- Yes!
And I feel like that
is it. Okay. Mallory?
That all work for you?
Yep. Does I have a
Is that the absolute best you
can do on eye contact?
Amy, that's 20 seconds of eye contact.
That seems interminable.
This got ugly. There's
absolutely no doubt about that.
But I truly did love each and every
No, save it!
Okay! We are done here.
Ms. Ramos, unconventional and excellent.
Yes!
- Nice job.
- Get me my money, yeah.
Bruce, where are ya?
I've been trying to get a
hold of you for weeks,
or months, or days, or whatever.
Call me back, you ding dong.
Do not get lazy on me now.
Let's get these feet shufflin', baby.
- Josh! I thought Lulu had eaten you.
- Oh, my gosh.
Oh, no, I'm here.
This is the most fun I've seen you
have all Wednesday and Thursday.
Josh. Joshua. Joshinson.
It's a good name.
My parents.
- Really?
- Yeah.
- They gave you a good face, too.
- Oh, did they?
Wow, thank you for that compliment.
I was wondering when you would notice.
I just had my brain on way
too much of this wedding stuff,
big dumb marriage, and love
So you're a romantic? That's what it is?
- I don't actually hate love.
- Oh.
I just wanted to come to one wedding
and show that I was
actually doing pretty good.
- I don't have a boyfriend or a husband.
- Good to know.
Let me tell you a
secret. Come here. Listen.
Yeah, I'm coming. I'm coming.
Okay, so I'm actually
doing really so good.
And I have a great
job. Lawyering the law.
And I am so strong.
Dude, I'm really strong.
Yeah, I can It's tight.
Yeah. And you haven't seen what
my She-Hulk hair looks like!
Oh, I would love to see it.
- Really?
- Yeah.
I can't do it here.
Okay.
You know, everyone is always so
Saying about how She-Hulk is amazing
They're always saying it. I
wanted to be amazing tonight.
I don't know. I I
think you're pretty great.
You do?
I do.
Oh, no.
- Are you okay?
- Oh, no, it's happening.
What's, what's
Yeah, let it out, babe. Let it all out.
Knew it!
Obviously. I literally
said this isn't over.
So now I am I'm going
to publicly destroy you.
Oh, come on! I won that
fair and square. Get over it.
I don't get over anything.
Are you not gonna turn?
I can take you like this.
This is just sad.
It's no fun unless
you're She-Hulk. Come on!
Why are you so obsessed with me?
I am not obsessed with you. Although
it seems like everyone else is.
You don't get to ruin everything for me
for something you don't even want.
Something you don't even deserve.
So now I am forced to
prove it. So green up!
Okay, just this one
time I turn She-Hulk.
Oh, no, I forgot how to do it.
This is pathetic.
Ugh! Give me a second!
We got a wedding fight!
My veneers!
You think this is funny?
Are you showing your 11
followers on Instagram?
Where are you going?
And I'm taking this!
This wedding sucks!
Oh, Lulu. I know I promised.
She sucker-punched me when I was
throwing up. Like, who does that?
Oh, my God.
She-Hulk is at my wedding?
- Yeah.
- I love you so much. I'm a fan.
- Whoa! Huge boobs!
- Yes, they're big.
Okay, huge boobs. Congrats. Whatever.
I love the photobooth
here. The guy is so hot.
I mean, I just don't understand
why anyone that afraid of
conflict keeps getting married.
Oh, yeah.
And I just can't believe that guy got
eight different people to marry him.
You must not be single in Los Angeles.
I have been married a long time.
- You're married?
- Eleven years this October.
- What?
- The day after my son's birthday. Yeah.
Hold on. You have children? You
have a child. You have a kid.
- Mallory Book has
- Enough questions.
- Okay.
- Let's see here.
Wait, I gotta look at this.
What is this? She-Hulk
Hulking? Wait, what the hell?
"Comma, she was so gross.
- She was 30. Ew!" Okay.
- Oh, God.
I just copied and pasted what guys
have said to me on the Internet.
Accepted. Hashtag,
friends with bros. Okay.
This is What? What is this?
Mal, "How do we kill She-Hulk?"
This is dark. We gotta talk to Jen.
No, we do not. No.
Are you reading this?
Yes. Why would you wanna
put that mess in her head?
But some of these are death threats.
Nikki, they're just trolls.
Any attention at all
gives them what they want.
Jen is better off. Just
let her live her life.
Fine.
It's called Intelligencia
and it's all of these,
like, memes and death threats.
Okay? But Mallory said
not to tell you because
she said it would make you feel
bad and we should protect you
and let you live your life. But
I mean, you know,
obviously, I didn't do that.
It's probably nothing.
So, just give me a call when you
get this and I love you so much.
- Did we hit?
- Yeah, it's hit.
Oh, yeah. Okay. I'm gettin' in there.
Careful, don't hurt yourself.
I won't. Get a little dip.