Single Drunk Female (2022) s01e06 Episode Script

All right, so most ballpark hot dogs are either steamed or grilled, but Boston Bangers are boiled first, and then they are grilled.
That way, you preserve the juiciness.
Looks delicious.
Oh, that's the beauty of a Banger, baby.
Mmm.
All right, all right, small tent.
Can I get one of these things, or what? Oh, yep, Sam.
Here you go.
- Incoming.
- Thank you.
Looks pretty good for something cooked in a parking lot.
- So you're having a good time? - Uh, yeah, yeah, I think so.
- I'm having a good time, too.
- Nice.
- Mm-hmm.
- Yeah.
Olivia keeps telling me to be more present.
And I, uh, think it's working.
She's kind of the best sponsor you can get.
Yeah, she's very cool.
Although I did read Eminem is a sponsor, and he might be just a little bit cooler.
Ah, look at you two, getting along.
- Okay, you just made it weird.
- Yeah, stop being so weird, Bob.
- Also, this needs mustard.
- Oh, yes, condiments, flying in.
Yeah, go home, Yankee! Yeah, okay, okay, hi, yeah, yeah.
Hey, where are your heels, Carrie Bradshaw? Where's your tutu? No.
Nathaniel? Hey, wait, hang on.
Nathaniel! Just get to your car and then you're home free.
- Wait, wait.
- Okay.
- Nathaniel.
- Just keep walking.
Oh, hang on a second, man.
Hey.
Hi.
Wow, uh, Sam Fink.
Yeah.
What are you doing in Boston? How have you been? What's going on at Bzzzzzzzzzz? I'm gonna plead the Fifth on your questions.
'Cause I don't want anything I say to be used against me by you.
- Right? - You caught me.
Been following you for months.
You know, been videotaping everything you do, actually got in your trunk on the way here.
- I'm kidding.
- Oh, that's not super funny.
- You maimed me.
- Right.
Right? I had an eye patch for a month.
- I'm-I'm very sorry about that.
- Are you, though? I endured pirate jokes every day for a month.
I'm gonna give you a couple, so you know what I lived through.
"Aye, aye, Captain," 'cause of my eye.
- Pretty stupid.
- Pretty obvious.
One that was actually kinda decent, "Lance Arrrmstrong," right? One eye, one nut.
That was my life for a month, because of you.
Right, no, I am, I am genuinely sorry, and I'm sober now, seven months.
- Oh.
- So Well, that's good to hear.
I'm glad to hear it.
Yeah, you do, uh, you do seem less insane.
I'm really happy to hear that from you, a man that I respect and regret maiming.
- Yeah.
Thank you.
- Yeah.
Seriously, that piece that you did on the, um, the creepy judges, the one with the foot fetish, I thought that was really great.
- Oh, you saw that? - Yeah.
Yeah, it was a pretty fun piece.
I thought it turned out good.
- Yeah.
- Oh, that's cool.
So, what are you up to? Like, are you writing at all, or what's up? Oh, uh, yeah, you know, just like classic alcoholic stuff, some moral inventories and, like, long amends letters, long apology letters and a ton of letters.
Right.
Well, is any of that publishable? 'Cause, I mean I think we might actually have something for you.
Like a job? Yes, like a job.
Listen, your voice is really funny.
You'll be really good for this, and plus, like, everyone's so into women.
Right? Everything now is like, "Oh, we got to get women," right? - Mm.
- Which is super important, okay? And obviously that's not the only reason I'm bringing this up.
But let me just be clear about me saying that.
For the record, I, I don't really care.
I'll take what I can get.
Um, do you think Bzzzzzzzzzz would let me back in the building? No, no, but I'm not there anymore.
I'm at Smug Media, have you heard of it? I was at Doosh, and then they were dicks, so I'm now at Smug Media.
Listen, here's my card.
I want you to call my assistant.
And let's, uh, let's get something on the books.
Great.
All right? I want you to send me some writing.
Published, unpublished, doesn't matter.
Okay.
Let me just see your stuff, and we'll, we'll go from there.
- All right? - All right.
All right, I'll talk to you soon, - and go Yankees! - No, Yankees suck! Go Yankees! Yeah, take those chicken legs back where they belong, you little bitch! - What? - Yankees suck! Shut up! Nathaniel Nathaniel? The one who had you carried out of the building by security guards? - Oh, no.
- No, she's being dramatic.
Yes, Nathaniel.
He seemed really interested, actually.
He said I looked great.
I figure, why not? You know, I just have to send him some writing material, set up a meeting.
I thought you hated it there.
You said it was soul-killing.
Why would you want to go back to Bzzzzzzzzzz? Oh, no, he's at Smug Media now.
It's actually a much bigger deal.
There are so many opportunities for you here.
You could intern at The Boston Globe.
I hate to break it to you.
No one really cares about The Boston Globe anymore.
How can you say that? Didn't you see Spotlight? Ooh, I love that flick.
Seen it five times.
You saw Spotlight five times? Mark Ruffalo, what an actor.
Samantha We paid for private school, we got you through NYU, you are a writer writer.
And New York? Bzzzzzzzzzz? Didn't the whole situation make you want to drink? There were a lot of things that made me want to drink, Mom.
Donna with the doughnuts, what's up? Oh my God.
I've never seen you this happy.
- Are you depressed? - No.
My old boss might have a job for me in New York.
- Mm.
- Yeah, I thought that door was closed, but you know what they say, when one door closes, it, um also opens.
You nervous? No.
Come on.
No.
I'm, I'm acting as if.
Just like they tell us to.
Not nervous at all.
Just as if.
It's wild, though.
Uh, a couple investors from down there asked me to come and pitch that sobriety app.
Mm-hmm.
I haven't found the right time, though.
How do you feel about road trips? They seemed fun in Thelma and Louise.
You should come with me tomorrow, you can be Thelma.
Maybe you should ask that girl Chloe.
Oh, you mean hot dance party Chloe? - Mm-hmm.
- Tiny, little, cute, spin her around, - take her for a ride Chloe? - All right, she's fine.
She's okay.
- She's super hot.
- No, she's not.
- Yeah, well - I only think you think that because she looks like you.
- What? - You guys look exactly the same.
- We don't.
- Yeah, you do.
It's a little weird.
- She ghosted me, or else I would.
- Yeah.
Are you gonna come or not? We can eat bagels.
No, I just don't think that I don't think a trip together is a good idea.
You know? 'Cause, like, is it a friend thing? Is it a romantic thing? I don't know.
It's a bagel thing.
Okay.
Uh, well, eat one for me.
No.
I'll eat two for me.
Okay.
Okay.
See you in there.
See you inside.
Hi.
- Hey.
- Welcome.
How are you? I'm fine.
I'm fine.
Fine as in F-I-N-E? Freaked out, insecure, neurotic, and emotional? Acronym.
You people love acronyms.
Um, I'm Olivia.
Yeah, come on in.
Yeah, I know.
You're, uh, my daughter's sponsor.
You have a, a Peabody Award.
And I'm a subscriber to your podcast.
I purchased your last book.
I just I didn't read it yet because drama in the book club.
I'm Carol.
- You're Sam's mom.
- Yes.
You don't have to pretend like you never heard of me.
Oh, my God.
I've definitely heard of you.
All good things.
- What's up, Barry? - Olivia.
So, if you're open to it, I would like to pick your brain.
Well, you are welcome to join us, the meeting's open.
And Sam's actually in there.
Yeah, no, I Sam does not need to know I'm here.
I want to talk to you alone.
- Oh.
- It's a time-sensitive issue.
- So could we get coffee? - Uh, yeah.
After the meeting.
Just shoot me a text, and I'll, I'll tell you when and where.
Oh I will text you right now.
Okay.
Great.
I will text you now, Olivia Elliot.
You're not what I expected.
What did you expect? Someone older, who uses less creamer.
So, what's going on? Parents only come to me when their kids are pregnant or drinking or both.
Oh, no, no, no.
It's nothing like that.
I hope it's nothing like that.
She, um she doesn't have a lot of luck in that area.
The getting lucky area.
You said You said it was time sensitive? Yes.
Samantha is up for a job in New York.
- I see.
- Mm-hmm.
And? And what if she gets it? What if she goes and interviews and gets it and she's gone? - Mm.
- Can you talk to her? Tell her not to go.
Tell her she needs to stay with me longer.
And pay her rent on time.
Okay, if she wants to bring it up with me, sure.
But seeing as I haven't heard from her, I doubt she wants my advice.
But what if this blows up in her face? What if she fails? What if it breaks her heart and we're back where we were when she came here? Where? Look, sometimes sponsees fail.
I have this phrase I like to use with them when they call me crying: "Oh, so you decided to call me now?" So yeah.
As her mother, I am asking you, tell her not to go.
Samantha does not belong in New York.
My job as her sponsor is to help her stay sober.
Your job as a mother is to have this conversation.
Yes! I'm having this conversation so you'll talk to my daughter.
You should talk to your daughter.
Okay.
You're no help.
You are just like Samantha.
Sammy, I respect your right to look like a hot mess, - but these dead ends hurt me.
- No, I know, just go for it.
Please.
Really? Aw, you never let me have my way with your locks.
No, I know, but I need the bad bitch haircut to go with the crazy nails.
Yes, bad bitch, bad bitch.
Which bad bitch? Joan Jett.
- No, trim.
- No? - Trim.
- A trim? - Yeah.
- Oh, my God! If you really think a trim's gonna land you this job, you're wrong.
Okay, well, the trim's gonna help, first of all.
- Okay.
- Also, I just, I just need to send something good to Nathaniel, and I got it.
You know? Which I will get on very, very soon.
Just, you know, send him something you've already written and change the title.
Yeah, he's read everything I've already written.
Well, you haven't written anything new? Not really.
I mean, I've been, like, pretty busy with the grocery store and Also, I really loved drinking and writing, you know? Take two shots of tequila, take out the laptop.
Down two more shots, you open it, and then just more shots 'cause it's fun.
Man, can you imagine if I was like shot, snip, shot, snip? - Sounds fun.
- Well, what do you do? All right, well, you know, I've got my process.
Every morning, I have a green tea, which you sobers love, sing a verse of "Man! I Feel Like a Woman," three Hail Marys in the mirror.
Boom.
Ready to slay.
Huh.
Yeah, I guess I'll have to figure my own thing out.
I'm trying to give you something here.
No, I know.
It's sweet.
But I'm, I'm not worried, you're more worried about it than I am.
I'm, like, totally fine.
- I mean, I'm not worried.
- Okay, great.
You know, that being said, I think I will have to bail on, uh, Baby Boss movie night with you and Zack 'cause I think I should just get started, you know.
It's Boss Baby.
The baby's the boss.
He doesn't have a boss.
I told her not to say anything, dude, so that makes it not my fault.
I don't know what to tell you.
Dude, just fire her, then.
I don't give a shit, man.
Hold on a second.
All right, that comes to $16.
53.
- Cash.
Old school.
Sweet.
- Yeah.
I'm supposed to check this for something, aren't I? I feel like people always go Yeah, it's-it's good.
- Okay.
- Kind of in a rush here.
Whoa, it's No? That's, that's new.
- Hang on.
- Are you, you kidding me, man? H-H-Hold on, dude.
Manager to bakery.
Manager to bakery.
She'll be here in a sec.
Hold on, dude, I'm dealing with this stupid townie.
- Excuse me? - Uh, keep the change.
- I just need my receipt, please.
- Okay.
Uh-huh.
Yeah, you're also shopping in this town.
You get that, right? You're just as much of a townie as I am.
The difference is, I actually got out.
I mean, I'm back temporarily, but I will get out again.
'Cause I'm a writer.
Not, like, a super famous one, but I was recognized in an H&M once.
I think they thought I was Selena Gomez, but I was still recognized, all right? So, like, you know what, dude-man, how about this? - Eat me.
And keep your change.
- Whoa.
No.
- I don't need your blood money, bro! - You keep it.
- It's - Wow, uh, I'm so sorry.
Sam, can I talk to you? - Dude, I just need a receipt.
- Dude.
Wait, you're this worked up over a job interview? Well, I mean, yeah.
Like, what if I get it? What if I don't? What if I get the seat on the bus next to the toilet? It's a lot of risks.
Girl, a bus ride and a job interview are not risks.
The only risk is if you didn't clear it with your probation officer.
Mm-hmm.
'Cause then you go to jail.
Right.
Oh, of course you didn't.
Well, thank you so much for squeezing me in.
I didn't realize that I needed permission just to take, like, a quick bus trip to New York.
So, what, what should we do? Do I have to, like, write a letter to the governor, or? To tell him you have a job interview? You don't have a job.
Like, nothing's official.
Okay, it's like, it's like this dude Jordan.
He texts me every single morning, like, "Oh, my God, you are so beautiful! "When are you gonna meet my mom? Can I help you with your cell phone bill?" Does that make him my boyfriend? No.
Absolutely not.
Have I had a pregnancy scare? Multiple.
Did I tell Jordan? No! Again, not my boyfriend.
You got to know your situation and then adjust your expectations accordingly.
What do I do if I get the job? You're gonna need more than a letter.
Ooh.
I-I have to fill all of that out? I have to fill this out.
I'm just playing.
It's all online.
But I want you to know this is the kind of hell you're gonna put me through.
You just keep that on standby just in case, huh? Um Okay, but you are good to go for up to 72 hours.
Oh, that was it? Wow, okay, great, thank you so much.
Okay.
All right, bye, Gail.
Tell Jordan I said hi.
I won't.
- Hi.
- Oh, hi.
- Hey.
- Uh come on in.
Thanks.
- What's up? Is everything okay? - Yeah.
Oh, is it the-the last $2,000? 'Cause I'm gonna get it as soon as I can.
No, no, that's not it.
Um I just wanted to give you this.
What'd I win? Joel and I talked about it, and, uh, maybe it would be nice if you were at our wedding.
'Cause, you know, things feel different.
Oh.
- Right.
- Right.
I'm sorry, I'm just realizing that was kind of an ambush.
Um, you don't have to let us know now.
Yeah, I'll figure it out.
- Cool.
- Yeah.
- Cool.
Okay.
- Great.
- I'm gonna - Oh.
Okay.
- Cool.
- All right.
And a little more for me.
Oh.
Okay.
I'm gonna talk to her.
She can't go.
That's it.
On second thought I'm gonna go roast a chicken.
Carol, just talk to her.
No! Trust me, the chicken will work better.
The way I do it, first you, you pat it dry.
That's the most important part.
Then you sprinkle it really liberally with salt and you take a stick of butter and you shove it up under the skin, and that chicken will say everything better than I ever could.
Well, that does sound delicious, but you should just talk to her.
Hmm? How was your day? Oh, uh, yeah, it's fine.
Um Brit invited me to her wedding.
Oh.
Maybe we could sit at the same table.
I know it's not fun.
I know it's weird.
I could hold your hand.
You know, uh I don't really want to go, actually, and I don't really want to hold your hand either, but thanks for offering.
What are you writing? Oh, uh, yeah.
Just a piece about you know, Gen Z and morality and - Birkenstocks.
- Oh.
Can I see? Bob wears them.
They help his back.
No, it's not, it's not really ready yet.
Samantha, just me Let me take a look.
- Mom.
- No, I won't judge.
I don't want you to see it.
So, sorry, I I haven't written anything.
Why not? I-I can't write unless I'm drunk, I guess.
I don't know, I can like, you know, work in a grocery store and go to Brit's stupid wedding and go on some pretty bad coffee dates, but I-I cannot write without alcohol.
I don't know what to tell you.
I can't.
Samantha, here's the thing.
Nobody does anything better drunk.
Do you really think everything you wrote then was so wonderful? Where are the book sales? Where are the Pulitzers? Come on.
Is Bzzzzzzzzzz the best you can do? I-I don't know.
At least it was something.
You don't know what you're capable of now.
So, you're gonna lock yourself in and write something.
Tonight.
Anything.
Because, even if it sucks, it will still be good enough for Smug News.
No, it Now I'm gonna go roast a chicken.
And I'll bring it in to you.
Excuse me, miss.
Is this bus going to the Big Apple? Wild.
Yeah, I'm sorry, I don't even know why I tried that - You changed your mind.
- I did.
I felt like you needed a sober trudging buddy.
- Mm.
- I remember my first sober trip, and I could've used a me.
To be with, to be with me, you know.
- I get it.
We'll trudge.
- Yeah, let's do it.
Can we get back in line now? 'Cause I lost my spot.
Uh, yeah, yeah, oh, yeah, let's do it.
- We're gonna get bad seats.
- We are.